The Baby in a Jar

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50 posts (884 including aliases). No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 14 aliases.



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Female Human Gunslinger 2 // Inquisitor 2

Unless they have, y'know, an elf. Or a dwarf. Or a half-orc... Wait, are we ALL human? This has to be the most racially pure party I've been in.

It'd certainly be nice to get some more information from a captive. I hate going in so blind.

EDIT: Except that one party, where we were all drow misfits, angstily rebelling against the moral decay of our people, cut off from our culture but never accepted by those we were sworn to protect.


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Female Human Gunslinger 2 // Inquisitor 2

Do you guys know about Jabberwocky? It's going to revolutionize the way we kill bandits.


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Because I can't bear to leave such a masterpiece unfinished. Now with footnotes!

The complete "I'm in a Barn" rap
Oh s**t! Get your trowels ready
Everybody in the place hit the f****n' hay
But stay on your motherf*****g toes
We running this, let's go

I'm in a barn (in a barn)
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm waiting in a barn
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
Take a good hard look
At the motherf*****g barn

I'm in a barn, motherf****r; and I need to boast
Straight waitin' in this barn in this trading post
'Ll be bustin' some skulls, sis whippin' out their throats
You can't stop me motherf****r 'cause I'm next to goats

Write a ballad, bard! I'm in a barn, b***h!
Drinkin' water from a catfish though it makes me sick.
Got my longspear, and my eidolon,
Preppin' violence; you in the courtyard
Straight sittin' on the lawn.

I'm next to the horses, there are some cows too
The horses whinny, and the cows go "moo"
But I ain't Old MacDonald; I'm as real as it gets
I'm in a barn motherf****r, don't you ever forget.

I'm in a barn and, it's really big and
I'm waiting for the signal to start the plan
I'm the king of the world, in a barn like Jesus
If you in the courtyard then you sure not me, yes.(1)

GET THE F**K UP, THIS BARN IS REAL!

F**k outside, I'm in a barn, motherf****r
F**k sky, I look at rafters, motherf****r
I'm in the barn with some sheep, motherf****r
Most of the sheep are asleep, motherf****r

Hey ma, if you could see me now
Holdin' my longspear next to this cow
I'm gonna turn this barn into a golem somehow
Like a Rank 0 diety,(2) anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be in a barn
It's is really quite large
Erastil,(3) look at me
Never thought I'd see the day
With a big barn all full of hay
Believe me when I say... I f****d a mermaid!(4)

I'm in a barn (in a barn)
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm waiting in a barn
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
Take a good hard look
At the motherf*****g barn

(1)Probably the worst rhyme in here.
(2)Rank 0 is the lowest tier of dieties, but still possessed of the ability to alter reality.
(3)God of farming
(4)Yeah, still a mermaid. Doesn't matter that they're not in barns, because Klinn's that awesome.


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Oh s**t! Get your trowels ready
Everybody in the place hit the f****n' hay
But stay on your motherf*****g toes
We running this, let's go

I'm in a barn (in a barn)
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm waiting in a barn
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
I'm in a barn (in a barn)
Take a good hard look
At the motherf*****g barn

I'm in a barn, motherf****r; and I need to boast
Straight waitin' in this barn in this trading post
Busting some skulls, sis' whippin' out their throats
You can't stop me motherf****r cause I'm in a barn

Damn, messed up the rhyme scheme.


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I think the iconic witch is the single most faithful and detailed costume, so it gets my vote.