Critique my PFS 20 Scenerio


Society Scenario Submissions


Hey guys as the thread states please critique. I figure this will be a great way for me to improve. Thanks to all who take the time :)

Spoiler:
Demon Haunts
Introduction
An art financier displays his recent Kellid exhibition at his summer estate. Guests marvel at the savage display of artifacts. Primal idols, statues, and beadwork provide contrast to the gothic architecture of the seasonal mansion. Dark clouds gather on the horizon—the coming storm sours the occasion.

Summary
Pathfinder representatives attend a summer art exhibition to authenticate a rare find. The financier of the exhibit, a fat Chelish man named Tukonen Rask hails from the house of Thrune. A patron of the arts, Rask funds expeditions brining him respect. Unfortunately, the Pathfinder who led his last mission never returned. Secretly, the PCs search for their missing brethren.

The adventure begins in the menagerie of the summer estate. Experts debate the meaning of the artifacts. The original owners of the pieces prepare to attack, as the participants discuss each sculpture. The Kellids have journeyed to reclaim their stolen property. The savages attack the dignitaries. Rask is the primary target, the PCs must decide if they will save him. At the end of this battle the last tribesman utters a curse to activate an idol.

Storm clouds gather and winds rage. The animals in the menagerie bay, howl, and roar. The larger animals escape from their cages. With a heightened predatory nature these feral beasts stalk the guests. The PCs spearhead the effort to retreat into the mansion.

Demons massacre the servants inside the mansion. If Tukonen still lives he begs the heroic PCs to end the carnage. If he was killed the PCs find Rask’s diary. Either way, the information gathered explains these Kellids use the idols for demon adulation. The PCs discover the only way to end the demon assault is to return to the menagerie and destroy the idols. As if on cue, hoards of demons burst forth and attempt to murder any remaining guests. Some are dragged off into the darkness. The PCs battle the demons.

Knowing the idols must be destroyed, the PCs venture back into the windstorm. They encounter the lost Pathfinder. Dark and menacing, he is dressed in Kellid war beads. From the shadows the nabasu follow his orders. He holds the invoked idol and commands the demons to attack.

Encounters
Encounter One: The Test of Knowledge
Location: The Menagerie
The PCs enter a series of knowledge skill checks to determine how much they know about the idols. Useful skills include: religion, arcana, history, art, and bardic knowledge. During this challenge a self-proclaimed expert is offended. He challenges a PCs to a non-lethal duel. If the PCs attain higher successes than this expert, Rask decides to make a donation to the Pathfinder Society. EL 7/10.

Encounter Two: Tribal Attack
Location: The Menagerie
Kellid barbarians attack the PCs and guests. With his last breath, one utters a curse to release the power of the idol. If he is captured, he commits suicide and still utters the curse. EL 8/11

Encounter Three: Break out
Location: The Menagerie retreating to the mansion.
The idol summons demonic forces. A raging storm causes the animals in the menagerie to panic. Demons posses the strongest creatures. They break free and attack (use dire animals). The mansion provides a safe haven for the PCs and NPCs. (Use rules for a windstorm DMG pg 65). EL 8/11

Encounter 4: Demon Front
Location: The Mansion
Once inside the mansion, bodies of servants cover the floor. Rask or his diary explains the power of the idol. Nabasu gain entry and attack the PCs in the central hall. The PCs discover that the only way to end the threat is by destroying the idol. (If the PCs have the idols or they are already destroyed, Rask/diary reveals that another hidden in an animal pen.) EL 9/12

Encounter 5: The Master himself
Location: The Menagerie
The PCs discover the missing Pathfinder in the corpse littered menagerie. Their comrade is possessed. Lesser nabasu are flying around him. In his hands he holds the invoked idol. The PCs can end the possession in two ways: kill the Pathfinder or destroy the idol. Destroying the idol spares the Pathfinder. Use lesser Nabasu and Human with demon possessed creature template (Quasit/Balor). (Advanced Bestiary pg. 51). EL 10/13.

Conclusion
If the PCs are successful, they end the nabasu threat, destroy the activating idol, and end the possession of their comrade.
Faction missions
Gain a rubbing of an idol, raise funds for future missions, discover the fate of the missing Pathfinder, look at Rask’s finance logs, and obtain a Kellid artifact.

The Exchange

Larcifer

See the discussion thread of Ziggurats for my comments.

Cheers


thanks! Anyone else, please feedback is welcomed.

Dark Archive

I say that it looks very good. The only change I would make is that I would not have the missing Pathfinder be possessed. He has simply gone native and is leading the assault of his own free will. Sort of a heart of darkness scenario.

Spoiler:
Demonic possession was done in #5 and we don't want to over do that like undead were overdone.


Very good point, about the demon possession, like undead and cults, I doubt they want repeats in scenerios that are just 20 young, thanks for the time you took to read my submission, it really is quite a process!

Dark Archive

No problem. I am working on a submission of my own, so any help I can be to someone else, just helps me focus my thoughts as well.

Scarab Sages

David Fryer wrote:
No problem. I am working on a submission of my own, so any help I can be to someone else, just helps me focus my thoughts as well.

In that case, you should check out THIS THREAD, as there are a number of people* who've posted their PFS20 adventures.

Cheers! :D

*Yes, myself included.


hey comic Jam, I will go and critique your submission, can you please do the same for mine thanks ...going to the other thread.

Scarab Sages

Larcifer wrote:
hey comic Jam, I will go and critique your submission, can you please do the same for mine thanks ...going to the other thread.

Deal! (Maybe I will start a "Critique Exchange" thread for scenario #19- even though I didn't write for it).

Disclaimer: I'm not that good at critiques, but here goes.

I like the encounter ideas - they seem to have their own personality to them, with the knowledge tests, windstorm etc. And I feel this is important to have in a PFS adventure.

The main thing that hits me when reading this is the very short sentences. I can see why you did it (to reduce the number of words), but it does not really flow well. One of the best pieces of advice that Josh gave out was for the author to read his/her entry aloud. I can add to that and say read it aloud to yourself after a day of not looking at it. It really helps.

The second thing (a very important point) is that you need to clarify where the demons come from. I got a little confused - did they come from the sky/ground/a portal?

Overall, it is an interesting story. Very Pathfinder Society orientated with idols [a la Mists of Mwangi! ;)] and an art exhibition.

The thing is, its all a matter of taste, and I'm not really sure what to say otherwise. I know I was happy with mine (and thanks for the comments), but with no official reply/comments I have no idea if its good or not. Personally, I like Wintergreen's style alot! Also heed French Wolf's advice - its MUCH better than mine! ;)

Cheers! :D

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