Velcro Zipper's page

It's been a while man. How are you?

I'm retired. That's how I am. At least, temporarily. I retired from active duty, moved out to the desert and started attending college after taking about 27 consecutive gap years. I haven't played Pathfinder in a few years now, so I'm hoping to get a group together soon.

My last post here was back in 2017. I don't think 2E was quite out yet. I was in the Arctic several times and once passed by Santa's Village outside of Fairbanks. I never encountered this would-be sock-simian conqueror. That must be something new.

If you can find a copy, Dragon Magazine #307 contained a big section on Westeros as a campaign world. The article included basic information about the geography, religions and history and contained stats for a few of the major characters.

Not Pathfinder per se, but this is how they handled it in 3.5:

"Death of a Master:
If you die, and your animal companion survives, it is effectively dismissed. As a house rule, you might want to delay the companion's loss of abilities for a short time, say one day for each character level you have.

If you are later brought back from the dead, the link between you and your surviving animal companion is reestablished automatically."

Since PF is an offshoot of 3.5, I generally default to 3.5 rules when I can't find a precedent in PF RAW. I've used the delayed loss of ability part of the rule above for familiars and animal companions in my campaigns and it's never been an issue.

Using this rule, I see no reason you couldn't teach your animal Serve and then have a fellow PC babysit your companion while the party is trying to get you raised. If you're never raised and the GM allows it, the party could adopt your animal companion as a pet but it would eventually lose all of its AniComp mojo.

My $0.02.

I'm still waiting for a Thundercats/Silverhawks/TigerSharks crossover. Any RPG setting about the Silverhawks should definitely include 3rd Earth and Water-O as locations with all the accompanying races and lore.

In one playthrough, I actually caught a bandit named Rochelle the Red and her gang in my house when they showed up to kidnap my wife. None of them lived to regret entering my home.

I've only actually had one spouse kidnapped so far. Vampires took my wife, Sylgja, to Cragwallow Slope, a cave of conjurers near Windhelm. Agmaer, a fellow Dawnguard member, accompanied me and Meeko into the cave where we exterminated the nest with extreme prejudice spilling grey matter and vampire fart dust with my Danwguard Warhammer and his pa's iron axe which I'd enchanted with fire magic.

The leader of the mages, a Master Conjurer, summoned a frost atronach to murder my helpless wife while she was tied up on the floor after he saw me shout his ally, a Master Vampire, into ash. Agmaer and Meeko were somewhere behind me slaying mooks, I needed more time to recharge my shout and equipping my crossbow would take too long so I had a choice to make: charge the atronach and pray I made it to my wife in time to save her or chase the fleeing conjurer and kill him to dispel his summoning magic.

As I began to sprint forward, I heard Meeko's excited barking over my shoulder. The dog was beat to hell, but he leapt from the tunnel behind me and somehow managed to corner the conjurer as I calved the atronach like a glacier.

I turned back to see Meeko cowering in front of the wizard, too wounded to continue to fight, and I drew my silver sword as I chased the conjurer up a flight of stairs. The wizard tried to drop another atronach between us as I closed the gap, but he was too slow and the creature appeared behind me. He blasted me with lightning as I slashed at him and, before he could heal himself, I grabbed his shoulder and forced his throat down onto my blade until he turned into a unicorn.

I cut Sylgja loose and the brave girl confidently told me she'd be okay to walk home alone, but I sent Meeko with her. I don't know if she's just a really good person or if she got a little Stockholm Syndrome but, while I was looting the cave, I found Sylgja kneeling next to a dead mage and commenting on how sad it was that he died.

If you're going to adopt, it's kind of hard to say no to Sofie, the orphan in Windhelm. She sleeps on a sheet of ice covering a stone tile at night and hustles flowers on the street all day to raise money for food. At least the orphan girl in Whiterun has some soft dirt to curl up on when she isn't begging for coins like some crusty street rat bumming cigarettes from tourists outside Pacific Place.

Your other options are the kids from the Riften Orphanage or a couple of boys working at the Solitude Stables and the Dawnstar Everywhere respectively. Seriously, the kid in Dawnstar has, like, 20 jobs he doesn't get paid for and sometimes (sometimes!) they let him sleep on the floor at the inn. You can usually find him running through town shouting for you to get out of his way.

As mentioned, you can give your kids daggers and wooden swords to play with. I like to enchant the weapons and coat them in poison before giving them to my kids. If your cellar is infested with skeevers, your heavily armed children might appear to help you kill them.

Sometimes, your kids will also bring home stray animals they want to keep or they'll ask to adopt your dog (if you have one.) So far, I've seen them adopt a bunny, a fox and a skeever. The pets won't leave your home, but the fox did help me and one of the kids kill the skeevers in the cellar.

A fun part of owning any of the steadings is the random encounters that can take place when you arrive home or leave your house. A giant might show up to kill your cow and chickens, bandits might try to rob your house or a dragon may attack you. If you leave your spouse alone at the house without a housecarl or steward to protect them, they might even get kidnapped and held for ransom.

In one of the introductions to an AD&D Spelljammer book, the writer tells a story about how he managed to make the brand new "D&D in Spaaaace!" setting feel appropriately weird and different after his players had already been fighting poison-breathing stilt-chickens (achaierai) and stump-bunnies (wolf-in-sheep's-clothing) for years.

The players landed on a new planet and encountered a race of savage, cannibalistic, land-dwelling squids that were immune to blindness and seemed to possess blindsight. None of the players knew what they were and tried a mix of tactics to defeat them. What they didn't know is the DM had just re-skinned some grimlocks, evil, cave-dwelling humanoids they'd encountered a dozen times before.

It just shows that evil squid monsters might not be weird to people actually living in a world of space-traveling elves and lizardfolk, but it can really mess with your players' perceptions when those evil squids aren't behaving in expected ways.

I broke a Ravenloft campaign before it really ever started once. This was AD&D 2nd Edition and the GM was homebrewing an adventure where some evil warlord intended to ritually sacrifice a specific woman in order to open a vortex to Ravenloft, the Demiplane of Dread. Our party tracked the warlord to his keep and arrived just in time to see him dragging the struggling lass across a narrow bridge to the sacrificial altar. The GM's plan was for our party to be trapped in the vortex after failing to save the damsel. From there, the campaign would officially begin in Ravenloft.

My very pragmatic, LN gnome fighter ruined his plans by shooting the woman with his crossbow, killing her and causing her body to plummet off of the bridge before the warlord could sacrifice her. I justified the gnome's actions by saying we all knew what the warlord was planning and my PC decided killing the woman was the best way to prevent more death and chaos from being unleashed on the kingdom.

There were a dozen ways the GM could have saved his campaign, but he just let the dice roll determine our fate and then got mad at me and ended the entire adventure.

Wow. You learn something new everyday. I never even knew about this quest.

That quest is fun. Not only do you find a cool dungeon with lots of bandits to slaughter, you unlock a really weak follower when you complete it. By the time you finish Rise in the East, Adelaisa's only real value will probably be as a sacrifice to Boethiah (anyone looking for the Ebony Mail will know what I'm talking about.) The backstory of Japhet's Folly is really tragic and cool too if you spend some time exploring the tower to find Japhet's Journal.

So then I assume you're aware of

This site is a pretty good tool for answering alignment questions. Also, TV Tropes provides a ton of ammunition for your argument.

It sounds to me like you're justified in your actions and alignment. Your gunslinger seems like he mostly just wants to live his life without people telling him what to do, hates seeing other people coerced or forced to live under harmful authority and actively rebels against laws he considers unjust or oppressive. If this prisoner had a history of perpetrating malicious acts, especially acts that hurt or killed others, and the GS had reason to believe the "law" would fail to protect victims from further ill, it's totally in character to "take the law into his own hands." The prisoner may have been helpless when you shot him, but a snake in a bag doesn't lose its venom. Just based on that, an argument can definitely be made that your GS is actually a vengeful Chaotic Good.

The thing with walking the roads with a bottle of Honningbrew Mead is a random encounter so it might take a little while. You're going to want to keep your eye out for three dudes by the side of the road swinging their arms around having a hootenanny.

Carry a bottle of Honningbrew Mead everywhere you go, stick to the roads and remember to share, and you'll find a way to increase your carrying capacity soon enough.

Barring that, find some Hanging Moss and Giant Toes.

The old 2E Monstrous Compendium states the animating force of a ju-ju zombie is strongly tied to the Negative Material plane resulting in a number of defenses. Among them, they're difficult to harm with weapons, immune to mind-affecting spells, psionics, illusions, electricity and magic missiles.

So it's an artifact of previous editions couched in an explanation that the abundance of negative energy animating Juju zombies protects them from harm. Fluff-wise, I'd say there is so much negative energy permeating Juju zombies that they register as inanimate objects to whatever arcane frequency magic missiles use to target creatures.

It disappoints me that you can't do anything with the Thalmor's dossier on Ulfric Stormcloak. It seems like certain people on both sides of the civil war would be interested to learn the Aldmeri Dominion is using Ulfric as an unwitting puppet in their efforts to destabilize the Empire.

One of my favorite Skyrim builds was a Wood Elf hobo. The basic idea was that he was just some dude; not a hero, not an adventurer, just a homeless drifter getting by. His only "weapons" were a pickaxe, a wood axe, an iron dagger and a hunting bow. He usually just wore clothes, but he eventually crafted some hide armor to wear while hunting.

He would spend three days around a village, mill, mine or city chopping wood, digging for ore or hunting for pelts and meat to earn gold he would mostly blow on booze. If he needed a place to sleep, he would often just pick pockets or steal things until he got caught so he could spend the night in a warm jail cell. After three days, he would head for a new town and start over.

He would occasionally do courier or fetch jobs for people, but nothing dangerous. The closest he ever got to the main quest was declining Farengar's request to go into Bleak Falls Barrow after he delivered a message to Jarl Balgruuf about the dragon at Helgen. Several in-game months later, guards in Skyrim were still talking about the "Helgen Incident" and the return of the dragons, but he never once saw another dragon.

To him, Alduin was an elaborate illusion and the destruction of Helgen was part of a vast conspiracy involving the Thalmor and the College of Winterhold to perpetuate the civil war and distract the populace while Khajit agents of the Aldmeri Dominion distributed Sanguinare Vampiris-laced Skooma to addicts in order to weaken Skyrim with a plague of vampires. It all makes sense if you pay attention to your surroundings but don't actually engage in any of the major quests.

I made that character as a joke, but I ended up playing him for almost two in-game years. It was way more fun than I thought it would be.

Why not just make him a full-on anthropomorphic potato and become The Tuber Who Lived?

The players' miniatures enter the battle map to discover the half-melted corpses of a dozen hollow chocolate manticores, their peanut butter filling drained from their bodies. Clearly this is work of filling poachers, criminals who harvest and sell scrumptious gooey innards on the black market, leaving the chocolate remains of their prey to melt in the sun or be devoured by hypoglycemic hyenas.

We've already lost the raspberry-filled white chocolate unicorns and the nougat-centered dark chocolate owlbears to these outlaws, and one caramel chocolate pegasus is mercilessly slaughtered every 12 minutes. How many more species have to be wiped out before you make a difference?

Saw this on IMAX last night. If you're a lifelong fan, you owe it to the King of Monsters to see this on the biggest screen possible. Seeing him fully revealed, especially when he fights the Mutos, is awe-inspiring.

For anyone who's actually on the fence about seeing this, Godzilla radiates awesome. Gareth Edwards does a terrific job building up to the main event and I really hope this film makes the money it needs for him to do his own version of Destroy All Monsters. Godzilla totally sets up the possibility for there being more kaiju lurking across the planet, and I think Toho will be happy enough with this movie to let Legendary use more of their beasts.

Some notes about Godzilla:

If you pay attention to the opening credits, the names of the cast and crew are surrounded by text leaking clues about Godzilla. The text is quickly covered up by white lines like it's being redacted so you have to read fast to make it out. It's a really cool effect and a neat addition to the credits.

The Mutos are a great addition to the list of monsters in Godzilla's world, and their special attack is freakin' sweet. They reminded me of giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches.

For the benefit of those who haven't seen it yet, all I'll say here is the audience I was with freaked out when they saw the blue light in the fog.

Bryan Cranston said in an interview that the poster in his son's bedroom at the beginning of the film showing two giant monsters fighting one another has the Kanji for "Let them fight!" written on it. By now most people will know those are the words Ken Watanbe says as Godzilla and the Mutos are converging on San Francisco. I don't read Japanese, but knowing that made the scene a little more awesome to me. It's like this kid's childhood fantasy of towering monsters beating the snot out of each other was becoming reality, and I can't approve of this enough.

Now I really want a T-shirt showing Godzilla and the Mutos with the words "Let them fight!" written between them done in the style of a Showa era Godzilla movie poster. This needs to be a thing.

In the past I've had characters purchase chickens, sheep and other livestock to use as monster bait, but Handle Animal presents loads of options. Here are a few:

• Hard up for GP? The Entertain trick gives you dancing chickens (ala the Muppet Show) you can use to earn extra cash.
• Exploring a potentially gas-filled dungeon or traversing a minefield? Chickens with the Detect trick can be used to find poison, hidden doors, traps, etc.
• Late night watches ruining your beauty sleep? The Watch trick gives you chicken alarms which can guard your camp while you rest.
• Need help hitting a heavily armored opponent? The Aid trick gives you a brood of hens capable of granting you up to +24 on your attacks if all 12 make the AC10 attack roll to Aid Another.
• Tied up or trapped by entangling vines? 12 chickens with the Break Out trick can grant you a +48 to Escape Artist checks.

Chickens should have an INT of 2 so that gives each one 6 tricks. I recommend breaking them up so you have different chickens with different skills.

Another good reason for you to have chickens? Grooming. You're a wolf so you're probably lousy with ticks and fleas. Guess what chickens eat? That's right, your parasites.

If Paizo ever puts out a Player Companion focused on bards, I'd like to see Perform expanded to include more skills. Some of these might get lumped in with available Performance types like Oratory, Acting, Comedy or Dance but I'm thinking of stuff like: Ventriloquism, Puppetry, Pantomime, Juggling, Vocal Impressions or Weapon Drills.

Sideshow performances would be cool too and could be its own Performance group. You could include stuff like Human Blockhead, Sword Swallowing, Contortion or Fire Eating.

On a more clever note, anyone notice the writers playing with the Skye-haters? (She mentioned the name the orphanage gave to her.) ** spoiler omitted **

They weren't playing with us. They were providing us validation ^_^

Duh, all the ancient technology was so far advanced it was organic and 100% biodegradable because a truly advanced civilization would know to use natural renewable resources that would break down quickly to replenish the environment. Traces of their culture are all around us, hidden in plain sight. Rocks and trees are just old spaceship parts.

*Velcro Zipper am being facetious*

As far as the movie goes, it was pretty good. The Watchers' (fallen angels) valiant stand against the people of Cain was awesome.

Kenny the Summoner and his eidolon Gamera.

Didn't Lorelei go on and on about seducing and killing Sif's actual boyfriend, whose name I don't remember, back in the day? Or am I just making all that up in my head? :)

I was kind of doing the same thing, but I thought I caught Sif being pretty clear about inferring that Jane Foster and Thor were the people she was actually talking about when she brought up all that stuff about seeing someone she cared about seduced and taken from his friends and family.

No worries. I was jus' messin'. I saw your post and remembered seeing how ridonkulously powerful he is in the Tome of Horrors.

Here's a couple more characters for the pile.

Popeye the Sailor Man -NG Barbarian (Sea Reaver) 7 / Monk (Martial Artist) 7

Eugene the Jeep - LG Blink Dog Sage Sorcerer (Destined bloodline) 5

Maj. Glenn Talbot to appear in Agents of Shield: (from io9.com)

Adrian Pasdar will be guest-starring in an upcoming April episode as Glenn Talbot, who is a major supporting character from the the Hulk comics. No news yet about how Coulson and his team will encounter Talbot, but Pasdar did seem to hint that he'd be more than bit part in a single episode, answering a question about whether he'd come back by saying:

"Oh yeah. I would imagine. As willing as I am to jump when Jeph [Loeb] calls, there had to be a little bit more in it than just an episode for me. So I can't say much more but the mustache is in a locker and it's being taken out and prepped as we speak for next week. Every show needs a jerk, [and] I guess I'm that guy. I make everybody else look so nice. I think it was Walt Disney who said it, "The show's only as good as the bad guy is bad.'"

I remember this character best from the 1980's Hulk cartoon, but he has a long history in the Hulk comics. He was a great jerk character as part of the Banner/Betty Ross/Talbot love triangle so I wonder if he'll be involved in a gamma-related plot.

I'm glad to see more recognizable characters slowly appearing in the show.

Initially I thought sorcerer because of the inborn mutant abilities but, after looking at a list of all the powers they've given Magneto over the years, I'm leaning toward Transmuter wizard.

Here's why. Let's break down Magneto's crazy-stupid list of powers and accomplishments:

• Control over magnetism and the manipulation of ferrous and nonferrous metal. (spells like telekinesis, armor lock, keen edge, hardening, fabricate)

• Matter rearrangement. (Transmutation is all about this)

• Telekinetic manipulation of objects and creatures. (more transmutation spells)

• Offensive blasts in the form of electromagnetic pulses and beams. (not necessarily transmutation but more spells, esp. evocation)

• Ability to become Invisible by warping visible light around his body. (illusion magic)

• Projection of force-fields. (abjuration, conjuration)

• Ability to increase his strength and durability by channeling his powers into his own body. (transmutation in spades)

• Teleportation by warping magnetic fields to create wormholes. (conjuration)

• Resistant to telepathic attacks. (high will save, more abjuration magic)

• Possible latent telepathic powers. (divination)

• Genius intellect skilled in numerous fields of advanced science, including genetic manipulation, particle physics, engineering, and other fields of technology. (high INT, lots of Knowledge skills, Item Creation feats)

• Fluent in many human languages and once single-handedly deciphered the unknown language of a lost civilization. (linguistics, tongues, comprehend languages)

• Extraordinarily skilled at sensing what others are thinking and feeling by reading facial expressions, body language. (high sense motive, probably some diplomacy, intimidate and bluff too for taking advantage of what he perceives)

• Master strategist, leader and tactician. (High INT, CHA, social skills, knowledge geography, history for using past battles and terrain to his advantage)

• Above average hand-to-hand combatant. (transformation, other buffing transmutation spells)

You aren't going to build the Magneto from the comics unless you make him some kind of unique monster . He's practically a god. However, with the right selection of spells, feats and skills and some poetic license in describing his spell effects, I think a Transmuter can get you a fair approximation.

If you're a Brotherhood of Evil Mutants fan, give him a Toad familiar ^_^

Lords of Madness for 3.5 had an item called the Codex Anathema that was effectively the D&D version of the Necronomicon. Reading the book granted a one-time only +2 Int, -2 Wis, 5 ranks in Know: Dungeoneering, 2 to Arcana and 2 to Planes (these are actual ranks, not just a skill bonus.) If I was making an Al Azif for my campaign, I'd probably mash that up with the Anathema Archive from Rise of the Runelords and toss in a bunch of spells converted from the Call of Cthulhu RPG. Since Lovecraft wrote Abdul Alhazred was killed and devoured by an invisible monster in broad daylight in front a large number of witnesses, I'd definitely throw in a curse attached to the book; perhaps a cumulative % chance per use that some extra-dimensional horror arrives to claim the reader of the book.

Spoiler Alert.

Bleeding Cool has seen 20 minutes of Godzilla and they say it looks awesome.

Challenge accepted.

Pod-Gill the Just Terrible, Venerable Pod-Spawned Gillman lv20
Level 1-True Primitive (Brb), Unbreakable (Ftr,) Monk of the Lotus (Mnk,) Holy Gun (Pal,) Wild Stalker (Rgr,) Carnivalist (Rog,) Musketeer (Cav,) Mysterious Stranger (Gun,) Sin Eater (Inq,) Soul Forger (Mag,) Synthesist (Sum,) Mindchemist (Alc,) Menhir Savant (Drd,) Scroll Scholar (Wiz,) Theologian (Cle,) Stargazer (Ocl,) Tattooed Sorcerer (Sor,) Court Bard (Brd,) Witch, Horizon Walker

Alignment - LE
HP 105
STR 10 (-10pts -6) DEX 10 (-10pts -6) CON 11 (-7pts +2 -6) INT 10 (+4pts 7+3) WIS 8 (+4pts 7+3-2) CHA 8 (+4pts 7+2+3-4)
Fort +27 Ref +12 Will +20

Skills (74pts): Knowledge (geography) 6 ranks +7, Profession (any 68 professions) 68ranks +1each

Feats: Any 10 metamagic feats

Attacks: Fine Mancatcher -5/-10 Damage: -

Class Abilities/Special Abilities:
cantrips, arcane bond (familiar parrot,) arcane school, scribe scroll, diligent student, aura, channel energy (secrets,) domain (knowledge, variant channel harm,) orisons, spontaneous casting, curse (clouded vision,) mystery, revelation (guiding star,) orisons, spontaneous casting, spirit sense, nature bond (domain seasons,) familiar tattoo, bloodline (destined,) mage's tattoo (bonus feat,) cantrips, hex (water lung,) patron's spells,heraldic expertise, cantrips, bardic performance, cognotagen, bomb, alchemy, brew potion, throw anything
fused link, cantrips, summon monster 1, illiterate, rage, favored terrain (desert)
endurance, diehard, vow of poverty, flurry of blows, unarmed strike, combat reflexes (bonus feat, have gun, amateur gunslinger, gunsmithing (bonus feats,) strong senses, track, wild empathy, familiar, trapfinding, gifted firearm, challenge, order of the seal, tactician (allied spellcaster,) grit (CHA-based), gunsmithing, deeds, eat sin, monster lore, stern gaze, judgment, orisons, arcane bond (fine mancatcher,) arcane pool, cantrips, favored terrain (astral plane)

Adventuring Gear: A Fine-sized Mancatcher (his arcane bonded weapon,) an ex-parrot (his familiar which has ceased to be,) a spellbook he refuses to read because he is an illiterate true primitive. Pod-Gill takes his Monk Vow of Poverty very seriously.

Pod-Gill sucks because he's stupid, old and a pod person, which means he can't cast his spells and none of his supernatural or spell-like abilities work. He never focused on any one skill or task in life so he's a complete wreck and he needs to stay wet or he will shrivel up and die. Basically, he's the worst and I hate him.

Some Disney conversions I did awhile back...

I think the Armor Piercing Claws thing is a bit much. I get where it's coming from, but (essentially) brilliant energy claws on a +19 to hit seems like overkill. It also seems strange to me that something like a common dog with only AC 13 from +1 natural armor, Dex and size is effectively harder for a deathclaw to injure than a DEX 10 dwarf wearing stone plate and a tower shield (AC 23.) I'd lose the "ignores armor and shield bonuses" part or, if you're really in love with it, maybe keep it to only when the deathclaw uses pounce.

Push could be also be replaced by the Awesome Blow feat. It's different and maybe less powerful, but it's an ability that already exists in the game with rules to explain how it works. All you'd have to do is give the deathclaw STR 25, designate Improved Natural Attack as a Bonus feat and replace a feat with Improved Bull Rush. I'd probably drop Skill Focus (Perception.)

Not that it probably matters but I'd probably give the deathclaws a slightly higher CHA as well, maybe even a 6. They're only a tiny bit smarter than most animals, but they seem like social creatures like ravens and lions that gather in groups with an apparent pecking order based on size, strength and ferocity.

As far as intelligent deathclaws go, Goris was the smartest introduced in the games and he maxes out at INT 8 using Fallout's SPECIAL attributes when the Chosen One reaches the endgame of Fallout 2. Mother, the deathclaw matriarch, from Fallout Tactics only has INT 4 and she's supposed to be the smartest of her pack. SPECIAL uses INT 9 as genius intellect and Goris was the only deathclaw in his pack to even break INT 4. For Pathfinder, I'd say the average intelligent deathclaw is still only around INT 7. Older deathclaws like Mother would get age bonuses for INT 8-10 and exceptional specimens like Goris might reach as high INT 18 with time and no magical aid.

Increasing longevity and replacing damaged limbs and organs - A docile variant of the bodythief plant is cultivated that allows people to produce limbs, organs or even fresh young bodies to house their old minds without losing their personalities in the process.

Energy production - A non-ambulatory hybrid of cyanobacteria and a shambling mound is produced that absorbs carbon to produce massive "wings" of algae that serve as solar-collecting panels. The hybrid acts as a high concentration photovoltaic system that converts sunlight into electricity and lightning rods are used to attract electricity to the mound during storms in order to supplement the solar collection. The stored energy is then siphoned from the plant to provide warmth and light to the community. (Pseudo)Science!

Space exploration! - I won't take credit for this one, but Spelljammer was filled with awesome elven spaceships grown from plants and crystals. The gadabout allowed a single wearer to safely travel through the vacuum of space for a limited time but could also be used to explore the ocean floor or other environments where breathable air was scarce.

Public transportation - using Plant Growth, Wood Shape and wind-related magic, massive reeds can be produced that can serve as pneumatic tubes for transporting people through town.

I only joke that Skye is a Mary Sue of Skye. I don't actually think she's a stand-in for one of the show's writers, but she ticks off nearly every box on the Idealized Self checklist.

Unusual or exotic name or appearance - check
Attractive - check
Possessive of exceptional abilities - probably check
Extremely talented in some or many skills or fields of study - check
Readily loved, accepted and admired by protagonists - check
Close relationship to author's favorite character - I'll call that Coulson, check
No detrimental flaws - check
Endearing flaws - check
Dramatic backstory - big, fat check

Also, as someone who did indeed hate River Tam, I can say it isn't because she was a Mary Sue. River wasn't a Mary Sue. I hated River Tam because she had a crippling mental disability that didn't really appear to cripple her in any meaningful way and occasionally turned her into a ninja for mysterious reasons. Most of the characters in the show were afraid of her or impatient toward her because she was a burden and a frustrating cipher who fluctuated between semi-lucid catatonic and batpoop crazy like a huge baby. She wasn't so much a person as she was a speed bump filled with land mines. Just a boring lump on the ground until she explodes.

I just steal them out of lobbies and waiting rooms or off of receptionists' desks.

If The Clairvoyant turns out to be Skye's father, mother, sibling, Tyler Durden-esque alter ego or some other variation of Darth Vader, I might have to demote this show to Hulu-viewing-when-I-get-around-to-it. If Coulson turns out to be Skye's father or it turns out she's half-Asgardian (regardless of whether she's Sif's brat or half-sister or some other dumb thing) I'll be about as underwhelmed as I was when I learned she might have super powers (because, of course she might.) Now, if it turns out she's somehow the unholy offspring of Beverly Switzler and Howard the Duck, I think I'd actually be totally cool with that.

...and then the revelation came that Skye, the beautiful, expert computer hacker who everyone loves despite her dark and mysterious past, even Agent May who had finally come to accept how vital and important Skye was to the team, was born with super powers, a secret so dangerous an entire village and a team of SHIELD agents died, except for one guy who didn't so he could reveal the truth of Skye's mysterious past, to protect her from the shadowy group who would use her powers for evil..." typed the crazy, homeless SHIELD groupie on a broken laptop she found in a dumpster from the back of her van behind that shawarma joint where the Avengers ate that one time.

My Mary Sue theory isn't looking so crazy now is it? I'm with pres man on the eye-rolling. That reveal didn't make me mad. It just didn't surprise me, and I saw it coming from pretty much episode 1.

Donnie Gill/Blizzard coulda been worse. It went down pretty much how I figured it would. The kid playing Donnie did fine, and I expected the character overhaul. I just hope he's got some kind of costume the time next we see him. It doesn't have to be the one from the comics, but something more than just some guy in a pullover and slacks would be nice.

Are you talking about a live or dead troglodyte? Troglodytes smell bad even when they aren't upset, just not enough to force a Fort save. Also, according to an old Dragon magazine article (#235, 1996) about the ecology of trogs, suppressing or masking a troglodyte's musk is like cutting out its tongue. Large parts of the troglodyte language, including their names, are made up of scents they emit from their bodies. The article says they don't even make maps because they basically just fart everywhere they go like ants following scent markers. Over half the thing's vocabulary would vanish if you cast Negate Aroma on it (this could be really useful if you're fighting a group of trogs who need to communicate with each other to coordinate their attacks.)

Of course, you can forget all that if you don't use material published nearly 20 years ago. I'm just one of those people who often does.

Obviously it's time for The AntAgonizer, the wizard Grelok and the Man-Saurian to team up against Grognak. Perhaps the three of them can release the Virgin Eater from its lair and then attack Grognak while he is distracted?

I had a Nintendo Power subscription throughout most of the NES and Super NES era. When Link to the Past came out, they started featuring this pretty awesome comic.

Setup: The characters have spent levels 1-16 discovering clues, recovering powerful macguffins and preparing for the final, entire-campaign-world-on-the-line battle with a red dragon demigod (think Alduin the World Eater from Skyrim if Alduin was actually, you know, difficult to kill.) The GM's girlfriend and two of his best friends were clearly the "stars" of the campaign and their PCs were being groomed by the GM to be the special snowflakes upon the whole of creation depended. Throughout the course of the campaign, the other six players and myself were treated like glorified NPCs, cohorts at best.

We finally get to the final battle and the GM tells us right out of the gate we have about 10 rounds to kill the dragon god before he destroys the world. The GM gives us plenty of time to prepare so, ever the supportive toady, I suggest everyone dump all their best buffs onto the chosen ones while I stay close enough to inspire them with my performance. They've got all the god-killing macguffins so they're our only hope and all that jazz. The fight starts and the GM goes down the list of combatants asking what we want to do.

(paraphrased)

GM: The Dragon God-thingy goes first. He runs his mouth about how you're too late, etc. etc. and breathes fire on everyone. Roll saves, take damage.

GM's GF: Charges forward, does roguey thing.

GM's BF#1: Charges forward, does fightery thing.

GM's BF#2: Charges forward does clericy thing.

The league of second bananas: Half-heartedly pretend their actions will have any effect on the battle.

Me: "I run up behind the Rogue, Fighter and Cleric heroes and drop my portable hole into my bag of holding. I've never liked this world much anyway."

GM: *stunned silence*

GM's GF: "What does that mean?"

GM's BF#1: flips the hell out, screaming and throwing dice

GM's BF#2: "You d---."

Totally worth it.

It also has the same starting letters as "Light My Doobie" too.

Coulson confirmed as a pothead.

Wow! Medical marijuana can cure anything!

I like the theory that Stan is secretly Uatu the Watcher.

The one I ask Why is Lifeforce. Based on an OK novel called Space Vampires by Colin Wilson (which I read years before they turned it into a movie), they radically changed the theme of the book to fit the traditional vampire themes.

Because it turned out to be awesome.

If the new Mad Max movie revitalizes the post-apocalyptic road flick, I'd like to see a more faithful remake of Roger Zelazny's Damnation Alley with Kurt Russell as Hell Tanner, though Ron Perlman would be a close runner up.

I'd love to see The Years of Rice and Salt done as a television series.

Basically, it's an alternate history of an Earth where the Black Plague wiped out 99% of Europe, leaving China and the Middle East the only empires left to explore and colonize the planet. What makes it really interesting is the story uses Eastern philosophical conventions to tell the story from the point of view of a group of souls who are reincarnated over the course of several centuries. Sometimes the souls are reincarnated as family, friends or enemies and one time one is even reincarnated as a tiger because he was kind of a tool in his previous life. Each season could use the same actors playing different roles in a different one of the ten time periods the book uses.

Unfortunately, I don't think it could ever get made in the U.S. It's way too hard a sell. Aside from the constantly changing settings and characters, there is only one white person in the entire story and it's a nameless, female slave who is only mentioned in one sentence. Another thing is there's basically no Jesus. Without Europeans to spread Christianity, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims take over the world. Advertisers wouldn't go anywhere near it. Imagine the bloodbath as the collective heads of the commentators on Fox and Friends simultaneously exploded from the notion of a world without white people and Jesus.

It would be glorious.

You're Solomon?

Wait...sorry, thought I saw an "L" in there. Carry on.

Anyone else see this yet? Just watched it last night. It...well...it was pretty not terrible. There were a lot of neat ideas and cool monsters, but it was hard to get attached to nearly any of the characters. Most of the characters are one dimensional, and so little time is spent with any of them I never really felt sad to see any of them meet their eventual inevitable end. The one exception was Rinku Kikuchi's shapeshifting kitsune witch, who was just so sexy and evil and awesome. She's sort of the secondary villain, but I think she actually has more lines and more scenes than anyone else in the movie. It makes me wonder if there was an early draft of the film told from her perspective.

Keanu Reeve's half-breed Kai, turns out to be sort of a secondary character too. There's a whole plot with him being in love with his lord's daughter, but the trailers make the mistake of making it sound like he's the great white hope of the ronin when he's initially brought along because his supernatural origin evens the odds against the kitsune's witchcraft. Kai does help out a lot, but the ronin carry just as much weight and their leader Oishi gets a lot more to do than Kai.

47 Ronin is a better movie than a lot of critics are saying, but it falls short of being truly great. If nothing else, it's a good flick for any gamers looking for inspiration for a Tian Xia adventure. The tengu look awesome and the dragon in the finished film looks much better than the one in the trailers. Also, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (aka Shang Tsung) plays the shogun, so that's pretty sweet.

If they just used Egghead's actual name, Elihas Starr, he could be the villain. Somebody, maybe even Pym or Lang, might constantly call him Egghead as a joke that finally tips him over the edge and leads to him becoming a villain.

I'd like The Controller show up as Ant-Man's adversary. The Controller's abilities are almost like an evil, funhouse mirror version of Ant-Man's. Pym uses his helmet to control ants but, unless, they're smashed during a fight, the ants are unharmed. The Controller, on the other hand, actually leeches strength from the people controlled by his slave discs to give himself super strength and durability. The Controller's also got a tie to Thanos who upgraded his tech so he could fight the Avengers. Maybe they'll save him for phase 3.

If Jan gets into the movie, it would be nice if they left her skills as a fashion designer intact. She had somewhere around 40 different costumes so it'd be neat to see a reference to that. With what Wright said about having both Pym and Lang in the film though, I wonder if we'll end up with an older Janet and, perhaps, Cassie Lang becomes her replacement by the end of the movie? I doubt it would happen and I'm not sure I would like that but, hey, Pym doesn't build Ultron in this universe so what the hell.