Traveller Smurf's page

"I like cats," Karrin says, "but they do have a tendency to kill anything smaller then themselves. You every try giving this cat some catnip? They go insane for that stuff!"

Traveller Smurf ponders this idea.

"I have never smurfed this 'catnip' you smurf of. Perhaps if I can get my smurfs on some I can use it to distrct Azriel."

"Do cats normally eat smurfs?"

Traveller Smurf stops the mumbledy-peg and takes a sip of his port.

"Only the really mean ones."

"What's an Azriel?" Karrin asks. Her own butter knife banging into the table with a quick rhythmic thumping. "That sounds like a demon or a devil."

Traveller Smurf shudders again, but keeps his spread hand steady.

"Imagine a cat that was the size of ten smurfs. Give him a taste for smurf blood and a master that was looking to capture smurfs so that he could smurf lead into gold with our boiled smurfs. Definately not a smurfy duo."

Traveller Smurf increases the speed of his small dagger. The small sliver of steel dances between his spread fingers like a trout leapping over rocks in a stream.

"As a small smurf in a big world you have to be quick, else you will most smurfly be dead. I once had to fight off three Dire Moles that smurfed out right from under my smurf while I was smurfing in the Great Forest. Then of course there is Azriel."

Traveller Smurf shudders.

aveller, have you asked Sarinda about this place you saw? She might be able to help you.

Traveller Smurf looks up at Saurig.

"That's a smurfy idea! I'll have to smurf her the next time she smurfs around."

"S'ok," Karrin says taking another swig of the port, "there are all sorts out there, and we only just met. I was gonna show you a knife trick is all," Karrin says as she places her hand on the table and spreads her fingers and holds up a butter knife gently stabbing between her fingers to demonstrate what she had in mind.

Traveller Smurf claps his hands in delight

"Mumblety-smurf! I used to play that with Grumpy Smurf all the time! He always lost, that's why we smurfed him Grumpy Smurf. It was either that or Stump-finger Smurf."

Traveller Smurf unhooks a tiny dagger from his belt and expertly stabs it along his spread hand to show Karrin, Zigel and Saurig his skill.

Traveller Smurf puts out a placating hand.

"Now now, lets not argue about who smurfed who. There is port to smurf, and good provender to smurf as well. Let us smurf, smurf , and be smurfy."

"You have both lost your homes when you journeyed here? That is hard luck. It was much easier for me- I am out among the planes on a search for someone of great importance to my homelands. I had time to prepare for my journey, which you were not able to do. How do you find your way if you are so lost? Knowing how to return home allows a being to stay on course, physicaly and even morally."

"Traveller, you say you have only just arrived? Perhaps we can find you a way to return to your village. Tell me, what did you first see when you realised you were no longer home?"

Traveller Smurf looks up at his large reptilian frined.

"I ended up in this big round room with all these smurf-looking jugs, bottles and smurfs all about. This big fellow who looked a smurf like you was talking to this littler guy and they smurfed through another glowing smurf. I smurfed after them and I ended up in the smurfway that led here."

Opening Scene: A dark tunnel complex somewhere deep with a large mountain

A small kobold in his cave dances in front of a full-length mirror. He has been alone since his clutch-mates and the elders of his tribe banished him for dyeing his scales black and red, donning a poofy purple and gold tunic, expressing admiration for all things Gnomish, and dabbling in Glittergold-worship.

The unamused Kurtulmak-fearing residents of his complex will have nothing to do with him now. With his treasured sonic recording crystal warbling out the latest song from the Gnomish diva darling of the Weightly Brass music scene Marilyn Gnomeson he dances in front of his mirror alone, dressed in purple and gold Gnome clothing.

Pictures of little blue creatures line his damp walls, all of their eyes cut out. A small voice from within a large bucket on his nearby table wails out, "Mister? Please smurf me go mister."

The small kobold dances on, heedless of the small creature's cries. He turns to the mirror and looks at himself in wonder. His scaly face is covered in blue makeup, the empty jar at his feet. A large white hat lies jammed on his narrow skull. The large mushroom he wrenched from the floor of the cave next door is cradled in his arms like the sword he usually carries.

He croons absently to himself as the accordions and tubas of Marilyn Gnomeson's band play on.

"I'd smurf me ... I'd smurf me sooo hard."

as zigel slowly enjoys his drink savoring the taste he notices the small blue person. "odd looking fellow he things to himself,strange way of talking"

"Sm*rf was it. From what plane or world you you hail, From ribcage myself. I do not know of your kind. And yes the smell is excellent is it not."

on a tangent: Smurf

Traveller Smurf looks bewildered

"Plane? World? I come from Smurf Forest, where my village is. I was just smurfing along, minding my own smurfness, when this big glowing smurf opened up and smurfed me here."

Traveller Smurf takes the thimble-sized glass and warms it in his hands.

"OO. Smells very smurf."

He takes a sip.

"I think this is absolutely smufy! A real smurfy taste with undertones of smurf. Excellent."

Traveller Smurf looks happy

"Well smurf me up with some then!"

Traveller Smurf looks up at his new friend

"I just SMURF anything made from fruit. It wouldn't happen to have Smurfberries in it would it?"

I am partial to a beverage called 'port' myself. The various vintages have a pleasing sweetness and aroma without being overly potent. May I order one for you?

Traveller Smurf smiles widely

"Absosmurfly! In fact I think I smurf the waitress coming now."

Traveller Smurf looks thoughtful

"I only just had some flower nectar a few hours ago before I went looking for that smurf who looked like you. The girl there drinks something called 'grog', but I don't smurf what that is."

Traveller Smurf looks up at the large scaly fellow.

"Pleased to smurf you! I am Traveller Smurf, a lost traveller from a distant smurf. I was smurfing for a being who looked like you. I can't seem to smurf him. The large lady who serves owes me a couple of drinks, would you like a smurf?"

Traveller Smurf looks down at himself.

"What do you smurf?"

Traveller Smurf shrugs his small blue shoulders.

"Maybe smurf. She didn't say smurf about it, she was too smurfy smurfing her tea."

Traveller Smurf looks at the new arrival

"Sure thing! More the merrier I say. There were some people here, but now it's just these two."

Traveller Smurf points to the two tieflings.

"There was a little human girl here too, but I think she went to check on her robo ... whatever a 'robo' is."

A diminutive blue form skitters about the legs of the patrons of the World Serpent Inn. Undaunted by their large size, the heroic creature jinks and weaves a torturous path as he avoids feet, paws, hooves and other various means of locomotion.

After vainly searching for hours for the reptilian creature he had seen when he first arrived at this strange place, he eventually gets tired. He makes his way back to the table where he had talked to some of the big folk before, panting and puffing from the time spent navigating the floor of the inn. He shinnies up the table leg with surprising dexterity and arrives at the top of the talbe.

"Holy Papa Smurf that's a long trip! Hey, could someone get that big lady with the drinks?"

Here is no smurf but only smurf
smurf and no smurf and the sandy smurf
The smurf winding above among the smurfs
Which are smurfs of smurf without smurf
If there were smurfs we should stop and smurf
Amongst the smurfs one cannot stop or smurf
Smurf is dry and smurfs are in the sand
If there were only smurfs amongst the smurf
Dead smurf mouth of smurfy teeth that cannot smurf
Here one can neither smurf nor smurf nor smurf
There is not even smurf in the smurfs
But dry sterile smurfs without smurf
There is not even smurf in the smurfs
But blue sullen smurfs sneer and snarl
From doors of mudcracked mushrooms
If there were smurfs

--The Smurfland. T.S. Smurfalot

What would be the stats on a kobold with the Smurf template? Inquiring smurfs want to know!

The Smurf in Black smurfed across the smurf, and the smurfslinger smurfed.

The smurf was the apotheosis of all smurfs; huge, standing to the sky for what looked eternity in all directions.

Traveller Smurf finishes his thimble of nectar and looks around the table.

"It seems I will have to find the two large folk I smurfed to this tavern. Perhaps they will smurf how to get me home."

Traveller Smurf looks up at the group

"Could someone give me a smurf down to the floor?"

Young sprite, can you attempt to elucidate without resorting to your smurf word?"

Traveller Smurf looks up at Renkar

"I can try, I guess. I really just want to go home. I smur ...err ..miss it."

<Looks at Renkar.>

"That's quite the affectation he has."

<To the Smurf.>

"Well, smurf us how you smurfed into smurf smurf. We are very smurf to smurf."

Traveller Smurf gazes up at Vik

"Not to cast aspersions on your smurf sir, but smurfs like that are usually not aired in polite company."

A big smile spreads across Karrin's face as she looks down at the Smurf.

"He adorable," Karrin says, "Hello there little guy what's your name? My name is Karrin Kind!" Karrin brings her face very close to the small creature . . .

Traveller Smurf looks up into the large smiling face of Karrin and a tentative smile crosses his face.

"My name is Traveller Smurf ma'am." he says bashfully

Traveller Smurf looks around the table

"I am a Smurf, we live in a big forest. Like my smurf says, I do a lot of smurfing around the forest, keeping a smurf out for our enemies. I was just smurfing back to my village when I came here. I have never smurfed to a big folk's tavern before. Are they always so full of different smurfs of folk?"

Traveller Smurf looks down

"My mount didn't smurf it here with me. I hope Eggbert will be okay."

Their favored class is the Flumph-Rider prestige class, from WotC's Races of Flanders.

I would so give my left smurf for a riding flumph. I would call him Eggbert.

O SMURFTAIN! my Smurftain! our fearful smurf is done;
The smurf has weather’d every smurf, the smurf we sought is won;
The smurf is near, the smurfs I hear, the smurfs all exulting,
While follow smurfs the steady smurf, the vessel smurf and daring:
But O smurf! smurf! smurf!
O the smurfing drops of smurf,
Where on the smurf my smurftain lies,
Fallen smurf and dead.

O Smurftain. Walt Smurfman

Traveller Smurf looks up at the large frowning face of Sharinda.

"I am truly smurfy about the mess ma'am."

Traveller Smurf reaches into his pocket.

"I do have one of those shiny yellow rocks you big folk love so much, will that pay for a drink?"

Traveller Smurf pulls a large gold nugget from his pocket. Oddly, the nugget is almost half his size, which begs the question of how it fit in his pocket in the first place.

Vik offers the smurf a finger to pull him out of the water, then a hanky.

"Having a little trouble small fellow?"

Traveller Smurf grabs Vik's finger and hauls his sodden blue self out of the water coughing and shivering miserably. He takes the proferred hanky and begins to rub himself down vigorously.

"Smurf you kind sir. I am smurfy that I smurfed all you you kind folks with water, but whatever the smurf that smurfing sauce was felt like a 3rd degree smurfburn."

Traveller Smurf attempts to reblock his bedraggled hat.

"I am smurfy to disturb you all, but I was smurfing through the forest towards my village when this strange shimmering light smurfed all around me. The next thing I smurf, I was in this strange room with two large folk. I smurfed along behind them as they came to this tavern. I am just looking for directions back smurf."

The tiny blue creature, receiving no reply to his query from the prone form of Eir, decides to try his luck elsewhere. He climbs back down the table leg and begins to dodge the various feet of the inn's patrons. He spies the table where Serpico, Vik, Karrin, Ashura and Renkar sit. Since these five look fairly friendly he decides to investigate. Reaching the table, he climbs the leg. He flips himself over the lip of the table, only to land in a spilled puddle of Efreeti's Tears hot sauce.

"Excuse me, but ... ow, oww, oww OW OWWW OWWWW!!!!

The tiny blue creature begins to howl and cavort among the flensed chicken bones on the table, his cries almost too shrill to understand.

"Smurf it off me ... SMURF IT OFF ME!

The tiny blue creature makes a beeline for the neglected lemon-wedge filled water pitcher at the center of the table. Executing a standing leap three times his own height, the tiny blue creature cannonballs into the almost-full pitcher, spraying the table's occupants with water.

The Second Smurfing

by W. B. Smurfs

Ah. I smurf corrected. Say, what's that wolverine doing strapped to a battering smurf?

Smurfing and smurfing in the smurfing smurf

The smurf cannot hear the smurfer;
Things smurf apart; the smurf cannot SMURF;
Mere anarchy is smurfed upon the smurf,
The blue-dimmed smurf is smurfed, and everywhere
The ceremony of smurfiness is smurfed;
The smurfs lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate smurfensity.

Was that 'The Smurfland' by T.S. Smurfiot?

The tiny blue creature darts and weaves among the strange feet of the many big creatures sitting, drinking and playing games through the common room. He shinnies up a table leg and manages to arrive at the top of the table where Eir sits with her fresh coffee.

"excuse me ma'am. Could you tell me where in the smurf this place is?"

The tiny blue creature skitters after Phoebus and Smokey as they walk down the hallway towards the loud sounds of the common room. As they round the corner, the tiny creature beholds the wonder and chaos that is the World Serpent Inn

"Where the smurf am I?"