Starglim |
This is what I submitted with another author for #22, though we didn't get in. Any comments gratefully received:
Pathfinder Society Scenario #22
Footprints in Stone
Introduction
An age-old tale relates that as the living god Aroden passed westwards into the unpeopled wilds of southern Avistan, he marked the rock itself on a lofty mountain with his tread. The Pathfinder Society has received a copy of a manuscript that locates Aroden's Footprints close to the village of Fledval in eastern Cheliax, north of Brastlewark and southwest of Pirren's Bluff.
The bitter recent past of Fledval complicates the Pathfinders' efforts. A new overlord, backed by a mixed company of veterans of the Goblinblood Wars, has brought to the countryfolk the cruel and paranoiac politics of Egorian. Even the war hero Raji Madrotha was unable to prevent the interrogation and execution of an Andoran, Detter Nevesax, under his command. Despair now poisons the lives of Fledval as the gods of war turn aside from the dishonor of their followers and a grim being unleashed by the Vudran deities of Madrotha's ancestors haunts the hills.
Summary
The PCs find the villagers of Fledval strangely resentful and close-mouthed. They say only that the Pathfinders should leave the hills alone or monsters will tear them to pieces.
An attack on the outskirts of the village allows the party to gain the villagers' gratitude.
The Pathfinders confront the fiendish Beatific One and its extraplanar allies. A final difficult climb to a mountain crag leads to a supernatural Sentinel, dispatched by Iomedae to guard the sign of her lost patron.
Encounters
Chapel of Iomedae: These Andoran expatriates are far more concerned with noble perquisites than good deeds and consider the Pathfinders' presence an insult to the fighting prowess of the village's men-at-arms. Their preceptor Praten Ramenos hides a shameful incident of cowardice in the Goblinblood Wars.
Shrine of Erastil: The halflings Laree and Antwan (offspring of an ex-slave who planned to make a better life in this remote village) hide, running away if chased.
Day 2: The halflings approach and talk unless harassed earlier.
The Paracount: Myzant Phothar, author of "Antiquities of the Upper Keld", is an indiscreet and inept functionary, made threatening only by the dread forces backing him. Phothar suspects the party of plotting against him.
Day 2: The Paracount's attitude improves as he hopes that the party might solve his problems without effort from himself.
The Pawnbroker: Madam Nadja Kantune is a far more skilled devil-binder and has her hooks deeper into the populace than the nominal ruler. If threatened, she slides safely to a prepared vantage point and dumps the party into a stone-walled pit in front of her half-orc fighting-slave.
Militia Barracks: Gripped by remorse, darkly enthralled by Madam Kantune, longing for the grieving widow Cantae Nevesax, Captain Madrotha spends most days brooding and drinking.
Day 2: Madrotha leaves the village overnight.
A Beast from the Mountains: Near sunset of Day 1, screams and animal roars alert the party to an attack on a goatherd returning from the hills (fiendish warthog (dire boar))
Foothills: Xill rove ethereally and plane walk in to slay those they meet.
Ruined Monastery: (5-7) Raji Madrotha emerges to fight the Beatific One (Pathfinder #9) with the party. (8-9) Beatific One and 3 fiendish buffaloes (bison). The Beatific One dances across the backs of the three buffaloes to attack over a wide area.
Peak: (5-7) Climb check (8-9) Add falling boulders. If the party killed any village inhabitants by dishonorable means, Iomedae's Sentinel (half-celestial paladin) challenges them to fight. If they helped any villagers to regain their honor, he welcomes and rewards them. Otherwise the Sentinel is neutral and questions the Pathfinders on their identity and motives for seeking the holy Footprints.
Conclusion
If the Pathfinders succeed, Iomedae's favor grows for Fledval. Trade flows more freely, helping to spread the corrupting influence of Madam Kantune. Scholars show a brief interest in the Footprints, though the isolated village attracts few pilgrims. With increased traffic, many of Erastil's followers depart the region for Isger or Andoran.
If the Pathfinders fail, the Beatific One's depredations embolden the Chitterwood goblins to invade, turning the upper Keld into a murderous disputed frontier on the borders of Andoran. Paracount Phothar and Madam Kantune accuse each other of summoning the dark being and share an execution pyre as they incur the displeasure of the Hellknights. The Footprints fade from human memory as Aroden's influence slips a little further from Golarion's history.
raidou RPG Superstar 2009 Top 4 |
Starglim, here is my peer review of your second submission. I've enjoyed reading both submissions and wish you luck in future proposals.
Introduction
An age-old tale relates that as the living god Aroden passed westwards into the unpeopled wilds of southern Avistan, he marked the rock itself on a lofty mountain with his tread. The Pathfinder Society has received a copy of a manuscript that locates Aroden's Footprints close to the village of Fledval in eastern Cheliax, north of Brastlewark and southwest of Pirren's Bluff. The bitter recent past of Fledval complicates the Pathfinders' efforts. A new overlord, backed by a mixed company of veterans of the Goblinblood Wars, has brought to the countryfolk the cruel and paranoiac politics of Egorian. Even the war hero Raji Madrotha was unable to prevent the interrogation and execution of an Andoran, Detter Nevesax, under his command. Despair now poisons the lives of Fledval as the gods of war turn aside from the dishonor of their followers and a grim being unleashed by the Vudran deities of Madrotha's ancestors haunts the hills.
- This seems way over-wordy and takes me all over the map in terms of who's doing what. I have to parse every line of text to figure out what the Pathfinders are trying to achieve (still unclear), who the antagonist is (the overlord? the grim being in the woods?), what the political situation is, etc. It's all just a litany of names of people/places I have not studied in-depth. This introduction needs to be much clearer.
In-Town Encounters
Chapel of Iomedae, Shrine of Erastil, The Paracount, The Pawnbroker, Militia Barracks.
- These in-town encounters need more fleshing out in terms of how they interact with the PC's. You go to great pains to give each encounter some kind of background secret, but that isn't necessarily helpful at the game table when explaining why this NPC interacts with the PC's at all. In encounters like these, I want to know how the NPC is relevant to the adventure itself, what information they can impart to the PC's, and how the PC's go about getting that information.
A Beast from the Mountains, Foothills, Ruined Monastery
- These encounters seem arbitrary and I don't understand how they relate to the overall plot. I think you may be casting too wide a net with this idea of a village in dishonor, Aroden's Footprints nearby, and Iomedae's favor. These themes just aren't meshing well for me. Plus you add an NPC here to assist in fighting off some foes... that takes some of the glory away from the PC's and makes the story too much about Raji Madrotha regaining his honor.
Peak: (5-7) Climb check (8-9) Add falling boulders. If the party killed any village inhabitants by dishonorable means, Iomedae's Sentinel (half-celestial paladin) challenges them to fight. If they helped any villagers to regain their honor, he welcomes and rewards them. Otherwise the Sentinel is neutral and questions the Pathfinders on their identity and motives for seeking the holy Footprints.
- Why would the PC's kill any villagers? Are the in-town encounters above going to end in violence? This needs to be spelled out. Also, if the goal is to help any of the villagers REGAIN their honor, that too needs to be detailed in their individual encounter writeups.
Conclusion
If the Pathfinders succeed, Iomedae's favor grows for Fledval. Trade flows more freely, helping to spread the corrupting influence of Madam Kantune. Scholars show a brief interest in the Footprints, though the isolated village attracts few pilgrims. With increased traffic, many of Erastil's followers depart the region for Isger or Andoran.If the Pathfinders fail, the Beatific One's depredations embolden the Chitterwood goblins to invade, turning the upper Keld into a murderous disputed frontier on the borders of Andoran. Paracount Phothar and Madam Kantune accuse each other of summoning the dark being and share an execution pyre as they incur the displeasure of the Hellknights. The Footprints fade from human memory as Aroden's influence slips a little further from Golarion's history.
- Overall impressions. You take some very interesting themes (dishonor, fossilizes footprints of a mortal walking his way to godhood) but do not tie them together cleanly. It is not at all obvious upon reading how this adventure actually WORKS from a DM's point of view. Key elements are missing (what the Pathfinders' goal is, who the real enemies are) and encounters are not fleshed out in a way that a DM can pick up this proposal and say "I can see exactly how that would play out at my table."
Best of luck in the future.
-eric
Starglim |
These in-town encounters need more fleshing out in terms of how they interact with the PC's. You go to great pains to give each encounter some kind of background secret, but that isn't necessarily helpful at the game table when explaining why this NPC interacts with the PC's at all. In encounters like these, I want to know how the NPC is relevant to the adventure itself, what information they can impart to the PC's, and how the PC's go about getting that information.
I take your point on this and the Introduction that I needed to write from the perspective of what the PCs want and need from the NPCs and how they're intended to interact. The villagers' motives are vital both to the way they react initially and how the PCs can win them over, as well as how each of them has fallen into dishonor (if they have) in the overall background to the village's situation.
The PCs are sent to Fledval to locate the Footprints and find out as much as they can about them. Apart from drawing Iomedae's attention, the Footprints are otherwise a pure McGuffin.
It's unlikely, though remotely possible, that the PCs will get any help from the followers of Iomedae. They're a challenge to overcome.
The halflings, if convinced to trust the PCs, know quite a lot about the hills and something about the dangerous creatures that are now there.
The Paracount wrote the manuscript mentioned in the Introduction (that could be clearer) and knows the location of the Footprints.
Madam Kantune has a lot of the real power in the village and can tell the PCs a lot of secrets if they give her some reason to cooperate.
Why would the PC's kill any villagers? Are the in-town encounters above going to end in violence? This needs to be spelled out.
Agreed, it does. While skilled PCs can avoid fighting anyone, I intended the Chapel of Iomedae as an unfriendly encounter at best, unless the PCs are very clever and get to the bottom of Ramenos' motives. If mishandled, they could easily get into a fight with the halflings, Madam Kantune or even attack the Paracount. The latter two are, after all, evil and will detect as such.
A Beast from the Mountains, Foothills, Ruined Monastery
These encounters seem arbitrary and I don't understand how they relate to the overall plot.
Yes, that needs clarification. The Beatific One has come to punish Madrotha for his dishonor, though she is just as happy to challenge and kill other warriors. She summoned the xill and various fiendish versions of Vudran beasts as allies to harass, terrorise and wear down the village until it's destroyed as an effective martial force.