Amazing stuff
HA! Please take a look at my item if you get the time!!!
Hi Everyone, thought I'd weigh in on this thread with my own entry, here it is
Stone of Banishment
Aura: Moderate Abjuration; CL 7th
Slot-; Price 8000 gp, Weight 1 lb
Description
This round stone,when given the command word of "entrap" emits an energy vortex, which is powerful enough to suck the form of any extraplanar creature (CR 9 or lower) Thus trapping it within the stone for 1d6 days. A caster of the required level or higher, can command the stone to banish the trapped creature(s) to another plane of the caster's choosing. The stone can be used by any creature of any alignment,provided they meet the listed requirements. Once the command word is given the stone will illuminate and seek out the nearest extraplanar creature,the targeted creature must make a DC 13 Wil save to avoid imprisonment. The stone turns to dust after 3 uses.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item,banishment,Cost 4000 gp
Hi Everyone, thought I'd weigh in on this thread with my own entry, here it isStone of Banishment
Aura: Moderate Abjuration; CL 7th
Slot-; Price 8000 gp, Weight 1 lbDescription
This round stone,when given the command word of "entrap" emits an energy vortex, which is powerful enough to suck the form of any extraplanar creature (CR 9 or lower) Thus trapping it within the stone for 1d6 days. A caster of the required level or higher, can command the stone to banish the trapped creature(s) to another plane of the caster's choosing. The stone can be used by any creature of any alignment,provided they meet the listed requirements. Once the command word is given the stone will illuminate and seek out the nearest extraplanar creature,the targeted creature must make a DC 13 Wil save to avoid imprisonment. The stone turns to dust after 3 uses.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item,banishment,Cost 4000 gp
Two comments (and I don't mean these to sound harsh; I have nothing but respect for anyone who submitted an item)
You refer to requirements ("...caster of the required level or higher..." "...meet the listed requirements...") that are not given in the item description. What are the requirements here?
Second, the punctuation is really not good - a period is missing after the first sentence, you have lots of commas that aren't needed (and many with no spaces after them. Maybe the formatting got messed up when you submitted it?) More attention to detail here would have been better. Spelling and grammar are also lacking ("Wil save"; "Thus trapping...for 1d6 days" is a sentence fragment).
Crown of Deceit
Aura moderate enchantment and illusion; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 9,600 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This platinum crown is encrusted with five gems, one large gem (keystone) in the center measuring three by two inches with two gems on each side of it measuring one by one inch each. Upon speaking the command word, the wearer of the Crown of Deceit can force all humanoid onlookers within a twenty foot radius to see the person they most desire, dead or alive. The wearer can target one, some, or all onlookers. All victims of the crown’s magic are allowed a will save with a DC of 16 to nullify the effect. The wearer is not aware of whether his onlookers are enthralled. While under the effects of the crown, the wearer gets +20 to all Diplomacy and Bluff checks with the enthralled victims. The effect lasts for five minutes (50 rounds). Also, any affected victims are more susceptible to suggestions from the wearer, giving a -4 penalty to will saves to resist any enchantment cast by the wearer.
When the crown is activated the large gem set in the center of the crown dulls for 24 hours when it returns to a brilliant state. If the crown is activated again while the keystone is dull, one of the remaining small gems shatters and is irreplaceable. If all of the small gems are shattered and the keystone is dull, the crown cannot be activated again until the keystone resumes shining. During that time, the Crown of Deceit is considered nonmagical.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Charm, Disguise Self, Suggestion; Cost 4,800 gp
I think this is a cool idea, but I had a lot of questions about the execution.
Here are a few thoughts that occurred to me as I was reading the description. First sentence - lots of emphasis on the gems and lots of detail about how big each one is, precisely. Is it really important to know how many inches each gem is? Also, those are all huge! I know it's a fantasy setting, but those seem enormous. Also the crown is platinum. Is this priced right for the cost of the raw materials? (maybe it is, but I wonder about it)
When someone sees the person they most desire, where does their vision of that person appear? Just standing around somewhere? How does that help with diplomacy or bluff checks? It wasn't until I read Disguise Self in the Requirements that I realized what you meant here, that the wearer of the crown took on the appearance of what the target desired to see. It would have helped to be more explicit about your meaning - don't leave it to the reader to make inferences, but hit them over the head with it explicitly.
The "When... when" sentence is a bit awkward, replacing the second 'when' with 'then' would have helped a bit (replacing 'when it returns' with 'and then returns' might help more). Does this mean that it works when the keystone is dull, but a small gem is expended to make it work? So the small gems are sort of a limited number of emergency charges?
This gem mechanism seems complicated. It's a lot to keep track of how many of the small gems are unbroken, the 24 hour period for the large gem, and when/if the crown is currently nonmagical. Maybe something simpler?
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Maybe waiting a few days for things to quieten down wasn't the best idea... :)
In retrospect I can see enough problems that this was obviously not up to scratch -- unclear wording, the pricing, and a general lack of "wow" -- but I'd like to hear what others think.
In particular, was it a bad idea or an okay idea poorly executed?
The Low Templar’s Squire
Aura faint conjuration; CL 1st
Slot chest; Price 5,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This doublet, such as might typically be worn under armor, provides the wearer with a measure of the assistance a knight may receive in combat from his squire. An invisible, mindless, shapeless force responds to the wearer’s mental commands and assists in drawing and sheathing weapons, storing and retrieving carried equipment, etc. The wearer may, for example, simply hand her sword to the squire and command it to sheathe the weapon.
The wearer may perform the following as swift actions rather than move actions, and without provoking an attack of opportunity:
• Draw a weapon
• Load a hand crossbow or light crossbow
• Sheathe a weapon
• Ready or drop a shield
• Retrieve a stored item
The wearer may perform the following as a move action rather than a standard action:
• Draw a hidden weapon
The wearer also always counts as having help when donning or removing armor.
The squire can only ever interact with items carried or worn by the wearer, and can only handle a single object of up to 20lbs at a time. Should the wearer command the squire to perform a task that it cannot complete that round for whatever reason, or where the item exceeds 20lbs in weight, any item held by the squire is dropped at the end of the round.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant; Cost 2,500 gp
Pricing note: Spell level 1 x caster level 1 x use-activated/continuous = 2,000gp. Closest analogues are – glove of storing (10,000gp) and handy haversack (2,000gp). Provides potentially substantial benefit in combat, price raised to 5k.
Dear Azmahel,
In recognition of your valued assistant...
Dear M(r)s RpgSupersuccubus,
In the name of Syphons Inc.,
I hereby apologize if you, by reading our sales pitch you came to the perception that our fine Spell Syphon was indeed fashioned from genuine unbreakable(tm) crystal. As you remarked this stuff is hard to come by (and can always be recognized by the (tm) close to the name, to avoid future misunderstandings). We indeed have to clarify that the crystal is not unbreakable as in the literal sense of the word. Merely quite hard to break. And while we strife to uphold the highest standards of quality, this crystal is about as sturdy and withstanding as cold iron, while still retaining all the desirable features of clear crystal.
This amount of sturdiness was designed to withhold any regular use (and abuse) of our fine Spell Syphon and to ensure the prolonged functionality and quality of our product. it was not designed, however to jam portcullises or serve as a stop gag for the angry dragon in your neighborhood. Since we always strive to be honest with our customers, I ,as the spokesperson for our customer service department again want to apologize. The questionable term found its way into our sales pitch on the behalf of our marketing department (which we are roasting on a small flame as of now), to ensure that our product might not be mistaken for an implement, fragile, or even (Gasp!) one use in nature. Should You, your priced Spell Syphon, a portcullis or other device, or any minion (disposable or not) have come to harm by this regretful misunderstanding I would like to offer you a voucher for any Product in our catalog of equal or lesser value to the total damage done. Might I perhaps interest you in one of our new series of Soul Syphons?
We hope that you will stay with us as a valued and trusted customer despite this unfortunate incident (Bob, the marketing guy is gonna pay for this) and hope that you continue you world domination endeavors with our quality products.
As a further token of humble apology we included a cursed phylactery of faithfulness with this letter, we are sure you find a fun way to implement it on your pet.
Sincerely,
Azmahel
Customer Service, Syphons Inc.
PS: Any terms and concepts that may be unfamiliar to a Succubus Seductress, busy as you have been linked for your convenience.
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I was one of the four first round alternates in this year's contest. Now that it's been confirmed that all 32 of the contestants to make it to round 2 have submitted their entries on time and, presumably, none of the alternates will be called up, I would appreciate it if someone could reveal all the judges' comments about my entry:
Boots of Roots
Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot feet; Price 3,700 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Constructed from course, fibrous filaments of plant material, these boots put down roots whenever the wearer stops moving. The roots secure the wearer in place, making it more difficult to be moved against his will. The wearer receives a +4 bonus to CMD against combat maneuvers that attempt to change the wearer's position, trip or knock him down, and bestows +4 bonuses to saves verses spells and spell-like effects that relocate the wearer or cause him to fall prone.
The boots activate when the wearer ends movement in contact with a solid surface. As part of a move action, the wearer may deactivate the boots for the duration of his movement. This magical footwear does not function on any ship, vessel or surface that moves. The wearer can not run while wearing these boots but may move at normal speed across most slippery surfaces (horizontal surfaces only, not vertical or sharply slanted ones) other than ice.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle; Cost 1800 gp
Boots of Roots
*I think these boots are a really clever use of of entangle that avoids being a SIAC and has enough focus that it's not trying to do too much. Mechanically, it seems sound, though I feel like there's probably something I'm missing. I wish the name didn't rhyme, as I think that detracts from the quality of the piece as a whole. And I'm not sure the +4 bonus is entirely balanced for the price. It effectively grants the defensive benefits of several feats all at once and doesn't require any activation.
*...a limited activation and a better title would certainly improve it.
*I like the idea behind these boots, but I think the execution is lacking.
*I don't mind the name that much. It makes sense. You're "putting down roots" in order to stand more solidly in place.
*...the pricing/cost seems off. I'm guessing they thought a masterwork pair of boots must cost an extra 100 gp in the price, but not the cost of manufacturing them?
*A +4 bonus to CMD is better than the Defensive Combat Training feat, but more specific since it only applies against situations designed to move or knock down the wearer. Extending that bonus to saves "verses" (which should be versus) similar spell effects makes sense, but also kicks the item up another notch compared to the feat. I believe there's usually an assumed cost for items that grant a feat, and I suspect it's more than 3,700 gp.
*...I think the mechanics explained in this item are too open. They work when you end your movement while in contact with a solid surface...just not a ship or vehicle or anything that moves...and yet a wooden catwalk or bridge is okay because it doesn't move? Why? It also doesn't work through ice...which I'm okay with. And obviously, it wouldn't work while moving across the back of a dragon or something. Personally, I would have rather seen the designer state it only works while in contact with the ground...similar to the way an earth elemental gains bonuses as long as it's in contact with the ground. That should be sufficient to dovetail with the idea of putting down roots.
*The item also says you can deactivate the boots for the duration of your movement as part of a move action. That feels awkward to me. First, the boots obviously aren't working if you're moving. The earlier description of its mechanics already said they only put down roots when you stop moving and you're in contact with a solid surface. Secondly, why as part of a move action? It's not like this is the free opportunity to draw a weapon as part of a move if you've got a +1 BAB or greater. Why not just say it's a swift action or free action to dismiss the roots so you can get moving again and leave it at that?
*There's some other language/writing/grammar issues in here that don't bode well (i.e., "verses" vs. "versus" and "can not" vs. "cannot"). Not enough to probably kill it. But still, in just 182 words those two errors might be indicative of a greater problem down the road. The spellchecker wouldn't catch these...but a proofreader should have.
*I like the technical aspect of it, and the flavor of the rooting effect.
*I don't like that the name rhymes. At all.
*I agree that it's underpriced.
*I agree that it needs cleanup, especially re: moving, being on ships. etc.
*...the effect is really pre-nerfed and thus much less cool than it should have been.
*There's no "root" flavor. There's no ability to suck sustenance out of the ground. No ability to stay still for a full round then gain the effects of Barkskin. How about staying still for 10 minutes and gaining the illusion of a tree suitable for the environment?
*Why can't I run? That's a nonsense limitation that is going to constantly bug the hell out of players and DMs.
*I don't think of "roots" when I think about "moving over slippery surfaces". And why not ice? What's an adventurer more likely to be moving over, ice or some undefined "slippery surface"? Why not on a moving object? Gimme my "roots" when I'm on the yardarm, or standing atop a carriage careening down a crowded alley, etc.
*This is RPG Superstar. I get the value in making fairly low cost items and low magic items for campaigns that swing that way (I even voted for a couple in my original Keep list) - but this item deserved to be more expensive, cooler, and way less restricted.
on to page 2:
The Not Lost Box
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 15 pounds
Description
This wooden chest has a nacre moon emblem on the lid and mystical symbols carved into all sides. It is big enough to hold anything 9 inches wide by 10 inches tall by 6 inches deep.
The first person who turns the moon emblem clockwise three times becomes the new owner. The owner can place any objects that will fit into the box. When he closes the lid, the items vanish so they do not appear to any one else and add no weight to the box. Only when the owner opens the lid do the items reappear. For all others, the Not Lost Box works only as a normal box.
Should the Not Lost Box be abandoned, stolen, or lost, it mysteriously reappears 1d100 minutes later within reach of its owner.
The box returns to unowned status upon the death of the owner or if the owner turns the moon emblem three times counter-clockwise. The same person, or a blood relative if the owner is deceased, can retrieve items left inside by becoming the owner again. A Not Lost Box can have many such previous owners, each with their own contents inside.
If the box is destroyed, owners can retrieve their contents if another box is constructed using more than half of the remains of the old one.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Secret Chest; Cost 4,500 gp
First off, I think the name is kinda silly. Not overly so, but enough for me to doubt the seriousness of this item.
So it's a small, lightweight bag of holding with added safety measures and no weight or space limitations?
Not overly creatve or new. And that all the functions are about limitless (no maximum space or weight stored, no means of ever unintentionally loosing the box or its contents.) to boot.
So its a bag of holding, but only better in about every aspect (except for the size of the opening, which of course limits it in its ability to be used as a bulk storage, which means that this is a bag of holding that is better than a bag of holding, but useless in the main area of use for a bag of holding).
Clay of Flesh Crafting
Aura strong transmutation CL 10th
Slot--- Price 3800 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description The Clay of Flesh Crafting resembles fine potters clay, moist to the touch, with a light brownish tinge. Applied to the skin of a target humanoid, this single use item makes the flesh malleable, allowing another person to reshape the target’s physical appearance including apparent sex, race, weight and height with a Craft: Sculpture check. Unwilling targets must be physically or magically restrained throughout the process. DC’s on the Craft: Sculpture checks are:
Same race and sex DC 10
Different race or sex (or both) DC 15
Specific person: DC 30, +5 circumstance bonus modeling off a painting or statue; +10 if modeled on an actual model.
A successful role allows the character a +15 circumstance bonus to disguise checks. The clay does not change hair color, eye color, or the target’s size category or grant racial abilities.
Alternately, the clay can be used to cause blindness, deafness, or silence without a skill check by covering the ears, mouth, and eyes or any combination thereof. Silence also removes the ability of the target to eat, leading to eventual starvation. Effects are permanent unless removed by break enchantment, limited wish, wish, miracle or reapplying the Clay of Flesh Crafting and making the appropriate skill checks.
The original clay originates in Arcadia, which some tribes of the continent use in adoption ceremonies for children captured to replace slain relatives. Wizards in Cheliax and Andoran have mastered the art of mixing the clay. It is used by both nations’ intelligence services and in Cheliax for artistic endeavors.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, permanency Cost 3800 gp
My biggest issue is: what happens when one does fail the crafting roll? Horrible disfigurations?
Then how to I apply the Blindness/deafness and silence uses? Do I roll clay balls and make ranged touch attacks?
After all this is just a collection of Siacs, with a slightly gross flavour.
Also It reminds me of the Tzimisce from the VtM rpg.
Gauntlets of the Chittering Delve
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot hands Price 22,500 gp Weight 2 lbs.
Description These crude gauntlets are crafted from segmented chitin and poorly cured hide with tufts of fur still attached. Spiraling Aklo runes are burned into each, extolling the powers of the Rough Beast. Upon activation, the gauntlets warp your hands, enlarging grotesquely and elongating your fingers into jagged obsidian talons. These claws allow you to dig through solid rock as if it were soft clay, burrowing through it at a speed of 5 feet/round. You do not leave a usable tunnel behind you unless you choose to, and any such tunnel is filled with rubble and counts as difficult terrain.
Once so transformed, you cannot wield hand-held weapons, cast spells requiring somatic components, or perform any tasks requiring fine manual dexterity. However, you gain two primary natural claw attacks, each of which does 1d6 points of damage. If Rovagug is your patron, you can attempt to sunder items in combat with the claws as if you had the Improved Sunder feat. Additionally, your claw strikes can ignore object hardness of 8 or less. If you already possess the above feat, checks made to sunder gain an additional +2 bonus.
Activating or deactivating the gauntlets is a swift action, and both gauntlets must be worn in order to function. The gauntlets can remain active for 9 rounds, plus a number of extra rounds equal to your Constitution bonus, if any. These rounds do not need to be consecutive.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous item, shatter, beast shape III Cost 11,250 gp
Givng charcters a burrowing speed that can even burrow through solid granite falls under „makes adventuring“ easier, because it can be used to circumwent traps or even whole sections of dungeons.
And the rest of it borders on magical weapon, even if it is only useable for a limited number of rounds per day.
Swift action activation is nonstandard ( ;) ) and unnecessary.
Spaulder of Forlorn Hope
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot chest slot; Price14,000 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
Description
This over-sized spaulder is typically stylized to represent the shock troopers it was designed for. Most commonly found in Mendev and Lastwall, these items help aid elite soldiers when significantly outnumbers by multitudes of lesser foes.
After the required 24 hour attuning, the spaulder may be activated by command word once per day. Upon activation, the spaulder creates a replica perfectly overlapping with the wearer's own form. It then splits from them to occupy an adjacent square and solidifies as a spiritual ally, except as noted below.
The replica lasts for 7 rounds. If the wearer does not spend a swift action to direct the replica, it attacks the closest enemy. Furthermore, without direction, it always move to flank with the wearer if possible. While the replica's weapon visually matches the wearer's, the damage is 1d8+2 and scores a critical only on a natural 20. It uses the wearer's base attack bonus (gaining extra attacks if your base attack bonus is high enough) plus their Charisma bonus when it makes a melee attack. Furthermore, if they possess any teamwork feats, the replica is considered an ally who also has those feats.
Lastly, in the face of swarms of overwhelming foes, the wearer may dismiss the replica early as a move action. Doing so triggers the replica to perform a great cleave, per the feat, before dissipating. If the replica has already attacked this round, this ability is wasted. Attempting to identify the replica from the wearer requires a DC 25 Perception check.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item feat, any one Teamwork feat, spiritual ally; Cost 7,000 gp
Nice name.
The „chest slot“ should be simply „chest“ and the fact that your item are spaulders scream „specific magic armor“ to me.
Why is there an attuning period? Most items don't have one. Why does this?
The replica effect is a nice rip off the spiritual ally spell and the teamwork feats are a nice addititon and inclusion of new rules material, but since you restate so much of the spell in question it raises the question if the things not repeated here ( like force effect, unkillable, spell resistance apllies, etc.) still apply. Especially since the replica is described as a corporeal it doesn't feel like it is supposed to be a force effect. Why does it deal 1d8 damage and not 1d10 as the spell?
If the reploca is still immune to damage and stirkes as a force effect can I discern who is who by its behavior and reactions, or do I have to make the perception check in any case?
The early dismiss ability helps moving it further away from SiaC territory.
One problem might be that the replicas effects are based on you Bab and not the items CL , that makes it very hard to price ( atfter all the replica of a 6th level fighter is about twice as powerfull than that of a 3rd level one)
After all still a bit of a SiaC, but it does a lot to get away from that territory.
I like it quite a bit.
Just checked the price and it seems to be about ok too.
As always i could live without the backstory/ campaign specific stuff.
Contract Collar
Aura faint enchantment; CL 4th
Slot neck; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Originally forged by inquisitors of Abadar, these simple collars are now only known by the moniker given to them by the merchants that spread them through the lands. The collar fits tightly around the neck of a humanoid creature. The collars are as sturdy and difficult to escape as masterwork manacles bound by a superior lock. Once put onto a creature, it can be activated by any individual by speaking a unique command word as a standard action. When activated, it casts hold person (DC 13) on the creature that is bound by the collar. The range for this function is 140 feet. Frequently, the command word is etched on the inside of the collar.
The collars are frequently keyed to their owner. To do this, the owner places an invisible arcane mark on it. Only the oldest arcane mark placed on an item has any effect. Once keyed in this fashion, the collar will only activate for the owner who placed the arcane mark on it. Additionally, once keyed, the collar allows the master to create a 20-ft. radius ward centered on the collar as a standard action twice per day. If the collar leaves the warded area, the owner receives a mental alarm as if using the alarm spell. The range for this ability is 35 ft and the ward persists for 8 hours.
Any attempt to escape, either by using an Escape Artist check or by attempting to break the collar results in automatic activation of the collar each round that the efforts continue.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alarm, hold person; Cost 8,000
The automatic collar that shocks (n this case paralyses) on command and when a creature tries to escape, and triggers an alarm, when the bound creature leaves a certain area is certainly not a new idea. And might well be a modern day item disguised as magic. It is nicely executed and quite well presented, but simply lacks creativity.
Cloak of the Pride
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot shoulders; Price 59900 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A mane of long, dark brown fur lines the upper quarter of this cloak, while the rest of the drape is the tawny pelt of a lion’s body. Tidily trimmed into the shape of a traveler’s cloak, the pelt grants a +2 bonus to Stealth checks(+4 in undergrowth) much like the lion it once belonged to.
The enchantments on the cloak offers enhancements to combat much like a lioness hunts. A +1 competence bonus to flanking applies for anyone who wears this cloak; this bonus increases by +2 for every other flanking ally who is wearing a Cloak of the Pride. The flanking bonus cannot be stacked higher than +5(+7 counting standard flanking bonus).
Once per day, the wearer can wrap the cloak tightly around himself and take on the form of a lion(as per Beast Shape II). This effect lasts for 8 minutes, but can be dismissed early as a standard action, consuming any unused minutes afterwards.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Beast Shape II, a freshly skinned lion pelt; Cost 29950 gp
59,900gp? Why not 60,000?
Untyped skill bonus is unusual. And with it this starts to feel like Monster in a Can.
+1 competence bonus to flanking? So i have a +1 flanking then? (I know what you mean, but thats not what the description says) that the bonus grows that strong when there are more cloaks is new and interesting, but it also raises balance and pricing concerns. (after all it is 1 +1 item for 60k, or 2 +3 items for 120k, or 3 +5 items for 180k, or.... that means the overall bonus grows exponentialy while the price grows linearly, while hte norm is the otehr way around)
The last effect is only a Spell in a can and does pull it back in the Monster in a can trerritory it avoided so far.
And then all this item does is improving flanking bonuses. Thats not too exciting after all. (for 60k I would rather buy a +5 weapon for +5 attacks and damage the whole time rather than +1 to flanking)
And lastly you shouldn't include the materials in the requirements. They are assumed to be part of the 30,000 gp in materials you have to buy anyway.
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 24,050 gp; Weight 9 lbs.
Description
This is an unremarkable baked clay pot affixed with a cord handle, of the sort used by beekeepers to smoke beehives. When the crock is filled with smoke-producing fuel—such as twine, burlap, pine needles, sumac, or rotten wood—and lit (both are standard actions), it produces a hazy smoke in a 15-foot radius that causes docility in vermin swarms. The smoke reduces visibility by half, resulting in a -4 penalty on Perception checks.
Vermin swarms within the smoke are rendered docile, as though under the effects of calm animals. This effect persists as long as the smoke occupies at least one square of the swarms' space. Any action taken that would end the effects of that spell immediately causes the smoke to disperse, ending the effect. Creatures within the smoke can move through spaces occupied by vermin swarms without ending the effect, so long as they move no faster than their base speed.
Once per day on command, the crock's bearer can direct one of the affected swarms to move toward and attack any creatures outside of the smoke. This effect is similar to dominate animal cast by a 5th-level caster, except the swarm will attack creatures two or more size categories larger than it. After this effect's duration ends, the swarm reverts to its previous behavior.
The crock produces smoke for 5 minutes. After this time, or if the crock is extinguished, it no longer affects the vermin and they behave normally unless it is fueled and lit again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Vermin Heart, calm animals, dominate animal; Cost 12,025 gp
An item for disgruntled Beekeepers? Seems awfully specific for me and kinda seems like a riff off to the realm of the fellnight queen and a wink to Neil. ( note: I have only read the name so far)
I like that is an item that helps with fighting swarms, but it is kinda expensive for that. ( by the time you can affort it you have better ways for dealing with swarms, but i would love something like this for the level 3-8 range)
The chosen imagery and real world borrowing of this item makes it seem a bit silly too.
That the effect is automatic nad doesn't allow for a save makes this the ultimate anti-swarm item to boot.
And 1/day you can invoke an automatic dominate animal effect.
It is kinda counterintuitive that an item that is that powerfull still relies on fuel, especially if said fuel is as simple as a few twigs. So effectively the item is unlimited in use anyway.
Tiniek’s Talkative Tankard
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 29,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This clay tankard has the caricature of a gnome’s face carved on its surface. When the tankard is held and filled with any type of alcoholic drink the face animates and begins to speak. The tankard speaks in the language of its owner but regardless of the language spoken, always speaks with the unmistakable accent of a slightly inebriated gnome sailor of the floating settlement of Gogpodda. The tankard will begin waxing lyrical about various topics while active. Due to the tankard’s inebriation and tendency to drift off topic, the owner must succeed on a DC 10 diplomacy check to focus the tankard on discussing the information they wish. If successful, the owner gets a +5 competence bonus when taking 10 or taking 20 on all Knowledge skill checks, and can make those skill checks untrained. Once per day, as a standard action, drinking the liquid in the tankard grants tongues on the owner for 50 minutes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, clairaudience/clairvoyance, tongues; Cost 14,500 gp
A Person in the item name, as well as a slightly silly alliteration and the word „talkative“ which implies an intelligent item. This has a hard start.
And its description starts with a carricature. This delves deeper into silly-land.
What exactly is the accent of the floating settlement of Gogpodda, and what if that place doesn't exist in my ame? Can my wizard character create this item if he doesn't kow the accent? Can he create on with another accent? That you must talk the tankard into helping you is a nice touch, but also hints more at intelligent item.
And as real effects we have a skill bonus that only works when you take 10 or even 20 ( so when you are fairly sure to succed anyways, and can you een do that if you aren't a bard?) and a Spell in a tankard, … uhm can.
Adventurers Rally Stones
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 13th
Slot —; Price 110’000gp (minimum for complete set of 10), individual stones only worth their value as a cut gemstone; Weight —lbs.
Description
Rally stones are a safeguard against the cardinal rule many groups sometimes break. DON’T SPLIT THE PARTY! During construction a single large gemstone is cut into smaller gems (worth at least 1000gp each). A key phrase to activate the stones is chosen by the caster. As a standard action anyone possessing a stone may speak the activation phrase. All other creatures who are in possession of a stone (e.g. in a backpack/pocket) are immediately teleported to the nearest adjacent square to the creature who spoke the activation phrase. Any creature carrying a rally stone gets no save to avoid being teleported. Because of this quirk, stones are sometimes left in piles of treasure to be taken by unwitting adventures who later find themselves randomly teleported into a very precarious situation. A set of stones can be activated 3 times per day.
Any effect/area/resistance that would prevent Greater Teleport functioning can also prevent a creature being teleported via a rally stone’s effect. A creature who finds and identifies a rally stone can attempt to activate the stone blindly without knowing the activation phrase with a successful Use Magic Device check DC30 and teleport the other stones and the creature possessing them to her, a dangerous proposition, but one that would lead to acquiring a complete set of rally stones and the activation phrase.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, 5 Ranks Craft: Gemstone, Greater Teleport, a Gemstone worth at least 10,000gp, 1 Caster level per smaller gem cut Cost 50’000gp + minimum 10’000gp gemstone
What do you mean with „minimum for a complete set? Doe a set of 11 cost more? How much? Can there even be a set of 11, since 10 is a complete set? Do some sets cost more than others?
ALL CAPS IN THE DESCRIPTIVE TEXT MEANS YOU ARE SCREAMING AT YOU CUSTOMER. And this statement would irritate me een if it wasn't written in caps.
How exactly is possession defined? What if I have a gem on my night table, or in the bagpack under my piilow? Am I teleported? Is my backpack/ the night table? Waht if more than one creature is touching a gem when it is activated?
You include story hooks in your item description. That makes it seem way more like a plot device than it actually is.
This is basically a very, very high powered bracelet of friends and with it a bit of a refuge in a can and I kinda miss those spells in the requirements.
With your entry statement and the slipping into possible plot hooks makes it read more like a piece of lore than a rules text and might be deemed inappropiate format for the presentation of a wondrous item (I at least don't reallylike this way of presentation), and makes it feel more like a plot hook or home campaign item.
Pharaoh's Periapt of Pestilence
Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 11th
Slot neck; Price 110,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This amulet appears to be a necklace made of solid gold, which is clasped by six mummified index fingers. While worn, all diseases spread by the wearer no longer have an onset period and their frequency is halved.
Additionally, the wearer of the amulet can expend one or more charges to augment his diseases. When expending one charge, the wearer can add +2 to the DC of their diseases. When expending two charges, he can halve the frequency of the diseases once more, can empower the effect of the disease (typically increasing its ability damage by 50%) or can have one successful save not add to the amount of consecutive saves needed to cure the disease. When expending four charges, the first attempt to remove the disease always fails (such as through the remove disease spell or a successful heal check); seemingly making the treatment look ineffective. Each enhancement to the disease lasts for 24 hours. Multiple effects can be combined, but the same effect can not be applied more than once. Expending one or more charges takes a swift action. Expending a charge causes one of the mummified fingers to slowly rot off almost entirely; leaving little more than a fingertip clinging onto the necklace and the putrid stench of decay.
A Pharaoh's Periapt of Pestilence has six charges. A single mummified finger regrows every week, allowing the wearer to expend another charge.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Empower Spell, Heighten Spell, contagion, creator must be evil; Cost 55,000 gp.
Magic item auras are strong if they are CL 12 or higher. So your Cl should be 12 or Aura moderate.
With the many different uses for its charges this screams SAK. And even if its theme is focused on diseases, this still doesn't shake off that pitfall.
What exactly are the wearer diseases? The diseases he currently suffers from? The one he is able to spread naturally? With spells?
While you work well with the pathfinder disease rules and try to do something new with them, you don't really excite with your new approaches. Maybe doubly so, because every new rule loses focus by the other rules you introduce at the same time.
The item is also very expensive and can only be afforded at a level of play where diseases don't really matter anymore.
...
Vow of Silence
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot Head; Price 53,000 Weight 1lb.
Description
This black leather mask covers the mouth and wraps around the back of the head where two buckles fasten. The phrase “silence is golden,” in bright gold paint, reveals itself along the mouth cover in the absence of sound.
Any creature that puts on Vow of Silence must make a will saving throw DC 13 or become mute. Only creatures who “willingly” fail the save, and become mute, gain benefits from the mask. A creature that takes the save and fails becomes mute but does not gain the benefits of use. An unwilling creature must make a save every round until muted or the mask is removed. Casting break enchantment, greater restoration, miracle or wish restores a creature’s speech. Creatures that willfully used the item and have their speech restored can never reuse the mask, but can become mute in the attempt. The willful wearer of the mask continually gains the effect of a silence spell, but the area of effect is personal. The wearer can hear all incoming noise, but emits no noise to others. The wearer and his gear are not hampered by the silence effect. Every surface the wearer touches in any way is not audible to others. Continual silence takes the form of a special circumstance bonus to stealth +20. Vow of Silence has an AC 16, 2 hit points and hardness of 2. Once per day the wearer can cast silence as the spell.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, silence; Cost 26,500
A Vow as an item? This is unusual (normal approach would be a feat or trait). And you really struggle to keep up the aspects of a vow working with the item. This makes you loose focus and hurts the presentation of your item.
All it does, beside muting you ( a trait not desirable for player characters in general, because it causes a lot of trouble for actual play or is a cheap excuse not to take part in any actual roleplaying) , giving a +20 to stealth ( with an unusual bonus type) and 1/day silence. That is SAK, SiaC and rather bland.
The way the mask responds to unwillingly muted creatures also makes this feel a bit like a cursed item.
Widow’s Lock
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot belt; Price 5,800 gp; Weight 1lb.
Description
This belt is fashioned from a long braid of silvery white hair that expands and contracts like a living, breathing creature. The belt harnesses the years of bitter loneliness the hair has absorbed to keep enemies at bay. When worn, the animate hairs uncoil and whip at any creature that gets too close. The distraction gives the wearer a +4 competence bonus to Combat Maneuver Defense.
As a standard action, the wearer can command the belt to unknot so the hairs can lash out with their full length, hampering movement. This creates a 5-ft. radius emanation, centered on the wearer, which causes any creature entering it to treat the area as difficult terrain. This effect never hampers the movement of the wearer. The wearer can cancel this effect as a swift action.
Traditionally the command word for the belt is the name of the widow’s lost love.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope or entangle; Cost 2,900 gp
Cool item, nice, simple mechanics. I just don't get the vibe of the widow theme.
+4 CMD may be a bit much for the given price. And it isn't specified against which kinds of attack the bonus applies. Does it apply to ranged combat maneuvers ( like from a telekinesis spell) ?
Also distraction should apply an effect to the creature distracted. Maybe the hair simulates the aid another action to distract an enemy (-2 to melee attacks against the wearer)
I really like the difficult terrain angle. But I think it could be worded a bit more clearly.
Aside form that, simple, new and neat. Like it.
ISeekers Eye
Aura Strong Divination; CL 12th
Slot Eyes; Price 54,000 gp; Weight ---
Description
The Seekers Eye is a crystal lens which hovers in place half an inch from the wearers left eye. The lens has 5 charges, which renew 24 hours after the first charge was used, and can confer the following benefits.
As long has the eye has at least one charge remaining, the wearer can spend a full round action to detect hostile intentions from surrounding creatures within 20ft. By spending extra turns, the radius can be extended to a maximum of 60ft after 3 turns.
As a swift action, the wearer of a Seekers eye can expend a charge to receive one of the following benefits:-
Follow Movement:- The Seekers Eye tracks the movements of its target, allowing you to guess with ease where your opponent will be when you strike. Choose a target within 20ft. Until the end of your next turn, that target is denied his dexterity bonus to his AC. However, this ability does not allow a rogue to deal additional sneak attack damage to its target.
Expose Weakness:- Casting its gaze swiftly over its target, the Seekers Eye reveals the weakest spots in your opponents defences. Choose a target within 20ft. Until the end of your next turn, any shield or armour bonuses that opponent normally receives are halved on all attacks you make against them.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, Analyse Dweomer, True Seeing Cost 27,000 gp
Whats up with the I in the name? Copy/Paste error? Was it submitted with the I? I wonder if this might even be a pun on apple products ( there have been a few IBard submissions in the previous years.)
What exactly are hostile intentions and how are they detected? Are creatures allowed a save against this effect?
Why is the target affected by the insights of the eye? As you word it the creatures looses its dex bonus against all attacks, including ones made by your allies.
The 3 effects are quite different from each other and make this item a SAK.
Your new writeup takes care of most of these issues, but it still is pretty much a loosely themed SAK.
Astonishing cuff links
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 10th
Slot bracers; Price 6250 gp; Weight --
Description
These magical cuff links are worn as a pair on shirt or armor cuffs, or in a wristband or bracelet. While both are worn the cuff links assist in hand ‘magic’ tricks through use of a linked magical space, in which items can be placed into and withdrawn from either, providing a +5 bonus to sleight of hand checks. Additionally, two small items or smaller (but no more than two) may be stored within, in an extra-dimensional space, as a move action. The secondary power of the cuff links assists the wearer in activating items as they’re withdrawn. Withdrawing an item is a swift action which also reduces the time required to activate the retrieved item from standard action to a move action, if applicable. A potion would be unstopped, or wand already waved and waiting on activation word.
Construction Craft Wondrous Item, secret chest, cat’s grace, unseen servant; Cost 3175 gp
How can cuff links be astonishing?
Price/ cost ratio is incorrect (same mistake I made.... )
What is an small item? Is it an item as large as a small creature or smaller? In that case the space is kinda big for hiding holes for “magic tricks”.
Messing with action types seems to be kinda “in” this year. But it is a dangerous thing to do. In your case it has one powerful effect: the ability to cast a normal spell and one from a wand in the same round. Thats pretty powerful, not as powerful as a wand of quicken spell, but not too far from it.
And how can a Wand be pre-waved?
The Journal of Pernicious Replication
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.
Description
This unassuming and scuffed journal appears as a log of accounting transactions, such as a store ledger or a tax auditor’s record. Once per day, when this journal is placed in contact with another document and the command word is spoken, the content of the journal changes to that of the document touched. The cover and shape of the journal remain that of the mundane log or ledger. The user may erase (as the spell) all or part of a document they have just copied. This does not allow the copying of scrolls, spellbooks or other magical texts and such text results in garbled content in the journal. The erase effect cannot affect magical text unsuccessfully copied. The journal can copy up to 400 pages of text and illustration before reaching its capacity. Copying a document requires a standard action which does not provoke an attack of opportunity. You may return the journal to its original state by shaking the journal roughly and speaking the command word as a standard action, this removes all copied content from the journal. The journal is favoured by clerks and spies for copying important texts quickly.
Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, erase; Cost 2,500 gp
A Magical Spy-book? Neat, but not a particularly innovative idea. Can any document of any length be copied in a single standard action. Does a dossier or collection of documents count as one or many Documents in terms of actions?
All in all a nice item, but lacking originality, creativity or guts to do something really new and exciting.
Circlet of Serpentine Tendrils
Aura strong transmutation (polymorph); CL 9th
Slot head; Price 96,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This fine silver circlet depicts many serpents twisted together to form a continuous band. While worn the circlet transforms the wearer’s scalp and hair into a mound of writhing serpents granting her a bonus ‘snake bite’ +1 (1d4 plus poison (Fort DC 11, 1/round for 6 round, 1d2 Con damage; Cure 1 save, Con Based)) melee attack as well as the ‘All-Around Vision’ special ability. In addition to granting a +2 to Perception checks, ‘All-Around Vision’ prevents the wearer from becoming flanked. If blinded the wearer can once again be flanked and looses the bonus to Perception checks.
The +1 bonus on the ‘snake bite’ melee attack and the Fort DC to resist the poison inflicted by the bite increases by +1 for every three levels the wearer gains beyond 1st (4th, 7th, 10th, 13th, etc) to a maximum bonus of +6 and maximum Fort DC of 17. The Con damage of the poison increases by 1d2 at levels 10th (1d4) and 20th (1d6) and at 10th level the cure requirments increase to 2 consecutive saves.
Additionally the wearer receives a +5 monstrous bonus to Intimidate checks against all humanoids. A -5 penalty to Diplomacy and Bluff checks against all humanoids is also applied as a result of the wearer’s monstrous visage.
If the circlet is removed or destroyed all magical effects, bonuses, special abilities and penalties are also removed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, polymorph (greater); Cost 48,000 gp
Strong auras are Cl 13+ , so this should have a moderate Aura.
Is the +1 behind the bite a magical bonus or the overall attack bonus? (overall bonus would be pretty low given the cost of the item)
Is the save based on the Con of the wearer? What is the assumed Con for the given DC ?
All around vision is a pretty powerful effect, after all it is more than improved uncanny dodge.
You don't need to restate the effects of all-around-vision.
Basing the effects of an item on the wearer's level makes it nearly impossible to price. And given the price of the item many of those increments will never be used in the game because of the high price of the item.
1d2 increased by 1d3 is 2d2 not 1d4.
The ability to deal Con damage at will is very powerful too.
Monstrous bonus is a new bonus type. You shouldn't invent new bonus types.
Bracers of the Kraken
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot wrists; Price 13,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These metal bracers typically feature an image of a kraken. They are also strangely slippery to the touch.
As a free action, the wearer may use the bracers’ power to extend her arms beyond their normal reach, for a total of up to 10 rounds per day. The 10 rounds need not be consecutive. Activating the bracers has the following effects.
The wearer’s reach extends by 10 feet. The wearer may use this extended reach to touch, pick up or manipulate items that would normally be out of reach, as well as attack foes at a distance with a weapon or touch spell. The wearer takes a -4 penalty on any ranged attack rolls made with her arms extended due to the difficulty of lining up a target when her hands are so far from her body. This extension to reach stacks with any changes to reach due to increased size (e.g. from enlarge person).
The wearer gains an enhancement bonus to her CMB to grapple or trip an opponent of +4. The wearer still needs two free hands to avoid the -4 penalty on the grapple combat maneuver roll. The force with which the wearer’s arms extend is not sufficient to allow her to make a bull rush maneuver.
If the wearer’s arms are extended for more than a single round, her arms are considered to occupy the intervening squares between her and her target and may be attacked in melee and at range as normal.
In addition, the wearer's clothes or armor become slippery as if affected by the grease spell.
Both bracers must be worn for the magic to be effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fluid form; Cost 6,600 gp
Name suggests a Monster in a can effect.
Does the penalty only apply to ranged attacks made with elongated arms ( archery or thrown weapons), or also to melee attacks made in this manner.
Having a large reach has many effects on gameplay (like the ability to make a full attack each round, even if enemies are far and few between, to make attacks of opportunity in a huge area and control movement with them in the same area.
What if I attack more than one creature per round? Do my arms occupy all those squares?
The added slippery feels like a weird late addition. And is SiaC to boot.
So you started of quite well, if a bit powerful for the price., but your last 2 additions hurt you way more than they helped. The first is horribly wonky and weird, the second a bland SiaC.
Tharqumoritron
Aura moderate divination; CL 16th
Slot -; Price 48,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
This clockwork lizard resembles an iguana with extra legs and a coiled tail. Twisting, vine-like runes run along the underside of the tail and the pads of its feet in masterfully sculpted bas-relief and its green, glass eyes seem to glow with an inner light. The Tharqumoritron may be activated once a day by winding it and feeding it a black star sapphire worth 1,000gp. Upon digestion, the Tharqumoritron regurgitates an inky, black ichor. Crawling through this ink, it coats the runes on its feet and tail and begins the meticulous process of printing a precise, five-foot diameter circle. This must be performed on wood, stone, or some similar hard, flat, and relatively clean surface. Placing a magic item into the center of the finished circle causes the Tharqumoritron to begin a low hum and minor vibration. The light behind the glass eyes intensifies until it begins to project a cloudy bubble in mid air. Creatures adjacent to the circle can see hazy illustrations, notes, and formulae related to the items creation and design swirl within the cloudy bubble. A successful Knowledge Arcana check DC 10 gives the viewer a +20 insight bonus on Use Magic Device and Spellcraft checks for this item for 24 hours. This entire process takes one hour. Only one item may be placed in the circle per use.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Identify, Legend Lore, Read Magic; Cost 24,000 gp
The name is weird, and it feels more like a monster name than an item one.
Clockwork lizards too hints at construct creature rather than item.
It is a long and complex flavor text for a really, really bland effect.
And it is really expensive for the effect, not even considering that you have to pay 1,000 gp per use.
(an item that gives you +20 on spellcraft or UMD for all intents and purposes “only” costs 40,000 gp)
It also includes vomit, and walking through the vomit, using it to draw a magical vomit circle.
Boots of the Blighted Path
Aura Moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot feet; Price 34,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Boots of the Blighted Path are made of stiff polished leather with thick soles hobnailed with iron studs. These boots are of great benefit to explorers as they destroy vegetation in the path of the wearer. This allows the wearer to ignore vegetation based rough terrain but not other forms of rough terrain. These boots also protect the wearer from any plant based hindrance of his movement such as would be created by entangle, wall of thorns or similar effects. Further, plants or plant creatures that attempt to grapple the wearer can be damaged by the boots’ power. Once per day the wearer may utilize the boots to attack a plant or plant creature that grapples the wearer as per the spell Blight. Finally, the boots store some of the life energy of the plants they destroy and may, once per day, be called upon to cure their wearer of 4d8+9 points of damage or end any one of the following conditions affecting the wearer: blinded, confused, dazzled, deafened, diseased, exhausted, fatigued, nauseated, poisoned, or sickened.
Unfortunately, the trail of dead vegetation left by the wearers’ passage makes him easy to track, +10 circumstance bonus to Survival checks. The wearer of these boots will also have trouble maintaining positive relations with Fey and other creatures with a strong connection to nature because of the destruction the boots cause. All such creatures automatically have their initial attitude toward the wearer shifted one step toward hostile.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Defoliate, Blight, Cleanse; Cost 17,000 gp
Rough terrain should be difficult terrain.
This item makes you immune to a wide range of effects.
The blight effect is a bit of SiaC and could be worded better.
The cleanse effect too is SiaC, ( you don't need to restate the whole spell), and doesn't really fit the theme of the item, making it more of a SAK.
The drawbacks are kinda nice, even if they aren't direct effects of the boots and as such are up to GM discretion. (Is it more easy to track you through a desert, underground or a busy city?).
Paper Robes
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Body; Price 12,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Paper robes hold up to five spell levels of spells as if they were a scroll. The wearer may cast these spells from the robes as if he were a spell caster of the correct level and class with a casting ability score needed for the spell (this removes that spell from the robes as if it had been burned off). If the wear is actually a spell caster he may prepare the spells on the robes as if they were on his spell list even if they normally are not. The robes do have a drawback, if the wearer takes fire damage while wearing paper robes he must make a reflex save (DC 15) or one spell burns off of the robes. A new spell may be scribed on the robes 24 hours after the last spell was burned off.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Imbue With Spell Ability Cost 6,250 gp
Does writing new spells to a robe like writing new scrolls? Material components and all?
At what level can the spells be prepared? ( e.g. if a spell is Cleric3/Druid4, can it be prepared as a 3rd or 4th level spell?)Does this effect only work for prepared casters and why?
Its a neat item with simple, if functional mechanics and a working if somewhat silly visual. In my eyes this is “Good enough for a book of magic items” , but lacks the mojo and extra spark of creativity that defines something superstar.
Mwangi Measuring Stick
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 18,000 gp Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This 3 foot long pale gray stick is made of a pliant material created by Mwangi tribal shamans by boiling the liquid distilled from certain jungle plants. The stick is marked with notches along its length at regular intervals and seems to expand and contract of its own accord.
Once per day, the possessor may place a weapon or suit of armor beside the measuring stick to attune it to the item. By then stretching or compacting the stick, the possessor may permanently enlarge or reduce the size of the attuned item by one size category.
In addition, once per day the possessor may use the measuring stick to either enlarge or reduce a creature as with an enlarge person or reduce person spell.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Enlarge Person, Reduce Person; Cost 9,000 gp
I could life without the campaign specific stuff, but that should be pretty well known by now :).
Second part is Spell in a Can, first not too useful or exciting.
This is nice and working, but it has the blandness many simple item seem to suffer from and that can only be overcome with extra cool visuals or flavor (see the bag of holes) .
CRYSTAL FLY
Aura strong divination; CL 13th
Slot — ; Price 5,000 gp; Weight —
DESCRIPTION
This tiny piece of perfectly transparent crystal is carved roughly into the shape of a fly. It can be activated as a free action by clenching it tightly in a fist and thinking of a span of time of up to one full day; when released, the crystal transforms into a real fly. For one minute after activation, the activator is able to control the fly as by the spell dominate animal. At the end of this minute the fly must land on an adjacent surface or object where it will stay for the period of time chosen at activation, after which it curls up dead. During this time, the fly has no magical aura and appears completely normal even under magical observation; the dead fly regains its strong aura of divination. The activated fly has darkvision 60 ft, uses the activator's Perception skill bonus, has AC 23 (+8 size, +5 Dex), has 1 HP, flies with speed 60 (good), and is unable to make attacks. If attacked or otherwise disturbed, it will buzz around for one round before returning to its place. When the fly dies or is killed, it teleports instantly back into its activator's hand. If prevented from teleporting to its activator, it will teleport as close as possible and the activator will instantly know the fly's location. Any intelligent creature who swallows the dead fly instantly gains complete memories of everything which happened within sight or hearing of the fly while it was "alive," as well as perfect knowledge of where it was located at each point in time.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dominate animal, find the path, greater scrying, word of recall ; Cost 2,500 gp
Ooh, I get it. It's a “bug”.
Or it's a play on “to be a fly on this wall”.
So you have all kinds of puns going on in your item, at least you are not rubbing them in.
I think you distracted from the core of your idea with all those words spent on trying to swat a bug, AC, HP and stuff.
I think the failsafe mechanisms are maybe a bit too fail safe. That way it gets a bit of plot device flavor.
It is a great thing that so many people have picked up the habit of giving feedback to a bunch of items. Something like that is a good thing for everyone involved. After all it is not just that we get more feedback on our individual items or more to learn from feedback to other items, writing feedback also helps a lot with learning things about item design.
I was one of the four first round alternates in this year's contest...
Boots of Roots
Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot feet; Price 3,700 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Constructed from course, fibrous filaments of plant material, these boots put down roots whenever the wearer stops moving. The roots secure the wearer in place, making it more difficult to be moved against his will. The wearer receives a +4 bonus to CMD against combat maneuvers that attempt to change the wearer's position, trip or knock him down, and bestows +4 bonuses to saves verses spells and spell-like effects that relocate the wearer or cause him to fall prone.
The boots activate when the wearer ends movement in contact with a solid surface. As part of a move action, the wearer may deactivate the boots for the duration of his movement. This magical footwear does not function on any ship, vessel or surface that moves. The wearer can not run while wearing these boots but may move at normal speed across most slippery surfaces (horizontal surfaces only, not vertical or sharply slanted ones) other than ice.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle; Cost 1800 gp
Ask A RPGSuperstar Succubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus – fairness is an adjective applicable to hair coloration, balance is what a couple of mortals on opposite ends of a plank pivoted on a rocky spire above a drop of several hundred feet into a pool of molten basalt frantically try to do, and logic is something which proves anything a demon of adequate status and charm requires it to demonstrate.
Boots made from coarse plant stuff so no. At best they may hope to be fashionable every once in a while.
Does the item help a demonic seductress to keep a paladin house pet?
That depends... Do the boots work inside buildings with highly polished marble floors? The sales pitch would appear to indicate so, but I'm a little doubtful that those little rootlets could get through solid stone.
Is the item otherwise useful?
Not very often.
Other Comments? (including World Domination potential on the evil laughter scale, where appropriate)
Some paladin house pets are prone to occasional attempts at bravado, such argy-bargy including actions like trying to rush a succubus off her feet. So if this item works indoors on a polished (a highly polished) marble floor, then yes it clearly has useful applications.
On a related note there are occasionally ladies of the Abyss who find it amusing to host balls where the floors are stone or wood polish to such a high degree as to be treacherous (the hostesses finding it amusing to watch their guests slip or have to resort to the air) and whilst it would be unusual footwear for such an occasion, under such circumstances if it were an aid to retaining footing this item would also be handy (and could be considered a socially appropriate response to the hostess, despite the usual conventions of attire for such events).
Gollum Rating:
(Insufficient Data regarding polished interior surfaces to make an objective assessment.) No current interest.
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Boots of Roots
Thanks Neil! That was fast, and illuminating. It's a relief to know that it wasn't some stupid mistake that kept me out of the top 32. I think it may have been the rhyming name that made the difference, and I'm okay with that. I mean, what else was I supposed to call it? Subjective matters of taste are too hard to account for when writing something for a contest. To me the rhyming still seems perfect and I don't wish I'd changed it.
Because it was framed as a question I would like to answer one of the judge's comments. "Why can't I run?" The item was built around the idiom, "put down roots." I am gratified that for at least some of judges that idea came through clearly. It promotes and rewards staying in place, not moving, and discourages running, being the form of movement furthest away from standing still. I hoped it would convey a certain philosophical opposition to running away from problems (like monsters!) It's essential to the item's theme. In my book it doesn't have to make sense apart from being thematically consistent, it's magic. I also envisioned bits of dirt clinging to the roots, and the roots gripping the ground as the wearer moved along, making them cumbersome. I can see that it would probably bug the more technical and "gamist" type gamers out there, however.
What I am most surprised at is that there were no comments about the item's description. I expected quibbling over the alliteration, ever so slightly campy style or the actual use of the phrase "put down roots," but there was nothing. Am I to think that the creative writing aspect was a complete success and didn't merit comment, or a complete failure because it was so unremarkable as to fail to solicit any reaction?
Anyway, thank you to the judges for your kind consideration and excellent feedback. It was fun to play the game.
Shroud of Necromorphosis
Interesting name. Sounds ominous. Shrouds definitely go with necromancy. And we've got a morphic element in play. Should be interesting to see how this one turns out.
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 3,600 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Aura and CL seem appropriate for an item based off create undead. And, though alter self might occasionally be seen as a lesser intensity aura (because of the lower spell level involved), I think you're smart to keep them both at moderate strength. Weight seems appropriate for a shroud, but I think you need a slot of some kind for it...not for placing over a corpse, but rather when you have it meld with someone else's face. Should take up the "head" slot at the very least as a mask item.
Description
A disturbing stench of decay hangs heavily on this tattered rag of yellowing linen and numerous bloody stains cover its surface.
Nice descriptive text. Good choice to lead with that. And you kept it short and simple. Smart.
When placed over the corpse of a medium-sized creature of the humanoid type the corpse’s features are imprinted onto the shroud, and the face of the corpse is temporarily erased. This impression remains for an hour at which point, it fades away and the corpse’s visage reappears.
Cool, creepy effect. Don't reference medium-sized creature, though. Pathfinder tossed that out. It's just Medium now and it should be capitalized.
If the shroud is carefully placed over a living medium-sized humanoid creature, before the impression fades, the shroud melds with that creature, changing its appearance to exactly match that, which the corpse had in life. At the same time the corpse is transformed to appear as a dead version of the shroud’s bearer.
You're an excessive overuser of the comma. And, as such, you'll wind up overworking your editors to fix them. Consult a style guide or some other avenue to improve your writing.
The shroud radiates a strong necromantic aura and a weaker transformation aura.
You called them both moderate in your Aura header above. And you've now called the "transmutation" aura a "transformation" aura. That's a pretty serious misstep if you want to be taken seriously as a Superstar designer. Plus, you shouldn't be wasting descriptive text restating what the aura of the item is anyway.
Most detection spells, including true seeing, will not foil the disguise.
This goes too far. It should take a lot more than a low-priced item like this to nerf a high-level spell like true seeing.
After each full hour the shroud’s bearer takes 1d4 point of Charisma damage, as the bearer's body rapidly starts to decompose.
Interesting. Is that temporary ability damage or permanent ability damage?
If the shroud is not removed, by speaking the command word, within one hour of the impression’s creation, the corpse it was taken from rises as a revenant with the shroud bearer’s face. The shroud bearer becomes the subject of the revenant’s Reason to Hate ability.
Well, while this certainly has a bit of a cool factor going for it, it's kind of a disappointing way to describe revenant creation. It should require a bit more than what this item does.
If the bearer dies, the shroud separates from the bearer and the impression disappears. If the shroud is otherwise removed the impression also disappears. In either case a risen revenant is immediately destroyed. The shroud of necromorphsis can be used 1/day – all manners of use are a full-round action.
So...do you get experience for slaying the revenant you created and then destroyed by removing the shroud? Because, powergamers are going to want to know...and they'll be hoping the answer is "yes." ;-)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, create undead; Cost 1,800 gp
You're okay here, though this item comes across as fairly underpriced/undercosted for what it's enabling someone to do. It's not just alter self or disguise self-in-a-can. It's nerfing true seeing and that's worth a lot more than 3,600 gp.
Summary:
Good name.
Somewhat flawed idea, but had some promise, too.
Suspect mechanics (nerfing true seeing, easy revenant creation/destruction)
Poor writing (way too many commas)
Okay presentation (good use of template, incorrect aura reference, pricing issues)
Coin Spider
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 10,000 gp; Weight -
Description
When the owner speaks the command word within 20-feet the coin animates, sprouting spider-like legs and mouth awaiting any of the eight commands from the owner.
- Alert: The coin remains where the owner places it, on "alert". While the owner remains within 100-feet of the coin he receives a crawling sensation on his neck whenever a creature moves within 10-feet of it.
- Listen: While within 60-feet of the coin, the owner hears any conversation being spoken in a 10-foot radius of it.
- Record/Speak: It records the next 25 words spoken within its listening range, which is replayed on command and remains in the coin until the owner attempts a new recording.
- Restraints: It uses its bite to destroy any non-magical inanimate restraints on the owner.
- Retract: It retracts its legs and head to appear as a simple coin, but remains animated.
- Return: While the owner is within 100-feet of the coin and it's animated he can give it a mental command to return. It takes the quickest path to return to the owner.
- Spin: It creates a thin 10-foot long non-magical trip wire once per day.
- Track: While within 10-miles of the coin the owner can sense what direction its in
To use a coin spider you must become bonded to it, which requires possession for one full week. A coin spider can be animated for up to 4 hours per day, but the duration need not be continuous. Unless stated otherwise it must be within 20-feet of the owner to receive a command. The coin spider has the statistics of a Scarlet Spider (see the Pathfinder RPG Bestiary) without poison, but with construct traits.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate object; Cost 5,000 gp
This has very cool flavor - I'm reminded very strongly of Agatha Hetrodyne's little clanks over at Girl Genius. I can see these being fun.
On the other hand, that kind of makes this a monster-in-a-can. I'm not sure an animated object counts as a magic item; it's something kind of different, I think. It also has a distinctly steampunk-ish, or outright modern, feel to it - what with orders and speech recording. That would seem out of place in most game, IMHO.
I also don't feel like animate object covers the effects you're describing here, which makes the item extremely undercosted. Animate object gives you a growly, attack-ish creature. This thing obeys sophisticated commands; it remains linked to its owner; it records and replays speech; it spins magic wire; it knows which way's north. That's a lot of stuff, even if each one individually is very minor (and not all of them are).
What's very clearly missing from the command list is a "move" command, and a "sleep" command to cease its animated effect (otherwise there's no way to stop it before the 4-hour limit for any of the extended command effects).
I think the concept is cool, and I'd love to see it implemented for the game. I just don't think this is the right format for it - a monster/construct writeup seems a lot more appropriate.
Hope this is helpful :)
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde
Interesting name choice. Most people won't immediately know what a misericorde is supposed to be. (For the purposes of this item, it's a long, narrow dagger used by knight's to better penetrate an opponent's armor). I don't really know who the Phoenix Knights are supposed to be. Kind of sounds like a homebrew campaign item, so that raises my shields a little. For those following along at home, it's often best to avoid this kind of naming convention unless you're going to specifically tie it into Golarion lore. And, as we've often cautioned, using Golarion lore is a double-edged sword. You get it right and you're cool. You get it wrong and you're sunk. So tread carefully and do your homework.
Aura strong conjuration and enchantment; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 22,425 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Aura and CL look to be appropriate for an item making heavy use of sympathy and trap the soul. Slot and weight are appropriate for a necklace. Price is a bit more suspect, but we can examine that more as we go.
Description
This dagger-shaped pendant is made of a transparent, volcanic. Its crimson core beats with a faint, golden light. “Pick me up. Send me home,” it whispers to friendly ears.
This kills it from the get-go. The first statement isn't even a complete sentence. And the inclusion of dialogue is lame.
Favored by knights opposing the foulest spawn of the lower planes, the pendant is activated and deactivated by a command word. When active, the magic of the item is triggered when the wearer is killed or is the subject of a successful attack that would trap or destroy their soul.
Passive voice. But I get the gist of what this item is probably going to focus on.
When triggered, the pendant pierces the wearer’s heart, and its hollow core fills with blood. The wearer’s soul is drawn into the core. The pendant then teleports away as the body is consumed in a column of fire, which fills the square it occupied for 15 rounds causing 3d6 points of fire damage per round to any creature inside (DC 19 reflex save for half).
So, this is basically the quintessential "If I'm going to die, so are you" item, only it carries the caveat of "I'll still be able to come back because my necklace will contain everything necessary to restore me to life." Meh. It's got a high power-gamer feel and appeal to it. Especially the cascading flame for 15 rounds. Not Superstar.
The pendant appears either in a preset location, or in a random location upon dry land within 150’ of a member of the owners race; the choice is made upon activation, and usually determined by whether the wearer’s home is about to be overrun.
Ugh. Lots of issues here. Should be "150 feet" and "owner's" instead of what you've written here. How does the item know how to locate "a member of the owner's race" and why only on "dry land"...? This seems very contrived, including the part about deciding which depending on "whether the wearer's home is about to be overrun." Meh.
The soul can draw creatures towards itself with a sympathy spell, once per day. It may whisper to anyone within 10’, and perceives its surroundings through the senses of anyone in physical contact.
Just messed up wording here. Language doesn't flow very well. Again, enough with the hash-marks to denote "feet"...that's not how you see it any published sourcebook or the main rules. This item's method of operation is also starting to border on plot device now.
The presence of the soul and part of the body combined within this item allows a raise dead spell to restore the wearer to life, as an exception to the normal requirements of that spell. Similarly, the wearer can be regenerated.
Yeah. Still comes across as the "I can never be permanently killed" item. And I don't mean that in a good way. This is on someone's wish-list as the item they want to have so they can trump the GM and save their favorite character from ever having to fear death.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, flaming sphere, sympathy, trap the soul, teleport; Cost 11,212 gp
Big pet-peeve for me this year. Learn how to use a spellchecker. "Wonderous[/i] is not a word. It's Craft Wondrous Item. Lastly, your spells in the construction requirements are listed correctly. Price/cost ratio is incorrect (it should split that last gold piece into 5 silver pieces), and also way too low for what this item enables. Even a periapt of wound closure is 15,000 gp and it's not keeping you safe from all harm or frying all your enemies as your own mini-phylactery teleports away. There's just a lot of really bad design decisions here.
Summary
Inappropriate name (not enough universal appeal for everyone to know what it is)
Bad idea (this level of auto-protection/salvation is munchkin to the highest degree)
Crazy mechanics (the divination aspects along are undefined)
Poor writing (lots of very basic mistakes that a spellchecker and grammar tool would highlight)
Flawed presentation (didn't even get the Craft Wondrous Item feat right)
Advice:
You're not ready. You need to seriously study the rule book and better incorporate a sense of game balance and reasonableness to your wondrous item designs. You also need to learn the right way to present information in both game terminology and from a professionally polished perspective.
Fetish of Souls
Aura faint conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 1.000 gp; Weight -
Description
What at first looks nothing more than a crude primitive doll made out of twigs and roots is in fact a witch’s most wicked tool. Upon whispering her name at the doll’s head, the witch forever bounds her soul to the fetish. From that moment on, the witch may use her hexes as if the fetish was her when considering range. Witches often hang fetishes of souls on tree limbs and use hag’s eye hex to watch their territory, bury them in town centers to use weather control or natural disaster against hostile communities, offer them as amulets for allies that may be healed or protected from a distance or hide them under their enemies’ beds so that they may curse their sleep or cause it to last forever. The fetish is very fragile and, if destroyed, it causes 1d4 Wisdom damage to the witch it is bounded to (DC 25 Will save halves damage). If a bounded fetish is destroyed, the witch it is bounded to knows exactly who destroyed the fetish and where he is. If the witch is killed, all fetishes of souls bounded to her are released and may be bounded by another witch. A witch may have a number of bounded fetishes of souls equal to her class level.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator must be capable of using hexes; Cost 500 gp
Songbird of Suppression
Aura Moderate Necromancy; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 5 lb.DESCRIPTION
This small brass cage contains a shriveled, mummified canary with a gilded beak. Once per day, as a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity, a living creature may remove the canary from the cage and breathe into its beak, causing the bird to animate and begin a constant chirping. While the bird is active, the user begins to suffocate, as per the suffocation rules in the Pathfinder Core Rulebook. All other creatures within 30 ft. of the canary are immune to the effects of harmful gasses or suffocation, but are unable breathe or utilize breath related abilities, including speech, scent, verbal spell components, and breath weapon attacks.The canary takes no actions unless the user spends a move action to mentally control the canary. The canary has the same statistics as a bat, but lacks the blindsense ability and is immune to effects that require Fortitude or Will saves. The bird remains active until returned to the cage, and immediately reappears inside the cage if it is slain or the user falls unconscious. Damage or effects that destroy the cage also permanently destroy the canary.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Suffocation; Cost 7,000 gp
This is an intriguing idea; I've never seen an effect like this before. It's certainly unusual. My first impression, though, is that this seems very awkward to use - a brass cage and a dead bird seem cumbersome to carry around; CPR for a dead canary is a very squicky activation trigger - and using it seems insanely dangerous for the user, for a very short-lived effect.
On the other hand, I do like the dangerous activation - it's very cool. The guy holds on as long as he can; his ability to withstand the suffocation effects determines the duration of the effect; finally, when he can't hang on any more, he drops unconscious and the effect ends. That's pretty darn dramatic! And the suffocation in return for breath-immunity makes a neat kind of sense.
I kind of wish I hadn't needed to look up the suffocation rules; without them, I don't think the dramatic impression is as immediately clear. The suspense and struggle that are basically your focus here are somewhat buried in the mechanics. You need to understand the item well to see that it's cool; this might be burying your lead somewhat.
My other quibble with your item is that controlling the canary as a flying creature seems odd - it doesn't seem to fit very well with the other effect; I don't really see why I'd want to control a mummified canary, particularly while I was choking.
Oh, and lastly, some template errors - you wrote "Description" in all caps; "Moderate Necromancy" aura should be all lower-case; "Suffocation" should be "suffocation".
I'd be very curious to see the basic effect with some item that's a bit less gonzo than a dead bird.
Hope this is helpful :)
** spoiler omitted **
This is an intriguing idea; I've never seen an effect like this before. It's certainly unusual. My first impression, though, is that this seems very awkward to use - a brass cage and a dead bird seem cumbersome to carry around; CPR for a dead canary is a very squicky activation trigger - and using it seems insanely dangerous for the user, for a very short-lived effect.
On the other hand, I do like the dangerous activation - it's very cool. The guy holds on as long as he can; his ability to withstand the suffocation effects determines the duration of the effect;...
I concur - great work, Jason!
I suspect that the Songbird of Suppression was denied the top 32 due to it resembling a plot device more than anything practical for an adventuring party, or perhaps due to a myriad of smallish game mechanics issues...but as a plot device, this spikes the "game flavor" meter for me!
I would have no problem incorporating this into an adventure as a trap mechanism or "test of endurance", but as a piece of adventuring gear, it's appeal is so narrow as to make it unpopular to general adventuring.
Amazing stuffHA! Please take a look at my item if you get the time!!!
Since you're an associate of that sneaky dark elf, Urizen...
Cloak of the Coward
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7
Slot shoulders; Price 22,800 gp; Weight: 1 lb.
Description
This rakish-looking half-cape is black with a bright yellow vertical stripe down the center and is held with a clasp that features what at first glance appears to be a feather from a noble bird of prey, but upon closer inspection is actually that of a chicken or ostrich. Upon donning the cape, the bearer feels a heightened sense of awareness that hinges on paranoia, giving them a +2 bonus on initiative checks. However, it is when someone attempts to affect the wearer’s mind that the cloak’s true abilities are revealed. Should the bearer ever be affected with a charm person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell or special ability is countered and the wearer is instead frightened towards the person who cast the spell. Should the bearer ever be targeted by a dominate person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell is not countered, however the wearer instead is panicked towards the item, object or person he is first compelled to interact with. The cape can only react against these particular enchantments three times a day. If a character is immune to fear, they cannot benefit from any of the functions of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fear Cost: 11,400 gold
Ask A RPGSuperstar Succubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus – fairness is an adjective applicable to hair coloration, balance is what a couple of mortals on opposite ends of a plank pivoted on a rocky spire above a drop of several hundred feet into a pool of molten basalt frantically try to do, and logic is something which proves anything a demon of adequate status and charm requires it to demonstrate.
No.
Does the item help a demonic seductress to keep a paladin house pet?
No.
Is the item otherwise useful?
Possibly but unlikely.
Other Comments? (including World Domination potential on the evil laughter scale, where appropriate)
A black half-cape with a yellow stripe down the back is not going to qualify as 'rakish' in most social circles, no matter who cut the actual cloth. Nor is a chicken feather going to pass muster as classy at most events. Ostrich might be considered to have a degree of style. Even assuming ostrich though, turning up at a grand ball wearing one of these could be considered nothing more than an open faced insult to the hosts of the event; now there are hosts who deserve to be insulted, but usually it's worth the effort to be a little bit more subtle (for example remarks about how Lady so-and-so had decorations exactly like those last week; how in fact you could have sworn that you saw floral arrangements like this at the Cholmondeley's a couple of days ago, only looking much fresher and less as if some second-rate florist had pulled them off a compost heap) than presenting a great big visual slap in the face.
The powers of the item do not exactly commend themselves to me either. If I or any other succubus (despite the eye-watering colour scheme) is endeavouring to influence someone wearing one of these ridiculous half-capes when recourse to more natural reason and charm have failed, the last thing that we want to see is that person turning around and running off at high-speed. Besides the effort just wasted, it may well alarm any of their companions and comrades who are present (although there are of course now one fewer of them to deal with, making it easier for any servants or bodyguards within call to subdue them should an unfortunate bout of fisticuffs then break out).
And whatever notional protection a cloak might offer a wearer against magical attacks, I am reasonably certain most succubi would rather be discovered in flagrante delicto with Asmodeus or any other three lords of the Hells than be seen wearing anything as nauseatingly tailored as this.
Gollum Rating:
Hissssss.
Hoping that you have found these thoughts Helpful. I would advise you to consider carefully if you have successfully grasped the nuances of high society and fashion before submitting anything like this in future.
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Glimwicket's Instant Stone
Aura: moderate transmutation; CL: 10th
Slot: --- Price: 900gp Weight: 10lbs.
Description
This large oilcloth pouch contains a gallon of lumpy, grayish goo which hardens into a stone-like substance (hardness 8, 30 hit points) 1 round after being removed from the pouch. Glimwicket's Instant Stone has a consistency similar to very soft dough, and any amount may be removed and molded into any crude shape (wedge, ball, block, disc, etc) before hardening.
The goo can also be applied to an object or creature, to which it adheres thoroughly before hardening. A handful of Instant Stone may be hurled at a creature as a ranged touch attack with a range increment of 10 feet. A Medium or smaller creature hit with Instant Stone is splattered with the substance, which hinders its movements upon hardening. Affected creatures suffer a -1 penalty to all attacks, and a -2 penalty to dexterity. The creature must also succeed at a concentration check (DC15) to cast any spell with a somatic component due to the weight and stiffness of the stone. One melee weapon may be coated in Instant Stone as a standard action or melee Sunder attempt (if the weapon is held by another creature). If so coated, the weapon deals bludgeoning damage instead of its normal physical damage types, and causes its wielder to take a -2 penalty to attack rolls with the weapon as a result of the considerable weight of the stone. Four uses in either of these fashions are contained within a pouch of Glimwicket's Instant Stone.
The goo retains its hardness for one minute or until dealt enough direct damage to reduce its hit points to zero, at which point it crumbles into a fine powder.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Stone Shape; Cost: 450gp
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Star Voter Season 6
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Sorry for the re-post I think I was over looked
Miniature Token of Second Chance
Aura abjuration;; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 2,500 gp; Weight -- lbs.
Description
This well crafted two-inch token is made in the image of the creature it was created for. It has the power to delay a visit from death. The character doesn’t need to have the token in hand but just in their possession to gain the benefits of the token.
When the carrier of this token is hit by an attack or fails a fails a saving throw, you can select the wounds and/or effects to be magically transmitted to the token instead of the carrier.
The token is destroyed in the process.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; Paladin’s Sacrifice, Cost 1,250g.
Sorry for the re-post I think I was over looked
Neil, bless his black heart, has been working through the thread from the beginning. It's just that he's up to about post #30 and there are 626.
I'm not sure where the other judges left off but I think they're mostly doing the same thing.
Amazing stuffHA! Please take a look at my item if you get the time!!!Since you're an associate of that sneaky dark elf, Urizen...
Cloak of the Coward
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7
Slot shoulders; Price 22,800 gp; Weight: 1 lb.
Description
This rakish-looking half-cape is black with a bright yellow vertical stripe down the center and is held with a clasp that features what at first glance appears to be a feather from a noble bird of prey, but upon closer inspection is actually that of a chicken or ostrich. Upon donning the cape, the bearer feels a heightened sense of awareness that hinges on paranoia, giving them a +2 bonus on initiative checks. However, it is when someone attempts to affect the wearer’s mind that the cloak’s true abilities are revealed. Should the bearer ever be affected with a charm person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell or special ability is countered and the wearer is instead frightened towards the person who cast the spell. Should the bearer ever be targeted by a dominate person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell is not countered, however the wearer instead is panicked towards the item, object or person he is first compelled to interact with. The cape can only react against these particular enchantments three times a day. If a character is immune to fear, they cannot benefit from any of the functions of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fear Cost: 11,400 goldAsk A RPGSuperstar Succubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus – fairness is an adjective applicable to hair coloration, balance is what a couple of mortals on opposite ends of a plank pivoted on a rocky spire above a drop of several hundred feet into a pool of molten basalt frantically try to do, and...
This is AWESOME!!!!! Thank yo uso much!!!
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Phoenix Knights' MisericordeInteresting name choice. Most people won't immediately know what a misericorde is supposed to be. (For the purposes of this item, it's a long, narrow dagger used by knight's to better penetrate an opponent's armor).
... detailed review ...
Firstly, many thanks for your time. Secondly, sorry for the typos — utterly inexcusable.
Since a Misericorde was used to give a merciful death (cutting the throat or artery in the armpit through gaps in the armor once they were downed), what I was originally aiming for was something that gave the knight a clean death and prevented the loss or corruption of his soul, or the use of his body by the enemy. The phoenix tie-in came from the burst of flame used to achieve this and then lead into it aiding the resurrection of the dead knight. So I created an order of knights famed for their use of the item and lost focus on what I was supposed to be doing.
A wide miss of the mark on my part. See you next year.
does anybody happen to have a checklist of the items in this thread and which ones have been reviewed?
The item on deck before Azmahel began helping out with the thread is on page 3, JadedDemigod's Genteel Rogues Handkerchief. Not to speak for Azmahel but I can see why he started fresh with his views on the items from the start. Giving quick concise account of each item, doing a page at a time is amazing and a good way not to miss anyone. There is the Peer Thread where other members are helping with each others items.
Neil has been steadily going with the massive reviews (considering we all have things to do) but that kind of feedback doesnt happen instantly. I have learned alot so far from seeing each judges comments (copy/pasted or novel) and cannot wait for my item to be dissected.
The spotlight is shining on the top 32 (as it should be) and as exciting as it is watching from the outside waiting for review, imagine what its like on the inside.
Cheers
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After each full hour the shroud’s bearer takes 1d4 point of Charisma damage, as the bearer's body rapidly starts to decompose.Interesting. Is that temporary ability damage or permanent ability damage?
Permanent ability damage is listed as ability drain, if it is listed as ability damage it is temporary:
Diseases, poisons, spells, and other abilities can all deal damage directly to your ability scores. This damage does not actually reduce an ability, but it does apply a penalty to the skills and statistics that are based on that ability.
For every 2 points of damage you take to a single ability, apply a –1 penalty to skills and statistics listed with the relevant ability. If the amount of ability damage you have taken equals or exceeds your ability score, you immediately fall unconscious until the damage is less than your ability score. The only exception to this is your Constitution score. If the damage to your Constitution is equal to or greater than your Constitution score, you die. Unless otherwise noted, damage to your ability scores is healed at the rate of 1 per day to each ability score that has been damaged. Ability damage can be healed through the use of spells, such as lesser restoration.
Some spells and abilities cause you to take an ability penalty for a limited amount of time. While in effect, these penalties function just like ability damage, but they cannot cause you to fall unconscious or die. In essence, penalties cannot decrease your ability score to less than 1.
Ability Drain: Ability drain actually reduces the relevant ability score. Modify all skills and statistics related to that ability. This might cause you to lose skill points, hit points, and other bonuses. Ability drain can be healed through the use of spells such as restoration.
Gem of Enduring Legacy
Interesting name. Made me wonder what kind of enduring legacy a gem would enable. And gems are usually quite durable and passed down as the family jewels over several generations, so kind of thematically appropriate. Ready to read on...
Aura Strong Divination; CL 15th
Slot -; Price 86,000 gp; Weight -
Your Aura information needs to be lowercase. The actual school of magic and CL are appropriate from moment of prescience and divination. Slot and weight seem appropriate for a gemstone, though I'm not thrilled by the notion that it can be contained within a crown, scepter, etc. That's potentially cheesing out of having it take up a slot, even when a crown obviously would use the head slot. Price is up there, but perhaps understandably so, depending on what it does...
Description
Souls of ancient rulers form a chorus of kings indentured to provide guidance and insight to heirs who bear this extravagant jewel while enforcing a natural order of succession.
This is kind of a weak lead-off. You actually spend more time talking about the ancient rules than the physical description of the item itself. Tell us what it is first. Then get into explaining what makes it special and/or magical. And then give us the mechanics of it and what it can do in the game.
The gem is commonly affixed to a crown, scepter, or other symbol of office but must be carried or worn to function. The gem attunes itself to the bearer over a period of 24 hours after which its powers may be used.
If it's worn to function, it needs a slot. Also, I notice you're putting doublespaces after a period. You don't need to do that. That innovation went out as soon as word processors replaced typewriters. And it's not used in freelance writing today. So, disabuse yourself of that habit.
Once per day as an immediate action, the bearer may gain a +15 insight bonus to AC against a single attack or saving throw. Alternatively, this insight bonus may be applied to a single Charisma based or Knowledge skill check per day, and the user is treated as trained for that check. Regardless of the use, the insight bonus must be applied before knowing the outcome.
A +15 bonus is overkill. You save this for the fight against the BBEG at the end of every adventuring day and you pretty much nerf his best attack, spell, or whatever. It actually encourages saving it up for that exact purpose...or even extra resting in order to repower the gem and gain that ability again before proceeding into the next fight. And does anyone really need a +15 bonus on such things? It comes across like the equivalent of a true strike for defense and skill-related purposes. Just not a good choice for a Superstar mechanic.
The bearer may call upon the chorus of kings once daily as a standard action to give counsel on future events. Only the user perceives this guidance and the exact nature of these manifestations are determined by the GM. Due to the cryptic nature of this guidance, the omens prove accurate 85% of the time.
So, it's divination-in-a-can without actually calling it divination once/day, right?
Sometimes, when the kingdom is in dire need, the omens manifest spontaneously as thoughts, dreams, or other visions at the GM’s discretion, and this spontaneous use counts as the daily use of the ability.
Now it's a plot device item for the GM to push the PCs along however he wishes.
The soul of an attuned bearer joins the chorus of kings immediately upon death. Attempts to raise the bearer of the gem via Conjuration (healing) magic must make a caster level check (DC 25) or the spell fails.
Now that is an awesome bit of flavor.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Divination, Moment of Prescience; Cost 43,000gp
Your spell requirements need to be lowercase. Price/cost ratio is correct. Overall cost of this item is undercosted for a +15 bonus to AC or a saving throw as an immediate action. This is the "oh no you don't!" item in an ever escalating war with the GM.
Now all that said, I can tell you your item hung around in the Keep folder for awhile on flavor and a cool idea. Mechanically, you shot yourself in the foot. And the flavor wasn't sufficient to override some of the auto-reject elements (i.e., SIAC, plot device) that kept rising to the surface as we examined it.
Summary:
Good name.
Cool idea.
Poor mechanical execution.
Okay writing (but needed a better lead-off and avoidance of repeating divination's description)
Flawed presentation (didn't correctly follow the template)
Boots of Roots
I really like the idea of this item. It feels incredibly unique to me. However, some of the judges comments are spot on. Remove the running limitation, make the roots supply better footing in other precarious situations and add the great idea of turning tree-like if you stand still for a certain period of time (the imagery here is too good to pass up). And of course, raise the price.
Possible name: Footwear of Rooted Stability
Smoldering Sack
The smoldering bag of coals description has an intriguing start, and adding the possibility of damage by reaching in is excellent detail. Unfortunately the main point of this item - reproducing a somewhat boring 2nd level spell - is a little boring too, and probably what held it out of the top 32.
What happens if you just take out one coal, anything? Maybe they could be used as projectiles?
And, unfortunately the name would never get past the less mature players at my table. E.g. "Hey Bard, you still got that inflamed sack?"
As a side note, I like your writing style. It's easy to read and in logical order. The only part I would change is:
"However it is produced, the explosion destroys the sack."
Maybe to:
"However the explosion is achieved, it always destroys the sack."
Whispering Watcher
The judges feedback is dead on with this one (switch to blur, have the statue be a dog, etc.), so I won't beat a dead horse. I will repeat the complements though, affecting invisible and revealing illusions would go over very well in my campaign.
And while the name may not quite fit, I love anything that has "whispering" in it (I don't know why, I just do).
Please consider adding some of the judges' suggestions and reposting. I would love to use this.
Pendant of the Stalwart Warrior
Aura strong abjuration and conjuration; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This plain steel pendant hangs on a sturdy chain. While worn, it fills the wearer with confidence in battle, granting a +2 morale bonus on CMD. Once per day, the pendant can be activated as a swift action to grant a greater boon for one hour, or until expend, see below. While the greater boon is active, the CMD bonus granted by the pendant increases to +4. However, the true benefit is a defense against succumbing to damage in battle. While the greater boon is in effect, if the bearer of the pendant falls below 15 hit points, the pendant expends its energy to heal the wearer. This energy heals the wearer as per the heal spell. The pendant also expends this power if the wearer’s hit points fall below 150 points less than what they had when the greater boon was activated. This healing is instantaneous; however, it cannot prevent death from hit point loss or otherwise. Should the wearer’s hit points fall below their Constitution score in a single blow, they still die. After the pendant uses its power to heal the wearer, the greater boon ceases to function no matter the duration otherwise remaining. The pendant must be worn for 24 hours before the greater boon can be used. If it is removed, the owner must wear the pendant for another 24 hours to reattune it to himself.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bull’s strength, status, heal; Cost 25,000 gp
I understand my item isn't the most interesting thing ever, but I wanted to be sure that I didn't make any glaring mechanical errors. Hoping for some input to improve my chances in the future.
Summary:Buried my lead / Used a little-utilized rule.
Controlling the canary seemed out of place.
Template Errors.
Dead Bird was gonzo.
Buried lead: That may have been where I ran afoul the last two years. Previously, I had items that dealt with the age categories, and that was at a time when nothing in the game dealt with age categories (This was pre-Advanced Player's Guide). I'll probably stick to a more main-stream rule next year.
Controlling: I'll take that as I was trying to do too much. It was actually my attempt to make the item more useful to the party/controller. I should have followed the K.I.S.S. advice I heard years ago.
Template Errors: OOPS. I'll admit I was a bit rushed when I wrote this. The deadline snuck up on me, and I hadn't started writing yet.
Gonzo: This was a reference to the "canary in the coal mine", combined with a magic item that used a necromancy spell.
Summary:
Resembled a Plot Device / too many small game mechanics.
Unpopular to general adventuring.
Plot Device: Bummer! As stated above, next year, I'll Keep It Simple...
Unpopular: I was going for a "Necklace of Adaption" that the entire party could benefit from, with some added benefits (but also with a time limit/drawback). Bummer again, that it didn't come off that way.
THANK YOU BOTH FOR YOUR INPUT! Every year I keep asking for feedback too late in the thread to get a judge's response, so I really appreciate the time you took to read my item and respond. I may re-work this for next year, but based on your responses, I'll probably try something completely different.
THANK YOU BOTH FOR YOUR INPUT! Every year I keep asking for feedback too late in the thread to get a judge's response, so I really appreciate the time you took to read my item and respond. I may re-work this for next year, but based on your responses, I'll probably try something completely different.
While we wait for our submissions to be critiqued...
My suggestion for this item for next year:
- Lose the cage; it's not relevant enough to the function of the canary, it also makes the canary more convenient to transport, ergo, to use.
- Make the mechanics more concise and clean; without the cage element, the only way to end the effect is to attack/destroy the canary, the user passes out...or is killed - simple! Let the expended/destroyed canary drop wherever, to be picked up and reused (ew).
Personally, I applaud your using a little-used rule for suffocation; narrow, yes, but also original.
Again, Bravo.
does anybody happen to have a checklist of the items in this thread and which ones have been reviewed?
For your use. Following is a list of all items posted to date, and which Judge has responded. Please remember that Mark and Sean are posting for ALL judges comments from the judging booth.
The Lantern of The Illumined Walk | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Spell Syphon | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Egg of the Flame Toxoztesoma | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Ship in a bottle | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Searing Vestment of the Dawnflower | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Shroud of the Immolator | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Bracers of transfiguration | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Glass Heart | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer | Clark Peterson |
Penumbral Ligatures | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Reciprocity Coin | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Defending Wisp of the Dying Ember | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Hunting Cloak of the Great Cats | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Moonlight Strands | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Chrononaut’s Horologe | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Cloak of Adhesion | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Gloves of Dragonfly Eyes | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Abolitionist's Dust | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Conclave Seeds | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Ornod’s Ashen Doll | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Talisman of Time | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Forceful Bracers | Mark Moreland | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Philosopher's Spell Guilders | Mark Moreland | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Haunt-Clad Shroud | Mark Moreland | Sean K. Reynolds | Neil Spicer |
Prise de fer Plastron | Mark Moreland | Neil Spicer |
Laurel of Magnificence | Mark Moreland | Neil Spicer |
Shroud of Necromorphosis | Mark Moreland | Neil Spicer |
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde | Mark Moreland | Neil Spicer |
Gem of Enduring Legacy | Mark Moreland | Neil Spicer |
Whispering Watcher | Mark Moreland |
Amulet of Reverse Incantation | Sean K. Reynolds |
Smoldering Sack
Gauntlets of Desperate Defense | Sean K. Reynolds |
Rucksack of Instant Armament | Sean K. Reynolds |
Eyes of the Time Thief | Sean K. Reynolds |
Paak’s Configuration Clasp | Sean K. Reynolds |
Sky Barnacle | Sean K. Reynolds |
Featherweight Slippers | Sean K. Reynolds |
Amulet of the Mana Wastes | Sean K. Reynolds |
Weaver's Kerchief | Sean K. Reynolds |
Guardian Amulet | Sean K. Reynolds |
The Not Lost Box | Sean K. Reynolds |
Clay of Flesh Crafting | Sean K. Reynolds |
Gauntlets of the Chittering Delve | Sean K. Reynolds |
Spaulder of Forlorn Hope | Sean K. Reynolds |
Contract Collar | Sean K. Reynolds |
Cloak of the Pride | Sean K. Reynolds |
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper | Sean K. Reynolds |
Tiniek’s Talkative Tankard | Sean K. Reynolds |
Adventurers Rally Stones | Sean K. Reynolds |
Pharaoh's Periapt of Pestilence | Sean K. Reynolds |
Vow of Silence | Sean K. Reynolds |
Widow’s Lock | Sean K. Reynolds |
Seekers Eye | Sean K. Reynolds |
Astonishing cuff links | Sean K. Reynolds |
The Journal of Pernicious Replication | Sean K. Reynolds |
Circlet of Serpentine Tendrils
Bracers of the Kraken | Sean K. Reynolds |
Tharqumoritron | Sean K. Reynolds |
Boots of the Blighted Path | Sean K. Reynolds |
Paper Robes | Sean K. Reynolds |
Mwangi Measuring Stick | Sean K. Reynolds |
CRYSTAL FLY | Sean K. Reynolds |
Heart’s Joy | Sean K. Reynolds | Clark Peterson |
Polyergon Polyhedron | Mark Moreland |
Bonsai of Sanguine Feasting | Mark Moreland |
Bone Melter | Mark Moreland |
Mudlark's Prize | Mark Moreland |
Scabbard of Reforging | Mark Moreland |
Adamantine Flask | Mark Moreland |
Pentacle Purse of Quandary | Mark Moreland |
Sarong of Cinders | Mark Moreland |
Voice Box of Birdsong | Mark Moreland |
Hand of Vengeance | Mark Moreland |
Diadem of the Spider | Mark Moreland |
Animist’s Core | Mark Moreland |
Sash of the Seducer’s Sting | Mark Moreland |
Absalom Amulet of Distinction | Mark Moreland |
Cloak of the Coward | Mark Moreland |
Genteel Rogues Handkerchief
LACE FAN OF THE VIGILANT COURTIER
Staff Head of the Dragon Lords
Ruby Monocle of Mind Bending
Archers' Elemental Glove
Spectacles of the Second Sight
Athame of the Master
Naturesmith Gloves
Goggles of Twisting Sight
Leatherback Cloak
Threads of Discourse
Nightmare Flask
Mask of Dou-Bral
Belt of Sudden Elasticity
Mask of the Demon Hound
Paranoid Charm
Hammer of the Master Craftsman
Sneak Thief's Bluff
Smokesting Fire-Geyser
Collar of Tricks
Marbles of Useful Distraction
Saddle of Erastil's Blessing
Stygian Seal of Blasphemy
Gauntlets of Deep Earth
Stump Dust
Ersatz Elixir
Torc of Totemic Form
SERPENT TONGUE
Ironwood Vest
Compass of the Inner Circle
Locket of the Last Breath
Jotunblood Mantle
Glove of Snappy Comebacks | Vic Wertz |
Welkin’s Fury
Pixie Bead
Cauldron of Remembrance
Nexus of Blessed Mists
Miniature Token of Second Chance
Boots of time sprinting
The Pirate Queen's Call
Dream Siphon of Dark Desires
Phylactery of the Gray Master
Mackilarney’s Mobile Masonry
Binding Bottle
Vambraces of the Second Lesson
Desert Widows Embrace
Scales of the Scorpion
Figment of Gnomish Retribution
Vial of Vanishing Smoke
Mask of the Mystic Hunter
Shadow Master’s Flute
The Widow's Curse
Sun of Valor
The Blooded Stone of Brotherhood
Crystalline Orb of the Sun and Moon
Asmodean Signet
Stygian Fiddle
Saurian Choker
Spirit Catchers
Intellect Syringe
Pilgrim’s Fetish
Boggard Bag
Pipe of Bubbles
Hood of the Geomancer
Blessed Antoillier
Mask of Two Faces
Implement
Shimmerball
Snake Charmer’s Blessing
Undistinguished Choker
Season's Raiment
Emberwisp Vial
Gravity Nail of Nethys
Circlet of Adoration
CEREBUS COLLAR
Dimensional Battery
Pearl Of Ponding
Pommelstone of Power
The Book of Beast and Brute
Glove of the Crustacean
Eyes of the Past
Hungry Ghost Mask
Grafting Clamp
Boots of the Masterful Step
Allure's Aroma
Urn of the Giant Horde
Diadem of the Waking Dream
Spectacles of Arcane Insight
Golem Fetter
Gauntlets of Icy Grasp
Triage Helm
Breath of the Hoarskin Hag
RAIN MAKER
Chalk of Augmented Summoning
THE MORTEVOYANT EYE
Floruit’s Lullaby
Goblin King Mask
Cape of the Night Stalker
Earth Bread
Cincture of Horrific Emaciating
Tome of Deadly Pranks | Clark Peterson |
Oyster of Ricochets
Lantern of Mesmerizing Shadows | Neil Spicer |
Clay of the Master
Insightful Eye
Sash of the Careless Spelunker
Ablative Token
Whisper of Nethys
Vambraces of Spectral Chains
Spellshears
Whisper Scarf
Starshard
Lens of the Avaricious Merchant
Horn of the Styx
Serpentine Mantle
Tome of Passages
Obi of the Hagfish
Arcane Effigy
Hangman’s Friend
Runic Portal Stone | Neil Spicer |
Pipe of Smoke and Flame
Spine of the Forest
Phial of Purloined Persona
Boots of the Sneak Thief
Hell Brand Tattoo
GLOVE OF PEERING AND GRASPING
Disk of Launching
Cipher Ward Cloak
Canary Cage Delver
Scabbard of Echoes
Arcanocrystal
Gloves of Passage
THIRD EYE
The Ever Seeking Compass
Lantern of Shadows
Candle of Detection
QUILL OF THE HEDGEHOG
Bully Torc
Serpentine Mantle
Zalindi’s Minute Wardrobe
Gallowsrope of Sacrificial Wisdom
Band of the Slithering Swarm
Weaponcharm Bracelet
Link Prisms
Shaman's Rain Stick
Coin Spider
Songbird of Suppression
Throbbing Orb
Astral Tear of the Lonely Wyrm
Harness of the Hero's Helper
Death’s Burnt Offering
Arcane Antechamber
Kyreth’s Amulet of Musical Accompaniment
Spider Key
Huntsman Whetstone of Blood
Boots of the Unexpected
Shroud of Undeath
wonderful vial of magical blood
Conch of the Twisted Tide
Scabbard of the False Peace | Neil Spicer |
Crown of Deceit
Protective Perambulator of the Paranoid
Pipe of Pleasant Palaver
Stone of Banishment
The Low Templar’s Squire
Boots of Roots
Fetish of Souls
Glimwicket's Instant Stone
Circlet of Mind Speech
Pendant of the Stalwart Warrior
That's
248 items posted
83 responses from judges
33.5% Complete
Hope this helps :)
Ken
For your use. Following is a list of all items posted to date, and which Judge has responded. Please remember that Mark and Sean are posting for ALL judges comments from the judging booth.
Woo hoo! Only 121 more for them to review before they get to mine 8-)
does anybody happen to have a checklist of the items in this thread and which ones have been reviewed?For your use. Following is a list of all items posted to date, and which Judge has responded. Please remember that Mark and Sean are posting for ALL judges comments from the judging booth.
Wow.
Kudos, sir.
Hey, you should put in links to the original posts! :epic duck:
:P
Summary:Buried my lead / Used a little-utilized rule.
Controlling the canary seemed out of place.
Template Errors.
Dead Bird was gonzo.
Buried lead: That may have been where I ran afoul the last two years. Previously, I had items that dealt with the age categories, and that was at a time when nothing in the game dealt with age categories (This was pre-Advanced Player's Guide). I'll probably stick to a more main-stream rule next year.
Gonzo: This was a reference to the "canary in the coal mine", combined with a magic item that used a necromancy spell.
Obscure rules are awesome. Don't get me wrong. I think that once I understood what the effect was, this item jumped from "WTF?" to "R0xx0rs!!!11!". That's why the lead is buried, not absent :)
So if you're good with obscure rules, that sounds like a great niche to work in - but hit the reader with the whole concept as early as possible. Mention that the duration of the effect is limited by the Constitution saves of the suffocated user - that one line gets across something very cool about the item that isn't immediately evident; once that's clear (and clearly awesome), they can refer to the rules for the details. That changes it from "I die while my friends are safe from breath effects" into "My friends are safe from breath effects as long as I hang on with my Constitution saves!".The coal mine reference was clear, no worries - but you're still asking PCs or NPCs to carry around a brass cage and give CPR to a mummified canary. You can get across the symbolism without resorting to something so unwieldy and icky; nor do I think the unwieldy-ness and icky-ness are at the core of your concept (unless they are?).
Hey, you should put in links to the original posts! :epic duck:
:P
LOL
Yeah....I think that would take me all night :P
i didn't realize i was so far down. i have an idea why mine was rejected, but hopefully they manage to get to it.
I am in the same boat. I am 59 down from the last reviewed guy. Darn graveyard shift made me late.
Hey, you should put in links to the original posts! :epic duck:
:PLOL
Yeah....I think that would take me all night :P
But think of the contribution to SCIENCE!
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For your use. Following is a list of all items posted to date, and which Judge has responded. Please remember that Mark and Sean are posting for ALL judges comments from the judging booth.
Awesome, I am apparently only a couple away :-p
Very helpful to post this too! Thanks.
I will actually try to think of something less powerful but flavorful... as I think that is about what I am going to get back. >_>
Thanks Azmahel, I appreciate your feedback. Would love to get your (or anyone else's!) more detailed thoughts on a couple things though--but only if you have the time, I realise you're giving up plenty of it already!
Item reposted under spoiler tags for completeness.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot wrists; Price 13,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These metal bracers typically feature an image of a kraken. They are also strangely slippery to the touch.
As a free action, the wearer may use the bracers’ power to extend her arms beyond their normal reach, for a total of up to 10 rounds per day. The 10 rounds need not be consecutive. Activating the bracers has the following effects.
The wearer’s reach extends by 10 feet. The wearer may use this extended reach to touch, pick up or manipulate items that would normally be out of reach, as well as attack foes at a distance with a weapon or touch spell. The wearer takes a -4 penalty on any ranged attack rolls made with her arms extended due to the difficulty of lining up a target when her hands are so far from her body. This extension to reach stacks with any changes to reach due to increased size (e.g. from enlarge person).
The wearer gains an enhancement bonus to her CMB to grapple or trip an opponent of +4. The wearer still needs two free hands to avoid the -4 penalty on the grapple combat maneuver roll. The force with which the wearer’s arms extend is not sufficient to allow her to make a bull rush maneuver.
If the wearer’s arms are extended for more than a single round, her arms are considered to occupy the intervening squares between her and her target and may be attacked in melee and at range as normal.
In addition, the wearer's clothes or armor become slippery as if affected by the grease spell.
Both bracers must be worn for the magic to be effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fluid form; Cost 6,600 gp
Does the penalty only apply to ranged attacks made with elongated arms ( archery or thrown weapons), or also to melee attacks made in this manner.
I thought I made that clear enough with the wording that "The wearer takes a -4 penalty on any ranged attack rolls made with her arms extended...". Was that not clear enough? Should I have worded it differently?
The added slippery feels like a weird late addition. And is SiaC to boot.
I worried about that endlessly after I submitted the item. The original spell (fluid form) has a series off effects on the caster (some of them rule-based, some of them just flavouring), but the one that I picked out for this purpose is in the first line of the spell description:
When you cast this spell, your body takes on a slick, oily appearance.
My main concern after submission was that nobody would realise that being oily and slick is part of the effect of the original spell, and would therefore think grease had been missed in the list of requirements. I used the spell in my item description as a shorthand rather than listing out the details. It seems the judges didn't take exception to it (my item probably didn't last long enough for them to get to that detailed an analysis), but I worried nonetheless. Do you have any advice for me on that front? I didn't think that repeating the entirety of the details of the grease spell as it applies to clothing and armour was a good idea, neither did I think returning to the text of fluid form would work.
Do you think broadening the description of the bracers' effect would have helped? Something like "In use, the bracers of the kraken affect the wearer's physical form, allowing her to elongate her arms as well as making her slippery and oily."? Then at least perhaps the addition of grease wouldn't have come as such a surprise.
###
The rest of your thoughts are clear as crystal; thank you for taking the time to have a look at my item. I tell you what, pricing an item that does non-consecutive rounds an only uses half of the effects of a level 6 spell was also a pain in the backside. At least nobody has pounced on that too much yet--they just stop at "it's overpowered". ; )