Hi all !!

I'm a beginner and I hope to learn to be a good author.
It’s my first scenario for paizo and maybe a good soul can give me any advices? :)

Title

The evil winter of Falcon’s Hollow

Introduction
In this winter in the small village of Falcon’s hollow, the day of the father winter will be celebrated. Many travelers stay here because they are blocked by snow or are attracted by the festivities. However this year, the winter is unnatural hard around this village and the fear can be perceived on the face of peasant.

Summary

The PC is dispatched by the pathfinder society to find any clue about the eternal ice idol in the Falcon's Hollow. The adventure starts with a festival of winter father in Falcon’s Hollow. A pack of wolf with a satyr attacks the village. They discover that this satyr has a bond with the artifact and the daughter of mayor has been kidnapped. The village peasants give some informations about the mountain and a cursed woodcutter camp.

After a day of travel, the group encounters a band of gobelin. They try to destroy the bridge and gain time for the satyr master. The combat have a limited time and if the bridge is destroyed, they must make a detour to continue the chase.

Near the woodcutter camp, the curse of snow attacks the group. An enigma and a fight with ice zombie are started. All zombies continue to attack if the group doesn’t find the word to cancel the curse temporally.

After they find the word to cancel the curse, the group must defeat the ice elemental in the woodcutter. He discovered the ancient book of the woodcutter chief. They know the position of tumulus.

The group continues to travel and maybe encounter a creature during the travel (test of random encounter). The tumulus is guarded by satyrs but PCs have the advantage of the surprise to defeat them.

For each encounter, the group has a penalty if they have been too slow. The ritual is finished if the group is too slow but they can defeat him before he takes the news ice witch in the mountain.

Summary of each encounter
Encounter 1 The wrath of wolfs

A Fire starts during the festival of the winter father and a pack of wolf with a satyr attack the group.

Encounter 2 The bridge

This fight start when the group see a group of goblin want to destroy the bridge that go to the tumulus of eternal ice. The fight during 6 rounds and each round, a little joke with a goblin try to break the bridge with different object. (All objects is useless to cut this bridge)

Encounter 3 The curse of snow
Player heard a strange poem and the curse are started. Each character fight ice zombie but he can stop the curse if they discover the title of this poem.

Encounter 4 The ice avenger
A tempest comes and all players need to go in the camp of woodcutter. Some ice elemental come to fight.

Encounter 5 Guard of Dolmen
A little group of satyr defends the dolmen and try to stop the group.

Encounter 6 Atrish the druid satyr
The boss tries to accomplish the ritual. The satyr is a specialist of invocation and tries to submerge the group with them.

Tier 1-2
Atrish CR 4
Male satyr druid 2
CN medium fey
Init +3; low-light vision, limited word
DEFENSE
AC 19 (+3 Dex, +4 natural, +2 armor)
hp 42 (5d6+10 + 2d8+4 )
Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +8
DR 5/Cold iron
OFFENSE
Spd 40 ft.
Melee : +4 masterwork scythe (2d4 +2)
Distance +5 Icicles D6+1
TACTICS
Before Combat limited word
During Combat limited word
Morale If brought below 8 hit points, he tries to escape in the mountain and contact his master an ancient white dragon.
STATISTICS
Str 12, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 15, Cha 13
Base Atk +3;
Feats Alertness, Dodge, mobility, Nature bond(domain water), Nature sense, orison, wild empathy, Woodland Stride.
Skills limited word
Spells Prepared (CL 2rd)
1st – summon natural x2, entangle, cure light wound, obscuring mist,D
D: Domain spells Deity: Ice totem Domains: Water Languages Common, Sylvan
Gear Potion of light cure wound, Bracers of armor +2

Conclusion
If the daughter of mayor is possessed by the artifact. She tries to join the pathfinder society and want to gain some power with it.

If Artrish is not killed then he goes to inform the situation to an ancient white dragon in the mountain.

Thanks.

Hi Ekmule,

After reading this, I'm assuming English isn't your native language. I suggest getting a friend to look over your grammar before submitting. As written, this would create a lot of work for the editors.

The first thing that caught my attention was the stat block at the end. Detailed stat blocks do not belong in the initial proposal. This simply takes up way too many words. Taking it out would free up some space to go into more detail about the festival of the winter father and the curse.

Intro and Summary:
This is a good start, but more detail would be better. Why has the daughter of the mayor been kidnapped? Is the "test of random encounter" meant to be the required optional encounter? There shouldn't be any random encounters. All encounters should relate to the overall story. I learned this the hard way in my previous rejected submissions. Finally, who is the ice witch in the mountain? Is she the boss villain and the satyr is her minion? What are her goals and what is her involvement in this scenario?

Encounter 1 The wrath of wolfs

A Fire starts during the festival of the winter father and a pack of wolf with a satyr attack the group.

Nice work combining an environmental hazard (the fire) with the monsters. This should make for an exciting fight. Why are the wolves and satyr attacking though?

Encounter 2 The bridge

This fight start when the group see a group of goblin want to destroy the bridge that go to the tumulus of eternal ice. The fight during 6 rounds and each round, a little joke with a goblin try to break the bridge with different object. (All objects is useless to cut this bridge)

The goblins trying to destroy the bridge is my favorite encounter in this scenario. I'm a little confused when you say all objects are useless to cut this bridge. Is there any way the goblins can actually destroy the bridge or are they meant to fail?

Encounter 3 The curse of snow
Player heard a strange poem and the curse are started. Each character fight ice zombie but he can stop the curse if they discover the title of this poem.

So a cursed poem is raising ice zombies from the dead? That's cool, but where did this poem come from and how would the PCs go about discovering the poem's name?

Encounter 4 The ice avenger
A tempest comes and all players need to go in the camp of woodcutter. Some ice elemental come to fight.

What if the PCs don't take shelter in the woodcutters' camp? You can encourage them to do so, but you can't force player action. Who summoned the ice elemental? Is this part of the curse as well?

Encounter 5 Guard of Dolmen
A little group of satyr defends the dolmen and try to stop the group.

What happens in between encounters 4 and 5 to lead the PCs from the woodcutters' camp to the dolmen? Is this tomb where the boss is hanging out trying to complete the ritual?

Encounter 6 Atrish the druid satyr
The boss tries to accomplish the ritual. The satyr is a specialist of invocation and tries to submerge the group with them.

This is much too vague. What does the ritual do and what does the satyr need to do in order to complete it?

Conclusion
If the daughter of mayor is possessed by the artifact. She tries to join the pathfinder society and want to gain some power with it.

If Artrish is not killed then he goes to inform the situation to an ancient white dragon in the mountain.

What is this artifact anyway? The scenario seems to revolve it, but you never describe it. Earlier, you said Artrish reported to the ice witch in the mountains, now you say he informs a white dragon. Is he working for both or are these two meant to be the same character?

I love the overall feel of this submission, a race against time to stop the curse, but it could be cleaned up quite a bit. Good luck with your future submissions!

If nothing else, you gave me a wonderful idea...

You see, my Falcon's Hollow campaign is on hiatus while two of my regulars live a year abroad. Meanwhile, we're playing a private campaign using the PFS scenarios..

Revisiting Falcon's Hollow with these new characters would be wicked... especially since one of the PC's previous characters still live there.

Sorry to see that your proposal was rejected and that I cannot provide you with any useful help, but you did give me a great idea, and that must count for something, eh? ;)

Thanks Elizabeth and Trellian.

I'm working hard to increase my skills in English but it's not really easy.

Well thank you so much for all your advice Elizabeth! :)

For the next scenario, I'll try to add more details about the background and I'll delete random encounter and the block stat of the boss