WHG's Flunkie's page

Ustalav? Uh, no. Well if they're from Ustalav, we certainly don't get them there. I mean Ustalav's one of those 'business only' places for witch hunters.
I think these potatoes are 'patriotics', which were grown in Andoran. Not to be confused with the 'patriotic reds' from Galt, where it's best not to ask too many questions about the soil they grow in, or just where the stain comes from...

Uh. 'Witch Hunter General'.

Confound that Ninja, Mairkurion.
Here. Have some potatoes.

<piles more potatoes wrapped in foil into the glowing embers, to baked>
Here guys, help yourself when they're done, but mind your fingers, as they're hot.
I think I saw a bottle of chilli sauce somewhere, if you want seasoning.

Uh, to all new posters, just be careful of the Bella-Sara pony. That pony has a vicious kick, if you get in the way.
Excuse me, but I'm due back on the Untitled thread, where I'm roasting baked potatoes in the ashes of Kobold Cleaver.
<scuttles off>

Eh, cummagin?

<hands Trey a baked potato, wrapped in foil, just cooked in Kobold Cleaver's ashes>

Here. Careful. It's hot.

Darn. I doubt Mammy can afford to have Sebastian's Mother witch-burnt at the standard rate.
<raking through Kobold Cleaver's ashes has bright idea>
Hey, everyone! Look! Embers perfect for roasting potatoes wrapped in foil in, for baked potatoes!

Uh, does that mean we can't give Mammy a covey discount, boss?

Never mind that Larry ... you can keep him, you dimestore hussy!

Yoo hoo, Mr. Witch Hunter! I sure do appreciate a man of authority who wears uniforms and cute little beards... Is there a Mrs. Witch Hunter General?

Hey, keep your claws outta the boss. Isn't there a 'Sebastian's father' around somewhere?

<scuttles around with a measuring tape, sizing up Kobold Cleaver, Sebastian's Mother, and Mrs. Lichman>
Triple burning, boss, please? We can give Mammy a discount for rooting out three evil witches or warlocks...

'I'll get you next time, Runelord!'
<Scuttling off>

Bickering.

Post announcing 'Witch, Warlock, GRAB HIM!'

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

Shakespeare, maybe?

Edit:
Yay, google reveals it to be from 'The Scottish Play'.

You mean MacBeth?

<runs around in panic, waving list in the air>

This thread is doomed! Bail out everyone, bail out!
<scuttles off>

<scuttles in and pases Aberzombie more BBQ sauce with extra-hot chilli peppers>
<fills the tankard of Sebastian's Mother with more beer>
<scuttles out again, before the poetry recitation can start>

You know it's true what they say about 'you can run, but you can't hide'. There was this one time, when Captain Kid Rime had a Woozle and a Heffalump cornered up by...
Uh. You don't want to hear about that?
Well it's not *that* sort of story, but perhaps you're right and it's better off not told.
<scuttles off to look for another thread>

<Scuttles off, giving Wesley F. Schenider a FILTHY look as he goes.>
I'll be keeping an eye on you, sonny.

But he's a black dragon, boss. He loves Ustalav.

A lot of rubbish stuff.

Hey, you. I've got a little list. You'll none of you be missed.

Umm, although my boss might let you off. He seems waaayy too easy going these days.
I tell him 'That Wesley F. Schneider is a black dragon in league with the powers of hell, whom we really need to burn at the stake like a giant vertical spit roast and he just quirks an eyebrow and says "Hmmm, well where's your proof?"'

Phew.
<hurries off after the errant Rust-monster, hoping to keep it out of the thread once the illusion expires>

<struggles to haul Spotty off, but fails>
Strength check to try to haul Spotty the Rust-Monster off Vic. (1d20-3=13)

Ah. <idea, hurried silent, still, spellcasting> Look Spotty, who that nice lady over there is, with The Book of Dead Smiles. It's Arpad. Go to the nice lady, Spotty.

Hi Spotty, leavy the nice mouse god alone. No not that mouse-god, but the nice Mr. Wertz.
(Sorry about this, Mr. Wertz....)

Hey, we need a system for flagging things so that evil witches and warlocks can be located quickly for burning by my master. With the energy crisis in Europe, we could do with some long-burning witches and warlocks to keep the power stations running, and I hear that (thanks to their unholy pacts with otherworldly powers) a warlock will burn like a roman candle indefinitely- and all at practially zero carbon emissions.
Uh. This isn't really on topic, though, is it?
<scampers off, shame-faced>

My physics dictionary (hey, flunkies have dictionaries, too!) gives the figure for the speed of light as being 300,000 kilometres per second, but I suspect that the figure has been rounded, and in any case you are looking for information in miles.

I suspect you need someone much nerdier than me, milady.

Being a genius is practically worthless if you are unable to communicate your thoughts in ways which other people are unprepared to take the time to try to understand.
Uhhh. So I've heard.

Looks suitably guilty, then scuttles off.

Uhh, your crushing despair spells and Bluff checks don't seem too effective against rust-monsters.
And if that wasn't a crushing despair/Bluff combination and you're relying on only mere physics and chemistry in the face of the supernatural, you have a problem. Supernatural- that which is greater than the natural.
Why do you think that my master ends up burning supernaturally fire-resistant witches and warlocks at the stake to prove that they are evil fiends?
Now if you'll excuse me, but I have to be elsewhere before he discovers I've ben trying to moonlight instead of collect moonshine...
Scuttles off...

All metalic components have been replaced with non-ferrus materials.

Chemical structure information has been downloaded to Primary Adjunct of paizomatix 0.

Discontinue this attack and surrender.
We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
Your culture will adapt to service us.
Resistance is Futile.

Unless you're trying to tell me that you guys are plastic?

All metalic components have been replaced with non-ferrus materials.

Chemical structure information has been downloaded to Primary Adjunct of paizomatix 0.

Discontinue this attack and surrender.
We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
Your culture will adapt to service us.
Resistance is Futile.

Uh, yeah, resistance is futile, guys. Rust monsters go after anything metal, irrespective of whether it happens to be ferrous or not, and the bigger the meal, the better. Sure they prefer ferrous metals, but they'll go for non-ferrous if there isn't anything ferrous around, and the Jacks aren't ferrous either, I'd wager.

Too much metal in one place, the first of them has arrived! I think I saw that one hanging around a place on the borderlands, a while back.... Kendall Keep I think. Used to be some necromancer's pet in a silver anniversary year.

Edit:
I hope these Paizomatix guys have spare legs, or can hop very fast. Spotty seems most eager to assimilate them.

WHG's Flunkie wrote:

Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:

There's getting to be too many Borgs in here. I may have to bust some heads.

Uhhh, or you could send for Pax Veritas' friends....

Why, what will they do?

Uh, eat them?

There's getting to be too many Borgs in here. I may have to bust some heads.

Uhhh, or you could send for Pax Veritas' friends....

Jacks. Is this Paizomatix 0 guy a problem you want taken care of, or do you find him sufficiently funny to want to keep him around? I guess a hunk of metal that size is handy for striking matches on, if nothing else.

Uhhhh. Sorry. Wrong thread, guys.
<scuttles hurriedly off>

Iron Sentinel wrote:

Stay back, and do not try to swarm me, ye accursed trolls, or I shall smite thee with my vastly superior intelligence!

No, you idiot, you need to use FIRE! ;)

Witch! Unholy Warlock! Quick! Someone make an attack (t)roll on Invisible Castle, and cut him down before he gets away.

Oooh, metallic daemons in need of confounding. Here's an old poser for you, to see how logical you are:

'This statement is false. True or false?'

'Uhhh, sort of like that. They're things that the likes of Logue and Pett spend their time giggling about, between TPKs.'
scuttles hurriedly off, after the Witch Hunter General, to other parts....

'But boss, he is green'.
<pitiful whine.>

'Uhhhh.'
<Guilty look>.

'Boss, boss, he's just begging to be roasted at the stake, here, and toasted frog is just so yummy... I mean to say that toasted frog is so gummy. It sticks everywhere, just like those acid drop bears.'

'Boss, I got a cultist this time, a real genuine honest cultist for yah.'

<Arrives looking for revenue men or paparazzi, but finds none and gives the 'all clear'.>

Mary Yamato wrote:

After having problems with this in RotRL and CotCT, my group will no longer consider playing an AP until all issues are in hand. So, little to no commentary for another 4 months.

That said, unless it's significantly different from its summary I don't think we can play SD as written; to us it seems to have severe problems with PC and player motivation. Maybe it can be adapted in some way to work. But trying to adapt something we've only got 1/6 of in hand definitely sounds like a bad idea.

Mary

Bah, you're doing that whole "give the players a choice" thing, aren't you? I just read the adventures straight out of the book to my players. Way easier.

(In a whiny voice)<Boss! The prehistoric black dragon is at it again, really, come and look; he's saying badwrongfun again!>

Request for Legar action against thread thievery

Pointy accusing finger and shout of 'WARLOCK!'

<Runs through thread looking for heretics to be burnt at the stake, and scuttles out again.>

Personally I think plots tend to bog down the adventures...

Boss. We've got a suspected agent of Wizards of the Coast here, who's infiltrated Paizo and is spreading 'plots suck' propaganda.