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15 worst D&D monsters


D&D 3.5/d20/OGL

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15 most retarded D&D monsters

I can agree with quite a few of these, though I would have expanded the list to 20

do you guys agree with the choices? if not what would you have put on it instead?

Sovereign Court Star Voter 2014

I do like the Grell, Digester, and Gelatinous Cube.

And, Moon Rats, and Ash Rats, could get through the gate.

I didn't see the Carbuncle on your list, nor the Gibbering Mouther - so I would say you have a fine quality article here. A nice read, whether or not folks agree.

Thanks for sharing.


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

Bring back the carbuncle!


Pax Veritas wrote:

I do like the Grell, Digester, and Gelatinous Cube.

And, Moon Rats, and Ash Rats, could get through the gate.

I didn't see the Carbuncle on your list, nor the Gibbering Mouther - so I would say you have a fine quality article here. A nice read, whether or not folks agree.

Thanks for sharing.

I love the Gibbering Mouther, but I do concur that the carbuncle is a little...special

I would like to look through all the monster manuals to make my own revisions some time soon though


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

Does anyone else ever like to make the Chaos Beast mini into a large Gibbering Mouther?


Mairkurion {tm} wrote:
Does anyone else ever like to make the Chaos Beast mini into a large Gibbering Mouther?

:) YES YES YES!!!!

The Exchange

I think they missed the flumph..... shoulda' been #1.

Dark Archive

There was one that I can't recall the name of right now. Basically it was a pair of jeans that tried to force it's way onto you and disolve your body.


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

Flumph, definitely. The only thing that I'm 100% on from that list is the Roving Mauler, #15. Oh, and no Modron(s)? Please.

Dave, I got nothin'. The only clothing I can remember right now is the Executioner's Mask.


What was wrong with the brain in a jar? Crazy psionic powers (one of the few monsters from Ravenloft I can think of off-hand which did have psionics).


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

I say, any monster that looks like (or is) a brain is an automatic win.


Mairkurion {tm} wrote:
I say, any monster that looks like (or is) a brain is an automatic win.

meh, but you can't really do much to make a brain anything other than a "brain with _____"

Sovereign Court Star Voter 2014

Wasn't there an enveloper that looked like Frosty the Snowman sans hat and pipe?

Oh, and the Dire Cobey comes to mind also.

But the most retarded (and I never use that word but for this I will make an exception), the very most retarded in recent memory has to be the 4e ass-headed tiefling.

We go from having exquisite James Jacobsian Tiefling quickwifes to those butt-ugly abomin4tions... WTF?


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

No love for the Dire Corby, Pax?

Sure, Azgahal, brain with chicken feet, flying brain with tentacles, giant brain, brain protruding from rats...

:)


They forgot the Rust Monster.

Maybe that is #16.


Mairkurion {tm} wrote:
I say, any monster that looks like (or is) a brain is an automatic win.

yarp


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

And then, things turned personal...

The Exchange

Peryton. Vampiric flying reindeer vultures? WTF!

Sovereign Court Star Voter 2014

Tensor wrote:

They forgot the Rust Monster.

Maybe that is #16.

Ouch! Tensor - you cut to the quick.

Please examine my avatar... er, and reconsider?!

J'adore les monstrettes du rouiller!


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber
Fake Healer wrote:
Peryton. Vampiric flying reindeer vultures? WTF!

So, their spruced up appearance in LoF did nothing for you?


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

Yeah, Tensor, the rust monster even looks rather like a brain, which by definition is not retarded.

The Exchange

Fake Healer wrote:
Peryton. Vampiric flying reindeer vultures? WTF!

Them I don't mind so much since they have real world origins.


Mairkurion {tm} wrote:
Yeah, Tensor, the rust monster even looks rather like a brain, which by definition is not retarded.

Rust is caused by oxidation. So, the Rust Monster supplies oxygen which causes metal to rust.

Therefore, if you are adventuring underwater, keep a Rust Monster in your pocket, so it can supply oxygen which you can breath.. yay.


>This< is just a cool pic.

>a stillborn god-fetus< how f*!!ing cool is that?

I like the >Gelatinous Cube<


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber
Tensor wrote:

Rust is caused by oxidation. So, the Rust Monster supplies oxygen which causes metal to rust.

Therefore, if you are adventuring underwater, keep a Rust Monster in your pocket, so it can supply oxygen which you can breath.. yay.

BRILLIANT!

Wait, how can you shrink Rusty, without decreasing his O2 production?

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Wolf-in-Sheep's-Clothing FTW.

I actually like this monster. I could see something like this creature becoming a top predator among stupid forest animals.

WiSC: "I'll just lure that dumb wolf over there in with my cute little bunny hat and then BAM! Hentacle city, baby!"

But seriously, how many adventurers are ever going to fall victim to this thing?

Fighter McSwordsalot: "Hey guys, look over there! A rabbit sitting on a tree stump. Let's leave it alone since it doesn't have any treasure and isn't worth any XP."

Maybe if the party is reduced to hunting for their food or some cutesy elf druid chick wants a new pet, I could see a fight starting with this thing.

I'd also like to submit the Spanner. Does anybody remember the Spanner? This creature from 1st Edition was a relative of the Mimic, Lurker Above and Trapper. It looked like a bridge and would wait for creatures to try to cross it so it could stand up on end and fall over on top of them. Bloody hilarious, but completely ridiculous.

I'll have to look through all my books to find some more monsters for the list.

And, oh yeah, the Terlen is the Powers Boothe of the ocean. He's that cool.


Nilbogs

They don't look silly per se, but when you're having to force feed them healing potions and cure spells....

(Goblin spelled backwards, when you do any damage to them it only adds to their hit points, making them stronger.. circa original Fiend Folio, modernized in Tome of Horrors)

Actually, the concept of 'magic pollution' isn't bad, but the nilbog was a half-a$$ed extrapolation of it.

Paizo Employee Publisher, Chief Creative Officer

I definitely would not have included the atropal or the eel guys. I do appreciate that this guy went beyond the obvious choices (flumph) and included such putrid gems as the senmurv, but I do think a lot of really important (and somewhat obvious) guys are missing.

To wit:

Carbuncle
Enveloper
Al-Amraj
C.I.F.A.L.
Gorbel
Tojanida
Those penguin dudes from spelljammer
Tirapheg
Executioner's hood
Spanner
Lhorsk
Athach

There are just so many. I'm sure a close look at the late-era Monstrous Compendium Appendices for second edition, the entire Red Steel and Spelljammer campaign settings, and the RPGA-produced loose leaf early second edition Fiend Folio supplement would turn up reams of mostly forgotten losers.

That spinning lion head thing is pretty stupid, as is the desert creature trying to avoid being frozen in a block of ice. Where are those from?

Paizo Employee Publisher, Chief Creative Officer

I also think that the gelatinous cube, the cactus, the brain in the jar and the demiliches are huge reaches. Some of those are actually kind of iconic, and none of them enter the bottom 50 for me. Most of them wouldn't even be in the bottom 200.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting Subscriber
Erik Mona wrote:

That spinning lion head thing is pretty stupid, as is the desert creature trying to avoid being frozen in a block of ice. Where are those from?

Spinning Lion: Tome of Magic (he's a monstrous representative of a vestige used by Pact Binders)

Ice Guys: Sandstorm, the Desert supplement... though, if he was cherry-flavored, it could just as well be the dessert supplement! Am I right?

Sorry.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting Subscriber

For the record, though the 5-legged-wheel-lion may be really dumb looking, D&D can't really take the blame for that one. Buer, upon whom he's based, looks pretty much exactly like that in some depictions...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buer_(demon)

Silver Crusade Star Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Modules Subscriber
Erik Mona wrote:


That spinning lion head thing is pretty stupid, as is the desert creature trying to avoid being frozen in a block of ice. Where are those from?

Originally, Buer, listed as one of the demons in the Ars Goetia/Lesser Key of Solomon. He was included as a Vestige for Binders in Tome of Magic, but his appearance was used for the Reaping Mauler in the same book.

The classical drawing aside, it could have been done in a genuinely disturbing manner, honestly. But that art...I know they were going for the classical style, but it's just goofy by its very nature.

Seriously needs a makeover. The five-legged lion head can work, just not that one.

Castlevania made him a generic villain. A fairly goofy and ineffective one.

edit-Damn you, ninja! Damn you right upside your face!


David Fryer wrote:
There was one that I can't recall the name of right now. Basically it was a pair of jeans that tried to force it's way onto you and disolve your body.

Raggamoffyn

Check out here and here for much better lists.

Paizo Employee Publisher, Chief Creative Officer

I am all for ripping off the Goetia, and basically launched my freelance career on it 10 years ago with Armies of the Abyss. I appreciate the use of Buer and the like.

But in no way was that illustration meant to be literal. I think they missed the boat on this big time.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting Subscriber
Mikaze wrote:


edit-Damn you, ninja! Damn you right upside your face!

Sorry. I have an uncanny ability to detect useless trivia questions.

As for the article, it's easy to make fun of dumb illustrations and all, but my D&D monster s@!t list tends to focus on things like, oh, all-female species (I would say all-male species too, but there aren't any that stand alone). For example, the medusa: depending on your source, either all medusa are female and they mate with male maedar counterparts, or there are male and female medusas. Hags typically are said to mate with men, who then make more hags, which is fair enough. I've never even seen an attempted explanation made for harpies, though.

This may be nitpicking on my part, but it's always bugged me.


Okay, going on the original list:

#15.The Roving Mauler: Yeah! Weapons grade retarded. Might have worked as a pact spirit or or other thing right out of the far reaches of the Nevernever or Maelstrom, but other than that, just say no to drugs.

#14.The Gelatinous Cube: Lay off the 'Cube, man! It's the perfect D&D monster. It lives off squares. It can make sense as a garbage disposal system (if you don't like Otyughs). Not everything has to be a fast-as-hell eater of adventurers that is a thread to all civilisation if not stopped by a convenient group of adventurers! Plus, it's a classic

#13.The Knell Beetle: Have to agree with the original text: Monsters shouldn't have horns like that

#12.The Senmurv: Hey it's goofy, but I think it's good goofy. You need something that looks like you're on a bad acid trip even if you're not. Call it the control group. I can see something like this oh every street corner in the First World.

#11.The Demi-Lich: That guy honestly wants me to belief that a floating skull with more magic in his no-longer-existant little finger than some countries could come up with if they put all their wizards in a blender and added hired witches to boot, a monster that can suck out your soul through your nostil (if you think that doesn't hurt, go find a demilich and tell him he'd make a good ashtray. It'll show you), doesn't scare the s~@! out of him? It's one of those critters that couldn't care less about its lack of body.

#10.The Brain-in-a-Jar: Well, the -in-a-Jar thing really is dumb. Why must it be in a jar? What happens if it gets out? Flapping on the floor like a fish? Anyway, I think the concept could use some more openness. Can you put a bunch of these in an aquarium? Reverse scuba suit?

#9.The Digester: What's the deal? So it doesn't have arms. If you can spit acid at people, you don't need arms. Nice example of critters that don't give a damn about our conceptions of what a creature should look like (though aberration might make more sense).

#8.Moon Rats: Yes, that's one of the more bizarre creatures, but I think it's a good example of magic doing stuff that doesn't make sense to anyone except magic. Nethis is having fun.

#7.Ash Rats: Things on fire are cool. Or, rather, not, but you get my drift.

#6.Grell: Floating brains with beaks are scary. Even more so if they have weird powers like paralysis. The barbarian's not scared? Wait until he cannot move and the thing starts probing him with his tentacles.

#5.Atropal: The thought of a still-born fetus still moving is nasty. Add to that godlike powers (this is an epic critter on the same level as demigods and arch-outsiders) and the fact that this thing is the size of a horse, and everyone can see how this is going to reduce more than mothers to a screaming wreck.

#4.Hippocampus: Looks like a "sea horse". Exactly. Well, stuff like that does have a certain cheezy whiff, but nowhere near the stupidest monsters.

#3.Porcupine Cactus: Well, redundant name that is redundant aside, you have to know what it is before it blows up, or it blows up. Kinda like landmines. Or proximity mines like those you find in games like Metroid Prime 3 or Battlefield 2142. Sure, you know what they are, but you're still falling victim to them again and a gain.

#2.Anguillian: Looks excessively weird. But the good kind. Dagon would do well to employ these.

#1.Gelun: Well, yeah. Freezing in place is bad for your health unless you have mental powers. Since I don't know this thing, I won't say anything.

By the way, I notice this article is really, like from yesterday, yet I can remember a lot of this from an article I have read years ago. Someone "borrowing" creativity here?


Sebastrd wrote:
David Fryer wrote:
There was one that I can't recall the name of right now. Basically it was a pair of jeans that tried to force it's way onto you and disolve your body.

Raggamoffyn

Check out here and here for much better lists.

Those are okay, until you get to the end of part 2. Recycling names just isn't done.

And looking at the many lamias in rise of the runelords, I must say that it's obviously possible to do the old myth (and the game's history) justice and do kick-ass critters at the same time.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Deluxe Comics Subscriber
Sebastrd wrote:
Check out here and here for much better lists.

I love the orgy rules in part 2. :)

Sovereign Court Star Voter 2014

KaeYoss wrote:

By the way, I notice this article is really, like from yesterday, yet I can remember a lot of this from an article I have read years ago. Someone "borrowing" creativity here?

Monstrous Evolution: Monsters of Suck by Erik Mona.

You likely remember the outstanding article in PAIZO's Dragon Monster Ecologies by Erik Mona, page 129.

If you don't have this yet - buy it now; the Golem's Got It on sale right now for $9.99. It is awesome!


Erik Mona wrote:

I definitely would not have included the atropal or the eel guys. I do appreciate that this guy went beyond the obvious choices (flumph) and included such putrid gems as the senmurv, but I do think a lot of really important (and somewhat obvious) guys are missing.

To wit:

Carbuncle
Enveloper
Al-Amraj
C.I.F.A.L.
Gorbel
Tojanida
Those penguin dudes from spelljammer
Tirapheg
Executioner's hood
Spanner
Lhorsk
Athach

There are just so many. I'm sure a close look at the late-era Monstrous Compendium Appendices for second edition, the entire Red Steel and Spelljammer campaign settings, and the RPGA-produced loose leaf early second edition Fiend Folio supplement would turn up reams of mostly forgotten losers.

That spinning lion head thing is pretty stupid, as is the desert creature trying to avoid being frozen in a block of ice. Where are those from?

Interesting list, hmmmm.....I dont know if D&D ever had a Tatzelwurm, but if it was in any of the monster maunals, it secures a place on my list

Dark Archive

Erik Mona wrote:

I definitely would not have included the atropal or the eel guys. I do appreciate that this guy went beyond the obvious choices (flumph) and included such putrid gems as the senmurv, but I do think a lot of really important (and somewhat obvious) guys are missing.

To wit:

Al-Amraj
Those penguin dudes from spelljammer

I can no longer respect you Eric. You would have put two of my favorite creatures on the retarded monster list. My players used to thing that unicorn bunnies were retarded too, until the stumbled into the middle of a colony during mating season.


Azhagal wrote:
Tatzelwurm

Epic link fail.


Personally, I don't think much of this guy's list. The demilich, moon rats, and grell are some of the most memorable villains I've ever used in my own games. Also, if you've ever played in the adventure, Crown of the Kobold King, then you know that the gelatinous cube is teh awesome!

I'm also wondering why something like the girallon didn't make the list. It's a giant gorilla with multiple arms. Who really gives a whoop?

Scarab Sages Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Card Game, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Velcro Zipper wrote:

Wolf-in-Sheep's-Clothing FTW.

I actually like this monster. I could see something like this creature becoming a top predator among stupid forest animals.

WiSC: "I'll just lure that dumb wolf over there in with my cute little bunny hat and then BAM! Hentacle city, baby!"

But seriously, how many adventurers are ever going to fall victim to this thing?

When I was in highschool, an adventure I wrote, that I still remember fondly, was a bunny hunt. I actually used it as a sidetrack in college.

The PCs, traveling to some other, more important adventure, are accosted by a distraught farmer whos prize winning rabbit has got out of its hutch. They were offered cash if they could find it.

Said bunny had white and black fur.

Wouldn't you know it, the woods behind the farmer's house were crawling with rabbits and rabbit monsters with white and black fur. There was a wererabbit, a wolf in sheep's clothing, even a rabbit demon. I forget now my reasoning (I think the demon was behind it all) but I remember it as the one adventure I actually got to use the wolf in sheep's clothing.

Edit: In college this was the second or third adventure of a long running campaign. Funnily, one of the fighters in the group was bitten by the were-rabbit and true to the curse, when combat broke out some weeks later, he transformed into a small fluffy bunny, with sharp pointy teeth.


I actually like the moonrats, and it looks like the guy who wrote this never read the actual description of the Senmurv. I'm a bit fond of the Digester, and the demilich is kinda cool. The rest are so right. Especially the roving mauler (my gods, the pain! It hurts my brain!).
However, I would like to refer you all to this. It's hilarious.

The Exchange

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

I actually like the moonrats, and it looks like the guy who wrote this never read the actual description of the Senmurv. I'm a bit fond of the Digester, and the demilich is kinda cool. The rest are so right. Especially the roving mauler (my gods, the pain! It hurts my brain!).

However, I would like to refer you all to this. It's hilarious.

Well yeah, the Duckbunny sucks. But I will point out that on Nick's Avatar the last airbender that they had much more lame creatures and almost anything could be cool if it happens to be presented good with a halfway cool illistration.

Liberty's Edge

Erik Mona wrote:


Athach

It gets my vote for number 16!


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

Yeah, there's a lot of suckage out there (duckbunny, psionic emaciated flying platypus, bunny-on-stump lure), but what do we inevitably learn from all this? One person's retarded monster is another person's iconic monster.


Erik Mona wrote:
... and basically launched my freelance career on it 10 years ago with Armies of the Abyss.

.pdf ?


Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

When you're done with it, let me know. I'm planning on taking up archery...

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