Named porcine IQ?
nikid ray liotta brians!
~flashes Spanky~
~covers up~ I did not mean to scare everyone away.
~flashes taig~ Is this the reason?
Well, found out the hard way that kidlet is allergic to shellfish. He's feeling better now so that's good at least.urgh, that sucks, I hope it was nothing to severe, food allergy can be scary and dangerous
It wasn't too bad. He got a bit wheezy, but I gave him his rescue inhaler and that helped. We just have to be careful not to let him have shellfish in the future.
I think it would be worse if he liked the taste because then he wants to eat it.
Okay...., uh four more days until I leave my job. God, it's going to feel soooooooo good.
I got a haircut today too. My scalp can breath again.
Two days after that it's time for Wyoming. I'm gonna have scenic pics on my Facebook account to boot.
Okay. Thoughts on the movie. Warning. This is very, very long.
First, the Solnes review. Read only if you are Solnes.
Now, the non-Solnes review.
What Whedon Got Right
Yes, Whedon did some things right with this movie.
-The fighting scenes were excellent- made for 3D.
-Special effects? Nailed 'em, the explosions were pretty good for non-Baysplosions.
-Lighting? Perfect. And I'm not being petty here, the scenes where you can't see anything absolutely ruin movies, especially super hero movies.
-Sound? That needed some help. There were a few lines that were mumbled. Not sure if I can blame Whedon for that, though.
Things I Enjoyed
There were some things I enjoyed about this movie, despite coming from the depressingly fertile mind-womb of Whedon.
- First up was the 3D. This was my first movie in 3D(IMAX was unfortunately sold out..what did I miss by not seeing it in IMAX?), and it was well worth the ten bucks I paid(Morning Matinee, to be revisited later). There were a few scenes where the sides were blurry, but I didn't mind that so much- that's more the theater's fault than Whedon's. And the previews in 3D? OH HELLS YEAH. Prometheus was AMAZING. Spidey was EMOZING. And my wife got a little nauseous with the Despicable Me 2 trailer, but I'm glad it was there to get us accommodated to the 3D. Brave was also quite good, but as interested as I am in the movie, I dont' think it's going to be anything like what its advertised to be..but that's a story for another time.
- The outfits and set design were fantastic. With the exception of Hawkeye(to be revisited later), the characters looked like they stepped out of a comic book. Literally. Thor looked like Thor. Cap looked like Cap. Black Widow looked like Scarlett Johannsen(again, to be revisited later) and was...blissful. Especially in 3D. It also really looked like New York. I'm not sure if it was shot here, but I felt a very NY feeling from the film, at least the NY that was shown in Iron Man 1 and 2. I may have mentioned it when those movies were big, but there are many different New Yorks living on top of one another in real life, and those movies showed a New York that I very rarely encounter, but recognize easily. I didn't feel much like I was on a movie set, and that's saying something coming from me. The ending scenes, where they interviewed NYers was also especially authentic and touching. The music was also quite good. Although it can be a nitpick, I need a movie to have a good soundtrack, and the Avengers delivered. I might get it, but for the keen ears of my gaming group(who notice EVERYTHING).
- My favorite? The scene with the eye. That was just GREAT movie making. Here, my hat is off to Whedon, my arch foe, one leg of the tripod of evil. The screams alone were gold, but the way the leg shook and the guy struggled? Oh man. And the scene following with the old man who refused to bow to Loki, saying there were always men like him? Yeah. That’s hella good. Loki was a proper villain there, and you don’t need superpowers to stand up to that kind of monologuing ass. You just need to refuse to kneel.
What Whedon Got Wrong
As much as I hate Whedon, I know he's only human and bound to just plain mess up on things. Here are a few, YMMV.
Things I can forgive
- I originally was going to put this below, as mentioned in the other thread, bulletproof glass isn't exactly science fiction. However, in the various scenes where it was an issue(and there were several), I realize that the movie would have been over if not for the fact that the glass was breakable. And we have better bullets and guns now, so bulletproof glass is relative.
- Scarlett Johanssen as Black Widow. ScarJo is a BEAUTIFUL woman, and I enjoyed every moment she was on screen. However, she is most definitely NOT the Black Widow. It really did feel like she was playing a role. Not really her fault, or even Whedon's, to be fair(unless....see below), but she's just not the Black Widow to me. Her "boishe moi!" was horrible, then again, I live in Brooklyn and know enough Russians and Poles and others to know what it's supposed to sound like. It really sounded like she was reading off of a piece of paper. All that said, she knows how to fight, and I can forgive her on her fighting ability alone(then again...see below).
- What's his face as Hawkeye. Yes, I said what's his face, because I can't remember the guys name right now. He was in the movie, and he played a pivotal role, but I really feel like Whedon dropped the ball with the character(see below). He didn't dress up like either Hawkeye from regular continuity(QUITE forgivable- what was the original creator thinking?!?!) and he looked more like a nameless, faceless extra with only his bow and arrow to help him stand out than a super hero. I really think they should have gone the Ultimates route and given him sunglasses or SOMETHING to help him stand out other than the bow. The sunglasses could have been linked up to a targeting HUD system of some type, setting him up for the scene where he is invariable separated from the high tech sunglasses and then reveals that he really doesn't need them, it's mostly for fashion and then opens the can of whupass. Or whuparrow. Or whupcommando knife(I think that was the knife the French Foriegn Legion uses- a nasty piece of metal), whatever the case may be.
- Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk. Unfortunately, Edward Norton didn’t come back as Bruce Banner. I heard from a developmentally delayed man I ran into on the train(which tickled my wife, who doesn’t often see me in “work mode” who saw my Transformers shirt and began a long conversation, revealing an ASTONISHING level of knowledge regarding movies and moviemaking and gossip about actors, Edward Norton is more than a little bit of a diva, and caused a lot of problems with American History X and his version of the Hulk. Mark Ruffalo isn’t a nerd, however. He’s quite clearly in DAMN good shape(better than me anyway),and worked a little too hard to play the shy nerdy guy. Again, this isn’t Whedon’s fault, really, so I have to forgive him that.
- The occasional witticism. It’s Whedon. His snap-crackle-pop dialogue is well known and well documented. It isn’t good unless you like that sort of dialogue, which I don’t, but I was able to get past most of it.
- The fight scene with the Chitauri, which I liked, seemed to jump around a bit. Especially the parts with ScarJo-as-Black-Widow. One scene she’s using their weapons against them. The next she is empty handed or using her Widow’s Bite/Sting. The next she’s putting energy blasts through heads with a rifle she acquired. I think a lot of her fight sequences ended up on the cutting room floor, for some reason. I’d like to see more, because her fights seemed disjointed. And I wanted to see more of her.
Where Whedon F***ed Up
Oh yeah, there were some major screw ups. Some of these are attributed to my knowledge of comics, which, if I get some things wrong(my good friend pointed out an EMBARRASING error with respect to Hogun the Grim in the Thor movie, he’s worked in a comic book store for YEARS, and I foolishly pitted my mind against his…foolishly. Augh. Stupid Mark and his stupid big brain remembering stuff!!!!!) PLEASE correct me. But as I will point out later, this movie IS NOT “Superhero Action Movie”, it’s “The Avengers” and should be viewed as such. Maybe Whedon should have made “Superhero Action Movie“ instead. It certainly felt like that should have been the title at times.
Things I can’t forgive
This may take a while and seems petty to start, but work with me here.
- Scarlett Johannson was beautiful, but she wasn’t Black Widow. She was Buffy 4.0. My wife pointed this one out to me. While Whedon loves his female leads and attempts to do a good job with them(he really, really tries), he falls into the same stereotypes. Not a Mary Sue by any means(quick jab for the earlier conversation we had re: Mary Sues as a term), but close- Black Widow is all ass kicking and jaw breaking and using her feminine wiles properly until she falls to her weakness- Hawkeye, and her concern for him. Sound familiar? Same thing happened in Buffy. First it was Angel, then he went on to get his own TV series(Not talking about Bones here, although I would have preferred he leap directly to that than the questionable Angel- yes, folks, this is the HATERADE™ part of the review, in case you didn’t already know), and then it was Spike, and now it’s…who? I don’t read the comic, but I’m willing to bet that Buffy’s Achilles heel is, once again, a man. It’s like Wonder Woman being superhumanly powerful unless she is bound by a man’s hand(which really calls into question the superhumanly powerful bit, but that’s a bit of old school sexism for you). It really irked me, and made ScarJo seem less like Black Widow and more like an actress playing a role. Not saying that Black Widow would have- or SHOULD have, she’s a superhero for crying out loud- left Hawkeye twisting in the wind as it were, but it gave her character and her abilities a serious “Off” switch when I think it was intended to be a motivation. Also, Black Widow, with the exception of the occasional scene with Hawkeye, seemed to be the only one really feeling any pain or, rather, physical exhaustion in the movie. I think this is because Whedon liked showing her off sweaty and breathing heavy, but even I admit that this could be going a bit TOO far for all save the most sodium-free feminist. Still, go back and look- even if the other male characters look a bit winded, she looks EXHAUSTED. And she seemed to seriously struggle with the Chitauri, grappling them to put them in range of her Widow’s Sting/Bite. She also seemed to make more genuine and repeated pleas for help more often than anyone else in the film. I think that last one is just me, though.
- Hawkeye seemed surprised that he ran out of arrows. This, ladies and gentlemen, should NEVER happen. Hawkeye ALWAYS knows how many arrows he has, and which ones they are. He also used far less trick arrows in this movie than he should have. Not at ALL saying he should have had the (*sigh*) boxing glove arrows(although that may be more Green Arrow than Hawkeye…), but he seemed to focus more on explosions, serious internal damage, a grappling line( I *think* he did that once), or a funky almost USB thing. I wanted to see more gas/smoke arrows, a bola arrow(or just a bola. Don’t laugh- those things are VERY debilitating/useful), sticky arrows(that release a viscous fluid that you can’t escape from easily- think of what that would have done when Loki grabbed it?!), a sonic scream arrow(that could have leveled the entire Shield bridge, and would have made him seem more deadly/inventive) and just plain interesting arrows that I can’t think of here.
While we’re on the subject of Hawkeye, I have to say that I’m disappointed he didn’t show up in this film either. It was what’s his face playing a role. Hawkeye should have been more acerbic towards Cap(ESPECIALLY Cap, asking him why he should follow his orders, etc), towards Hulk, towards just about EVERYONE save perhaps Stark. In many ways it seems like they took away Hawkeye’s personality(or elements thereof) and shuttled them into Stark. My wife complained that Tony Stark in this movie seemed less…polished. More of a jerk. She could have hung out with Tony Stark in the earlier movies, or at least seen herself WANTING to hang out with this millionaire playboy. This version, she wasn’t impressed with, not really, although he was still a good Iron Man.
- Some people say Cap didn’t get much screen time in this movie. I say he did get screen time, but he seemed more Badass Normal (using a tropism..*sigh*) than the poor Agent Colson(who I did give a whispered “YES, I’m out of the movie!!!” when he died to my wife, who said she would kill me if I embarrassed us at the theatre. Again.) Cap is a SUPER hero. All of the stunts he did in this movie seemed quite achievable, even by my out of shape self, with the exception of catching the cord to keep himself from flying off the helicarrier. Oh, and beating up the Chitauri. Oh, and jumping up and protecting himself with his shield when that bomb went off. .. You know what? I take parts of this one back. I think the Chitauri would have flossed with me, especially if Whedon was giving the orders. But Cap didn’t seem like Cap to me in many physical scenes. I wanted to see him fight and not get winded, the leaps he did on the helicarrier should have seemed BEYOND BELIEF, etc. The fight with those Chitauri guys helped cement his superherodom, but it came too late in the movie for me.
- Thor. He’s from Asgard, right? Powerful demigod? Then why did he spend half the movie talking like Thor and the other half like a guy from Cali? I don’t know if I can blame Whedon for this, but the Asgardianspeak and English got pretty tangled up, to the point that I knew it was Chris Helsworth(forgive me if I got the name wrong!!!) playing Thor, which I didn’t get in the Thor movie. His Asgardianness was less “turn on, turn off” and more like the flickering of a flourescent light bulb when it’s about to go.
-Speaking of Thor and Agent Colson, another big problem with the movie was Whedon’s Blood Sacrifice of Agent Colson. I believe we all know Whedon needs to kill beloved movie characters in order to keep his career going, and this time, Colson was on the altar. However, he didn’t need to die. Thor was trapped behind…glass that his uru-metal hammer, Mjolnir, cracked. Thor cracked it himself. He swung once, and then Colson was on the scene, with an AWESOMELY PROFESSIONAL “Step away, please. […] Even I don’t know what [this big frakkin’ gun-thing] does.” He could have kept swinging. I’m sure the glass would have broken. But it was Colson’s death scene, and WHEDON’S GOD DEMANDS A SACRIFICE!! KALI-MA! KALI-MA! KALI-MA!!!!
-However, the biggest problem I had with the movie, the big Enchilada, the FHDM OF PROBLEMS I had…was with none other than Loki.
Loki of Asgard.
God of Mischief.
Prince of Lies.
And monologuing CHUMP.
He wasn’t supposed to be in the movie. As far as I’m concerned, Loki wasn’t in this movie at all. What we saw was another guy playing his part. My money’s on Kang the Conqueror- everything in this movie, the Chitauri, the Cosmic Cu- uh, I mean TESSERACT, even the big reveal at the end with you-know-who- all of these things SCREAM Kang the Conqueror. Not Loki. Why was he here?
My biggest problem with Loki was in the first five minutes of the movie, where he shows up, laughs, and proceeds to mind-whammy a few guys, using his new toy. That’s all well and good, except Loki is a powerful magician/demigod/no-they’re-powerful-aliens-that-we-THINK-are-gods-and-they -see-no-need-to-correct-us - he doesn’t NEED toys to mind-whammy people. Just a hullaballoo and it’s “I’m with you, Ser!” No need for toys. But I guess I can forgive that. What I can’t forgive is why he just mind-whammyed a COUPLE of guys. Loki should have attempted to mind-whammy everyone in sight, so he wouldn’t have to go build an entire separate armed force consisting of Shield’s enemies(where was AIM? Where was Hydra? Where was just about any other stock Marvel villainous army?!). More importantly, he should have attempted to mind-whammy Samuel L. Madre Violate Jackson, who should have resisted and there should have been a bit of a scene explaining why. Loki doesn’t take chances. He’s had his butt handed to him at least once by now, he should have been a bit more paranoid, or at the very least cautious. Instead, as my wife pointed out, he started monologuing to the ONE ACTOR who shouldn’t have bought into it by bantering with him BECAUSE HE DID AN ENTIRE SCENE IN THE INCREDIBLES(one of my favorite movies, btw) ABOUT HOW STUPID THAT WAS.
Next was the scene where ScarJo-playing-Black-Widow plays mind games with Loki. Once again, this just proves to me that this is NOT Loki. Well….maybe I should take that back. The scene was just waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much of a Whedonism in that his beloved female lead gets exactly what she needs because she’s badass awesome. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, except she’s badass awesome-ing someone who’s entire skill set trumps hers. Not because he has a penis, mind, but because he’s THE GOD(or ALIEN, or what have you) OF LIES AND SUBTERFUGE. It would be like me, when I had just gotten my first degree black belt in Pa Kua and was in the BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE beating the ever living snot out of (insert the name of your preferred unarmed killing machine here!). Sure I might get a lucky blow. And maybe Loki DID blurt out something by mistake(god he may be, perfect he is not), but I’m not going to win that fight, and it’s just too outside of the realm of belief for me that ScarJo-playing-Black-Widow is going to out-bluff a being who was bluffing before her grandmother was a twinkle in her great grandfather’s eye. This isn’t to say that Black Widow couldn’t have gotten the info out of him. She should have just gone about it in a way that didn’t’ play to Loki’s strengths. She could have intimidated him or better yet, compared him to his brother in such a way that he blurted out his plan(ScarJo-as-Black-Widow: You suck. Thor Rules. You know it’s true. Loki: Could THOR have been half as smart as I?? When that MONSTER loses control, I’ll—ScarJo-as-Black-Widow: So, you want Hulk to lose his s&&#? Thanks for the info, dood! Loki: What? I mean, NO! Forget I said that last part! I am NOT using the Hulk in any way shape or form!!!) And yes, I am aware of the possibility that Loki was doing this just to create later discord, which is actually a strong possibility, but I don’t buy it, not with Whedon as the writer AND director.
Next, what the frak is Loki doing getting into fisticuffs with his brother? As much as I like wizards using weapons in Pathfinder when things go wrong(note: not necessarily run out of spells), it’s not their first move. Loki should have energy blasted Thor instead of attempting to go toe to toe with him. Either that, or Thor should have disarmed him of his staff or something. Unless he did that, I can’t remember. I DO remember being thoroughly unimpressed with the bit where Loki and Thor attempted to duke it out- that’s just not Loki’s strength. What really got me about this was that at the end of the movie, Loki is being lead away with a plate over his mouth, which should have showcased his strength of guile and honeyed words. Why even attempt to punch Thor at all? Thor is his big bully of a brother who gave him wedgies all the time as a kid because his dad told him that wedgies build the sort of character his brother is lacking. He should know better than to raise his hand to him at all.
Finally, from the wife, was that Loki was..just..not all that impressive in the movie. He was very meh(which is also her rating of the movie). He was a supervillain, whereas before, in the Thor movie, he was TERRIFYING. A master of illusion. A scorned son who didn’t know he was adopted. A demigod/alien/etc..etc.. with something to prove. Here? He’s just another would-be-ruler/dictator/etc..etc.. who you KNOW is going to get his ass kicked in two and a half hours. Loki was PREDICTABLE- something he should NEVER be.
CLOSING THOUGHTS-
Man, I use caps a lot, don’t I?
Long story short, was the movie GOOD? No. As a comic book fan(although as I think I mentioned above, I am late to the Avengers fandom) and a Whedon hater, there were just too many Whedonisms and flaws for it to be actually good.
Was it entertaining? Sure. It beats the hell out of a root canal, although I wouldn’t postpone a game I am running or in in order to go out and grab a ticket. I think I might watch the movie again if it shows up on cable…at least I wouldn’t be as fast to turn the channel as I would with other Whedonfare, like Buffy or Firefly.
Would I buy it on DVD? Probably not, and that’s saying something, considering the size of my DVD collection. I wouldn’t turn my nose up at a free copy, however, as I would with those last two series.
But was it fun? Yes. I have to say that the movie was fun. I am looking forward to Captain America 2, Iron Man 3, the Hulk 2.5 and Avengers 2. I would have watched them anyway, though, probably, even with Whedon at the helm. That said, I am VERY glad I paid matinee prices for it. I certainly would have been disappointed and maybe even pissed with the film if I dropped midnight advanced screening money on it. To sum up, I watched the Avengers movie, and was entertained for a while, had a good amount of fun, but overall, my opinion of the film is equivalent to the very, very, VERY end of the movie, after the credits.
TL;DR
Good movie, then?
;-)
Happy Birthday CH.
TL;DR
Good movie, then?
;-)
Sir, you make me lol.
The movie was not good, but it was fun.
TL;DR
Good movie, then?
;-)
Sir, you make me lol.
The movie was not good, but it was fun.
Your anti-Whedon bias influences your judgment in the same manner mine does for Baysplosions.
Your anti-Whedon bias influences your judgment in the same manner mine does for Baysplosions.TL;DR
Good movie, then?
;-)
Sir, you make me lol.
The movie was not good, but it was fun.
Oh come now, read the review. I gave Whedon what props he deserved.
Oh come now, read the review. I gave Whedon what props he deserved.Your anti-Whedon bias influences your judgment in the same manner mine does for Baysplosions.TL;DR
Good movie, then?
;-)
Sir, you make me lol.
The movie was not good, but it was fun.
I was being facetious about the TL;DR; I read it. "I gave Whedon what props he deserved." That alone tells me everything I need to know, though. THE HATERADE FLOWS DEEP WITHIN YOU. I CAN FEEL IT SURGE WITH EVERY KEYSTROKE PUT TO SCREEN. AAAAAAHHHHHHH....
;-)
I am not a sock puppet.
Who actually shelled out the dinero for a TOZ cap?
Hell, my mother - back when I was in my late teens - had a sweater made and included my BBS alias into the design.
I felt severely geeky. And virginal.
Oh come now, read the review. I gave Whedon what props he deserved.Your anti-Whedon bias influences your judgment in the same manner mine does for Baysplosions.TL;DR
Good movie, then?
;-)
Sir, you make me lol.
The movie was not good, but it was fun.
I was being facetious about the TL;DR; I read it. "I gave Whedon what props he deserved." That alone tells me everything I need to know, though. THE HATERADE FLOWS DEEP WITHIN YOU. I CAN FEEL IT SURGE WITH EVERY KEYSTROKE PUT TO SCREEN. AAAAAAHHHHHHH....
;-)
OH!! I thought you were serious. Well then please, tell me what you think! It's been a while since I've written something like this.
OH!! I thought you were serious. Well then please, tell me what you think! It's been a while since I've written something like this.
What props you gave may have been begrudgingly so. While you admit it was a good film for what it was, your comic lore and anti-Whedonism would have been hard to suspend. I knew when I was going to read your response is that the good points were going to be exponentially outweighed by the bad points. That's where the fickleness came in.
Personally, I thought this film smoked all of the recent Marvel films that have been put to the big screen beginning with Blade in '98.
Garbage Marvel Films are a toss up between Ghost Rider and Daredevil, for me.
I felt severely geeky. And virginal.My wife games with me. AND plays D&D too. :)
Dildos & Dirigibles rule!
I felt severely geeky. And virginal.My wife games with me. AND plays D&D too. :)
Same here. Would have it no other way.
So creating an IT department is actually a lot of work.
Are any of the Euro FawLTieS watching the Eurovision song contest? Every year we have a party and pull a country out of a hat to support. This year we are going to miss it :-(
I got Lena in 2010.... Some Teutonic hotness right there.
I got i the Serbians with the massive hats last year.
What's wrong with being 40?
<-- When you look beefcake like this.
So you are 45 then? ;)
I'll look the same at 65.
BEEFCAKE.
Are any of the Euro FawLTieS watching the Eurovision song contest? Every year we have a party and pull a country out of a hat to support. This year we are going to miss it :-(
I got Lena in 2010.... Some Teutonic hotness right there.
I got i the Serbians with the massive hats last year.
I did not watch it, sweden won, the 7 russian babuschki got 2 place, our boring as hell german singer somehow reached 8th place
And now Eurovision 2013 is going to be the front-page newsstory from January up to late May next year...
Is it wrong for me to hope we get invaded by Denmark or something?
I will have to watch the reruns. A friend of ours was having her last gig at her regular venue, avery posh Japanese restaurant. It is no longer having Jazz on Sunday's very sad, ever since neon genisis I have loved Fly me to the moon sung in Japanese.
For public perusal, here is my definition of getting older:
At 40 you are over the hill;
at 50 you are over the hill and down the road;
at 60 you are over the hill, down the road, and around the bend;
at 70 it's "My god I'm still alive".
For full disclosure, I am 63.
And now Eurovision 2013 is going to be the front-page newsstory from January up to late May next year...
Is it wrong for me to hope we get invaded by Denmark or something?
We just caught the end of the contest.
Moldova were my favourite - they were clasic Eurovision so bad they were good.
|
Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call
Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall
You've seen it all, you've seen it all
Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam
And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen
Most of 'em dream, most of 'em dream
Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder
I'm an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late
I've done a bit of smugglin', I've run my share of grass
I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast
Never meant to last, never meant to last
And I have been drunk now for over two weeks
I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks
But I got stop wishin', got to go fishin'
Down to rock bottom again
Just a few friends, just a few friends
I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran 'em away, they'd come back one day
Still could manage to smile J
ust takes a while, just takes a while
Mother, mother ocean, after all the years I've found
My occupational hazard being my occupation's just not around
I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown
I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown