delabarre's page

Wow. You and I are entirely different people. To me, what you're saying is "Mordor is an incredibly awful place; therefore, why would the hobbits want to go there?"

You asked the right question, but you didn't follow it through to its logical conclusion.

Note that I said "There was no compelling reason for a PC to want to go there." If there had been an adventure hook anywhere near as good as Mount Doom in the entry, this would have automatically gotten one of my votes.

That's what was missing. EDIT: My 5 all had at least one good adventure hook to go along with a good setting description.

I'm going to be the contrarian here. While this is in my top ten picks, it didn't make the cut for one of my five votes.

My problem is this: this reads like someplace that a PC would want to stay the hell away from. There was no compelling reason for a PC to want to go there, and if he grew up there, his life's goal would probably be to get out and live someplace nicer. That would be the first module: "Escape From The Stained Peaks." "You and your companions are in the bar comparing skin lesions, when you decide to form a group and march the hell out of Zaraten Gura before you all die of poison or political intrigue. What do you do next?"

This entry is so close to getting one of my five votes. The words are all put together correctly, there are no conceptual flaws, and the setting could easily and believably appear in a setting book...these put it in my top 10 of the thirty-two.

What is missing is are the creative hooks that make you want to roll up a character and go there. As it is it reads like a place your characters go through on their way to someplace more interesting; where your ship puts in to replenish supplies, or you go to purchase potions and scrolls from the local wizard in between dungeon crawls. But it doesn't sound like the place where the adventures actually occur.

The last paragraph of your DM Secrets illustrates this problem most clearly; it's as if you were intentionally leaving this country blank for other DMs to fill in. In this contest you can't punt like that; this entry is supposed to show off your creativity.

It would have been a better submission if you had woven in another story hook in addition to the fight over the succession. You've kind of tied everything (the death of the princes, intrigue in the parliament, insurrection in the secret police) around this one story, that has a definite end when a new king is crowned.

That being said, this is a solid setting with cool ideas. Voted.

This is either my second or third favorite of all the thirty-two.

The flavor quote at the beginning is sheer genius. Lots of meaty adventure bits, totally believable setup, all it needs is a giant magical artifact in the center of the capital. :) Okay, maybe not. But the moral ambiguity is a great device for creating ethical quandaries among the lawful-good PCs.

Voted.

I see some poli-sci problems here -- politicians don't dictate culture, for example (just the opposite in fact). However, the setting is interesting and has enough hook details to make me want to see something like this move forward. Voted.

My only criticism here is that you should have added more story hooks and less almanac information. Otherwise, very solid and intriguing. Voted.

Oh, and I particularly like that your country has at its heart a giant magical macguffin artifact, since that's a trope I use in my setting design too. A DM can have a lot of fun with giant macguffins. ;-)

This is my one of my favorites. Well described, well-written, lots of intriguing details (ie hooks) without wandering off into sleep-inducing social studies textbook material. Voted.