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Firefly Headband Judges: Thanks very much for taking such an in depth look at my item. Honestly, I'm a little surprised that so much was read into the item, but that just goes to show that I need to tighten it up. I can't tell if, at the end, all the questions were answered, but I'm guessing you guys are ready to move on rather than rehash. I'll try harder next year!
Judges, if you get the time, I'd love to hear where I went wrong. Anyone else that would like to chime in, please do, critiques are always appreciated. Thanks! ================ Firefly Headband Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Description
The flittering lights fade away harmlessly at a rate of one per round, dissipating entirely after six rounds. During this time, if an opponent within 100 feet attempts to cast a spell, all remaining flecks immediately streak forward and burst like tiny fireworks in the caster's face. The enemy caster must make a concentration check (DC 10 + spell level + number of lights) or lose the spell. Once discharged, a gemstone magically reforms in the headband every hour until the headband is whole again. The headband may not be reactivated until all six gems have reformed. Construction
I have to agree with the philologists in this thread. D&D is what first turned me on to learning new words and expanding my vocabulary. The trick is to use an archaic or obscure word without disturbing the flow of the description. If the reader can infer meaning by the words usage, then they can more easily get the gist, and learn something too. Of course, putting an obscure word into a title successfully is a lot trickier than putting it in the description body.
Buy with confidence... Not sure if the NPC portraits are right for you? Check the PDF proof first by clicking the following link: Note that the PDF is low resolution and watermarked, but you should still be able to get a good idea of the contents. Thanks!
At the risk of sounding like a suck up, I think this is a pretty genius approach. How else would you be able to review so many candidates from so many places in such a short amount of time? Then, after culling to 32, you get the community (your consumer) to help you judge what is best. Whoever came up with this idea deserves a fat raise.
@Banpai: Thank you x2! @Damon Griffon: You just reminded me of a time when my players activated a Tree Token in a very tight hallway. The limbs pushed the whole party down the hall and through the enemies that were positioned there. Quite a battle going on while limbs and leaves thrashed about!!! Thanks for the memory. @DeathQuaker: I'll agree with you on the Cloak of Resistance too. It's hard to argue with a bonus to all saves in one item.
Thanks for the kind comments. To answer your questions, this item is just off the cuff (pun intended), not really intended to be complete or even particularly accurate. I was just posting something as an example. Feel free to fix it though, if you'd like to. :)
This item is clever and sorely missing from the current rules, but there are a few problems.
Good use of the template and the item is creative, if not for some minor errors I could see using this item. I vote KEEP (for now). </tease>
I have way too many favorites to list, as the included Wondrous Items typically are quite good. However, to turn the question around for a second, I would like to point out something that is missing from the Core Items. It would be nice to have Wondrous Items that improve with character advancement. For (a weak) example: ============
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Description
1st level: +1 to Combat Manuever Bonus (CMB)
Construction
=============== This solves two big problems:
(Forgive me if this is too far off of the original topic. No thread jacking was intended.)
Interesting thought. I also noticed that the Inner Sea World Guide has several organizations that are only a paragraph long (Chapter 5, Factions). Creating something like that could be another possibility as it's well within the typical word count restrictions.
Texting has been a real problem at our table with some of the younger players. So much so that we eventually let a campaign die because we couldn't keep enough people focused. People today think they have to be constantly involved in multiple conversations, but in reality, they're communicating with no one. If you are a person that is texting or surfing at the gaming table and you think you have it under control, think again. Even if you are keeping up (and you probably aren't), you're setting a bad precedence for others. Focus on the game and we'll ALL have more fun.
Remote GMing happens now with virtual table tops, and your idea is not a stretch from that. But, it does have a few downsides that you'll want to consider... How would you whisper to just one player?
In short, it might not be worth all the work. But if you end up giving it a try, post back here and let us know how it went.
Paizo doesn't seem to mind links to reviews to other sites. Least as far as I know they have never said anything. Well, I suppose they could just remove it and ask me to stop, if I've broken any taboos. You've convinced me Dark Mistress (didn't take much trying did it?). Here's the link... RPGNow review and preview of "Oracle Curses" Thanks for the advice.
Interesting. Support for the APG is always nice. Who is the author? Anyone with credits? I'm a bit wary.. Thanks for taking the interest. To answer your question, I'm the author. This is my first foray into self publishing, so there is some risk. However, I have been involved with RPGs for more than two decades, so I'm not completely without experience and I have some pretty tenacious play testers! Also, I'm very keen on feedback, so errors will be corrected if reported. I'll be posting more things in the near future, including some free products, so if you're still a little nervous about dropping a buck on an unknown author, you can wait for others to take the plunge first. Lastly, there is a review for this same product on RPGNow. I won't put the link here, since that may not be kosher, but you should be able to find it easily enough with a simple search. Again thanks! Jerry.
This thread is long dead, but I thought I'd post the results of some play-testing... 1. My players actually considered "Transcendent Consciousness" to be boring and under-powered since Legend Lore offered almost the same results. I haven't created a replacement for it since 15th level is so far away. 2. "Rewind" was more trouble than it was worth and the name felt anachronistic to some. So I came up with something to replace it...
How useful is this new ability? I'm not too sure, but it feels like it has both "rules fun" and "roleplaying fun", and that's good enough for now. Thanks again to everyone that took the time (no pun intended) to critique my ideas!
Yeah, I'd be pretty stupid to ignore the advice of a Superstar! I tried to implement the changes you suggested. Please feel free to offer up any other suggestions and thanks for taking the time. =========== Aura moderate necromancy; CL 6th
Description
Once per day, anyone holding the gem may spend a full-round action to transfer any number of his own hit points into the gem, causing the gem's color to deepen as hit points are absorbed. A maximum of 60 hit points may be stored within the gem at any time. Stored hit points fade away at a rate of one hit point per minute until the gemstone is once again pale and empty. Once the Tear contains hit points, a standard action is required to touch a target with the gem. This healing touch drains the gem completely, transferring the stored hit points to the target (up to the target's maximum). Touching an unwilling target requires a successful melee touch attack and is a positive energy attack that harms undead. Transferring hit points in this manner is less reliable; for every 10 hit points contained within the gem, only 1d10 hit points are actually absorbed by the target. For example, if the gem currently holds 45 hit points, only 4d10 hit points transfer as the gem empties. Construction
=========== I think all the feedback has improved this item, but have I gone too far from my original idea? After looking at it for so long, I just can't tell so hopefully others will be willing to chime in with their thoughts. Is this item good? Would you use it in your campaign or be happy to find it as a player?
Okay, I removed Temporal Loop (it sounded fun in my head, but actually playing it would be a nightmare) and replaced it with Moment's Reversal: Moment's Reversal (Su): As an immediate action, you may force a target within 30 feet to reroll a d20 roll that just occurred, ignoring the previous result. A Will save negates this ability. You can use this ability once per day. At 10th level, you may add or subtract your Charisma modifier to the new result. At 20th level, you can force this result to be either a natural 1 or a natural 20. Better? Still not good enough? Please let me know your thoughts (anyone). So the final results now look like this: ========================= Time (oracle mystery) Deities: Cayden Cailean, Irori, Pharasma, Urgathoa. Class Skills: An oracle with the time mystery adds Intimidate, Knowledge (arcana), Perception and Perform (oratory) to her list of class skills. Bonus Spells: memory lapse* (2nd), augury (4th), nap stack* (6th), divination (8th), elude time* (10th), legend lore (12th), vision (14th), temporal stasis (16th), time stop (18th). Revelations: An oracle with the time mystery can choose from any of the following revelations. Ageless (Ex): You do not age normally and are immune to magical aging. You still die when your allotted lifespan is reached, but you take no age related penalties until that point. Age related bonuses still accrue. Continuum Transposition (Su): Once per day, as a free action, you may transpose initiative order with one ally within 30 feet as long as that ally's initiative total is lower than yours. For the rest of the encounter, the ally acts as if he had actually rolled your initiative, and vice versa. Glimpse the Future (Su): You are difficult to surprise, granting you a +2 insight bonus to Perception checks against surprise attacks and traps. The bonus increases by +1 for every five oracle levels. At 7th level you can no longer be caught flat-footed. Manipulate Time (Sp): You may twist the temporal threads by casting either haste or slow using your oracle level as the caster level. You can use this ability once per day, plus one additional time at 11th level and every four levels thereafter. You must be at least 5th level to select this revelation. Moment's Reversal (Su): As an immediate action, you may force a target within 30 feet to reroll a d20 roll that just occurred, ignoring the previous result. A Will save negates this ability. You can use this ability once per day. At 10th level, you may add or subtract your Charisma modifier to the new result. At 20th level, you can force this result to be either a natural 1 or a natural 20. Preserving Touch (Su): Your touch causes nonliving matter to resist the passage of time. This works exactly as a single, medium application of unguent of timelessness and may be used a number of times per week equal to half your Charisma modifier (minimum 1). Prophetic Demeanor (Ex): Ominous tones and knowing glances grant you a +3 competence bonus to Intimidate and Perform (oratory) checks. At 10th level, the bonus increases to +6. Recalled Suffering (Su): As a melee touch attack, you can cause a creature to briefly relive a painful experience. This attack deals 1d4 points of damage per oracle level and is a mind-affecting effect. You can use this ability once per day, plus one additional time per day at 5th level and for every 5 levels thereafter. Rewind (Sp): Once per day, as an immediate action, you may force all initiative rolls to be rerolled. You must declare this action after all initiatives have been determined, but before any attacks have taken place. The new results must be used by ally and enemy alike, even if they are lower than the original rolls. Transcendent Consciousness (Sp): You can examine a location and experience what recently transpired there just as if you were present during the time. This works much like the legend lore spell, with the following exceptions: The events must have transpired within the last 24 hours; only the current location may be targeted; and, you witness events rather than just knowing them. At the GMs discretion, this may force you to interpret what you see and hear. You can use this ability once per day and must be at least 15th level to select this revelation. Final Revelation: Upon reaching 20th level, you break the bonds of time, controlling its ebb and flow freely. As a free action, you may occupy the past, present and future simultaneously, thereby causing your appearance to become blurred as the blur spell. Another free action ends this condition. As a standard action, you may remove your physical self from time entirely, causing you to become incorporeal up to a number of minutes per day equal to your Charisma modifier.
This is an attempt to address some of the items that were brought up in the (very appreciated) feedback. Some seemed to feel that this was too powerful and others that it wasn't powerful enough, so I tried to find a middle ground. First by adding a cap and second by adding an attack. Where there were ambiguities, I tried to clarify. In addition, I changed the transfer from gem-to-target to be a standard action. This way someone could truly be a martyr, drain themselves to 0 hp and then spend a standard action to transfer the HP (which would reduce the user to -1, dying). Some people were worried about dominated "blood dolls". But that's not very likely as dominated individuals can't be forced to harm themselves (Core Rulebook, page 274 "self-desctructive orders are not carried out"). Those that were worried about fast healing familiars and the like should be happy that the gem can only be used once per day. If anyone out there is still inclined to comment on this item, I would welcome it immensely. And thanks again to everyone that already did! ============ Aura moderate necromancy; CL 6th
Description
Once per day, anyone holding the gem may spend a full-round action to transfer any number of his own hit points into the gem, causing the gem's color to deepen as hit points are absorbed. Using a standard action, all of the hit points contained within the Tear can be used to heal any target touched by the gem, returning the gem to its original hue. Touching an unwilling target with the gem requires a successful melee touch attack and transferring hit points in this manner is less reliable. For every 10 hit points within the gem, only 1d10 are successfully absorbed by the target. For example, attempting to transfer 45 hit points to an enemy results in a transfer of 4d10 hit points (however, all hit points are still drained from the gem). This is treated as a positive energy attack. A maximum of 60 hit points may be stored within the gem at any time. Hit points stored within the gem fade away at a rate of one hit point per minute until the gemstone is once again empty. Construction
I agree with Joel here. Weathered in this case means that the hard edges have been worn smooth by the action of wind and sand. If the metal is not of an iron based element, then it isn't rusted as rust is simply oxidized iron.I had assumed this to mean errosion from wind and sand over the 8,000 years it sat there. Yeah, I'm not really saying it's wrong, I'm just saying I can't picture what is described. If it's worn smooth, how do I know it was ever not smooth. Is it discolored or splotchy? Is it pitted? As for the rust, the metal is described as "steel-like" and steel certainly rusts. But since we really don't know what the metal is, I'm okay with the lack of rust, I just need a better understanding of what to describe to my players since there isn't any boxed text for the outside.
First, thanks for taking the time to reply, it's really appreciated. Let me try and answer some of your questions... I'm not quite sure why intimidate is listed in the bonus skills. Just doesn't seem to fit with time, to me. I can kind of see where you were going when you add in Prophetic Demeanor, but shouldn't most oracles have something of that sort? Just doesn't gibe with time, to me... I think many oracles would have some amount of intimidating aspect, since they seem to know more than those around them. And I was indeed trying to tie in with Prophetic Demeanor and the final revelation. Maybe you're right though. Continuum Transposition seems like a neat concept, though I'm not sure how useful it is. I guess if you roll really well, you could give that result to an ally, but it's kind of dependent on that. You hit the nail on the head. It's great when the oracle rolls well and someone else in the party rolls poorly. Like most abilities, sometimes it applies and sometimes it doesn't. Glimpse the Future: I think might work better if the bonus were to initiative. I think it makes more sense for someone dabbling in time and could combine well with the previous ability. I already have two other initiative abilities in place, a third felt redundant. Rewind is another one I think is interesting, though I don't know how useful it is as written. You obviously roll a lot better than my PCs do! :) There are some combats where all PCs roll poor initiative, just at the wrong time. Temporal Loop worries me a bit. What exactly does it make the repeat offender repeat? If he moved and attacked a PC, would he have to do that again? Would it be against the same PC he attacked before? What if that PC was still right next to him, would he then move 15 feet away, 15 feet back and attack? If he used a scroll the... Maybe I need some more clarification on this one? The idea was that the oracle could force a repeat of some or all of the actions taken. On the other hand, I can see how this could cause strife between GM and player. Probably worth a rethink (I'm open to suggestions!). Again, thanks for taking the time. Getting feedback from others is the best way to improve upon something.
John: To me your entry is filled with contradiction... I like the evocative setting, what I could picture of it, and the map is readable. Multi-level combats can be tricky to run, but very fun, however there are just a few too many holes in this encounter for my taste. Perhaps worst of all though, is that my players want to fight the boss and the boss doesn't want to fight them. Instead they will face 2 (or 4) gargoyles and an earth elemental.
Sam: I had a little trouble reading this map, and I thought it was going to get even worse after reading the encounter. But it was just the opposite, the encounter cleared up the map tremendously and I started thinking about how I might GM it. Looking at the cartographers' statements, it seemed clear they had enough information to turn this into a fun, artful piece, and that was important. I didn't get a whole lot of the background, probably because I'm still not very familiar with Golarion lore, so I can't grade on that topic. However, the encounter description itself is quite good and a unique setting. Reusing rules (e.g. treat the tar as quicksand) is an EXCELLENT approach since it gives new flavor without having to learn new rules - a bonus for both the GM and the players. I wish you had done the same thing with the elementals (tar instead of earth). Having multiple ways to succeed is the sign of a good encounter. And you deliver here. Having multiple focus points is another sign and once again you delivered. All-in-all, a very successful encounter with lots going on. (BTW, you can pump 60 points of positive energy into the conduit easily if you happen to have a Martyr's Tear lying around!)
Dreamation is a new one for me too (I'll have to check it out). I went to GenCon for the first time last year, and I can't wait to go again. What a blast! I might be visiting some relatives out near PaizoCon and if so, I will be trying hard to go this year.
Cody: There are a couple of problems with this submission, most of which have already been well described, but I don't think any of them are enough to take away from the bright spots of this encounter. All of your entries have been front runners so far and this one is no exception. Your writing took a half-step backwards, but your creativity was in full force.
Artus: Your map is a little crowded but still readable, which is good. And I like the background of St. Braxtus and the locked-away evil. It got me very interested in what might be coming. Unfortunately it fell a little flat after that. The descriptive text had a few bumps: The map contains rules references. Why include the page numbers for trees and rubble? This detracts from the overall look. The biggest problem though is the actual encounter itself. Honestly, it's a little boring. A rectangle with a table, filled with bad guys. We've all been in this room a hundred times. Why not come up with something unique or at least intriguing? We all know you have the talent, but it didn't shine here like your other entries. On the up side, your grasp of the rules seems strong and there wasn't anything really "wrong" here, just nothing very inspiring.
I'm glad you said something Sean, as I was wondering if someone could go "too far". Clearly it's possible to do so. On the upside, the software I pimped in this thread can be scaled back (remember the old blue-line maps in the module covers? It does those too!). Thanks for the insight!
Sorry this is a little late, but I use a mapping program that is almost too easy, called Dundjinni. It's got lots of nice features, you can add your own artwork and it's cheap ($40)! Some old sample maps (done be yours truly)... IMHO I think these all look pretty good, and there are people who put me to shame using this tool. Go check it out!
Hi Serpent: You've received a lot of good feedback for your archetype so this may be redundant, but I promised I would come back after reading the summoner rules, so here goes... Fleshbinder (Summoner) Strictly opinion, but I don't care much for the name; it almost sounds a little dirty. I would've preferred something that plays off the evolutions, e.g. "Evolved Arcanist", or as one of the judges suggested "Fleshbender" (but this sounds even dirtier!).
I like everything here except "...dwells beyond the stars...". For some reason this puts me in a Sci-fi mood, which is not where my brain should be. Maybe you can change this to "otherworldly being", or perhaps "planes of twisted existence" -- anything to keep me thinking fantasy and not space travel.
You're moving the aspect ability from 10th level to 1st level. Super daring and well executed, for the most part. There are some questions of balance - for instance you can have your evolutions and your summoned creatures, which isn't normally the case. However, this may be balanced by the fact that you don't have an eidolon to hide behind.
Obviously this reduces the evolutions you can choose from, but there's probably enough to still feel like there are unique choices. I'm not sure you needed to specify the limbs requirement since it's already mentioned in the biped base.
This gives you access to your evolutions much quicker (1 round) than you would normally have them (1 minute). And there isn't a way to "banish" your evolutions as can be done with an eidolon. That makes me a little skittish as a GM. It's hard to imagine if this would affect balance without play-testing.
Here is where I think you've gone just a little too far. Suddenly there's an awful lot of power in a player's hands. An overly creative player could be a GM's nightmare. Moreover, how do you explain this? The fleshbinder has merged himself with strange creatures, but why would this extend to his summoned creatures? Lastly, this could be a lot of work for a player to have keep tabs on how every summoned monster is affected. It's creative though, I'll give you that!
This is a 2-for-1 upgrade - So you can now have 20 points to spend on summoned creatures, right? If I understand correctly, this means you can give all of your summoned creatures all of the 4-point evolutions. That's some buff monsters, but you are 20th level, so by then you're expecting to have some buff enemies too. =========== Bottom line, I think this was a bold entry with some possible balance issues. In fact, it wouldn't shock me to see half of my party switch to at least one level of fleshbinder just to add gills, reach, etc. The eidolon is a huge part of the summoner, but not the only part (you're still summoning after all). It's strong enough that it would've received a vote from me. I can hardly wait to see the "official version" that was hinted at! (If you have the time, I would love to get your opinion on the Time Mystery I created to replace my failed Chronologist.)
I think we all agreed that the best way to add to the Oracle is to create additional mysteries. To that end, I have overhauled the Chronologist into the time mystery, shown below. I would be very grateful for feedback on the usefulness of this new mystery. Does this adequately cover a time-related character without creating a whole bunch of time-related rules? Can you see yourself playing this character? What would you change? Time (oracle mystery) Deities: Cayden Cailean, Irori, Pharasma, Urgathoa. Class Skills: An oracle with the time mystery adds Intimidate, Knowledge (arcana), Perception and Perform (oratory) to her list of class skills. Bonus Spells: memory lapse* (2nd), augury (4th), nap stack* (6th), divination (8th), elude time* (10th), legend lore (12th), vision (14th), temporal stasis (16th), time stop (18th). (*APG, Chapter 5) Revelations: An oracle with the time mystery can choose from any of the following revelations. Ageless (Ex): You do not age normally and are immune to magical aging. You still die when your allotted lifespan is reached, but you take no age related penalties until that point. Age related bonuses still accrue. Continuum Transposition (Su): Once per day, as a free action, you may transpose initiative order with one ally within 30 feet as long as that ally's initiative total is lower than yours. For the rest of the encounter, the ally acts as if he had actually rolled your initiative, and vice versa. Glimpse the Future (Su): You are difficult to surprise, granting you a +2 insight bonus to Perception checks against surprise attacks and traps. The bonus increases by +1 for every five oracle levels. At 7th level you can no longer be caught flat-footed. Manipulate Time (Sp): You may twist the temporal threads by casting either haste or slow using your oracle level as the caster level. You can use this ability once per day, plus one additional time at 11th level and every four levels thereafter. You must be at least 5th level to select this revelation. Preserving Touch (Su): Your touch causes nonliving matter to resist the passage of time. This works exactly as a single, medium application of unguent of timelessness and may be used a number of times per week equal to half your Charisma modifier (minimum 1). Prophetic Demeanor (Ex): Ominous tones and knowing glances grant you a +3 competence bonus to Intimidate and Perform (oratory) checks. At 10th level, the bonus increases to +6. Recalled Suffering (Su): As a melee touch attack, you can cause a creature to briefly relive a painful experience. This attack deals 1d4 points of damage per oracle level and is a mind-affecting effect. You can use this ability once per day, plus one additional time per day at 5th level and for every 5 levels thereafter. Rewind (Sp): Once per day, as an immediate action, you may force all initiative rolls to be rerolled. You must declare this action after all initiatives have been determined, but before any attacks have taken place. The new results must be used by ally and enemy alike, even if they are lower than the original rolls. Temporal Loop (Sp): As a ranged touch attack, you can force an enemy to repeat the actions he took during his previous round on his next round. If for some reason the actions cannot be performed, or if he has yet to act, then the target is instead confused for one round. You can use this ability once per day plus one additional time per day at 10th level. Transcendent Consciousness (Sp): You can examine a location and experience what recently transpired there just as if you were present during the time. This works much like the legend lore spell, with the following exceptions: The events must have transpired within the last 24 hours; only the current location may be targeted; and, you witness events rather than just knowing them. At the GMs discretion, this may force you to interpret what you see and hear. You can use this ability once per day and must be at least 15th level to select this revelation. Final Revelation: Upon reaching 20th level, you break the bonds of time, controlling its ebb and flow freely. As a free action, you may occupy the past, present and future simultaneously, thereby causing your appearance to become blurred as the blur spell. Another free action ends this condition. As a standard action, you may remove your physical self from time entirely, causing you to become incorporeal up to a number of minutes per day equal to your Charisma modifier.
I saw this villain as a gem in the rough. Some people hated the "sophisticated orc" aspect, but I think you should've taken it even further (but without the vampire -- I hate vampire villains). In fact, I think I agree with a lot of Set's points. I could see Karruk getting frustrated while trying to teach etiquette to the other orcs, shouting "No, that's the salad fork!" while jabbing that same utensil into the forehead of the offending minion. Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, he tries to impress cultured "guests", failing and becoming more and more agitated, resulting in a slowly rising temper until everyone in the room knows its time leave. Role-playing opportunities abound! Unfortunately the execution of this entry fell flat, but I see the possibilities here.
The Gentleman Knave I don't care much for the name, it sounds like the title of a romance novel. Maybe I would like it more in the form, "Acton (The Gentleman Knave) Venarys", or "Acton Venarys, The Gentleman Knave"?
The paragraph starts off cliche, but the last line saves it and suddenly I'm interested. In fact, what felt uninspired at first now seems more like a smokescreen to catch me off guard.
HOLY SMOKES! An ex-noble hostage bent on reclaiming his birthright by pillaging the rich and exploiting the poor?!? The smells like a reoccurring villain if ever there was one. The line of good vs. evil is blurry and anything can happen!
There is virtually no end to the adventure possibilities with this villain. Open ended and richness to be had for all! [STAT BLOCK] Frankly, you've already won me over, even if your stat block was terribly flawed, I'd forgive most problems and just fix it myself. But I don't have to. Jumping straight to what is most important to me as a GM (the tactics)... Before Combat: Unless surprised, the Gentleman Knave casts shield before fighting. Thank you! Too many other villains are casting multiple spells and or quaffing potion after potion before combat starts, but that feels like GM metagaming to me. A single spell or one potion is all that should be allowed. During Combat: The Knave and his band of thieves prefer to strike quickly and disappear. In pitched battle, he challenges noble opponents to single combat; if refused, he targets spellcasters. He feints and uses bravado’s blade. The Knave is merciful unless his secret is threatened – then he fights to kill. Ha ha, what will the PCs do when challenged one-on-one!?! Also, excellent "escalation path". Morale: The Knave flees immediately if badly outnumbered. Otherwise, he fights until another day triggers, then retreats with vanish. If cornered he surrenders graciously, planning to escape later. I think I would even "force" him to be captured (maybe more than once!), just so he can escape once the PCs guards are down. Proof that villains can be great without being evil, crazed, or bloodthirsty.
Voracek Okay, there's not much to see name-wise, but not every name needs to be an epic tale, so that's fine.
This adequately matches the portrait. It reads well enough too. +1
Not much villainy here, but there's the start of a setup. Still not much meat though.
Wait, that's all? I don't have a full sense of the villain yet and now we're up to the stat block. [STAT BLOCK] Ah, here's where all the words went. This (overly?) complex stat block ate up all of your villain. Assuming you got it all right (I didn't check), the stats are pretty ambitious. But this only helps me for the actual combat, not the plot that leads up to the combat. A villain with more crunch than flavor.
I don't think anyone is arguing that the word "fel" doesn't exist. It might even have a good history of use, but it falls into the same category of "colour" vs. "color". Both are right, one is better. It's possible to be too clever with words and break the rhythm of an otherwise perfect turn of phrase. In any case, I think this sub-thread is detracting from the entry a little so I'm going to try to stop commenting on "fel". :)
Varstrius, Connoisseur of Living Dolls I had just a small problem with this name and the use of "Connoisseur". Typically a connoisseur is a judge of something, but Varstrius is a actually a doll maker. I'm splitting hairs, but I think creepier names are out there for you, somewhere.
At first I start to pity your villain, and then that pity turns to disgust. Not bad for one paragraph, however I have mixed feelings about the last sentence, "constantly wearing an arrogant sneer". Nobody is constantly anything. If you could soften this a bit to something like, "Varstrius is rarely seen without an arrogant sneer, expressed only to hide his painful loss". (But better.) +1
This could very easily turn silly if the rest of the supporting adventure is not handled grimly enough. My players could burst into a room and find a gnome in curly ringlets and a frilly dress -- laughter ensues and the mood is lost. Also, what's with the daughter? She's a distraction that could end up humanizing the creep you just made for us. How about just a bunch of henchmen that do the "usual things" with kidnap victims, but one or two victims go to the boss and his odd penchant?
The lead-in sentence is excellent and having three options is perfect. +1 [STAT BLOCK] Yes, this is a stat block competition, but I'm not a numbers cruncher. I just want something that's close to correct and that makes it easy for me to GM when combat happens. To that end, I don't see anything too complex here and you didn't fall into the trap of loading him up with nonessentials. But two questions: 1. Why not have a better means of capturing the little folk, other than cracking them on the head? 2. Why kill everyone else? Big people bring money at the slave markets too, and you have to pay those mercenaries somehow. A twisted villain that toes the line of too weird.
Tellasara, Princess in Repose I like the "Princess in Repose" as it makes you immediately want to find out more. The portrait works for me too. +1
I like the writing style of this description, but I'm not to fond of all the questions that remain for the GM. As a GM I want to know what is going on, not guess (e.g. "perhaps", "somehow").
Spooky! But where's the motivation and goals? The description section holds more information on motivation than this area does, which seems like such a waste.
This is a reasonable hook, but only one. Options are key here because my PCs may not know anyone in Riverspire. [STAT BLOCK] Honestly, I'm not sure how to even rate this as it is so unusual. Don't get me wrong though, I love unusual, I'm just not sure how this plays out. My gut tells me you have something fun here, but my head wonders how much work it's going to be for me. A creative, complex villain that has too many unanswered questions.
This whole paragraph paints a portrait in my head like a picture slowly coming into focus; and then I hit the misspelled word and was jerked back into reality. Please spelchek. +1What misspelled word? fel = Medical term for Bile fell =–adjective 1. fierce; cruel; dreadful; savage. 2. destructive; deadly: fell poison; fell disease. So, did "his shadowed eyes gleam with bile intent" or did, "his shadowed eyes gleam with fierce intent"? The latter, I think. True, bile is gross and bitter, but it doesn't really seem like the implication here. Regardless, it was a small and forgivable mistake (I still gave a +1).
Some complained about the name, but "Hoarfrost" didn't really bother me, perhaps because I didn't consider its true meaning. On the other hand, "Throat-Tearer" felt a little cartoony to me. It's nearly scary, but not quite.
As mentioned by others, this needs a rewrite. It starts off great, then crashes terribly.
Another exclamation point? Pry this key off of your keyboard. The rest is workable because sometimes all you need is a good killer for your PCs to hunt down and take out. Hoarfrost is just that guy - obviously evil and a challenging combatant. +1
Points for using "thorp" and "hamlet" instead of village. "Yurt" gets points too. Gaming should be educational, let's teach the kids some vocabulary while they have fun. This paragraph reads a lot better than your previous two. [STAT BLOCK] As long as it's close and well written, that's all I need in a stat block. For me the important part is "Tactics" and you delivered by telling me all I needed to know. In addition, you made a complex build that was easy to understand. +1 A villain with simple motivations that suffered from some writing quirks
The name is sort of middle of the road for me, as it probably should be if he's going to remain under the radar. The moniker that follows is an adequate draw.
This first paragraph is not good. Ignoring that it reads like boxed text; I would've preferred that his eyes "showed no glimmer of his nefarious schemes", rather than even having a hint. Because, as a GM, how do I show a "hint of scheming intelligence" without alerting the PCs?
This paragraph is the opposite of the previous one, right on the money. He's a religious zealot, a little overused device but still usable as it feels toned-down. The conflict between gods reads naturally and backing the weaker god adds interest. +1
Here's the meat that I was looking for. Setting traps in mines is fun for the GM and the players, if done well. Adding the red herring of a haunting gets the players preparing for undead - I love a bait and switch! The crushed inquisitor is a nice bonus and could lead to clues. +1 [STAT BLOCK] As long as it's reasonably accurate and not too complex to run, I like it. This looks right enough to me, but others can hold your feet to the fire. I'm moving on to the important part, tactics...
Great feel, but how do I run this? I hope there is more trap description in the rest of the adventure because I don't want to do this work myself.
Again, this feels terrific as a description, but I don't see the crunch that I need to actually execute the combat. "Quick trapsmith" was a good choice though.
Ugh! I hate when villains are loaded up with potions and wands. It feels like you couldn't get him strong enough on his own, so tack on a utility belt. And once he's defeated I have to pass out three wands to the PCs. If you must, make it just one wand, or figure out a way to build this into the villain and/or his environment. This is a good low-level villain concept that needs more crunch.
This name really speaks to me, assuming it's pronounced "lie-el". It's almost subliminal in its evil tone. "Deacon of Ash" is nice too, with some originality to it. +1
This whole paragraph paints a portrait in my head like a picture slowly coming into focus; and then I hit the misspelled word and was jerked back into reality. Please spelchek. +1
Wait, what happened and to whom? I had to read this again to really get an understanding of the background. This paragraph felt broken to me, perhaps too much editing was done to keep the word count down? Then I finally realized he was a dhampir antipaladin -- bummer. This space has been filled and filled again.
My PCs are more likely to side with him, at least for a while, thinking him the lesser of two evils. [STAT BLOCK] As long as it's close and readable, that's all I need to run my combats. Luckily your race and archetype choice gives lots of different abilities for me to use against my PCs - I just wish you added a little more creativity to his tactics. My players will just remember him as the guy that beat them up, once they broke the truce they made with him. He starts off great, but fizzles a bit thereafter.
The name just rolls off the tongue (ankh-rah-doola), no goofy, hard to pronounce strings of characters that people seem overly fond of but nobody says it the same way twice. Adding "the Sane" creates just enough interest to draw you in for more. +1
Oddly this description didn't do anything for me. Form-fitting black leather? Is she a biker? And, "...white hair that extends from her head..." reads off to me. How about, "White shocks of hair splay wildly about her head"? I'm also not sure how milky white eyes betray focus.
Oh no, you broke the game! Someone that is seeking insanity?!?! What a very nice surprise. "Abhors the company of other sane beings" and then preferring mindless oozes is (gooey) icing on the cake. This is a great paragraph both for plot development and readability. +1
This is like the climax of a novel. You hint at the villain's condition earlier and then punch it in with vivid details. I can't wait to play this villain! And I won't have to because you give good reasons for my PCs to go find her. +1 [STAT BLOCK] As long as it's close, that's all I care about. Perfect numbers are never a factor in my games as long as they don't go too far off the reservation.
As a GM, this is what I really care about. Is this villain bringing anything new to the table that my players will remember later. I want them glued to the table during combat -- and a gelatinous cube encased derro is hard to forget! Then, you make sure to include clever combat maneuvers during combat. +1 As a GM, this has everything I want in a villain.
Round 2 of the competition revealed my (current) inexperience with Pathfinder rules, but I have to say I really enjoyed the contest and I will wear the "Top 32" label with pride. A big thanks to the judges that put so much effort and expertise into this contest and to all the messageboard members for their insightful comments (especially those that generously contorted their own imagination to see success in my failed entry). I can honestly say I haven't ever been involved with a more dedicated group. Congratulations to the remaining 16, but keep on your toes. I for one will be vocal in my critiques from here on out, and I'll be hounding you next year! :D
Rebuttals have questionable value, but maybe it helps some people see the method to my madness, so I'm including mine here; if nothing else, it's cathartic! Please note that this is not meant to defend my choices (I was wrong too often to do that) or to call out the judges (they were right too often); this is just meant to impart some amount of insight. Perhaps this is how a normal development session might proceed, with people proposing ideas and others shooting holes in it. Then the original author changes what's good to read better and throws the rest away.
(BTW, I tried to be brief, but failed – apologies.) Mark Moreland's Response:
True. I would've rather just created a new mystery, but the rules forbade me to do so. However, I could argue (albeit weakly) that the chronologist actually increases variation since he can be from 5 different mysteries in addition to his "time revelations". In other words, a chronologist taking the bones mystery could look quite different from a chronologist taking lore.
Agreed. In hindsight, I should've just risked saying, "In addition to the oracle curses, the chronologist may choose speak in riddles". As for the wonkiness you mention, I used the lame curse as my guide, which seems pretty close.
A GM's nightmare, really? I watered down legend lore and combined it with residual tracking. If the GM doesn't know what happened in a particular place 45 minutes ago, then nothing happened. This is just another way to gather information instead of reviewing witnesses, looking for clues or casting a half dozen other spells. There isn't any extra work here for a GM with typical 15th level players. (See the other feedback for more on this.)
You're right. I was trying to be witty and just shot myself in the foot. I'm glad you considered some of my changes clever though, so thanks for that. Neil Spicer's Response:
I was attempting to give the feel of time manipulation without the actual rule problems of doing so. In an attempt to impress you, I instead distressed you; mea culpa. (See the other feedback for more on this.)
The recognition is much appreciated, even though it is served with a bitter pill. I decided to walk the edge of the rules with this entry, a rookie mistake to be sure; and one that I'll do my best to avoid in the future. Ryan Dancey's Response:
You're right, but time abilities are against the rules. The abilities I chose were intended to be most like time abilities, then I attempted to use flavor text to mold them. I can tell you didn't care much for this approach though. :) And in the end, it did come across weak.
I think you might've taken the title too literally - the player isn't supposed to constantly speak in riddles anymore than the deaf oracle is supposed to say "huh, what" every other sentence. Likewise the tongues speaking oracle shouldn't be babbling all session long. If I hit a nerve here though, I'm sorry. In any case, a rewrite for clarity is obviously needed.
As mentioned earlier, just about every GM knows what happened 45-60 minutes ago; and if nothing happened, then the oracle sees "nothing of importance". Really, no extra work. On the other hand, the GM now has the opportunity to do some storytelling if he's so inclined.
Hopefully a GM wouldn't allow an underpowered divination to ruin the plot/puzzle. To help though, I even built tough "fail safes" right into the ability: Sean K Reynolds's Response:
Agreed. And I wouldn't do it in any other venue other than this competition. In fact, as mentioned earlier, this was probably a dumb way for me to do it.
Try using the analogy of a door-to-door salesman, or certain religious groups that canvass neighborhoods. You only have to see them coming to be annoyed, because their reputation precedes them. The same is true for the chronologist. Although, perhaps I could convey this better?
I don't know how to respond to this, other than to say, "sorry". I had to make the abilities level appropriate, but I didn't have to make them boring. I'll try harder next time. How about this one... Continuum Transposition (Su): Once per day, as a free action, the chronologist may transpose initiative order with one ally within 30 feet as long as that ally's initiative total was lower than the chronologist's. For the rest of the encounter, the ally acts as if he had actually rolled the chronologist's initiative, and vice versa. ...Or something like that? Lastly, to all the judges, thanks very much for this opportunity and for the honest feedback. If I don't progress further in this competition, I'll be back for the next!
Since no Top 32 contestants have dropped out, I guess it's "game over" for me. I'm curious about how well my entry would have been received by potential voters if it had been one of the Top 32 entries. Be as harsh or kind as is necessary. I'll happily review yours, but you have to go beat up on mine first! ;)
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