The Next Poster...


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Sovereign Court

Absolutely... NOT! There's no way I'm going back to that wretched hellhole! Besides, Mark owed me for letting him stay at my place for a week. So, he's all yours, GoatToucher!

The next poster has also been appointed as a lord/lady, but of what?


Well I was going to be Lord of the Rings, but a couple of halflings went and ruined it all at the last moment.

The next poster has a great idea for a new movie.


Well, yeah. It would be a dramatic epic. AND ITS MINE. YOU WANT TO HEAR THE IDEA? TOO BAD. IF I TELL YOU THEN YOU COULD STEAL IT.

The next poster has a tendency to overshare.


I do. I really do.

The next poster just -loves- my stories.


AH C'N HEAR HIM {BLEEP}IN' IN THE GOAT TONITE.

oh lord

OH LORD, MAKE IT STOP!

The next poster has mapped out my Healing Journey for me.

Shadow Lodge

Hope you invested in diving gear and shark repellent

The next poster has bribed the judge.


The blue ribbon in the 43rd Annual Underwater Basket-Weaving Competition will be mine!

The next poster is later for a very important meeting.

Sovereign Court

Aww man! That's the THIRD time I've arrived at to the annual 'Evil Deities Family Picnic' five minutes after it officially starts! I need a new wristwatch.

The next poster, conveniently enough, sells five star wristwatches at one star prices.

Scarab Sages

It would be a travesty and disgrace for one such as I to put any less than my very best efforts and materials into every one of my works, and gold, for me, is merely a way to pass the time between building my beloved machines!

The next poster once had a most embarrassing experience involving a magic carpet.


Well you see, I [REDACTED] and because of that [REDACTED] and so [REDACTED]. But what really [REDACTED] was [REDACTED] and then I [REDACTED]. And that's why I'm not allowed to enter rug stores anymore.

The next poster has the clearance level to read at least some of the censored parts of my story.


It involve horses and dogs. Poog best say no more.

Next poster likes cats more than dogs.


That is because cats rule while dogs drool.

The next poster has a foolproof plan of ridding the world of all dogs forever while leaving the cats alone.

Scarab Sages

I will send them all to Pluto, of course!

The next poster is one of the 13 Grand Overseers of the Kuiper Belt Terraforming Project.


And let me tell you, that dog labor force from Pluto is really speeding development up!

The next poster just found out that they're not the chosen one.

Sovereign Court

Yeah and I just have to say what a relief it is! Trust me, when GoatToucher is deciding who to 'play' with next, you DON'T wanna be the 'chosen one'.

The next poster once got obliterated and have to sew the body parts of different species together to make a new body for themselves.


Yeah, but i don't need makeup anymore with my new bird head!

The next poster does need makeup, more than you would think.


As a cosmetics elemental, I am pretty much MADE of make-up, but it does allow me to look like, well, PRETTY much anything.

The next poster, while not allergic to cosmetics elementals, is allergic to a common thing that is highly unusual to be allergic to.

Dark Archive

Academic ethics committees - the scourge of my existence! The mere mention of one makes me want to vomit!

The next poster hears the monotonous piping of some demoniac flautist in their dreams....


I've written an Opera inspired by those dreams called "Toot toot toot." I hope you all come to see its premiere!

The next poster has written a review of said opera.


An abomination! A carnal display of mankind's basest instincts and urges. No character in this reprehensible display is above the vileness that the playwright has crafted: each of them wallows in the (sometimes literal) excrement offered onstage for three solid hours! There is not even the tiniest moment that redeems this sick filth, or elevated or gives insight to the observer. Pornography is not a strong enough word for the prurient drek I viewed that night.

My highest recommendation! Four Stars!

The next poster toweled me off after the play.


Indeed, a good drenched towel to slam you out of the building, [verb: 'to towel off'], works very well.

The next poster is plotting a takeover in the engineering industry and will share the crucial details for it to succeed.


I patented Mathematics.

The next poster patented philosophy and has been trying for millenia to get those lazy thinkers to pay up.

Liberty's Edge

If a copyright claim fails in the courts, and no stenographer is around to record it, is it still legally binding?

The next poster could preach the Bible like a preacher, full of ecstasy and fire


...

What the hell was that?

The next poster will explain the stylings of Boney M. to me.


I already have. 3 times. Every time I finish, you just start asking me what the M stands for.

The next poster had a prophecy backfire on them.

Scarab Sages

Back in 1999, when everyone was wondering what the first decade of the new millennium ought to be called, my idea was to call them "the '000s" - pronounced aloud "the ooze," because 3 'O's, get it? Anyways, we all know how THAT decade turned out. I was kinda thinking a "wacky Toxic-Crusader-Ninja-Turtle-Ghostbusters-y Devo weird future" kind of deal at the time, not "I now feel unclean after having been through that."

The next poster will tell us about the time they accidentally broke a major law of physics.


Well, there was that time I had to ignore the square-cube law to make my authentic-sized Gundam cosplay. I caused physics professors to cry and the destruction of downtown Tokyo, but it really was the best costume at the convention.

The next poster has chosen... poorly.


Yeah. Women can't choose between golden cups. It really is a man's job.

The next poster will tell us about the scene in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull that was put there by the Illuminati.

Liberty's Edge

Clearly, there's very little chance a man in his mid-60s could dodge gunfire from several trained soldiers without being hit at least once. Therefore, the soldiers must have been working for someone else all along!

The next poster is going into a zone full of Danger.


There was even a highway over to there! I did have to stick to the speed limit though; they really did use aircraft to enforce it!

The next poster has just sprung a fiendish trap upon their foe!


And you fell for it by commenting on my fiendish trap instead of ducking! Now where did I leave the Death Ray™?

The next poster knows where I left the Death Ray™.


You left it right here within my reach in your trap.

The next poster knows how to work a Death Ray™.


I do! Now give it back.

The next poster has something completely different to share with us.


Beetroot.

The next poster wonders, what is the 'borscht' that could happen?


The answer is, of course, more borscht.

The next poster is a fan of Russian injestables.


I get them from this shirtless guy at irregular intervals. Not sure why there's not shirt, but whatever.

The next poster has just realized what thumbs are used for.


Yeah, they're the physical equivalent of kudos.

The next poster has thoroughly drilled shy young Lady Cecilia into a hardcore paladin of goodness.


Oh yes. Neither of them took the drilling particularly well.

The next poster got the cleaning job of the resulting mess.


Indeed, after a few photographs and keepsakes. For posterity, you understand.

The next poster has trodden in monsieur's bucket.


Not so much trodden as glided through it. Took forever to get the smell out of my ethereal clothing.

The next poster knows what to do with the bucket.

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

At long last, it will be returned to its rightful owner: That walrus.

The next poster can sprout hands from their ears.


WHAT??! Gorram IT! I can't hear you with these friggin hands growing out of my ears! When I find that no good two bit crook of an alchemist I am going to feed him a dose of his own hand growing medicine, except it wont be his ears from where his new hand does it's growing!

The next poster has the unfortunate distinction of being the first to run into said alchemist after his "accident."

Scarab Sages

Naturally, being a gentleman, I shook his hand. Then I thoroughly cleansed my hand in an open flame.

The next poster has visited my homeland of New-Tashboor-Upon-Ruins-Of-Old, and can and will personally attest to its many wonders.


The animal with the legs of a man and a woman, the body of a horse, two giraffe necks, a head of a hippo, and another head of a woodpecker was especially "wondrous."

The next poster IS another one of said wonders.


Why, Thank you.

The next poster's secret organization is so secret...


Yes it is.

The next poster won't talk about that.


Well, so much for the Super Secret Guild of GoatToucher's Spurned Goat Lovers. Well damn it, there goes my tax shelter.

The next poster travelled back in time and killed Hitler before the outbreak of WWII with hilarious consequences to history.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Toothbrush moustaches are still fashionable.

The next poster's seeeecret weapon could have won the war for the Germans had it been developed in time.


Indeed, but those Nazi so-called "scientists" were to squeamish to do what needed to be done. O, the wonders the world would have beheld! The abomination!

The next poster has a favorite dictator.


Why, good old Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus of course. Has a bunch of cities and secret societies named after him and everything.

The next poster started the fire.

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