Paizo Top Nav Branding
  • Hello, Guest! |
  • Sign In |
  • My Account |
  • Shopping Cart |
  • Help/FAQ
About Paizo Messageboards News Paizo Blog Help/FAQ
Pathfinder Roleplaying Game
Pathfinder Society

Pathfinder Beginner Box

Pathfinder Adventure Card Game

Pathfinder Comics

Pathfinder Legends

Judges, Please Critique My Item


RPG Superstar™ 2011 General Discussion

151 to 200 of 1,212 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>

I've got a few ideas of my own as to my mistakes... but I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on it.

Saddle of Erastil's Blessing
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
This elaborately-painted military saddle, constructed from darkwood and woven cedar bark, allows an otherwise mundane mount to gain a closer bond with its rider, enabling the two to work together in ways they otherwise could not.

Any animal equipped with the Saddle is easier to train. Training a mount using a Saddle of Erastil's Blassing halves the time required to teach new tricks and allows the mount to learn two more tricks than normal for its Intelligence score, though the extra tricks can only be used while wearing a Saddle. These benefits do not function for a mount which is an Animal Companion, Familiar, Special Mount, or similar.

In addition, the saddle grants the mount and rider an instinctive understanding of each others' movements, allowing both mount and rider to make Aid Another checks targetting each other as swift actions. This can only be applied to physical ability or skill checks and can only be done while the mount is actually being ridden.

Druids usually craft these saddles for their allies and companions who lack their bond with nature. While the vast majority of such saddles come from Erastil's sects, druids worshipping other gods occasionally create similar saddles, which are named for the creating druid's patron, but are otherwise identical.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Wild Empathy, Awaken; Cost 7,500 gp

Silver Crusade

Hello, all. My item was the "Cloak of the Choker". Unfortunatley I forgot to copy it to my computer (I wrote it straight to post from my notes). Could one of the Vaunted Paizoites please dig it out and post it with feedback, please?
Much thanks!

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Thomas Austin wrote:
Shroud of the Immolator

Kind of an uninspired name. It just doesn't come off all that strong to me. Maybe if you'd called it an immolation shroud, it might have worked better? But regardless, I think there was a better name out there for it. You just have to find it.

Thomas Austin wrote:

Aura Moderate evocation; CL 7th

Slot shoulders; Price 1,400 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Aura and CL make sense for fire shield. You need to lowercase "Moderate" though. Weight and slot are appropriate for a cloak. And it's underpriced as-written, but it makes a bit more sense if it's meant to be a consummable item.

Thomas Austin wrote:

Description

The shroud of the immolator most often appears as a full-length black cloak of heavy, rich fabric, hooded and clasped at the neck with bronze hooks and a large central stone - most often a deep red garnet or tourmaline.

This is good initial description. Starting off with a visual, tactile description of what an item is makes for smart design. You want people to form an image in their mind as quickly as possible.

Thomas Austin wrote:
The wearer can, as a swift action, crush the clasp stone. Doing so causes the shroud to burst into a conflagration that burns its surroundings but spares the wearer. The flames of the shroud vary with its creator - some are white-hot and incandescent, others are smoky and reek of brimstone. (Crushing the gem need not be done with the hand; a bound wearer could use her chin or a nearby solid object to accomplish this).

Now you come with the mechanics. Another smart design decision. This is where you want to tell people what an item does. But, you're varying a bit by delving back into descriptive text again. Also, the crushing of the stone feels a little weird. Who can crush a stone? If the gem is that fragile, it seems like it would be a potential hazard.

Thomas Austin wrote:


The shroud burns for seven rounds; while it burns:
- The wearer gains a +4 circumstance bonus on Intimidate checks*.
- Attackers making melee, unarmed or natural weapon attacks take 1d6+7 fire damage.
- Creatures or materials in full contact with the wearer take 3d6 damage per round that contact is maintained. This could include grappling attackers, ropes binding the wearer, or a beast that has swallowed her.

All of this is kind of a let down at this point. You've gone off into mechanics that pretty much duplicate a skill bonus and a spell-in-a-can. Nothing all that innovative here. Hence, we pretty much questioned it as a fire shield-in-a-can. You've got to bring something more potent than that. Some items can make it through by bucking these auto-reject categories with awesome flavor, but there just wasn't enough here to elevate it beyond that.

Thomas Austin wrote:
*At the DM's option, creatures with the (Fire) subtype would be immune to the Intimidate effect, but the wearer would instead enjoy a +4 bonus to Diplomacy checks.

And this didn't help. How many wondrous item descriptions do you see in the Pathfinder Core Rulebook that has to put an asterisk in the descriptive text to refer you to a footnote down at the bottom about other possibilities? Practically none? So, this comes off more like you haven't settled on a tight design for you item. You would have been better served to directly say in your original descriptive text that the flames gave a bonus on Intimidate checks against most creatures and a bonus on Diplomacy checks with creatures of the fire subtype...and leave it at that.

Thomas Austin wrote:

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fire shield; Cost 700 gp

Simple, single spell requirement. You need to italicize the spell name, though. Price/cost ratio is correct. Nothing surprising or innovative here. But still solid.

Summary:
Missed opportunity on the name
Good initial idea (was hoping for something cool)
Mechanically boring (just a skill bonus and spell-in-a-can)
Adequate flavor/writing ability (but nothing amazing)
Flawed presentation (use of footnote, bulletpoint list, some formatting issues)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32

Awesome of the judges to look at these. A thousand thank you's.

My submission:

Stygian Seal of Blasphemy
Aura moderate evocation and necromancy [evil]; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 6,250 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
When this candle is lit, the wick writhes like a serpent in the hissing emerald fire, shining with the properties of continual flame for 4 hours. The unholy flame is a burning shrine to Asmodeus, creating a 40’ radius zone of corruption. Within this zone, devils gain a +2 profane bonus on attack rolls, damage rolls, and saving throws. Devils summoned into the zone gain +2 hit points per HD. If the light is covered, dispelled, or consecrated, the zone of corruption is suppressed.

The flame shines with blasphemous light. Profane wax inscribed with the seal of Asmodeus instantly forms around all holy symbols brought into the zone of corruption, even if the symbols are concealed. This wax seal suppresses all divine spells and abilities that require a holy symbol, unless the symbol’s owner worships Asmodeus. The blasphemous seal persists if the symbol is taken out of the zone of corruption, or the zone is suppressed.

As a standard action, a character may grasp the corrupted symbol with a bare hand and remove the blasphemous seal. Grasping the seal draws the corruption into the flesh, and diabolical venom courses through the target’s body with the effects of the poison spell (Fortitude DC 17 negates). If the holy symbol is within the zone of corruption, the seal instantly reforms.

When the flame dies, the candle loses all magical properties, the corrupt zone vanishes, and the blasphemous seals melt away from all holy symbols as harmless black oil.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, continual flame, desecrate, symbol of pain, creator must worship Asmodeus; Cost 3,125 gp

Shadow Lodge

Now that's what I'm talking about, Neil. Thank you for the brutal honesty with my first time entry. I will aspire to do better next year!

Paizo Employee Developer

Wichtsson wrote:
Forceful Bracers

* TK-in-a-Can.

* Why only living creatures?

* Why as a move action? That means you could hit them with a sword AND hurl them against a wall for 2d6 damage.

* What is "blunt damage"?

Paizo Employee Developer

Maugan22 wrote:


Philosopher's Spell Guilders

* This item makes my head hurt. And metamagic rods already have this ground covered, don't they? I'm also not a fan of the presentation of multiple items like this using a bastardized version of the provided template.

* Autoreject #6: Item is a variant of an existing item--in this case, a metamagic rod in another shape.

Paizo Employee Developer

LoreKeeper wrote:
Haunt-Clad Shroud

* Hmm, a single line of actual rule description isn't enough here. The designer has over 200 words left to work with and should be using those to answer some remaining questions: Does the shroud make the wearer shaken? Does it only turn on when something else gives the wearer the shaken condition? Do the spectral bodies still grant a deflection bonus to AC if the attacker has firm resolve? Also, no commas in the costs.

* I'm more hung up on how you measure if an attacker has "firm resolve." Is it just the absence of the shaken condition? Because there are other escalating fear-based effects besides shaken that could be interpreted as lacking "firm resolve." And does it have to be fear-based? What if they willingly choose to inflict nonlethal damage on you? Is that lacking in "firm resolve?"

* I too think the author way undershot on this one. Just 72 words? This is a situation where more would have been more.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

Gauntlets of Deep Earth
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot hands; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
These adamantine and obsidian gauntlets exude a sensation of deep-seated strength to those who touch them. The gauntlets grant the wearer an enhancement bonus to Strength of +4. Treat this bonus as a temporary ability bonus for the first 24 hours the gauntlets are worn. While worn any melee attack the wielder makes against an object with hardness treats the object as if its hardness were reduced by 8.
The gauntlets have an additional power that may be activated on command as a standard action once per day. The wearer may command the gauntlets to make his flesh stone-like for 80 minutes, granting a +3 enhancement bonus to his natural armor which functions as a barkskin spell. Alternately the wielder may cause the gauntlets to consume a gem worth 500 gp as a material component to enhance the spell effect, instead granting the benefit of a stoneskin and darkvision spell for 80 minutes. The darkvision effect continues even if the stoneskin effect is expended. Using this power replaces the natural armor benefit.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, barkskin, bull's strength, darkvision, stoneskin; Cost 18,000 gp

Paizo Employee Developer

CouncilofFools wrote:

Prise de fer Plastron

* So, this is a method of temporarily duplicating the special abilities of a weapon that hits you, replacing whatever you have on your own weapon for the next 5 rounds? Well, that interpretation sidesteps the exponential costing issue for stacking weapon properties. I like how they separated out the two-weapon fighters and those wielding double weapons by saying it only affects one end or one weapon. But I'm left wondering if you're struck a second time, if you can borrow another property to add to the second weapon or the other end of your double weapon.

* As you can see, this starts getting really complicated, really fast. You have to track all these different weapon properties and which weapon gets assigned what power. You can borrow some stuff. You can't borrow other stuff. The bonus on the prise de fer plastron has to equal (or exceed?) the weapon property it's going to duplicate. I can see the whole game bogging down as a GM has to consult the weapon properties table to determine which effects can be duplicated and which can't.
* In addition, I'm not really crazy about the name. It makes sense from the duelist perspective. I'm just not keen on using French names to describe magic items. Weapons like a bec de corbin make more sense, because they're very specific to the medieval weaponry designed in France and it really has no other name. But the prise de fer plastron could have easily be renamed the duelist's vest and it would have worked just as well. It's also a bit more informative to the reader as to what it might actually be.
* So, I'm not really sold on this item. I think it makes the GM's job harder. It lets you add these weapon properties to your own items automatically, 3 times/day, for 5 rounds of each usage. That's a pretty powerful game changer. And I'm not in love with it.
* It would have been better if it just "charged" the wearer's weapon as a duplicate for one attack. Much less bookkeeping. I'm a reject on this due to the dm load.
* Ignoring the mechanics, which you've discussed, this item displeases me because it's using a French term as part of the name.
* Yes, I know it's common among fencers.
* Yes, I know we have "coup de grace" as an actual game term.
* But still.


Good grief! I shouldn't have waited two hours to post this! Already 5 pages of items are awaiting personal judge review... therefore, I invite anyone who wants to review this item to do so. I don't really care if you "like" it or not, is it "good" or not- my main goal here is to learn how to improve my skills for next year. Thanks in advance, friends! Note: the "official" word count from paizo's counter was 294.
***********

Stump Dust

Aura: moderate enchantment. CL: 8th. Slot: None. Price: 1600 gp. Weight: 1/4 ounce per use.

Description:
This heavy ochre dust is harvested from the rotting stumps of ancient, magical trees. One handful of stump dust will cover a 10x10 square foot area (sprayed or sprinkled), and if carefully sprinkled, it lasts one hour (though weather can remove it early at GM discretion). During that time, with a failed DC 20 Will save, anyone crossing the dust becomes completely uncertain whether or not he’s on the right path. Even if there is no choice of direction (the dust covers an area without any alternative routes), there is a 50% chance of the victims simply deciding to turn back.

When sprinkled at intersections with multiple choices of route, the dust’s enchantment will force its victim to randomly choose a direction, no matter how familiar the way (his own home), or how urgent the need (chasing a just-fled rogue). Multiple victims can be sent in multiple wrong directions. If the dust is inhaled directly, the Will save DC increases to 25, and the victim becomes blissfully befuddled, unable to make up his mind about any decision for one hour, having a 50% chance per decision of making a wrong choice. Additionally, the victim has a -1 penalty to all skill and ability checks. He can, however, defend himself normally. Unfortunately, stump dust does not make a very effective “inhaled poison” because it settles to the ground within one round after spraying. If anyone inhales it (and fails his Will save) during that one round, its power is exhausted, and the ground below is not enchanted.

Construction
Requirements:
Craft Wondrous Item, Profession: herbalism (4 ranks), or Knowledge: nature (7 ranks), confusion, misdirection. Cost: 800 gp per use.

Paizo Employee Developer

Gio wrote:
Laurel of Magnificence

* Wow. This item is full of fighting cheese. You pretty much get to assess whatever opponent or situation you're heading into...invoke this thing to give you a bunch of uber-helpful tactical stuff as you perform a successful combat maneuver and then maximize all of your attacks for the next 3 rounds...and you win! It's complicated with all the various rules effects each stance manipulates. It breaks rules left and right...granted, only 1/2/3 times per day depending on the color of the laurel...but for 3 rounds at a time...which may not be required for the length of any combat if you're granting many of these effects.

* I think this item is open to abuse. You stack with this lots of other builds from the martial character classes and I think this thing bends the game in bad ways. This item also feels really jammed together...like the designer came up with lots of cool innovative things for wondrous items to do, but then shook them all up and put them in a single item. It's a little too SAK for me. I also think it's one of those items that makes a GM's job harder as he has to track all the things that each stance negates.

* I think this is too complex (from the guy who keeps complaining about too few mechanics in the entries, that's saying something).
* I'm also worried about combo builds. This is an item that would require some special assistance from a combat-build maven to assess. If it was the prize reward at the conclusion of a substantial adventure, I might be willing to do the work to determine if this item was balanced or not, and if not, how to fix it.
* My hackles go up whenever I see certain rules "violated". Not having to worry about attacks of opportunity when taking a 5 foot step is one. That rule was added in the first place to make line-of-sight and obstruction rules less onerous (lest the Thinker in the party obsess for far too long on making exact, precise movements every turn...) If you let this into a campaign, it's going to virally infect other things in unintended ways. Pretty soon we'll be back to people insisting on measuring and checking every square they might move to for fear that they'll be blocked by some minor feature of the encounter.
* Reject, but with commendation for getting all those mechanics in under 300 words.

* The fact that the three varieties of this item only change how many times per day you can use it is pretty lame.
* Don't every say "thrice."
* Tactical champion lets you ignore a long list of defensive bonuses, which is cheesy.
Countering champion lets you take AOOs if someone takes a 5FS. No, just... no. And anyone you hit can't make AOOs? That means you can waltz around them all you want, as can your sneak-attacking rogue buddy. No.
* Overwhelm: Wow, it's like all the Improved combat maneuver feats in one! And you get a free disarm after an attack! And you can use a greatsword when grappled! Full attack after a charge!
* In the words of Max from Where the Wild Things Are, "NO!"
* REJECT!

Star Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Ersatz Elixir
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot —; Price 1,000 gp (per ounce); Weight
Description
A flask of ersatz elixir, when found, holds 9-12 ounces of the stuff (1d4+8). This silvery-white, metallic-looking liquid has two miraculous properties.

First, if poured into the empty container from a magic potion (a standard action), the elixir transforms into a maximized version of that potion. This requires a number of ounces, equal to 1 + the spell level of the source potion.

Second, if a number of ounces equal to spell level are poured into an empty container that has never held a magic potion, the elixir can store a spell (suitable for use as a potion) of up to 4th level--even a spell with a range of personal. This process changes the casting time of the spell to 1 minute (only if it is shorter) and the caster must have the elixir and any material components or focus the spell requires, in hand. Later, when the elixir is consumed, the spell released is empowered.

In both cases, the elixir expands or contracts to fit its container; is treated like a potion for drawing, imbibing, etc.; and the caster level is the minimum required to cast a maximized version (in the first case) or an empowered version (in the second case) of the relevant spell. If not consumed within 24 hours, the elixir returns to its pure form and loses any spell effects it was simulating unless 1 or more ounces of elixir are added (at a rate of 1 ounce per additional 24 hours). Ersatz elixir does not work with magic oils or anything else other than magic potions.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell, amplify elixir, imbue with spell ability; Cost 500 gp (per ounce)

-------------------------------------------------

word of thanks:

Congrats to the top 32. Also, thank you to Paizo for giving us an opportunity to compete and stretch our collective imaginations. Above all else, thank you to the judges who had the difficult job of selecting the top 32 and are now willing to share their frank opinions so that we all might learn what worked and what we might do better with next year. This process will ultimately benefit all of us as these new and exciting creations make their way to our gaming tables.

Paizo Employee Developer

The Grandfather wrote:

Shroud of Necromorphosis

* This item seems really familiar. Did someone submit something like this in the past? I don't recall if it made the Top 32 in a prior year...as an alternate...or showed up in the "Clark Please Review My Item" threads of years past.

* At any rate, I do like the mojo on this one. The whole revenant deal is kind of eerie and cool. I think the shroud should definitely take up a slot though since its primary function is to put over the face of someone so they can take on the visage of the corpse. I'm not happy that it foils true seeing, though. And I'm not thrilled with the name...though I can see how it applies. I also think this item may be a little undercosted for what it can do.
* Inclined to keep for the moment. But, can anyone do some research on helping me remember where I've seen this before?

* It reminds me of the 'infiltrate the drow by wearing corpses' spell from the Second Darkness AP. Or did you mean something closer?

* No. I feel like I've seen it (or something similar) in an earlier RPG Superstar competition. But now that you mention it, it also smacks of the spell for infiltrating the drow from Second Darkness.

* I think I've found the item that's similar. In RPG Superstar 2008, we had the shroud of old souls, which let you take an imprint of a dead body so you could later use the shroud to raise someone from the dead without needing to carry their body out of the dungeon.
* Maybe I just crossed that up in my mind along with the recorporeal incarnation spell from Second Darkness: "Endless Night"...? Regardless, if this item makes it through and someone else points out some similarity, I'll be berating myself for not remembering exactly where I've seen this before.

* I'd really like to keep this one, but there are too many little issues I've got with it.
* For one, there are misplaced commas all over, each of which makes my neck hair, stand up on end.
* I don't like that true seeing can't detect this, as that's what true seeing is supposed to do.
What's a "transformation aura?" Does the designer mean "transmutation aura?"
* Overall, I think it has a really cool concept, but there are too many if/then statements in it, and it ultimately has more errors than it compensates for with its good qualities.

* I agree (the commas don't bug me, that's what editors are for) but misusing a named type is a non-Superstar error.

* He actually got the aura correct in the Aura line, just not in the text. Definitely an oversight he must have missed while proofreading it.

* I agree with you guys about the true seeing bit. A cheap item shouldn't trump a master spell like that.
* I'm not really sure why you'd use this item. You imprint it with a corpse's identity, then put it on a living guy to assume their image, and the corpse looks like the living guy... and you start to rot and after an hour the corpse rises and tries to kill you. I'm not sure why that last bit is necessary at all. Without the rotting and revenant part, I could totally see someone using this item (at least under specific circumstances, like to fake your own death, and if the designer intended that purpose it ought to use misdirection as well) but with that drawback... no way.
* I also think it cheapens the idea of a revenant if all you gotta do is throw a cheap magic item on it to have someone come back as one.
* Nice try, has potential, but needs more practice.

Paizo Employee Developer

brock wrote:
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde

* Aiyiyi. I see where the designer was headed with this item. And, having a pendant somehow save a piece of yourself when you're about to be affected by something that's going to end your life so you can be resurrected later is kind of cool. But this thing is all kinds of messed up.

* First, the initial statement uses an adjective as a noun. But okay. Let's keep reading. It's got a cheesy in-character quote dropped in there. Then, we find out that its power is activated when someone is killed...or "the subject of a successful attack that would trap, corrupt, or destroy their soul." Eh? Okay, I can see trap the soul. But corrupt or destroy? That's kind of loosely defined. So, if a paladin or cleric somehow sins and becomes an ex-paladin or ex-cleric, does that qualify as corrupting their soul?
* So, then, once this thing activates, it takes a sample of your blood and preserves (and protects) your soul...teleporting away even as it leaves a 15-round miniature flame strike to burn away your body...what?...so it can't be defiled?...or just so you can take vengeance on whoever was close to you that managed to kill your sorry butt?
* Then, this pendant goes off to either a preset destination (presumably so someone can resurrect or restore you and your soul with a raise dead, resurrection, etc. And, if you were too busy to specify a place, it somehow detects "dry land" where there's a "member of your race" who just happens to be oddly within 150 feet of its teleport location...all so it can draw them to you with a sympathy effect and whisper to them when they're within 10 feet. Okay. Do you get to whisper to them yourself and say, "Save me!" Or does the item just do it because you no longer have a voice?
* It then goes on to say what the real purpose of the item is in the very last sentence...to raise someone from the dead. Or, it can also restore someone via regenerate? That seems...odd.
* Also, the concept of a misericorde (at least in this case) is actually a long, narrow dagger. And that's usually a weapon category rather than a wondrous item. The designer is skirting things by making it into a pendant rather than an actual dagger. But that item "choice" isn't endearing me any further to it. He could have made it into an amulet of body and soul preservation and it could work just the same.

* What if there is already a soul in the thing? How long can it last? Forever? Does that drive the soul mad?
* I actually like the flamestrike thing. It's a home campaign dealio to be sure, but a lot of games assume that Bad Things(tm) can be done if Lower Planer Entities get ahold of your dead body.
* This needed to be tightened. Why not just allow it to be activated as an instant action? Maybe I'd rather elect to Flamestrike and die and hope I get returned to life BEFORE I get ability drained, petrified, etc. (How will a Command Word item work AFTER I'm dead?)
* I assume that most of the time you find one of these, it comes pre-loaded with a soul. That's a great roleplaying aspect - who knows what's coming out of this thing when you try to raise the dead? There's no requirement that the user be good-aligned, after all!
* I wanted to like it. I wanted to keep it. I hope it gets reworked and submitted next year.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Modera wrote:
Bracers of transfiguration

Uninspired name. Nothing "transfiguring" about these bracers. Maybe "transference" would have made more sense? Also need to capitalize your whole name...i.e., "Bracers of Transfiguration."

Modera wrote:

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th

Slot wrists; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.

Aura and CL seem appropriate for fabricate and greater magic weapon. Thematically-appropriate, too. Slot and weight correct for bracers. Price seems okay on a cursory scan.

Modera wrote:

Description

These metal bracers are etched with different intertwined weapons.

Okay. Adequate. Just not very inspiring on the visual description.

Modera wrote:

The bracers can be activated once per day to move one special weapon ability from one magic weapon you currently have on your person (though not necessarily wield) to a magic weapon you currently wield. The initial weapon loses the ability for 1 minute and the recipient weapon gains the ability for 1 minute. Activating this item is a move action.

The recipient weapon must be able to have the ability in order to gain it (for instance, a weapon would have to be a slashing melee weapon in order to receive the vorpal quality from another weapon). Bracers of transfiguration cannot move specific weapons’ abilities but can move weapon special abilities to specific weapons (i.e. you could move the flaming special ability to a holy avenger, however you could not move the sleep effect from a sleep arrow to a +1 arrow). Moving a special ability to a weapon that already has the ability has no affect and wastes this ability for the day. This ability cannot move an enhancement bonus from one weapon to another.

I think you've got problems here. Stacking special weapon properties was a big theme this year for a lot of weapons. Most failed to take into consideration the exponential cost that should come along with that. And it just makes these items impossible to price. What's 10,000 gp to be able to make a +4 flaming longsword also gain the vorpal quality...and now you've magnified its capabilities way beyond the scope of what a single weapon should be able to do at any price. So, this is a broken mechanic.

Yes, it might seem cool to be able to take a weapon you can't wield as effectively (because maybe you don't have Weapon Focus and Weapon Specialization in it) and transfer its cool weapon property to a weapon you can wield really well. But it's not good from a game-balance perspective.

Modera wrote:

Construction

Requirements fabricate, greater magic weapon; Cost 5,000 gp

You're missing the Craft Wondrous Item feat. There may be cause to include Craft Magic Arms and Armor, as well. You italicized your spells, but you need to get in the habit of making sure you exclude the commas from that. It makes a difference in your turnover when you're working for real with Paizo's templates. Your price/cost ratio is spot on, but the price itself is out of sync with what this item can do.

Summary:
Uninspired name (not really appropriate for what this item does)
Poor idea (weapon property stacking injects very real game balance issues)
Flawed mechanics (doesn't properly account for exponential costs of weapon property stacking or curbing abuse potential)
Decent flavor/writing
Presentation issues (missing construction feats)

Paizo Employee Developer

Eric Stelle wrote:
Gem of Enduring Legacy

* This item had the potential to be really cool. But I think an immediate action to grant a +15(!) bonus to AC or any saving throw is just going too far. Why not say it just automatically succeeds because that's what the designer of this item really wants it to do by giving a bonus that high. Personally, I think the item is way undercosted to grant that, especially since it's once/day. Save this thing for the BBEG at the end of the adventure and automatically make his biggest, baddest ability (be it an attack or a spell) pretty much auto-fail. Not Superstar.

* That said, I like most of the other aspects of it. The flavor is good. The counsel of kings from ages past works for the skill bonuses...but I don't like the 85% mechanic on the omniscience thing...though, clearly, he's going for how divination works. He should have just referenced the spell, but maybe he was trying to keep from making it look like a SIAC and a SAK. I just wish the author had reined in the whole thing, because it's got the seed of a Superstar idea. I even like the caveat at the end where the gem seeks to add the wearer to its collection of souls rather than allow him to be returned to life.

* This is a great idea, but perhaps not one that falls within the scope of the contest. My gut reaction to it is that it should be an artifact and an intelligent item. The final line about the gem's motivations, while flavorful, screams intelligence to me. On those grounds, as much as I'd love to see what this designer might be able to come up with if guided a bit more to stay within bounds, I'm hesitant to outright keep it.

* We ran into this problem with the kiira--elven lore stones--in Forgotten Realms, in that they were supposed to hold the knowledge of previous owners... which means a newly-crafted one doesn't know any more than you and shouldn't provide a bonus.
* The +15 bonus is weird and we don't normally do bonuses that high.
* It doesn't define the benefit of the counsel on future events; I know the crafting info says divination, but I don't know for sure that's what he means, and thus to what extent it can provide answers.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Sebastian wrote:
Glass Heart

Interesting, short name. I'm intrigued to learn what a magical glass heart might do. That's not two words you'd normally associate together, despite their simplicity.

Sebastian wrote:

Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 9th

Slot --; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Aura and CL seem appropriate for haste and raise dead. Nothing to tie-in the lightning bolt, but that's more for flavor than a true evocation spell effect. So I think that was the right choice. Price is too good for what this item allows.

Sebastian wrote:

Description

Red and blue arcs of electricity flicker and pulse within this fist-sized shard of glass, flaring brightly when it is implanted into the chest cavity of a dead creature. Implanting a glass heart requires ten minutes and causes the recipient to return to life as if targeted by a raise dead spell. A particular glass heart can only raise a creature from the dead once and only if the creature has been dead for less than 9 days.

Smart design to lead with the physical description. A bit macabre to imagine this being used to restore someone to life. What happened to the original heart? Why choose this method over a regular raise dead? Just to get the haste effect? That makes this feel metagame-y to a degree.

Sebastian wrote:
Upon being returned to life, the electricity in the glass heart replaces the recipient's blood, granting her an extra Move Action each round for as long as the heart is implanted. The substitution of electricity for blood makes the recipient resistant to negative energy, granting a +2 resistance bonus to saves against such effects. Finally, the recipient is immune to electricity attacks and heals 1 hp per point of damage such attacks would otherwise inflict.

No need to capitalize "Move Action"...and why would a lightning bolt's electricity protect against negative energy...grant immunity to electricity...and allow the healing from electricity damage? That doesn't seem to fit with what this item is built around as strongly. Or, at the very least, it makes it feel like there should be other spell requirments invested in this thing, too. Regardless, it's providing too much at this point for the 50,000 gp price.

Sebastian wrote:
Because it replaces a creature’s organic heart, a glass heart can only be implanted in a creature whose anatomy includes a heart. Recognizing that a creature has an implanted glass heart requires a DC 20 Spellcraft check.

Why a Spellcraft check? That skill doesn't really let you perceive what's inside someone.

Sebastian wrote:
Unfortunately, the heart is not a perfect substitute for a living organ and is very fragile. If the recipient suffers a critical hit from a bludgeoning weapon, she must make a Fortitude Save (DC 10 + the damage dealt) or immediately perish as the heart is pulverized. A glass heart is also vulnerable to the shatter spell. If the heart is targeted and the recipient fails her save, it is crushed and she is instantly slain.

This is a good idea to start nerfing the item, but it doesn't really go far enough, in my opinion.

Sebastian wrote:

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste, lightning bolt, raise dead; Cost 25,000 gp

You're good here. From a stylistic standpoint, you want to break the habit of italicizing entire strings of spells though. Just italicize them one at a time and leave the commas as regular text.

Summary:
Intriguing name (I liked it)
Interesting idea (you had the seed of something great here)
Mechanically unsound (too much for too little)
Good flavor/writing (everything flows with some evocative text)
Very good presentation (near-perfect execution of template)

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Star Voter 2013 aka Electric Monk

Be gentle... Actually, No, Be vicioius!

Torc of Totemic Form
Aura moderate transmutation CL 10th
Slot neck; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This torc, made of twisted bone and ivory, bears a series of highly stylised animal carvings along its outer edges.
Once per day the torc can be used, at will, to transform the wearer into an animal form (as per the spell beast shape III except as noted blelow) for a period of up to two hours. The type of animal transformed into is determined by the wearer's alignment and highest of the statistics Intelligence, Wisdom or Charisma, according to the table below.

.....................Int........Wis.........Chr
Good........... Fox*......Owl........Hawk
Neutral.....Weasel....Lizard......Cat
Evil.............Raven......Rat........Viper

* Fox should be treated as a dog with the young template

Changing form (to an animal or back) is a full-round action and provokes an attack of opportunity. The wearer's appearance in animal form is in all respects typical for an animal of the appropriate species of the same sex as the wearer. Should the wearer's alignment or statistics change for any reason after their first use of the torc, the type of animal polymorphed into does not change.

If the wearer of the torc is affected by any spell or other effect which would polymorph her into an animal (such as baleful polymorph), she may elect to ignore all effects of that spell and instead be affected as if she had used the torc normally. Once used, the torc can not be used by any other person unless the previous wearer has died.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, beast shape III or Wild Shape (4/day) ability; Cost 10,000 gp

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014 aka SmiloDan

SERPENT TONGUE

Aura: Strong transmutation
CL: 17th
Slot: -
Price: 60,000 gold pieces.
Weight: -

Description:

This worm-like appendage comes in a vial filled with murky green ichor. As a full-round action, the user drinks the ichor and swishes it around his mouth. The appendage binds to the user’s tongue, giving it a forked appearance.
Thereafter, the user gains a +6 profane bonus on Bluff skill checks. Whenever the user speaks to two or more creatures, as a free action, he may divide them into two groups and communicate a different message to each group. Members of one group do not hear what the user is communicating to the other group, and neither group notices anything unusual is going on when this happens unless they make a DC 40 Sense Motive skill check. This ability is usable at will.
Additionally, twice per day, the user can perform two of the following actions as a single full round action: initiate a bardic performance, cast a spell with a casting time of 1 standard action or less, or activate a command word magic item.
The serpent tongue must be cut off to remove it. This causes 1d4 points of damage to the user and prevents him from speaking until that damage is cured.

Construction:

Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell, glibness, magic mouth.
Cost: 30,000 gold pieces.


Even though I've already got a plethora of ideas about why item tanked, SIAK being number one on the list, I want feedback. Those that made the top 32 really deserved it. Ok, I'm waiting for the stern critiques and disappointment from the judges over this one. Thanks for the time gentlemen.

Ironwood Vest
Aura strong transmutation; CL 17th
Slot body; Price 124,000gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This appears to be a simple green vest with five fasteners crafted from iron, which may be worn over armor or other clothing. Initially, the vest provides a +1 natural armor bonus per fastener, similarly to an Amulet of Natural Armor. Its true power does not become evident until the wearer of the vest is hit by a non-artifact, metal melee weapon. When this occurs, the weapon is transmuted to wood as though it were affected by the spell Transmute Iron to Wood. Any magical, non-artifact, metal melee weapon that strikes the wearer of the vest is transmuted to wood (no save), but only for the next 5 rounds. Any metal object, such as gauntlets or brass knuckles, used to enhance an unarmed strike constitutes being stricken with a metal melee weapon. Only non-artifact, metal melee weapons are affected by the transmutation effect, even if they are hurled at the wearer of the vest.
The vest grants the wearer one final benefit that can be triggered no more than once per day. In the event that an attacker were to score a critical threat with a non-artifact, metal melee weapon, two things happen: first, the weapon turns to wood as previously described; second, the wearer of the vest transforms into iron, as though he were the target of the spell Iron Body. The transformation occurs the instant a critical threat is scored, prior to confirmation of a critical hit, lasting for 5 rounds. The wearer then returns to normal and a single iron fastener rusts away. Once all iron fasteners have rusted away, the vest immediately crumbles to dust.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, barkskin, iron body, and transmute metal to wood;
Cost 64,000 gp


Compass of the Inner Circle

Aura moderate conjuration, faint illusion; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 20,160 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
This ordinary-looking compass functions normally, but once per day on command can be activated to encircle a target creature within 100 feet with the compass holder and up to three mirror images of the compass holder. The mirror images mimic your movement, sounds and actions exactly. The target creature must be within line of sight of the compass holder when activated. Once the target creature is encircled, the mirror images remain unless destroyed as in the spell mirror image or until the compass holder leaves the circle. If another creature or object prevents the target creature from being encircled, fewer mirror images are created.
The compass holder’s position in the circle is random and changes each round the circle is maintained. The mirror images create a miss chance for the target creature attempting to attack the compass holder based on the number of mirror images remaining. The target creature is considered flanked while mirror images remain intact.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, mirror image; Cost 10,080 gp


Locket of the Last Breath
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 3,000 gp; Weight
Description
This simple charm suspended from a delicate cord vaguely resembles two slightly parted lips. As a full round action, when the locket is placed upon the lips of a creature within one minute of its death, the locket's magic is triggered. A chilling, rattling sigh escapes from the deceased as the locket draws the last vestiges of breath from the corpse. If the deceased had the construct, ooze, outsider (elemental), plant, or undead types, nothing happens.

Once a last breath has been absorbed, anyone wearing the locket can speak with the deceased's voice at will, so long as the deceased had a language. Additionally, the wearer is able to hold her breath for twice as long before having to make constitution checks. Thirdly, if the wearer is subjected to any breath-related effect that requires a save (such as stinking cloud and suffocation, as well as inhaled poisons), the first save is treated as a natural 20. This use immediately expends the breath within the locket, rendering it useless until another breath is drawn in. Lastly, as a standard action, the wearer can open the locket and release the breath. This use expends the breath and duplicates the effects of whispering wind, however the message can only be delivered in the deceased's voice. If the deceased did not have a language, the breath is expended with no effect.

A Locket of the Last Breath can only contain one breath at a time. After ten breaths have been expended, the locket releases a long, slow sigh and is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, whispering wind, alter self; Cost 1,500 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014

Derro Bag of Beetles ???

Sorry I can't post the item since I am deployed and did it on a work comp which got reformatted. Its the one with the bugs. Literally...

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Maps Subscriber

Good Evening Judges,

What follows is the item I submitted this year, I had a good feeling about it, and would really like to know what I haven't done correctly. It is the only way I'm going to improve and learn.

Jotunblood Mantle
Aura strong transmutation; CL 13th
Slot chest; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This coarse shirt of animal hair and hide is decorated with runes and fetishes related to giants and strength
When worn a jotunblood mantle provides the following benefits, the wearer is treated as if he were Large-sized when initiating or defending against attacks or effects based on size, including combat maneuvers such as bull rush and grapple or defending against special attacks like swallow whole. His Combat Maneuver Bonus is modified as follows: his Strength modifier receives an additional +3 bonus, and he now adds a +1 bonus to his special size modifier. His Combat Maneuver Defense is modified by a -1 penalty to his Dexterity modifier (the Strength modifier and special size modifier retain their new bonuses). Additionally the wearer's skin hardens and thickens, granting a +2 natural armor bonus. The mantle does not provide any additional bonuses to other ability scores, nor does the wearer gain any extraordinary or supernatural abilities a Large-sized humanoid of the giant subtype possesses.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, giant form I;
Cost 7,000 gp

Thank you for your time.

Dean; The_Minstrel_Wyrm


Dear Judges,
Thank you for providing feedback! I appreciate the opportunity to learn from my item's mistakes in the hopes of competing in RPG Superstar 2012.
-Jikuu

Glove of Snappy Comebacks
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot hands; Price 11,000gp (one glove); Weight -
Description
Two faintly glowing inscriptions on the thumb and middle finger adorn this otherwise unremarkable leather glove. When the wearer resolves a successful attack with a one-handed weapon, he may choose to activate the glove as a free action by snapping his fingers. The gloved hand cannot have been employed in making the attack nor can it have held any object or spell. Activating the glove marks the target of the triggering attack. As long as the target is within 60 feet of the wearer, the mark lasts for 1 minute. As an immediate action, the wearer can snap his fingers again to activate the mark, damaging the target as though the wearer had successfully attacked with the same weapon. Ability modifiers to damage and weapon enhancements are still added to the damage. Once this ability has been triggered, the mark vanishes. The glove may be used twice per day. A glove of snappy comebacks uses up the entire hands slot and cannot be worn with another item that also uses the hands slot.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telekinesis; Cost 5,500gp


Thank you in advance for any feedback. Since this was my first time I know I have leaps and bounds to improve. :)

Welkin’s Fury

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 4500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This fist sized smooth oval stone is shrouded in ever shifting hues of dark green, brown, gray and white. On command, if the stone is in contact with the ground, it produces one of four weather conditions filling a 20-foot-radius area centered on the stone. The effect lasts for five minutes. The stone must remain stationary or its effects are broken. Despite its size, the stone cannot be blown away by any of the resulting weather conditions.

d% Weather
01-24 Fog
25-59 Blizzard
60-89 Greater Duststorm
90-100 Tornado

When used indoors the weather manifests itself inside the area where activated. When activated outdoors there is a 10% chance of the weather uprooting the stone from its position, losing the stone as its anchor. If the weather condition is no longer anchored to the stone its duration expands to 1d8 hours and fills a 2-mile-radius area in 2 minutes. When not anchored, the magical storm also gains the movement of its respective natural type of weather. Welkin’s Fury is a one time use.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, control weather; Cost 2250 gp

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32

Nicolas Quimby wrote:


...If not then I'm just confused...

Yes, which is what I was afraid of. This is an awful lot to cram into 300 words (you should have seen it when it was 200!). Thank you very much for your response. There is no "missing text" in there. To clear things up for you, here's a play-by-play of how it works:


  • You have a small lump of crystal that's shaped like a fly.
  • You squeeze it in your hand while mentally focusing on the length of time you want it to be active. You could choose a day...or an hour...or one minute...or anything in-between. Note that you're not memorizing anything here, you're chosing (I knew that this was the most awkward sentence in the whole thing, but couldn't figure out a clearer way of saying it without blowing the word limit).
  • It turns into a "real" fly.
  • You get to control it for one minute in order to choose a good place for it to hang out and spy on people (like the figure of speech, "I'd love to be a fly on the wall in that room). Maybe a wall in a room...or inside somebody's backpack...wherever. When this minute is up, you no longer have any control over the fly, ever again. Never.
  • The fly stays put for the period of time you chose in the earlier step. Sure, if somebody tries to swat it, it responds like a real fly...but then it goes right back where you told it to stay.
  • When it's time is up, the fly dies. Then it zaps back into your hand (or not, depending on circumstances).
  • You (or a friend) swallow the fly and learn everything that happened around it while it was hanging out for a day...or an hour...or one minute.

It never goes dormant. I'm really not sure where you got that from. It works for a set amount of time (one day max), then dies. During the time it's "alive," it has no magical aura because otherwise people might say, "Hmmm...that's odd. That fly in your backpack is giving off some serious sparks, dude. Maybe we ought to look into that."

Nicolas Quimby wrote:


Also, you say that you have to swallow the fly to gain the information. That COULD be interesting; unfortunately, you go to such lengths (and use so many words) making it impossible to prevent its return that swallowing it isn't much of a challenge. You might as well just have the information transfer remotely. I think this needs a lot more polish.
This is actually very important in a lot of ways. First, the swallowing requirement means that anybody can use the fly. One person can send it out, then give it to somebody else to swallow. Second, in case there was any doubt, the swallowing part makes perfectly clear that it's a one-use item. Most importantly, it's meant as a balancing device because this fly basically amounts to a form of scrying that can't be detected or blocked by the spells normally used for that purpose. It is actually very possible to prevent its return, just by other means. Consider this scenario:
hypothetical wrote:


The PCs get a fly into the BBEG's lair by having it land on some supplies destined for his inner sanctum (magical components or somesuch). It spends the better part of a day collecting all sorts of great information for the PCs. Then it curls up dead and teleports...to the nearest wall, where it is stopped cold by the magical barrier that the duly paranoid BBEG always keeps in place. He immediately notices the big-time aura coming from the dead fly in the corner. A simple Knowledge check is all it takes for him to realize what the fly really is. He swallows it, and since the memories start at the moment the fly activates, he now knows exactly who was trying to spy on him, and where they were a day ago.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka Teth Evik

Pixie Bead
Aura faint conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 400 gp; Weight -
Description
This hollow wooden bead is carved in the image of a nutshell. When crushed, a standard action, a pinpoint of light emerges and moves immediately to any one invisible creature within 60 feet and circles the creature, moving with it for the duration of the effect. The presence of the light reveals the location of the creature to anyone able to see it by making a Perception check, base DC 10, but does not affect its concealment. This pinpoint of light provides no illumination, but sparkles brightly enough to be seen clearly from 60 feet in all light conditions except magical darkness, which hides the light. The light lasts for five rounds. If the targeted creature becomes visible or after five rounds have expired, the light dissipates.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Nature's Ally I, ground mica; Cost 200 gp

Thanks for taking the time.

Osirion

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Cards, Companion, Maps, Modules, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

This is my entry for this year; my main worry was the pricing.
By stepping away from the temptations of SIAK, you find yourself in uncharted waters, where the price table no longer applies.

Cauldron of Remembrance
Aura minor necromancy, medium transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none Price 17370 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description This small, lidded cauldron is usually eighteen inches across, of beaten copper or bronze, emblazoned with animal and humanoid figures, entwined in scenes denoting reincarnation and rebirth.
As well as being a normal cooking tool, the cauldron may become attuned to its owner, if they fill it with animal fats, heat it, and meditate on the swirling patterns of the surface for an hour.
Once attuned, the owner may cause the cauldron to heat and cool itself, without need for fuel or flame. All Craft (alchemy) and Profession (cookery) checks are made with a +2 circumstance bonus.
The cauldron can be used in a ritual, rendering a Medium-sized or smaller corpse into a jelly, that can be transported more easily. The time required for this ritual is 2 hours (Medium), 30 minutes (Small), 5 minutes (Tiny or smaller).
This jelly will not decay, as long as it remains in the cauldron.
Once per 12 hours, the user can heat up the cauldron, and the liquid jelly can be made to form itself into a replica of the original creature, which can be questioned, as per the spell speak with dead, ignoring the requirement for an intact mouth.
Once per week, the heated jelly can be poured into a roughly-cut trench lined with herbs costing 1000gp, and the creature may be reborn, as per the spell reincarnate. If this is done by a druid, or a witch with the Cauldron hex, the cost is halved to 500gp.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, heat metal, reincarnate, speak with dead; Cost 8685 gp

For the record, the pricing was as follows;

gentle repose SL2*CL3*1800/2(long base duration)=5400*0.75 (2nd effect) = 4050
heat metal ? (not costed, as flavor only. see judges comment thread on similar off-camera effects)
reincarnate SL4*CL7*1800/10(infrequent use)=5040*0.5(3rd effect)=2520
speak with dead SL3*CL5*1800*0.4(uses/day)=10800

The reincarnation, I reduced further, as the user may not always need to use it at the given rate, even at the slow rate of 1/week.

The reincarnation effect I left as still requiring materials, as it would otherwise have sent the crafting cost into orbit, but I allowed the reduction in the per-use material costs, so as to function as a 'power component', and thus, do something outside the bounds of the spell as written.
I included the benefits to the Cauldron Hex Witch as an inclusive shout-out to the new classes in the APG.

Roll on 2012!

Paizo Employee Chief Technical Officer

Jikuu wrote:
Glove of Snappy Comebacks

If I'd been judging, I'd have rejected your item right there: Your item name is literally a joke. And then the item doesn't even do what the name suggests (that is, some kind of taunting thing). Though, come to think of it, if the item *did* do what the name suggests, it would have actually been worse.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Crowface wrote:
Penumbral Ligatures

Kind of an ominous sounding name. Some big words in there. Not sure it was the most thought-provoking, intriguing name that would resonate with everyone. But it wasn't run-of-the-mill either.

Crowface wrote:

Aura strong illusion; CL 13th

Slot —; Price 98,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Aura and CL seem about right for project image and shadow conjuration. Slot and weight make sense for an iron crossbar, I suppose. Price feels a little low for the uber-range abilities and surrogate spellcasting this enables.

Crowface wrote:

Description

This hand-held apparatus is a cold iron crossbar ringed by a circle of carved ivory. From one side extend five ghostly cords that hang taut before fading into nothingness. As a standard action, the wielder can make a ranged touch attack against a single humanoid target within 100 feet. On a successful attack, the target gains the entangled condition as shadowy ligatures lash out and coil themselves around the creature’s neck, wrists, and ankles. The wielder can then force the target to act as his spell-casting surrogate.

That's a very powerful effect. It pretty much lets a wizard or sorcerer (or any spellcaster really) stand back and 100 feet in a position of relative safety and let someone else take the brunt of every bit of front line fighting, while hurling spells through them. It's pretty much stacking a high-level caster on top of a front-line fighter's body.

Crowface wrote:
Entangled creatures cannot move more than 100 feet from the wielder; removing or severing all five ligatures ends this restriction and the entangled condition. An entangled creature may burst or escape from a single ligature by making a DC 20 Strength or Escape Artist check. Any amount of slashing damage severs a ligature; each ligature is AC 20. The ligatures are made of shadow-stuff and if severed simply reform when the apparatus is used again to ensnare. The wielder can release an ensnared creature as a standard action.

So, a single ranged touch attack establishes five separate entangle-imposing conditions on someone? Very powerful. Too powerful, considering that the entangling ligatures keep letting you channel automatic touch attack spells straight into someone.

Crowface wrote:

The ligatures can ensnare a willing target. All the conditions above apply fully however, and opponents may attempt to target and sever the ligatures normally.

If the wielder chooses, any spell he casts with a range of touch or greater can be channeled through the ligatures. Melee touch spells cast in this manner always target the “surrogate” and do not require an attack roll. Spells of greater range (including ranged touch attacks) originate from the surrogate as if he were the caster, affecting targets normally. A maximum of 20 total spell levels may be channeled each day.

And then we go into the uber-range sock-puppet proxy spellcaster ability, which fires the power level of this item up even that much more. Granted, the 20 total spell levels per day is a restriction...of sorts. But it refreshes every day. So, you could make it though several encounters before that restriction would ever truly mean anything.

Crowface wrote:

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, project image, shadow conjuration; Cost 49,000 gp

You chose the right spells for the construction requirements, except, I might have suggested black tentacles be in there, too. Still, it's underpriced. It's game-breaking. And it's over-the-top.

Summary:
Ominous name (neither good, nor bad)
Interesting idea (an entangling, spell-channeling rod could be interesting)
Mechanically broken (just way too open to abuse for both abilities)
Good flavor/writing
Excellent presentation (near-perfect execution of the template)


Vic Wertz wrote:
Jikuu wrote:
Glove of Snappy Comebacks
If I'd been judging, I'd have rejected your item right there: Your item name is literally a joke. And then the item doesn't even do what the name suggests (that is, some kind of taunting thing). Though, come to think of it, if the item *did* do what the name suggests, it would have actually been worse.

Not to tell a technical director what to do but shouldn't you get some sleep? From what I've seen of the forum traffic and what looks to be the return of the thread juxtaposition monster I would think you would be about half wore out already.

half amazed at how long Vic seems to stay at it.

Paizo Employee Chief Technical Officer

Vic Wertz wrote:
Just wanted to mention that Sean is pasting in comments from *all* the judges, not just his own commentary, so when you see "I", it doesn't necessarily mean Sean said that.

Same deal with Mark. (Neil seems to be speaking for himself.)

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 , Star Voter 2013

Tear it apart, folks

Nexus of Blessed Mists
Aura faint conjuration and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot --; Price 22,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

This mace-like aspergillum is about 8 inches long and is often crafted of brass and silver. Its mundane usage is to sprinkle holy water upon the faithful or wicked through its hollow, perforated head.

When filled with a vial of holy water, a nexus of blessed mists can be used as a holy symbol to channel positive energy that harms undead. This channeling creates a cloud of fog as an obscuring mist spell. However, these blessed mists are composed entirely of holy water and positive energy.

Undead caught within this cloud take damage per the wielder’s normal channeling effect (Will half, same DC as normal channeling). Other creatures susceptible to damage from holy water, such as evil outsiders, take half this damage and may halve it further with a successful Will save. Creatures that fail their Will save become shaken for as long as they remain in the mists.

Creatures damaged by holy water take 1d6 points of damage per round after the first. Each such creature that enters the area after the initial effect must also make a Will save at the wielder's channeling DC or become shaken. The mists last for 5 rounds.

Filling a nexus is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity. It may be filled before needed and stored upright to prevent spillage. If the carrier becomes prone or held upside down for more than 1 round enough holy water will leak out to require refilling before use.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bless water, obscuring mist, creator must be able to channel positive energy; Cost 11,000 gp

Cheliax Star Voter 2013

Miniature Token of Second Chance
Aura abjuration;; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 2,500 gp; Weight -- lbs.
Description
This well crafted two-inch token is made in the image of the creature it was created for. It has the power to delay a visit from death. The character doesn’t need to have the token in hand but just in their possession to gain the benefits of the token.
When the carrier of this token is hit by an attack or fails a fails a saving throw, you can select the wounds and/or effects to be magically transmitted to the token instead of the carrier.

The token is destroyed in the process.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; Paladin’s Sacrifice, Cost 1,250g.


Wow this thread has grown inmense in a mere few hours...

Boots of time sprinting
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot feet; Price 7500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These pair of leather boots is of fine craft, each features a metal brooch with the engraving of an hourglass. The brooches never rust or lose their luster, as if unaffected by time.
By using the boots, the wearer can travel to the near future.

By tapping the heals of the boots three times and concentrating on an amount of time, the wearer can move trough time into the future, a number of rounds up to 5 minutes. The wearer effectively disappears from his location and cannot be reached or affected in any form.
When the desired amount of time he has passed, at the beginning of her turn, she appears in the same space she occupied before, if the space is unavailable, she is thrown to the nearest open space and suffers 1d6 points of bludgeoning damage for the recoil.

When the user reappears, she has already used here move action for that round.

Temporal effects or spell affecting her do ignore the time skipped.

No matter the length of the sprint, the boots need to recharge for 2 hours after each use.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Haste, Dimension Door; Cost 3750 gp

Andoran Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

The Pirate Queen's Call
Aura Moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot --; Price 125,000 gp; Weight --

Description
This traditional bosun's call is carved from weathered bone. The whistle can be sounded once every 24 hours, summoning a motley assortment of phantom sailors; enough to provide the minimum required crew for the sailing vessel upon which the whistle is blown. These sailors crew the vessel for 24 hours, after which time they fade into nothingness.

While serving as a ship's crew, these sailors are of such quality that a ship's travel speed is doubled. Their skill also provides the ship's captain with a +2 competence bonus to any sailing or shipboard related skill checks.

In ship-to-ship combat, a vessel crewed by these spirits travels at one-and-a-half times its normal speed. It can also accelerate or decelerate 40 feet per round, instead of 30. The ship also receives a +2 deflection bonus to its AC and a +1 bonus to all saves, while its captain receives a +2 bonus on his initiative rolls.

Phantom crew members can only sail a ship, they cannot participate in combat and cannot leave the vessel. If they are attacked directly, or are ordered to leave the ship, they fade away. Once destroyed or dismissed, the crew cannot be re-summoned until their normal 24 hour duration has passed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste, shield, unseen servant, Profession (sailor) 8 ranks; Cost 62,500 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I suspect that I disqualified myself by exceeding the word limit due to hyphens.

Dream Siphon of Dark Desires
Aura moderate abjuration and necromancy; CL 11th
Slot —; Price 86,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This 18-inch long blue-tinted glass tube is flared open slightly on one end and set with an intricately engraved pewter mouth-piece depicting an unusual amalgamation of Desnian and Zon-Kuthonian symbology on the other. Once per day as a standard action, the bearer may draw through the mouth-piece to attempt to magically extract the memory of a dream from a single living humanoid creature within 15 feet with an intelligence score of 2 or greater which becomes contained within the siphon (Will DC 19 negates). The target may be either awake or asleep at the time of the extraction thereby capturing a daydream or nightmare respectively. Only one dream may be stored at any time.
A dream may either be inhaled (affecting the bearer) or exhaled as a shadowy amorphous cloud (affecting all creatures within a 15-foot cone) as a separate action to produce the following effect:

  • Heroic Hallucination (daydream): All affected targets gain damage reduction DR 1/— for every 2 CR of the source creature (to a maximum of DR 5/—) for 10 minutes after which time they become fatigued.
  • Benediction of the Midnight Monarch (nightmare): All affected targets cower for 10 rounds and begin to bleed if currently at less than full hit points, dealing 1 point of bleed damage for every 2 CR of the source creature (to a maximum of 5 points of bleed damage) (Will DC 19 negates). If a nightmare is inhaled, the bearer suffers the adverse effects as normal but immediately gains the benefit of a heroic fortune spell if the source creature was lawful evil.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bleed, fear, heroic fortune, stoneskin; Cost 43,250 gp


Wow. almost 200 posts. I appreciate you judges for taking the time to do this.

Mackilarney’s Mobile Masonry

Aura: Moderate Conjuration
Slot: -
Weight: 5 lbs.
Price: - 36,000
CL: 13

This item appears to be a normal masonry brick.

When activated by speaking a command word, the brick grows to form a 10 feet long by 5 feet high brick wall. Placing the brick on it’s end causes the wall to form 5 feet long by 10 feet high. The wall is 1 foot thick. If activated in a space smaller than the wall’s size, the wall forms to that space’s dimensions. The brick is deactivated by speaking a different command word.

The brick wall forms in just 1 round. People and creatures nearby (except the owner) must be careful not to be caught by the wall’s formation. Anyone so caught takes 2d10 points of damage. A reflex saving throw (DC 19) halves the damage taken.

The brick wall has 100 HP and a hardness of 8. The wall cannot be repaired except by a wish or a miracle, which restores 50 points of damage taken. The wall cannot be tipped over.

The owner can push the wall in any direction he wishes as a full round action. This is possible due to the fact that the wall levitates just off the ground when touched by the owner. While pushing the wall the owner moves at half his normal speed.

Craft wondrous item, Wall of Stone, Levitate, 18,000


Binding Bottle
Aura strong conjuration; CL 15th
Slot --; Price 6000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A binding bottle is a magical container crafted to resemble a clay pot, bronze lamp, or other small unassuming vessel. When an outsider with no more than 18 HD is reduced to 0 hit points or fewer within 30 feet of the bottle’s holder, she may uncork the bottle as an immediate action, trapping the creature inside (no save). The holder may attempt to compel the trapped creature to perform a service (as greater planar binding) in exchange for its release, with a +2 circumstance bonus to the Charisma check.
The trapped creature can sense and communicate telepathically with creatures within one mile of the bottle. Once per day, it may target the holder of the bottle with a spell or spell-like ability that affects a single target. If the bottle is opened or destroyed, the creature immediately appears within 30 feet at full hit points. Opening the bottle to release a creature is a standard action. A binding bottle can hold only one creature and shatters once the creature is released. It has AC 13, 10 hit points, hardness 5, and a break DC of 25.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, greater planar binding, Cost 3000 gp

Taldor

Ok, here goes...
Vambraces of the Second Lesson
Aura strong evocation; CL 15th
Slot wrists; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Closer inspection of these gray woven arm guards reveals the "cloth" to be interlaced threads of iron and adamantine. When both vambraces are donned by a character with a Ki Pool, the powers of the vambraces of the second lesson become available.

Striking the air in front of them as if attacking an imaginary opponent, the wearer may project a line of force. By spending 2 points from their ki pool as a standard action, the character makes an attack against all creatures in a 5ft wide 30ft long line. The attack roll is at the characters highest bonus and rolled once then compared to the armor class of all targets in the area of effect, those targets who are hit by the attack take damage as of struck by of of the wearers unarmed attacks. This is considered a force effect.

Alternatively, the wearer may strike the ground at their feet as a full round action. Spending 2 points from their ki pool to send waves of concussive force through the earth. All creatures standing on the ground within a 20ft radius of the wearer are knocked prone (Reflex DC 22 negates)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, earthquake, magic missle; Cost 12,500 gp

Thank you sir may I have another!

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Hydro

Here's roughly the middle of page 2.

To be clear, I'm an amateur designer, and have no delusions to the contrary. I can't say for sure why an item was rejected and in some cases won't even try to; I'm just providing feedback from my own point of view, so take it all with a grain of salt.

Adventurers Rally Stones

Spoiler:

Phasics wrote:

Thanks in Advance, harsh is better its the only way to improve.

Adventurers Rally Stones
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 13th
Slot —; Price 110’000gp (minimum for complete set of 10), individual stones only worth their value as a cut gemstone; Weight —lbs.
Description
Rally stones are a safeguard against the cardinal rule many groups sometimes break. DON’T SPLIT THE PARTY! During construction a single large gemstone is cut into smaller gems (worth at least 1000gp each). A key phrase to activate the stones is chosen by the caster. As a standard action anyone possessing a stone may speak the activation phrase. All other creatures who are in possession of a stone (e.g. in a backpack/pocket) are immediately teleported to the nearest adjacent square to the creature who spoke the activation phrase. Any creature carrying a rally stone gets no save to avoid being teleported. Because of this quirk, stones are sometimes left in piles of treasure to be taken by unwitting adventures who later find themselves randomly teleported into a very precarious situation. A set of stones can be activated 3 times per day.
Any effect/area/resistance that would prevent Greater Teleport functioning can also prevent a creature being teleported via a rally stone’s effect. A creature who finds and identifies a rally stone can attempt to activate the stone blindly without knowing the activation phrase with a successful Use Magic Device check DC30 and teleport the other stones and the creature possessing them to her, a dangerous proposition, but one that would lead to acquiring a complete set of rally stones and the activation phrase.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, 5 Ranks Craft: Gemstone, Greater Teleport, a Gemstone worth at least 10,000gp, 1 Caster level per smaller gem cut Cost 50’000gp + minimum 10’000gp gemstone

First two sentences are unprofessional and shouldn't be there, and might have gotten you thrown out from the starting line. I mean, yea, it's totally true, but magic item descriptions aren't the place for outright jokes or all-caps sardonic commentary. Admittedly there's kind of a fine line there; I don't think it's evil to slip a cheeky aside into your item if you can pull it off, or to write with some Greenwood-esque dry wit, but your first two sentences read less like something I expect in an item description and more like something I'd see in a forum post. The item itself also suffers from videogame connotations, as others have pointed out.

Groups of 10? That looks like a lot, and what adventuring party wants 6 more stones out there that can be used to jerk them around the map? The cost should probably be per-gem, but even per-gem they should be very expensive. Heck, forget overland travel, these are going to prove very powerful just for mid-combat use. One character can move multiple other characters with only a single action, and parties will abuse this both offensively and defensively. Instead of saying that any effect which stops greater teleport can stop the gems, you could have just added "as the spell greater teleport" to the text above (that's shorthand for "treat this like greater teleport in all ways except when I say otherwise", so it implies that teleport-blocking effects also block the stones). Similarly, learning command words for unknown items is already covered in the Magic Items chapter, and your item doesn't need new rules for it.

I like the thought you've given to the crazy situations these can cause (slipping them into your enemies' possession to kidnap them, or else activating a lost gem with no idea who you're summoning). That kind of devious in-game-thinking leads to some of the coolest items IMO.

Pharaoh's Perapt of Pestilence

Spoiler:

Gelscressor wrote:

Pharaoh's Periapt of Pestilence

Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 11th
Slot neck; Price 110,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This amulet appears to be a necklace made of solid gold, which is clasped by six mummified index fingers. While worn, all diseases spread by the wearer no longer have an onset period and their frequency is halved.

Additionally, the wearer of the amulet can expend one or more charges to augment his diseases. When expending one charge, the wearer can add +2 to the DC of their diseases. When expending two charges, he can halve the frequency of the diseases once more, can empower the effect of the disease (typically increasing its ability damage by 50%) or can have one successful save not add to the amount of consecutive saves needed to cure the disease. When expending four charges, the first attempt to remove the disease always fails (such as through the remove disease spell or a successful heal check); seemingly making the treatment look ineffective. Each enhancement to the disease lasts for 24 hours. Multiple effects can be combined, but the same effect can not be applied more than once. Expending one or more charges takes a swift action. Expending a charge causes one of the mummified fingers to slowly rot off almost entirely; leaving little more than a fingertip clinging onto the necklace and the putrid stench of decay.

A Pharaoh's Periapt of Pestilence has six charges. A single mummified finger regrows every week, allowing the wearer to expend another charge.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Empower Spell, Heighten Spell, contagion, creator must be evil; Cost 55,000 gp.

This is super-niche, yea, and I feel like it does too many things within that nitch-ey space. You have three effects, all of which have completely different (somewhat complicated) mechanics, one of which is redundant with the item's constant effect, and all of which boil down to "your diseases happen faster". This would be okay if we were dealing with, say, attack rolls ("1 charge- +2 damage, 2 charges- +2 attack, 3 charges: double crit range"; all boils down to "you hurt them more"), but attack rolls are more central to the system. One elective way to make your diseases stronger is probably enough for one item.

One direction I might take this item in is to have it boost ANY affliction you cause- that will make a lot more players sit up and pay attention. Another would be to keep one or two of the disease-enhancing effects (probably the 'failed treatment' effect; that's pretty devious), but then come up with a secondary power that does something different-but-complimentary, like giving you some sort of power over creatures suffering from diseases that you've caused, or improving your ability scores as those of your victims deteriorate. In this case I think that all the things you've come up with here are cool, and any could have been one aspect of a superstar item, but there's just too much of the same kind of stuff. Also, yea, super freaking expensive.

Spreading plagues is totally awesome, and niche items aren't bad, but there's less tolerance for multiple similar effects if they all do the same niche thing.

Vow of Silence

Spoiler:

Nergali of Cuthah wrote:

Vow of Silence

Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot Head; Price 53,000 Weight 1lb.

Description

This black leather mask covers the mouth and wraps around the back of the head where two buckles fasten. The phrase “silence is golden,” in bright gold paint, reveals itself along the mouth cover in the absence of sound.

Any creature that puts on Vow of Silence must make a will saving throw DC 13 or become mute. Only creatures who “willingly” fail the save, and become mute, gain benefits from the mask. A creature that takes the save and fails becomes mute but does not gain the benefits of use. An unwilling creature must make a save every round until muted or the mask is removed. Casting break enchantment, greater restoration, miracle or wish restores a creature’s speech. Creatures that willfully used the item and have their speech restored can never reuse the mask, but can become mute in the attempt. The willful wearer of the mask continually gains the effect of a silence spell, but the area of effect is personal. The wearer can hear all incoming noise, but emits no noise to others. The wearer and his gear are not hampered by the silence effect. Every surface the wearer touches in any way is not audible to others. Continual silence takes the form of a special circumstance bonus to stealth +20. Vow of Silence has an AC 16, 2 hit points and hardness of 2. Once per day the wearer can cast silence as the spell.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, silence; Cost 26,500

You caveats on who gains the benefit of the item, how often they have to save or go mute, etc, etc come across as very repetative and pedantic. "Okay, yea, I get it, what happens when it does work?" It looks a little like you kept thinking of new corner cases and adding them to the beginning of the item one at a time, and that having someone else read it aloud might have caught how unwieldy it was getting, but I could be wrong on both counts.

"Any creature that puts on Vow of Silence must make a DC 13 will save every round or become mute. Those who attempt saves against this effect (even if they fail) gain no benefits from the mask, but those who put the mask on and fail their first save voluntarily...."
"Break enchantment, greater restoration, wish or miracle can restore a character's voice, but a character so healed may never again gain the mask's benefits."

The "silence is golden" thing comes across as off-key at first, but when I think about it it's actually very sinister and mocking, like some sadistic overlord made this item for his spies. Which is really cool. I think I would have caught that vibe sooner if the name had been different ("Vow of Silence" makes me think 'monk' or 'religious zealot', and the cheeky quote in gold letters doesn't jive with that IMO).

This item doesn't seem like a particular combat target (any moreso than any other magic item), so I wouldn't have included the combat stats. Silence 1/day is arguably superfluous (I would personally lean towards leaving it out; feels a little tacked on). Pathfinder's abstracted all-senses-in-one "Perception" check (with the concepts of "sight based" and "sound based" intentionally left behind in Beta) means items like this have to walk in shaky rules territory; I don't know if I would have handled it the same way (+20 "Special circumstance bonus"), but there really isn't an easy answer there.

Overall I think this is a cool effect, and I think that the strict requirements for it make it way cooler. It's a niche thing, and some players will hate it, but for those who accept it it will make their character a lot more memorable.

Seekers Eye (submitted version)

Spoiler:

IllyD wrote:

ISeekers Eye

Aura Strong Divination; CL 12th
Slot Eyes; Price 54,000 gp; Weight ---
Description
The Seekers Eye is a crystal lens which hovers in place half an inch from the wearers left eye. The lens has 5 charges, which renew 24 hours after the first charge was used, and can confer the following benefits.

As long has the eye has at least one charge remaining, the wearer can spend a full round action to detect hostile intentions from surrounding creatures within 20ft. By spending extra turns, the radius can be extended to a maximum of 60ft after 3 turns.

As a swift action, the wearer of a Seekers eye can expend a charge to receive one of the following benefits:-

Follow Movement:- The Seekers Eye tracks the movements of its target, allowing you to guess with ease where your opponent will be when you strike. Choose a target within 20ft. Until the end of your next turn, that target is denied his dexterity bonus to his AC. However, this ability does not allow a rogue to deal additional sneak attack damage to its target.

Expose Weakness:- Casting its gaze swiftly over its target, the Seekers Eye reveals the weakest spots in your opponents defences. Choose a target within 20ft. Until the end of your next turn, any shield or armour bonuses that opponent normally receives are halved on all attacks you make against them.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, Analyse Dweomer, True Seeing Cost 27,000 gp

What's an "ISeeker"? A typo?
So.. it looks like the main changes you made were 1.) Ditch the 'detect hostile intentions' effect in favor of a +2 insight to reflex, and 2.) let them deal sneak-attack with Follow Movement. I think the second change was good; somewhat ambivalent on the first. The 'detect hostile intentions' power wasn't a BAD ability, but it wasn't necessary, and I sort of feel the same about the reflex bonus.

I like the way the effects complement each other (if one doesn't help you, odds are the other one does). The visuals aren't bad either. What we've got here are basically divination based combat-goggles (except that a floating scouter-lense is cooler than goggles). The way the charges work seems weird to me at first, but looking up other items with charges/day I think they work the same way, you just chose more specific wording. These look very powerful to me, but 54k is well into "major items" range.

Astonishing Cuff Links

Spoiler:

General Chaos wrote:

Having had a few weeks since submitting, I think I decided it's noticably underpriced (when compared to, say, half the power of Quickened metamagic rod).

Astonishing cuff links
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 10th
Slot bracers; Price 6250 gp; Weight --
Description
These magical cuff links are worn as a pair on shirt or armor cuffs, or in a wristband or bracelet. While both are worn the cuff links assist in hand ‘magic’ tricks through use of a linked magical space, in which items can be placed into and withdrawn from either, providing a +5 bonus to sleight of hand checks. Additionally, two small items or smaller (but no more than two) may be stored within, in an extra-dimensional space, as a move action. The secondary power of the cuff links assists the wearer in activating items as they’re withdrawn. Withdrawing an item is a swift action which also reduces the time required to activate the retrieved item from standard action to a move action, if applicable. A potion would be unstopped, or wand already waved and waiting on activation word.
Construction Craft Wondrous Item, secret chest, cat’s grace, unseen servant; Cost 3175 gp

*edit: Old copy of the item. Updated to what I think I submitted

I quite like this overall. There are issues though; the bit about 'activating an item' is vague. Can I draw a dagger with these and attack with it as a move action? If so I probably would have said something like "a standard action involving the item takes only a move action to complete". If this only helps you activate magic items, on the other hand, you should have said that. I imagine that the biggest issue was indeed the cost; in addition to the free quickdraw and extradimensional storage, you're doing something that's comparable to quickening ANY handheld magic item, and you're doing it AT WILL. Sometimes they let pricing issues slide, but messing with action economy can get scary really quick.

This is very good though. Lots of style combined with some interesting mechanics, and it frames a haste-like effect in a way that really feels right for a sleight-of-hand specialist. If I were a judge I might have pushed to keep this.

The Journal of Pernicious Replication

Spoiler:

ugly child wrote:

Many thanks for this.

The Journal of Pernicious Replication

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.

Description

This unassuming and scuffed journal appears as a log of accounting transactions, such as a store ledger or a tax auditor’s record. Once per day, when this journal is placed in contact with another document and the command word is spoken, the content of the journal changes to that of the document touched. The cover and shape of the journal remain that of the mundane log or ledger. The user may erase (as the spell) all or part of a document they have just copied. This does not allow the copying of scrolls, spellbooks or other magical texts and such text results in garbled content in the journal. The erase effect cannot affect magical text unsuccessfully copied. The journal can copy up to 400 pages of text and illustration before reaching its capacity. Copying a document requires a standard action which does not provoke an attack of opportunity. You may return the journal to its original state by shaking the journal roughly and speaking the command word as a standard action, this removes all copied content from the journal. The journal is favoured by clerks and spies for copying important texts quickly.

Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, erase; Cost 2,500 gp

This is peasant magic; the most likely people to use it aren't adventurers, though adventurers will still find it useful (just as they might find any mundane tool useful). I like it. I think it's especially neat that magical text damage it, which really reinforces the fact that this isn't a hero-calibur item. In fact I think it would be cool if more items like this saw print. But I would be very surprised if an item like this ever got anyone into RPG Superstar. It's just not very heroic and doesn't play around with the rules or mechanics which PCs care most about (though the actual judges' reasons might differ from this; again, amateur, grain-of-salt).

I think this could be cheaper (probably around 1k), but even at 5k I could see mid-level PCs buying it for the convenience.

Circlet of Serpentine Tendrils

Spoiler:

InsideOwt wrote:

Never submitted but would love feedback.

Circlet of Serpentine Tendrils

Aura strong transmutation (polymorph); CL 9th

Slot head; Price 96,000 gp; Weight —

Description

This fine silver circlet depicts many serpents twisted together to form a continuous band. While worn the circlet transforms the wearer’s scalp and hair into a mound of writhing serpents granting her a bonus ‘snake bite’ +1 (1d4 plus poison (Fort DC 11, 1/round for 6 round, 1d2 Con damage; Cure 1 save, Con Based)) melee attack as well as the ‘All-Around Vision’ special ability. In addition to granting a +2 to Perception checks, ‘All-Around Vision’ prevents the wearer from becoming flanked. If blinded the wearer can once again be flanked and looses the bonus to Perception checks.

The +1 bonus on the ‘snake bite’ melee attack and the Fort DC to resist the poison inflicted by the bite increases by +1 for every three levels the wearer gains beyond 1st (4th, 7th, 10th, 13th, etc) to a maximum bonus of +6 and maximum Fort DC of 17. The Con damage of the poison increases by 1d2 at levels 10th (1d4) and 20th (1d6) and at 10th level the cure requirments increase to 2 consecutive saves.

Additionally the wearer receives a +5 monstrous bonus to Intimidate checks against all humanoids. A -5 penalty to Diplomacy and Bluff checks against all humanoids is also applied as a result of the wearer’s monstrous visage.

If the circlet is removed or destroyed all magical effects, bonuses, special abilities and penalties are also removed.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, polymorph (greater); Cost 48,000 gp

Passive voice everywhere. If you submit next year (and you should!), either read up on passive voice, or try to find someone with a good eye for English or a little bit of amateur writing experience to edit for you (you probably know a lot of people who can help you with this). Either way you'll find it's fairly easy to avoid once you realize what you're doing, and your stuff will look SO much sleeker. Also, writing about people's aptitude for English makes me self-conscious, because I know I'm going to stick my foot in my mouth and make some elementary mistake of my own; luckily for me I'm dating one heck of an editor.

Items which make attacks should either let the wearer use his own attack bonus (if it's like a weapon that you use) or should just have a +X bonus to matter who uses them (to make it seem like the item has a mind of its own). You can mix it up a little, like using your base attack bonus plus the item's strength, but there's no reason to create a separate level-based progression. The same goes for the improving poison. It might feel wrong that everything else in the game gets better and your items don't, but really, that's what items are for: things that are just tools to be bought and sold. They don't have to get better because you can just buy better items.

I don't think a monstrous bonus is a real bonus type. Since its from an item, it should probably be one of the basic bonus types, like enhancement. The price looks pretty high to me (even though all-around vision is very useful and hard to get otherwise), and I don't see any reason for it to break when you take it off.

BRACERS OF THE KRAKEN

Spoiler:

cynarion wrote:

Unfortunately I don't have the exact copy of the item I submitted. Had a few things going on at home at the time and I made my final edits in the submission form, but neglected to save a copy. However, this is close.

Bracers of the Kraken
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot wrists; Price 13,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
These metal bracers typically feature an image of a kraken. They are also strangely slippery to the touch.

As a free action, the wearer may use the bracers’ power to extend her arms beyond their normal reach, for a total of up to 10 rounds per day. The 10 rounds need not be consecutive. Activating the bracers has the following effects.

The wearer’s reach extends by 10 feet. The wearer may use this extended reach to touch, pick up or manipulate items that would normally be out of reach, as well as attack foes at a distance with a weapon or touch spell. The wearer takes a -4 penalty on any ranged attack rolls made with her arms extended due to the difficulty of lining up a target when her hands are so far from her body. This extension to reach stacks with any changes to reach due to increased size (e.g. from enlarge person).

The wearer gains an enhancement bonus to her CMB to grapple or trip an opponent of +4. The wearer still needs two free hands to avoid the -4 penalty on the grapple combat maneuver roll. The force with which the wearer’s arms extend is not sufficient to allow her to make a bull rush maneuver.

If the wearer’s arms are extended for more than a single round, her arms are considered to occupy the intervening squares between her and her target and may be attacked in melee and at range as normal.

In addition, the wearer's clothes or armor become slippery as if affected by the grease spell.

Both bracers must be worn for the magic to be effective.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fluid form; Cost 6,600 gp

The package could be a lot tighter. You're just a little too fussy in terms of spelling things out (the bull rush sentence isn't necessary; it's okay to just give a bonus to V and W, you don't have to explain why there ISN'T a bonus to X, Y and Z). Similarly, I think that bonuses to reach stack unless stated otherwise (your note about stacking with enlarge person actually makes this more confusing; are you saying that it doesn't stack with reach weapons, or Lunge, or the aberrant bloodline power?). It may feel like these notes are helpful, but they keep your item from seeming as sleek and elegant as it could be.
The bit about 'occupying intervening squares' opens a can of worms. Nothing else does that, least of all actual krakens. As a DM I might let someone attack a tentacle but I feel like you're reaching beyond the scope of your item.
Try to say "gains a +4 bonus" instead of "bonus of +4". (Sorry if any of these are things you edited out in the final version)
I think that the grease effect was a neat touch. Ironically that's one place where greater elaboration (noting the +10 bonus to avoid grapples) would have actually been helpful, but just referencing the spell is fine. Applying the "10 not-necessarily-consecutive rounds" approach to reach is good here; being able to suddenly lash out up to ten times per day is much more fun than needing a standard action to activate it and then having it last for the duration.

Qadira

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Desert Widows Embrace
AuraStrong Illusion, Faint Necromancy; CL 7
Slot: None; Price: 55000gp; Weight: 1lb
Description
This small copper vial has the likeness of the dangerous Desert Widow lizard engraved upon the outside. The vial appears mostly empty containing only a small amount of the thick, foul smelling liquid. When unstoppered your nose is assaulted by the scent of lingering death. Distilled from the poison of the Desert Widow, a deadly and rare lizard living among the peaks of Mount Osiki, this poison is magically infused during the distillation and the vials enchanted to release a small amount the potion each day at dawn. The Desert Widows Embrace has 3 charges per day and gives the following bonuses; 1 charge grants a +5 Competence Bonus to Stealth for 8 hours, using 2 charges also grants a +1 Profane bonus to AC lasting 4 hours, using all three charges also grants the user Improved Invisibility. Using Desert Widows Embrace requires a standard action, or a full round action to use multiple charges at once, that provokes attacks of opportunity. Unfortunately the potion, while conferring many magical benefits to the user, is deadly and hard to drink, each day when first used the user suffers a 2 point Constitution drain. Trying to ingest more than one sip of the draught in one turn requires a Fortitude Save DC 15, failure means one extra use is spent for the day. To gain the effect of 2 uses the draught can be consumed in 2 rounds as 2 separate standard actions, to gain the effect of 3 uses the draught can be consumed in 3 rounds as 3 separate standard actions, these rounds must be consecutive to gain the benefits.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Items, Desert Widow Poison, Improved Invisibility


Thanks for the feedback guys!

Scales of the Scorpion

Made popular by the famed Chelish gladiator, Scorpios, this fine suit of scale mail was originally commissioned for its owner by Abrogail Thrune herself. Brushing aside rumors of a romance with the Queen, Scorpios retired with an unbeaten record in the arena and now copies of the legendary armor have appeared in his honor.

Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7

Slot armor; Price 38,400 gp Weight 30 lbs

This +1 scale mail is constructed in a style meant to mimic its namesake, the deathstalker scorpion. The plates are colored a dull yellow, the gauntlets shaped like claws, and a huge stinger rises behind the wearer’s head. Besides providing hot weather adaptation (alleviating the need for Fortitude checks), the armor confers two extraordinary abilities. Firstly, in lieu of the wearer’s regular attacks, the wearer may use the armor’s gauntlets as claw attacks (1d6 damage each). Secondly, the stinger can be activated three times a day as a free action, attacking with the wearer’s BAB and dealing 1d6 damage plus poison.

Poison (Ex)

Sting-injury; save Fort DC 14; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d3 Constitution damage; cure 1 save

Construction Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, endure elements, poison; Cost 19,200 gp


Figment of Gnomish Retribution
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 10080 gp; Weight -
Description
These intricately carved statuettes depict gnomish soldiers in various action poses. Art objects today, they were originally created as toys for the many children of a gnome illusionist/artist.
Speaking the command word 'bully' while holding one summons four shadowy, incorporeal, gnome protectors for seven rounds. These protectors surround the summoner in the adjacent compass point spaces. This formation may be rearanged as the summoner's move action at a speed of 20 feet for each soldier. They can also be ordered to stay put as a free action. Otherwise they maintain position relative to the summoner.
The gnomes make attacks of opportunity only, doing so once per round. These are at a +3 bonus dealing 1d6+3 points of nonlethal damage. The gnomes provide flanking, have an AC of 17, 11 hp, and make saves and checks at a +3 bonus. Enemies ending a turn in the same space with one may provoke an attack of opportunity. Gnomes positioned inside solid objects such as walls can only take move actions as already noted. These gnomes are dispelled if the figurine is dropped or broken.
These silver figurines are enameled with vibrant colors unless its sole charge is expended, whereupon they fade to ashen hues. Only a single charge can be used per day, which does not automatically recharge. While other recharging methods certainly exist, immersing one in alcoholic drink shaded from light for 12 hours recharges (and recolors) it, soaking up this shadowed drink equal to its displacement. Beware though as it will continue to 'drink' at this rate so long as it is even partially immersed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration, creator must be a gnome; Cost 5040 gp

My self critique:

I took the kernel of a good idea and cheesed it up too much. I should have read the auto-reject threads before I submitted, but as it was my first year and I came across the contest fairly late, I learned at my own peril. So I had a SIAC-ish item with alcohol and toys... not too smart. I am mostly concerned with feedback for the writing itself, the mechanics and the pricing. Brutal honesty is appreciated


I welcome any and all feedback on my item as this is the second time I have participated in the contest and I would love to improve so that I could possibly make it further next time.

ItemName Vial of Vanishing Smoke
Aura faint evocation, moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 1,200 gp; Weight -

Description
This small glass vial is filled with a pearly white smoke. When the vial is broken, thick white smoke instantly fills a 5 foot cube and acts as obscuring mist except that it disperses after 1 round. Breaking the vial requires the use of a move action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. The user, and only the user, may then teleport as dimension door up to 50 feet. If the user is attempting to move to a spot that she has never seen before, the user must succeed at a DC 15 reflex save or become prone in the intended spot. In addition, any creature within 5 feet of the user is dazzled for 1 round as flare (DC 15 fortitude save negates).

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, dimension door, flare, obscuring mist, empty glass vial; Cost 600 gp

Dedicated Voter 2013

Looking for feedback, hopefully did a better job than last year!

Mask of the Mystic Hunter
Aura moderate divination; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 57,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This strange fleshy mask looks like a flayed human face with many saggy folds of extra skin. The only apertures in its mottled brown surface are for the eyes and the tip of the nose, the mouth is entirely covered in pendulous flaps of skin.
If a creature holds this droopy mask against their face for a minute, it spreads out and fuses with their flesh along the jaw line, or whatever the boundaries of the face are on stranger creatures. Once bonded to a creature in such a way, the wearer gains the scent special ability, and a +5 bonus to Survival checks to track other creatures. The only method of removal is for a creature to pull at the mask for a minute.
The true power of this mask, however, comes in its ability to track magic. The wearer may use detect magic at will and may make Spellcraft checks untrained, receiving a +5 bonus when attempting to identify a spell being cast. In addition, once per day they may begin to track a magical aura of moderate or greater strength as a creature using follow aura (APG pg. 224) tracks an alignment. If the aura was left by a spell they track the caster of that spell, and may continue to do so for 1d6 days after they find the aura. The wearer follows the trace of this aura along the ground as if tracking a scent with the Survival skill. They can only track one such aura at a time.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bloodhound (APG pg. 206), detect magic, follow aura (APG pg. 224), 1 sq. ft. of bloodhound skin; Cost 28,500 gp

Sczarni Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

I honestly know that I did some last minute changes on this item, but I cannot find the copy of the revised version. Thus what is posted, is different then what I posted, even if it is just slightly different.

Shadow Master’s Flute
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 17920 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
This small flute is made of polished black wood with small silver inlays that slowly move and flow over its surface.

This flute’s sound is haunting and seems to echo in the minds of the audience. Its main power is to make shadow and darkness difficult to pass through. Three times per day, with a DC 15 perform: wind instrument check, one square of shadow or darkness can be made into difficult terrain. For every two the DC is passed an additional square can be made difficult terrain to a maximum of six squares.

Additionally, once per day a bard can use his bardic performance to activate another power. For as long as the bard performs the shadows become long tendrils that wrap around any who enter a square of enchanted shadow. Anyone in the effect’s area must make a DC 17 Reflex save. If the save fails, the creature gains the grappled condition, but can break free by making a combat maneuver check or Escape Artist check as a standard action against DC 17. All effected squares are considered difficult terrain. Six squares of shadow can be effected in this way.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration; Cost 8960 gp


This was pulled from an older document, so the formatting and word count may be slightly different than the original entry. Thank you in advance for taking the time to comment.

The Widow's Curse
Aura strong necromancy; CL variable
Slot neck; Price 13,900 gp (collar), 14,500 gp (noose), 15,700 gp (locket); Weight
Description
These items are fashioned in several styles and used for a variety of grim purposes. If worn willingly (including by trickery), the wearer can remove the widow’s curse at any time. If coerced into wearing the item, the victim must make a DC 22 Will save to try removing it. Only one attempt may be made per week.

The widow’s curse pulses with a bitter vengeance. If the wearer is suffering from any injury, they gain a +1 morale bonus to attack rolls.

But its true power becomes apparent upon the wearer’s death. The widow’s curse blackens ominously and the next nightfall, or in 1 hour if it is already night, the spirit of the slain wearer coalesces into an undead creature, as if affected by a create greater undead spell. Its type is determined as follows:

  • Slave Collar - Shadow
  • Hangman’s Noose - Wraith
  • Lover’s Locket - Spectre

The creature forms at the place of the widow’s curse and intuitively senses the location of its killer, as if affected by a locate creature spell. It aches with a soulless need to exact vengeance before this awareness fades, obsessively hunting it’s murderer for up to 13 days. Thereafter, regardless of the outcome, it will return to haunt the location of the widow’s curse until destroyed.

The widow’s curse functions once. Following the wearer’s death the item loses all magic, becoming nothing more than a tarnished item of masterwork quality. The creature spawned from it’s dark magic will follow the item wherever it may be moved.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, create greater undead, geas/quest, locate creature; Cost 6,950 gp (collar), 7,250 gp (noose), 8,050 gp (locket)

151 to 200 of 1,212 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Paizo / Messageboards / Paizo Publishing / RPG Superstar™ / Previous Contests / RPG Superstar™ 2011 / General Discussion / Judges, Please Critique My Item All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.

©2002–2014 Paizo Inc.®. Need help? Email customer.service@paizo.com or call 425-250-0800 during our business hours: Monday–Friday, 10 AM–5 PM Pacific Time. View our privacy policy. Paizo Inc., Paizo, the Paizo golem logo, Pathfinder, the Pathfinder logo, Pathfinder Society, GameMastery, and Planet Stories are registered trademarks of Paizo Inc., and Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Adventure Card Game, Pathfinder Player Companion, Pathfinder Modules, Pathfinder Tales, Pathfinder Battles, Pathfinder Online, PaizoCon, RPG Superstar, The Golem's Got It, Titanic Games, the Titanic logo, and the Planet Stories planet logo are trademarks of Paizo Inc. Dungeons & Dragons, Dragon, Dungeon, and Polyhedron are registered trademarks of Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc., and have been used by Paizo Inc. under license. Most product names are trademarks owned or used under license by the companies that publish those products; use of such names without mention of trademark status should not be construed as a challenge to such status.