|Todd Stewart Contributor|
Ilsetsya’s list of things that we must all do once we’ve earned some universal good will after defeating Makmurion:
1) Get plastered. This probably doesn’t warrant being on this list since it’s something that I’ll be doing anyway, but for good measure it remains on the list.
2) Punch a walrus*. Those snaggletoothed suckers have had it coming for a long time.
*Siorm wildshaped into a Walrus technically counts. However, I’ve already sort of magically suckerpunched Siorm one too many times this month for my own liking, so I’d like to avoid this being an option that we go with.
3) Have someone else in the party take the Hagfish challenge back in Sandpoint
4) Waste said good will by burning it all, metaphorically speaking, in a night of wanton feel-good mayhem that must include at least one building burning to the ground not metaphorically speaking so that we can make snow-angels in the ashes.
5) Defile at least two more idols of Lamashtu. For my purposes, I may be calling someone Lamashtu for an evening. Less said about this the better. I need to keep up my thin veneer of innocence in public or in front of my adventuring companions. Wait. I actually wrote that down. Damn. Hey, at least I won’t be calling any of you Lamashtu or any other pet names. Don’t judge me!
6) Snort a line of pesh off of a sleeping maralith’s tail. This one is dangerous and will require some planning. She must be encountered in the flesh, on the planes, or else called physically. Summoning doesn’t count.
7) Visit the Maelstrom and make a sacrifice to Ssila’meshnik the Colorless Lord. Ssila’meshnik is pretty flexible as to what constitutes a sacrifice, so in return for the loose to nonexistent strictures there, be imaginative!
8) Next big city we visit, spend some gold to get Hajime laid so that he won’t be an aristocratic stick in the mud quite so much.
9) Bender for all of us at the Velvet Imentesh in Galisemni. This will require me getting a hold of planeshifting magic. Easier said than done. If you help me get there I’ll pay the resulting bar/food/escort tab.
10a) Get Ketra drunk
10b) Get Ketra drunk and ride around on her back while being equally tipsy, doing my best Karn impression!
11) Develop a spell that transmutes water to alcohol, including the water content of food. Hijinks ensue at the next orchard or bakery I find.
12) Memorize nothing for a day but sending spells. Proceed to drunk cold call anyone that has ever pissed me off. Have someone take notes because assuming I survive (if they happen to be a fiend or an evil wizard capable of teleporting or planeshifting) I won’t remember much of anything.
13) Visit a certain man about a certain thing. Purple frogs be damned, I’m not letting that slide.
14) That other thing. At that place. Formerly known as that other place. Stupid super secret fey club. She too damn smug for her own good. It’s a shame that she’s such a spectacular flute player, and a leanan sidhe. I still don’t know what her problem is. Is it the feathers? Is it the scales? The hooves? The penchant for babbling randomly about esoteric subjects? Or just the fact that when she’d had too much to drink and asked me to be a friend and hold her hair back during that one party back in Galisemni I did so and then promptly barfed all over her back. I said I was sorry. Jeez.
15) See #13.
16) Buy ‘I’m so very sorry it won’t happen again’ presents for everyone in the party that I’ve accidentally hit with my spells. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it does need to be unique and/or heartfelt. I’m open to suggestions.
17) What happens if you cast knock on a kyton? This is an important question. Actually, no. Every question is important, though the answers might not be. Still, this is deserving of in-depth research.
18) Pretend to be a dragon and roll around on a bed of coins. Clearly there’s something to that whole thing. Otherwise every single dragon in existence wouldn’t have a thing for doing just that. This too is an interesting question that deserves answers.
19) Summon mephit. Transmute mephit to chocolate. Devour said chocolate mephit.
20) Send money, interesting stories, or nifty items to various paramours. They aren’t sick of me yet, so bank on that fact and make their lives interesting.
21) Donate money to the Church of Milani, courtesy of the Cult of Ssila’meshnik.
22) Buy a wand of cure something something wounds. Don’t eat the magic in this one. I do wonder what it tastes like though.
23) Learn brevity when it comes to making lists of things that you want to do.
24) Laugh at the notion of self-control. Laugh at it haha! Screw you self-control! Screw you moderation! You can’t stop me! None of you fools can! Mwahahaha!