KC is Ignoring Sharoth and Spanky Thread


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This is totally awesome.


Who're you?


Yknaps the Lesserprechaun wrote:
Who're you?

*Decapitates*


~shakes my head and walks away~ Kobolds! Why does it have to be Kobolds?


Sharoth wrote:
Kobolds! Why does it have to be Kobolds?

Are those the little lizard things that run around pretending to be really good miners like dwarves? Then when an adventuring party comes along, the lizards lose bladder control and run away screaming.


Sharoth wrote:
~shakes my head and walks away~ Kobolds! Why does it have to be Kobolds?

*Sniff*

Ew, I smell gecko dung.
Oi! Kobolds are better miners! Dwarves suck at mining, they don't even have a bonus!


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Oi! Kobolds are better miners! Dwarves suck at mining, they don't even have a bonus!

Suuuuure they are! That's why you always see some many folks trying to find the famous lost kobold mines/kingdoms.

Oh, wait.....


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
This is totally awesome.

{incoming from the Astral} Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!- <WHUMP!> Ouchie?

<WHUMP!> Hey, this demiplane <WHUMP!> has some sort <WHUMP!> of Astral barrier! <WHUMP!><WHUMP!><WHUMP!>

I can't get in! I can sorta make out KC in there, but I'm locked out.

{flags down group of passing humanoids} Hey, could any of you githyankis- {githzerai stop and attack} Yikes! Hey, you almost hit me! Don't you like friendly spiders? {runs for life}


Yknaps the Lesserprechaun wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Oi! Kobolds are better miners! Dwarves suck at mining, they don't even have a bonus!

Suuuuure they are! That's why you always see some many folks trying to find the famous lost kobold mines/kingdoms.

Oh, wait.....

It--that's because of the stupid Wizards! They can't stand Lawful Evil races being economically successful!


KC...whatchya DOO-IIN'?????????????????????????

Searches for lock to the sliding glass door, unlocks and opens it for Wolfie.


Kobie, KC's #1 Buddy wrote:

KC...whatchya DOO-IIN'?????????????????????????

Searches for lock to the sliding glass door, unlocks and opens it for Wolfie.

Gah! Ward!


Now Cleave...how many times to I have to tell you?

Call me "Dad."

Now just what seems to be the trouble?


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Yknaps the Lesserprechaun wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Oi! Kobolds are better miners! Dwarves suck at mining, they don't even have a bonus!

Suuuuure they are! That's why you always see some many folks trying to find the famous lost kobold mines/kingdoms.

Oh, wait.....

It--that's because of the stupid Wizards! They can't stand Lawful Evil races being economically successful!

Or...they just can't stand a race whose special ability is "Lose Bladder Control".


Yknaps the Lesserprechaun wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Yknaps the Lesserprechaun wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Oi! Kobolds are better miners! Dwarves suck at mining, they don't even have a bonus!

Suuuuure they are! That's why you always see some many folks trying to find the famous lost kobold mines/kingdoms.

Oh, wait.....

It--that's because of the stupid Wizards! They can't stand Lawful Evil races being economically successful!
Or...they just can't stand a race whose special ability is "Lose Bladder Control".

Incorrect!

This place sucks.
*Teleports*

Dark Archive

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

This place sucks.

*Teleports*

Did you just say that your own thread sucks? And then ditch it?


I'm sending the Cleave to his room...he has some things he needs to think about.
And June, no cookies and milk for him until he apologizes.


Ward wrote:

I'm sending the Cleave to his room...he has some things he needs to think about.

And June, not cookies and milk for him until he apologizes.

Sounds good, dear.

While we're waiting, I've covered myself in whipped cream.


June, you look angry. Did you forget to take those pills that the Dr prescribed for your 'female nerves'?


Ward wrote:
June, you look angry. Did you forget to take those pills that the Dr prescribed for your 'female nerves'?

I'm angry because we haven't made love since we conceived the Beave, and last Christmas when I told you I wanted to go on a cruise, you bought me a vacuum cleaner instead.


Well, maybe if you took your pills more often, your sour face wouldn't be such a mood killer! Besides, the vacuum cleaner was supposed to be a hint, dear!


My face is sour because I'm cleaning and chasing the kids all day! If we had sold baby Kobold Cleaver to those gypsies like I wanted, then maybe I could be the same promiscuous cheerleader I was when you met me.


Hey, I'm all for selling the Cleave. It's partially the risk of conceiving another neurotic, reptilian mess like him that has driven me to spend more time at the office. It was just that the gypsies were pitching way low for someone that could obviously make a lot in the freak-shows off of the midway. But believe me, if I had known that he was going to be this much of a problem, I'd have given him to the gypsies then for free!

I MADE A MISTAKE. There, I said it. Are you happy?


Sharoth wrote:
~shakes my head and walks away~ Kobolds! Why does it have to be Kobolds?

SOme dragons think they make terrific minions....or snacks


Maybe there's still time for us to drown the Cleave in the bathtub.


I've got it. Put something in his milk and cookies and sneak it up to him, like you're going behind my back. He'll stuff his scaly little face, pass out, we'll drown him, then bury him in the flower garden tonight while everybody is out at the carnival. It's not as good as selling him to the gypsies, but at least the nightmare will be over and we can start to live again...


Cleave, sweetie! I've made cookies! Your favorite!


I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head.


Garydee wrote:
I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head.

*Electrocutes mother*

That was what they intended.
Now where's that father?
Hey, dad? Uh, I have cookies here! Come over here and eat them! *Readies Cleaver*


Are wabbits allowed in here?


The Ghost of Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Are wabbits allowed in here?

Sure. I'm feeling hungry. Besides, it isn't duck season.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
The Ghost of Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Are wabbits allowed in here?
Sure. I'm feeling hungry. Besides, it isn't duck season.

Great, that's means I can KILL DA WABBITS!


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Garydee wrote:
I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head.

*Electrocutes mother*

That was what they intended.
Now where's that father?
Hey, dad? Uh, I have cookies here! Come over here and eat them! *Readies Cleaver*

Ouch! How dare, you, ya little bastard!


June Cleaver wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Garydee wrote:
I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head.

*Electrocutes mother*

That was what they intended.
Now where's that father?
Hey, dad? Uh, I have cookies here! Come over here and eat them! *Readies Cleaver*
Ouch! How dare, you, ya little bastard!

*Decapitates*

Man, I hate these people.


Ooh! A corpse ripe for animation!


The Ghost of Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Are wabbits allowed in here?

Did someone call for me?


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
*Readies Cleaver*

Oh look! Isn't that cute! He's pretending to be a dwarf with an axe.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
June Cleaver wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Garydee wrote:
I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head.

*Electrocutes mother*

That was what they intended.
Now where's that father?
Hey, dad? Uh, I have cookies here! Come over here and eat them! *Readies Cleaver*
Ouch! How dare, you, ya little bastard!

*Decapitates*

Man, I hate these people.

Drags June's decapitated corpse into the safe room and locks himself in.

That's too bad. Well, those frown lines were looking pretty permanent...I wonder were I could find a prettier head with an acceptable brain to put on old June? Her body is still in pretty good shape. This could be what saves our marriage!


<Takes June's head>

These brains are almost fresh!


Ward wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
June Cleaver wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Garydee wrote:
I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head.

*Electrocutes mother*

That was what they intended.
Now where's that father?
Hey, dad? Uh, I have cookies here! Come over here and eat them! *Readies Cleaver*
Ouch! How dare, you, ya little bastard!

*Decapitates*

Man, I hate these people.

Drags June's decapitated corpse into the safe room and locks himself in.

That's too bad. Well, those frown lines were looking pretty permanent...I wonder were I could find a prettier head with an acceptable brain to put on old June? Her body is still in pretty good shape. This could be what saves our marriage!

*Booby-traps door*

Heeere, ward ward ward ward ward...


Kobie, KC's #1 Buddy wrote:
Searches for lock to the sliding glass door, unlocks and opens it for Wolfie.

w00t! Those Githys were tough to shake. They almost had me until some lawyer showed up and threatened them... something about "not OGL" and "product identity" and "branding."

Where'd you go KC? {pedipalps suddenly twitch} Oooo, Seek-and-Go-Hide, eh? Ah-hah, my Kobold Sense detects you behind this door-

Kobold Cleaver wrote:
*Booby-traps door* Heeere, ward ward ward ward ward...

<ZAP!>

{chitin-scented smoke clears, reveals him lying on back, still smoldering slightly} Ouchie? Wait, was that my Kobold Sense or Spidey (Danger) Sense?


{has mostly stopped smoking. mostly} Oh hello nice lady- {shakes hand of headless Mrs. Cleaver} Have you seen a handsome young kobold about yay-high?

Nice lady?


Wolfie, KC's #2 Buddy wrote:

{has mostly stopped smoking. mostly} Oh hello nice lady- {shakes hand of headless Mrs. Cleaver} Have you seen a handsome young kobold about yay-high?

Nice lady?

...

...How did you get in?


I am actually glad that Kobold Cleaver is ignoring me. He can continue to ignore me.


~ignores Kobold Cleaver~ lalalalalalalala...


Kobold Cleaver wrote:

...

...How did you get in?

YAY!!!!111! You're here! I think your doorbell has a short in the wiring. Your reinforced door held up, but I grounded into the wall and burnt a hole through it. Oopsie.

Hey Kobie! He's here!

Gosh, KC, your mom's awful quiet. Is she shy?


Wolfie, KC's #2 Buddy wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

...

...How did you get in?

YAY!!!!111! You're here! I think your doorbell has a short in the wiring. Your reinforced door held up, but I grounded into the wall and burnt a hole through it. Oopsie.

Hey Kobie! He's here!

Gosh, KC, your mom's awful quiet. Is she shy?

I don't know. Why don't you go check on her?


GLOMS ON KC.

Buh-ddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy................


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
I don't know. Why don't you go check on her?

{pokes corpse of Mrs. Cleaver gently} Gosh, KC, I think she's taking a nap. I'm not sure, I can't find her eyes to see if they're closed.

Actually, I think she lost her head somewhere. Gosh. When my mom told me "I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached," I thought she was just kidding me.

{to headless corpse} Marco...


Don't worry boys, I'll get the Missus a new head.

Say, you boys are kind of homely, but you seem like good kids. I'm glad KC has some friends who aren't so moody...do the boy some good. Cleave, you play nice with your little friends while I take your mom in search of a new head.

Speeds out of the thread in his 1961 Plymouth Fury 4-door hardtop.


Wolfie, KC's #2 Buddy wrote:
{to headless corpse} Marco...

Gosh, KC, doesn't your mom know how to play Marco Volo?

Marco...

Ward wrote:
Cleave, you play nice with your little friends while I take your mom in search of a new head.

AUGH! Now the rest of her is gone too. {whistles innocently, shuffles all eight feet}

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