stepsister in the back of a Camaro...
"Something must be done!" he screamed as
the rain fell like poison arrows from
the ceiling. Odin just rolled his eyes
and went back to drinking his mead.
It was good mead. Very good indeed.
So good, Odin completely slept through Ragnarok,
and woke up with a bad hangover.
Fenris Wolf was very upset, since he
had liked Paris's chihuahua familiar until he
puked all over the furniture and caused
an international incident, so the little dog
was determined to end his days trying
to get Odin eaten by the Fenris
Shih tzu, Mr. Twinkles, who was not
only a handsome beast, but also the
fiercest warrior in Valhalla. The bloody melee
woke Odin up in the middle of
a raging headache, so he punted them...
and then drank some more mead. Loki
was so strung out on birth control
that he mistook Beta Ray Bill for
a bearded yak (don't ask me how),
and what ensued caused many to vomit...
a little in their mouths. Sif decided
that so many flagrant violations of the
rules of hospitality required a more stern
punishment than mere decapitation, so Loki was
dressed as a wood nymph and left
to the tender mercies of several dozen
…white poodles, who had not been neutered.
Forever after, Loki was simply known as
"Dances with Poodles," a name that haunted
Kevin Costner forever, as people often mistook
him for the woebegotten Norse deity. In
time, people began to celebrate the day
by getting high on prescription medication and...
doing terrible things to any animal with
four legs and by using ellipses unnecessarily.
... "Hey, did you catch the 'Today Show'
episode that showed the difference between the
mating habits of the wild man-eating
rabid chinchillas and their camouflage abilities?"
"No,
I was too busy regurgitating my peas
into the mouths of the baby rocs
while their mother was circling around, looking
for a parking place at Sears. There
are too many rocs in the world
for any kind of formal parking lot
! Even if said parking lot is located
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