My submission- Bedlam in the Backwoods (rejected)


Society Scenario Submissions


Hello everybody,
This is my first attempt at writing an adventure. Please let me know what you think.

Bedlam in the Backwoods
Venture-Captain Colson Maldris sends the PCs to the downtrodden village of Falcon's Hollow. There they meet up with the Pathfinder Jared Millis during the early winter season. Jared has a lead on a dwarven artifact in the possession of the Lumber Consortium at their lumber camp on the River Foam. The Society fears that if the Lumber Consortium sells the artifact, the consortium will gain more power in the region with the money that was gained. The Pathfinders cannot allow the artifact to be sold.

The PCs meet up with Jared at his campsite behind the burnt remains of Elara’s halfway house. Jared explains that they are after a dwarven artifact. Jared informs the PCs that they need to investigate the lumber camp on River Foam and he will search the other lumber camp. Jared will meet back with them at dusk.

When the PCs arrive at the lumber camp they are dragged into the midst of a battle between fey and werewolves. To make it out alive, the PCs must choose a side. The lumber yard has deadly machines that could harm the players if not careful around them. After the attack, the PCs cannot find the artifact in the camp. Clues lead the PCs back to Falcon's Hollow and to Thaldrin Kreed's house.

PCs wait for Jared at the camp but he never returns. The PCs walk into town to find Kreed’s house. Here the PCs encounter Thaldrin Kreed; the man who owns Falcon's Hollow and rules it with an iron fist. Kreed meets the PCs somewhere in town. He taunts the PCs knowing that they are here to steal his artifact, but does not let on to that fact. If the PCs were to attack, they would be slaughtered by his thugs.

Later that night, before the PCs make it to Kreed’s house a group of werewolves or fey attack the PCs because of the PCs involvement during the battle at the lumber camp the day before.

After the fight the PCs break into Kreed’s house through the cellar entrance. Thugs guard the back of the house. The PCs can sneak or kill the thugs to get to the door. In the basement the PCs find Jared tied up and beaten. Before the PCs can untie Jared, A group of thugs runs into the room to fight the PCs. PCs search the basement, but find no trace of the artifact. They drag Jared along with them. He can barely walk.

PCs walk up to the first floor. They can search around the first floor. Groups of thugs come out of one of the doors and attack the PCs. After the battle the PCs have only one door they can enter. This door leads to Kreed’s office.

Kreed sits at his desk clapping his hands, mocking the PCs at how moronic they are to think he did not know why they were in town. The PCs could try and talk their way out of this by bluffing or by joining him. Kreed always needs more spies. The PCs could try and fight their way out. The room is filled with thugs. If the PCs defeat the thugs, Kreed escapes when the odds turn against him. PCs search the room and find the artifact. PCs can try and open the trap door that Kreed fled through, but it will not open.

1. Battle between fey and werewolves, PCs choose a side to fight for. Lumberjack machines could kill PCs also if not careful
2. PCs are taunted by Kreed in front of all the towns people
3. Optional : Group of Werewolves or fey attack the PCs while the PCs are getting ready to enter Kreed’s house
4. PCs subdue the thugs at the cellar entrance
5. Thugs run into the room that holds the PCs and Jared
6. Thugs rush out from their rooms to attack PCs on the first floor
7. Meeting with Kreed and battle against his thugs in office

The PCs learn from Kreed that the artifact was fey origin not dwarven. The fey attacks earlier on the camp were caused by the theft of the artifacts from the Darkmoon woods. The werewolves were lumberjacks in disguise that the fey attacked looking for the artifact. The PCs could have joined the ranks of Kreed’s thugs or retrieved the artifact from him. Once the PCs have the artifact, they could keep it, sell it or give it back to the fey

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012

Hello, Patrick. With the usual caveat that I have yet to get an accepted scenario, here are my impressions:

You did an excellent job of involving the Pathfinder Society and grounding the adventure in Falcon's Hollow. I think Josh was looking for something that plays to the established themes there.

The scenario reads more like a fictional account of the party's adventure. I think you need to tighten things up in the introduction and summary. Avoid sentences like, "Kreed sits at his desk clapping his hands, mocking the PCs at how moronic they are to think he did not know why they were in town." That is something you can probably put in when you develop your adventure.

I got called out for this in my scenario, and the critique has merit: Don't include Kreed (or a similar major figure in future scenario submissions) in a potential combat encounter.

I think you'd want to mention the fey origin of the artifact in the introduction. Additionally, you'd want to have an encounter at or near the end of the adventure to resolve the conflict with the fey and their desire to retrieve the artifact.

I encourage you to keep trying, and I wish the best of luck with future scenario submissions!

Dark Archive

First time, awesome! Congratulations on your first submission. Dont feel bad though. The road to success is built upon failure. If you dont try, you will never know "what if". Please take my comments as creative/ constructive critizisim and not viewed like a verbal beating.

The Good: Nice Title. 749 words. The word "Venture-Captain" was handled correctly. You have done your research on Falcon's Hollow and the surrounding areas. The adventure idea is straight forward. Touching base to some locations from other modules works (Elara's) but be careful not to redo what has already been published. Choosing a side(werewolf or fey) in encounter 1 is an interesting opportunity however, a choice requires you to have two answers. What happens if the players choose a side? How does this affect later encounters? I like how when the PCs finally save Jared, you clarify a few things. Why does Kreed need to keep Jared around though?

The Bad: The motive for the PFS is a little weak in the beginning. My impression of of the PFS is they are not as much against Mr. Kreed's rise to power as they are interested in the collecting and preserving of artifacts. Less on the power struggle angle and more on the "save artifact X from being sold to the wrong hands in the black market". In encounter 1, if "to make it out alive" the players have to either choose option A or option B, this may make the encounter unbeatable and would not be fun to play. What if the party waited till one side won the encounter, and then decided to attack the other, so then option C is created. The deadly machines idea is already covered in module E1 Carnival of Tears (you may not already know this but unfortunately in this case "ignorance of the law will still throw you in jail" so to speak, this may make the senario seem to be a rehash of older material. Why are the fey and the werewolves attacking each other in the cutyard? Where are the jacks and Kreed's hired goons? Using a major NPC in a combat encounter is not a good idea. Any encounter where the words "If the PCs were to attack, they would be slaughtered" is probably not a good idea. In Encounter 3, I would like to see more detail in how the first encounter affects this encounter. Maybe even some tactics used. "Werewolves attack before they enter Kreed's house, is not clear enough to me what you intend to do with the encounter. Is there a connection to Kreed and the fey/werewolf? The fey/werewolf encounter would be better placed outside of Falcon's hollow, maybe even at the very site where Jared was to meet them. Encouter 4 is ok, but needs flavor(RoofTop guards,private gate entrance bodyguards maybe even a personal executioner/hitman)?
I like the fact the final encounter is more a roleplaying encounter, but Kreed does not need to be the one to do this. An created underling would be more suited and then you would not need to use the trapdoor with that option.

What I would improve on: There is very little I think you need to change other than the fact it might have been too closely related to other printed material. Major NPCs need to be indirectly related to the senario and not "in the flesh" IMO. Push the encounters a bit on the uniqueness factor. These are minor things, your core idea is good and I have a feeling you have a decent chance at getting published one day. Good luck next open call.


Thank you for taking the time to read my scenario. you guys made some great points and suggestions. I think my next submission will be that much better because of your advise.

thanks

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