Rejected Submission Critique


Society Scenario Submissions

Shadow Lodge

Okay, so I got my rejection today. This was my first adventure proposal, and honestly my first attempt at designing a full adventure (I tend to be either a "fly by the seat of my pants" DM, or I use published adventures)

Things I noticed I should have added from the start...specifically, I forgot to include mention of the Pathfinder Society in the proposal (very much a facepalm moment, though the final adventure would have included that if I had been chosen. Oh well.)

Tide of Mourning

One by one, Andoran loggers in Darkmoon Wood have begun to go missing, and rumors spread of evil creatures prowling the darkness within the trees. The Lumber Consortium insists on sending more loggers into the wood, but as more and more vanish without a trace, the remaining loggers refuse to venture a single step beyond the treeline. Desperate, the Consortium hires a pair of legendary hunters to find these beasts and slay them, but when even the hunters vanish they are left with very few places to turn.

As the adventure begins, the PCs are traveling through the Andoran wilderness, along the edge of Darkmoon Wood. Night draws close, and as the sun begins to set, the PCs hear a commotion coming from the trees, a small pack of wolves led by a large male emerging from the trees and attacking. As the PCs finish off the pack, several loggers emerge from the forest near where the wolves had appeared. They inform the PCs of the situation, including a tale of one logger's son going missing (in fact, the son is the first logger to vanish, several weeks before the rest), and then lead them back to their camp to rest for the night. When morning comes they implore the PCs to help hunt down the real culprit of the mysterious disappearances. From there, the PCs head into the forest to investigate the site where one of the loggers' comrades had vanished, finding traces of a struggle, and wolf-like tracks that lead deeper into the forest. Soon enough they find a torn, ruined corpse. But the remains had hardly been left behind, and the party is attacked by a dire wolf. Once defeated, a search of the remains reveals that it is indeed one of the missing loggers, but a more thorough search of the area reveals something stranger, a scrap of tanned wolf hide that doesn't belong to the logger. As the PCs move on, they soon come under attack from a number of hunters that accuse the pcs of being in werewolves. Evidence from the attackers leads the PCs to a series of caves within the forest. The caves show signs of being the den of a wolf or wolves of some sort, and before they can enter within, a large wolf (a werewolf, in truth) emerges from the shadows and approaches the party. Regardless of the outcome of the battle, the werewolf is shown to be the missing son. Should the PCs move deeper into the caves, they discover the truth behind the attacks, as they encounter the two missing hunters and several of their associates within the caves, likely overhearing a conversation between them that links them to the murders of numerous loggers in the name of fleecing the survivors, as well as sighting more than one human-sized costume made of wolf fur.

Encounter 1: 3 wolves (tier 1-2) or 5 wolves (tier 4-5)

Encounter 2: 1 dire wolf (tier 1-2) or 1 dire wolf and 2 wolves (tier 4-5)

Encounter 3: 1 level 1 human ranger, and 4 level 1 human warriors (tier 1-2), or 1 level 2 human ranger, and 6 level 1 human warriors (tier 4-5)

Encounter 4: 1 werewolf, hybrid form (tier 1-2) or 1 level 2 ranger werewolf, hybrid form (tier 4-5)

Encounter 5: 2 level 1 human fighters, 1 level 2 human rogue (tier 1-2) or 2 level 1 human fighers, 1 level 5 human rogue (tier 4-5)

Should the PCs discover the truth behind the brutal murders of the missing loggers, whether by venturing into the cave on their own or learning of the suspicious activities surrounding the cave from the werewolf as it reverts to human form (revealing it to be the missing son of one of the loggers), they manage to stop the attempts by the murderous con-men to fleece the local loggers, saving many lives and receiving a modest reward from the grateful men.
Should they fail, though, the con-men murder two more men before the “hunters” finally return to the camp, carrying the severed head of the missing son, revealing him as a werewolf and blaming the disappearances on him. They stay only long enough for the locals to realize that the woods are, indeed, safer, then move on, intent on pulling similar cons elsewhere in Andoran and beyond.

So again, this is my first attempt. Please be gentle >_>

Liberty's Edge

my friend I began reading it... and while it sounds like an interesting idea for a normal party, that could be heroes or mercenaries for hire... the fact is that the main plot has nothing to do with the Pathfinder Society...

I believe this is the main issue... the order simply has no true reasons to send their people to investigate the area... being a Pathfinder is not about being a hero... is about being a tombraider and getting the best stories... so they would be immortalized in the Pathfinder chronicles

equal thrill and fame... is what makes the pathfinder... ahh ant getting the relics :D

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012

I agree with what Montalve has to say. Josh indicated that in this thread (too late to help you, of course).
The scenario is interesting, and I encourage you to keep trying.

Edit: One thing I'd suggest is putting some of the "meat" of the encounters with the encounters. That way the summary isn't quite so heavy and your encounters are more than a list of monster names/NPC levels.

Shadow Lodge

Thanks guys. I'll definitely keep that in mind next time. I wish it had dawned on me before, though, when I had been working on it. Oh well. And I'll shift things a bit to put the meat of the encounters in the actual "encounters" section.

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