The Witch Hunter General's page

...you reviewed EVERY LAST COUNTRY in round 2 of the first RPGSuperstar contest.

Ahh, yes, the year with the blink-dogs...

Yes, well, the less said about our pursuit of that particular Absalom myth, the better. I still haven't washed the sewer slime out my my second best cape.
But the point is, it's obvious that mischief is afoot and we need to go and hunt it down and root it out. Plus we have a surplus of kindling we need to clear out of our stores, and a bonfire or two is always good at this time of year.
Come, my flunkie! Let us go and seek out and put to the match evil wherever it lurks, in whichever of its numerous seductive guises.
<swirls cape dramatically, departs thread>

Anyway, not to belabour a point, but the villainous little chit of a girl - or woman - or crone... well whatever she was, this has her fingerprints all over it. It's the orbital Azlanti platform, you know, 'Griffon's Nest'. With its mind control crystal. She's obviously tracked that down and is causing mischief with it.

Well you know... Oh, well perhaps you don't there were three of them I'm sure. There always are, don't you know... The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. I'm pretty sure I burnt two of them at the stake, but that the other one got away. But, mmmm, I'm not sure which one that was.

Unless, of course they've demolished Mammy's shack to build this monstrosity in its place.
Ah, the evils of urban sprawl, and modern 'redevolpmenjt' projects.
This has that little Andoren minx's fingerprints all over it, you know.

Well obviously not. Mammy Graul is a fine figure of an... ahem... 'woman', and there is a shortage of barbecues and cans of moonshine.

Oh, wait, you are my flunkie!
You know it's been a long time since we saw one another.

Not now, I'm looking for my flunkie...

Hmm. You know I could have sworn I left my minion somewhere around here.
<looks left and right, up and down>

Inquisitors? Excellent. They appreciate that knowledge is power, and that Knowledge (The Planes) means you know exactly where to put a silver glaive to make an arch-fiend squirm.
However, I trust it will be made suitably clear that witches are, by and large, even more evil than assassins - and should be terminated with extreme prejudice and all possible speed by all true heroes.

I visited the Paizo boards four years ago, shortly after subscribing to Dragon and Dungeon, to ask a question about Greyhawk related stuff. I had tried the identical question over on the WotC boards and just got talked down to. Here, the question was answered in a timely manner and further suggestions of resources were given.

After only a few weeks of visiting and posting nearly every day, I ended up meeting some extremely cool folks here and stuck around. Paizo, and the community here, got me more deeply involved in gaming. Before I started posting, I’d pretty much show up and play the game, didn’t hear about new products, didn’t go to the game store often and borrowed more materials than I had.

Because of these boards, this community and Paizo Publishing, I began freelancing. A few folks nudged me in the right direction and got me started pitching pieces to publishers (and free fanzines), and before long I hooked up with some of the best freelancers in the industry. From there things only got better. When I first started freelancing, my goal of goals was to do work for Paizo. When the magazines went away I was crushed as it looked like that goal was going to be much tougher to attain. I stuck it out and kept rocking out articles and adventures and just this year the goal of goals was realized.

In short, without Paizo my games wouldn’t be as good, I wouldn’t have a kick ass online community to talk with, I wouldn’t have met the amazing friends I’ve made over the years and I probably wouldn’t be writing RPG material. Thanks to everyone!

** spoiler omitted **

Mental/emotional health warning:

That's a relief.
The Witch Hunter General glances at position of sun in the sky.
There's time to have another forty winks, I think, before going off on business again.
He makes himself comfortable, and drifts back off to sleep.

Huh, what????
The Witch Hunter General wakes up suddenly.

Hmmph. I can see the start of a response quoting The Witch Hunter General, when I moused over the OTD 'most recent post' but the thread seems to be suffering from a bout of invisible-postitis and I can't see it in the thread.

Perhaps I can gather clues elsewhere, the Witch Hunter General says. My thanks for your time, and answers, Great Erl.
He nods and leaves the grove.

Edit:
Ah, now the post by Kobold Cleaver has appeared. Assume the Witch Hunter General was too deep in thought to hear Kobold Cleaver inside his orb.

The Witch Hunter General ponders awhile, then shakes his head, slowly.
I am somewhat behind in things. Have you heard anything of where Acme was last known to be?

Acme? the Witch Hunter General frowns. You mean the barkeep of the former Club Calistria? Are you certain he left no clues as to where he may have gone afterwards?

The Witch Hunter General arrives at the Grove of Ancients. He glances around at the ancient trees, and addresses them and the grove in general.
I have been attempting to follow my Flunkie's trail, to determine what may have happened to him, and after a false lead in the Abyss, it has led me here. As far as I can know, this may have been the last spot that anyone saw my Flunkie. Is anyone in a position to confirm whether he made it here, what passed if he did, and where he may have gone afterwards?

Then employ a scribe to keep track of such things for you.
The Witch Hunter General shrugs and departs.

Edit:
You promised me you would dimensionally lock your throne room, keyed to prevent travel by fiends save for your tribble servants in and out, the Witch Hunter General glances sharply at the Demon Lord of Tribbles. You permitted her to escape.
No matter. The temptress' ignorance seemed sincere, and whilst I shall eagerly seek to dispatch her again should our paths cross, I shall not bother to go out of my way to hunt such small fry down.

The Witch Hunter General carefully watches Ashaundra's technique, using the greater reach of his bastard sword to good effect in the open terrain of the demon-lord's throne room. He only exerts himself if she tries to spread her wings to get airborne, occasionally dimension-dooring again, or at other times clicking his boots together for just long enough for a sudden burst of speed to nip around Ashaundra's flanks and slash at her wings.
My dear. If you mistake me for a do-gooder your sister and her friends must have beaten what sense you had out of your head. There is no room for mercy in dealing with witches and warlocks - only for justice.
I assume you know what happened to my my Flunkie, since he was last on his way to observe you, and nothing untoward is likely to have happened to him on the way, since he was making for the carnival via the relative safety of the Grove of the Ancients.

Not talking eh? Well no matter.
The Witch Hunter General utters a command word, dimension doors to behind where Ashaundra actually is and swings expertly for her neck.
He has some sort of true seeing effect currently running.

So, you can tell me what you have done with my Flunkie - a small green fellow with a list - and I shall let you go free on this occasion, or you can fight for your immortal existence.

He's on the side of tribbles, witch.
The Witch Hunter General emerges from the shadows, a silver bastard-sword crackling with lightning clapsed in his gloved hands.
Rather interestingly he tipped me off that you would be here, too. Something about being bored and wanting to see a fight.

On some distant plane...

Denied. Another foe has been born.

Hmmph. If I weren't engaged in a life-or-death-for-the-north-of-Avistan-struggle with Baba Yaga right now, I'd take the time out to come after you with a cold iron axe.

The hostess of this club has been kind to my assistant, so although dracoliches generally fall outside of my purview, I am repaying that debt as best I can.
Good day to you all.
He takes his books and scrolls and leaves.

The Witch Hunter General starts to gather up his various scrolls and books.
I have business elsewhere, which calls me away. Can I answer any other questions for you, before I go?

All this is well and good, but it seems that CL has taken on the powers of a Lord of the Board. Are there limits to that?

Yes and no.

The Witch Hunter General wrote:

See Spell Stowaway epic feat from SRD... I'm just trying to think of some additional powers here which Candle Lighter might have.

Rumours over which such spells Candle Lighter holds sway over vary over the years. It is possible that some of the records have been fabricated by his agents to mislead hunters, or that he has some means to adjust his attunement to such spells.

"To clarify something - if a spell is already active prior to coming within proximity of Candle Lighter, is it susceptible to the same thing, or only spells that are actually cast in his presence?"

According to what the books say, only ones cast in his presence. The books may be wrong, however, or he may have developed the ability above and beyond what is suspected.

But basically what all of this he waves an arm at the scrolls and books boils down to is that dragons are creatures of magic; undead ones even more so, and frankly trying to take most on with spells is a waste of time.
A large sledgehammer, preferably blessed by half a dozen gods, and a very fast maneuverable flying carpet are probably the best bet. Either that or a giant shaman who can lob consecrated boulders at you enemy from a way off.

See Spell Stowaway epic feat from SRD... I'm just trying to think of some additional powers here which Candle Lighter might have.
Rumours over which such spells Candle Lighter holds sway over vary over the years. It is possible that some of the records have been fabricated by his agents to mislead hunters, or that he has some means to adjust his attunement to such spells.

The Witch Hunter General concludes his plate of sandwiches, and pushes several silver florins across the bar as payment.
Now, a dracolich such as Candle Lighter has accumulated a good many rumours about his powers and protections over the years. One is that he has mastered an ability to derive benefit from a handful of spells if they are cast in his radius. For example if such a spell were the protective enchantment that creates a field of force about the caster to protect him, then every time in Candle Lighter's vicinity, a wizard worked such a spell, Candle Lighter would benefit from it too.

The Witch Hunter General enjoys a plate full of sandwiches, occasionally brshing crumbs off his scrolls and tomes.

The man pauses to order a sandwich.
My apologies for being so downcast with news; I am a hunter of witches by trade, and studying your enemy beforehand and having an aprreciation of their strengths and weaknesses is vital in my line of work.

The normal dracolich, the sages are all agreed, are immune to spells which change their shapes against their will, to the elemental power of electricity, and to the chill of supernatural cold. Depending upon the bravery and fortitude of the observer, most have a chance to paralyse you, should you happen to meet their gaze, or if they claw or bite you.
They can command lesser forms of undead, whilst their own minds are immune to most wizardly or clerical charms and enchantments. Bein creatures that do not live, they are immune to disease, and most necromantic energy simply makes them stronger. Moreover, they retain the use of their breath weapons and command a broad selection of spells.
Such are the abilities of a regular dracolich that the sages agree upon; they quibble over other aspects, and even in consensus there may be some uncertainty.
And Candle Lighter is a dracolich much more powerful and cunning than that. The spells that he commands and which he has woven about himself over the centuries for protection mean that you have very little hope of defeating him.
He has 'pawned' (although that seems a strange term on the lips) mighty heroes and villains across the worlds and decades, laying waste to cities and armies.
You can hope that you will perhaps be luckier than those who have tried before you.
You will almost certainly see some of your number slain, and perhaps raised as mockeries of life by the dracoich in the next moment to torment and harry you.
The Steel Tsar, formidable though he is, is just a distraction - he would not serve Candle Lighter unless Candle Lighter were far greater a power.
And even if you destroy Candle Lighter in battle, it is likely that his spirit will retreat to his phylactery to seek revenge against you at some later date.

The man begins spreading books and tomes around the private bar area, brushing stray glasses from last night aside.

The man in the garb of a military officer returns, looking slightly guilty. He has various scrolls and books tucked under one arm.
I gather that the open season on heroes started today - which may be why Candle Lighter has not moved against you in force yet - and thought I'd drop by to check if any of you have actually studied the powers and vulnerabilities of regular dracoliches? Although Candle Lighter is far from one of those.

The man makes a deep bow to the ladies, nods to The Dalesman respectfully, as one professional to another, and makes his way out.

The Witch Hunter General wrote:

A strange man wanders in, dressed in the apparel of a Molthuni man of military rank, looking somewhat puzzled.

Excuse me. I am looking for the untitled thread. A while ago I was at a barbecue, at Mammy's house, and I nodded off, only to find that whilst I was enjoying my nap, the house and barbecue had moved elsewhere, not unlike the Land of Green Ginger I suspect.

Of course. Take a right at the Generic Post thread, you should be there in no time.

My thanks. I shouldn't be at all surprised to find a button-nosed tortoise around, I tell you.

A strange man wanders in, dressed in the apparel of a Molthuni man of military rank, looking somewhat puzzled.

Excuse me. I am looking for the untitled thread. A while ago I was at a barbecue, at Mammy's house, and I nodded off, only to find that whilst I was enjoying my nap, the house and barbecue had moved elsewhere, not unlike the Land of Green Ginger I suspect.

< Glances at the vague, indeterminate, shapeless minions, raises an eyebrow, and wanders off to try another forum.... >

Is this the untitled thread?

Edit:
My apologies, good sir, only I appear to have become lost.

Come along. We have witches and warlocks to be seeking out. Leave the nice little elder god to play with its food.
<heads off for another thread>

If she was, was it sensible to draw attention to her like that?

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

The Jade wrote:

Edit: FIXED!

Well, fixed enough.

Now where were we?
Oh yes, Paizo have to appeal to the broadest common denominator without getting lynched for another Hook Mountain Massacre....

<sigh>

::Crumples his The Dragon Who Vomited An Empty Orphanage adventure proposal and tosses it in the trash::

Ah-ha. A snarky remark about the 4E 'Red Dragon interview' cartoon!

That would appear to be the case, and with Mrs. Lichman quiescent, that appears to leave only Sebastian's mother to deal with, whom we would have to offer a standard rate upon.

*Is burned to ash*

*Three weeks later, KC regenerates as he usually does*
I'm not a witch, you psychotic Monty Python villager! I am a lich!!!

He appears to have immolated himself whilst I was waiting upon Mammy's reply.

Mammy; my assistant would like me to offer you our special 'covey' discount on burning three witches and/or warlocks at the stake in one go, with regard to the accused Kobold Cleaver, Mrs. Lichman, and Sebastian's Mother. The sole legal requirement, given that one of them has been seen trying to hex another, is for you, as hostess, to agree that they are all guilty, and we can proceed to the burning stage. If as hostess you prefer to avoid such a fine spectacle as a multiple witch/warlock burning some of them shoot green sparks out of their ears as the flames take hold (or the screaming of terrifying imprecations such as 'may you be plagued with the latest Windows update'), we can either carry it out discreetly on another thread, or leave them be.
We have no problem accepting payment in Confederate currency.

<scuttles around with a measuring tape, sizing up Kobold Cleaver, Sebastian's Mother, and Mrs. Lichman>

Triple burning, boss, please? We can give Mammy a discount for rooting out three evil witches or warlocks...

Hmm. I'm not sure that we should be judging Mrs. Lichman by appearances, but it depends if Mammy wants them all to go or not.

The Witch Hunter General wrote:

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Sebastian's Mother wrote:

Evil Monkey wrote:

OOOOOO ...... Catfight!

Fight over, I win!

Curse you, you psychotic hag! CURSE YOU!!!

Hmmm. If I understand correctly, Kobold Cleaver, you seem to be trying to hex the mother of one of the most merciless and black-hearted lawyers on the Paizo Messageboards?

Mebbe so, but thet husseh is also a witch! Let's see whut kinda witch hunter yeh are.

Perhaps so, madam, but this is the untitled thread, so I require a little more than 'he said, she said, I said, she was or is a witch'. Mammy keeps a fine supply of kindling suitable for burning witches or warlocks around the back of her house, in case she ever needs a 'spit roast', but before I start piling up the faaaggots (apologies for the drawl, but necessary for the messageboards) I need to see proof of dealings with the dark arts. An attempt to hex another member of the messageboard community, for example...

Sebastian's Mother wrote:

Evil Monkey wrote:

OOOOOO ...... Catfight!

Fight over, I win!

Curse you, you psychotic hag! CURSE YOU!!!

Hmmm. If I understand correctly, Kobold Cleaver, you seem to be trying to hex the mother of one of the most merciless and black-hearted lawyers on the Paizo Messageboards?