The_Paladin_of_Nevada's page

Katie Couric's a kracken. Gentlemen, prepare your trusty mounts and weapons. We ride forth to slay the beast.

F-cking Krakens! How did they get out of the water and cross the border without their visa permit and green card?

I've told people a hundred times before car washes plus nereids equalsa big profits. Butnobodylistens...

No, no, no. I can't Mohrgs dishing out cupcakes and girl scout cookies. I wonder if they would like working at a car wash. I heard the tips are pretty good.

I'll hack up any zombies you want. My paladins are immune to disease, any disease.

Exactly.

You could try the only blessed bleach approved by the Universal Church. Makes whites whiter and scrubs chaos and evil clean.

Anyone HOME!!!!!

Jalapeno popper's are the devil's food. I'll pass.

Shine brightly

By the God of cleanliness, I love car washes.

Rubbing alcohol you say?

:::spills it out:::

It's not cardboard, it's styrofoam. A paladin's secret weakness.

:::chokes on rice crispies bar:::

What... >choke< is... >choke< in these... >choke< things...

:::turns blue:::

Noooooooooo!

Pull my finger.

No! We'll have poop flowing up and backwards in no time.

Firecrackers, several fist-sized, should do the trick.

Is June Cleaver still around?!

*Ducks under covers hoping the name of beast is heard*

...and dismembered body parts. I recognize my swinging sword in several scenes.

Hideously.

Hmmm, can I watch? Pass a tankard of mead or two?

Free Baptisms anyone. I promised not to hold you under water for more than 11 minutes.

Femme Shep, turnips give me gas. Now all I need is an artificer and a holy motorcycle.

Can I fart in my armor or will I offend my patron deity?

NO, I think he called you mentally challenged after a fashion.

Walks into the thread wearing in the shiniest plate mail ever made

Am I not beautiful? I shall return to the castle and watch my fellow paladins collapse in utter envy.

It look like you generate hell itself.

raises his gaze and detects evil across the thread

Judges? Who needs judges. I'm a paladin-at-law. Justice ain't nothing without a military tribunal I say. Look at work at Gitmo. A proud example of fascism and fanaticism.

F!*%s I give: d1 - 1

No probability there. Just sayin'

I just here for the free drink and food at the snack bar. Damn recession put a kink in my crusade and my wallet.

Call the Salvation army and tell them we need a new couch. Oh for heaven's sake, let's buy a new living set.

Sarah Palin and John McCain are on the front cover. Eeeeeuuuuuuuwwwwww!

*Readies his anti-droid incantations of banishment*

Let's say if this droid gets too trigger happy, I pop him over onto the Slaad Thread. They would find him most amusing.

*ducks under desk*

*holds up bowl to catch laser*

Wow! Crotchless Slaad. Sounds like a new kind of salad.

*readies laser reflecting body shield in case of accidental misfire*

*starts drinking the sacramental whine*

Where did that alter boy go..?

when it comes to stain cleaning, paladins do it better.

SAY I WRONG! I DARE YOU!

From outside the window...

I'm not wearing any pants. Is that a problem?

Buffon! Put some trousers on before I sever your wobblies!

Oils and buffs his armor, repeats when needed...

No! Go scrambled.

Bacon is an unclean meat.

Pull out his flaming sword of Law +05 and cooks some bacon

Here we are. It's clean now.

You celestials have fun with June, Shakespeare Hippy, and everyone else. I'm off to Gen Con 2012 with my trusty paladin steed and a nice shiny sword.

You heard nothing.

Aw, dang it! Now I'll have to conjure more!

<Conjures flatworms>

Don't entice her with junk food. The more flatworms she eats the less weight she gains. We'll never be able roll her off of thread.

*Makes Gentlemen Nurn a Holy Moses and slides the shot glass across thetable. Makes one for June Cleaver too*

*follows another shot of Vodka-mixed Holy Water*

I'm gonna call that the Holy Moses.

*swallows another shot*

The_Paladin_of_Nevada wrote:

*raises his gaze and use his detect evil paladin ability on June Cleaver. He flinches and staggers back...*

Lords of Justice! You're aura! Jeezus! The pain in my head..., Where's that flask of 90 proof vodka..?"

I have some Lemorian Rotgut in my desk, best I can offer. It even really rots your gut. Though being a paladin that won't be as much an issue for you, what with the disease immunity and all...

I'll get the shot glasses, yeeesssss.

I hope so. I'd hate to see how this stuff comes the proverbial back door.

*swallows a shot*

*raises his gaze and use his detect evil paladin ability on June Cleaver. He flinches and staggers back...*

Lords of Justice! You're aura! Jeezus! The pain in my head..., Where's that flask of 90 proof vodka..?"

LoL! I'm such a snitch.

You're stealing June Cleaver's pigs. better put them back where you found them before she shows up for a visit and who-knows-what-else.

:::Swings his holy sword maddly at the air:::