1001 Ways to Annoy Your DM


Gamer Life General Discussion

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I saw this on another forums a couple years back, and figured Id start it up here. Apologies if this is already going someplace, as I didnt look first lol, or if this is the wrong place to put it.

1) Emailing a list of 1001 ways to annoy your DM out to the other members of your party, so everyone can review it before the next game session.
2) When in a dungeon, throw a small stone 5' in front of you to check for traps. No trap? Pick it up. Repeat.

Now, add to the list!

Liberty's Edge

Do not meddle in the affairs of DMs, for they are subtle and quick to anger.


4) Cheat (this should be number one)
5) Argue with him/her.
6) Miss vital information because you weren't paying attention, then blame the DM for it.


realise that when the DM runs ANY canned module that experianced players can guess that theirs going to be in some order undead,aberations and dragons.
Simply because game designers keep recycling those old standards again and again.
I couldn't guess what we would be faceing when he was makeing the adventure up whole cloth but now that he's back to canned it's undead, abberations and dragons.

monstrous humanoids are for the lower levels but by the time your color spray stops working the gnolls and goblins just disappear to be replaced by said undead,abberations and dragons. How about a little originality and have a aberant dragon or and undead aberation? Undead dragons are pretty much just realms stuff, too high for anywhere else.

thats how you annoy your DM, trust me I'm an expert at being annoying.

Liberty's Edge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

8) Haggle with shopkeepers. ASk if they have an adventurers discount. Ask where you could get coupons.

9) Get all the details. ALL OF THEM.

DM- "The forest is quiet and the trail continues to the left. Around you there are small forest creatures doing thier fall activities. Toward the..."

PC- "Are there squirrels?"

DM- "Erm yes, I guess so..."

PC- "Exactly how many?"

DM- "You can see maybe a dozen or so."

PC- "So precisely 12 squirrels?"

DM- "Um, yes... 12."

PC- "Can I determine the gender?"

10) Tell the DM that you want to act out your character sleeping.


11) Insist that you shouldn't be forced to use a Reduce Person potion bought with your hard-earned cash to escape through that little tunnel which is the only way out.

Sczarni

12. play an artificer.

13. play a beguiler with mindsight

14. abuse Leadership.

15. use really tiny dice. alternatively, use REALLY BIG dice

16. smell bad.

17. eat all the pizze, drink all the Dew, etc.

18. try to headshot the BBEG while he's monologuing.

19. successfully pull off the above, especially with an openly rolled nat20.

20. use her dice, and get them covered in cheetos cheez, bbq sauce, or honey.

21. research spells like "Mass Shrink Item" "Really Big Floating Disk" or similar.

22. invest heavily in golems, then use them


23) Constantly and incessantly trying to get in the bed of that sexy female NPC who is modeled from his little secret fantasies.


psionichamster wrote:


18. try to headshot the BBEG while he's monologuing.

19. successfully pull off the above, especially with an openly rolled nat20.

+1


20. Get drunk (RL) and try to [censored] the female monsters.

21. Cast Divination & Commune before making any in game decision.


22. Ignore him and start your own game on the side.

23. Make fun of his fat body.


24. Make a big deal out of an obviously trivial detail and continue to pursue said detail, derailing the actual plot by doing so if possible.


25. Show up.

26. Play your character.

Shadow Lodge

Lathiira wrote:

25. Show up.

26. Play your character.

My vote fore best post in the thread is currently for Lathiira.

They remind me of.. well, me! :D

27. Figure out all of the complex puzzles he/she took hours creating in less than 2 minutes. Total.


28. Metagame


One from a recent session:

29) Ask about the hinges on a door when the GM isn't a carpenter but the player is.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder PF Special Edition, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
TheDisturbed1 wrote:

ers of your party, so everyone can review it before the next game session.

2) When in a dungeon, throw a small stone 5' in front of you to check for traps. No trap? Pick it up. Repeat.

That's a trivial thing to deal with. After all if the party is proceeding that slowly, that means TONS of random monster checks. After all the monsters know where they have to be careful and where they can just go all out.

The Exchange

LazarX wrote:
TheDisturbed1 wrote:

ers of your party, so everyone can review it before the next game session.

2) When in a dungeon, throw a small stone 5' in front of you to check for traps. No trap? Pick it up. Repeat.

That's a trivial thing to deal with. After all if the party is proceeding that slowly, that means TONS of random monster checks. After all the monsters know where they have to be careful and where they can just go all out.

That and the fact that a 'small stone' isn't going to be heavy enough to set off a trap. A stone that is heavy enough to set off a trap is going to make a hell of a racket as you toss it every 5 feet.

Sovereign Court

Wolfthulhu wrote:
That and the fact that a 'small stone' isn't going to be heavy enough to set off a trap. A stone that is heavy enough to set off a trap is going to make a hell of a racket as you toss it every 5 feet.

Ugh, that would make it take 6-12 days to explore a single hex. in good weather.

Ick.


keep it comin peeps, this is great for my secret book :1001 ways players may try to annoy gm's and how to jam them back :), if you tell all your secrets now i will be ready mwhahhahaha

The Exchange

Jess Door wrote:
Wolfthulhu wrote:
That and the fact that a 'small stone' isn't going to be heavy enough to set off a trap. A stone that is heavy enough to set off a trap is going to make a hell of a racket as you toss it every 5 feet.

Ugh, that would make it take 6-12 days to explore a single hex. in good weather.

Ick.

I can't believe you actually did that math.

.
.
.
.
Wait...

Ok, I do believe it. :-/

Sovereign Court

Wolfthulhu wrote:
Jess Door wrote:
Wolfthulhu wrote:
That and the fact that a 'small stone' isn't going to be heavy enough to set off a trap. A stone that is heavy enough to set off a trap is going to make a hell of a racket as you toss it every 5 feet.

Ugh, that would make it take 6-12 days to explore a single hex. in good weather.

Ick.

I can't believe you actually did that math.

.
.
.
.
Wait...

Ok, I do believe it. :-/

hehe. Being a math geek comes in handy while DMing, let me tell you! Rules lawyering can be convenient too...as long as you're flexible enough to not have to grind the game to a halt when you're a little unsure of a rule. :)

Oh. Hm. Topic.

30) Wait until all the other characters are created, insisting you'll pick whatever will round out the group best - then create the character type that is most likely to derail the game, given the other characters (Cheliax slave trader if someone picks paladin, Kleptomaniac, nonviolent philosopher in a party of barbarians...)


31) Be paranoid about everything to the point that the game itself is an exercise in countering every move the DM makes. NPCs are either all drooling idiots, assassins with more levels than you, or, if they are merchants, cheating you at every turn; every route you take is "unfairly" frought with danger(only uneducated peasants suffer from random encounter rolls- animals/monsters should avoid a clearly well-armed and loud party!); traps must(not should- MUST) be easily avoided by running a herd of goats down the path in front of you(unless you are the one who makes them, in which case the enemies MUST fall into them), every item the DM "gives" the party is either trapped or horribly inconvient because you KNOW the DM is going to have it break/activate/summon enemies at an inopportune moment(alternatively, NPCs who join the party are going to betray/steal from/poison every member of the party at the first opportunity); etc.


32.) Show up without implements of inscription. Really ? Ok - I'll keep notes ... you don't want me to keep your notes ...

33.) Show up without a set of your own dice. Leave yer mits offa mah DICE!!

34.) Play a character that you (the player) steadfastly refuse to wrap your brain around the abilities of. Note that this excludes nublets.

35.) Always play the same gender/race/class combination in every campaign. "Oh look ... so-and-so is playing ... a dwarf fighter/cleric ... again ... zzzZZZzzz ... "

36.) Show up without your character, then insist on "playing from memory". Uh huh - wanna try that again, torchbearer?


#37: Show up claiming that you're prepared. Five minutes before the session starts, suddenly 'remember' that you still need to make your character. This is especially annoying for a higher level game.

#38: Never refer to an NPC by name, especially the ones who have obviously had a lot of effort put into fleshing them out. Always refer to everyone in-game as 'that one dude'.

The Exchange

39) Never shut up.

40) Avoid all semblance of adventure. It's DANGEROUS!

41) Mock the DM's made-up names.

Sczarni

42: ignore the NPC's names, and rename them how you like.

"Well, hello there Mr. PC Wizard, my name is..."

"Joseph. Your name is Joseph, and I want to buy your house."

"But, my name is,"

"Joseph. Like I just said, it's Joseph."

continue on in that vein until the world kills you with rocks.

43: try to invent nuclear weapons, biological weapons, or other Weapons of Mass Destruction.

44: Succeed at #43, and either use them or sell them to the highest bidder

45: create a Paladin with ridiculous Cha, Str, Con, and like 3 Int. Then play him as craven, weak willed, and a tactical genius on the order of Rommel or Patton

46: play other games at the table. WoW, Plants vs. Zombies, Tower Defense. Yes, I know it's not your turn, and I know at level 15 it takes a while to go around the table, but you can at least PRETEND to be interested in what everyone else is doing.

47: cry when your PC gets dead/petrified/captured. seriously, this is a game, not real life people.


Canor wrote:
psionichamster wrote:


18. try to headshot the BBEG while he's monologuing.

19. successfully pull off the above, especially with an openly rolled nat20.

+1

Pulled that off with a chair once. Didn't kill him but the GM's expression and my imagination of the BBEG's expression based on that will stay with me forever.


48: Bring in a new meme to the game that the DM is not privy too and does not find funny. Repeat it often without explaining where it comes from or why its so damn funny. Especially do this when he's explaining something or describing a room.

49: Fail to pay attention during combat. Have a side conversation with the person next to you and lose track of the initiative order. Then jump back in at random times to inquire: "You didn't skip me, did you?" in a very accusatory tone.


50; never directly answer any question; waffle all the time; avoid even simple yes or no reponses.

51: do everything extremely slowly; like take a million years to decide which dice you will roll, after you test a few a hundred times; then ask what your rolling for again with a puzzled but sincere expression.


52. Have your character eat 'shrooms right before your comrades have to deal with a difficult monster.

53. Whenever the GM introduces a new NPC, even a nameless generic one, ask "is he/she hot?"

54. Play your character as a total perv.

55. Blend in-game and ooc dialogue (in all fairness, this can also be really funny).

56. Have no interest in treasure, leveling up, or rightious quests. Do have obsession with an NPC and weirding out the rest of the gaming table.

(all these have happened to me...)

The Exchange

57) do something absurdly overpowered and then have a conversation that goes something like this:

Dm " okay how did you get a 42 on that attack roll?"
Player " well I did roll a 19!"
Dm " yeah but your level 3!! Where is the other 23 coming from?"
Player " well I have a good BAB"
Dm " okay that's 3"
Player " yeah well I get 1 from this trait and 2 from this feat so forth and so forth.."
Dm " okay that accounts for 12 of the 23. Let me see your character sheet and maybe we can figure it out"
Player " well my character sheet is wrong I have not updated it in awhile...


Imperium wrote:

57) do something absurdly overpowered and then have a conversation that goes something like this:

Dm " okay how did you get a 42 on that attack roll?"
Player " well I did roll a 19!"
Dm " yeah but your level 3!! Where is the other 23 coming from?"
Player " well I have a good BAB"
Dm " okay that's 3"
Player " yeah well I get 1 from this trait and 2 from this feat so forth and so forth.."
Dm " okay that accounts for 12 of the 23. Let me see your character sheet and maybe we can figure it out"
Player " well my character sheet is wrong I have not updated it in awhile...

I played with a guy who did that kind of thing and just claimed to be bad at math. He actually had the 2nd highest GPA in my graduating class in highschool....so yea....

Also, the same guy, legitimately, one shotted the BBEG one time in a D20 Modern game. He used Phantasmal Killer, the DM rolled 1s on the saves. Room fell quiet. Then he (the player) goes " I really didnt think that was going to work. Lets just pretend he made the death save, and takes the damage."...

Liberty's Edge

In a late-night intense session when the party has been captured and the DM walks round behind you and puts his hand on your shoulder...

...get a little carried away and deck him for real!

I managed that one some 20 years ago and I'm still embarassed about it.

(I guess it doesn't help that I'm a small cuddly female and the DM was a big hulking bloke... and ended up sitting on his butt with a surprised expression.)


This is great. I've had so many of these examples happen in my games... repeatedly...

The player who plays the same thing in every game, regardless of campaign. "Oh look, he's playing an evil Psion. Again. Do you really need all those d6's? You do? Crap."

The player who avoids any semblance of adventure: "(in character)Guys? What are we doing here? This place is dangerous! I was better off at the inn!" Seriously, every single campaign, this player goes out of his way to either foil every attempt to go on an adventure, or whines and moans the whole way through it. I've nearly kicked him out of games.

I'll expound a little in my first example:

58) Be EVIL. ALL THE TIME. Regardless of the campaign setting, story, etc. Attack other players characters and derail the game at every possible angle. Why? Because you're EVIL. You're "just playing your character" after all...

Can't be evil? True Neutral. Do evil things and pretend they aren't that evil.


Calandra wrote:
40) Avoid all semblance of adventure. It's DANGEROUS!

This. About a thousand times. Calandra, would you like your life-size statue to be built of bronze, gold, or silver-plate?

Yucale wrote:
54. Play your character as a total perv.

Looks around guiltily

Megan Robertson wrote:

In a late-night intense session when the party has been captured and the DM walks round behind you and puts his hand on your shoulder...

...get a little carried away and deck him for real!

I managed that one some 20 years ago and I'm still embarassed about it.

(I guess it doesn't help that I'm a small cuddly female and the DM was a big hulking bloke... and ended up sitting on his butt with a surprised expression.)

puts in teeth guard and head protector for game with Megan

Why are all the violent female gamers I know all named Megan? You're like the 4th one!


Freehold DM wrote:
Calandra wrote:
40) Avoid all semblance of adventure. It's DANGEROUS!

This. About a thousand times. Calandra, would you like your life-size statue to be built of bronze, gold, or silver-plate?

Yucale wrote:
54. Play your character as a total perv.

Looks around guiltily

Megan Robertson wrote:

In a late-night intense session when the party has been captured and the DM walks round behind you and puts his hand on your shoulder...

...get a little carried away and deck him for real!

I managed that one some 20 years ago and I'm still embarassed about it.

(I guess it doesn't help that I'm a small cuddly female and the DM was a big hulking bloke... and ended up sitting on his butt with a surprised expression.)

puts in teeth guard and head protector for game with Megan

Why are all the violent female gamers I know all named Megan? You're like the 4th one!

It's a Megan Rule. When gaming, become violent, targeting the biggest male within reach. Similar to a certain "prison rule".

Liberty's Edge

It's OK, you're safe these days... older, slower and had a stroke since. Plus, I tend to DM more often than play.

Sovereign Court

59. Make your character a thinly veiled version of the GM's significant other (or most desired SO if none currently available.

60. Have your character, built using #59, try to sleep with every PC and NPC, preferably the moment they're introduced.

61. Inquire about your #59 character sleeping with everything else... trolls, owlbears, gelatinous cubes... try whenever possible.


62. Sing lame songs all the time when you are playing.

63. Talk with funny voices from TV shows and TV commercials OOC. Keep doing that during the whole session, or preferably several sessions in a row.

64. Invent outrageous actions for your PC and play them out, all the time, without consideration for other PCs, NPCs, the DM, the plot and the setting.

65. Always let your dice roll off the table, halfway across the room, preferably under the couch or to another unreachable spot.

66. When picking up the dice from under the couch, etc., say you have rolled a natural 20.

67. Always ask the same question when the DM gives experience points: "Is that treasure, too?" (This is a remnant from the 1st edition.)

68. When moving your miniature across the board, always kick down all the other miniatures.

69. Put the fallen miniatures back on the board in positions favorable to you, hoping the DM does not notice.

70. Call your friends by mobile phone during play, or send text messages at them.

71. Break off a weapon off someone else's miniature.

72. Never decide what you will do during your turn. Wait until the DM says its your turn, then go to the toilet first, and afterwards decide to cast the most complex spell you can find, and read it through first (very thoroughly), then forget what you have read, so that the DM has to ask you all kinds of questions about range, area of effect, saving throws, etc. and you will have to look them up all over again. Then decide you do not like this spell after all, and choose another spell, and read it in the same way, etc.

73. Discuss every rule that is disadvantageous to your character, even if it has been discussed several times during the session already.

74. Always try to sneak in an extra partial action during your round, and hope the DM does not notice.("I hide. This is a free action!")

75. Always try to sneak in extra actions during some else's turn, or say things like "but I forgot to do this and that during my turn".


76) Remember the convenient math error when adding up exp. After all 2 + 2 = 22.

77) Always remember your extra damage at least 2 turns late.


78) Always roll your dice on the battle map in the exact area where the miniatures are located. That way, you knock over as many of the miniatures as possible. (I had a player who used to do this all the time. She wasn't actually trying to be disruptive. She just did it out of excitement and habit. But it took us years to break her of the habit.)

The Exchange

Freehold DM wrote:
Calandra wrote:
40) Avoid all semblance of adventure. It's DANGEROUS!

This. About a thousand times. Calandra, would you like your life-size statue to be built of bronze, gold, or silver-plate?

Ooh, such a difficult decision. Gold is hard to pass up, but I think I look better in silver...

79) Recap that commercial everyone's seen during the battle's most climactic moment. Instead of deciding what you'll do on your turn.

Grand Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I dont know why I didnt think of this one earlier. Its actually something ive done in past game, and got another player to do the same thing in the same game.

80) Name your pc after another player in the group.

Example: I was playing in a game with a guy named Caleb, so I named my character Caleb so when the dm called for Caleb to take his turn, I could answer that I had already gone, etc.


81) Give your PCs all the same name, with a number added, like Hercules I, Hercules II, etc.

(I know a player who did this once.)


82) Have a pet/familiar/cohort and play him/her out like it were a full-fledged PC. Be sure to play out loads of elaborate player-cohort dialogs. Describe in minute detail the actions and interactions of your character and the cohort/pet/familiar.

83)Have a pet/familiar/cohort and play him/her out like it were a personal magic item. Be sure to play it out as impersonally as you can if at all. Forget about your pet/familiar/cohort in sticky situations and whip it out when least expected. Use it ONLY to benefit yourself.


Calandra wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Calandra wrote:
40) Avoid all semblance of adventure. It's DANGEROUS!

This. About a thousand times. Calandra, would you like your life-size statue to be built of bronze, gold, or silver-plate?

Ooh, such a difficult decision. Gold is hard to pass up, but I think I look better in silver...

79) Recap that commercial everyone's seen during the battle's most climactic moment. Instead of deciding what you'll do on your turn.

begins construction

Sczarni

Simcha wrote:

82) Have a pet/familiar/cohort and play him/her out like it were a full-fledged PC. Be sure to play out loads of elaborate player-cohort dialogs. Describe in minute detail the actions and interactions of your character and the cohort/pet/familiar.

<_< >_>

hmm...guilty as charged with that one...


84) When you're creating your character's ability scores, always sulk and complain about the final results. If you have a low point-buy (or equivalent roll), complain that you can't possibly create the super-powered demigod you wanted to create. If you have a high point-buy (or equivalent roll), complain that you can't create your 1st-level commoner who is the ultimate roleplaying example of the "average person".


85) Deliberately create a character totally improper for the intended campaign. If the dm suggests a gritty smugglers game, play an un yielding paladin who smites evil at the first blip on the detect screen. If you are playing a game in which the party are righteous heroes, play belkar.

86) Play a bard and sing bad pop songs when performing (this is a classic from my highschool gaming group way back when).

87) While engaging in #86 cleverly and infuriatingly avoid the certain deaths planned for your character by the dm and the other players...

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