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Judges, Please Critique My Item


RPG Superstar™ 2011 General Discussion

751 to 800 of 1,212 << first < prev | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | next > last >>
RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

DigiGirlMimi wrote:
Welkin’s Fury

*...Who's Welkin? Why does his item provide a random effect? Vote to Reject.

*...It's also a Hazard-in-a-Can...along with the randomized effects. Vote to Reject.


Kenneth.T.Cole wrote:
I'm not quite sure how you do it, but if I have a chance I'll try :)

Check the "BBCode tags you can use" spoiler bit under the posting form when you're writing a post -- it'll show you the format for the url tag that the forum wants for links.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32

Kenneth.T.Cole wrote:
Seth White wrote:
Kenneth.T.Cole wrote:

Well then, since it's no problem, can you link all of them? Thanks! :)

I'm not quite sure how you do it, but if I have a chance I'll try :)

I was kidding since that's an insane amount of work, and like someone else mentioned, unnecessary because people can search for them. :)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014

Neil Spicer wrote:

Okay, first, I want to point out one thing. I'm really annoyed by those who "forgot" to keep a copy of their item...or "lost" it since submitting for the contest...etc. I don't mean to single you out here, Enyn. You're not the only one to post here for feedback stating something similar. But...here's where I'm going to wield the whip of chastisement (not a real wondrous item or magic weapon) for a moment.

If you want the judges, the voters, and Paizo to take you seriously with regards to a freelance writing opportunity like that represented by RPG Superstar, you need to start developing the serious habits of a freelance game designer. You should always keep a copy of your work. And you should never misplace it. And if you find yourself in that situation, and then post here for feedback on your item, you should understand that it immediately raises some pretty serious reservations to learn that you haven't applied enough attention to detail to even organize your work so you can find it again and have it on hand to reference as we give you this feedback.

Okay. I got that out of my system. I'm okay now. Really.

Thanks for posting mine Neal! And 6 comments to boot! Thanks for the feedback and this contest was a great learning experience.

I am another one of these. I wish I didn't have to use my work computer which I can't plug a USB into, burn a disk, and most email attachments are blocked. I really don't want to get ripped off paying $80 a month for the wireless internet for my netbook (which I can't take to work) and is slower than dial-up and intermittent (doesn't work from the time I get off until about 2am).

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Teth Evik wrote:

Pixie Bead

Aura faint conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 400 gp; Weight -
Description
This hollow wooden bead is carved in the image of a nutshell. When crushed, a standard action, a pinpoint of light emerges and moves immediately to any one invisible creature within 60 feet and circles the creature, moving with it for the duration of the effect. The presence of the light reveals the location of the creature to anyone able to see it by making a Perception check, base DC 10, but does not affect its concealment. This pinpoint of light provides no illumination, but sparkles brightly enough to be seen clearly from 60 feet in all light conditions except magical darkness, which hides the light. The light lasts for five rounds. If the targeted creature becomes visible or after five rounds have expired, the light dissipates.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Nature's Ally I, ground mica; Cost 200 gp

Thanks for taking the time.

I don't see this entry anywhere in the judges' forum...and I don't remember reviewing it. Did you submit this item or are you simply seeking feedback on something you didn't submit to the contest?

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Snorter wrote:
Cauldron of Remembrance

*...Well, it's kind of a gross SIAC for speak with dead and reincarnate...along with a skill bonus for alchemy and cooking (or, "cookery?"). Some witchy flavor wrapped around this...just not sure that's enough. Leaning to Reject.

*...Agreed. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Joe Wells wrote:
Nexus of Blessed Mists

*...This I like. Doesn't seem abusive, does seem cool and something I could see a lot of Clerics & Paladins digging. Keep.

*...Absolutely, positively a smart, awesome idea. Solid mechanics. Perfect presentation. This is destined for Top 32, I think. Resounding Keep!

*...I guess this is something you use as part of your own channeling ability? Doesn't really say. I guess when you channel through it, it expends the holy water in it? Doesn't really say. Seems weird that the holy water adds a shaken effect, especially when undead are immune to fear. I think this needs one fewer effect, and to use those words on clarifying the remaining effects. Weak reject.

*...I agree this could be much clearer in how it functions. It has bless water as a construction requirement, so I'm confused about why it needs to have holy water added. I think it would actually be cooler if it created the mist, then blessed the mist. But it doesn't seem to require the wielder to be able to channel (even though I think that was the point), nor what happens to the holy water inside once its used. And putting the shaken condition on undead immediately set off alarms in my head. I am generally wary of creating exceptions to things like that, and especially in a magic item instead of a specific exception for one kind of undead, listed in its stats. Weak reject.

*...I don't think this thing makes undead shaken. I do think it's weird that an anti-undead item has a fear effect at all.

Note: This one made the Keep pile and hung around a really long time. In fact, I championed this item as one of my alternates, but ultimately had only one "golden ticket" to spend and selected a different item ahead of it. Two judges really liked this one. Two judges didn't care for it nearly as much. But still, you came very close.

Star Voter 2013

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
I wish I didn't have to use my work computer which I can't plug a USB into, burn a disk, and most email attachments are blocked. I really don't want to get ripped off paying $80 a month for the wireless internet for my netbook (which I can't take to work) and is slower than dial-up and intermittent (doesn't work from the time I get off until about 2am).

It really sounds like you'd have one hell of a time doing any serious work if you can't get internet at one place or files from the other.

I'd suggest looking into some sort of internet-cafe for at home, and google docs for at work. Both are ways to get around what seems to be your issue.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Souphin wrote:
Miniature Token of Second Chance

*...Sloppy English, lack of proofreading kills this one.

*...It's a cool single use, low cost item, but it's just a SIAC that's far too convenient. At higher level, I'd just buy up a hundred of these and use them to negate the whole battle with the BBEG without even needing to take them out of my pocket.

*...Agreed on all counts. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

GreatArcantos wrote:
Boots of time sprinting

*...Not ready for Superstar. Lots of typos and grammar issues. Not all that keen on the item's core idea either. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Wolfboy wrote:
The Pirate Queen's Call

*...125,000 gp for an item that will almost never see use, except in the most dedicated seafaring games. It's functional and written moderately well. And the template was applied (mostly) correctly...except for the italicizing of spell names and lowercase aura. I'm not really thrilled by it enough to champion it for Superstar. Might be worthy of a book of magic items...or, more likely, a supplemental sourcebook on naval combat. As is, I vote to Reject.

*...Plot device, but a good one for a change. Vote to Reject.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014

RonarsCorruption wrote:

It really sounds like you'd have one hell of a time doing any serious work if you can't get internet at one place or files from the other.

I'd suggest looking into some sort of internet-cafe for at home, and google docs for at work. Both are ways to get around what seems to be your issue.

I am currently in Afghanistan, living in a tent. The good part is I got upgraded from a cot to a bed for X-mas! Google docs site is blocked and the firewall prevents up/down loading. My wife is a blessing and sends me my subscription PDFs on a disk once a month. Not nearly as good as opening my white envelope from Paizo. But the disk comes in a box with peach rings and other goodies, so all is not lost...

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Jerett Schaufele wrote:
Dream Siphon of Dark Desires

*...Wow, this one's almost too creative for its own good. I love the concept, but it leaves too many questions up in the air. The first that I encountered was why Desna (CG) and ZK (LE)? They're polar opposites!

*...I believe the designer made that choice because they're polar opposites. His item is trying to explore good dreams (i.e., Desna) and evil nightmares (which he's apparently tied to Zon-Kuthon).

*...there are no game rules for the definition of a daydream or a nightmare, and it seems like an arbitrary decision on *someone's* part (maybe the GM, maybe the player?)

*...I was put off by that, too. I find it interesting that the designer chose to interpret good dreams as only daydreams. I don't know about you, but all my dreams at night aren't nightmares.

*...It then gives two effects that are named and treated almost like spells, neither of which is really worth the cost of the item.

*...Agree on that, too. The mechanic of the "per 2 CR of the source creature" bugs me. Cost-wise, would you really ever get DR 1/-? By the time you could buy this item, you'd only get that if you ran into a bunch of CR 2 creatures...which is unlikely unless the bearer of this item is just running around to find such creatures for a quick metagame boost.

*...Given that a PC isn't necessarily going to know whether it was a dream or a nightmare pulled into the siphon, it becomes almost a random effect item, in that the results of either inhaling or blowing the dream on others is left up in the air. Vote to Reject.

*...Not quite. At least, I didn't interpret it that way. I get the sense that the time of day decides...i.e., if you suck a "dream" out of someone it has to be during the day. It says the item can do this whether the target is awake or asleep. So, presumably, you always get a "daydream" during the day. At night on the other hand, it always comes up nightmare. At least, I assume what the author intended.

*...I don't even feel like the item thematically holds together. What do daydreams (heroic or otherwise) really have to do with granting someone the very real defensive ability of DR #/-...? And nightmares just make people suffer bleed # damage? Every time? I'd be looking for more variability than that in dreams and nightmares. Or go for something more mind-affecting like a heroism vs. demoralize kind of effect. At least that way, it's not a physical manifestation. It's still all in your head.

*...I'm just not all that inspired by it. The designer obviously did a lot of good things in how they followed the template. They can write (mostly) really well. I just think the idea didn't have the 'oomph' necessary for a Superstar item. I have a feeling, however, if given a chance this designer might go on to do great things in later rounds of the competition, because their attention to detail and workmanship is exactly what you want in a freelance designer and an RPG Superstar.

*...I'm going to say I'm a weak Keep at the moment.

*...I would have voted keep if the two effects had been better, and better linked to the subconscious mind. The mechanic of the device is good, the mechanic of the result is boring and not tied in to the source. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Tanner Nielsen wrote:
Phylactery of the Gray Master

*...Vote to reject. I view this as a Cursed Item which is not a Wondrous Item.

*...I agree, it's cursed. It even calls it out as removable like a cursed item.

*...I'm not really sure what "awareness granted through the item corresponds to a Neutral Evil alignment" means... is it presenting actions from a NE point of view? Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Tom Fauntleroy wrote:
Mackilarney’s Mobile Masonry

*...wall of stone-IAC. Vote to Reject.

*...Also, who's Mackilarney? I don't think s/he's Pathfinder canon. If you're going to namedrop, make sure it's a name that means something. Vote to Reject.

*...It's malarky!

*...Agreed. It's a SIAC.

*...I don't mind the name-dropping so much. Folks are just doing that to evoke a little flavor. And there's nothing that says it has to come from Golarion. I believe items have made it into RPGSS before with non-Pathfinder names tied to them. So I don't think we need to penalize anyone for that. Regardless, vote to Reject.

*...Reject, but only because you can move the wall. Up to that point, I was a fan.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

FiddlerJones wrote:
Binding Bottle

*...Can this be used against summoned outsiders? Aren't they usually set free when "slain" or reduced to 0 hit points? What if an outsider is already under the effects of a binding spell or planar ally spell? Does this bottle override that? It seems kind of cheap (6,000 gp) for what it can do. But I don't know. Maybe I'm not seeing this thing clearly.

*...I think it's a 100% heal for my 16HD summoned outsider for just 6K. Vote to Reject.

*...No save? No thank you. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Lucklessone wrote:
Vambraces of the Second Lesson

*...Someone's a big fan of anime. The designer didn't proofread their entry as they've got an extra "of" in place of a "one" or "all"...I can't tell. Not sure I want to champion this thing. Leaning to Reject.

*...It's a weapon masquerading as a wondrous item. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Rejected.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Weaponbreaker wrote:
Desert Widows Embrace

I'm not finding this item among this year's submissions. It does appear that it was submitted back in 2009, however. But I'm not able to pull up the judges' feedback on it from the archives.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Modulok wrote:
Scales of the Scorpion

*...This is armor, not a wondrous item, autoreject.

*...Yep. Fails to follow the rules of the contest. Auto-reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Zalaster wrote:
Figment of Gnomish Retribution

*...I don't have a real strong feeling about this one. I'm automatically comparing it to a horn of valhalla which costs a lot more (50,000 gp), but these shadow gnomes only take AoO's...which seems a bit odd. The wording breaks down in a few places, too, when describing gnomes that materialize inside stone walls, etc. Maybe it's just me, but the stats for the four gnomes seem a little low for the level at which you'd need to be to buy this item (i.e., they wouldn't last long against anything).

*...It's kind of an interesting idea, but it isn't really breaking any new ground. The mechanics of it seem a bit off. The wording isn't as tight as I'd wish it to be. And I didn't care for the uniqueness of the backstory all that much. Vote to Reject.

*...The adjective form of "gnome" is "gnome." The language of gnomes is "Gnome," with a capital G. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 , Star Voter 2013

Neil Spicer wrote:
Joe Wells wrote:
Nexus of Blessed Mists
Note: This one made the Keep pile and hung around a really long time. In fact, I championed this item as one of my alternates, but ultimately had only one "golden ticket" to spend and selected a different item ahead of it. Two judges really liked this one. Two judges didn't care for it nearly as much. But still, you came very close.

You have absolutely made my day, Neil. Thank you very much.

Also: Holy cats, you are jamming through these. Rock on, Neil.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

NeoDaitou wrote:
ItemName Vial of Vanishing Smoke

*Ninja smoke! Ha! Kinda quirky. It's one of those items you'd kind of expect to be a staple in the game or something. A scroll of dimension door would run you 700 gp alone. So, a 1,200 gp vial that enables that kind of movement with the added flare and obscuring mist is probably fine from a pricing standpoint.

*...The designer also did a great job following the template...except for the ItemName and that darn, nagging, annoying "Craft Wonderous Item" feat. SMASH! /rant

*...Core idea works though. It's a SIAC with flavor and flash (yeah, pun intended). Might be worth keeping around even if it gets sorted out before making Top 32. Weak Keep.

*...I like it too. It's rough around the edges (real rough) but like you say, so obvious I'm surprised it hasn't been done to death. Useful, cheap enough for low level PCs to use, no uber effects. Wonderous. Weak keep.

*...*shrug* I'm meh on it. I see your points, just not feeling strongly either way.

*...I'm gonna say that's worthy of going into the Keep pile then. Even if it gets weeded out, the author might take some hope and inspiration by claiming he at least made it that far in the evaluation.

*...I'll echo the initial "meh." We've all seen this many times, and I don't think that adding the dazzling effect and possible failure to land enough to make it more than just wondrous item ninja smoke. The author's obvious struggle with the template gives me further pause, as does the failure to capitalize any of the Saves. Weak reject but mostly because I'm too meh on the whole thing to commit to keeping it around.

*...I'll come off the fence and say...weak keep. It's a SIAC, but it has style. (Also... razzin frazzin move action-activated items!!!)

Note: This item hung around in the Keep pile until the very end, but you had too many missteps to make the Top 32. Practice your presentation and proper use of the template.

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Adventure Path, Maps, Tales Subscriber
Neil Spicer wrote:
verdigris wrote:
Threads of Discourse
judges' comments

Thanks, Neil. I've already learned a lot by reading the other items, but reading the judges' particular comments for my item was even more helpful. There is a lot in there to work on for next year.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

vagrant-poet wrote:
Mask of the Mystic Hunter

*...No. In so many ways. Presentation falls flat on its face with the italicized descriptive text, references to the APG and specific page numbers, and unnecessary material component in the construction requirements.

*...The idea falls flat on the gross description. A fleshy mask of flayed human skin with many saggy folds of extra skin. Ewww. Gross factor tripped.

*...Mechanics are boring. SAK. Scent-Ability-in-a-Can...+5 bonus to Survival (tracking) checks....detect magic at will...untrained Spellcraft checks with a +5 bonus to identify spells...and some weird magic tracking ability because, you know, when you cast a spell, you still leave magical residue on yourself that a magical bloodhound mask can follow...just because. Vote to Reject.

*...I grump about items with "hunter" in the title because I don't initially know if they mean it as a noun or a verb..."mask of the hunter of mystics"..."mask of the hunter who is a mystic"...Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

ugly child wrote:
Neil you are a machine. :)

I'm mostly just trying to get feedback into the hands of folks who have waited for awhile...and give hope to those at the far end of the list. Also, I wasn't sure when Sean or Mark would have a chance to come back and finish. So, I set aside my usual in-depth feedback to pick up where they left off. I believe I'm up to page 5 now.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Neil Spicer wrote:
ugly child wrote:
Neil you are a machine. :)
I'm mostly just trying to get feedback into the hands of folks who have waited for awhile...and give hope to those at the far end of the list. Also, I wasn't sure when Sean or Mark would have a chance to come back and finish. So, I set aside my usual in-depth feedback to pick up where they left off. I believe I'm up to page 5 now.

I just wanted to say that this feedback is extremely useful for at least two reasons; one: it provides critiquing of items for all to read and glean from that as they will and two: it demonstrates that each and every item sent in was critiqued thoroughly on its own merit, and only rejected out of hand if it actually broke the rules of the contest, such as not being a wondrous item.


Ian Eastmond wrote:

Wow Kenneth.T.Cole, major kudos to you for compiling all of that data, much appreciated and admired!

Contrary to what I wrote, I believe that the opinion of anyone who has the guts to share any personal idea in a public forum (especially this place, which has become something of a cyber-sanctuary to me), "professional" or not, is just as valuable as the opinion of any of the RPG Superstar judges or anyone else who I may have thought "matters". Implying that anyone else is less important than I am in any way is one of the...

Well. . . since you asked so nicely. . .

I am not sure if I am actually a good judge (some of the Items the real judges liked, I did not, and vice versa), but I'll give it a go.

I def like your idea.
But I agree with Seabyrn that your item is trying to do too much.
One of the things I have been picking up from the pros is that we need to make it tight and focused. I think they would use the work "unfocused" for this.

I think you should have gotten rid of 2 of the 4 abilities in the middle paragraph. Maybe focused on the breathing underwater and speaking a language. Not sure I like the gill slits for breathing tho. Maybe it should be done "magically" by needing to breath through the conch itself (same with speaking one of the languages) (???)

I like the chitonous growth idea as well. But I think it may lead to some questions. You say they they form all over the body but does that mean the clothing or armor, or only over the skin?

I also believe the pros may mention some grammatical errors. Make sure you use commas between more than one adjective. This happens several times. I would also have used the word "yet" or "but" instead of the word "and" before the "hard as steel".

Some of this is minor of course, but in this competition. . . .
I do think you have some creativity in you however. Don't give up.

Would you please let me know what you think of mine (as well as anyone else reading this and willing to do so), and be absolutely honest in your critique. Thanks!

The Book of Beast and Brute:
THE BOOK OF BEAST AND BRUTE
Aura ; CL th
Slot —; Price 25,000 gp; Weight
DESCRIPTION
This slight, leather-bound notebook, is the size of a small spellbook. Inside are 3d6 pages of thin and translucent paper. If one is removed, crumpled, and the command word spoken followed by the elvish name of a monster or beast of 1st level from the summon monster or natures ally charts, it grows and metamorphoses from that paper within one round. This can only be accomplished by the person who ripped out the page, and if within 60 feet of the paper. Neither the paper, nor the created creature, has to be within visual or aural range of the user. The creation has the appearance of parchment, yet retains all characteristics of its original type. It will obey the user as if summoned. Any fire related damage inflicted upon it is doubled. Removing more pages, crumpled together, allows for a higher level creature to be produced, one level per page. For each level the creature is over the user’s level, there is a 15% chance it will turn on the user. Each creature lasts for 14 rounds, or until “killed,” at which point it harmlessly explodes in a cloud of confetti. As long as a page is left, any creature(s) can be made permanent by folding the book’s covers backwards, breaking the binding, and thereby destroying it’s magical properties. If the paper is enclosed in a space smaller than the created creature, it applies 2d6 points of damage per level to the enclosure as it transforms. If this was unsuccessful, it returns to its paper form, now useless. Rippling and crumpling a page takes 1 round. A crumpled paper can be successfully thrown no more than 30 feet.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, passwall, transmute metal to wood; Cost 12,500 gp

Star Voter 2013

Neil Spicer wrote:
I grump about items with "hunter" in the title because I don't initially know if they mean it as a noun or a verb..."mask of the hunter of mystics"..."mask of the hunter who is a mystic"...Vote to Reject.

I had said the same thing in the other thread. [/needless pride] ;)

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

Neil Spicer wrote:
Cydeth wrote:
Gauntlets of Deep Earth

*...Tight design and really followed the format and template really well.

*...it's very SIAC and SAK. Not sure this is Superstar mojo on the creativity scale.

*...Really not feeling this one. While the design seems tight, it is very SIAC and SAK, and thematically, I'm not so sure all the abilities really fit together.

*...I vote to reject, as I can't see this beating all but 31 other items.

*...What's with the 80 minutes thing?

*...This is for solo adventurers who don't have a wizard who can cast the right buffs, right? So its a WIAC more than a SIAC...

*...Rejected.

*nods* About what I expected after a LONG while of thought. Actually, I'm surprised it was well regarded as it was. I definitely agree with most of the comments, and all I'll say is that I chose to tie the duration to the Caster Level of the item and use the lesser duration of the spell effects involved.


Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

I am currently in Afghanistan, living in a tent. The good part is I got upgraded from a cot to a bed for X-mas! Google docs site is blocked and the firewall prevents up/down loading. My wife is a blessing and sends me my subscription PDFs on a disk once a month. Not nearly as good as opening my white envelope from Paizo. But the disk comes in a box with peach rings and other goodies, so all is not lost...

Whoa! That's dedication.

Of course, I assume you are not on a camping trip. . .

Stay safe. I hope the only danger you experience is in Golarion while playing Pathfinder with some of your buddies (if you are able to).


Neil Spicer wrote:
Marc Chin wrote:
Paranoid Charm

*...Wow. Messed up mechanics on this one...or, perhaps more appropriately, the description of them.

*...This thing would be a mess to adjudicate in an actual game. It makes the GM's job harder.

*...I'm not sure if it makes the GM's job harder, but it certainly makes someone's. Whoever is keeping track of it all, he'll have a heck of a time.

*...Even if the mechanics were better conceived, the concept of the item is pretty meh.

*...What's an "enchantment bonus"?

*...Rejected.

Again, much thanks for all of the effort posting the feedback, Neil.

Not being a writer, I've learned a lot this RPGSS cycle about the differences between solid rules-fu GMing, good writing, and combining both; I may have to take a writing class before trying again next year!

My gratitude to all the other entrants as well - our items might be flawed to various degrees between almost there to I'd never use this, but we've built a storehouse of neat ideas to incorporate into each others' games until RPGSS 2012!


Doesnt that just figure, My items on page six and he stops at page 5.....lol.....kidding.

You are really working hard to get the reviews out and I know I really appreciate it and Ive learned a lot from reading the feedback for the other items.
Thanks!

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Maps Subscriber
Neil Spicer wrote:
FallofCamelot wrote:
LACE FAN OF THE VIGILANT COURTIER
Judges comments

Many thanks Neil, you are a star.

I am quite gratified to find out that my own self criticism was pretty much accurate on this one. The devil is in the details and there just wasn't enough clarity in the item to pass muster.

I resolve to do better next time!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Star Voter 2013 aka Electric Monk

Neil Spicer wrote:

Torc of Totemic Form:

Hymenopterix wrote:

*...Kind of intriguing in a couple of ways to me. One, you know those times when you find an item that just lets you polymorph into a bat (i.e., a cloak of the bat)? Or some other singular animal totem. And yet, your character doesn't especially identify with that animal, so he or she isn't really interested in using that magic item. So, you sell it and use the gold on something else. What I like about this item is that it adapts to the user. And it levies an interesting mechanic (i.e., alignment paired with highest mental attribute) to determine what your animal "avatar" will be. Flavor-wise, I think that's cool.

*...the notion of shielding the wearer against baleful polymorph by changing that spell to simply force the wearer into the animal form provided by the torc is a fairly interesting defense.

*...There are, however, two things I don't like about this item. One, the animal doesn't change if the wearer changes alignments (I think it should). And two, the item can't be used if stolen from someone. You have to kill them before you can make the power your own. I don't care for that.

*...I'm kind of on the fence with this one. What say the rest of you?

*...This designer is a fox furry. Or some other kind of furry.

*...This item is weirdly about controlling, not about change. It's about locking in an alternative animal form, and ensuring that nobody will take that control away (since PCs rarely really "die" anymore).

*...Had this item been more flexible (attunement not death required to use it, shape fixed by runtime alignment/ability score, etc), I think it would have been Superstar. As it is, it's a custom one-off answer to a person-specific peeve. Vote to Reject.

*...I'll come off the fence and say this one just doesn't have enough mojo to convince me to support it.

*...Rejected.

Wow,.. Thanks for the great feedback - Have to say that i'm VERY happy to have got so many positive comments :)

Just to address particular points..

Changing form when alignment changes - Yeah i wasn't sure about this, actually added this bit in at the last minute (doh!)

The designer is a furry? - NO, a thousand times no! - Just a Biology geek, not into anthropomorphic stuff AT ALL!

Attunement would have been a much better idea than death to use. I added this so that a party couldn't simply swap the item around between PCs depending on the situation but a day or two to attune would have been equally effective and better! (Wasn't about making sure no-one'd take it off you).

Thanks again for the feedback - you guys are amazing for providing this to contestants! You've made my day!

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

CalebTGordan wrote:
Shadow Master’s Flute

*...Hmmm. It's a decent idea. The mechanics seem a bit busted, though...particularly the grappled thing. It may be a DC 17 Escape Artist check to get out, but what about your CMB vs. its CMD?

*...Presentation is mediocre ("effected" vs. "affected," etc.)

*...This is an item that could probably do well if revised and resubmitted next year. As is, I vote to Reject.

*...Would keep with better mechanics. Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Hatdance wrote:
The Widow's Curse

*...So...let me see if I've got this straight. For somewhere between 13,900 gp and 15,700 gp, you get an item that will give you a +1 morale bonus on attack rolls...but only if you're wounded. And that's pretty much it. Because any power this item provides after that only happens if you're dead. That's lame on so many levels.

*...The rest of these item's abilities are all based on exacting vengeance on someone. It's a Revenant-in-a-Can without the revenant. Instead, we get an elaborate "might be a shadow, might be a wraith, or might be a spectre" depending on how much effort went into crafting it. Who would bother? Who would even willingly want themselves to be raised as one of those undead creatures...who only gets 13 nights to slay its killer before being forced to go back and haunt the location of the widow's curse forever more thereafter? Doubly lame.

*...Additionally, I don't even really like the writing behind this item either. It's very unclear in its description as to what it is. Only under the "Slot" do we see that it can be a collar, a noose (?!), or a locket. It also has some very confusing language around whether it's worn willingly or forced on someone. And I don't see the increasing "value" behind the different types of undead it can raise you as. Vote to Reject.

*...Item is a plot device.

*...Name has nothing to do with its powers.

*...Vote to reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Roman wrote:
Sun of Valor

*...Eh...I really hate that last paragraph about the sun moving toward "potentially hostile creatures." How does it determine "hostile"...? Based on alignment? About to make an attack? Made rude remarks about your mama? Starting attitude of Hostile? This is too open-ended.

*...I think the item's best abilities are the floating sun for daylight and the blinding channeling bit. So, there's a seed of good idea in there. I'm just not sure the designer properly shined it up and showcased it. It's just not quite there yet. I'm going on record with a vote of weak Reject.

*...The other sun/channel item is a much better candidate. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Harker Wade wrote:
The Blooded Stone of Brotherhood

*...Meh. I don't really care for the brotherhood effect of this item...or the mechanics of the hit point sharing thing.

*...I dislike the lead off quote.

*...I don't see why cutting yourself to activate the stone inflicts Con damage. Why wouldn't it just be hit points instead? It's not like the stone is asking you to donate a pint of blood. It's just a cut. At any rate, vote to Reject.

*...The author is trying to make this sound better written than they are capable of actually writing. Agree with you on all counts. Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

jlord wrote:
Crystalline Orb of the Sun and Moon

*...Is an item that helps you defend against darkness and light spells really all that innovative or interesting? I mean, sure, maybe if you're facing dark folk or tieflings and have no other means of countering their annoying darkness abilities, I could see this coming into play in a meaningful way. But I'm also put off by the notion that the "moon" version absorbs darkness and "appears to be a miniature...moon" and yet "this does not give off illumination" even though it makes the orb visible. Huh? If it's a miniature moon, and it's visible, it's got to be putting out some kind of light.

*...I think I'd have more important things to spend my 6,000 gp on on...Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Curtisin wrote:
Asmodean Signet

*...A helm of comprehend languages and read magic does this and more, and for less money.

*...I'm not feeling the devil Diplomacy angle anyway. It's too setting specific without really capturing something precise enough about the setting. Sure, House Thrune is Golarion, but it's one of the "broad strokes" definitions of the world. If something is going to be tied to Golarion, I want to see it show that the author really knows the world, and not just the ruling family of one of the biggest nations in the setting.

*...this ring makes adventuring easy. "Well yes, Mr. Adventurer, I am a pit fiend whose sole purpose is to devour meek little souls like yours. But you've got that ring on, so I'll just go about my business unless you tick me off." Vote to Reject.

*...You boil this down without the flavor and it's just a comprehend languages SIAC with a little more favorable situation for Diplomacy checks against devils. Meh. I don't know about you, but the amount of times I wind up needing the comprehend languages spell in a game is pretty slim. Same goes for negotiating with devils. Not a very inspired item. How is that Superstar? And, the designer comes across as just a major fan of all things Cheliax. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

joshua pavlisko wrote:
Stygian Fiddle

*...Evocative name, but falls flat in the execution. I am particularly confounded by the connection between Stygia (a layer of Hell), Pharasma, and undead, none of which would really work together in any way I can figure out.

*...the cost/price don't work out right. Vote to Reject.

*...Neutral - will go with the group decision.

*...I agree that the inclusion of the Golarion elements with Pharasma fell completely flat. Why would she ever bless (or approve of) an item that grants undead a haste ability? I could see slow and temporarily making them susceptible to mind-affecting effects. But this is an example of when not including Golarion lore is better.

*...My other concern is the escalating Perform DC based on the number of undead to be affected. That just feels like a weird mechanic to me.

*...also agree the cost is off. I'm left wondering if the designer was trying to add in some masterwork musical instrument component for some reason.

*...also leaning Reject.

*...Rejected.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Keldan Marr wrote:
Saurian Choker

*...Are they extinct or not?

*...Mostly duplicates another magic item.

*...Why is the expendable part of the item limited in times per day? Something like a necklace of fireballs doesn't tell you how often you can use it.

*...Why does it have CL 11 but the three variants have different durations using entirely different caster levels?

*...Vote to Reject.

*...Eh. It's mildly interesting. You strip off the flavor and dinosaur theme and it pretty much boils down to an amulet of natural armor that can also let you change shape into a dinosaur three times before depleting its magic.

*...I don't really care for the three versions of the item. This is a case where sticking with one and saving the words about the other versions to enhance your individual idea would have been better.

*...the underlying item might be good enough for a book of magic items, but it needs more oomph to have the mojo for Superstar.

*...Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Mr. Swagger wrote:
Spirit Catchers

*...Are people anticipating the need for lots of incorporeal undead clashes? I know Carrion Crown is coming up, but please.

*...The notion that the gauntlets themselves (and the user's body) are the only things that can affect incorporeal creatures is refreshing. At least it doesn't stack ghost touch on your melee weapons.

*...Even so, this is kind of a bare bones item. Is 12,000 gp worth it to be able to affect ghosts and shadows with combat maneuvers? I just don't see it as Superstar. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Vote to Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Schadenfreude wrote:
Intellect Syringe

*...Bit of identity crisis here. The designer called it Memory Syringe in the header, but Intellect Syringe in the text.

*...The use of the term "extract" has meaning for the alchemist class, yet I don't get the sense that's what this item is necessarily about.

*...The idea behind this thing is kind of interesting. But, the new sub-system on draining skill ranks and treating their loss as temporary ability damage is pushing the envelope in ways I don't like that much.

*...The Intelligence draining thing I can handle a little better, but not at this price. A headband of vast intelligence +4 is a lot more expensive than 7,000 gp. Granted, this syringe necessitates robbing from others to gain that bonus. But, how difficult would it really be to fool those with Int 6 from cooperating. Or, do you really want to incent PCs to restrain others to gain this bonus?

*...I'm not really a fan of this one. Maybe some of you feel otherwise? But I'm leaning to Reject.

*...Plot device. Underpriced. "Humour" me and reject this...

*...I love puns....I don't love this item, and agree with existing comments.

*...we don't "damage" skills like this, it would have weird cascading effects on skill-related rules ("sorry, you have 0 ranks in that and you can't use it untrained").

*...it doesn't say what kind of action it is to use this, and whether it provokes AOOs.

*...you could use this every day to transfer Int for far less gold than an appropriate Int headband. The "penalty" of robbing someone else's Int isn't a penalty if you're evil or a brain-eating monster.

*...Reject, obviously.

*...Rejected.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

VonWalther wrote:
Pilgrim’s Fetish

*...Meh. SAK of some SIAC effects and other stuff.

*...The summoning of that many lantern archons (along with everything else) probably outstrips the price of 1,500 gp selected for this item. I'd be curious to know how they went about pricing it.

*...I'm also not in love with the mechanic of how the prayers maintain that ability. Some interesting thoughts and creativity went into this thing, but it's not ready yet. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Roidrage wrote:
Boggard Bag

*...Wow. A Monster's-Tongue-in-a-Can...or bag, as it were. And an annoying little pilferer it would be.

*...This designer also doesn't know how to properly present DCs in the course of describing an item's mechanics.

*...Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

valliss wrote:
Pipe of Bubbles

*...No. Just...no. Serious failures across the board. Vote to Reject.

*...Aw, c'mon. Don't you remember how much fun you had blowing bubbles outta a pipe as a kid? And I thought you had a heart...

*...I can also remember spilling the whole bottle of soapy liquid and ruining the continuation of a great day of chasing bubbles. I believe this designer has metaphorically "spilled the bottle" as well.

*...So, I take it you're also on the Reject bandwagon here? Or are your childhood memories leaving you conflicted?

*...Reject - makes adventuring easy. Mechanical problems with description. Item is a joke.

*...Popeye meets Glinda.

*...Rejected.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

GrubLord wrote:
Hood of the Geomancer

*...I was getting into this item with the description and then it lost me with the poor mechanical choices. Adding the earth descriptor to every spell the geomancer casts...and stacking all those extra enhancements based on the more spells they cast is just madness.

*...They had good initial idea for the item. Went off the rails once they selected its powers. Mechanical execution breakdown. Decent writing. Good presentation.

*...Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Heimdall wrote:
Blessed Antoillier

*...Very expensive item for what amounts to a faster and more productive natural healing rate. You could buy up a ton of cure wands for that price. Vote to Reject.

*...I don't know....The ability to rest even in a harsh winter storm, or while plagued by mites in the middle of a swamp might be worthwhile. This is an item with a meaningless slot though. You'll only wear it at night. Is "natural environment" a defined Pathfinder term, or is it up to the DM to decide what "natural" is? I'm a (very) weak keep on this item.

*...meh, this one seems boring to me. Covering a sleeping bag in antler velvet doesn't make it not camping gear. I'm also not fond of the strange non-harvesting construction requirement. Why can't I get the antlers from Bambi's mom when I shoot her? (trick question) Weak reject.

*...Strange construction requirements, and too much gold for better rest-healing. Vote to Reject.

*...Rejected.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

RJorb wrote:
Mask of Two Faces

*...Why? Reject.

*...Annoying. This is designed by someone who likes using disguise self a bunch to mimic a specific person to infiltrate or frighten people. They just want an easier way to pull that off by plucking the exact face of the person they need to mimic everytime they encounter an uncooperative guard or someone they want to Intimidate. Vote to Reject.

*...Rejected.

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