TerraNova's page

I got into real trouble at ~40, but i am non-native

Zalen:

Ayen tried to take the teasing in stride, and to be all grown up about it - but she was clearly somewhat upset about it, grew defensive and all the more eager to prove herself to him.

Pirisa passed the ring to Zalen with a pained look. "I found it. I like it. Please, can I keep it?" Where exactly she found it, she did not mention. Zalen turned the ring in his hand. No way she had this for any amount of time, it would have been taken from her within moments in Lamm's service. It was easily worth fifty gold. Whoever she had taken it from probably would notice the loss.

Pirisa could stand the situation only so long before her eyes started to water. "I want it back, please Mister Candorian."

Ayedah & Alandra:

"Precisely" Mother Maple replied. "I tried to give you as much lattitude as possible, but you need to be dependable. Otherwise, how can we trust you with anything?"

Just a minor addition: The third site has the elfgate "poisoned" by the banshee's essence. As long as she exists, no wsy forward.

Also, I would not discount the potential of the site's backstory. The elven skeleton is an obvious suicide, and the succubus might get cocky on the last leg of the journey, and site of one of her grest triumps, too. :) Probably not so much revelaing herself, but maybe egging on the partyx to question and ultimately discover what went on here.

I agree, though, that this could have been more. Maybe the team might have cut some of the "background" rooms from the Winter Council castle, and explored this site somewhat further. I agree we had a bit too much dungeon here. But I think this was mainly done because the adventure can swing both ways. Vindicative parties, and those in thrall with the succubus very possibly treat it as just another dungeon. On the other hand, talkative parties need wordcount on NPCs and their backstories. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

As for the Land of Black Blood being right after Endless Night storywise: I think "Memory of Darkness" is a bit like "Sins of the Saviours." By no means necessary to defeat the final boss, but very helpful in establishing the hows, whys and giving the party an edge here and there.

On a second, complete reading: I was afraid this adventure would be yet another backstab by people the group would like to trust and ally with - something that needs to be done very sparingly. Thus, I was very critical of it.

From what I understood, the "Save the Dragon" fell through due to holidays. well. Pseudodragon has been stuck there for a while, and probably... maybe... live for a while longer.

Uh... I am a bit underwhelmed here, guys.

By the way, are you waiting for me in the main thread? Because I wanted to give you some time to ask questions and announce "we leave".

Otherwise, I'll send you to the next scenario

I could eat myself to death on marzipan, but have learned the good sense to not do so by now. :) Easily one of the best inventions of the last... ever.

Hmm, seems my former bank is slow with canceling my card. Good for me, I guess. :)

Anyway, first glance-through looks great. I have not read anything in detail, of course, but the (male) priest of Calistria looks good enough to take home - and I am a heterosexual male.

All right, this one's for the ladies. And some of the men, too.

unofficial Paizo beefcake fanart

Sean, you just made my year. Seriously. That bit tipped '08 from "meh" to pretty good. :)

Valkyrie Paine:

Ok, since currently both threads are lagging due to holidays, I'll delay updates until I have a decent amount of replies. I'll use this for a little roll call, too. It's been a while since i heard from our favorite halfling, and the roster is getting slim.

I think we can finish off Edge of Anarchy with the players we have. I'll go easy on you, and get you to Seven days. I'll re-recruit once we get close to the end. That, however, requires you all commit to sticking with the game to this point.

Otherwise, I'll call for replacements now. I'm not a fan of that, but it's better than limping along with one or two players.

I'm usually very careful with shifting alignments after being burned on this once before. HOWEVER while this classic hostage situation is not as clear-cut and dry as it first seems, the "no remorse" is. While there is any number of ways to justify attacking the ogre before he can do something drastic, seeing the "failed result" should move any good person.

I'd have a talk with the player about what alignment means, and try to convince him that probably some flavor of neutral fits the character better.

I turned the Skull of Murq into a wannabe Kyuss cult, with a Skull-with-snakes sigil. They were build up to be the presumed match when Madtooth was swapped out in the last minute. They consisted of:

Murq, male human necromancer. He was quite blatant in being evil, and had a bit of the card-carrying villain going. He really did not know much of Kyuss, merely enough to ape his cult for seeming more evil and intimidating

Sweetness, female ghul barbarian. She was known for sundering arms and using them as improvised weapons and snacks.

Kirazs and Karizs, male drow psion twins. They never spoke, because their tongues were cut out as babes.

I think part of the problem is that we are all not so sure on how a soon-to-be-samurai would make small talk. :) This problem is naturally exacerbated by the PbP format, the holidays and so on. I think once the group gets together a little more tightly, things will shape up.

I should be able to post fairly regularly.

Just to notify you, I managed to submit after multiple false tries. I'm still convinced my item's a good idea. I'm still confident to have avoided the usual blunders. But you never know.

Whatever you do, post ;) Otherwise, i might decide you are getting bored, and usher you along before you are "done" with the scene.

Looks like the Post Monster has spawned before its demise. The little monster does not quite manage to eat posts, but it prevents their threads from being pushed to the top.

Long story short: I Posted ;)

Let's just assume Zalen had a chance to peek at the letters, which are closed, but not sealed (and hence, can be opened without destroying anything).

The contents of four of the letters are quite (a-hem) explicit love letters written by a lady. She's quite open, and gets downright anatomic at times. The final letter is the most damning of them, since while the others address him by name, this one is actually one of his replies, hand-written and signed. You have no idea who the Paramarquesse is, but if she is married to a Paramarquis, then that gentlemen will likely not suffer the ambassadors adventure lightly.

IIRC, you still haven't read them :P

NSpicer: Ok, here's my return critique of your scenario. I hope i got it right:

Pathfinder Society Adventure 18: Skeleton Moon

Introduction:
Several treasure-seekers disappear near the supposedly well-picked ruins of Moonhaven, a crescent-shaped siege castle outside Absalom. The Pathfinder Society offers a new assignment for a select band of heroes to investigate the mystery while also determining if the former-Chelish stronghold retains any secrets looters may have missed in the 400 years since its abandonment.

I'm not up to speed at Absaloms history enough to really check if Cheliax is a possible originator, but... I think the PFS is not supposed to become a work for hire organization too much. In addition, I wonder if you could not have used a more gripping intro. I know, glass houses and everything, but just making the siege castle crescent-shaped does not scream "this one is different" to me.

Also, what exactly is this scenario going to be about? Exploring a siege castle. Close to 10% of the submission written, and nothing really said that wasn't in the outline anyway.

Minor quibble: The scenario is low-level. These guys probably will not be a select band of heroes as much as some daredevils either out for their own good, or somehow drafted to the task.

Summary:
Moonhaven serves as the final resting place of eldritch knight Felmordis Leroung, who turned to evermore desperate measures in his assault on Absalom on behalf of King Haliad III of Cheliax. In a secret chamber beneath this stronghold, Felmordis invoked the Moonstone of Groetus to empower himself with the souls of his lost soldiers. But instead the backlash drew the soul of every living creature within the keep into its empty heart. When the forces of Absalom finally stormed the castle, they found only the appearance of a ritual suicide and declared victory despite their inability to locate Leroung.

Ten years ago, a powerful earthquake rocked Absalom and shook the Moonstone from its pedestal in the hidden dungeons below. Shattering upon the ground, it summoned a terrible seed from the void. Infused by Leroung’s spirit and Groetus’ madness, the seed grew into an assassin vine formed of festering alien flesh. Personified by Leroung, he guided the vine to reach through the cracks and fissures left by the earthquake to feed upon rats, birds, and occasional squatters sheltering in the ruin. But he could never quite escape his prison. For years his roots and vines toiled to widen the half-collapsed hallways, further weakening the grounds of Moonhaven above.

A few weeks ago, Leroung’s efforts paid off as several major sinkholes appeared alongside the siege-castle’s walls. Ironically, these gaping holes in the ground resemble the eyes, nose cavity, and grinning teeth of the skull of Groetus. Looters who came to investigate found themselves brutally attacked in the night, victims of Groetus’ newest assassin, Felmordis Leroung.

Might have been too apocalyptic, too. :) Skeleton Moon somehow seems to call out to that obscure minor deity. I've done a quick wordcount here, and come up with roughly 25% backstory in this submission. This is a whole lot. Add to this your intro, and we end up with close to a third of the submission before the "actual adventure".

This probably was too much.

Encounter 1: (Stirge Attack, EL 3/4/5)
When the PCs first arrive at Moonhaven, they discover the remains of another camp of would-be explorers. Evidence indicates something dragged away the camp’s inhabitants into the sinkholes. As they begin their own descent, the PCs disturb a flight of stirges feasting on the blood and skeletal remains of Leroung’s latest victims, hanging from exposed roots along the walls.

Pretty gruesome imagery here. Might not be PG13, which was the target age bracket for the scenario.

Encounter 2: (Shriekers/Violet Fungi, EL 4/5/6)
Upon reaching the bottom of the sinkhole, the PCs enter a cavern filled with fungus grown from the offal of the assassin vine. Any movement disturbs several shriekers lurking among the mushrooms. Amid their noise, the PCs might believe some horror continues murdering unfortunate campers screaming from the shadows, but the shriekers only serve to draw them into further attacks by violet fungus. Afterward, the PCs find a real survivor in Tressa Leroung, one of Felmordis’ descendants and a member of the Darklight Sisterhood performing her own investigation of Moonhaven ahead of the Pathfinders. In no condition to counter the heroes, she provides them with information about her ancestor and his pact with Groetus.

Hmm, more Darklight Sisters. Great minds think alike?

The Darklight Sisterhood will probably be featured very little, so including them might have been a strike against the group.

Infodumping via NPCs might not be the greatest technique, but it gets the job done. However, how is Tressa Darklight "written out" again without it seeming GM fiat? Some healing spells later she should be able to assist, which is a royal pain. Especially in a 4 hour setting.

Encounter 3: (Tapestry of Groetus – Summon Monster Trap, EL 4/5/6)
Venturing deeper into the dungeon, the PCs discover a tapestry blocking further access. It depicts Groetus’ skull-and-moon symbol over a field of battle where armored knights struggle against unimaginable horrors. Attempting to bypass this barrier triggers a summon monster trap which releases different aberrations upon each activation (including fiendish vermin, animals, and outsiders).

Encounter 4: (Treasure Room, Animated Objects EL 4/5/7)
The PCs uncover the treasure of Moonhaven used by Felmordis to pay his mercenaries and equip them for battle. Disturbing these trophies unleashes animated guardians using the armor and weapons of ancient Chelaxian knights.

Solid encounters. Nothing to really wow me, though. They look ok, but I am really missing spice here. They neither really contribute to the overall story much, nor are they mechanically interesting.

The treasure room might be a bit of a problem, though... if the treasure was significant (1st level here!), everyone would want to play this scenario once word got around even a little. If not... "Yu-hu. A treasure room full of... trash and monsters. Yeah, great job GM."

Encounter 5: (Assassin Vine, EL 5/6/8)
The party finally encounters Felmordis Leroung in his twisted manifestation. Statistically, he uses the “flesh plant” and “savant” templates from the Advanced Bestiary. His tactics involve using stalagmites as a maze of tunnels and obstacles where he can seek cover and drag his victims kicking and screaming to their final reward.

Very nice imagery here - but the group is going to be in for a huge "huh" moment, especially if they have not been info-dumped by Tressa. I am still getting my head wrapped around the "why an assassin vine" here.

Consider a group who is not keen on allying with the Darklight sister. Would this encounter make any sense to them? I don't think so.

Conclusion:
The heroes end the threat of Leroung’s murder spree, save Tressa Leroung of the Darklight Sisterhood, and return to the Pathfinder Society with much deeper insight into the mystery of Moonhaven and the Moonstone of Groetus, as well as several treasures from ancient Cheliax.

I am not really sure the point of PFS scenarios is to develop the setting, and thus revealing mysteries of the Moonstone might run counter to the goals of the organized play campaign. Either way, the only real info i could see while reading through the scenario was what Tressa volunteered.

Factions:
Factions have varied goals in the adventure, including the recovery of Tressa Leroung, samples of violet fungus, analysis of the magical traps and guardians, priceless relics from ancient Cheliax, and Moonstone remnants.

This is rushed, or cut down way too much. Either way, i think including it hurts you more than it helps you. I really don't get which faction should have which goal, besides the obvious. They are all very... easy. Not very creative, nothing you can not do on the way.

Nothing to do with my personal life, actually. Its just that no one usually raises a fuzz about being seriously hurt in combat, or suffering an accident if the dice say so. As soon as a bit of social interaction comes into the mix, bristles tend to rise.

Maybe because we usually feel we are in total control of our own behavior IRL, even if we are not. ;)

She might also get her belly sliced up with a razor-blade or trampled to death by a horse. I really don't see so much difference between these scenarios as to object to one, but not the others. :)

Keeping things PG13 is pretty much a given, I think. I mean, messageboard policy and all. Besides, child protection laws vary wildly by location, so a timely fade is really the best way to go.

Thanks for your review. I agree on all but one counts, actually. So this is not a counter-critique, but some additional explaining what went through my head.

What i had in mind was a mishap while using a temporal stasis spell in one of the final battles during the Nexian siege, which created this "lost" Siege castle. The "time issues" also offered to add a few "cute" quirks to otherwise straightforward combat encounters.

I really like the Darklights as pathfinder wannabes. So they seemed like a good group to bite off way more than they could chew, and get themselves into trouble.

I was aware of the problems of becoming too big, but really liked this angle at explaining why the castle hadn't been picked clean yet. This resulted in the awkward mix of huge effects and tiny impact. I aimed for "Weird and scary" but not "Guaranteed to change the world". Maybe a short paragraph a'la "what happens if they fail" might have helped here.

The adventure indeed hasn't got a single big villain to finish off. I know it was a gamble, but the plant (as the essence of the trapped, choked consciousness of the time-lost soldiers) didn't seem to be good material to give personality, so I left it at "Dungeon Boss".

The final encounter with the other sisters was supposed to be another jab at them being too little, too late. It wasn't even supposed to be a necessary combat encounter, but rather some social maneuvering (especially given the faction missions).

The faction missions were mashed together. It was either that or cutting even more text i thought more valuable than headings. I still believe the proposal was better for it, but it might just have been a format violation too many.

Insight was indeed wrong, I've corrected it already. I've also taken a two point obligation to the Akodo, which she is currently trying to find a way to repay without them calling that particular shot on her. With the one CP left over, I've taken back Meditation 1, which should not change her insight as per Heroes of Rokugan rules.

Sounds good so far?

Did so for two of the PFS 20 submissions, don't know if that counts in your books. I'll get to it in the evening, though.

I don't want to beg here, but I'd really appreciate if someone took the time to read over my latest drivel, and suggest improvements.

Disregard

Here's my stab at Skeleton Moon. It might have been too apocalyptic, or maybe the calculated gamble of giving the premier culprit a bit off a goofy, but memorable name rubbed all the wrong buttons.

Possibly using some not really supported magical effects were also a killer, or the inclusion of a (more or less useless) custom magic item. The faction missions could probably have been less antagonistic, or more creative.

Oh, and i probably self-edited myself out somewhere, with broken sentences etc. I suck.

Introduction:

The pathfinders of Absalom laughed at Mirakel Darklight, called her a wannabe, a dilettante and worse. None believed she really had the key to conquer the siege castle of Halgrun. Now, the moon shows a dissected skeletal face reminiscent of Groetus' visage, and moves across the sky backwards. Lookouts report motion inside the siege castle. A thick black ivy has overgrown the castle in the space of minutes. Panic begins to swell among the populace. Faced with this crisis, the Pathfinder Society sends their first available group to Halgruns castle. They are to examine the strange effects, and make sure the castle returns to dormancy.

The scenario centers around a siege castle that was trapped in a variant of a Temporal Stasis spell. Mirakel destabilized this spell when she tried to conquer the castle. Temporal effects dominate throughout this scenario, most simulated as spell effects applied to creatures. The pathfinders enter the siege castle, and find Mirakel Darklight trapped in stasis after she lost the orb that allowed her access. Equipt with the orb, the group can penetrate the castle further, but is soon stopped by the ivy overgrowth that has been empowered by the trapped spirits of the sieging soldiers. The time flux ends with the vines defeat and the castle to normal time. After some cleanup regarding Mirakel Darklight, the pathfinders return to Absalom as heroes.

Expanded Overview:

The pathfinders approach the siege castle and witness some in the temporal distortions caused by Mirakel. Several harpies circle the castle, their flight grossly distorted. Some seem frozen in midair,
others move with blinding speed. One or more break off to face the party before the gates. Depending on tier, this is either a singe harpy afflicted with Slow, or several afflicted with either Slow or Haste.

Inside the Siege castle the shades of ancient soldiers are preserved. The temporal fluctuations grow more intense here, and most still stand frozen in stasis. Some have awoken, however, and follow their last orders: To defend the siege castle. To simulate the increasing amount of time fluctuation, initiative is rerolled each turn for this battle.

Close to the actual keep, the party finds Mirakel Darklight. The Darklight sister is frozen in stasis, with one hand cut off. The missing limb lies several feet off, still clutching an orb of swirling black
and white. The orb is both the key to the siege castle and a shield against the temporal fluctuations. Whoever wears it, and any close by, are unaffected by the altered flow of time. Two automata, perfect
clockwork versions the ancient Nexian soldiers who once inhabited the castle, guard the keep gates. They must be defeated to gain access to the inner keep.

Once inside the inner keep, the ivy overgrowth of the castle comes alive. Actually, it is the essense of the frozen minds and nightmarish non-thinking sentience of the trapped soldiers. The Dream-Distilled Assassin Vine tries to ensnare and choke the life out of the interloping pathfinders before they can further harm the time displacement that now is spreading over the Isle of Kortos. In this encounter the pathfinders are protected from the direct displacement effects by Mirakels orb, but the Assassin Vine gains a number of special abilities depending on tier and random rolls.

After the battle with the vine, the castle returns to normal time. Any remaining ancient soldiers fade into dust. The fortress itself reverts to a "normal" ruin. Mirakel Darklight is released, not too much worse
for wear besides her lost hand. Soon after, three other Darklight sisters join the scene, just a touch too late to make any difference. The group must deal with these sisters, either through some kind of compromise, or combat.

Faction Missions:

Mirakel Darklight is a sympathizer with the Andoran cause, and occasionally passes information to them. Andoran pathfinders should bring her back safely, and ensure that her cover and raport with the Sisterhood remains intact. With the Darklight sisterhood entangled in a plot that might endanger Absalom, Cheliax requests that any proof of their involvement is removed. Osirion's necromancers request some
time-displaced artifact for further study - Mirakel's key will do as well. Quadiran Pathfinders must find and retrieve an amulet of historic significance was worn by one of the soldiers inside this siege castle.
Taldor intends to stoke the flames between Cheliax and Andoran by leaving forged proof linking the rogue Darklight Sister to Andoran.

Submitted again - once more without an acknowledgement. Could someone please check if it was received? I don't want to litter the judges board.

Things piled up tonight. I'll update and spawn the breakaways on sunday, but right now I am really caught up preparing for a business trip.

As written in the other thread... things piled up tonight. I'll give you the modified sheet on sunday, but right now I am really caught up preparing for a business trip.

Gah... meant to go over the character tonight, but things kept piling up - and now I'm off for a business trip till sunday. I hope this isn't too huge a problem

Once again my usual disclaimers: Me not editor. Me harsh. Me like cookies. I actually liked this one, but I can see why it was not chosen.

Almost a year ago Julia Acasius Thrune set her scheme in motion. Four days ago the final act played out. Demons were summoned and went berserk the Summer House of her old rival, Lucius Acasius Thrune. Only one small detail went not according to plan: her brother was still alive!

Nice to read, but the brother bit came as a surprise. First you talk about merely an "old rival", and a sentence later he becomes her brother?

Since childhood Julia knew that she was destined to play the servant to her older brother. She also knew that she was far better suited to guide the fate of the Acasius branch of House Thrune. So she hedged a plan to get rid of Lucius. Knowing that her brother loved Osirian Art, she bought a Scarab for his birthday present. Julia also hired a wizard to enchant the item. Whoever tried to move the Insect’s legs in a certain way was subjected to a Magic Jar spell. The life energy of the soul in turn would power the summoning of Demons. Lucius received the gift and added it to his to his art collection.

Now Julia used her contacts in Quadira to spread the false information Lucius had secreted away vital political information. Believing the rumours to be true, the Quadirans hired Valor Kam a “professional extractor of knowledge”, not knowing that he was a double agent also receiving Taldoran coin. Valor broke into the Summer House and opened the Vault in the Cellar. But as he tried to open the Scarab’s secret compartment moving its legs, he fell prey to the Magic Jar spell.
Up to this point everything had happened as Julia planned. The final part, the summoning, would require a special trigger: the first person to come within five feet of the scarab. Normally Lucius would be the one to go into the cellar and open the vault. But he was running late as he had to change some last minute details on trade agreements. Instead, Lucius sent Malchus Kennon, his manservant, to prepare for his arrival. Soon the butler noticed that the House had been broken into. Fearing the worst, he ran into the cellar and triggered the summoning spell.

Lucius arrived a day later and saw that the Abyss had broken loose in his Summer House. To avoid a public scandal, he went to Venture Captain Marcus Aurelius and asked for help. The Pathfinder agreed, seeing an opportunity to gain good will of House Thrune.

Marcus Aurelius summons the PCs and describes the situation: Demons run rampage in the summer estate of a Chelish official. Fortunately, they don’t seem to be able to stray far from the house. He instructs the party to take care of the outsiders and stresses that they have to keep this mission secret to avoid a public scandal.

I am guilty of this too often as well, but while i love good story... is this really so important to use 25% of your total wordcount on? It is before the PCs even enter the picture! Your actual encounters on the other hand seem short, clipped and lifeless. You're trying to sell a module here, not a treatise on family history of the Thrune. If all this backstory is important, it might be worth including it with the actual encounters, but I believe that Mr. Frost stopped reading after paragraph 2.

If i had to guess, I'd say that this is what killed you right there and then. Who wants a scenario that spends 25% of its text for GM-only description?

Marcus Aurelius is a roman emperor, by the way. It feels weird having him as a mere venture captain. Best stay away from real world names, no matter how nice they may sound.

Lucius greets the PCs at a Wayside Inn, a few miles from the House. He mentions that his manservant is missing, probably killed by the Demons, but has no further information.

The Demons hide in the House as they cannot leave it and therefore fear being slain by ranged attacks.

Why can't they leave? So much backstory, but this critical point unanswered.

Entering the reception Hall, the PCs are attacked by airborne Nabasu. Vanquishing them, they learn that the Demons were summoned creatures.

How do they learn this?

Searching the House, the party is attacked by a Golem. Lucius, unwilling to share the password, “forgot” to mention this security mechanism.

At this point, most of my group would probably call it quits and start going for Lucius' throat instead. Additionally, even relatively soft golems might be a bit too much for the adventure tiers.

In a fit of rage, the Nabasu destroyed furniture and boarding in the long Hall. Navigating the treacherous Terrain the PCs are attacked by the Demons.

Is this its own encounter? If so, what demons are these? If not, why does it have its own paragraph?

Entering the cellar, the party has to navigate the magical darkness created by the semi-permanent summoning spell. They are ambushed by Demons and Valor, now a soulless shell and under the spell’s control. After defeating them, the PCs learn that they can dispel the magic by destroying the summoning circle on the floor. They also find the body of Malchus Kennon, killed by the possessed Thief.

Who is Valor? I just looked it up above, but honestly - it is a bad sign if I even have to. Scenarios are micro-scale adventures, so going back to check who's who is probably a bad idea.

...

On their way home, the party is attacked by “Bandits”. Defeating them, the PCs learn that they are Mercenaries, hired by Lucius to make sure the incident stays secret.

Ok. Pet peeve of mine. So these guys cleared out your problem. This means that in order for your mercenaries to succeed, these need to be significantly tougher than them. So why not either use these mercenaries in the first place (you trust them enough not to blackmail you against the PFS), or why run a significant risk of pissing off the group of people who just helped you out of a tight spot?

It's the kind of plot you'd expect from a villain with a fake accent, maniacal laugh and an eternally billowing cape.

Andoran Mission: Malchus Kennon helped the Andoran cause. Find his contacts.

Chelish Mission: Find out who instigated the whole plot.

Osirion Mission: Recover the Scarab.

Quadiran Mission: Make sure that Quadiran involvement stays unknown

Taldan Mission: Make sure the Quadirans never learn that Valor was a double agent.

You've clearly run out of wordcount here. More's the shame, since I like the chelish mission for not being yet another "borderline evil act". The Taldan mission is a bit too easy, though: There's nothing really indicating Valor might have been a double agent, and the guy's (a) undead and (b) on the kill list anyway. Same goes for the Quadiran involvement... No way i see for the group to figure that one out in the first place, let alone need to cover up.

Just submitted a little something - i hope it got there alright, since the system still offers me to "submit an item" - and takes me all the way to the editor i first used.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed it went through - I don't want to resubmit on chances of voiding my entry entirely, but some "thank you for submitting" screen coupled with a "you have already submitted an item" error would have pushed up my confidence here.

Aura moderate conjuration [evil]; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 12,000 gp; Weight -

DESCRIPTION

These barbed spurs fit on any normal pair of riding boots, although they can be affixed to armor just as easily. Once per day, a horse or similar animal mounted by the wearer experiences a horrible transformation into a beast out of the depths of the abyss. In the transformed state the horse is in all ways equal to a Nightmare, but may be cosmetically different. The steed remains transformed for a full day, or until the rider dismounts. It does not suffer from thirst, fatigue or deprivation while transformed, but its ferocious nature increases the DC for all ride checks by 5.

If the ridden creature is sentient, it may resist the transformation with a successful will save (DC 18). After the transformation ends the creature must make a fortitude save (DC 18) using its own save modifier, or be slain instantly. This is a death effect. Even if it survives, it takes 1d6 points of constitution damage.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster V, creating this item requires casting a spell with the [evil] descriptor; Cost 6,000 gp

While i am probably not the most qualified reviewer (I regularly get shot down), Here is some thoughts:

One of the major points in the last RPG superstar, and incidentally what killed my last open call submission, was not pushing your strong points enough. I read your first two paragraphs, and have no idea why your submission stands out, and is the best for the job.

Passive voice. Another of my own failures. You have several instances of it in your submission ("are contacted", "are told", ...), and I heard editors of all stripes really really hate it.

The tabular format is easy to break down and read. It also wastes valuable wordcount on headings. I for one opted for a free-flowing description to squeeze out these 20-odd words. Might have been a good choice, might have been a bad choice.

The encounters themselves are somewhat... well. Demons. More demons, and some more demons to top things off. The traps as their own encounter are a nice touch, but some more variation would probably not have hurt.

Additionally, the encounters don't really scream "I want to pla those" to me. They seem solid from a story-flow perspective, but maybe a gimmick or two might make them more interesting.

Faction Missions: Can we please have a faction mission for Cheliax that for once the cleric of Sarenrae will be comfortable completing? Seriously, I get that Cheliax is supposed to be disturbing, but it should still have something to offer for PFS players who have to be at least neutral.

That's just from a first reading, though. Maybe I am doing you injustice in some part, but i can only imagine that for an open call with so many submitters, most pieces will not receive much more than that, and many probably less.

I'll forward the main group to the Citadel for a short wrapup with the Field Marshal. The woman is currently (ab)using Lesser Restorations to remain going round the clock, after all. It should take to maybe next week, then I'll enter into a new set of breakaway scenes. Start thinking up sidetracks. :) I've got a few lined up, but not too many. We'll have about two to three weeks downtime.

Krek, if you get bored, I can start the breakaway thread early, but in all honesty, you'd have to pitch me one

Well, I'm letting this scene wind down slowly. You'll have about a week or two of downtime after returning to the citadel.

Alandra probably knew two other girls with Lamm... they were much fewer then, and a few of them were a older. Lamm had lost a lot of orphans, and recruited aggressively.

These other girls both might have fit Sozite. Called "Dirty" and "Stinky" by the then-thugs serving Lamm. They were gone one night, relatively soon before Alandra made her own getaway.

And you know, my Players A> Went for it B> Had fun C> become more invested in my game than they had before. Sure my world was probably less realistic, didn't have a whole lot of organizations that explained these powers, and other things like that . But fun trumps, and in most cases 4-5 peoples fun trump the little bit of enjoyment a dm gets from having a realistic world.

[...]

so yeah. I dont think that everyone's playing wrong, that means that Prc Fallacy is an issue for dm's and grognards and no one else really. Don't like PRC try to form a group that doesn't allow them, and Good Luck.

You forget one thing: I GM to have fun. End of story, what's bad for my fun is bad for my game, and players who can't play by these rules, well... Bad players for my game.

On a more constructive note: A lot of the problems i have with Prestige Classes stems from the wild array of them, and their unlimited combinations. Simply making them subject to escalating multiclass penalties, or prohibiting your from branching out of one before its through might help a lot.

IMHO there is just two types of Prestige Classes: Ones that fix otherwise unviable concepts (sorcerer / fighter or wizard / cleric to name just two), and the "+6 Sword" kind.

The former is perfectly ok IMHO, since they do not involve getting something for nothing. The later kind is what has made the term prestige class sound bitter to me. It involves being just plain better for fulfilling artificial, sometimes relatively trivial prerequisites. This is the kind that could be very well cut from the game.

In general, prestige classes that make you a "super specialist" in some area should be frowned upon, if not totally eliminated. For example, the full progression prestige classes for wizards (Incantatrix, ...) seem to trade off a few feats few consider essential (metamagic is more conveniently handled with items) for vast increases in their primary effectiveness. That is to me the basic, distilled bad prestige class.

These things are considered bad because the subject can be shown to suffer and that we make a judgement that unneccissary suffering is bad.

Ah, but here is the point: That judgement need not be shared by the practitioners. Especially in a fantasy world, where there may be very different biological imperatives behind the cultures (their gods, very real and present, might feed on pain, for example).

In addition, D&D is, by definition, always equipped with an absolute morality system - see spell descriptors, alignments and so forth. The cannibalism clause would strike me as an unnecessary deviation from the otherwise "copy modern euro/american sensibilities" template.

While moral relativism is fine and dandy, taken too far it becomes a really bad way to look at anything. Foot binding - An ancient custom in China, which the republic of china mercilessly destroyed? Female circumcision - who are you to tell the tribesman that horribly mutilating their woman is bad?

Seriously, a certain ethos is just ingrained in our culture, and the cannibalism - taboo is pretty deep inside that. Thus yeah. Even ritualized cannibalism is evil in my book. Not necessarily evil as in "you go to hell, right here and now", but absolutely a strike against you, and something a devoted follower of good is going to feel anguished over. I'd go so far and put it right up there in evil acts with the casting of spells with the "evil" descriptor. It will tarnish you, but you might get away with it, especially if you do penance later.

Well, he couldn't keep his hat as kingpin for a sizeable operation if he broke his word left and right - so probably you will get the letters soon. If you plan to make a return visit later, fine and dandy with me, the adventure actually discusses this eventuality.

This is strictly off the books and OOC: The King of Spiders is a sadistic a%#!+~&, and tortures the pseudodragon for fun. He's quite happy to making the life of a benign, innocent creature hell, and not about to let up. He bought your lie about wanting to sell it further down the road, but he's not going to sell for anything less than an increadibly offer. The adventure gives something in the region of 5000 GP as a guideline for buying him. Now, i assume that is for people who are "merciful"... but I still use it as a baseline.

I am trying to base it of both, truth be told. The numbers dictate how positive i try to view your actions, how well you hit the target's nerve, and just how easy it is to convince me. That being said, a certain amount of player action is necessary. "DAlly, wanna f..." won't win you Dallisarea, the Nymph queens favor, even if your diplomacy modufier is +587

I'd have to check that... generally, though, i have no problem with non-lethal sneak attacks.

6 Coins, the bad thing being that it's a mix of gold and silver - Delvargo really messed up things by putting in some silver here.

As for the lethal: Anyone can do that with improved unarmed strike, or if you simply take a -4 penalty to attack in 3.5. Here, the thug has IUS - thought it was fitting for a smalltime brawler and thug.

Just an idea i had right now - how about a revived Lavinia during the Siege of Farshore, where she taunts the PCs, blames them for abandoning her, and is just a little bit too creepily into her brother? Of course it is mind control, but it just might drive home just how much this turn of events is "not as it should be".

As a quick note, I'll update the thread ASAP for the moment, in order to keep the delay to a minimum. That is, Zalen's posts determine the pace.