The Witch Hunter General's page

Stern lecture.

Post arriving a minute too late, long after the Runelord has already presciently departed.

Apologies for the distraction, Lord Wesley of Ustalav. As you can see, I am a man of reason and sophistication, in the best traditions of Molthune. There has been some call for my skills in Mendev of late, where the locals seem singularly uninformed as to the true nature of evil, and to be being played for dupes by various cunning fiends.
I can see at a glance that you are just a big softie, really, at heart.
<Ambles off whistling a Varisian air.>

And the Queen of Mendev is technically a POLITICIAN, but that proves nothing about her. A little less stereotyping and jumping to conclusions, please.

Wesley F. Schneider wrote:

A lot of rubbish stuff.

Hey, you. I've got a little list. You'll none of you be missed.

Umm, although my boss might let you off. He seems waaayy too easy going these days.
I tell him 'That Wesley F. Schneider is a black dragon in league with the powers of hell, whom we really need to burn at the stake like a giant vertical spit roast and he just quirks an eyebrow and says "Hmmm, well where's your proof?"'

Well where is your proof?

Spy's are Irrelevant and flawed

We have assimilated the collective knowledge of 8 species
All there knew we know
All they ever were we now are
You understand nothing
You are small, weak minded creatures
You do not understand perfection
You are flawed
You will fail
We endure
You will adapt to serve us
Resistance is Futile

<collects and distributes more pop tarts>

<sighs>
You seem a handy toaster, amongst other things, but you really might want to keep that assimilation to the off-topic area. This is one of those threads which is sacred ground, bound by the traditions of thousands of posts.
Please do not trample Mammy's blue grass, unless you want to get a lot of folks' danders up.

Your Pigeons are Irrelevant

They shall fall before the collectives shielding
Your attacks are flawed
Resistance is Futile

Just to be helpful to you, those aren't pigeons, they're Yugoloths in disguise, the most NE fiends in the multiverse. That's right they make even Gordon Gecko or Cruella Deville look like charitable guardinals. You don't assimilate them. They let you think that you've assimilated them, but in reality they've assimilated you, and unlike a Paizomatrix, they will suck you dry and then toss you aside when your usefulness to them as finished; they're pure poison I tell you.

But what do I know? I'm only a Witch Hunter General with decades of dealing with wily outer planar beings. And please don't bother to try to assimilate me. I traded my soul to a certain lady a decade or so ago, and she might get angry if you tried to take liberties with me given her prior claim.
There are very few things worse than Yugoloths. The 7 eldest elemental evils are one of them. The lady I traded my soul to is another of them.
Oh, and the pop-tarts are done, nicely I see.
<extracts the pop-tarts from the slot in the PaizoMatix's back, and starts passing them out to guests>

Ayup.

adjusting bulette steaks

If anyone likes their landshark rare, they'd better come and get it now....
And would someone please deal with any 'rare and endangered species' busybodies that show up in the next half dozen posts? The bulette should be unrecognisable after that. You would not believe the official hassle that those species officials give you over devilled Tarrasque eggs, claiming that the thing is so rare that it ought to be allowed to hermaphroditically reproduce itself...

Hmmm. I seem to be the victim of some PMG humour... Or perhaps it's just te smoke. Did you put anything 'herbal' on this barbecue, Mammy?

Anyway, landshark steaks are served, well and truly charcoaled.

adjusting bulette steaks
If anyone likes their landshark rare, they'd better come and get it now....
And would someone please deal with any 'rare and endangered species' busybodies that show up in the next half dozen posts? The bulette should be unrecognisable after that. You would not believe the official hassle that those species officials give you over devilled Tarrasque eggs, claiming that the thing is so rare that it ought to be allowed to hermaphroditically reproduce itself...

Gravitates towards the barbecue area and starts sizzling steaks....

Anyway, I have business on another thread that requires my attention.
Fare well for now.

If you ever have a problem with suspected evil sorceresses (or sorcerers for that matter) I would be pleased to serve.
I have a flunkie who sometimes ambles around the threads, trying to get into trouble.

Ah! My long lost twin brother, and now you have your own realm!

<helps himself to a strong rum punch, pointedly 'off duty' on this thread>

'But boss, he is green'.

<pitiful whine.>

And so are you, but do I insist that you eat yourself?

Now come along, and leave the frog cultist to admire his own reflection. If he want's to risk being grabbed by a Minaurian Doppleganger Hamster, and dragged off into unspeakable dimensions, that is his concern entirely. We have other threads to check for the suspicious and the malevolent.

Remain vigilent, Mr. Frog Cultist, and do not fall for the wiles of evil, and I shall not feel obliged to allow my flunkie to divert himself from the diet of strictly 'greens' which I have had to put him on for his own good.

Have you been neglecting to eat your druids again?

Hmmm. You do not appear dangerous to the fabric of society, or at least no more so than a bevy of Spice Girls, say.

Oy!

Inspects frog cultist.

Be you a worshipper of foul baaztezu, yugoloths, tanar'ri, or a follower of Peter Mandelson?

Ah, hillbillys; I recall the fine branflakes adverts that they used to produce for Kelloggs.
Casually drops a cask of moonshine 'confiscated' from a witch three weeks earlier and pointedly ignores it.

F. Wesley Schneider wrote:

Mary Yamato wrote:

After having problems with this in RotRL and CotCT, my group will no longer consider playing an AP until all issues are in hand. So, little to no commentary for another 4 months.

That said, unless it's significantly different from its summary I don't think we can play SD as written; to us it seems to have severe problems with PC and player motivation. Maybe it can be adapted in some way to work. But trying to adapt something we've only got 1/6 of in hand definitely sounds like a bad idea.

Mary

Bah, you're doing that whole "give the players a choice" thing, aren't you? I just read the adventures straight out of the book to my players. Way easier.

(In a whiny voice)<Boss! The prehistoric black dragon is at it again, really, come and look; he's saying badwrongfun again!>

[exasperation] It's late at night in the US, and the esteemed managing editor simply appears to have left the smiley emoticons (or other appropriate indications) out of his post to indicate that it's humorous; perfectly understandable. Now if you can't find any real witches or warlocks for me to try, go find some apple scrumpers, instead. [/exasperation]

(Apologies for the threadjack; I trust that numerous fell drow sorcerers, witches, and warlocks are due to get their richly deserved comeuppance in the Second Darkness campaign, details of which you are currently issuing.)

Butterfrog wrote:

Request for Legar action against thread thievery

Pointy accusing finger and shout of 'WARLOCK!'

Response of 'nonsense, now get back on UFO hunting duty'.

<Tosses the poodles a couple of raw steaks, then heads off with rather more gravitas hunting for his errant minion.>

F. Wesley Schneider wrote:

Personally I think plots tend to bog down the adventures...

I'll bog YOU down!

My apologies for the intrusion, Lord Jacobs. But if you do need someone to carry out an examination of the suspected heretical, feel free to drop me a line; My colleague, the PostMonster General can put you in touch with me.

F. Wesley Schneider wrote:

Personally I think plots tend to bog down the adventures...

Boss. We've got a suspected agent of Wizards of the Coast here, who's infiltrated Paizo and is spreading 'plots suck' propaganda.

You think a creature *THAT* size could 'infiltrate' anywhere? The fellow may prefer more elemental forms of RPG fun, but he is clearly not a spy or agent provocateur.

Now get back to work looking for some *real* threats to society, like traffic cone breeders.