The Random Sh**e Thread


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Liberty's Edge

BREAKING NEWS:

Spoiler:
Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL DEAD.


While escorting my younger cousins at the zoo, I managed to convince one of them to eat one of those little crackers they give you to feed to the animals.

Liberty's Edge

Arctaris wrote:
While escorting my younger cousins at the zoo, I managed to convince one of them to eat one of those little crackers they give you to feed to the animals.

Those things are tasty. Believe me.

I was one f&+@ed-up little kid.


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Arctaris wrote:
While escorting my younger cousins at the zoo, I managed to convince one of them to eat one of those little crackers they give you to feed to the animals.

Those things are tasty. Believe me.

I was one f*&~ed-up little kid.

My cousin seems to disagree with you.

All little kids are f$&*ed-up. I ate dog food and chewed on leather.

Liberty's Edge

Arctaris wrote:

My cousin seems to disagree with you.
All little kids are f~@!ed-up. I ate dog food and chewed on leather.

I ate a two-inch carriage bolt. To this day, it has never been found.

I also took a one-inch bite out of the leg of a random stranger.

Liberty's Edge

Dog food? Sheesh!


Arctaris wrote:
While escorting my younger cousins at the zoo, I managed to convince one of them to eat one of those little crackers they give you to feed to the animals.

Really? Score! I've always wanted to get someone to do that. My mom has a funny story about finding me hiding in a closet eating cat food when I was about four. Why I had some desire to do this, I will never know.


Yeah, he was mildly pissed (being a little kid he soon forgot all about it) but it was fun.
Small children are some of the weirdest bastards around. They just don't display any common sense or reason, taking bizarre courses of action and doing the weirdest stuff (like eating bolts, cat food, dirt ect.). I neither understand nor relate well with small children.


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Arctaris wrote:

My cousin seems to disagree with you.
All little kids are f~@!ed-up. I ate dog food and chewed on leather.

I ate a two-inch carriage bolt. To this day, it has never been found.

Yum. Nothing like heavy metal poisoning.

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
I also took a one-inch bite out of the leg of a random stranger.

All little kids seem to bite peopl. I had a special hatred for the dentist. I remember mother giving me quite a talk when I bit his finger when he was cleaning my teeth when I was about six.


Someone's bright pink mixed drink is on the railing outside my house. I'm going to have to get up and throw it away. Ugh.

I know it's a mixed drink because of the several beer cans in my yard below it.

Liberty's Edge

Dirk Gently wrote:

Someone's bright pink mixed drink is on the railing outside my house. I'm going to have to get up and throw it away. Ugh.

I know it's a mixed drink because of the several beer cans in my yard below it.

Or you could just hit it with a slingshot. That would make it fun.


did you guys know they have a mushroom mix to fix just about everything? Sheesh, a girl just bought me some New Chapter Native Man organic mushroom blend; was trying zinc like a friend said, but that was drying out my skin; those of you with acne might try zinc.


Damn; I WILL remember to look this up.

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Valegrim wrote:
its a date of birth thing; I dont think time is needed; so just your birthdate and year
November 20, 1986.


Okay, just a question;
Why am I getting little black dots next to certain threads? I know this has been brought up before, but now I can't find the thread where it was.


Nailo wrote:

Okay, just a question;

Why am I getting little black dots next to certain threads? I know this has been brought up before, but now I can't find the thread where it was.

*Barely resists making a snarky comment about blondes*

They show the threads in which you've posted. Quite handy really. They don't show the threads that you've posted in with aliases though.

Liberty's Edge

The black dots are the result of a plague that has been sweeping the messageboards. Infected threads manifest black dots, then die horrible deaths.


Arctaris wrote:
Nailo wrote:

Okay, just a question;

Why am I getting little black dots next to certain threads? I know this has been brought up before, but now I can't find the thread where it was.

*Barely resists making a snarky comment about blondes*

They show the threads in which you've posted. Quite handy really. They don't show the threads that you've posted in with aliases though.

*Keep on resisting bucko*

Liberty's Edge

OK, this is both good and bad, so it's going here.

My girlfriend left me. For good reason. You see, I'm a soulless jerk, and she kind of needed someone who's all there all the time. I really didn't deserve her. I'm a little bummed, but it was a long time coming. We'll both be a lot happier.

Next step: setting her up with my best friend. He's a great guy, and more of a *people person*. It should work.

Peace,
Shiny


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:


Next step: setting her up with my best friend. He's a great guy, and more of a *people person*. It should work.

Sure you want to go there? On the off chance it doesn't work, that could be more mess preventing the situation from resolving to a good place.

Liberty's Edge

Trey wrote:
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:


Next step: setting her up with my best friend. He's a great guy, and more of a *people person*. It should work.
Sure you want to go there? On the off chance it doesn't work, that could be more mess preventing the situation from resolving to a good place.

You know, I'm gonna stay out of it...

Liberty's Edge

Bummer on the girlfriend situation Shiny, but sounds like you've made peace with it.

As for the setting her up with your friend thing ... um, yeah, not sure that I'd go there myself...

Liberty's Edge

So I was on the bus today, and the chick sitting in the seat next to me was doing her makeup and fixing her hair – using the silver reflective back of the ipod she was listening to as a mirror.

Twenty first frikken century huh? I actually thought that was pretty cool.

Liberty's Edge

Mothman wrote:

So I was on the bus today, and the chick sitting in the seat next to me was doing her makeup and fixing her hair – using the silver reflective back of the ipod she was listening to as a mirror.

Twenty first frikken century huh? I actually thought that was pretty cool.

Where's my g#@$!$n jetpack?

The Exchange

Mothman wrote:
Bummer on the girlfriend situation Shiny, but sounds like you've made peace with it.

The man is right - who needs sex when you have D&D?

Liberty's Edge

Aubrey the Malformed wrote:
Mothman wrote:
Bummer on the girlfriend situation Shiny, but sounds like you've made peace with it.
The man is right - who needs sex when you have D&D?

Some people need both...


From a Richard Lederer book:

1.) It's Operation Desert Storm, and one of the donkeys used to carry supplies keels over, dies, and starts to bloat. Three GIs are assigned the job of burying the beast, and right in the middle of digging, Barbara Walters comes by with a news crew for an interview.
"What are you digging there, men," she asks, "a foxhole?"
"That's what it is! Absolutely!" they all shout in unison.

2.) How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler:
Two, if they're small enough.

3.) Why did the mother forbid her children to read Ivanhoe?

Spoiler:
It was full of Saxon violence.

Liberty's Edge

This is the kind of thing that this thread was originally created for:

I went on an eight-mile short backpacking trip with my Explorer crew on Friday/Saturday/early this morning. Saturday afternoon, I was humping my pack over a particularly nasty hill on the Rotary Scout Reservation.

I look down, and spot something red and shiny on the ground.

I reach down.

I pick it up.

It's a pristine, new-ish four-sided die. It's five miles from the nearest building, and ten miles from the nearest town. What the f~*$? I keep getting this image in my mind of two guys (looking suspiciously like Erik Mona and Wes Schneider) playing D&D on a thirty-degree incline, in the mud, in the middle of a rainstorm.

Liberty's Edge

Oh, and another testament to the stupidity of teenage girls:

I was in a convenience store and heard two teenage girls talking rather loudly. I paid it no mind until I heard this:

"My dog can't eat ice. He's claustrophobic."

Huh? That's up there with "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college," and "Fiction means really true, right?"


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:


It's a pristine, new-ish four-sided die. It's five miles from the nearest building, and ten miles from the nearest town. What the f%*#? I keep getting this image in my mind of two guys (looking suspiciously like Erik Mona and Wes Schneider) playing D&D on a thirty-degree incline, in the mud, in the middle of a rainstorm.

I just imagined that and saw the scene in old school Hobbit animation. Thanks! Made my day!

Liberty's Edge

YeuxAndI wrote:
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:


It's a pristine, new-ish four-sided die. It's five miles from the nearest building, and ten miles from the nearest town. What the f%*#? I keep getting this image in my mind of two guys (looking suspiciously like Erik Mona and Wes Schneider) playing D&D on a thirty-degree incline, in the mud, in the middle of a rainstorm.
I just imagined that and saw the scene in old school Hobbit animation. Thanks! Made my day!

That's kind of the style I saw it in, too...


Kid in front of me in line at a Blockbuster store looks up at a movie poster and says, with utmost scorn in his voice, "DONALD Sutherland?! What is that supposed to be, Keefer's dad or something?"

Liberty's Edge

Kirth Gersen wrote:
Kid in front of me in line at a Blockbuster store looks up at a movie poster and says, with utmost scorn in his voice, "DONALD Sutherland?! What is that supposed to be, Keefer's dad or something?"

"Yes, Johnny, it is."


hehe am I the only one that posts the same thing in Good Things; and Things that Suck? or sometimes Rant Thread? hehe somethings make me both happy and sad; wierd eh.

Liberty's Edge

The platinum-blonde actress Jean Harlow was introduced to Lady Margot Asquith, wife of the British Prime Minister. Harlow insisted on addressing the lady by her first name and made the further mistake of pronouncing the name as if it rhymed with 'cot'. Lady asquith corrected her, "My dear, the T is silent, as in 'Harlow'."

- Richard Lederer, from "Nothing Risque, Nothing Gained"

Liberty's Edge

Today, my mother discovered that her favorite actor's name is not, in fact, Vince Dweezil.

And my father gave this pearl of wisdom: "Tuck your shirt in so you don't look like a f&#~@$."

Ain't life great?


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Ain't life great?

Always keep this thought in the back of your head: Someday, those people are going to get very old, and you get to pick how well they are cared for.

Liberty's Edge

mwbeeler wrote:
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Ain't life great?
Always keep this thought in the back of your head: Someday, those people are going to get very old, and you get to pick how well they are cared for.

Only reason I'm still related to my f~%!ed-up family is that the piles of cashy money they've been hoarding are my only chance of ever getting to college. (Seriously. The reason I can't get financial aid is that my father- a mid-level executive -makes close to $300,000 a year. I don't see a dime.)

And after four years of art school, they ain't seein' my white boy ass ever again. Screw the will. They don't have anything I'd want.

After over twenty years of being f&*%ed with and f!%@ed over, something's gotta give.



My love for you is like a truck, Berserker
Would you like some making f@%@, Berserker
My love for you is like a rock, Berserker

The Berserker is just so obscene
Likes evil people you know what I mean
He takes your soul and then just rips you apart
He'll steal your heart

Would you like to smoke some pot, Berserker
My love for you is ticking clock, Berserker
Would you like to suck my cock, Berserker
Would you like some making f%!@, Berserker

Liberty's Edge

You prostrate yourselves
You restrict yourselves
This is a state of misuse
You overrate yourselves
You addict yourselves
This is a state of abuse

People ashame me
They won't ever tame me
Let loose the pain
Let loose the anger
Let loose the rage and fear
It's all the same, I aim to inflame

You frustrate yourselves
You afflict yourselves
This is a state of disuse
You medicate yourselves
You contradict yourselves
This is a state of abuse

People ashame me
They won't ever tame me
Let loose the pain
Let loose the anger
Let loose the rage and fear
It's all the same, I aim to inflame

You addict yourselves
You addict yourselves
This is a state of abuse
This is a state of abuse
This is a state of abuse
This is a state of abuse


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
...

copy cat... meow

The Exchange

Tensor wrote:


copy cat... meow

Woof

Liberty's Edge

Hey Shiny, Henry Rollins did an interview / guest DJ thing at the radio station I listen to at work yesterday.

Just thought you'd like to know...

Liberty's Edge

Mothman wrote:

Hey Shiny, Henry Rollins did an interview / guest DJ thing at the radio station I listen to at work yesterday.

Just thought you'd like to know...

Pretty friggin' sweet. I am fast becoming known on the boards as "the Rollins guy".


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Mothman wrote:

Hey Shiny, Henry Rollins did an interview / guest DJ thing at the radio station I listen to at work yesterday.

Just thought you'd like to know...

Pretty friggin' sweet. I am fast becoming known on the boards as "the Rollins guy".

I love Henry from way back.

I am a former punk near-do-well.

I just don't have time to give a s$&* about music.

Liberty's Edge

Kruelaid wrote:
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
Mothman wrote:

Hey Shiny, Henry Rollins did an interview / guest DJ thing at the radio station I listen to at work yesterday.

Just thought you'd like to know...

Pretty friggin' sweet. I am fast becoming known on the boards as "the Rollins guy".

I love Henry from way back.

I am a former punk near-do-well.

I just don't have time to give a s~@& about music.

I love Henry from semi-way back.

I am a current punk ne'er-do-well.

Music is all I give a s%#% about.


Wine bars that don't card and attractive intelligent company on a warm rainy night.

I f&$!ing love summer.

Liberty's Edge

Finally the king is dead
We cried off with his head
Everything must change
Everything must change

We danced like new year's eve
We danced for relief
Everything must change
Nothing stays the same


A new unit in Starcraft II

Liberty's Edge

I just got back from spring break in Costa Rica. It was the most surreal experience of my life.

First of all, the reason I got to go was that my buddy Steve was going to go with some of his friends, and one of them backed out. I got the ticket because 1.I don't drink, and therefore can drive people places, and 2.I'm old enough to buy alcohol.

Second, not a lot of partying actually went down. I was rather surprised. The eleven of us hooked up with a tour group two days in, and basically rode a bus cross-country for five days.

Third, when Steve is drunk, he says the damnedest things:
"Hey, you guys seen my hair detergent?"
"Do they have sharks in this ocean?"
"I need to use the, uh... you know, it's like a dishwasher for clothes."
"Dude, like, un-close the door."

Fourth: when leaving the country (Costa Rica), having a bolo machete in your carry-on is perfectly OK. However, when leaving the U.S, you'd better not have any peanut butter in your luggage. Steve got himself searched because the security people were convinced that the JIF peanut butter was gel explosives.

Fifth, don't puke in the shower.

I'll have pictures later.

Liberty's Edge

Pura vida!!!

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