Haga


Round 2: Create a monster concept

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Star Voter Season 6

It's the details that sell a story, dude. Internal consistency is what matters.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

roguerouge wrote:
It's the details that sell a story, dude. Internal consistency is what matters.

Sure, and "eyeballing" it, this thing's about 2/3rds the size of a roc-- which can scoop up an elephant according to its description. In terms of scale, I have no problem with the approximation that a haga can handle a bull. Seems like they probably occupy a niche between the roc and the giant eagle.

-Ben.

Liberty's Edge

Cpt_kirstov wrote:
taig wrote:

This could be a BBEG that the party fights after wading through armies that the haga has manipulated into getting in the way of the party in order to prevent the characters from killing the haga. To me, it seems like a unique entity more than a monster, and I can only imagine using this to drive a campaign. That's just me though, and I think it's got enough spark to carry a lot of votes.

I don't know why, but I keep getting pulled to this one... I definatly see them as a small number, but I would like to see 2 of these as rivals somewhere. Once sees the death of a haga in it's prophecy, and tries to kill them, the other tries to save them, and the one who tries to save them dies.... leaving the one who tried to kill them with his prophecy fulfilled.. just in a strange way..

that brings memory of Immortal Jihad between Methusalen for some reason :P

Liberty's Edge

David, by the way great creature...

I know I have seen certain reference about Two headed eagles... but its interesting there is no european mythical creature, but indian, yet the infuse of the the profesy skills does the trick...

indeed great monster to create as part of a campaign, maybe not the main evil boss, but certianly the one who sweet/acid talk him/her while planning

The Exchange RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8 aka Tarren Dei

I think that taking into account the feedback in this thread, the haga could be improved. With a few changes and clarification, this monster would be a great addition to the game.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

terraleon wrote:
roguerouge wrote:
It's the details that sell a story, dude. Internal consistency is what matters.

Sure, and "eyeballing" it, this thing's about 2/3rds the size of a roc-- which can scoop up an elephant according to its description. In terms of scale, I have no problem with the approximation that a haga can handle a bull. Seems like they probably occupy a niche between the roc and the giant eagle.

-Ben.

This thread got a bit Monty Python for a while there didn't it? Probably just confusion between the European and African Haga. ;)

I'm enjoying this dissection immensely! Keep up the good work. I'll jump in once I'm allowed.


I think the second you buy your first bag of dice and roll a character, you must leave your disbelief at the door. Sure, there are some things the DM are gonna pull that will violate the internal consistency of your chosen mythos, but physics and science mean almost NOTHING in D&D world. OK, gravity goes down, swords cut things, the basics are there. But I can't possibly see the fun in sitting down and analyzing each monster in D&D for it's adherence to Newtonian physics.

[/rant] My point is, this should not be held against an entry in a game where all of this applies so heavily.

FireHawk wrote:

...you have to suspend every belief in reality to beleive that a fictional creature could exist.

I'm glad we agree.


Guys, he didn't say 20 foot wingspan, he said 20 feet LONG, which for avians and quadrupeds we usually measure as nose to tail. As someone else mentioned, that would mean about a 100 foot wingspan. This thing doesn't just cast a shadow, it creates its own eclipse! Yeah, I'm pretty sure it can pick up that bull.

Anyhow, I'm loving this creature, and can see using it as a behind-the-scenes manipulator with a long game plan, possibly even arranging marriages to produce the proper lineage to see to it that its prophecies WILL come true. I don't, however, see it as the BBEG; I see it as being more neutral, being concerned only is seeing to it that events unfold as they should, and taking stpes to ensure that, for good or ill. Heck, it would probably even arrange how it will die since it can foresee its own death. Interesting concept, that: being able to see when it dies, but not willing to change that event as that would disrupt the prophecies.

This is not a "throw it at them and see who wins the fight" encounter like goblins and kobolds often are; this requires some careful planning to use which might hurt its chances to advance, but it will at least be getting one of MY votes :-)

Paizo Employee Director of Brand Strategy

I think this is an inspiring, if muddled, concept. I can already imagine several ways to build a whole adventure around this creature, especially it's role as prophet. The idea of a giant, two-headed eagle speaking both optimistic and pessimistic prophecy gives me shivers. I wish its role were more clearly defined, though, as it seems to be both a mysterious and dangerous ally as well as an unquestionable enemy. I prefer the former, but either would be fine. Just pick one. All things considered, though, this is a very strong entry and I hope to see you in later rounds. Best of luck.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

My thoughts on the haga...

The Name: When describing the haga from real-world myth, you pretty much have to call it a haga. And who cares if "haga" is similar to "hag" and "naga." This is a game that has both "daemons" and "demons," each a seperate species, so I don't any problem with monster names that are one letter apart from one another.

The Description: Now this is what an oracle should be. Not a member of an adventuring party. A strange, fearful being that mere mortals must approach with caution. I like that you chose an obscure creature from real-world myth and turned it into something with an obvious place in a Pathfinder campaign. A very nice, evocative description.

The Powers: It does what every giant bird should do. It does what every oracle should do. It does both with style. The haga has everything it needs to have and nothing extraneous tacked on to push it too far over the top. Nicely done.

The Buzz: I don't really understand all of this side discussion of carrying capacities that's going on. Whether or not a haga can pick up a bull is entirely dependent upon its Strength score, which has not been quantified yet. If the description of the haga states that it can carry a bull, nothing in the rules prevents it from having a Strength score that reflects that feat.

The Vote: Clever choice of a creature from real-world myth. Great execution. This is one of eight creatures that I will be considering when it comes time for me to cast my vote.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

What intrests me most about this one is the use of the dying to fuel the curses it uses on others. I am looking forward to the cruch you'll be putting together for that. Good luck in the next round I think you will be there.

Paizo Employee Developer , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

After reviewing all the entries, I can say that the Haga is my favorite monster submission, by far. I would definitely use this monster.


Yeah. I keep coming back to this and thinking 'what a great thing to include as the focal point of a REALLY epic campaign'. I'd vote for you, if I hadn't done so already. Heck, I'd do it again, if they only would let me *raises fist and shakes it at the heavens* ;)

Paizo Employee Director of Brand Strategy

Dance of Ruin wrote:
Yeah. I keep coming back to this and thinking 'what a great thing to include as the focal point of a REALLY epic campaign'. I'd vote for you, if I hadn't done so already. Heck, I'd do it again, if they only would let me *raises fist and shakes it at the heavens* ;)

You should be able to change your votes up until voting ends.

Dark Archive

I've been waiting to spring a use of haruspicy on unsuspecting party members in a PBP, and I'm annoyed that the notion has gotten some play, and people might think I'm cribbing off of this cool entry!

I like the mythic feel of the critter, with the multiple heads and scent of sandalwood and being sought out by men willing to make sacrifices to it to access its divinations.

It's less a monster to be fought than a plot engine, though, and that might end up working against you with some viewers. It goes the other way, and works for you, in my case, since I am definitely looking for a beastie that has potential to interact with a campaign in ways other than as XP fodder.

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

I don't need to run the ruler over this one. An exemplary entry.

I only regret that leaves me with, so far, three other votes over six good entries and more to read.


yoda8myhead wrote:
You should be able to change your votes up until voting ends.

No, you misunderstood:

Spoiler:
I already voted for the Haga.


David Posener wrote:

Haga

These have a real, mystical feeling about them. I like them very much, despite my usual disdain of future-seeing monsters, especially if they mostly use this power in combat.

I don't get how they can work the manipulative ways they are supposed to do, going into so much detail as choreographing war up to the very places individual soldiers die. You established that only few even dare to consult a Haga, then how can the bird influence history in such significant and yet minute ways?
The part I like most however is the way it delivers its omens. That has some real mojo going on. It is a diviner that can really see the future, but actually tells you Wealth or Woe, it's up to you to decide.

They are a great addition to most campaign backgrounds, but are very limited as monsters and enemies. It's a tough call on this one.
I'm considering you for a vote, but I honestly think others will win out.
Great work nevertheless.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

I kind of like this. It reverses the fortune telling from bird entrails bit. "You want to know the future of your nation, fine just let me ripe this guards entrails out..." I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly but I see them as a long game kind of monster. They are immortal. They like looking for and manipulating patterns in history. I could totally see one of these as a behind the scenes villain in a story arc. Several seeming unrelated smaller adventures lead into the revelation that all the bad guys(possibly even the good guys) were being manipulated by a Haga with an agenda. I like it.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 7

This thing is really epic, so I don't know if I would use it in my campaign. But it's also pretty awesome, so I wouldn't mind seeing it in a bestiary. I really like the idea that it speaks good and bad omens simultaneously. I could see a few of these things playing an ageless game against one another, using their "infernal litanies" as messages of victory of a sort, directed at others of their kind.

Nice work and a good follow up to the Starborn Seeds, which I also liked (including the name).


Apologies, David, but the Haga just missed out on getting my last vote. In the end the fact that this creature knows when it's going to die was too much of a problem for me; I know that in some fiction (David Gemmell's 'Legend', for example) it can be made to work, but I'm not sure to what extent it can be fitted into a roleplaying game, where predetermination is in theory trumped by player choices. (Hmm, unless you can get an agreement that a particular something will/won't happen with your players beforehand???)
Anyway, the haga was in good company, just missing out along with splorudra. I look forward to seeing what you bring to the next round though, if you make it through. :)


I have mixed opinions of this creature.

Let's start with the name. Before I read the entry, I thought a haga was going to be a cross between a hag and a naga. While the creature you created was cooler than a half-hag/half-naga probably could have been, defying your readers' expectations in this way is not a good habit.

Your writing is excellently descriptive and demonstrates a vast vocabulary. Let me tell you how you can make it even better. Use more action verbs and fewer forms of "be". For instance...

"Golden feathered and majestic in flight, the haga carries the scent of sandalwood over its mountainous dominion. This twenty-foot long, double-headed eagle divines future events from the spilt entrails of its writhing prey, a ritual known as haruspex."

Now I didn't complete the full description, and those two sentences I wrote need a revisory pass and an editing pass at least, but can you see the positive change you get just by eliminating a couple instances of the word "is"?

Moving on, I love the idea of a haga choreographing the carnage of war to create complex runes and stuff, but overall the monster leaves me feeling flat. I love the details but don't care for the big picture. I guess I wonder what is gained by combining a giant bird of prey and an oracular monster. Why not just use a roc and a sphinx separately?

I don't know why this particular entry is causing this line of thought in me; I love the tremagguan and the skintaker, even though they fill essentially the same niche as the doppleganger.

Still, I can't argue away this feeling, so I'm afraid I can't give you one of my votes. Sorry.

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

catmandrake wrote:


Let's start with the name. Before I read the entry, I thought a haga was going to be a cross between a hag and a naga. While the creature you created was cooler than a half-hag/half-naga probably could have been, defying your readers' expectations in this way is not a good habit.

Well, I thought it might have something to do with the species from Nebuleon, but it doesn't. It's only four letters. I can't see how the author could have anticipated every possible interpretation anyone could place on such a word.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 aka tejón

Especially considering that it's an historical mythological name.

"You called it a sphynx... I expected a spherical lynx!"

Edit: Picked a different "sph" word. First one was a little gross.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka JoelF847

Overall, this is a worthy addition to the game, and does a great job taking an obscure mythological creature and bringing it to the gaming audience. My one problem with it is I can't tell if it's a divinatory oracle, or a master manipulator of history. It seems to me that if it's always seeing the future, then how does it get any thrill in manipulating events? Doesn't it know that something will happen? If that's the case, how is it manipulating anything, and not just being the instrument of a fate it already knows is going to happen? Also, I don't know exactly what "predicatively composing flawless abyssal runes or infernal litanies from the dying soldiers and falling battle debris". I find it a strech to imagine that the haga predicts the future so well that it can not only incite a battle, but cause the soldiers to fall into a specific rune.


David Posener wrote:

Haga

cut for space

This is the thirty-first monster that I am looking at. I do not read the comments below the entry before posting my opinion. An apology if this duplicates someone else’s entry, in part or whole.

Double-headed eagle. K. That smells like incense. Ohoh! It divines the future by eating people. Now that’s different. Kewl. It’s an augur and a poet. Ahhh. Nice writing. I’m pulled in.

Powers:
*able to pic up a bull (double-headed roc?)
*razor sharp beaks (what would razor dull beaks do – bludgeoning? ;) )
*can pierce magical deception (hmmm)
*ageless and can divine the future (mm-kay, consistent)
*answer questions by reading the spatters of flesh and blood (whoo! Mechanically tough; inspirationally well done.)
*precognitions into what their enemies do in a fight (eh, tough to adjudicate maybe?)
*manipulate an enemies fate through curses (blink blink?)

Summary: Wow, a monster that’s part villain, part enemy. I like it. It has a mystical feel to it that’s rather mythological. I find that cool, even if I have a few concerns about the powers list. I have added this to my short list for final review tomorrow. Apologies for comments running short. It’s getting late.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Hydro

Joel Flank wrote:
My one problem with it is I can't tell if it's a divinatory oracle, or a master manipulator of history. It seems to me that if it's always seeing the future, then how does it get any thrill in manipulating events? Doesn't it know that something will happen? If that's the case, how is it manipulating anything, and not just being the instrument of a fate it already knows is going to happen?

I think that answering this question could lead us into a pretty heavy discussion of fate and determinism in a fantasy setting.

However, my default assumption for prophets is that they see the future as a cloud of possibilities, which shifts with every action that the prophet himself takes.

After all, not EVERY prediction can be the sort which represents a chokepoint across all possible futures or which causes its own fulfillment (though I do love those).

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Orange Toque

Does it grab me visually: The two heads talking simultaneously is awesome. Haruspicy
= wonderful visual.

Would I use it in game: Once. It would make for a very cool plot device. And then, you have to wonder if the information the haga gave you was in your best interest, or the haga’s. As a combat encounter, there are some problems. This creature knows the time of its own death. Would it even fight back against the PCs? Or is its future changeable?

Would my players enjoy an encounter with it: Yes. Although the whole time they would be sure that they were being double crossed. Plus, I’m sure that they would talk about the two headed eagle oracle for years to come.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka flash_cxxi

I don't know what to make of this...

I like it but I don't...

I think the fact that we need another Aussie in the comp will sway me to Vote for it and so it's in the Keep pile, but man this one has my internal conflict meter on overload!
Good Luck David. :)

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Hydro

I would have liked this creature a lot more if it had been described as ragged and decrepit, a little less "majestic eagle" and a little more "carrion bird".

But you've still got my vote. I don't just want this creature as an element of an encounter, I want it as a part of my campaign setting.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka flash_cxxi

Nicolas Quimby wrote:
I don't just want this creature as an element of an encounter, I want it as a part of my campaign setting.

Agreed. This isn't justa nother random monster, or even a BBEG, it is an NPC Monster and I think that's OK. I definately think that there is a need for this type of Monster (NPC Monster) and I think that's part of what has me a little conflicted over it.


You know..at first I hated this thing. But by my 3rd reading..I have to say I am impressed. The trick to using this critter is that it can be both NPC and monster encounter at once. It may use the PCs, giving them information that happens to further its own evil ends..until the PCs figure it out, and are forced to fight a creature that knows them as well as they know themselves.
The knowing the time of its death is not really an issue..even a haga can "attempt" to fight fate, and it was a fairly common device in Greek myth.
The name is still a pain..although the idea of a "hag-naga" has got me thinking..hmm

Scarab Sages Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games

Lief Clennon wrote:

Especially considering that it's an historical mythological name.

"You called it a sphynx... I expected a spherical lynx!"

Edit: Picked a different "sph" word. First one was a little gross.

Though this monster was my favorite of the entire round, I'll say this about the name:

Even if (though) it IS the name of a real-world mythological creature, it is so obscure that it lacks the kind of mythic resonance of more familiar creatures that it just BEGS to be used with that name and that name only. Compare this, say, to calling a hideous woman with snakes for hair who turns you to stone a medusa instead of a euryale or a stheno. All are equally valid real-world mythological names describing the same thing from the same myth, but with the latter two having no real sense of traction as mythic names.

In the case of the haga, that in and of itself isn't a killer, but the fact that it ends up uncomfortably close to two MUCH more familiar mythological creature names and gaming terms leaves it fighting for etymological space.

Sean (I think) said much the same with, for instance, the "crysalis" entry, that the word was just too close to another word; even if it had been named after some real-world mythological creature, to find a name-space for it in the GAME, it might be best to find it a new name.

Not required, mind you, but it might be a good idea. And this monster rocks the house regardless!

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

Thanks to everyone who voted for, and commented on, each of this round’s entries. And a big thanks to my fellow competitors who each came up with fantastic monsters that I can unscrupulously steal for my home games!

Now that voting has closed, but before I get bogged down into the mysterious Round 3* design, I thought I might ramble on a bit about my entry.

Mythological Origin
Yes, the Haga is a ‘historical’ mythological creature from the Byzantine empire (as quoted by Lief above), but definitely a very obscure one. I only discovered it myself when I was looking up double-headed eagle heraldry (as you do). The creature itself is described as being a protector, but sometimes you’ve just gotta take some creative license.

The Name
The name was pretty much set based on its mythological roots. It also had the benefit of being much shorter than “The Starborn Seeds of Manifest Denial” which was perceived to be a little over the top. I personally dislike really long compound names for monsters, because they take up valuable running-away time while you shout out a terrified warning.

The whole naga/hag thing didn’t really twig with me until the comments started to fly, and it looks pretty obvious in hindsight, but I think I’m stuck with Haga.

Appearance
It’s a massive, majestic, two-headed eagle.
- It’s massive, because it has to hold its own against the PCs when the proverbial hits the fan and the characters need some involuntary organ re-arrangement.
- It’s majestic, because I wanted it to not look out of place in a royal court setting, or to immediately put the players into an “it’s evil – kill it” frame of mind (although that is the most accurate and practical sentiment to have when dealing with a Haga).
- It’s two-headed, so that it can do the whole weal/woe prophesy at the same time.
- It’s a bird, to be a mirror of the historical haruspices who used bird’s entrails, or augurs who read the movement of birds through the sky.

Predeterminism/Fate
The predictive ability of the Haga basically lets it run a “simulation” of how things will go if it acts a certain way – essentially it gets to see the Socks at the end of the “Trousers of Time” and decide which leg to take. Sometimes, at the end of a particularly enjoyable leg, the Haga has to die to achieve its ends - c’est la vie (c’est la mort?).

If it dies in battle against the PCs, it probably has just organized for one of its allies to resurrect it anyway. With a note to that effect handed to the PCs by a messenger arriving one minute after their hard-won victory. See - this is fun isn’t it?

How do you kill it if it can make all these arrangements?
Here are just a couple:
- A daily dose of mind blank will ruin a Haga’s predictions in a big hurry.
- If you remove the Haga’s supply of victims (possibly by using your own divinations), it will be unable to make its prophesies with any accuracy, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

Writing stuff with dead bodies during a war seems pretty far-fetched!
This is the kind of stuff the other Haga’s observe and go “Whoah, now that’s some good predictin’. Not like those new-fangled Modern Auguries where all you see is charred babies - my chick could divine better than that stuff”. Much like if you were observing humans you might say, “Sure they’ve got hands and can lift stuff, but there’s no way they could have made the Sistine Chapel.” It’s extreme art for bizarrely-minded creatures that have too much time on their talons.

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?
The Haga is twenty feet long and I imagined a wingspan of around 80-100 feet. This thing is at least Huge in size, with a strength score to pick up a two-ton bull.

Is it an ally or an enemy?
It’s definitely an enemy of the PCs, unless their usual modus operandi involves bloody human sacrifice via dismemberment (I’m passing no judgment here if it does…). It is, however, an ally for any NPC’s who are either not so squeamish or are so desperate that the lives of a few slaves / unpopular family members seem like a fair trade.

*Dave holds a closed envelope against the Haga’s ‘weal’ head and it reveals, in a mellifluous voice not unlike that of Alan Rickman, that Round 3 will be “Stat up your monsters with a new rules element”. The “woe” head just giggles maniacally to itself.

Liberty's Edge

Whoa … how frikken awesome would that be … the PC’s stand around, wounded but victorious, congratulating themselves on their victory against the giant two headed bird that has been the mastermind behind so much of what they have faced over the past few months … when a panting messenger arrives and hands them a sealed envelope. Mystified, they open the envelope and begin to read the letter, which begins, “Now that you have killed me, there is something you must know …”

Nice work Dave, I look forward to what you’ve got for us in the next round.


Mothman wrote:
Whoa … how frikken awesome would that be … the PC’s stand around, wounded but victorious, congratulating themselves on their victory against the giant two headed bird that has been the mastermind behind so much of what they have faced over the past few months … when a panting messenger arrives and hands them a sealed envelope. Mystified, they open the envelope and begin to read the letter, which begins, “Now that you have killed me, there is something you must know …”

"... I prepared explosive runes this morning!"

Sorry, couldn't resist. I'll go hide now.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

David Posener wrote:

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?

The Haga is twenty feet long and I imagined a wingspan of around 80-100 feet. This thing is at least Huge in size, with a strength score to pick up a two-ton bull.

as I said in another thread I never meant for there to be a large discussion on wingspan. It was meant as a casual observation that just seemed to take a life of its own :(

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 aka tejón

David Posener wrote:
Alan Rickman

The Woe head is Gilbert Gottfreid.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Lief Clennon wrote:
David Posener wrote:
Alan Rickman
The Woe head is Gilbert Gottfreid.

I'm molting here!

MOLTING!

-Ben.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

FireHawk wrote:
David Posener wrote:

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?

The Haga is twenty feet long and I imagined a wingspan of around 80-100 feet. This thing is at least Huge in size, with a strength score to pick up a two-ton bull.
as I said in another thread I never meant for there to be a large discussion on wingspan. It was meant as a casual observation that just seemed to take a life of its own :(

Don't worry! I love a good Newtonian Physics debate.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

Lief Clennon wrote:
David Posener wrote:
Alan Rickman
The Woe head is Gilbert Gottfreid.

The Woe head is actually sounds more like Mr T.

"I pity the fool who crosses the stream of Death at midnight to pick the ghost-flower of the Butterfly Queen's virility. Dark loss and Hell's eternal suffering await this sucka".

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

Ah so we know all the treasure is hanging around the woe neck. Hey bubba look at all those golds chain it has around its neck, I dont think that thing could even fly with that many necklaces

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

FireHawk wrote:
Ah so we know all the treasure is hanging around the woe neck. Hey bubba look at all those golds chain it has around its neck, I dont think that thing could even fly with that many necklaces

Treasure Type T: 4d% pieces of gold jewellry

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Hydro

David Posener wrote:
Lief Clennon wrote:
David Posener wrote:
Alan Rickman
The Woe head is Gilbert Gottfreid.

The Woe head is actually sounds more like Mr T.

"I pity the fool who crosses the stream of Death at midnight to pick the ghost-flower of the Butterfly Queen's virility. Dark loss and Hell's eternal suffering await this sucka".

That is fantastic.

In response to your "It's majestic because" response, I think that might be why I don't like it- it makes it seem less like a mythological monster (appearance befitting its place in the world) and more like a D&D monster ("make it really pretty so they can't tell its a badguy"). I feel like the 'glorious bird' is a little overdone and like you missed an opportunity to make it that much more atmospheric. It may also be that it is difficult for me to picture a giant eagle having a "gnarled, snide and cunning" look to it, which was for some reason my strong first-impression.

Reconsidering, I can see the creature working with more of a "pompous, pitiless know-it-all" vibe, chest puffed up as it watches manlings scurrying about like so many ants, which was probably closer to the note your wanted to hit.

Scarab Sages Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games

Nicolas Quimby wrote:
David Posener wrote:
Lief Clennon wrote:
David Posener wrote:
Alan Rickman
The Woe head is Gilbert Gottfreid.

The Woe head is actually sounds more like Mr T.

"I pity the fool who crosses the stream of Death at midnight to pick the ghost-flower of the Butterfly Queen's virility. Dark loss and Hell's eternal suffering await this sucka".

That is fantastic.

In response to your "It's majestic because" response, I think that might be why I don't like it- it makes it seem less like a mythological monster (appearance befitting its place in the world) and more like a D&D monster ("make it really pretty so they can't tell its a badguy"). I feel like the 'glorious bird' is a little overdone and like you missed an opportunity to make it that much more atmospheric. It may also be that it is difficult for me to picture a giant eagle having a "gnarled, snide and cunning" look to it, which was for some reason my strong first-impression.

Reconsidering, I can see the creature working with more of a "pompous, pitiless know-it-all" vibe, chest puffed up as it watches manlings scurrying about like so many ants, which was probably closer to the note your wanted to hit.

It's Sam the Eagle from The Muppet Show!

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 4

Congratulations! Glad you made it!

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9 aka Dementrius

Jim Groves wrote:
Congratulations! Glad you made it!

Thanks Jim!

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

David:
First of all, congratulations on making it to the Top 16. I thought I would wait until after the voting for Round Two ended before offering any commentary or advice. And I'm going to come at it a little differently, in that I'm not going to focus primarily on your design this round. Rather, I'm going to have a go at examining your entire portfolio to this point to sort of assess what you've done well, where you could shore up a few things in your overall design and writing, and then give you some more pointed advice on stuff you could showcase in future rounds to maybe improve your chances of going all the way to the end. So, with that in mind, here goes:

Spoiler:

You've come up with some inspiring stuff so far. I liked the premise of your starborn seeds of manifest denial, but wasn't that intrigued by the name. The Haga is okay, too. Not awe-inspiring, but not bad either. I think what you've really got going for you in both these designs is a solid foundation that doesn't always have the most perfect execution for what you're trying to do. What do I mean by that? Well, for example, with the starborn seeds, your Gygaxian prose took it over the top a bit too much. Now, you admirably reined that in while working on the Haga, and I would go so far as to say you really showed improvement with how your writing conveys exactly what you mean for it to without going over the top on the descriptivenss or making it feel campy. I totally "get" the Haga and like the mythological tropes you sort of invoke with the manner in which you describe it and its abilities. But, from a design decision standpoint...meaning, the creature and concept you selected for the Haga...I don't think you necessarily went with something that would make you stand out. It got you into the next round. But it wasn't a big swing full of mojo that would make it THE monster that everyone would remember next year...or that would linger in everyone's consciousness throughout the rest of this competition. So, from a portfolio-building standpoint, I'm not certain you're laying the foundational blocks that will help you win over the voters.

So, looking forward at the rest of the competition, I think you need to take some risks. You're driving the race car around the track, but you're not setting any speed records...or, to extend the racing analogy, you're not going to find yourself with the pole position out of these time trials. I'd recommend cooking up a big idea...or for Round Three, taking a big idea...and then turning up the volume in a way that demonstrates you've got potential to take the whole RPG Superstar title. But don't just turn up the volume to be loud. You need to turn up the volume to be awesome. Awesome idea. Fully "thought through." With awesome execution to back it up. Get all those elements lined up and you'll have the potential for a homerun that will stick in the minds of everyone watching...and voting. Do something like that and I think it will serve you well for the remainder of the competition.

Best of luck,
--Neil


David/Dementrius:
Uhhh, you do realise that the 'woe' head is laughing itself silly right now because the stakes just doubled....
Better disappoint it. ;)
Well done on getting thus far; still several rounds left before you can start really seriously thinking about that adventure.

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Congratulations! Though you did not get my final vote, I am glad this made it to the next round.

Visual: 8 Charisma
Creativity: 16 Intelligence
Would I use it: 12 Dex
Overall: 15 Strength
I could see this visually, but it did not inspire me. 2 headed critters have been done before. I thought the strong point was in making it an oracle, however that is not a monster for me. Further it is dangerous to seek out their predictions, so my parties would have no reason to not avoid them. IMHO if you could predict the future would you not leave the nest when the adventurer with the red hat walked in? Catch 22 with an oracle: now the monster is avoiding my party. I will use it when I need an oracle, but not as a monster.

Congratulations and good luck!

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