Chymick

[Montalve]

N'wah wrote:

Montalve wrote:

stop saying you love it and begin drawing it to entice us to vote for it :P

The image is done, but I'm not releasing it until after voting is completed precisely because I don't want it give Ben an unfair edge. Not everyone in this year's RPG Superstar has the creator of the Pathfinder Paper Minis as an ex-roommate, so as Ben said, unless I'm drawing everyone's monster (which I don't have time to do), it's an extra sneaky way of getting more votes for Ben to say, "hey, look! This monster's got an illustration for it! Isn't that SWEET?" :P

You'll get to see it as soon after the votes are over as I can manage, schedule permitting.

It is a sweet drawing, though. Might even get a 3-D treatment some time. :D

jejeje fair enough

we can wait :)

[Charles Evans 25]

Benjamin Bruck wrote:

Chymick

Description: A chymick is an intricate winged glass and copper construct about half a foot in length. Often encountered in swarms numbering in the hundreds, these devices closely resemble oversized bees, complete with insectile eyes, strange hair-like protrusions, and short metal stingers at the end of their bulbous glass abdomens.
Unlike most constructs, chymicks must eat to survive, spending much of their time foraging for inorganic matter to consume. They hunger for glass most of all, drawing them into more civilized areas in search of food. Each chymick transmutes this material into a potent magical concoction which it stores within its abdomen. At once both incredibly rich in magical potential and dangerously caustic, chymick essence is highly prized for its uses in alchemy, poison-making, and the brewing of potions and oils.
Those capable of crafting a chymick swarm usually keep them well under control, though some swarms have been known to outlive their owners or their usefulness and establish independent hives.

Powers and Abilities: A chymick swarm is able to rapidly consume most non-living material, though they rarely display this ability on anything other than their favorite food—glass. Whatever a chymick eats, it condenses and refines into a powerful magical extract known as chymick essence. This substance sustains and animates the chymick, bonding it to the rest of the swarm and giving it a measure of independence uncharacteristic of other constructs. More than mere sustenance, chymick swarms also use this vitriolic essence to lend potency to their stings. Even those chymicks who fall to an intruder’s blows have their final revenge as they shatter, sending shards of acid-laden glass into their enemies.

To add to my previous questions from earlier, if glass is not available will silicate minerals such as quartz (including most sand, and occasionally crystals found in mining spoil) do instead for their diet? What about the industrial slag (commonly something along the lines of calcium silicate if my memory serves me correctly) from a metal ore refining industry such as an ironworks?

With regard to potentially stat-blocking such creatures it might be useful to know roughly how much a day a chymick 'eats' (whether of its favoured food supply or of other materials), but fixing specific figures gives people a point to argue from and raises the danger of debates such as 'there would never be that much waste glass (or whatever else) in <insert fantasy city here> to support more than a couple of chymicks', potentially derailing a thread.
Also on the subject of potential stat-blocking, constructs in the Pathfinder Bestiary include construction requirements, and I'm going to be curious to see what ideas might creep into such information to explain how chymicks can convert materials into the essence alchemists love so much.

On other matters, it seems to me that the monster concept you have outlined on this thread is, as currently explained and developed, the one for the monster best suited in this Round for an entry in a bestiary. The creatures seem quirky and interesting, reasonably easy for a GM to deploy at lower levels as encounters, and by mid to high levels, some PCs might be keeping chymick hives as a business or to fuel their own magic item creation.
In other words, you have my first vote of Round 2.

[Winterwalker]

Heathansson wrote:

Demiurge 1138 wrote:

Heathansson wrote:

No, that's not a pun name.

A pun name would be "glass jaw." Because he eats glass. With his jaws. Get it?
"Chyme mick. Get it? Chyme mick?"
No. It's not a pun. Ergo, I don't get it.

I think you mean, I don't get it, ergo it's not a pun. You're putting the cause before the horse, if you will.

It's a monster powered by chyme, with chyme in its name. Hiding. Think of it this way. If it were called an "acidor" or a "digestric", that would be a bad name, right?

Acidor and digestric would be bad names because they sound stupid. They're not puns either, though. Spiderman....the name for a man who....dresses like a spider and gets his powers from being bitten by a radioactive spider....is not a pun name.

Okay....here's a pun name. There was a supervillain made up by Rob Liefield. Named "Forearm." The supervillain had.....guess what....four arms. THAT is a PUN name.
"Chymick" is not a pun name.

Never bring up Rob L.'s name here again. You dirty this entire board. :P

[Dennis Baker]

Writing: I love the initial description of the creature, the imagery is quite vivid and puts me in mind of the "Girl Genius" comic strip. Why did you spend so much effort describing the treasure value which distracts from the main idea?

Originality: Hmm... mechanical bees that eat glass. Certainly different. The construct swarm is and interesting twist too.

Mojo/ spirit: If I found a situation where these would fit into it this would be a fun encounter. I would simplify it and the glass eating bit and treasure value would not make it.

Spoiler:

Writing: My impression of your writing style.
Originality: Is this creature a unique creation? Does it fill a unique niche in the game?
Mojo/ spirit: Do I want to see your creature in my game?

[drakkonflye]

I like this one. Very strong visuals, I can clearly picture the creature in my mind, and I can see them beng used as a sort of living (if you can call constructs alive) bomb if used with a well-timed shatter spell. Send them in, surround the party, cast the spell, and watch the little bugs explode and rain down acid and glass and whatever on the group. Yeah, I'm an evil Dm sometimes, so sue me ;-)

I do have a problem with the "eats glass" thing, though; way too limited. Crystal would be better, as that could include anything from glass to gems, and present a bigger threat. Imagine gnomes or dwarves being plagued by these things raiding their gemstone mines, eating the profits, and the gnomes or dwarves having a hard time getting rid of something that they can't kill without bringing the mountains down on top of them.

As for the name, I think it fits. Look through the old monster manuals and you'll see a fair number of creatures with names based off what they do or what they look like. As a created creature, I can see thse being named "chymick" by there creator because that's basically what they do (although admittedly I had no idea what "chyme" meant before now either).

[cwslyclgh]

I might not have voted for the Chymick, but it is the only monster on here that actually inspired me to do some drawing today.

[IMG]http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj252/cwslyclgh/th_Chymick.jpg[/IMG] Here is a link to what I came up with.

[Benjamin Bruck]

cwslyclgh wrote:

I might not have voted for the Chymick, but it is the only monster on here that actually inspired me to do some drawing today.

[IMG]http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj252/cwslyclgh/th_Chymick.jpg[/IMG] Here is a link to what I came up with.

If I don't comment on your drawing right away, please don't be offended! To be on the safe side, I'm assuming it falls under a similar rule as replying to people's comments, so I'm going to have to wait until the voting ends before I can freely respond.

But thank you for taking the time to illustrate my entry, and thank you for posting it, I appreciate your interest in my monster.

[Jim Groves]

That is a nice picture!

[N'wah]

cwslyclgh wrote:

I might not have voted for the Chymick, but it is the only monster on here that actually inspired me to do some drawing today.

[IMG]http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj252/cwslyclgh/th_Chymick.jpg[/IMG] Here is a link to what I came up with.

OOOH, IT BURRRNNNSSS USSS! :P

Seriously, nice picture. I'll be linking to my picture in this thread when voting's done (as Ben's old roommate and long-time friend, as well as something resembling a professional artist, it could come off as favoritism if I post my art early, possibly leading to a disqualification, so I'm keeping it secret 'til then).

I like the glassy abdomen you designed; mine's got a bit more metal on the top (I justify it as a defensive design).

I don't know if I've had the pleasure of seeing your work before (though the bunny design's familiar); have you considered doing stuff for Wayfinder? If I've seen your stuff, and I've somehow missed it, please correct my ignorance. I will admit, I'm a bit sleepy at the moment (recent bout of insomnia is taking its toll). :P

[Eric Morton]

My thoughts on the chymick...

The Name: A bit too cutesy for my taste, but at least it has more logic to it than a typical nonsense name.

The Description: I really dig this monster, despite the fact that has a bit of a Magic: the Gathering vibe to it. A high-magic, high-fantasy campaign can benefit from that sort of thing every now and again. Granted, glass-eating wasp constructs that generate alchemical goo occupy a very small niche. But on those rare occasions when you need a monster that has a plausible reason to break into alchemical labs and ruin ongoing experiments by trashing glassware, what better than the chymick?

The Powers: I like that the chymick's powers are pretty straighforward. It does exactly what you would expect it to do and little more. That's what a good construct should do. Although I should point out that no mention is made of means to salvage chymick essence from destroyed swarms, a detail which might be of interest to adventuring parties.

The Buzz: You've already got people lining up to illustrate your monster. That has to be a good sign.

The Vote: This is one of eight monsters that I will be considering when it comes time to cast my vote.

[cwslyclgh]

N'wah wrote:

I don't know if I've had the pleasure of seeing your work before (though the bunny design's familiar)

The bunny isn't my art, it is from the killer bunnies card game, which I just uploaded to my photobucket account to link to on another message board because somebody started a thread about were bunnies or something like that. The other art (and maps) on there are mine (with the exception of the back cover art of Module B1, which is by Dave Southerland, as mentioned on the photobucket page).

[Dr. Faustus]

this tiem i couldnt be bothered to read all the replies, so i might regurgitate the same things...

I... am not sold on this. I hold issue with its insatiable appetite for glass. It feels like the characters facing it down could avoid dealing with these things by whipping bottles any direction they please. Additonally, sand would be like an all-out buffet. If thins thing is largely a glass construct, i cant imagine glass doing too much damage before breaking under the weight of its own attack...

Still, it'd be interesting to see where this thing goes, a vote from me!

[Fuelharp]

Cool concept, although I don't dig the "hundreds of oversized bee's", but, you got my vote.

[Starglim]

How did the author respond to the challenge? Good use of the space available to present a logical development of the idea.

How does it stack up

• as an opponent? It sounds as if their primary attack against adventurers will be a swarm of vitriolic stings, together with lots of flying acid and broken glass as opponents attack them. I wonder how this will look in game stats.
  
• as something other than an opponent? The possibility of going feral and making an independent hive is intriguing. I'm a little dubious about the usefulness of their basic feeding behaviour to their creator.
  
• in relation to other monsters? Not many constructed swarms that I've seen.
  
• in relation to the author's item? From a somewhat grim item to a glittery construct monster - that must be almost a unique direction of development for this round. Good to see.
  
• in itself? Good name, very nice visually and potentially an interesting variation on magical servants.
  

I don't know if their internal logic is quite on target but will review this for a final vote.

[Jason Schimmel]

Benjamin Bruck wrote:

Chymick

My initial thought on reading this was "OMG! Tiny swarm of insecticons! I think you gave some good details on their ecology as well as some reasons to actually seek them out. I also like the acid-laden shards of glass aspect. My only curiosity is, who makes these? Are they an experiment gone wrong or is it more of a make them and set them loose some place you want defended. Do they stick in one place as long as their is food? If they like glass would they eat up sand or are they pickier then that. They could be something interesting to add on as another layer of trouble at a key moment in an urban campaign. I'd like to see a stat block on this one if you ever get around to it.

[Erik Randall]

I like this. I can see their crafter milking the abdomens for item components or sending them to eat specific materials in order to synthesize special extracts. In fact, I see that as being a better way of running into PCs than just eating glass in cities and villages. I could also see PCs hunting these for their own components.

They seem fragile, so I hope their sting is nasty to make up for it. I like that shattering them can be lethal, but I can do without the "final revenge" aspect of that. I would rather you just said that if they take too much damage (e.g., more than the hardness of the abdomen), that the abdomen breaks and splashes anyone around them.

Nice work on this.

[Joel Flank]

I like the description of the copper/brass/glass bee swarm, but I'm not sold on needing to create one to process glass. That whole angle seems odd - couldn't the crafter just process the glass on it's own?

As for the powers, I'm not sure how different this is from saying "hmmm, a flying swarm that does a bit of acid damage and even more when it dies." Considering that there are already flying swarms, and I'm pretty sure I've seen both construct swarms and swarms that deal acid damage, this one doesn't seem that original to me.

[varianor]

Benjamin Bruck wrote:

Chymick

cut for space

This is the thirtieth monster that I am looking at. I do not read the comments below the entry before posting my opinion. An apology if this duplicates someone else’s entry, in part or whole.

Glass and copper bee swarms. Mm hm. Must eat inorganic matter to survive. Ah. Interesting. Do they fly from gear to gear, sipping oil like nectar? Maybe that would be silly. Ooh. It makes potions inside it! Like a…what? Would it make more sense to seal the potions within it’s hive? Chymick essence is prized in alchemy. Okay. Well, it’s a construct. How do you get it’s essence? Squeeze the potions out of it?

Powers:
*consume non-living material (already covered)
*favorite food = glass (ayuh)
*refines everything into chymick essence (ah, that there is the explanation)
*animates the swarm and makes it independent and un-constructlike (did you consider an aberration instead?)
*vitriolic essence makes stings powerful (whoa! Wait – it drips acid-like stuff?)
*shatter, sending glass into enemies (Final Laugh Monster!)

Summary: Great idea – a swarm of inorganic construct bees that eat stuff and turn it into potions. Why? What are they doing in the world? Who made these things? Sure, they sound like an alchemist’s wet dream. What merits them fighting the party? I like your imagination. I hope you can expand upon this a bit?

[Tobias Mullen]

Does it grab me visually: Yes! Beautiful and deadly, a swarm of these would be terrifying. Attacking glass is odd, but I like it. The thing that really grabs me about this one, is there is an actual reason for someone to build these: “chymick essence is highly prized for its uses in alchemy, poison-making, and the brewing of potions and oils.” That definitely grabs me for this one.

Would I use it in game:Yes. I’m already thinking of ways to introduce these into my game. Attacking potion bottles (which I don’t think I’ve ever done before) would be a interesting twist on a battle. Glassblowers would hire adventurers to take these out. Many, many uses for these.

Would my players enjoy an encounter with it: Yes. They always enjoy fights with swarms, because it forces you to employ different tactics. And they would go wild on creatures that were attacking their precious potions.

[Craig Johnston]

Benchak comes through again. :)

I like this and can easily picture it as having a glass abdomen filled with the chymick essence sloshing around in it. Very Visual. :)

I'm not a fan of the "swarms numbering in the hundreds" unless they're like CR1/3 or something so that put me off a little, but other than that I really like this Monster a lot.

This is definately in my Keep pile.
Good Luck! :)

P.S. I read the name as 'Ky-mick' so I'll be checking back after voting closes to get your low down on the name as well. :)

[Remco Sommeling]

I could see these as extraplanar bugs from mechanus, it seems ok and somewhat novel, though not mindblowing.. I'll have to read more before I decide to advance this one or not.

[Benjamin Bruck]

First off, thanks everyone who's dropped by and given feedback so far, especially you who I haven't had a chance to thank individually yet. It got increasingly hard for me to post on this thread without actually engaging any of your questions or concerns, so I have been rather hesitant to post at all.

That said, voting is over, and I now that I can actually talk about my entry somewhat, I don't know where to start! I guess I'll start with the name for now, and then come back to address some people's more specific concerns.

Those of you who guessed the chymick/chemic/alchemic connection, you're absolutely right. The name comes from a 17th century woodcut I found in one of my books (about food, of all things) that compared the work of scholars to that of honey bees. The caption read "All plants yield honey as you see to the Industrious Chymick Bee" and then some other stuff in latin, 'chymick' being an olde-timey way of saying chemic or alchemic.

I wanted to riff of the idea of the bee as a metaphor for the alchemist, so I was originally calling it a "Chymick Swarm", in this case chymick being an adjective (so to that person which said it sounds kind of like an adjective, you're right as well!). At some point I decided to shift the focus away from the swarm as the base unit, and focus on the device, where I realized that "Chymick Swarm" could have two meanings. A. A swarm that is alchemic in nature, or B. A swarm made up of something that is called a "chymick".

At that point I said "Hmm, Chymick, you know, actually sounds kind of like a bug, let's go with it!" I was not aware of there being something called "chyme", but looking back on my entry, I can see how it seems to be related (and in fact, sort of regret that I wasn't able to incorporate it somehow).

Pronunciation, I've been going back and forth between "Kai-MICK" and "Kih-MICK", both would be acceptable in my opinion.

Again, thanks to all of you who commented, double thanks to those of you who voted for me, and unspeakable gratitude to those who decided to illustrate my entry. You can find those drawings here:

N'Wah's Chymick
cwslyclgh's Chymick

[Starglim]

Benjamin Bruck wrote:

Those of you who guessed the chymick/chemic/alchemic connection, you're absolutely right. The name comes from a 17th century woodcut I found in one of my books (about food, of all things) that compared the work of scholars to that of honey bees. The caption read "All plants yield honey as you see to the Industrious Chymick Bee" and then some other stuff in latin, 'chymick' being an olde-timey way of saying chemic or alchemic.

The creature also makes and contains chyme (a rich partly-digested liquid) which no doubt comes from the same root as well.

[Benjamin Bruck]

Starglim wrote:

Benjamin Bruck wrote:

Those of you who guessed the chymick/chemic/alchemic connection, you're absolutely right. The name comes from a 17th century woodcut I found in one of my books (about food, of all things) that compared the work of scholars to that of honey bees. The caption read "All plants yield honey as you see to the Industrious Chymick Bee" and then some other stuff in latin, 'chymick' being an olde-timey way of saying chemic or alchemic.

The creature also makes and contains chyme (a rich partly-digested liquid) which no doubt comes from the same root as well.

Both are related to the greek khymos or juice, yes (Chyme quite directly derived from it in fact), though it's possible that alchemy may have come instead from from the greek name for Egypt, Khemia lit. "land of black earth".

This according to the internets, who never lie to me.

And like I said, I rather wish I had been aware of chyme when I wrote my entry, as it does fit the concept and theme pretty well.

[Illessa]

Benjamin Bruck wrote:

Those of you who guessed the chymick/chemic/alchemic connection, you're absolutely right. The name comes from a 17th century woodcut I found in one of my books (about food, of all things) that compared the work of scholars to that of honey bees. The caption read "All plants yield honey as you see to the Industrious Chymick Bee" and then some other stuff in latin, 'chymick' being an olde-timey way of saying chemic or alchemic.

OK, I may have been wrong about the chyme portmanteau (though I might just choose to believe you totally intended it :P), but that's an awesome quote to base a monster on. I like it even more now!

[Jim Groves]

Congratulations Ben!

[Neil Spicer]

Ben:
First of all, congratulations on making it to the Top 16. I thought I would wait until after the voting for Round Two ended before offering any commentary or advice. And I'm going to come at it a little differently, in that I'm not going to focus primarily on your design this round. Rather, I'm going to have a go at examining your entire portfolio to this point to sort of assess what you've done well, where you could shore up a few things in your overall design and writing, and then give you some more pointed advice on stuff you could showcase in future rounds to maybe improve your chances of going all the way to the end. So, with that in mind, here goes:

Spoiler:

In my earlier comments on your steadfast gut-stone, I wasn't that enamored with the name. It grew on me, of course...just nothing that screamed inspiration or mojo at the time. With your Chymick, I'm not completely sold on that name either. It's okay. I neither like, nor dislike it. And it may grow on me over time, as well. But, if I were thumbing through a book of monsters, I don't know that Chymick would give me pause to stop and read about it. The name also doesn't evoke any kind of immediate imagery in my head. So, I'm left with the descriptive text (and maybe the artwork that would accompany such a monster) to draw me in.

On that score, you don't disappoint. In fact, I've got to say that with both the steadfast gut-stone and the Chymick, you have such great foundational ideas with what you're crafting, that the descriptive text really enhances what you're doing. I can imagine the gut-stone doing its thing beneath the surface of someone's skin. And I can totally envision the Chymick swarm with their glass-like abdomens going about their business devouring glass and creating Chymick essence that others might want to harvest. So, your writing from that standpoint...while not always the most flowing or verbose (which isn't necessarily a bad thing)...is completely functional, well-crafted, and accomplishes exactly what you set out to describe. So, I think that's a real strength of yours. You don't mess around and you get right to the heart of what matters in your designs. I think that will serve you well as you go forward.

Next up, I'd like to touch briefly on your mechanical execution. To me, the steadfast gut-stone wasn't just an innovative idea for a new wondrous item. It worked with some really great mechanics behind it. And, though Round Two didn't get into the mechanical aspects of the Chymick, it was clear to me from the foundation of your writing where the powers and abilities were headed. I think you planned out those abilities pretty well. And though you don't get to stat up your own monster for Round Three, you've laid the groundwork well enough that it should prove easy for someone else to follow up on it. So, good job on that.

Looking forward at the rest of the competition, I have to admit that I like the ideas you keep presenting. That's a sign of mojo. Your steadfast gut-stone made the Top 5 favorites of a lot of people. And, from the exit polling, it appears that your Chymick made the Top 3. To me, that's an indication that you've got the capacity for taking a really big swing for the fence and absolutely nailing something. So you're doing really well so far. Don't get cocky, though. Your writing still isn't the most evocative so far. But your innovation, creativity, and ideas are very, very good. If I have any advice for you, it would to keep doing what you're doing, but look for ways to take "the road less traveled" in a sense that you show you've got trailblazing potential worthy of the RPG Superstar title. The stat-block round here in Round Three might not be the best way to demonstrate that. But, if you can showcase a complete mastery of the rules on how you put together a stat-block while also unleashing your creative ideas with awesome descriptive text to back it up, I think you could pull off something truly memorable and go very far in this contest. So look for an opportunity to really blow people away. See if you can establish the "standout" submission of this year's contest that everyone will talk about next year. Pull that off, and you're in this for the longhaul.

Best of luck,
--Neil

[Charles Evans 25]

To perhaps offer a contrasting viewpoint to Neil on one point, taking the 'road less travelled' can be dangerous. Neil took a big risk last year with his Sharina entry when he chose a road likely to be completely otherwise untravelled, and he had one more Round of popularity and acclaim behind him to shore up his vote. It paid off for him as he at least wasn't fighting any other entries that had provided lairs for the same villain, but Sharina herself could have still smothered him... (I was a big fan of his work last year, but terrified he'd go out with the Sharina lair, as I really wanted to see what adventure proposal he had.)

I feel you did a good solid job here, and I hope you can produce more of the same for Round 3 - indeed I look forward to seeing what you can make of one of the other entries, as I felt you were the strongest contestant with the best entry this Round. Whatever you did this Round, if it was what works best for you, I want to see more of that, please! :)

But, part of being Superstar, perhaps, is paying attention to others, but in the end making your own mind up for yourself.
Don't let any of us cajole you into doing something your gut says would be bad.

Oh, and congratulations on making the top 16. :D

[French Wolf]

Well done Ben, and good luck with the next round. I'd like to be in a position to vote for you again. You've done good, keep it up.

Cheers

[Curaigh]

Hopefully what I am offering will help your writing/design in future rounds.

Visual: 18 Charisma
Creativity: 15 Intelligence
Would I use it: 10 Dex
Overall: 15 Strength
If not for the swarm bit, I would be a lot more interested in this critter. The visuals have been mentioned by everyone and they gripped me as well. You kept me with the glass eating though in my head I expanded it to crystal, ceramic and other shatterables. Rust monster makes sword and shield guys quiver, this could easily be the magic item equivalent--but not quite. For potions definately, but after higher levels, those are less common. A swarm of these things would never fail to destroy every potion you have--and all or nothings are not fun for me. Which is why my low score falls into the use.

Still I think this could be memorable critter and for that you got my vote. Congratulations and good luck in the next round!