Stigwold Mæch'Hæmmær's page

Climb 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

<Glances at Tensor when his head changes, then goes back to his rum as though nothing had happened.>

<Then, after a couple of good draws on the rum Stig is able to focus on the drowess. He points at her.>

"Eh. Dornt Ah ken ye, lassie?"

<Belts back some VUdran rum.>

"Yessssssssss. <muttering to himself... or the rum...> Who's your daddy?"

<Rummaging around for rum.>

"Shiny"

+2 ring of protection.

Dibs on the ring. Stig tosses a +1 RoP back into the pot.

Stig will wade in and cleave.

"Humn."

<The port side (or starboard, what do I know) sags as Stig waddles to the edge and looks out into the water.>

<Stig snarls and flexes his muscles at any remaining bums... of course they're scarcely visible beneath the lard.>

<Stig nods his head in approval of Oso's barbarity.>

Groups' attack.

Is there anything other than bums left?

"Moradin. Nae huir uv a braw at riddlin ur ye lioness."

I can't even remember what that's supposed to mean.

She riddles on;

"What is: the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space,
the beginning of every end, and the end of every place?"

"Moradin. Nae huir uv a braw at riddlin ur ye lioness."

Well, Stig can barely read.

"You solved my riddle.....now GO f*%! YOUR MOTHER!!!"

she commands, though unconvincingly, trembling like a kitten dipped in a bucket of ice water.

"Gab loch 'at an' Ah willnae be lettin' mah dug et yer guts, that's fur certain."

And in fear, she riddles....

"what eats man beast and tree?
It runs uphill faster than downhill!"

"Fyre ye glaikit huir."

I did that purely for role playing purposes....

<Wipes away a few more blood splatters.>

<To the lioness: "Noo lit us gie doon tae business, shaa we?"

Intimidation 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (20) + 12 = 32

att1 1d20 + 19 ⇒ (17) + 19 = 36
dam1 2d6 + 24 ⇒ (1, 2) + 24 = 27
att2 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (16) + 14 = 30
dam2 2d6 + 24 ⇒ (6, 6) + 24 = 36

On the Rak of course.

<Wipes some explosive blood splatter off his face.>

"Boomshakalaka...."

And those were all supposed to be +24 not +4. So that's another 60 or 80 points in damage. From an earthbreaker I guess Stiggy might be pulling bits of this guy out of his beard for a while. Math follows:

(38 to hit & crit) 32+36+29=97 damage
(24 to hit) 34 damage

att1 crit 1d20 + 19 ⇒ (16) + 19 = 35
dam1 critx2 2d6 + 4 ⇒ (6, 6) + 4 = 16
dam1 critx3 2d6 + 4 ⇒ (4, 1) + 4 = 9

One caveman is at g14, looking at Stiggy with a look of shock and awe.

Ok, so I gutted the guy at i14, right? No g14. (confused from above post) So this is on i14.

att1 1d20 + 19 ⇒ (19) + 19 = 38
dam1 2d6 + 4 ⇒ (2, 6) + 4 = 12
att2 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (10) + 14 = 24
dam2 2d6 + 4 ⇒ (5, 5) + 4 = 14

Oso, Beldan and Stig to go.

Roger that. Just stepping out to lunch. When I get back.

awa' en bile yer heid!

Ye gantin' haggis. Gang en buck a sheep en th' crease, ye limp wristet heelain girse munchah.

I just end up with Scottish accents in every single one of my PbPs. That and pirates.

As a' fowk nooz, ef et ainae Scottish et's guff.

Wait, that was a standard attack not a full attack so no fumble... unless you want the drama.

Stig is swinging an earthbreaker by the way.

"Oaps"

Dude at g14.
att 1: 1d20 + 19 ⇒ (2) + 19 = 21
dam 1: 2d6 + 24 ⇒ (1, 3) + 24 = 28
att 2: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (1) + 14 = 15
dam 2: 2d6 + 24 ⇒ (4, 3) + 24 = 31

Me fumble. Nice rolling eh?

Are the guys at g & i 14 alive? I'll five foot step between them if so. So H14... Then I'll kill them.

Only when he's off duty.

YAY! RETCON my post up-page... Stiggy's not in a loincloth anymore.

Did I fail a perception roll?

Hey

"Diz anyain hae a spaur weapon?"

<Adjusts his loincloth. Cracks his knuckles.>

Sorry, meeting with Canadian consul in Beijing. What Oso said.

"Yoo've chipped a tooth thaur hoond. We'll hae tae gie ye tae some gauld fur 'at."

<Grunts, gets up and waddles around a bit to stretch out.>

"Ah wonder whit they pit inside ay me. Cannae be guid."

“Well I’m real.” Beldan pinches himself on the arm to prove it.

“Soooo, Stig. Hi. Big night?”

"Aye. An then a few Ah reckon."

"Now, did the mind flayers put you in one of those black sacs?"

"Weel, Ah was skitin' some rum in th' hauld an' 'en Ah woke up in a ceel an' punched th' buck't ay a goblin 'en killed some trolls an' a bampot drow 'en rode aroond in a boat wi' another drow in a weddin' frock an' mit an undeid bard. Ah dunnae kinn hoo a min' flayer figures intae 'at but rum seems tae hae played a raither integral part ay th' whole debacle."

Who cares if it's real as long as you get your xp.

<Stig rather brutally rips the tubes out of his arms.>

"Min' flayers? Hoo 'en dae Ah ken 'at y'ur real?"

<Looks around.>

"An' whaur in Moradin's crease is mah rum?"

"Tenser, am Ah ever glad tae see ye, loon. Hoo in th' nam ay buck did Ah gie haur, an' whaur in th' nam ay buck am Ah, an' whit th' buck is thes in mah buckin' arms?"

"Whit in th' nam ay Moradin's feckin' nutsack is gonnae oan?"

WTF?

"The water.....don't touch it muchly, dwarf. I think it trickles down to the River Styx. It has properties that can make one forgetful."

The riverlet flows out of the small cavern opposite the way you came in.

<Stiggy rows over to the riverlet.>

“Who would do this? I mean, dressing a dwarf in only a loincloth? We’re dealing with a sick mind here.”

You have forgotten Stiggy wearing the S&M armor.

"Hrum! We'll fine some drow te feed ye, Ah'm sure. But let tha' one alone, will ye?"

<Stig spots around a bit looking for a potential way out.>

"Yah. Well et hart me lahk all hell."

<Stig yanks out his silver axe.>

"Lit's nae do tha' agin, ok?"

"I'm dead. Aren't you?" again thoughtful; "would it be forward of me to try and.....touch you?"

"Go raight ahead."

<Stig pats his belly and thrusts it forward.>

"Stigwold Mæch'Hæmmær at yer service, by the way."

<Stig bows as best as his girth allows. The boat rocks dangerously.>

...

"I haven't talked to anyone, in a long time. You're good company.
My name is..." she seems thoughtful; "Rowan...Rowan Kellani. I died.....I don't know how long ago. Seeking vengeance; I don't know what for. Do you know Vanthus? I did, once; I think."

"Nae, ah doorn't know a Vanthus. An' are ye absolootely sure yer dead, lassie, given tha' yer lookin' rather lively at the moment?"