Scenario 17's that weren't accepted


Society Scenario Submissions

Dark Archive

Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Feel free to start a thread and share the entries that weren't accepted--though keep in mind Paizo's policy regarding subject matter posted on the boards when doing so.

Summary of my rejected post: Dwarven druid is in the processing of summoning the ettercap creator and it's up to the PCs to stop her.

Josh's critique: Too much passive voice; entry paragraph did not "grab" him; language confusion in describing parts of her history.

Post up, folks!

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16

joela wrote:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Feel free to start a thread and share the entries that weren't accepted--though keep in mind Paizo's policy regarding subject matter posted on the boards when doing so.
Post up, folks!

OK - here goes!

Introduction
Three score years have passed since the Pathfinder Pergard Wastenar and the buccaneer Tamiv Schier spectacularly perished while battling over the inscrutable Starfall Rubbing. Clinched in desperate close-quarters combat, an ill-considered burning hands reacted with Tamiv’s necklace of missiles to end them both.

Yet Tamiv did not rest easily in his grave, and his ghost still haunts the site of the vast conflagration, Blackchar Village, and its misbegotten gang of river brigands. Recently one of his ships downriver seized Kasha Kallingmere, a Taldor heiress in possession of an ensorcelled ring able to belatedly decipher the now-ghostly Starfall Rubbing.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
So far so good—good hook, good opening, solid all around.

This stroke of fortune was short-lived - the ring was waylaid en route by Varisthu, the leader of an ethereal filcher and phase spider band who find the lawless River Kingdoms the perfect environment for cross-planar larceny. Living parasitically off Varithu’s group is the sniveling, sycophantic ettercap Sourweaver, who serves as its acerbic translator.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Now you've lost me. Ethereal filcher's are solitary as are most phase spiders—the phase spiders that aren't solitary group with their own kind.

The adventure begins with the PCs directed to Blackchar Village from the rudimentary Pathfinder lodge in Hajoth Hakados and instructed to return with the Starfall Rubbing, which was thought long-lost. On their arrival, Tamiv’s horrifically charred apparition concocts a yarn about Kasha being his great-granddaughter and offers to allow the PCs to replicate the rubbing on her safe return.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
The summary asked for an ettercap—where's the ettercap?

Encounter #1
After being loaned a small pirate skiff and a modest crew the PCs travel downriver towards the ambush site. On the river they are accosted by ruthless Chelish low templars reluctantly travelling to Mendev to fight in the Fourth Crusade. The PCs can choose to fight or negotiate with the faithless crusaders. If drawn into conflict, the crusader ship releases a salvo of animated skeletal salmon from long range, each bearing a sonic glyph of warding. If these are defeated, the templars engage in a boarding action, led by their diabolist cleric.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
How does this encounter fit the plot? It feels way too random.

Encounter #2
As the PCs approach the lost vessel, a band of ethereal filchers appear and begin to steal anything magical that’s not nailed down, including spell foci and components. Each will flee into the ethereal plane once they have snatched a prize.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Creating situations where PCs lose gear, especially in organized play, is a good way to lose players.

Encounter #3
As they recover, Varisthu’s ship rams the PCs’, phasing out of the ethereal plane. The bizarre vessel is a ramshackle conglomeration of flotsam bound together with phase-spider silk, allowing ethereal travel when jolted by arcane magic.
Spoiler:
]
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
This ship is a cool idea.

The PCs are assaulted by the remaining filchers and phase spiders, aided by Varisthu’s otherworldly harmonies. Sourweaver cravenly cowers unless an opportunity arises to lay low an unsuspecting foe. Once half of the monsters are slain, Varisthu (via a tongues spell) or Sourweaver will sue for peace.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Who's Sourweaver? He's not in the introduction.

The ship has no entrances to below-decks, the filchers move ethereally (or materially) through the ship to get to the lower decks. Inside are sanity-warping alien “artworks”, including Kasha’s imprisoned ghost and piles of semi-magical paraphernalia covered in drooling layers of gelid ectoplasm.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Adding alien artwork that warps your sanity makes this entire encounter too complicated.

Encounter #4
The PCs now set sail back to the pirate lair with the ethereal ship. On the deck they learn of Tamiv’s lies from Kasha’s ghost and give her one last melancholy waltz before she fades away. At this point they can convince their adopted crew to switch allegiances.

Encounter #5
On returning to the pirate camp, Tamiv has no intention of honouring his deal, citing the PC’s failure to bring Kasha back alive. Knowing of his lies, the PCs can use the ethereal ability of the ship to fight Tamiv on their terms and snatch the Starfall Rubbing from the astonished ghost.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
This isn't a very strong conclusion—mainly because I'm not enamored by the filcher idea here.

Conclusion
The PCs disperse the slack-jawed pirates and escape the camp before Tamiv’s site-anchored ghost can re-form, triumphantly returning to the Pathfinder lodge with a copy of the Starfall Rubbing.

Faction Missions

  • Andoran – Free the unfortunate Andoran emissary held at Blackchar.
  • Chelax – Identify some corrupt templars to become spies and assassins in Mendev.
  • Osirion - Return with a sample of the exceptionally scarce phase-spider silk.
  • Qadia – Bargain with the ethereal ship to become an untraceable smuggling vessel for the faction.
  • Taldor – Return part of Kasha’s body to the faction for raise dead, so she can maintain the Kallingmere line.

Spoiler:
Joshua J. Frost wrote:
While your writing is strong and you manage to avoid easy instances of passive voice, your story needs work. Focus a lot more on the plot of your next submission. Pathfinder Society needs simple, easy-to-follow, yet engaging stories. Read the first eight or so that we've released to get a better idea of how they flow.

EDIT: Added Josh's comments.


Thanks for sharing your work and the editor's comments.

Fascinating!

I agree with Josh; keep sending him more.


Oops, I see a mistake in my comments, too. You do mention Sourweaver in the intro. :-)

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16

Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Oops, I see a mistake in my comments, too. You do mention Sourweaver in the intro. :-)

I doubt it would have made too much difference. I get the feeling you were looking for an ettercap adventure, not an adventure with an ettercap cameo appearance.

Anyway - where are the rest of the submissions? [checks US time zones] Oh...right...that sleep thing.


Hmmm. Well it looks like my rhetorical train never really got out of the station on this one, but I'll be back for the next round. I'll work on curbing the circuitous diction for next time.

Background
Two weeks ago, a starmetal meteorite fell just outside Numeria’s eastern border bearing a cargo of two puppeteers—travelers from another world.
Finding themselves in the abandoned town of Pitch Creek these travelers set about dominating the present inhabitants. It quickly became apparent, however, that this pair of ettercaps could not have constructed the town themselves. The puppeteers set out to learn more of the original inhabitants, modeling the population using the materials at hand. They harnessed the ettercaps’ affinity for spiders to create brood puppets from exhumed remains, and trained these to imitate human activities as best they could deduce them.
Serendipitously, a group of humans arrived soon after. These were incapacitated for further study, though all but one were accidentally killed. The skeletons of the dead became additional brood puppets, while their skins were hung above the Sellen to welcome future guests.

Spoiler:
Two weeks ago, a starmetal meteorite fell just outside Numeria’s eastern border bearing a cargo of two puppeteers—travelers from another world.
One, we're not ready to explore the silver mount or anything related to it and this is very similar to the silver mount. Two, puppeteers? What?
Finding themselves in the abandoned town of Pitch Creek these travelers set about dominating the present inhabitants. The abandoned town is now not abandoned? It quickly became apparent, however, that this pair of ettercaps Wait the puppeteers are now ettercaps? could not have constructed the town themselves. The puppeteers set out to learn more of the original inhabitants, modeling the population using the materials at hand. They harnessed the ettercaps’ So the ettercaps live in the abandoned town and the alien puppeteers are harnessing them? Can you see how this opening paragraph is REALLY confusing? affinity for spiders to create brood puppets from exhumed remains, and trained these to imitate human activities as best they could deduce them.
Serendipitously, Avoid that word. a group of humans arrived soon after. These were incapacitated for further study, though all but one were accidentally killed. The skeletons of the dead became additional brood puppets, while their skins were hung above the Sellen to welcome future guests.
Your first paragraph has to sell me on two things: your plot and your writing ability. While you're writing ability is decent, your plot is just weird. For your next submission, make sure you're selling me a very clear, very clean plot.

Encounter 1
The PCs find themselves, secreted aboard the River Eel, just as it is attacked by one of the Gerrialli twins, famed highwaymen of the Sellen. At tiers two and three, both twins attack, and at tier three a gang accompanies them. The PCs make dramatic entrances during the surprise round, before being whisked into a flashback. The flashback describes their receipt of letters from Adril Hestram, who instructs them to drop everything, help out pirate leader Sidaea Müre, and recover a stolen tome as payment.
After the fight, the PCs continue downriver to Sidaea’s camp, where she tells them that she recently sent her daughter, Aidetta, downriver with a team to recover a starmetal meteorite. The group’s last contact was a messenger, who returned claiming the town of Pitch Creek had been resettled, and that they would negotiate a pact with its inhabitants to procure the meteorite. His companions never returned and their skins, excepting Aidetta’s, now hang across the river.

Encounter 2
Arriving at Pitch Creek, the PCs find a necropolis. A matted canopy of webs covers the sky, and dozens of brood puppets act out “typical” human behavior. A blacksmith pounds flayed flesh, as a shopkeeper sells handfuls of dust to eager children. An ettercap-bound puppeteer watches from the canopy, telepathically adding dialogue to each scene, and using charm monster to encourage the PCs to “act normally”. It is the puppeteers’ intention to observe the PCs while they are in town and thereby study human interaction.
The content of these vignettes is based mostly on the puppeteers’ interrogation of Aidetta, though it is filtered through their own alien logic. Because Aidetta is aware of her situation, components of each scene hint at her current location. While PCs can start fights, the brood puppets will not attack without provocation.

Encounter 3
Eventually, the PCs trace Aidetta to the steeple of the church where she is watched by the second ettercap-bound puppeteer. As they explore the building, the charmed Aidetta uses illusions and unseen servants to try and scare them away. Once they reach her chamber, they must contend with both ettercaps, accompanied by increasingly large spider pets at higher tiers. Potentially, a fire breaks out, spreading to the webs about town, and necessitating a speedy rescue.

Conclusion
The PCs return Aidetta to her camp and are given the McGuffin tome to take back to Absalom.

Summary and Faction Missions
Andoran
Free thinking is important: if you find anything that interferes with free thinking (i.e. a puppeteer), bring it back
Cheliax
I’m interested in the poisons of rare spiders. Get bitten by any spiders you see and I will “extract” the poison from you later.
Osirion
Spirits speak of creatures like undead, but without undead weaknesses. Find one, and get it to wear this ring so that we may scry on it.
Quadira
Spiders of the area produce fine silk; make sure any large quantities of webbing you find remain intact (not burned), and we will send a ship later.
Taldor
We are currently looking to recruit the Gerrialli twins as agents in the area; see that they don’t die.

Appendix: New Monsters
Puppeteer (Magical Beast)
This is basically the creature from the Psionic SRD, with its psionic abilities replaced by magic ones.
Brood Puppet (Construct)
A swarm of spiders able to maintain humanoid form, using a skeleton for structural support. They are coated with a “skin” of cobwebs, which breaks like a piñata when they are defeated, spilling out a spider swarm.

Dark Archive

A few grammar problems, a few problems arising out of cutting back on some of the background fluff (the wrong way to get to 750 words is to start with a thousand and cut back), and a few more fundamental issues.

I think my biggest concern is that there's nothing positive here -- I can fix the things I'm getting wrong, but if the best of the rest is just okay rather actually good then it suggests there are more fundamental problems with what I'm (not) doing.

If anyone has any particular comments/advice I'd be grateful.

Summary
For more than a decade Captain Lucas Mayborn harassed Chelaxian shipping in the Inner Sea as an Andoran privateer until word of his raids spread too far and threatened to become a public embarrassment to his sponsors in Almas who were preaching the virtues of the rule of law. Councillor Tremayne was less plagued by idealism than many of his fellows on the People's Council and retained the captain personally, ostensibly to protect Andoran shipping interests passing through the bandit-riven River Kingdoms, but in truth to obtain Numerian relics and lore travelling down from Hajoth Hakados, particularly any such relics carried on ships sailing under Chelaxian or Taldoran colors.

Spoiler:
That opening sentence is a really long, run-on sentence. Also, Andoren privateers are never an embarrassment when they crush Chelish shipping—they're heroes.

The waterways of the River Kingdoms are home to countless pirates and bandits, and when a disagreement of territory with another group threatened to turn into all-out war a desperate Mayborn solicited the aid of a vile witch -- Rakeen, a druid in the service of Mazmezz, the demonic queen of vermin. A deal was struck, and the next night the rival's camp was overrun by swarms of vermin, the sleeping pirates devoured alive by the hordes of spiders.

Spoiler:
Demon druids are weird because druids have to be any neutral and demons are CE. Hard to imagine even a NE druid working with a CE demon. In order for something like this to work, you have to show me why it would work story-wise. Also, its very hard to imagine an Andoren privateer eliciting the aid of demons to solve his problems. I need a lot reasons why this would work and for a 4-hour event, its best to avoid plot choices that take a lot of reasons.

Over the last year Mayborn has several more times sought Rakeen's assistance, but each time it has come at a higher price; eventually, unable to stomach the latest demands, he renounced the witch's aid and now finds himself her enemy. In return for help he offers an ancient Numerian text on otherwordly fey which while mostly accurate has a few serious mistakes.

Structure
Encounters #1 & #5 are required. #2, #3, #4 are optional, though I would expect most to be undertaken, each of #2-4 occur on wrecked ships along the bank of a tributary of the Sellen River leading to Rakeen's lair. If short of time #4 is the easiest to drop as it isn’t involved in any faction missions.

Spoiler:
At most, a scenario should have one alternate encounter—making three of them not required means three encounters are not intricately tied to the plot. That's lazy design. Every scenario should be tied to the plot.

Encounter #1 skills or combat; EL 1/3/6
While searching the remains of a camp used by Mayborn's men the party encounter a swarm (1/2/2+2 advanced large spiders according to tier) of spiders moving along the riverbank devouring everything in their path -- their trail of devastation leads towards Rakeen's lair.

Spoiler:
encounters (regarding "... the party encounter a swarm ...")

Encounter #2 traps, combat; EL 3/5/8
The first ship is home to an ettercap, its traps and pets. This was the ship that carried a member of the Darklight sisterhood (Cheliax mission), and at the bottom of a trap lies one of Mayborn's navigators (Qadira mission)

Encounter #3 skills or combat; EL 4/6/9
The second wrecked ship holds 2 of Mayborn's men who have been taken captive by Rakeen, guarded by Rakeen's acolyte (Druid 2/4/7) and more spiders. Appropriate scouting (track, search, spot, listen), stealth (hide, move silently) and movement (climb, jump) will enable the prisoners to be freed without detection.

The prisoners are the pirate who slew the Osirion venture captain (Osirion mission) and the potential Taldoran agent (Taldor mission).

Spoiler:
Passive voice (regarding "... who have been taken ...")

Encounter #4 skills and combat; EL 2/4/7
While searching the third wrecked ship it becomes unstable and starts sliding back into the water, beginning to flood and disturbing the spiders nesting in the rotting wood. The party must not only escape the rapidly submerging vessel themselves but are also in the way of the spiders as they flee towards dry land as well.

Encounter #5 traps, combat; EL 5/7/10
The final encounter with Rakeen (Druid 3/5/8) and her ettercap allies. Appropriate reconnaissance will identify several traps set by the ettercaps, otherwise when they attack Rakeen the party risk plunging into spider-filled pits. Rakeen's druidic abilities are changed to effect vermin rather than animals.

Among Rakeen's possessions is correspondence from Mayborn to her referencing Andorian (Andorian mission)

Faction missions
Andoran -- ensure that any evidence linking anyone in the employ of Andoran to a demon-worshipper is destroyed.

Cheliax -- a ship carrying a member of the Darklight sisterhood was recently attacked by Mayborn, locate the ship and recover her diaries.

Osirion -- the venture captain from whom the ancient text was taken was Osirion. Determine which of Mayborn's men slew him and ensure he doesn't survive.

Qadira -- obtain a map of this part of the River Kingdoms detailing where various ships have been scuttled.

Taldor-- a member of Mayborn's band with ties to Taldor is to be convinced to start acting as a agent for them within the band of pirates.

Spoiler:
Overall, this submission is clunky. Focus more on a solid plot with interconnecting encounters for your next submission. Avoid weird plot decisions. Watch for passive voice.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

I was worried that in the end my non-native written english would hit me in the teeth. I guess it may have done so not in grammah but in expressing my ideas. Well, here is the submission + comments:

For a short while, the Indigo Boys gang figured their deal with the ettercap Grabjaw ambushing merchant barges near the River Kingdom’s Numerian border was a good idea. The ettercap would set a web trap, send its spiders in to cause confusion and then the pirates would strike.

J Frost wrote:
There's a band in the US called the Indigo Girls and your gang name immediately makes me think of them and its distracting. I love the name Grabjaw.
JMB wrote:
Worse part is that I've heard of the band, but that didn't come to mind when I wrote the submission :P

It all worked well, until the trap caught the ship Eriel Metodas was traveling in. Returning from Mendev after realizing the crusade was useless, this taldan adventurer figured he could do much better selling Worldwound artifacts in Absalom.

As Grabjaw’s spiders infiltrated the boat, the ettercap sensed a powerful force coming from Eriel’s room. After immobilizing the former crusader, Grabjaw searched the room to find a strange amulet that seemed to enhance his senses. Made out of a demon’s horn, the amulet spilled corruption, and would allow Grabjaw to twist life itself and empower the ettercap and its spiders.
Drunk with power, Grabjaw made the boat its fortress and attacked the pirates who came to assault the ship. Those who were not fed to its spiders were kept alive to become the source of a new experiment: living wombs for a new generation of tainted spiders.
Figuring the ettercap had found some valuable treasure in the boat, but not willing to risk their lives anymore, the Indigo Boys decided to use a trump card: get Pathfinder Society’s help in exchange for an ancient text captured months ago from a now deceased venture-captain.
The adventure begins as the party meets the Indigo Boys at their home port on a tributary of the Sellen River, where they deal with the pirate leader Arno Casilla. Arno is suspicious of the party and hides the true story about his connections with the ettercap, explaining they came across a web-covered merchant barge and were assaulted by spiders while investigating it. The party may get a few clues of something wrong here and investigate further, even asking for the promised ancient text. Arno plays nice as long as the party is useful.
The party then moves up the river towards the boat, just to find it half-encased in strange thick webs on the river’s margin. As they approach, they come across large spiders with an alien look to them, as if tainted by evil itself. After a short fight, they may discover cocoons with trapped (and already dead) pirates hanging on the trees.

J Frost wrote:
This calls for a new monster and we really don't have space for new monsters in the scenarios. We also want to avoid aliens for our campaign setting as we have a very specific idea of how they're going to work.
JMB wrote:
The idea was just that the spiders looked alien, as a foreshadowing of the tainted monsters ahead. But they are just plain old giant spiders.

The next step is to enter the boat, which is not an easy feat, considering the strong web covering everything. Discretion is also unlikely, as the ettercap left sentinels waiting for any trouble. As the party reaches the top deck of the boat, they discover what happened to the pirates left alive: they appear, pale and bloated, angrily screaming to be killed. They attack like berserkers. As a pirate is killed, his stomach bursts open and tiny albino spiders swarm out, attacking whoever killed the host body. The party must deal with the pirate-wombs before investigating the boat any further.

J Frost wrote:
This section would take new rules and new rules are bad for a 4-hour scenario.
JMB wrote:
I considered something simple, like as the pirate is killed, it released a spider swam.

The boat has a few rooms that may be explored, with minor treasures, more cocoons and faction mission objectives before coming across the cargo hold. Grabjaw turned it into its nest. Now, the ettercap, its body twisted and sick with the tainted plague due to the amulet’s influence, raving mad, sits on a throne made of web, speaking with a dead Eriel, who is strapped to a giant spider’s back. The ettercap sees the party as more Indigo Boys and, after denouncing their pact broken, Grabjaw attacks with its last servants.

J Frost wrote:
Ettercaps are Int 6 and live only to eat and raise spiders. This level of evil hyper intelligence seems out of place.
JMB wrote:
The idea was that the amulet's influence was responsible for this evilness.

Just moments after the party deals with Grabjaw and have some time to explore the cargo hold, Arno Casilla and his last men board the ship. With a smirk, he orders the party to drop their weapons and surrender. The treasure is theirs and they are his prisoners. They will cross the border into Numeria, where a party of pathfinders can be sold for a small fortune. The party must then deal with the Indigo Boys to be able to recover the ancient text and return to Absalom.

J Frost wrote:
The ending is really confusing. It seems to say that the PCs *will* be captured and sold in to slavery which is a weird way to end a scenario for a continually running organized play campaign.
JMB wrote:
I see I didn't make it clear. The idea was that Casilla and his remaining pirates jumped the party saying they would be taken prisioners. But the party can beat them, even as a followup battle from the ettercap's one.

Andoran Mission – Acquire documents that prove Arno Casilla’s dealings with slavers and his connections.

Chelish Mission – Recover any sign of demonic taint, like a web or spider specimen, for study.
Osirion Mission – Recover Wardstone shards smuggled by Eriel.
Qadiran Mission – Obtain the boat captain’s log book.
Taldan Mission – Erase any record of Eriel’s cowardly escape from Mendev, including destroying his body.

J Frost wrote:
Overall your submission was pretty strong and I felt it was one of the top four. The confusing plot and blurred ending, in the end, made me go with someone else. Focus on a more linear, easier-to-follow plot in your next submission.
JMB wrote:
I'm very happy with the result. I'll keep in mind these comments and work on making my ideas clearer. I guess that, if I've been more careful explaining my ideas, maybe I would be signing #17 ;)

Sovereign Court

I have to say I'm very worried about the accuracy needed for all the descriptions. Sure, they need to be to be coherent, but it does really shoot the legs of those who are not native with the English language.

Then again I know two English philologists. The other sent his submission. My cunning plan involves tagging the other along as a proofreader.

To me it seems people tried too exotic storylines. Way too exotic! You don't need demons, evil artifacts, or aliens from outer space to make a story interesting. I think that's one thing worth mentioning.

Dark Archive

bump

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

My entry was clunky and uses the name of a unknown rapper ;>

The Sellen River serves as one of the main supply lines for the Mendevian Crusades. The self-proclaimed lords, princes and kings of the River Kingdoms grow rich from taxing or raiding the traffic that travels through their domains. Rugen the Black, Pirate Prince of Rugana, is one of the princes of the River Kingdoms who has preyed upon the crusaders for a great many years. Rugana, founded by Rugen in 4707, is a very small principality near Numeria. Recently several of Rugen’s men have been found dead while dangling in spider webs stretched across the Sellen River. Rugen, powerless and fearing for his safety, has offered the Society the return of the ‘Scroll of Nescu’ as a reward for immediate assistance. The scroll was seized by Rugen while en route to Absalom. The Society has dispatched the PCs to negotiate a pact between the Society and the Pirate Prince.

Background:
Erena Mersan ran afoul of Rugen the Black a few months ago while transporting a cargo hailing from Starfall. Erena’s sharp tongue gave Rugen a severe lashing and Rugen took it upon himself to wash the woman’s mouth with liquids harvested from the Silver Mount. After Rugen took her cargo, he sent Erena on her way. After a few days, Erena succumbed to convulsions that wracked her body. The liquids of the Silver Mount transformed Erena into something resembling a drider. Enraged by her transformation and abandoned by her companions. Erena preys upon Rugen’s men with the help of spiders and ettercaps.

As the PCs travel upstream towards Rugana in a keelboat provided by the Society they come upon a small band of pirates travelling downstream in two rowboats. The pirates are escaping both Rugen’s rule and the mysterious foe preying upon them. The pirates’ hail the keelboat for help and once their rowboats are attached to the keelboat the pirates attack savagely.

Once the PCs reach Rugana and its capitol: Eamon’s Crossing, a small village of 500 souls. They discover that Rugen has withdrawn his court to his flagship, the Black Swan, which is anchored in the middle of the Sellen River. Once they secure an audience with the Pirate Prince they can enter into a pact with him. This will be a diplomacy skill challenge appropriate for the PCs level. Success means that the PCs secure more than just the return of the ‘Scroll of Nescu’.

From Rugen the PCs receive directions to the location where he found his men dangling across the river. Rugen feared a trap so he asks the PC to retrieve his men for him. While cutting the desiccated corpses from the webs, the PCs are ambushed by spiders.

The spiders receive ranged support from the ettercaps while they engage the PCs.

Once the spiders are defeated, the ettercaps can be followed to their nest. There the PCs face an ambush by the ettercaps who use their web ability to snare PCs.

Once the ettercaps have been defeated and the apparent threat to Rugen’s reign has been removed, Rugen decides to honor the PCs with a feast aboard his flagship. He presents them with the ‘Scroll of Nescu’ and any other bauble they agreed upon. Then the flagship is attacked by Erena and her spiders.

If Erena and her spiders are slain and Rugen survives than the PC receive more than they bargained for from a grateful Rugen. If Rugen is slain his successor, reluctantly, honors the pact.

Andoran: Identify possible future contacts for the Andoran Faction while in Eamon’s Crossing.

Cheliax: Rugen is an irregular slaver. Cheliax supports Rugen’s reign and wishes that he survives the current unpleasantness.

Osirion: Through Rugen’s veins flows Osirian blood. Give Rugen a book dealing with Osirion’s illustrious past, so he may rediscover his roots.

Qadira: Hammer a magical nail in the Black Swan’s wood. So that Qadiran traders may know when Rugen’s ship is near.

Taldor: Retrieve any fallen banner or standard belonging to Taldor, to restore the honor of Taldans everywhere.


Deussu wrote:
Said a bunch of stuff about being a non-native speaker.

The winner of the first RPG Superstar was a non-native speaker.

Sovereign Court

Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Deussu wrote:
Said a bunch of stuff about being a non-native speaker.

The winner of the first RPG Superstar was a non-native speaker.

Oh bummer.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16

Deussu wrote:
Oh bummer.

Deussu, if you ever need someone to double-check your English, just let me know. I'd be glad to help. Many of the others in the Paizo Chatroom would be just as willing.

Ask and you shall receive...

Dark Archive

Darkjoy wrote:
My entry was clunky and uses the name of a unknown rapper ;>

50 Copper Pieces? Grandmaster (of flowers) Flash? Or perhaps the aberrant serpentine hip-hop collective N.W.A.?

Paizo Employee Director of Brand Strategy

Sir_Wulf wrote:
Deussu wrote:
Oh bummer.

Deussu, if you ever need someone to double-check your English, just let me know. I'd be glad to help. Many of the others in the Paizo Chatroom would be just as willing.

Ask and you shall receive...

And we promise not to steal your ideas. Really.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Callum Finlayson wrote:
Darkjoy wrote:
My entry was clunky and uses the name of a unknown rapper ;>
50 Copper Pieces? Grandmaster (of flowers) Flash? Or perhaps the aberrant serpentine hip-hop collective N.W.A.?

No it was that most famous of entertainers: Eamon.......

Josh's advice to google names is valid, but I never saw Eamon coming.

The Exchange RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8

Joshua J. Frost wrote:
Deussu wrote:
Said a bunch of stuff about being a non-native speaker.

The winner of the first RPG Superstar was a non-native speaker.

Off-topic praise for 'non-native' speaker writers:

Spoiler:

I've taught writing to 'non-native' speakers extensively and have found that those who go on to post-graduate work are better organized writers and more strategic in their planning than most of the 'native' speakers I've worked with.

The best marks that I got in graduate school were when we worked in pairs; I always chose the 'non-native' speakers to work with as they could bring academic skills and strategies to support my frenetic, off-the-wall, and intuitive writing.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16

Here was my no-go submission:

Adventure Background
Cor Maveon is one of dozens of River Pirate captains looking for the right edge to make the leap from a roving pirate lord to ruling his own kingdom in the Sellen River Valley. His charm and quick tongue allowed him to change his meeting with Techarlian the ettercap from certain death into his ticket to the big time. He convinced the spider creature that instead of killing him they should join forces, allowing Cor to make bigger and more daring attacks, while feeding his victims to Techarlian and his spider minions.

Spoiler:
Immediately I'm unable to believe that a solitary Int 6 creature who lives only to eat and raise spiders would make a deal with anyone. [/spolier]

A victim of my own editing here - I at one point had included a line about how the ettercap was of above average intelligence for his kind.

Unfortunately for Cor, his newfound success was short lived. After a raid on a Pathfinder explorer’s expedition, the ettercap proved far more intelligent than most of its kind and decided that it had learned enough about piracy from the human. Techarlian ended the partnership, and Captain Maveon was barely able to escape with his life. Cor learned that his troubles had only begun, as Techarlian began targeting his band of pirates as his first prey on the rivers, and his crew began turning up dead and cocooned. After attempts to destroy the ettercap failed, Cor contacted the Pathfinders, hoping to use them to remove the usurper of his territory.

Encounter #1 – River Guides of Hanspur
The PCs enter the River Kingdoms and must recruit guides to help them navigate the waterways to their destination near the Numerian border. Unfortunately for them, they encounter disciples of Hanspur, the local river god. Once far from any settlements, they attempt to sacrifice the PCs and drown them in the night.
[spoiler]This scene is too random and doesn't mesh with the rest of the plot. For a 4-hour event at a convention or in-store game, each encounter needs to push the plot forward. Random encounters don't do this.


Encounter #2 – Oaksteward Interdiction
While traveling past Sevenarches, the Oakstewards decide that the PCs cannot pass through their lands. The party must find a way through their territory, either through diplomacy, stealth, or by defeating the militant druids through force of arms.
Spoiler:
This encounter seems like it could take hours and I'm not very clear on what exactly would happen. You need to show me what would happen.

Encounter #3 – Spider Ambush
Finally reaching the region where the pirates have been disappearing, the PCs are attacked by a group of monstrous spiders. After defeating the vermin, the PCs can track a highway of webs through the river and surrounding lands to discover the source of the arachnid threat.
Spoiler:
Passive voice

Encounter #4 – Ettercap Pirates
The PCs find the lair of Techarlian, the ettercap pirate. They face his spider minions and web snares while the ettercap harasses them from above and stays out of their reach. Techarlian prefers to attack characters caught in his traps and suspended in midair, while they are separated from their allies.
If sorely wounded, Techarlian attempts to parley for his life, and clever parties can learn that Cor Maveon is playing the Pathfinders for fools, as he was the one who stole the ancient text he has promised as a reward, and likely doesn’t plan on allowing the PCs to return alive once they have removed Techarlian as a threat.
Spoiler:
This is really where you lose me—I cannot picture an Int 6 solitary hunter as a pirate. If you're going to convince me that an ettercap pirate is possible, you *really* have to convince me.

Encounter #5 – Captain Maveon’s Betrayal
When the PCs arrive at their rendezvous location with Captain Maveon, he presents the stolen text as their reward. Before the party can safely leave to return to Absalom, his pirates appear from around a bend in the river and try to salvage some of their increased prestige, and add the PCs equipment to their treasure hoard, preferably with the PCs dead and unable to report the betrayal. To ensure an easy victory, Captain Maveon has brought new allies to the battle, lizardfolk he has impressed with shiny baubles. Should the party struggle with this encounter, the lizardfolk turn on Captain Maveon, to attempt to take all of the treasure, instead of the small share they were promised. Captain Maveon’s poor judge of allies might allow the PCs to salvage a victory out of the jaws of defeat.

Faction Missions
Andoran – One of our agents was seeking to spread the light of freedom to the serfs and vassals of the Black Sovereign of Numeria. They never made contact with an ally of ours in that realm. Find signs of what prevented him from reaching the Numerian border.
Cheliax – The notorious abolitionist Pavo Crispin fled to Sevenarches a decade ago. Determine his cover identity so he can be dealt with in the future.
Osirion – Captain Maveon has a history of acquiring ancient relics. Sources indicate he has in his possession a silver scarab belonging to Menedes XXI. Return it to our homeland, at any cost.
Qadira – Open a trade relationship with the isolationist Oakstewards. Every closed market is a pearl awaiting harvest.
Taldor – Plant false evidence of Kyonin elven spies in Sevenarches. Destabilizing the North aids Taldor.


In the deep reaches of the Echo Forest, the Black Skulls gang established a hideout and factory for a potent distilled poison that they are selling to the Daggermark Assassin's guild. In this dark place, they found and kept a huge bloated monstrous spider. The Brotherhood of the veil heard about the facility and assaulted the facility with their newest ally, the shepherd, a mutated Ettercap blessed by Lamashtu. They quickly captured the Black Skulls, fed them to spiders and had the Shepherd display their empty shelled bodies over the Sellen River near the facility to demoralize the Black Skulls and scare away anyone else.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


It's called the Echo Wood. Also, ettercaps are solitary int 6 hunters—in need a lot more detail if I'm to believe an ettercap is working with anyone.

Spoiler:

What was I thinking? Although an elite ettercap can have up to int 11, I don't see how I could think it would ally with puny humans...

The Black Skulls turns to the Pathfinder Society to hire a team of specialized dungeon delvers to investigate and reclaim their hideout. They offer an ancient text they originally stole from a Pathfinder venture-captain as a reward, as well as enough antitoxin potions for every adventurer. The Black Skulls provide the transportation, a river keelboat manned by a crew of skeletons and introduce the adventurers to the captain, a grizzled old veteran.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


Skeleton crew is a funny pun, but it doesn't fit in Golarion outside of Geb and Nex.

Spoiler:

:) Since food is rare in the Bandit Kingdom, I figured that tireless rowers would be a commodity on most ships. No need to eat, sleep, no complain.

On the Daggermark docks, the Pathfinders encounter a group of thugs hired by the Brotherhood. They quickly captured and locked away the helmsman. After exchanging some insults and threats, it is clear that the Brotherhood has no intention of letting Pathfinders investigate. After a quick fight, the adventurers meet the helmsman, an enigmatic cleric of Norgorber who controls the crew of the keelboat.

On the river, the boat comes to a halt, entangled in a partially submerged tree. While the captain and the helmsman maneuvers to dislodge the ship, a monstrous crocodile gets up on deck to get a bite. The adventurers have to fight the beast, or tame it so they can continue their trip.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


Random encounters are bad for 4-hour scenarios.

Spoiler:

Got it. Keep it focused on the adventure. Although I would have like to see a Druid PC getting a new ally.

Later, the Pathfinders spot movements aft and see Brotherhood archers mounted on giant water spiders chasing them. They circle the keelboat, shooting arrows to soften up the adventurers. Eventually, they start throwing grappling hooks and board the ship. Once defeated, the group can continue their trip upstream.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


Giant water spider mounts doesn't really fit.

Spoiler:

A shame, especialy with all those rivers. I liked the idea of a fast, single man vehicule that could skim over water. The purpose was to have a party of pirates chasing and boarding the ship.

The group finally reaches the Echo Forest, where trees are forming a natural large arch over the river. They reach a gloomy area filled with overhead spider webs. Hanging from those webs are the dozen empty husks of Black Skulls victims. They dock on the small harbor and note that the area is still in use. Crates and barrels are neatly aligned on the river bank.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


Echo Wood. And what, exactly, do they note is still in use?

Spoiler:

My bad, I should have put more meat to that bone.

The Pathfinders find a long spiral stair climbing around a large tree, leading to the entrance of the hanged hideout.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


hanged hideout.???

Spoiler:

Lost in translation. I should have revised this one, I based my translation/interpretation on the Hanging Gardens. What I meant to say was that the hideout was suspended in the trees.

The place is still operational, and the sign of the Black Skulls is visible on several crates, barrels, and alchemical supplies. There are also some bunk beds, and the remains of recent meals. The rest of the complex is covered with think, rigid cobwebs. It leads to a series of rope bridges, spanning the entire river, hidden by spider webs, branches and leaves. On the bridges and platforms, they are ambushed by Brotherhood of veil thugs in front of them, and small monstrous spiders behind them. They have to cut their way to safer grounds.

On the other side of the river, the Pathfinders discover the queen's lair. The queen is a huge, bloated abomination unable to move, good only to breed and produce poison. In this chamber, they meet the Shepherd, and a score of spiders, here to defend the queen and chase the adventurers away.

After a tough fight, the group is brought back to Daggermark where they receive their reward.

FACTION MISSIONS
Andoran Faction: Pathfinders from the Andoran faction who sabotage the poison distillery earn 1 Prestige Award.
Cheliax Faction: Getting the distilled poison recipe earns a Cheliax faction member 1 Prestige Award.
Osirion Faction: Retrieving a vial of new poison earns an Osirion faction member 1 Prestige Award.
Qadira Faction: Recovering the distillery's trade contract earns a Pathfinder of the Qadira faction 1 Prestige Award.
Taldor Faction: A Pathfinder of the Taldor faction who spoils the shipment of poison destined to the Assassin's Guild earns 1 Prestige Award.

Joshua J. Frost wrote:


My biggest complain is that this would be, maybe, a 2-hour scenario. It needs more meat. I'm also not interested in monsters going against their stat blocks unless there's a really good reason for it. For your next submission, focus more on a good, lengthy plot with five solid encounters that will take a good four hours.

Spoiler:

Aye aye, sir!

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013

Before I post my entry, I want to suggest, since we hear a lot from The Boss that ettercaps are Intelligence 6, that some of these submission posted would be improved by representing their ettercaps more as crafty than conversational. I look forward to the winning adventure because I have a feeling that's the ettercap The Boss was looking for.

Also - dibs on the name Thors Jaufso in a future PFS event.

Pathfinder Society Adventure 17: Perils of the Pirate Pact

Introduction:

Captain Thors Jaufso of the Captain's Queen begs the Pathfinder Society for help after discovering several of his men murdered and hung in webs that stretch across a narrow bend of the Sellen River. In exchange for their help, Jaufso offers the Society the return of an ancient and mysterious text related to the Silver Mount of Numeria, the Argent Tome, stolen from the Society a generation ago.

Your submission for #17 was one of my finalists I presented to the editorial team. We didn't go with your submission because we're not yet ready to explore any part of the silver mount yet, and certainly not going to explore that via a four-hour society event. I'd also like to see a better, more indepth introduction. Plot, motivations, etc.

Encounter 1:

An ambitious but charismatic character, Captain Jaufso leads his bravest men to accompany the PCs toward his holdings near the Numerian border. They encounter a lilting ship, the River's Bounty, caught in a network of webbing that again spans the entire river. The party explores the ruined vessel, only to be ambushed by aquatic spiders and, in higher tiers, threatened by unusual traps (example: trapping a victim in the ballast of the ship, causing a straight drop to the bottom of the river). When the crew of the Bounty are nowhere to be found, Captain Jaufso explains the complication - "The Captain of the Bounty is my eldest son and heir. He'll have your ancient manuscript when ye find him." EL 3/5/7 traps and combat with aquatic spiders.

Encounter 2:

The party easily tracks a group of humans into the old forest that grows nearby. Here they are assaulted by a diseased owl bear. Though it is starving and weakened, it still poses a significant risk to the party, especially anyone bitten by spiders while the beast uses its improved grab ability. Inspection of the body will reveal its illness is the result of hundreds of poisonous spider bites, news which prompts the pirates to confess they have hunted a giant spider for weeks while clearing out their riverside holdings. EL 4/6/8 combat with spider-infested owlbear.

I like how each of your seemingly random encounters actually pertain to the overall plot. Keep this up in future submissions.

Encounter 3:

The party arrives at the home of the enormous funnel-web spider being hunted by Jaufso's men. Not only is the Argent Tome not found with the beastafter it is destroyed, a thin strand of webbing connecting the spider's lair to its ettercap caretaker's is disturbed during the fight. When the great spider dies, a monstrous wail of sorrow is heard from deeper within the forest. EL 4/6/8 monstrous spider in a lair prepared with webbed pitfalls.

Encounter 4:

After the fight, Captain Jaufso's remaining men help the PCs discover the remainder of webbed pit traps, some of which contain all the survivors of the Bounty except the still-missing heir. True to their nature, the imprisoned pirates attempt to ambush Captain Jaufso and the party, intent on leaving them for "the thing in the forest" to assist their own escape. EL 3/5/7 combat with pirates.

Encounter 5:

The party, likely without any pirate guides, arrives at the den of the mother ettercap. They must endure her most sinister traps while battling against her and her remaining spider minions. Once they are victorious, they rescue the last living members of Jaufso's pirate crew and liberate the Argent Tome. They return triumphantly to the Pathfinder Society Hall and deliver the Tome to an anxious venture-captain. It is only a matter of time before the PCs' exploits are rewarded with another adventure deep into the Silver Mountain to mine the secrets hinted at by the ancient manuscript. EL 5/7/9 traps and combat with spiders, spider swarms, and advanced ettercap.

Adventure Highlights:

Most or all of the combats in this adventure feature casualties to NPC combatants – the pirates. This preserves the lower challenge rating of some of the encounters, but creates a perception of lethality. Also, the adventure brings to life an under-rated staple of fantasy gaming – the ettercap – and tinkers with the mechanics of well-known monsters to give them a new dimension. Aquatic spiders, an owlbear essentially covered by a swarm of poisonous spiders, and the insidious traps of the ettercap mastermind, are examples of this treatment of familiar adversaries. Finally, the adventure's ending creates the feeling that the PCs' efforts have delivered something invaluable to the Pathfinder Society, guaranteeing they'll be hand chosen for a later adventure under the Silver Mount of Numeria.

Factions:

Factions again take varied interest in the adventure, including requests for poison glands, strong webbing, analysis of the natural traps, a certain piece of pirate loot, and a copy of one of the maps from the Argent Tome.

Again, not a bad submission. I hope you'll continue to submit.

Another thing I realized: Josh isn't going to be playing this adventure. I had this idea that I'd take a good shot at the adventure, but hold back some fun details to up the ante if I was picked to write it. Dumb. The players aren't seeing the pitch, so go for all of it.

A great example: Josh dinged me on motivation and NPC development. Thors Jaufso is a great NPC. As a River Kingdoms pirate, he fancies himself a sovereign ruler. He has a fleet of three ships, but insists his men call him "your majesty" or "sovereign", and thinks of his relationship to the PFS as a diplomatic affair. I think he's great roleplaying for the DM, and a neat example of the temporary city-states that keep cropping up there.

Next time I go for the throat, Frost. : }

Sovereign Court

ancientsensei wrote:

Before I post my entry, I want to suggest, since we hear a lot from The Boss that ettercaps are Intelligence 6, that some of these submission posted would be improved by representing their ettercaps more as crafty than conversational. I look forward to the winning adventure because I have a feeling that's the ettercap The Boss was looking for.

Also - dibs on the name Thors Jaufso in a future PFS event.

Pathfinder Society Adventure 17: Perils of the Pirate Pact

Introduction:

Captain Thors Jaufso of the Captain's Queen begs the Pathfinder Society for help after discovering several of his men murdered and hung in webs that stretch across a narrow bend of the Sellen River. In exchange for their help, Jaufso offers the Society the return of an ancient and mysterious text related to the Silver Mount of Numeria, the Argent Tome, stolen from the Society a generation ago.

Your submission for #17 was one of my finalists I presented to the editorial team. We didn't go with your submission because we're not yet ready to explore any part of the silver mount yet, and certainly not going to explore that via a four-hour society event. I'd also like to see a better, more indepth introduction. Plot, motivations, etc.

Ah, thinly-veiled references to Paizo staffers... :)

I, too, connected my submission with the Silver Mount in Numeria, and was told the same thing. But the outline did say close to the Numerian border, so I figgered why not?

I also used formians as a type of alien hive-spider inside the crashed ship, and was told there were specific plans for formians down the road, so they were a no go. I think I didn't explain well enough that these were just using the stats for formians (to save having to print up a new monster in the limited space of a PFS scenario), not actual formians themselves. But I can see how they wouldn't any confusion down the road about what a formian is later on.

I hope to submit again, if I can find the time!


ancientsensei wrote:
Before I post my entry, I want to suggest, since we hear a lot from The Boss that ettercaps are Intelligence 6, that some of these submission posted would be improved by representing their ettercaps more as crafty than conversational. I look forward to the winning adventure because I have a feeling that's the ettercap The Boss was looking for.

I suffered from this too. My plot involved a young druid who befriended / tamed an ettercap. I didn't give a very plausible explanation to why she didn't get eaten in the first place.

Other than that, my summary and background were way too long. I had a few passive voice errors, and didn't portray the acts very well.

I really appreciated the comments, and look forward to submitting again.

By the way, ancientsensei, I liked your format and story.

I'm tempted to re-write my proposal and actually flesh it out to share, if I have the time.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013

grazi!

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