Trench |
So I tried and didn't get in. Ah well.
Feel free and look if you wish. Now admittedly, I'm not overly familiar with the world, but I worked with what sources I could find.
Fallen From Grace
Introduction:
The greatest promise of being a Pathfinder is the chance of being remembered.
A group of Pathfinders walked into a cave in Druskor's Crag. Months later, one gaunt, traumatized paladin walked out. He had no treasure to show for their sacrifice - just the Pathfinder journal, which detailed more of the ancient dwarven kingdom than had ever been seen by human eyes. Saddling his giant eagle mount Aglaia, he flew toward the nearby town of Falcon's Hollow, vowing that his companion's lives would not be in vain and that their story would live on.
He failed.
They were above the forest when the carnivorous pixies ambushed them. The exhausted paladin succumbed to their sleep arrows and fell to his death through an ettercap's lair, who quickly claimed the body to terrify nearby loggers.
The paladin's heartbroken mount searched the forest, but the ettercap hid the paladin too well. Aglaia, mad with grief, hunted the invisible assassins. After many guerilla attacks Aglaia chased the fey to the mountains, where she triggered an ancient dwarven relic transforming her into metal and trapping her within the caves. The mount, along with the paladin's saddlebags and journal, sat in the dark to recover, mourn... and nurse its hatred.
Summary:
The Pathfinder Society wants to recover the journal and sends the party to investigate Falcon's Hollow, where the adventurers were last seen. After convincing local authorities they aren't there to ruin their illicit plans, the party follows the trail to an ettercap's trapped lair. Defeating the ettercap reveals nothing but they find Aglaia's trail. The party may encounter remnants of the fey hunting party before coming to the dwarven obelisk that seals Aglaia 's lair. After solving the obelisk's puzzle, which may turn the party into various elements, the grief-maddened, altered Aglaia attacks.
Encounters:
1- Lumberjacks report that a dead and mutilated paladin matching the party's description haunts their job sites. Before they can investigate, Lumber Consortium thugs confront the party as the Guild thinks they are here to stop an illegal Darkwood smuggling deal. The party can talk past them with social skills or defeat the guards. (Tier1: 2 fighters, 3: 4 fighters, 6: 8 fighters)
2- The trail leads to the forest, where a sick paladin ghost marionette suspended by nearly invisible webs is constructed. The ettercap uses the body to lead them toward a series of traps. (Tier1: Pit Trap, 2: + Hail of Needles, 3: + Poison Wall Spikes)
3- The party barely has time to consider the lack of evidence on the body before the enraged ettercap attacks, leaping and hiding between branches to attack the party at a distance. The party can climb trees to close to melee range, requiring Reflex and Balance checks to navigate. (Tier1: ettercap, 3: ettercap monk 2, 6: ettercap monk 5)
4- (Optional) After killing or capturing the ettercap, the party finds Aglaia's vengeful trail of feathers and dead pixies. The party may be ambushed by what remains of the starving, harried fey. If any are captured, they reveal Aglaia's location and confirm the mount had saddlebags containing the paladin's equipment. (Tier1: 1 pixie, 3: 2 pixies, 6: 4 pixies)
5- The party arrives at a rune-carved obelisk- a security gate developed by ancient dwarven alchemists. Pressing the runes in the correct order (determined by the periodic table, and NOT monetary value as greedy adventurers are likely to think) will open the cavern doors trapping Aglaia within. Incorrect answers will subject them to temporary (negative and beneficial) effects, as they become stinking clouds of chlorine or hard iron or flimsy tin. Knowledge and Alchemy checks will reveal the combination, although player knowledge of chemistry will also help. If too many wrong runes are pressed, the relic will overload and shatter- freeing Aglaia and damaging the players, who will now have to fight the mount while transformed into various elements! (Tier1: 7 wrong answers allowed. 3: 5, 6: 3)
6- Aglaia, now freed, attacks the party in a haze of rage and grief. The party will have to somehow subdue the mount to recover the journal. (Aglaia advanced using Green Ronin's "Advanced Bestiary", page 170-2 Tier1: Giant Eagle - Brass, 2: Iron 3: Mithral)
Conclusion:
If they succeed, the party honors the Pathfinder's promise and saves the journal from obscurity. If they fail, their fellow Pathfinder's sacrifice will be in vain and no one will know what they discovered in Droskar's Crag. Worse, no one will remember their names.
Charles Evans 25 |
(edited, expanded upon)
First of all, welcome to the Paizo boards, Trench.
Now to business. I assume, since you post here, that you might be looking for feedback. My first impression is that in the opening paragraphs you spell 'Droskar's Crag' wrong. I know, I know, it's a fantasy place name, so the spell-checker doesn't work very well when it comes to letting you know if the spelling is right or wrong.
Your encounters 2 & 3 are something that could be considered just one encounter. So now you're possibly an encounter short, too.
The party might be attacked by carnivorous pixies? What happens when PCs get side-trekked trying to figure out why the pixies are carnivorous? That isn't usual pixie behaviour.
Periodic Table? Hmm. A number of us [Paizo customers/fans] discussed this the other night in the chatroom, and in particular whether or not this would exist in the exact same format in Golarion (if at all)? Regardless, you don't consider what skills/knowledge checks might be used to deal with this puzzle - important especially if the players haven't got any idea what's going on and want to rely on their characters' skill-sets to try to deal with the problem. (By the way, if the artefact 'security gate' blows up when it transforms things, why is it intact again now, having transformed the eagle earlier?)
Better luck next time.
NB
Play, watch people play, or better yet read and GM some PFS modules to get a 'feel' for how they run, and what they do. I've read a couple and seen others played and I'm really not getting the same vibe from your outline as I have had from PFS modules.
AngrySpirit |
Not going to hide this in a spoiler because its not offical material.
Please take my comments as a creative critique, its not meant to hurt feelings. thx
The Good:748 words. Nice Title. Interesting back story and I am wondering if you had no word limit you could elaborate on some of the gaps I am seeing. Knowledge of the Falcon's Hollow area is good. The idea of using the paladin's body as a trap was interesting.
The Bad: Droskar's Crag was mispelled in the introduction. Josh is tough on proper names of offical products and expects to not to see those kinds of mistakes. I did not see the strong tie to why the party is looking for the journal. How did the PFS know to look for the paladin? How would the PFS be assured the information was contained in the journal?
In the summary, you mentioned the group goes to Falcon's Hollow and
"After convincing local authorities they aren't there to ruin their illicit plans" which could be an encounter all by itself, however, in the first encounter, you have the players facing off with the Lumber Consortium for that same reason.
Encounter 2, The ettercaps have an intelligence of 6. Traps, maybe, but using the corpse as a "ghost" is a little more complicated IMO. Did the jacks in the area not see the ettercap webs everywhere? The idea of finding the body and not seeing the journal there will discourage the players unless they have some connection with the mount. Do the players know about the mount at that point in the senario? I dont think there is a strong enough lead into the 4th encounter, which you have as optional by the way.
Carnivorous pixies are interesting, but you would have to create a template or new monster. They are considered neutral good in the monster manual, with the ability to detect good, detect law and detect thoughts. Would they have attacked the paladin? This would require some rule bending.
I love the obelisk idea and it ties into the creature in part 6 however, maybe you should have given a little more detail on how to pass the trap. The periodic table might be a bit more complicated for the average player.
Suggesting an outside source for further reading is good. Not sure if Green Ronin's "Advanced Bestiary" is one that is approveable. Suggesting a creature out of the Adventure Path series may be more what the editor wants to see.
What I would suggest: Make stronger ties between encounters. The encounters have to be able to clearly lead to each other in a four hour session. I also think Josh may have felt this senario was a bit too much like the products you have read. Encounter one, while true to the campaign area has been done before in a previous product. Stay on top of your theme and be diffrent than what you have read before.
Good try though. I hope this helps.
taig RPG Superstar 2012 |
Trench |
Thanks so far guys.
The only Scenario I've read was Shipyard Rats, so far. So if there were similarities to others, I likely missed them.
Good point on the point of Encounter 2 and 3 being somewhat one encounter. I think in my head I had the ettercap leading the party with the paladin body through the traps before they caught up to it.
I guess I thought the encounters did lead to the next, but perhaps I need to make it more explicit.
Trench |
Now to business. I assume, since you post here, that you might be looking for feedback. My first impression is that in the opening paragraphs you spell 'Droskar's Crag' wrong. I know, I know, it's a fantasy place name, so the spell-checker doesn't work very well when it comes to letting you know if the spelling is right or wrong.
D'oh.
The party might be attacked by carnivorous pixies? What happens when PCs get side-trekked trying to figure out why the pixies are carnivorous? That isn't usual pixie behaviour.
heh. I remember reading that the fey were somewhat malicious in the Falcon's Hollow supplements I skimmed, so I thought this would simply fit right in. Chalk it up to not knowing the world well enough. In my campaigns, alignments are very fluid. It's not unusual to see evil or good versions of various monster races.
Periodic Table? Hmm. A number of us [Paizo customers/fans] discussed this the other night in the chatroom, and in particular whether or not this would exist in the exact same format in Golarion (if at all)? Regardless, you don't consider what skills/knowledge checks might be used to deal with this puzzle - important especially if the players haven't got any idea what's going on and want to rely on their characters' skill-sets to try to deal with the problem. (By the way, if the artefact 'security gate' blows up when it transforms things, why is it intact again now, having transformed the eagle earlier?)
I did think of that, admittedly, but liked the idea of PC's being transformed into elements a la Metamorpho too much to jettison it. The Alchemy and Arcana skills would help, but that's why I put in a "trigger" option once the PC's kept guessing so they could still get past it. As for the blow-up, it didn't blow up for the mount- but when the PC's start playing with it and guess incorrectly a set number of times, then it'd go.
Thanks for the feedback. No offense taken at all.
Trench |
The Good:748 words. Nice Title. Interesting back story and I am wondering if you had no word limit you could elaborate on some of the gaps I am seeing. Knowledge of the Falcon's Hollow area is good. The idea of using the paladin's body as a trap was interesting.
Danke.
The Bad: Droskar's Crag was mispelled in the introduction. Josh is tough on proper names of offical products and expects to not to see those kinds of mistakes. I did not see the strong tie to why the party is looking for the journal. How did the PFS know to look for the paladin? How would the PFS be assured the information was contained in the journal?
GRR on the spelling. I totally thought I double checked all those. Ah well.
And point. I had the paladin or party wizard send a sending spell before their death so that the Society would know where to look, but that detail couldn't fit in the word count sadly.
In the summary, you mentioned the group goes to Falcon's Hollow and
"After convincing local authorities they aren't there to ruin their illicit plans" which could be an encounter all by itself, however, in the first encounter, you have the players facing off with the Lumber Consortium for that same reason.
They're one in the same encounter actually. I probably wasn't clear. The encounter was meant to be roleplay with potential of going combat. The party would get XP for defeating them in combat or diplomacy.
Encounter 2, The ettercaps have an intelligence of 6. Traps, maybe, but using the corpse as a "ghost" is a little more complicated IMO. Did the jacks in the area not see the ettercap webs everywhere? The idea of finding the body and not seeing the journal there will discourage the players unless they have some connection with the mount. Do the players know about the mount at that point in the senario? I dont think there is a strong enough lead into the 4th encounter, which you have as optional by the way.
See for me, INT doesn't equal cleverness. The ettercap was using the paladin as a marionette/lure for the PC's to bring it into the traps and once they caught up the body was when the ettercap attacked. You probably have a point, but I can't help but like clever bad guys. heh. As for webs, nope. They were likely high in the trees- again a detail I perhaps should have mentioned. But good point on there not being a solid enough hook to lead them to 4. A trail of feather and broken branches may not be enough.
Carnivorous pixies are interesting, but you would have to create a template or new monster. They are considered neutral good in the monster manual, with the ability to detect good, detect law and detect thoughts. Would they have attacked the paladin? This would require some rule bending.
This might just be a playstyle difference I suppose. The campaigns I always run and play in are... fluid with identity to say the least. I'm currently running a Ptolus City Watch/police procedural campaign that's very China Mievielle meets The Wire. No one assumes any creature is their assigned alignment in my world... There's good troll watchmen and evil, mutilated fey stalking the city as serial killers. But that's probably me making the mistake of transporting my own conception into this world, which is totally mea culpa.
Suggesting an outside source for further reading is good. Not sure if Green Ronin's "Advanced Bestiary" is one that is approveable. Suggesting a creature out of the Adventure Path series may be more what the editor wants to see.
The Advanced Bestiary was OGL. I did check on that, but if someone can correct or confirm that I'd be grateful.
What I would suggest: Make stronger ties between encounters. The encounters have to be able to clearly lead to each other in a four hour session. I also think Josh may have felt this senario was a bit too much like the products you have read. Encounter one, while true to the campaign area has been done before in a previous product. Stay on top of your theme and be diffrent than what you have read before.
heh. That's really funny given that the only scenario I've read was Shipyard rats. I've never read more of Kobold King or Carnival of Tears aside from the summaries just to get a feel for the area.
But thank you for the feedback. Quite helpful.