Dr. Jan Jansen III, Turnip King is banned because his name is too long. I mean, we can shorten El Dios Del Los Almas Perdidas can be shortened to EDDLAP, and then there's the Vicious Chicken of Bristol who can be shortened to TVCoB, but yours can't be shortened in any good way. Dr. JJIIITK doesn't make sense, neither does Dr.JJ3TK. We'll just make int Doc Jan and be done with it. You're still Banned, by the way.
Spanky is banned because that was dang near 7 hours ago, I could have hidden by then. Just like I am now. By the time you read this, I'll be half way to Katmandu. Or Timbuktu. Or, hey, I'll use my Ninja Powers to make Katmandu and Timbuktu the same place.
Tirq is banned because reason isn't obvious, neither is common sense. The road to enlightenment is a long and arduous one. To concede that the world exists in simple terms is to diminish the majesty and wonder that is life.
It is simple and obvious. When you come in here you're begging to be banned. Why you beg to be banned might be more complex. But you look like you need structure in your life, so much so that you've wrapped yourself in electrical tape. So, I will ban you to fulfill your need for structure in your life.