Round 3 Wannabes – A Writing Exercise

[DCII]

We had a round 2 wannabes writing exercise. Is anyone interested in a round 3 writing exercise?

[Steven Helt]

Hey - being even less experienced than a rookie at this, is anything posted here that is NOT a contest submission still mine?

I still prefer the idea of the focus being on the contestants, but with two full weeks before the next round, it might be fun to 'submit' one entry and have it critiqued by the fans.

Of course, those of us who read the critiques and voted certainly have an advantage the contestants did not, but I think we can all take that for what it's worth.

If it suddenly isn't mine, though, I'll wait to post any of the material I developed for the contest.

[Ross Byers]

I posted mine. I'd be happy to see what everyone else came up with.

[mwbeeler]

Wasn't really a submission, just an idea I needed to get out of my head.

Enjoy (or hate) regardless: Tada!

ancientsensei wrote:

Hey - being even less experienced than a rookie at this, is anything posted here that is NOT a contest submission still mine?

I pretty much assume that anything posted here no longer belongs to me. That said, I think the Paizo people are:

1. Customer focused enough not to steal your ideas without some kind of reciprocity.
2. Full of better ideas and don't need to steal ours.

[Starglim]

mwbeeler wrote:

ancientsensei wrote:

Hey - being even less experienced than a rookie at this, is anything posted here that is NOT a contest submission still mine?

I pretty much assume that anything posted here no longer belongs to me. That said, I think the Paizo people are:

1. Customer focused enough not to steal your ideas without some kind of reciprocity.
2. Full of better ideas and don't need to steal ours.

Looks as if you're partly right:

Messageboards FAQ wrote:

Users posting messages to the site automatically grant Paizo Publishing the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, nonexclusive right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, sublicense, copy and distribute such messages throughout the world in any media.

By my reading, unlike contest submissions, you grant Paizo a licence to grab and use your posts in any way they see fit, but don't lose rights to them yourself.

[mwbeeler]

In retrospect, I think the second joke (the dwarf one) interferes with the gradual darkening of the bio, and I would replace it with something like, “Hurt their feelings? They’re only elves…”

[Samuel Kisko]

mwbeeler wrote:

I pretty much assume that anything posted here no longer belongs to me. That said, I think the Paizo people are:

Eh, you can't take over ownership of someone else post, even if it is stipulate in the terms that there is a transfer of ownership. Most message boards operate as follows:

1. You are not releasing copyrights to the message board owners and still hold copyright of the work and the rights to publish, distribute and exhibit the work.
2. You are transferring to the message board owners non-exclusive, perpetual, royalty-free licence to use the the work in any web pages, publications or exhibitions and to distribute it in a variety of forms for its educational and/or promotional activities and products;
3. It is your responsibility as owners/copyright holders to obtain any permits required by your work ala protected places, photos, etc.. and will be also responsible for any claim or complaint that may be filled by a party who has rights to a person, building, trademark or any other subjects depicted in the submitted work.
4. Work published on the website may be distributed or used by third party under the "fair use rule" (non competitive, non profit, non commercial and personal use).

So in short, a sites terms and conditions are not legally binding upon anyone and the act of registering or posting cannot under law deprive someone of other rights. It's a simple fact that copyright cannot be transferred by someone agreeing to TOS or by merely posting; in the U.S., it's statutory law, not case law.

There is some legalese in that paizo message board faq that would seem to imply they can do more. At least that was my first impression when I read it. The right way to do it is 'All trademarks and copyrights held by respective owners. Member comments are owned by the poster.'

[DCII]

I would appreciate critique of an idea I had. I am seriously thinking about fleshing out this guy and using him in a campaign I am running.

Sick
Fiendish Augmented Awakened Dire Rat (Small Extraplanar Magical Beast) (CR14-1/3; Base [1/3], 9th Level Wizard [9], 2nd Level Major Bloodline Demon [2], +2 HD Awakened [1], Monster possesses special attacks or qualities that significantly improve combat effectiveness [2])

Bound into slavery and servitude as an improved familiar; suffering years of cruel experimentation, which often broke the ensorcelled bonds between master and familiar. Only to be forced back into servitude through the powerful familial bonding ceremonies again and again. His children cruelly experimented upon or used as components in wicked enchantments. Finally, awakened by a druid, who paid for this act with his life, the familial bonds between master and himself were broken forever. Loathing his familial name he took upon himself the name “Sick”. Sick was able to finally enact both his revenge and his escape. His desire for bloody revenge far from satisfied, he now seeks to destroy the races of humanity.

Fur the color of midnight. Sunken eyes, glowing with blue hatred stare out from a narrow rat head adorned with a simple golden band. Razor sharp teeth ready to tear flesh aren’t the only weapons of this cunning and vile enemy. A fierce intelligence and an unrelenting determination lay beyond those haunting eyes.

Background
His former master, recognizing Sick’s prodigal intelligence, used to chuckle as he watched Sick mimic arcane gestures and verbal components during witchery. Sick realized proficiency in wizardry through studious mimicry of somatic gestures, verbiage and careful scrutiny of material components.
After two years he had mastered enough magic to carryout his revenge and escape. He sabotaged his tormentor’s spell components, causing a horrific laboratory explosion. Claiming the life of his former master and providing freedom.
He encountered a clan of rat lycanthropes who believe Sick is a divine avatar.

Schemes
Murder humanoid children via an extremely virulent, magic resistant, strain of filth fever and raise them from the dead. Infect adult humanoids with rat lycanthropy and enslave them to his will. He has chosen the town in which he was originally imprisoned as a small scale test site for his grand desires. His wererat minions have infiltrated many powerful guilds and positions of influence.

Plans
The first part of his plot involves murdering the children of the townsfolk with a rare and highly baneful form of filth fever. The wererat priests are helping raise the infective corpses to carry out Sick’s bidding along with planting false clues pointing to the head priest.
Wererats at the thieves’ guild are importing rats infected with filth fever and metamagic components for Sick. They are working with the wererats of the temple and at the wizard’s guild. The wererats have disguised the infectious materials as medicines to help stave off the disease.
The wizard guild has begun shipping their annually produced wines. The wererats are acting as freighters, exporting the casks of fresh wine from the wizard’s guild. The priests of the temple manage vineyards while the wizards are the vintners and juice producers. Together they cooperatively produce a set of wonderfully popular juices and wines which are shipped all over the country. Wererat wizards are spiking the casks with diseases.

Minions
Among his minions, Sick counts the wererat clan who worship him as a living avatar; various undead skeletons, zombies and ghouls; along with nefarious vermin inhabiting the sewers.

[Starglim]

DCII wrote:

I would appreciate critique of an idea I had. I am seriously thinking about fleshing out this guy and using him in a campaign I am running.

Sick

Hey, bloodlines! Very nice to see more use of UA material.

I half-expected to see a freed familiar among the villain entries and wasn't looking forward to it, but this works a lot better than I expected.

I'm not sure that I would have credited him with abilities worth a +2 to CR, over and above his basic dire rat abilities, class and template which already count.

What benefits does he get from his demon bloodline? The devil bloodline would be pretty useful.

[DCII]

Starglim wrote:

What benefits does he get from his demon bloodline? The devil bloodline would be pretty useful.

Demon

1st +2 on Move Silently checks
2nd Power Attack
3rd Strength +1
4th Resistance to electricity 5 (Ex)
5th Demon affinity +21
6th Smite good 1/day (Su)2
7th +2 on Hide checks
8th Resistance to acid 5 (Ex)
9th Constitution +1
10th +2 on saves against poison
11th Demon affinity +41
12th Resistance to fire 5 (Ex)
13th +2 on Intimidate checks
14th Cleave
15th Charisma +1
16th Resistance to cold 5 (Ex)
17th Demon affinity +61
18th +1 to natural armor
19th +2 on Spot checks
20th Damage reduction 5/good
Devil
1st +2 on Bluff checks
2nd Dodge
3rd Charisma +1
4th Darkness 1/day (Sp)
5th Devil affinity +21
6th Smite good 1/day (Su)2
7th +2 on Diplomacy checks
8th Resistance to fire 5 (Ex)
9th Constitution +1
10th +2 on saves against poison (Ex)
11th Devil affinity +41
12th Resistance to acid 5 (Ex)
13th +2 on Search checks
14th Alertness
15th Intelligence +1
16th Resistance to cold 5 (Ex)
17th Devil affinity +61
18th +1 to natural armor
19th +2 on Listen checks
20th Damage reduction 5/good