Rejected #28: Lyrics of Extinction


Society Scenario Submissions


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Lyrics of Extinction

Open Call for Pathfinder Society Scenario 28

Introduction

The legendary Jak "Mwangi" Nerlach, author of several Mwangi-related Pathfinder Chronicles entries has recently discovered the ruins of the fabled lost city Mjawal. Jak's letter describes immensely tall fluted spires, and cyclopean stepped pyramids. The Society sends the Pathfinders to assist in the exploration of the ruins. Upon arrival the Pathfinders discover that all is not as it seems.

Summary

The Pathfinders arrive at a trading post on the Vanji river, where they are met by Jak Nerlach, who seems strangely reluctant to lead the expedition. Eventually, Jak agrees to take the Pathfinders to the ruins.

After several days' travel, it becomes evident Jak hasn't got the faintest clue where he's going. It soon becomes blatantly obvious Jak has fabricated the whole story about the ruins. An encounter with the spawn of the slumbering evil infesting the jungle further chips away at Jak's heroic image, as he proves to be a coward as well as a liar.

Luck intervenes on Jak's behalf as the Pathfinders stumble across a nameless ruin, now inhabited by a tribe who claim they're descendants of the lost Azlanti. The Pathfinders are treated as honored guests. The lost tribe is, however, another sham. The tribesmen are actually the descendants of Chelaxian settlers, who got left behind when the Eye of Abendego appeared. The settlers discovered the ruins by accident and decided to stay, adopting the trappings of a much older civilization depicted on murals all over the ruins.

Investigating the murals inside a temple-like structure reveals the fate of the original occupants. It seems their civilization had degenerated considerably after the introduction of a god, who's name roughly translates as "The Wailing Deep". The last mural shows a progression of people dancing towards a gaping, black maw while a dread king watches. The last king of Mjawal and his bodyguard inhabit the innermost chamber.

During the battle with the king, Jak once again sneaks away, discovering a smaller room containing a stone tablet with arcane lyrical stanzas on it. Seeking to prove his worth, Jak activates the tablet. The ground shakes violently, and an alien, howling chorus roars from deep underground. The "tribesmen" are almost immediately transfixed by the song, and start dancing towards the entrance of the temple. The ground continues to shake, buildings crumble and wide cracks appear in the ground. The wailing chorus grows louder by the second, as the temple collapses into a huge crater. Massive, black, many-jointed limbs grind their way to the surface and start feeding people into the colossal black maw opening where the temple used to stand. Those foolish enough to stand idle are soon swallowed by the black thing born of oblivion, never to be seen again.

Encounters

Scene 1

The Pathfinders arrive at the trading post and meet up with Jak. This trading post is about the deepest into the Mwangi as Jak has ever been, so naturally he's very hesitant about leading the Pathfinders into the jungle. Eventually, after much coaxing, Jak decides to take the team on a wild goose chase, hoping they'll loose interest.

Scene 2

The Pathfinders discover that Jak doesn't know the first thing about jungle survival. The ground trembles as gigantic spiders emerge and attack. Jak flees at the first sign of danger. (Tier 7-8 (EL 10): A gargantuan monstrous spider, two huge spiders, and four spider swarms; Tier 10-11 (EL 13): A colossal monstrous spider, two gargantuan monstrous spiders, and four locust swarms (flying spiders))

Scene 3

Finding the ruins puts the winning smile back on Jak's face. There is, however, something wrong with the "tribesmen". For one, they speak near-modern Taldane. The discovery of an old Chelish coat of arms puts the "lost tribe's" authenticity in serious doubt.

Scene 4

In search of the original inhabitants, the Pathfinders enter a temple-like structure. Murals depict people wearing blindfolds in the presence of the king, while those not wearing blindfolds die horribly. (Tier 7-8 (EL 10): A bodak and a shield guardian; Tier 10-11 (EL 13): A bodak and two clay golems.)

Scene 5

The Wailing Deep awakens. The Pathfinders must resist the beast's mind-affecting howl, and escape the collapsing building.

Conclusion

Getting out alive is the most the Pathfinders can gain from this escapade. Whether or not they decide to save Jak is up to them.

If Jak survives, he begs the Pathfinders not to ruin his reputation by exposing him as a fraud.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

So.. any comments? What's the main fault of this entry? Not interesting enough backstory? Not interesting enough encounters? Too lethal? Not lethal enough? Not enough ties to the name of the scenario? Crappy grammar?

Any kind of constructive criticism is welcomed as I'm quite stumped as to what caused the rejection this time around. Then again, it's quite possible that the end product will just blow me away with sheer awesomeness. ;)


Hey Navdi. I think that the competition for this round must have been stiff. Your scenario proposal is compact and interesting. I especially like the bungling Jak and the equally false tribe of "natives." Perhaps the encounters aren't presented as challenging enough. You've got five encounters but only two that are noted with encounter levels. It may have helped if you detailed the collapse in encounter five a bit more and assigned it an EL. Also, you might have considered making the consequences of success and failure a bit higher, as this is a relatively high-level scenario.

Keep designing and keep writing, though! All in all I think this is a great entry. It would seem that there was another entry submitted that topped this one, but that should not diminish your sense of accomplishment and satisfaction at having put together an excellent proposal.

Sovereign Court

A 2E Floppy-Eared Golem wrote:
Perhaps the encounters aren't presented as challenging enough. You've got five encounters but only two that are noted with encounter levels.

This was a well-made decision. Clustering the scenario with just combats makes things dull quickly. Besides have you checked what clay golems are? Two of those are a real pain.

And a colossal spider would be there mainly for giggles and terror. I like to visualize these things in my head.

Grand Lodge

Two cents from someone else who had their submission rejected:

1/ I'm not sold on the final encounter. Is this a monster? If so, it should be named (if old), or you should give some indication as to its abilities (if new). If its a new deity, that may be a larger creation than Josh is looking for in a PFSS.

2/ For me, there is a low number of encounters with heroic action: meet & greet, fight, investigation, fight, run away (greatly oversimplified).

3/ All of your encounters read "The Pathfinders do xxxx". You should mix it up a bit for interests sake, but it also indicates a lack of choice on the part of the PC's. I think that you would be better to describe the encounter, and then possible outcomes of PC choices.

An interesting scenario. All of the above is intended to be the requested constuctive feedback.

Sovereign Court Contributor

Here's a further comment that should be taken only as my personal feeling. The adventure is scripted as requiring the PCs to be fooled about certain things for a certain amount of time. That's difficult to pull off, and if you can do that, you need to tell us how. It's especially difficult in a tournament scenario where you can't just let the PCs flounder along being fooled for a bit longer. There's a time limit.

But typically players, unlike characters in books, are almost never fooled for exactly the dramatically appropriate amount of time. They either figure out what's going on right away, or they never get it until it's too late.

And in this case it can be fatal to the plot. If the PCs realize that their guide is a fake and doesn't know his way around the jungle, and has never been to the ruins he claims to have seen, they have no reason to go on the rest of the adventure. They just report back that the guy is a fraud, and go home.

The second mystery is less crucial, but I also am not sure I see how it forwards the plot. Maybe I need to read more carefully. Nevertheless, this is one that I see players never figuring out. So there's a Chellaxian coat of arms? These tribesmen must have met some Chellaxians.

So to me, I like your story, but it seems more like a story than an adventure for an RPG, especially one that will work within the limited structure of a tournament.

I hope this is helpful insight!

Sovereign Court

Hm, I guess we (Navdi and I) did put too much confidence in the execution. After all, it all depends on how the faking is done, and that relies on the DM. Scripted events are sour too, as I noticed in #14. The 750 word limit certainly does limit how you can describe events. It got cut in the end too much, missing much of the Cthulhu-like monster and escaping from its grasp.

In our defense I must say we assembled the whole story and encounters in 24 hours. Colossal spiders and clay golems would have been fun.

Liberty's Edge

I like the background story that you made for the ruins, but the stupid Jack is not credible to me. Or, at least, I am not sure that this hook can be explained and "played" too well into the scenario format. Maybe you should started the scenario at the ruins...

It looks to me that you think only from DM perspective.

Add to this that I agree with the Scribbling Rambler and Craig...

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012

Hi, Navdi (Deussu too). I hope I'm not too late in giving feedback. I've never been published, and these are just my own opinions, so bear that in mind.

To start with, the scenario was very easy to read and it seems like a lot of fun. In fact, as far as grammar/spelling errors, the only nitpick I have is "hoping they'll loose interest" should be "hoping they'll lose interest".

You managed to trim down the introduction much better than I can get my bloated carcass of an introduction reduced. It was very sharp and spelled out the basics of the adventure.

I like the mix of encounters. I believe, like others have pointed out, that you should indicate some sort of rules interaction the players will have for the non-combat situations. For example, you could provide skills and DCs to "convince" Jak to lead the party into the jungle. Also, if your final encounter is not supposed to be a combat, you could show the action in terms of rules by providing Reflex save DCs for characters that run away and for characters that stay behind.

As far as assuming the players are led by the nose, I don't have too much of an issue with that. It seems a lot of convention-style modules do some of that.

Mjawal is going to be a difficult name for GMs to pronounce. Not that this is a deal-breaker, but it can be a nuisance.

I hope the above is helpful, and I look forward to seeing what you've got in September (ugh, that's a long time away).

Edit: fixed "assuming the players by the nose".


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
taig wrote:
To start with, the scenario was very easy to read and it seems like a lot of fun. In fact, as far as grammar/spelling errors, the only nitpick I have is "hoping they'll loose interest" should be "hoping they'll lose interest".

Good to hear. Grammar and ease of reading were two of my main concern when writing this. I've never written anything this long in English and neither of us are native speakers of English.

taig wrote:
I like the mix of encounters. I believe, like others have pointed out, that you should indicate some sort of rules interaction the players will have for the non-combat situations. For example, you could provide skills and DCs to "convince" Jak to lead the party into the jungle. Also, if your final encounter is not supposed to be a combat, you could show the action in terms of rules by providing Reflex save DCs for characters that run away and for characters that stay behind.

Will give this some thought in future proposals. If I'd had, say, even 50 words more to work with I'd certainly included DC's for Diplomacy, Search, Knowledge, Reflex Saves, etc.

taig wrote:
As far as assuming the players by the nose, I don't have too much of an issue with that. It seems a lot of convention-style modules do some of that.

In my experience most modules lead the PC-group by the nose. There simply isn't enough time or space for a convoluted plot. I know I'd be able to run this module in such a way that the player's reactions would hit the right notes at exactly the right times, but I guess that's just me and there are many DM's who'd rather the module gave them "key-cards". ;) Most modules are perfect examples of illusionism (the illusion of choice) at work.

taig wrote:
Mjawal is going to be a difficult name for GMs to pronounce. Not that this is a deal-breaker, but it can be a nuisance.

I don't really see this as a problem since there isn't a single "correct" way to pronounce a made-up place name.

taig wrote:
I hope the above is helpful, and I look forward to seeing what you've got in September (ugh, that's a long time away).

Thank you for the encouraging feedback!

RPG Superstar 2012

Navdi wrote:
taig wrote:
Mjawal is going to be a difficult name for GMs to pronounce. Not that this is a deal-breaker, but it can be a nuisance.

I don't really see this as a problem since there isn't a single "correct" way to pronounce a made-up place name.

It's just the OCD kicking in. I *have* to know how to pronounce the name correctly. :-)


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
taig wrote:
Navdi wrote:
taig wrote:
Mjawal is going to be a difficult name for GMs to pronounce. Not that this is a deal-breaker, but it can be a nuisance.

I don't really see this as a problem since there isn't a single "correct" way to pronounce a made-up place name.

It's just the OCD kicking in. I *have* to know how to pronounce the name correctly. :-)

I think I'd pronounce it M (glottal stop) chawal, rhymes with Chagall.

Sovereign Court Contributor

About the pronunciation thing: it doesn't bother me either, but it's good to be aware that many of the folks who work at Paizo have commented that they don't like names that are difficult to pronounce or to know how to pronounce in submissions.

And yeah, tournament modules definitely lead people around, and should. Otherwise they wouldn't get done in time.

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