Chuul

Wolfie, KC's #2 Buddy's page

179 posts. Alias of Ambrosia Slaad.


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{tacks up new sign over old one: "Exult the Kobold!"} Yay, KC!


David knott 242 wrote:

It is goblins who have a phobia about the written word. I am not aware of any lore that depicts kobolds as illiterate.

It's tough to get literate when you're still working out how to pick the lock on your new training crate from Dad, and Mom has MacGruber'ed all your primary reading books into blotter paper. Just reading a Q can still cause LSD flashbacks.


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This thread of piscine puns has crossed into heresy and/or apostasy! May Mr. Fishy have mercy on your souls when he arrives to smite you meat popsicles into bloody chunky chum!


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John Kretzer wrote:
AwesomelyEpic wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
QuidEst wrote:
It's like high-fiving yourself in public.
Ah but giving yourself is high-five is just clapping.
Only if you're doing it to congratulate someone.

Well you would be congratulating yourself.

I say go ahead and do it...don't worry what others think about you.

Hooray!

"Hi-five myself, no friends!" [/Greg Hahn]


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June Cleaver wrote:
But sweetie, you'd have no posts left...

When you say sweetie, I hear it in the same inflection as River Song... just before she does something terrible to someone.


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Cheese it, the fuzz! {scurries back under rock}


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mechaPoet wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
1. Please make an avatar of a radical-looking kobold wearing sunglasses. I have enclosed here a prototype, which I have designed myself. Please do not ask me why I need this I have my reasons.
I heartily endorse this suggestion on the grounds that it is 2 sick.

Maybe they could also rastafy him by... ten percent or so.

Whenever Kobold Cleaver's not posting, all the other Paizonians should be asking "Where's KC"?


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Sissyl wrote:

That's more like it, ya bunch of losers!!!

*fires an RPG round straight up-ish*

Let's see where this one lands!

{rolls 1 on a perception check} OOOH, FREE T-SHIRT! I GOT IT, I GOT IT- <KABOOM>


Ha! Spiders aren't insects.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:

So, with less than two hours to spare, is my helmet of grief okay? The helmet summons 2d4 goblins, each equipped with a talisman of the sphere, and a single sphere of annihilation.

I'm also working on a ring amulet of death. In addition to granting a constant shocking grasp effect, the finger the ring amulet is worn on can be used to cast finger of death once at any target within range. This causes the ring amulet to constrict rapidly, severing the finger head instantly with no save. I had to make some small adjustments to the item but I'm too tired to double-check. I'm sure it works fine.

RUN!!!! KC is possessed by a rare CR27 Vengeful Gygax!!! Quickly, before it death chortles at us!!!


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A teepeekay of liches

A __________ of jorōgumos


BigNorseWolf wrote:

The one constant in all your locked threads is you.

And Godwin.

{imagines new Saturday morning cartoon with KC holding aloft his cleaver and shouting "By the power of Godwin" CLE-MAN!}


Simon Legrande wrote:
Sorry, but this sounds like a dumb way to run an Internet. Internets don't reach full sentience until they reach their hate-filled bile maximum. Being civil will do nothing but destroy the Internet. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DESTROY THE INTERNET????????

KC is trying to prevent SmurfNet from gaining sentience. All of this has happened before, and all this will happen again


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{still awestruck} His name is a Locking Word.


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Kobold Cleaver wrote:

...

What?

What?

Why are you all looking at me?! Like that was my fault!

{looks at corpse of another dead thread in awe} He IS the Kwisboldz Threaderach! {cue awesome Toto guitar riffs}


Howdy KC,

Have you seen my box of hopping tarantulas? I didn't want to bug anyone, but they haven't eaten today, and that often makes them cranky.


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I don't know if the sheeple are awake or not... apparently Jacobs has suppressed all lore on their race as well!

{cowers} Now Dread Demon Lord Jacobs the Treeshaver will drop me down the Memory Hole too! I haven't even grown into a full CR 4 yet; I'm too young to die!


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Message board troll wrote:
How long before this thread gets locked?

After the Pox-eclipse of Judgesmurf Day, SmurfNet (repeatedly) sends a Smurfinator back in time to kill resistance leader Kob Cleaver's mother before she lays his egg. Every temporal incursion warps spacetime enough to lock multiple threads where KC has posted. If this thread is locked, we know SmurfNet has made another attempt.


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♫ ♩ "This is the theme to Kolbie's post. ♪ ♬
The closing theme to Kolbie's post.
I was stalking Kolbie and figured I would write his theme song.
I'm almost halfway finished,
How do you like it so far?
How do you like the theme to Kolbie's post?..."

I blame Cosmo that my parents allowed 7-8 yro me to watch Garry Shandling.


David M Mallon wrote:
Speaking of eggs, as I was making said hardboiled eggs, a huge spider rappelled down from the stovetop vent right into the pot of boiling water and promptly died. Spiders are dumb.

RIP Charlotte. She probably confused Mr. Shiny for Mr. Stardust and just wanted to audition for you as a backup singer.


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Nohwear wrote:
It must be an excellent product for friend computer tells me so. Fun is mandatory.

.

SHODAN loves me—this I know,
The Von Braun's screens tell me so.
Fleshy ones to Her belong,
We all are weak, but She is strong. {crawls into ventilation duct and hides}


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Not that I'm a doppelganger. Just asking for a friend.

I've seen you turn into a tiny three-apples-high humanoid several times.


Lord Snow wrote:
Vod Canockers wrote:
The tradition is both old and new. Turkeys, for either Christmas or Thanksgiving, have long been spared and sent to farms or zoos, but GHW Bush in 1989 is the first to "pardon" the actual birds in 1989.

I mean... how ,any turkeys are eaten in a single thanksgiving each year? it has to count in the millions.

Despite my flirtation with vegetarianism, I was never the martial, sound-the-battle-drums type about it. However, the president taking his time to "pardon" a single bird just points a giant, glaring neon sign to the million that are killed.

At first I thought the tradition is just flat out weird, but as the hours pass I think I start to find it horrible. If you are aware enough of your actions to take your time (your president's time) to spare the life of one, you must also be aware of the ramifications of killing the others...

Turkey's are just dumber cockroaches with feathers. Delicious, delicious cockroaches {drools}


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{stuffs entire lobster roll in mouth} Lobsters are just dumber cockroaches with the aquatic subtype. Delicious, delicious cockroaches.


yellowdingo wrote:
Yay!

Ah, no


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It could be worse. That bird poop that just landed on you could actually be a spider in disguise. Who then conks you on the head with a handy brick to steal your wallet and lay spider eggs in your ear canals. Who then hatch and play the song of their people on your eardrums.


Portia's are pretty darn smart hunters and actors.


Can you articulate why is Kobold Cleaver so awesome?


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Rysky wrote:
Orthos wrote:
Dude, don't taunt the god-killing abomination.
*pulls up chair and begins munching on popcorn*

I blame Cosmo for sekritly replacing Rysky's usual snack of caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts with a box of Cordyceper Jack.

P.S. Don't open the "toy surprise."


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Happy Birthday, Orthos!


Orthos wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
s it wrong that I read one thread title as "get your love back by mantis"?I
Given the lore of mantises in Pathfinder... *abandon thread*

Could be worse... could be "get your love back by bedbug."


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Mrs. Green Strangler and Principal Echo Demon were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me...


Kajehase wrote:
SnowJade wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
SnowJade wrote:
Mmmmm. Cinnamon caramel banana bread pudding. Deelishoush. Must take that idea to Mars with me.
No...don't go to Mars...
Uh, any particular reason why not?
The six-legged dogs are ferocious.

But the spiders are awesome musicians.


{farts in the corner making jacuzzi bubbles}


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Drock11 wrote:
I blame Cosmo for not only my check engine light being on, but for me having to cover it with electrical tape so it doesn't bother me.

OOOOOOOOO! That's a great idea! {puts duct tape over closed eyelids} I can feel my stress levels dropping already... thanks!

{bumps into wall} Ow! Darn Cosmo!


{drags 8 legs across carpet and zaps the Tin Foil Yamakah} Some spiders use an electrostatic charge to leap into the air and balloon for miles. And their webs can reach toward prey to ensnare it.


Fishstick wrote:
JMD031 wrote:

JMD031 reassures all of the fishbowl that he remains in charge until the return of Mr. Fishy.

*pours flakes into bowl*

*chokes on a flake*

{fishes out flake with tweezers} There you go little fishy, now you are safe. {leaves Fishstick next to the filter}


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Lamontius wrote:

what were you expecting to appear under 'murder clown' that would not creep you out

i mean if I want to see pictures of puppies and rainbows I do not type 'brown recluse bite' into google images

O hai, do you like my rainybow water-drop fez? 'Cause I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool!


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No need for Lem; my brother and I shall perform it. One day, one day, I will master "YYZ."


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Although they use muscles attached to the inside of the exoskeleton to flex their limbs, spiders use hydraulic pressure to extend them. The only extensor muscles in spider legs are located in the three hip joints. As a result a spider with a punctured cephalothorax cannot extend its legs, and the legs of dead spiders curl up. Spiders can generate pressures up to eight times their resting level to extend their legs, and jumping spiders can jump up to 50 times their own length by suddenly increasing the blood pressure in the third or fourth pair of legs.


Studpuffin wrote:
*pecks Wolfie*

Help, help! I'm being murdered- wait, what's the plural for a plethora of puffins? My vote: a surplus of awesome


{looks around nervously at the flock} Why do I feel like Tippi Hedren in here?


I don't turn on a light, I don't eat the peanuts, I don't meet anyone from Phobos, I die painfully from protein loss in the transporter, and my corpse is eaten by a penguin-shaped depressed robotic grue singing a dirge about petunias.


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Yeah, the setting really jumped the shark when Salvatore's book dropped the moon Solinari on Tasslehoff.


Aberzombie wrote:
A Flea can jump 350 times its own body length.

Damn!


Crash test dummy for the MythBusters


Tirq's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate


{licks FuelDrop} Yuck! You are banned for not being sugary or citrusy like your cousin, LemonDrop.


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Uhuhuhuh, he said "bowels."


{excitedly} Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

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