You are goblins of the Licktoad Tribe. Or at least you will be someday. For now, though, you’re whelps—ravenous, amoral, grumpy goblin children who learned to stop eating rocks only a few months ago. In fact, a few of you still try to eat rocks. But with every day that passes, your whelping cage seems smaller and smaller. The outside world increasingly beckons to your goblin curiosity (and appetite), but the hateful cage bars holds you at bay. A couple manage to escape a few times, but are simply tossed back in whenever a goblin happens to notice.
A few other whelps flourish in the cage, even as the smaller and weaker ones are thinned out. Kettlehead stands literally head and shoulders above the competition, being a goblin of impeccable flatulence and having already fashioned himself an impressive hat from a teapot left lying too close to the cages. Even adult goblins—legendary Chief Rendwattle Gutwad among them—have taken note of Kettlehead and his advanced skills of poking the rest of you with sticks and delivering bruise-inducing noogies. He make good goblin for tribe.
But today is special. Today, instead of a bucket of fish heads, whelp-wrangler Loptop brought a key and unlocked the door to your cage, spilling you sorry lot into the world for the first time. Other Licktoads gather around, eyeballing you and chewing on the fish heads that should have been yours.
“You all are too big babies for cages,” Loptop snorts. “But you’re no Licktoads yet. Licktoads gotta be useful. Licktoads gotta be tough! Licktoads gotta earn their places in goblin tribe. And that what you’re gonna do now! Show where you belong, even if that being boneyard!”
Loptop pulls Kettlehead in front of you all. "Kettlehead good goblin. Kettlehead strong goblin! Kettlehead have big hat. Kettlehead is therefore best goblin whelp. Kettlehead already be full goblin." Kettlehead stands on tip-toes and puffs out his chest.
"You all be baby goblin still," Loptop continues. "You must prove you be best goblins, too. Firsties, you wrangle big eight-legger to ground. Show goblin strength and cunning!"
In the middle of the main part of the tribe, the area is a large clearing. The rest of the tribe forms a large circle of onlookers as two goblins grab a large spider into the ring with makeshift thread. Cutting it loose, the goblins slip into the crowd again, along with Loptop and Kettlehead.
You four are left alone in the ring with the large spider and instructions to 'wrangle' it. A leash is tossed into Acewak's face, the device to wrangle the animal with. The spider itself is about the size of a goblin and scarlet in color.
Acewak knows he has to do something to impress everygob. He has seen the riders returning on their goblin dog mounts out the window. He grabs the leash with each hand at an opposite end and tries to leap on top of the spider, trying to put the leash in its mouth like a bit and bridle. He thinks it's a clever idea, and he's so excited at finally being free that the fact that spider's sharp fangs might cut through the leash doesn't cross his mind. He also hasn't even thought about whether the spider can support his weight...
Acewak leaps on top of the spider, clutchting at the spider in a panic as it sudenly rears up in an attempt to throw him off. Determined, Acewak reaches forward to bridle the spider, only to jerk back and have his hands sink right into the spider's fangs.
Dropping the leash in a howl of pain, Acewak th tumbles off the spider's back and rolls a few feet away in a heap. The spider skitters a few feet away in the opposite direction, leaving the leash open for grabs.
The crowd of goblins laugh at the attempt, Kettlehead especially as he boasts that he could do that with one hand chopped off. He quickly stops when another goblin tries to take him up that.
Acewak looks around for something the spider might find appetizing. If the spider is distracted by food, maybe one of the tougher goblins like Pumpkin or Groglurk can wrangle it.
Spiders must like bugs, you think. Loooking around, you don't see many bugs around, though. You find a few small snails, a bettle, and a cricket, which also expertly escapes your grasp when you try to grab it.
She was the only whelp--actually--the only goblin in all the tribe to be the color of heavily rusted iron instead of the standard varying shades of green. It made her stand out sorely but nonetheless she was most decidedly a gob.
Her teeth were bared in a constant grin due to an overbite poking past her thick purple lips.Aside from a scrap of soiled cloth tied around her crotch,she wore nothing but her own rusty hide. She walked in an odd bowlegged manner like a high stepping duck due to an escape attempt that ended poorly with her falling and landing crotch first on a branch,hurting herself badly enough she was nearly lame.
She glared at a bigger female whelp that bumped into her and responded by swinging her ungainly skull into her chest,sending her staggering into the dirt. She thumbed at her nose and made an exageerated grimace that sent the other whelps edging away.
The rusty orange goblin whelp plucked a rather slimy booger from its flat.squashed nose. Admiring the slug sized prize dangling at the end of a spindly finger ending in a ragged nail,the goblin gobbled it up with relish.
We be hungries! Where be foods?!yelped the unusually hued goblin youth in a shrill,nasal bleat.
When she saw the adult goblins leering and eating the fish heads meant for them,she screeched in protest. She wobbled due to her ungainly head and being able to stqnd upright from the confines of her cage,attempting to use it as a weapon and headbutt any nearby gobs in a bid to get a dropped fish head.
She got poked and steered along with the other whelps with sharp sticks to a clearing.She bared her teeth at Kettlehead,gnashing her jagged collection in envy at the treatment he recived.
Eh!? Kettlehead stoopids head. Me am betters than all whelps. Be greatest gob EVERS!declared the scrawny yet wiry female whelp,puffing out her own flat chest and throwing back her large head. Her black shock of bristly hair bounced.
Excited at all the movement,the rusty whelp waddled in to scramble after the lead trailing in the dirt after the eight-legger.Ooh!!Play!
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Aye-aye, Cap'n Loptop!" Dackelbark yaps to the Goblin Big Shot. Then he employs strategy, starting with counting. He gives up counting the spider's legs when he reaches 12...about the limit of his math prowess. Too many legses he thinks. Then he counts the mouths: One (Two tops). Once the Crawly Creeper bites a fellow whelp, he makes his move, trying to climb a rear leg and get onto the arachnid's back.
Rushing, partial because of being top-heavy, Pumpkin charges headfist at the spider. With a headbutt, the spider is knock to the ground and Pumpkin is on it in a flash. For a moment, one can not tell the goblin from the spider, but when Pumpkin jumps off, the leash is on the spider. Some start to cheer, while others mutter that she didn't get bitten.
Dackelbark, using this moment of distraction, climbs the rear leg to sit atop the spider, which immediately moves forward from the sudden weight. Not knowing how to tie a knot, the leash comes loose and slips off the spider's neck.
Dackelbark reaches through its legs and snatches it right before the leash is left behind. Clutching onto the spider for life, dear or not, Dackelbark slings the leash forward and around its neck, quickly pulling a tight knot around it and forcing it to stop. Taking this pause in motion, he quickly leaps off its back and moves away.
Some of the crowd cheers, but some are still disappointed he was not bitten either. Either with Dackelbark's knot, there is not much of an actual 'neck' to this spider, and the leash slips off once more, ready for the last whelp.
"Ye beady-eyed, scurvy-laden bilge-rat!" Dackelbark curses as the leash falls off. Turning to Pumpkin he whispers, "You think mebbe ticklin' da beastie would work?"
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We're finally getting out of here?! This is ah spiffing day! Jolly good show old bean.
Groglurk managed to pop 4 pimples on his neck while Loptop spoke. One is not ah baby he thought, I’m terribly sorry but one haven't bin ah baby for at least four sleeps now. He sat down and began scratching behind his oversized ears with his feet. Really getting in there, you know?
The sound of other goblins pulled his attention away from a particularly tasted bit of scab that Groglurk had come off with his toe nail.
“Wait...big spider? Oi 'ate spiders!” Groglurk jumped to his feet, growled a deep guttural growl and charged at the hideous beast. It loohks fancy these uhthers are having difficulty with this arachnid. Goodness me. He lunged at the thing and set to wrestling it to the ground, “Spiders are de worst bugs! they tink they can 'av more legs than goblin dawgs!”
The spider, already frustrated from so many goblins messing with it, rears up as Groglurk tries to attack it, slamming him to the ground. With a quick, sharp bite, it rushes off through the ring of goblins, escaping.
The crowd enjoys the show of Groglurk's defeat, laughing at him as he struggles back up to his feet.
Seeing that the spider is gone, Lotop moves forward and speaks to the whelps once more. "Pumpkin and Dackelbark be bestest of spider riding, but now we see who be bestest at funny hurts. You needs make booboo for tribe to laugh at."
Dackelbark gives another of his weird "Aye-aye!"s and begins running in circles. As he nears the ring of adult goblins he lowers his head and tries to headbutt a male goblin below the belt.
for
for
As Dackelbark lowers his head, his waving aim finallly settles toward Kettlehead. Seeing the little whelp charging toward him, he quickly backs up, tripping in the process. The kettle flies off his head and thuds into Dackelbark's head mid-charge, knocking him flat. What once was going to be a bluff is now a reality as you realize that your head does, in fact, hurt.
of bludgeoning damage
The crowd laughs at the attempt, though you are not sure if it is at you, or Kettlehead, who angrily grabs up his pot. "Kettlehead give you big booboo later. Kettlehead no forget."
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Groglurk winced as the tribe laughs at his failure to wrangle the spider, “Don't yer laugh at me! de spider cheated!” He pressed a hand to the hole the spider’s fang left on his side and smiled at the thought of the scab that would form there.
He glared at the two gobbos that were proclaimed the bestest riders, That shant do. One has to be the bestest ridah goblin! Surely, they hadn't also been chosen by Zarongel? Neither of them even looked to have a decent amount of fleas.
Groglurk looked around and eyed the tree, specifically, the branch hanging over the fence. As the tiny gears in his head turned the plan formed in his mind’s eye: climb tree, jump out of tree, land on fence. Some of the gears were missing.
He raced over and started to climb up the tree.
Groglurk quickly reaches the lowest branch of the tree, which is still easily somewhere about ten feet off the ground. What, do trees have ten feet? Hm...
The goblins below cheer and taunt as he moves to the edge of the limb to get ready to jump. As he goes to dive, the branch sways, and Groglurk slips off in a spinning tumble to the ground. His earlier aim stays true, however, as he heavily lands saddle-style on the fence. With a painful gasp, Groglurk slides off the side of the fence, to much roarous cheering from the goblin onlookers. The painful drop seems to have made an impression.
Pumpkin thought hurting herself on purpose wasn't all that appealing. Of course,it was funny watching other gobs hurt themselves.
Especially Groglurk diving onto the nearby fence crotch first much like she did weeks earlier,contributing to her ambling gait.
Ha! Groggie walk like Pumpkin nows!she snorted, pointing.
Watch this! she yelped.
Drawing attention to herself with a wave of her hands, the rusty runt turned and charged at the same fence Groglurk landed on. She managed to run up it and perform a flip-- only for her ungainly head to spoil her landing so she landed on her head. She wobbled like a top before toppling over onto her face.
.....Yeowch.she mumbled around a mouthful of dirt before raisingng her scuffed face and spitting out clumps of turf.Her beady red eyes rolled about.
Unknown to her, a large brown streak now graced her forehead, the source of a new unpleasant smell to Pumpkin's nose. The other goblins, however, do notice it and erupt in laughter.
It seems to possibly have worked, though what in the world is that smell?
Nursing a bruised ego and noggin at her pratfall,the rusty runt sat with her head clutched in her hands.A dazed wipe at the dirt caking her face made her pause as she smelled something other than loamy marsh soil...
...?Pumpkin gave the wet,browner streak coating her hand a closer look and her flat nostrils flared as she sniffed again, trying to place it....!!
She had gobshite on her face!!
Screeching in disgusted mortification,the rusty runt heaved herself to her feet to dip her head in a bucket of stale swampwater with much splashing and bubbles.
Acewak takes a board from the fence, lays it over a rock, puts another rock on one end of the board, does some calculations ( ) and jumps on the other end, hoping the rock will smack him in the head.
Acewak lands on the board precisely, sending the rock straight into his face...much faster than he calculated. With a thud, he falls flat on his back, sprawled out. The rock remains planted in his face, even as the goblins hoot and cheer.
Loptop steps forward again, dragging Acewak off the ground. "This time, we have three bestests! Rockface, Fenceland, and Poophead be most funnier.
"Next test be harder. You must speak from fire and insult Kettlehead with fire in mouth. If you drop fire, you out." Lotop waves his hand, and a goblin rushes forward with a basket in which are several coals.
Pumpkin grabs up a coal and quickly shoved it into her mouth. Trying to speak around it proves tricky however, even as the heat from the hot coal begins to burn her tongue. Swallowing a little, in which a little coal dust makes it down her throat, Pumpkin manages to shout out, "Kettlehead is Stupidhead. He scared of dark."
The goblins chucke a little at first, until they see the outrage on his face. Then, they laugh a whole lot more, even as Pumpkin spits out the hot coal onto the ground.
[ooc]...That was 2 20's in a row!
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Acewak puts a coal in his mouth and tries to sing.
"Kettlehead puts his head in pot,
Should be on face so we can see him not.
So ugly he is and dumb too
These words will hurt and make him boo-hoo."
When Kettlehead threatens him and promises he won't forget Dack's attack, the whelp holds his head, groans, and replies, "Dat OK. Me have enough brain damage me can forget 'bout it for you!" Then he spasms, sticks his arms and legs straight up in the air like some expired bug, and plays dead.
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When the new challenge is announced, Dackelbark hops back to his feet, none the worse for wear. When he finds himself suddenly kissing the cave floor again, he admits to himself, Well, mebbe a little worse for wear. He gets up again, this time more slowly.
"Kettlehead...WAA!! Fire in da hold!! Puh-TOOEY!"
Once the hot coal's out of his mouth, Dackelbark finds it much easier to insult Kettlehead. "Kettlehead's dumb helmet makes da rocks in his head make beeg echo!"
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Using the fence as a brace, Groglurk climbed to his feet and stared at the female goblin as she washed herself clean. He glanced at the fence where he had landed and put 2 and 2 together to get 7. "'ey! Oi tink you've got me shoite on yer! Just then one of the other newly freed goblins ran by and snatched up a piece of the fence. Groglurk watched in fascination as the gobbo combined the board and some rocks to make an excellent bug smasher....that he used on himself! "You're a eejit!" He yelled between laughs, "Yer go one use oyt av dat tin' an' yer used it on yerself!"
It was the sweet smell of coals that finally caused Groglurk to stop laughing. He listened intently as their next task was explained and smiled at the thought of touching hot coals. Then frowned at having to think. Then smiled. Then frowned. Oh noh. something smaarts related. I've ne'ah bin all that spiffing at that stuff, fancy that. Speak with a coal in his mouth? Sure, that should be easy as pulling the wings off of a butterfly but, doing that while trying to think of something clever or mean to say? That might prove difficult for Groglurk to do.
Putting on a fierce expression--which included opening a blister on his cheek--Groglurk stepped up next and popped a coal into his mouth. He glared at Kettlehead and gave the best insult he could think of, "Yer de worst rider in al' av de tribe!"
As the young whelps finish, despite Kettlehead's irritation, Loptop steps forward once more. "We have three bestest goblins again! Only No-Fire is the worst goblin this time.
"Two more test for you to prove you no goblin babies anymore. This one be wormtongue. You eat mud and find worm. Then you no eat worm."
Acewak scratches his head. Why no eat worm? Bah, should be easy. I want to win, so I'ma try to find most worms! And he proceeds to take three big handfuls of mud (one at a time) and attempts to find a worm in each.
Acewak holds up two worms, proud of himself and not caring if he violated the rules.
Perception Fort
Not to be outdone and careful to check for goblin droppings,Pumpkin shoveled dirt into her maw.
Acewak and Pumpkin skillfully spit out worms, holding them aloft proudly, even as their face is covered in mud. Once again, this seems to be meant for the other goblins' enjoyment as they cheer and laught at the whelps.
Clutching a fistful of worms in one fist,Pumpkin used her other to stick a finger down her throat to gag and vomit up mud. She choked and hacked violently before success,nose and eyes running. Muddy drool dripped down her chin.
She grinned with pride,puffing out her chest. Then she shoved her prize into her maw,chewing her first meal of the day with relish.
"Arr--like pluckin' weevils outta a biscuit!" young Dackelbark scoffs. Without hesitation, mud and worm go into his mouth. "Ta-da!" The goblin passes the test on his first try and takes a few bows, whether anyone's clapping or not.
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"Spiffing." He thought as he watched the other goblins easily pull the worms out of their mouths.Anuhthah test ohn things one is not jolly spiffing at. Groglurk grabbed a fist full of mud and shoved it into his mouth.
Just as he was about to swallow the entire glob he felt a slight wiggling. And a bit of jiggling.
He gave a hideous goblin grin--complete with mud-caked teeth--and spat the worm out onto the ground.
The goblin licked licked his lips, "Naw sense in lettin' a gran' worm go ter waste! He coughed up bits of mud as he spoke and grabbed the worm. "Yum!" He snatched the worm back up and dangled it over his open mouth, "Oi can ayte dis now, roit?"
Loptop steps forward as the goblins finally stop laughing. "All goblins be wormies this time. One test left for goblin babies," he announces. "You go into Tadpole Bog and find big toads. Then you takes toads to the Cave of Darkfear. You must calm evil ghosts and come back. Then you be big goblins."
Another goblin comes forward with a bunch of strange, small creations. Mostly made out of twigs and mud, these are goblin badges, and he hands them out to the goblins.
Once the goblins receive their badges, Loptop continues. "Kettlehead go first and be done. You all wait till sun coming up to go. Now go away."
The goblins begin to leave, and you are free to do as you like for the rest of the day.
Acewak wears his badges with pride, and begins fashioning his equipment out of whatever he can find. He hasn't quite worked out the secret of black powder yet, but he's proud of the crossbow he made.
Pumpkin wandered off excitedly,finally able to freely explore the village in all of its entirety without fear of being wrangled by another older goblin and shunted back into the Nursery.
She made a nuisance of herself,looking at whatever other goblins were up to and intruding in others huts and rummaging through whatever she could touch with unbridled glee.
She spotted a garish satchel apparently of longshank make covered in multicolored beads of glass and leather fringes that made her eyes cross looking at it. It had a long strap and a metal clasp that pinched together like a turtle beak. She grabbed it,delighted with how it rattled, and hurried off with her new backpack. She wrapped the strap around herself like a harness so it sat at her belly like a pouch for easy access.
Skipping while humming a catchy warchant she heard the commandos sing returning from a raid,she set about the village searching for anything that wouldn't be missed and to help her on her rite of passage to adulthood.
Wearing a poncho of goblin felt draped over leather armor,a burlap sack held up with a bit of frayed rope as baggy trousers ending in socks, and a rattling multicolored purse strapped to her belly halfway filled with supplies,Pumpkin strutted back over to find her fellow whelps.
A pair of handax heads were mounted on her hands like brass knuckles,which she showed off proudly.
Pumkpkin bestest whelp. She gettings ALL badges. She not scareds of Darkfear or ghosties,eithers! She's boobooing stoopid Kettlehead when he gets back,too!she declared,crossing her arms over her chest confidently.
As that day comes to an end and the next day begins, you are all gathered near the edge of the village by Loptop all of you with new 'findings' since being let out.
"You maybe think you be tough because you got out of your baby cage, whelps?" Loptop questions, not stopping to let you answer. "Psht! You no be goblins. The only real goblins are Licktoads, and a Licktoad without a toad is just...lick. So. If you want be Licktoads, you need to catch a toad at Tadpole Bog and also not die. Then you take the toad to Cave of Darkfear and also not die. Then you show your toad to the Darkfear spirit, and maybe if you really are a goblin, then you also not die. Get toad. Show spirit. Kill anything that wants to stop you. Don’t die. That last part is very important to become a goblin. We no let dead goblins in tribe, got it?"
Loptop stops and begins making a really, really crude map of the bog in the ground, pointing out the Cave of Darkfear somewhere around the mess of intangling lines. "That be bog, cave, and there be toads. Now go, and don't die."
Okies, Pumpkins not dyings. she declared,skipping off into the swamp after glancing at the map.
Acewak puts some hopper bugs in his belt pouch. "Make sure toadie has yums!"
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Taking the lack of “No” as a “Yes” Groglurk dropped the worm into his mouth and swallowed it whole, laughing as it tickled his insides.
He pinned his badges to his rags, doing his best not to be upset that one of the others got more than he. “Whatevah, Zarongel just knew that one dane't need all the badges.” The goblin nodded as their next task was explained and as the others wandered off, Groglurk found his way to the trash heap. It took him a minute but, he found it. Every self respecting Goblin tribe had a good trash heap. He only got to rummage for a little while before he felt like he had found everything that he needed. He walked away from the heap with a nice haul which included some tanned wolfskin that had been fashioned into some crude armor, a blood stained lance. After unsuccessfully snatching up a snake, Groglurk dug around and found a discarded tossglove and wrangled a few snakes into a little satchel.
The next morning found Groglurk climbing his way out of a goblin dogpile. ”Git aff av me, yer dense mutts!” he collected his new things and met with the others, ”Who else is ready for dis?” He smacked the satchel to calm the snakes, ”Dis 'ill be easier than guessin' de number av wings on a moth!”
Making your way to Tadpole Bog, a trip is extended despite its close vicinty to the tribe by a few detours, you set your eyes upon the place for the first time. The swamp is a festering marshland full of muck and creatures. You can occasionally see a bubble rise to the surface of the swampy water, evidence of the famous toads that thrive in this environment.
You know that the reason these toads are so special is because of the funny things they do to goblins who lick them. A lot of goblins in the tribe pass the time by licking these creatures and getting lost in the hallucinations it causes. Your task, of course, is to each nab one to take to the Cave of Darkfear.
Using her ax knuckles as spades,Pumpkin waded into where the mud was most bubbly and set to digging up a toad of her very own.And make sure it was better than the other whelps as well!
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Groglurk had a difficult time staying focused as the group traveled through the swamp. His big ears seem to be the perfect home for flying bugs. Which, of course, are the worst kind of bug. Eventually he gave up on swinging his cobbled butterfly net around and instead wore it over his head with the handle flopping back-n-forth behind him.
As the merry band came to a stop in the Bog, groglurk could not help but to reflect on the beauty of the bubbles in the muck, "They are loike festerin' boils growin' an' poppin' an' growin' again!" His tiny heart almost sank as Pumpkin started digging in the mud. Sure this is what they had come here for but, he had wanted just a moment longer.
Groglurk shrugged and pulled the net off of his head, dropped to his knees and began rooting around in the Bog to find his own toad.
Acewak looks for signs of the biggest, fattest toad he can find. Big to impress everyone else, fat so it's easier to catch.
Maybe not so impressive...
Dackelbark is at a loss for how to proceed. He opts to take off his boots before entering the bog, and then searches for froggies with his talented toes. Thinking that he feels one beneath him, Dack plunges his arms deep into the muck, giggling and yelling, "Tickle-tickle-tickle, stupid froggy!"
"Me say: 'Tickle-tickle-tickle, stupid froggy'!!!"
"Wait--which way him go??!! Oh well--if not first succeed, stick arms in mud some more, me hearties!"
"Got ya did time, ye filthy bilge-frog!" He grins as his hands emerge clutching a vaguely frog-shaped blob. Dackelbark gives his new friend a big lick before spitting. "Taste like cave mud, only without yummy worm," he announces. "Maybe need to wash off first? Yar? YAR!!!!"