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Here's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. (It's worth 2 cents.)
The dwarven race has a notoriously low birth rate. So it may be sort of like in ancient Sparta: Even if a man obviously and openly preferred the "company" of other men, he was still expected to take a wife and have kids. Their society completely accepted gay men, and completely expected the gay men to have wives. Also, the straight men of ancient Sparta were very likely to have had gay relationships when they were younger. So the idea that people were exclusively "straight" or "gay" was an idea that didn't even exist for them.
The problem seems to be that all of you are applying modern, Western standards of "gay" and "straight" (and "marriage") to this Dwarven society that might not even have these as concepts at all.
So Bolka could very well expect men to marry women without any agenda against homosexuality. She wants the dwarves to get married and establish a line of "legitimate" children. Who else the dwarves have sex with outside of the marriage, is of no concern to her.