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159,351 to 159,400 of 281,140 << first < prev | 3183 | 3184 | 3185 | 3186 | 3187 | 3188 | 3189 | 3190 | 3191 | 3192 | 3193 | next > last >>
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Of course I'm undressed, it's bedtime. :) Good night everybody.
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Good whatever John.
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A lady gave birth and told the nurse "I want to name my baby Ellie." The nurse typed the name into the computer and said "Sorry, but that name is taken. How about Ellie532 or maybe Ellie_153?"
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My girlfriend admitted to me she was Christian, and I broke up with her. Now I don't want to seem intolerant or bigoted, but I've only known and loved her as Christine.
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"Daddy! There's a man at the door who says he's collecting for the nursing home."
"Great! Tell him I'll have Grandpa ready in a minute."
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gran rey de los mono wrote:
A lady gave birth and told the nurse "I want to name my baby Ellie." The nurse typed the name into the computer and said "Sorry, but that name is taken. How about Ellie532 or maybe Ellie_153?"

I know some people that might be in trouble if that was the case like ol john up there i'm sure would be like john_12345687...

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If you are going to break up with someone, do it at McDonald's. There are no plates or glasses to be smashed on your head. There are no sharp knives or forks to stab you with. And if you really need to, you can hide behind a fat kid.
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What is shriveled, brown, and smells like caramel? A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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My friend just moved into his new house, so I went to visit. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate visitors.
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My Chinese friend got sick and had to go to the hospital. I went to see him, and he just kept whispering something over and over, and then died right there in front of me. At his funeral, I told his Mom what he was saying, assuming he was asking about his family. Turns out he was saying "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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I put on a magic show at the local nursing home a few years ago. I got up front and said "Okay, is everyone here?" The crowd replied back enthusiastically "Yes!" I winked and said "Yeah, but not for long!"

They asked me to never come back.
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Good morning! It's good to wake up with some good old jokes !
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Good whatever, Vid !
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Helpful advice should you ever meet me in person: If I'm smiling, it's because I'm planning something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them into the ground for maximum impact.
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Kileanna wrote:
Good morning! It's good to wake up with some good old jokes !

"good" old jokes. lol

Good whatever Kile.
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"Mom, I keep getting these stabbing pains in my head. What should I do?"
"For starters, don't sit next to the dartboard."
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I took the bus the other day, and the lady in the back seat either had two really ugly kids or two really awesome Pokemon.
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gran rey de los mono wrote:

"Mom, I keep getting these stabbing pains in my head. What should I do?"

"For starters, don't sit next to the dartboard."

If it had been the dart board at my old dorm. sitting next to it would have been the safest location.

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Why do they give hurricanes such lame names like Sandy or Katrina? Name that son of b*%%& MurderDeathStorm 9000 and people will evacuate.
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An appreciation of dark humor is like a healthy pair of kidneys. Not everyone has it.
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Vidmaster7 wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
Good morning! It's good to wake up with some good old jokes !

"good" old jokes. lol

Good whatever Kile.

Well... I love bad jokes. The worse the better xD

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Mother: "Why aren't you talking to Mark anymore? You two used to be such great friends."
Son: "Would you want to spend all your time with someone who is stupid, abuses drugs and alcohol, and is close to failing out of school?"
Mother: "No, of course not!"
Son: "Neither does Mark."
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Two cannibals are eating dinner. One says to the other "I have to say, your wife makes a nice meal."
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How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon? His assistant bumped his elbow.
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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Why do they give hurricanes such lame names like Sandy or Katrina? Name that son of b@~#$ MurderDeathStorm 9000 and people will evacuate.

or Scrambles the Death Dealer

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Two turkeys are sitting in a field, looking at the night sky. One turns to the other and says "Hey, man. Do you believe in a life after Thanksgiving?"
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I was at the hospital the other day and a man stuck his head through the door and asked me how tall I am. I said "About 6'. Why, doctor?" He said "Oh. I'm not a doctor. I'm the undertaker."
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Yesterday a local man was found drowned in a bowl of corn flakes. Police believe it was the work of a cereal killer.
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Something that beats bad jokes is dark humor. I loved the one about kidneys and the cannibals one xD
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A stressed-out mom and her son were running around on the beach. After 5 minutes the mom stopped and said "Come on, Johnny. You've got to remember where you buried Daddy!"
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An artist got a call from the gallery where he had his work for sale. The gallery owner said "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is a man came by earlier today and saw your paintings. He liked them and asked me if I thought they would increase in value after you die. I told him that they would, and he bought all 20 of them." "That's great news," said the artist. "What's the bad news?" The gallery owner replies "The man was your doctor."
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gran rey de los mono wrote:
An artist got a call from the gallery where he had his work for sale. The gallery owner said "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is a man came by earlier today and saw your paintings. He liked them and asked me if I thought they would increase in value after you die. I told him that they would, and he bought all 20 of them." "That's great news," said the artist. "What's the bad news?" The gallery owner replies "The man was your doctor."

O_O didn't see that one coming.

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This morning was possibly the worst air disaster ever in Wisconsin. A single-seat plane crashed into a cemetery. So far they've recovered over 300 bodies, and they see no end in sight.
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What is long, yellow, and makes Moms very happy in the morning? The school bus.
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Kileanna wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
Good morning! It's good to wake up with some good old jokes !

"good" old jokes. lol

Good whatever Kile.

Well... I love bad jokes. The worse the better xD

Wait...'bad' jokes? You think these aren't good?

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Kileanna wrote:
Something that beats bad jokes is dark humor. I loved the one about kidneys and the cannibals one xD

So I need to find bad jokes with dark humor. I'll start looking.

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I feel you missed out by not making these their own thread.
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If I did that, then not everyone here would get to see them. And I know that my joke mini-blitzes are the highlights of everyone's day, not just Kileanna's.
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lol
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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
Good morning! It's good to wake up with some good old jokes !

"good" old jokes. lol

Good whatever Kile.

Well... I love bad jokes. The worse the better xD
Wait...'bad' jokes? You think these aren't good?

I'm not good on judging humor. I laugh at unexpected things and I stay serious when everybody laughs.

In my grandmother's funeral (I loved her) I almost had a burst of laughther when the priest said «we are not worthy» because a shared silly joke me and Dal have. So I'm not good on judging humor.
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There really isn't anything to judge humor is way to abstract to judge.
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gran rey de los mono wrote:
If I did that, then not everyone here would get to see them. And I know that my joke mini-blitzes are the highlights of everyone's day, not just Kileanna's.

They are all liars, I know!

They say "oh, no, not more silly jokes" but I assure you then they snicker when they read them.

I am the only one brave enough to admit I like them!

Dalindra has also started to check FaWtL since he discovered the jokes xD
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Good, good. More souls to corrupt unto the service of my dread lord Punniculus, Sovreign of the Realm of Hilariosity. Soon He shall rise and all shall laugh and despair.

Umm....I mean...Yay, someone else who appreciates my jokes!
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Tell dali to hang out more!
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gran rey de los mono wrote:

Good, good. More souls to corrupt unto the service of my dread lord Punniculus, Sovreign of the Realm of Hilariosity. Soon He shall rise and all shall laugh and despair.

Umm....I mean...Yay, someone else who appreciates my jokes!

Oh, my!!!

I'm retraining my bard levels into cleric levels now!!!

Where do I sign?

(This character is a bard with her higher skill being Perform (comedy). So she usually inspires morale on her allies by making jokes about the enemies to make them look less threatening. The side effect is that enemies often feel insulted. Oops!)
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gran rey de los mono wrote:

Good, good. More souls to corrupt unto the service of my dread lord Punniculus, Sovreign of the Realm of Hilariosity. Soon He shall rise and all shall laugh and despair.

Umm....I mean...Yay, someone else who appreciates my jokes!

well appreciate you anyways ;D

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You should all worship me instead!!
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Sorry, you had your opportunity. You are too mainstream as a god for a bard. I'm sticking to Punniculus.
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Too mainstream? That's fine. I don't want a hipster wish-she-has-a-hobbit as a follower anyways!

Although, if you change your mind, ya know, come around and say "What's up".
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