*ducks under desk*

*holds up bowl to catch laser*

<Lasers hits couch, disintegrating it, and leaving behind a pile of cheese dust>

CF?! A robot?!

Once again you have outdone yourself. I hope this one does not pursue the antics that last one did, though.

I didn't build that.

It's destroying the furniture. I like cheese dust as much as the next celestial, but I also like to have a place to sit while I eat it.

*ducks under desk*

*holds up bowl to catch laser*

Wow! Crotchless Slaad. Sounds like a new kind of salad.

Preparing to fire flavor lasers...

*Readies his anti-droid incantations of banishment*

Let's say if this droid gets too trigger happy, I pop him over onto the Slaad Thread. They would find him most amusing.

Agreed. I don't want him to take out any more of our furniture. I spent at least $80 at the Salvation Army Store furnishing this place, and I don't want to have to do it again.

Firing flavor lasers....

*pulls out pocket portal generator* Been a while since I used this.... *flips a switch, slides it under the DoritoBot* Hit him, Shiny.

Good bye, Mr. Tridrone. Have fun wherever you end up.

I wonder where that will be.

I forgot where I set the portal to. I never pay attention to that. *goes to collect it*

Huh. Just looks like home.

I think I can get some water and refashion the couch out of the cheese dust.

Call the Salvation army and tell them we need a new couch. Oh for heaven's sake, let's buy a new living set.

Someone called Celestial Furniture Services? We deliver.

Do you have a set in mauve?

Mauve, psychedelic mauve, and striped mauve.

Ooooh, I like the sound of psychotic mauve.

This can only be an improvement over the last set. I never found the right drapes to match the "colour out of space" sofa upholstery.

We have "Cthulhu" colors too.

Exquisite! I've been looking for something in Ithaqua for eons!

Yea, their furniture is a smash with crowd that like occult geometry.

Make sure you check under the new sofa cushions for Hounds of Tindalos; they're harder to get rid of than Maelstrom bedbugs.

Are there any guarantees on this stuff?

I want furniture I can jump on without it collapsing or trying to eat me.

Ugh. I just got back from my annual cleric checkup. Apparently, our Creepy Neighbor has been rolling around on dead rats again, because he tracked Fleas in here, and one of them gave me the Hanta Montana virus.

{heads into the bathroom to fill tub with flea dip and tomato juice} At least that infested couch was disintegrated... {continues angry muttering to self, begins humming a Miley Cyrus song}

Who says the rats were dead?

Are there any guarantees on this stuff?

I can guarantee the Elder Gods won't come looking for you. But I do have a rebate that comes with the furniture.

Celestial Healer wrote:

Are there any guarantees on this stuff?

I can guarantee the Elder Gods won't come looking for you. But I do have a rebate that comes with the furniture.

This "rebate" is a $1-off coupon at Sam's All-You-Can-Eat-Tentacle-Bar.

*grabs coupon*

Yoink!

Thanks, CF!

Furniture Merchant, PDQ wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Are there any guarantees on this stuff?

I can guarantee the Elder Gods won't come looking for you. But I do have a rebate that comes with the furniture.

This "rebate" is a $1-off coupon at Sam's All-You-Can-Eat-Tentacle-Bar.

It is Cthulhu furniture after all. Heh, heh, heh.

I just remembered that this thread actually started over on this thread. My, how this cult had a strange genesis...

I think all cults do, boss. Especially all those revolving around Sebastian.

2d6: 3d4 ⇒ (1, 2, 1) = 4

Why is 2d6 rolling 3d4? That seems unlawful.

The slaads wanted to trade the dice for the modron.

Was that a good trade?

The slaads wanted to trade the dice for the modron.

Wait, dice and modrons are two different things? {eyes Yahtzee box suspiciously}

F!~*s I give: 1d1 - 1 ⇒ (1) - 1 = 0

LMAO

*slow clap*

F!*%s I give: d1 - 1

No probability there. Just sayin'

There's a certain unexpectedness to it though, yeeessss. Who expects a die to defy probability?

Then no chaos would ensue thus the illogic of 1d1-1.

What am I sayin!

Apricot.

Isn't illogic rooted in chaos?

I'm not good with this philosophical stuff. I'll just go back to microwaving things.

That's probably for the best.

This thread needs more law!

Nurn, could you alphabetize the contents of the fruit bowl?

CF! You better be following the instructions on those microwavable snacks to the letter!

Hmm. I mentioned "more law" and everyone got quiet.