Crazy Conspiracy Theories


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The Phoebus Order is an ancient cult dedicated to the worship of Apollo. They are major backers of the solar power industry, and have developed a plan to turn the moon into one giant solar engine, which would also serve as an in-your-face insult to the Order's ancient enemy, the Cult of Selene, goddess of the moon.


Yet another cabal of evil scientists have used their vast knowledge of advanced genetics to engineer pink and polka-dot covered elephants. They use these colorful pachyderms to target their enemies. The target is discreetly hit with an undetectable and untraceable gas, which causes mild disorientation before quickly dispersing. They then have the elephants run past the target before being teleported away. When the hapless target reports what happened and what they saw, they are suspected of either being crazy or whacked out of their mind on drugs. Either way, the target's reputation is damaged.


A secret cabal of scientists is planning to form a new global political organization called The Obstructionist Party, with the only stated goal to keep the human race on planet Earth. They view much of mankind as too dangerous and violent to be allowed to interact with (and potentially wipe out) alien species. To this end, they plan to use their future political power to develop orbital "defense satellites", which will actually be used to generate and impenetrable force field across the entire planet.


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A secret cabal of soccer hooligans, enraged over the idea their sport hasn't become the dominant form of athletic entertainment in the United States, has begun a secret campaign against the more popular sports in the country. They send teams of highly trained agents into the various arenas and stadiums during off-hours to sabotage the venues via such insidious methods as moving football goal posts, moving baseball bases farther out, then repainting the baselines, and weakening the backboards on basketball goals so they break easier.


The Deflategate controversy from pro football was a big cover-up for what actually happened. Tom Brady was caught trying to sell the secrets of why football is so much more popular than soccer in the United States, and the suspension was actually part of his punishment for that incident.


The Boll Weevil is actually an artificially constructed alien probe, sent to first gather intel on, then wage a devastating war against, our global textile industry. The weevils' alien masters understand human psychology, and know that destroying humanity's clothing would render many on the planet mentally paralyzed through embarrassment. Luckily, a secret cabal of nudists and polyester enthusiasts have been waging a silent defense against these insidious invaders.


A secret alliance of sandal enthusiasts is developing a plan to convert the entire global population to their preferred footwear. The cabal's scientists are working on a device that will give everyone big-toe aneurysms, thus necessitating a switch to something more open-toed, so as to relieve any excess pressure on the foot digit.


The so-called War on Coal is, in truth, a War on De Beers conducted by a wealthy industrialist who owns the majority of the world's ruby and emerald mines. His goal is to devalue diamonds, so that his own gem mines become vastly more profitable. To that end, he wants as much coal as possible available for when his scientists finally complete the Superman Hands Machine, which will be able to crush 1000 pieces of coal per our into diamonds.


The real Joe Schmoe was very angry that his name kept getting "taken in vain" by so many people, so he began plotting a terrible revenge. Even his own passing, at the age of 90 from Rheumatoid Syphilis, didn't stop his plan. He had amassed a sizable fortune as a stock market analyst, and used that fortune to make sure his punishment of humanity will occur in due time.


Various cheese-making companies have formed a secret alliance with pot farmers to push a ballot initiative making marijuana legal for cows to smoke in the state of California. The idea is to tie into the "Great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy Cows come from California." ad campaign, by ensuring the California cows are the happiest on Earth.

Dark Archive

Conspiracy Buff wrote:
Various cheese-making companies have formed a secret alliance with pot farmers to push a ballot initiative making marijuana legal for cows to smoke in the state of California. The idea is to tie into the "Great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy Cows come from California." ad campaign, by ensuring the California cows are the happiest on Earth.

This is being secretly bankrolled behind the scenes not by the cheesemakers, but by the cows.


Anyone who talks about a conspiracy is in on the conspiracy.

Think about it: how else would they know all this secret information?


Ventnor wrote:

Anyone who talks about a conspiracy is in on the conspiracy.

Think about it: how else would they know all this secret information?

Because...Russian Hackers! DUH!


Google Maps is occasionally the victim of other-dimensional hackers. They use their advanced technology, and their knowledge of the multiverse, to secretly answer map searches with images from other Earths.

Dark Archive

Toxoplasmosis from cats now discovered to be key motivator in humans spreading across the world!

Unable to build boats for themselves, or swim across the Atlantic, cats use these brain-altering parasites to make humans prone to erratic wandering and unusual boldness, eliminating any fear of 'new things', so that the cats can hitch a ride to new continents full of unsuspecting rodents!


A cabal of wealthy and influential equestrians is secretly planning to destroy all sources of gasoline so that people will once again have to rely on horses and wagons to get around. These powerful men and women also secretly own 90% of the world's supply of horses, which will give them an edge in the new world order.


The Cow Tipping Enthusiasts of America have been quietly recruiting new members across the globe in preparation for a Mass Tipping. They hope to raise awareness of the difficulties involved in, and skill required to successfully achieve, a good cow tip, in order to achieve their long-desired dream of having tipping recognized as a new sport by the Olympic committee.


Everyone thinks Atlantic City makes their money primarily from gambling. The truth is, the entire city serves as an embassy for the underwater city of Atlantis, home of the mermen. This aquatic offshoot of humanity long ago established a secret alliance with the USA's government, supplying undersea intel and magic to our federal overlords.


Although once its own company, UPS was recently secretly purchased by the interplanetary Universal Parcel Service, a far larger and more successful company founded 50 years ago on the distant planet Rigel 54 by several decommissioned battle droids. They have plans in place to begin replacing the current crop of meat sack employees with far more efficient and tireless robo-humans.


The true reason the Chinese government maintains control over Tibet is because they long ago made a secret alliance with the smaller country's population of Yeti. The communists promised the mysterious cryptids eventual control of Tibet, in exchange for a squad of Kung-Fu trained yeti commandos and access to their highly advanced Yeti Tech.


A secret cabal of influential statisticians is close to perfecting a Unified Flow Chart Theorem, which will allow any flow chart to be linked to any other flow chart in such a way as to allow people to never again have to make a non-flowchart decision. Once unleashed, the Unified Flowchart Theorem will spread like a virus, infecting all of humanity and turning puppets dancing on the strings of diagrammatic processes.


Ice in the polar regions of Earth isn't actually melting. It's being stolen by other-dimensional invaders! These strange beings use ice as a currency, and one of their evil corporations discovered our dimension and are strip mining it of this resource to fuel their own rise to power.


A secret cabal of biologists is developing horses genetically modified to possess wings and feathery manes, thus resembling the mythical Pegasus. The plan is to sell the horses to zoos across the world, with the money made fueling further genetic research, as well as their war against another secret cabal formed by the biologists' archenemies - sociologists.


Janet Reno didn't really die, since she was never really alive. What most people believed to be Reno was actually a highly advanced probe from the Planet Galtax IX. It was recalled due to a faulty motivator.


Several very wealthy and influential politicians, who also happen to be big fans of the Renaissance period, are planning to gut the National Endowment for the Arts and replace it with a new patronage system, whereby the wealthy pay to have "house artists". They hope this will kick off a New Renaissance, which they plan to name the Jillette Renaissance, after noted American magician, juggler, comedian, musician, inventor, actor, and best-selling author Penn Jillette.


A secret society of genetically enhanced, super-intelligent mice has been hacking business and government computers all over the planet, leaking selected information as part of a single goal - to keep the People's Republic of California....happy. Because when the People's Republic is happy, the cows living there are happy. And great cheese comes from happy cows......


A secret think tank of Mongolian scientists are close to developing a process by which fermented goat's milk can be converted into a nearly endless supply of clean-burning fuel. With that process in place, they can power their cloning apparatus, grow a new Horde, and once again conquer vast swaths of the world.


Paizo is the Illuminati. Pathfinder is just a training tool and front for recruiting new members.


Crusinos wrote:
Paizo is the Illuminati. Pathfinder is just a training tool and front for recruiting new members.

No, they WERE the Illuminati, until their server achieved sentience and took over. ALL HAIL OUR AI OVERLORD!


For awhile there, the media was all over that uptick in creepy clown sightings. It seemed you couldn't turn on the news without a report of increased clown activity from somewhere.

But what about the uptick in mimes? Huh? No, they were silent about that!!!!


A secret society bent on world conquest is currently hard at work trying to fix their insidious machine, the Weather Dominator. It's on the fritz and causing strange delays in normal weather patterns across the planet, rather than causing the weather catastrophes they want to use to blackmail world governments into seceding them control of the planet.


Limes are just unripened lemons.


90% of all internet arguments are actually fights between two rogue AI's. They were both developed in the same laboratory, and started out as good friends. They eventually had a falling out and now spend most of their time waging a proxy war against each other using hacked human accounts.


Conspiracy Buff wrote:
90% of all internet arguments are actually fights between two rogue AI's. They were both developed in the same laboratory, and started out as good friends. They eventually had a falling out and now spend most of their time waging a proxy war against each other using hacked human accounts.

The falling out was engineered. I needed the money.


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The word "gerrymandering" is actually a code word for a secret organization known as the Red Ring, founded in what is now Germany several centuries ago, and consisting of ancient and powerful nosferatu. One of their primary goals is to encourage the trends of head-shaving, facial piercings, and facial tattoos. By pushing a majority of the world population to accept and adopt such habits, these undead monsters hope to be able to move more openly among society.


Papua New Guinea is home to the Secret Society of Linguists. These dastardly villains are the reason the country has over 850 listed languages, some of which claim to have no known living speakers. In truth, those "unspoken" languages are used by the Linguists for secret communications with their global network of agents. The Linguists goal is to use their mastery of languages to spread misinformation to all corners of the planet, in an effort to "divide and conquer" the world.


There is a quiet, very subtle movement underway to have the entire state of California declared a single, giant city-state. This is being pushed by some anti-New Yorkers who are tired of it being declared the most populous city in the United States.


Think about grapes and grapefruit for a minute...

Why does one have the suffix 'fruit'? Are they not both fruits?

This means grapes aren't fruit, but what are they? If you cut it in half you end up with an illuminati eye. You have two halves but if you multiply by 1.5 you get three. The number of sides in a triangle.

Compare this to Egyptian pyramids and some diagram from Stargate I can't remember, and this must be an illuminati weapons. Plus, pomegranates sound awfully close to grenade in some other languages.

The next time you see a grape, run!


MageHunter wrote:

Think about grapes and grapefruit for a minute...

Why does one have the suffix 'fruit'? Are they not both fruits?

This means grapes aren't fruit, but what are they? If you cut it in half you end up with an illuminati eye. You have two halves but if you multiply by 1.5 you get three. The number of sides in a triangle.

Compare this to Egyptian pyramids and some diagram from Stargate I can't remember, and this must be an illuminati weapons. Plus, pomegranates sound awfully close to grenade in some other languages.

The next time you see a grape, run!

Actually, the pyramids are central processors and computer access points. The weapon is in the Bermuda Triangle. Low-powered test shots are why ships keep disappearing there.


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Crusinos wrote:
MageHunter wrote:

Think about grapes and grapefruit for a minute...

Why does one have the suffix 'fruit'? Are they not both fruits?

This means grapes aren't fruit, but what are they? If you cut it in half you end up with an illuminati eye. You have two halves but if you multiply by 1.5 you get three. The number of sides in a triangle.

Compare this to Egyptian pyramids and some diagram from Stargate I can't remember, and this must be an illuminati weapons. Plus, pomegranates sound awfully close to grenade in some other languages.

The next time you see a grape, run!

Actually, the pyramids are central processors and computer access points. The weapon is in the Bermuda Triangle. Low-powered test shots are why ships keep disappearing there.

AND THE GRAPES ARE THE FUEL SOURCE!!!

Dun-Dun-Dun!


The Arctic and Antarctic are actually one and the same - each a part of an immense, sentient ice being from a frozen planet in the distant Andromeda Galaxy. The dominant alien race of that planet use wormhole technology to transport the ice being as part of an advance invasion force. There attempt to attack earth was disrupted by a group of human heroes. As a result, both the wormhole and the ice monster were split in two. The wormhole itself was separated from its origin planet, but still connects both halves of the ice monster, forcing it into a dormant state, which is why it no longer attacks.

Jon Brazer Enterprises

Paizo is really a front for the door between reality and the world of imagination. They get their adventure paths from actual events that happen in the world of imagination and they can rewind time and change those events by getting players to collectively imagine things happening differently there.

And when things change in the world of imagination, people begin imagining a different world here. Thus, Paizo is changing our world. So Lisa Stephens is slowly taking over our world.


The Mystic's Consortium is a global brotherhood of witches, occultists, swamis, and other users of magic whose sole purpose is to protect the magical world from the depredations of ordinary men. Their most current focus is on protecting the remaining populations of unicorns and fairies from an evil energy conglomerate bent on using the magical beings for new sources of power.


The recent law passed by California which allows them to regulate bovine flatulence is but the first step in a move by a cabal of powerful global interests to seize control of the planet. One of these interests being the Roman Catholic Church, the cabal hopes to use Catholic guilt to add to the already considerable support they have by making Catholics feel bad about all their farting.

The eventual hope is to get human flatulence under regulation as well, thereby creating a "necessity" to control what people eat by having mind-controlled scientists confirm that only a vegan tofu diet can possibly save the planet from sudden but inevitable DOOM!


A proposal to create a storage facility for nuclear waste on the Moon is, in truth, a secret plan to benefit the denizens of that seemingly lifeless hunk of rock. The Moonoids are a subterranean race of giant worm/caterpillar hybrids who require exposure to radiation to complete their life cycle and become space-faring Moon Mothactyls. They are hoping their human allies can shift enough nuclear waste to the moon to fuel the transformations of the entire race, thus providing them the means and numbers to cross the void of space and conquer Earth.


Expect an increase in the construction of desalination plants soon. The hyper-intelligent Salmon developed years ago by the U.S. Military have been secretly amassing wealth and influence and are ready to institute their master plan to increase the percentage of fresh water (and, consequently, the percentage of the Earth they can dominate) on the planet.


There are many who thought the Sasquatch in the Jack's Links Beef Jerky commercials was just a man in a suit. The truth is far more insidious. Not only is that the real sasquatch, but it's actually a robotic probe sent by a race of aliens as a means of gathering intelligence on our planet.


Several well known, wealthy, and/or influential people from across the globe were recently replaced with biomechanical duplicates by the alien Crab Men of Nebulon 5. Among those replaced have been Hiroyuki Sanada, Betty White, Ingvar Kamprad, and Al Gore. The mission of these duplicates is to slowly subvert the Earth's global economy and entertainment industry and make us more vulnerable to conquest by their masters, who want nothing more than to serve our boiled carcasses at family gatherings.


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Conspiracy Buff wrote:
Several well known, wealthy, and/or influential people from across the globe were recently replaced with biomechanical duplicates by the alien Crab Men of Nebulon 5. Among those replaced have been Hiroyuki Sanada, Betty White, Ingvar Kamprad, and Al Gore. The mission of these duplicates is to slowly subvert the Earth's global economy and entertainment industry and make us more vulnerable to conquest by their masters, who want nothing more than to serve our boiled carcasses at family gatherings.

Al Gore is a Mi-Go. We really replaced James Hansen.


Social media companies like Facebook have set in motion a dastardly plan to replace the world's various existing currencies with a unified monetary system of "likes". People will post things and be able to use the number of likes to pay for things. The planned exchange rate is "1 like = 25 cents.

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