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Cayden Cailean

Snorb's page

FullStar Pathfinder Society GM. 197 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 2 Pathfinder Society characters.


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Liberty's Edge

Considering the paladin was going crazy (half of his time was spent dealing horrible verbal/physical/psychological abuse to my gnome ranger/fighter) I wouldn't be surprised if he'd silently fallen and was just shouting "SMITE EVIL!!!" at people up to six times per day.

Scotty: He did indeed get three Smites off-- the bolded Smite $&%#ing Evil was reserved for Xanderghaul, the other two went to two other named potential villains. (Our DM heavily modified Rise of the Runelords so we wound up fighting all seven of the Runelords. The other two opponents in the fight against Xanderghaul were two other factions interested in having our party's power as Runelords. Except mine-- I failed my Runelord of Wrath test and wound up calling every single wizard we met since the tests "that jacka##$%*! wizard who did it." Including the one in our party.)

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Iron Gods: We just defeated Kullgra (well, two of us did; the other two were busy with Hellgarth) and our party's magic-hating barbarian wanted her chainsaw.

"Okay, standard action: I move over Kullgra's corpse. Move action: I pick up her chainsaw! Swift action! (mimicking pulling the start cord on a chainsaw) RrrrRENG-ENG-ENG-ENG! BzzzZZzzzzzzZZzzzzZZ!"

And from our long-since completed Rise of the Runelords campaign, where our paladin who was growing more and more insane by the day finally came across a whole bunch of evil guys to fight.

"Okay: Swift action, (points at one guy) Smite Evil! Move action, (points at another guy) Smite Evil! Standard action, (points at the third guy) Smite F*#*ing Evil!"

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@Shisumo: He did-- he even specifically told us that he moved Kullgra to the arena just so Jagg could fight her and get into the Excavator with her chainsaw, and he told us (right before the session, no less) that he was replacing some of the mounted kobold's feats.

To be fair, we should have known something was up when he asked "Hey, Cory, Spirited Charge does triple damage if you're using a lance, right? What are the prereqs for it?"

And yes, he and the entire group know about these. Hell, I even got chided for forgetting that after Mira died, Jagg's player shouted at him "G%% d@@n it, Damien! I just finished painting her mini!!"

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Name: Mira (Red)
Race: Human
Origin: Pellaos, our world's 'MURICA with guns.
Adventure: Lords of Rust
Location: The Excavator beneath the city of Scrapyard
What Done It: Hellion

Before we begin this one, there are a few things I need to point out about our group's run in Iron Gods:

  • Mike the DM moved Kullgra (the half orc with the chainsaw) from her encounter in the Excavator to joining Hellgarth the troll in Scrapyard's arena, so we went into this fight one +1 chainsaw richer.
  • We went to the arena after saving Whitefist because the Lords of Rust captured Mira (her player missed the game) and threatened to publicly execute her.
  • What followed was probably one of the goriest battles I've ever seen in Pathfinder, where Jagg, son of Krung the Now-Properly-Spelled, and Tharja got thoroughly soaked in each others' (and Kullgra's) blood.

How Gory Was My Battle: Jagg took three hits from that damn chainsaw, I took one. With his barbarian-raging masterwork falchion and my Amulet of Mighty Fists-enhanced punching power, we took Kullgra down in a few rounds. Mike and I were describing all the gore that went all over the place. Meanwhile, Murph and Singer (our skald, a replacement for Sakit who died a couple posts up) were busy taking care of Hellgarth.

Defining "Taking Care Of": Singer got shot with an autograpple, then dragged ten feet as Hellgarth rode her mechanical chariot close enough to take a swing at Murph. Murph cast Forbid Action on the horses, bringing them to a sudden stop as he said "I forbid you to move!" Hellgarth found out how inertia works when she botched her Reflex save to stay in the chariot and got hurled ten feet over the horses' backs.

Singer: (realizing he's still attached to the autograpple that Hellgarth's still holding) Oh, $#+&!!! (gets dragged ten feet on his face)

Meanwhile, Tharja and Jagg are finishing off Kullgra. Kullgra dies, and one of the best lines we ever had at the table comes out.

Jagg's Player: Okay, standard action! I move over Kullgra's corpse! Move action, I pick up her chainsaw! Swift action! (mimics pulling the starter cord on a chainsaw) RENG-ENG-ENG-ENG-ENG! BzzzzZzzZZZZZzzzZZZ!!

Now that said, on to what got Mira put into this situation.

Rampancy Ain't Just a Halo Thing: As we return to the arena, Hellion starts taunting us and threatening us. I should note that Mike asked me to describe how he changed Hellion's appearance, as the book's picture of him sucked. So imagine something like the Master Control Program from TRON with Wheatley's personality and Max Headroom's com-computer gen-gener-nerated sw-sw-swagger, and you have our group's Hellion.

We fight our way down through the Excavator, fun things happen. Tharja gets impaled by a kobold with Spirited Charge (changed from the book, Mike thought the build was suboptimal, thanks a lot), Jagg drinks spent nuclear waste and the only ill effect he has is vomiting, we smash a bunch of expensive holographic emitters and monitors displaying Hellion's ugly mug. The usual murderhoboistry.

She'll Ram Her Ovipositor Down Your Throat and Lay Her Eggs In Your Chest. But She's Not An Alien: At the bottom, we meet the xill that's trapped in there. She offers us safe passage to Hellion's chamber if we'll remove the curse binding her down there. We debate this, I shout the bolded sentences from the start of this paragraph to the group. Murph seriously considers it, Jagg realizes that we're here to kill Hellion anyway, so he shouts out "Hey! Hellion! We're here to get you!"

Hellion marches out, the fight begins with the xill unable to do anything. (Murph also tried running away.) The battle didn't quite go as well as we planned.

I went down in a spray of blood while Singer was trying to cast Bull's Strength on Jagg. He had to abort that to pull my butt out of the sling.

Murphy failed a Will save, got confused for eight rounds.

Singer (eventually) went down as well, after taunting something with Divine Initiative to "BRING IIIIT." (Spoiler: He did. Twice.)

A critical hit from one of Hellion's claws winds up crushing Mira, bringing her down as her spleen ruptures, causing her to start internally bleeding. Meanwhile, Hellion and Jagg are in an endurance match to see whether Jagg can chainsaw through Hellion before Hellion can beat our barbarian to death.

For Want of a Nail: All Murphy needs to do is roll one successfully low roll on a confusion check to act naturally so he can channel and save Mira's life. Nope. All he kept getting were "hurt nearest creature" and "contemplate navel."

Mira proceeded to crap out on us.

Then, fortuitous events happen. One of Hellion's claws gets stuck in something thanks to a fumble, and he can't pull it out. (The curse of low rolls striketh us all...) Jagg proceeds to help him out-- first by chainsawing through the stuck claw arm, then the rest of Hellion's body, finishing off the artificial intelligence menace.

Now, the fun thing about Hellion: Once he drops to 0 or fewer HP, he autodestructs, and (amazingly) Tharja, Singer, and Jagg manage to survive the ensuing plasma-fueled explosion. (Hell, Jagg's the only one with more than 0 HP after it's all rolled out!) Murph starts channeling like all hell, we realize as we regain consciousness that Mira's not moving.

After talking/shaming Murphy out of using a scroll of Animate Dead to raise Mira as a skele-creature or whatever he was planning, we decide to pick her body up and make the long march back to town to get Raise Dead cast on her.

Jagg: (while Murph's Speak With Dead spell is still active on Mira) Red, you realize this is coming out of your share of the treasure!

Mira's Corpse: Yeah... =(

The Unusual Part: We realize that we were rewarded with a scroll of Resurrection back in Book One! So we all get our filthy filthy silverdiscs, Mira comes back from the dead (almost) good as new, and we're on to Book Three!

So, yeah. That's the first one of these I've ever written where the obituary's subject came back from the dead.

Don't look at me like that, I suggested that we should do what Shin Megami Tensei IV did and bribe Charon the ferryman into letting us come back to life.

...Oh, and not surprisingly, Hellion was a load-bearing boss, the xill realized that we weren't going to be setting her free at all.

Liberty's Edge

Hell, just steal the Buck Rogers: High Adventure Cliffhangers rule for initiative-- the PCs go first (Hey, they're the heroes, so why not?)

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Gulian:

I've only ever played a druid about once. So, not exactly 100% qualified to make any changes about them! (At least you didn't say anything about me accidentally leaving the paladin section blank because I forgot not making any changes to the paladin because they work as intended! =p)

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You know the DM is out to get you when tarrasques show up in the random encounter table.

At first level.

Liberty's Edge

Oh boy. Where in the world am I gonna start...

Oh. yeah. Duh.

Mechanics that will be A Thing in Pathfinder as I'd write it: Spending dice from a die pool to fuel/improve actions.

Barbarians
Rage will not affect your Constitution. Instead, you get temporary hit points equal to twice your barbarian level, and you get a morale bonus to Fortitude as well as Will.

While you're raging, you have a pool of d8s that you can roll to give you attack/damage bonuses. (This is going to be a recurring theme.) For each rage die missing from your pool, you get a -1 penalty to your Armor Class.

Bards
My big change to the bard, inspired from the d20 version of Everquest: You no longer get spells/day. You are a non-magical bard.

In exchange, you get a much, much greater selection of bardic music. Think something like 2 + Cha mod songs known at first level, and you gain one every level.

You can perform one song at a time, and you can add additional song effects into the mix with ever-increasing difficulties on Perform checks. (Like, you start with Inspire Courage to boost the party's attack rolls, next round you make a DC 20 Perform check, so you can add in a Song of Soothing to grant some fast healing.)

Clerics
Let's keep this simple: You get a limited amount of spells known, just like the sorcerer. You can spontaneously cast any of them that you know. (Cure/Inflict Wounds never count against your spells known.)

So why choose a deity? Because besides granting you a favored weapon, your deity grants you additional bonus known spells and an additional effect to your Channel Energy ability, depending on your chosen domains (Water channeling can heal creatures with the Water subtype or harm creatures with the Fire subtype.)

Druids
Hoo boy. I've not played druids much. I actually don't really have much of an idea of how I'd alter them.

Maybe I'd just "borrow" the Pyeryem [shapechanging] stuff from 7th Sea, where you have to negotiate with animals to get their spirit selves so you can wild shape.

Hell, maybe I'd add something similar to Deadlands' shaman magic, where you have to appease the spirits of nature in order to cast spells.

Fighters
First major change, and this affects every class as a whole: The fighter is the only class in the entire game that gets to make iterative attacks. Period. You want more attacks in a round? Either put a knife in your left hand, or become a fighting-man with the most hits.

And yes, you can move ten feet, make two swings of your sword, then move your other twenty feet before making your third attack.

That said, let's take a cue from Fifth Edition's Martial Master fighter. You get martial superiority dice. You can spend those dice to essentially Power Attack, Combat Expertise, Accurate Attack, give yourself instant damage reduction, add a knockback/knockdown effect to your attack, &c.

Monks
First things first: If you take monk levels, you must make Bruce Lee sounds every so often during combat. Qwo poo.

Stupidity aside, monks get ki. You can use the ki to fire energy beams (1d6 damage/round spent charging your ki, and yes, you have to roleplay it as "Kame-hame-hame-hame-hadouken!"). You can use ki to run along/up walls or on water/other liquids (just make sure you have a safe place to stop moving.) You get to flurry, of course, and you get your monk defense and fast movement as normal.

You also get to pick a monastic tradition which affects some of your monk abilities. The Order of the Gentle Rain, for example, gives you a better wholeness of body ability, while the Order of the White Tiger gives you faster monk unarmed damage progression.

Paladins

Rangers
You are a master of the hunt, you should have something better than a flat +2 to hit and damage against favored enemies. I'd go with "roll 2d20 and use the better roll" for attack rolls on your favored enemies, and starting at second level (and every 3 levels after) you get +1d6 damage against your favored enemies.

Rogues
Rogues can excel at sneak attacking, but there is some very limited opportunity to do so. They can do melee sneak attacks against enemies they flank like normal, and they can do both melee and ranged sneak attacks against enemies that at least two other party members are engaging in melee.

Sorcerers
You're mana-based now. You still get spells known, of course. (Metamagic feats increase the mana cost of the spell you're trying to cast.) Every few levels, you get one metamagic permanently attached to one spell for free. You're like a wu jen!

The drawback to this power: You are not entirely in control of your magic. You get to randomly determine your spells' energy type.

Wizards
I'd enforce the old Second Edition limits on just how many spells a wizard can have in his spellbook, but that's just me.

Oh, and speaking of spellbooks: Your spellbook doesn't necessarily have to be a book. It can be a very very long scroll written in a script that looks like musical notation; it can be a series of glass discs engraved with arcane writing that looks proto-Elven; it can be the fighter's old shield that you engraved Braille-like writing on the back of; hell, you can just pull a Star Ocean 3 and tattoo your entire spellbook onto your person with mysterious arcane ritae. Just remember that you can always be separated from your spellbooks! (And in the case of the spellbook tattoos, you're entirely at the mercy of your DM as to what ill effects you suffer there.)

Liberty's Edge

An opportunity attack is exactly that: You attack your opponent because he gave you the opportunity.

Attacking someone requires an attack roll.

Attack rolls threaten a critical hit on a 20 (or lower, weapon/enchantments depending.)

So yes, you can critical someone on an opportunity attack.

Liberty's Edge

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Blood! Blood For Armok, God of Blood!
Maintain barbarian rage for thirty consecutive rounds during combat.

Carter Beats the Devil
Somehow manage to get at least three good cards from a Deck of Many Things.

Cursed (Weapon) With Awesome
Use a Berserking Sword in combat, despite knowing about its cursed nature.

Free Bird!
Maintain a bardic performance for thirty consecutive rounds during combat.

How Breaking Bad Should Have Ended
Throw fifteen alchemist bombs during one combat.

I %#$&ed a Mermaid
If you're reading this achievement's description, you probably met it already.

I Wish I Had a Better Rules Lawyer
Get screwed over by a poorly-worded Wish spell.

Liberty's Edge

James Bond: (after a shootout in a drug lab, followed by a very long and awesome chase on tanker trucks filled with gasoline and cocaine that involved rolling one of them over a cliff, crawls away from the wreckage of said gasoline/cocaine-filled tanker truck, covered in grime and sweat, his clothes tattered. He only gets about five steps before crawling face-first into a machete)

Franz Sanchez: (the owner of said tanker trucks that were wrecked by 007, thoroughly soaked in gasoline from head to toe; now standing triumphant above Bond, holding a machete in his face. He grabs Bond, hauling him to his feet before slamming him against a rock) You could have had everything! (raises the machete, ready to chop Bond into dog food)

James Bond: Don't you want to know why?

Sanchez: (hesitates)

Bond: (pulls out his cigar lighter from the beginning of the movie, engraved "To James - Love Always, Della and Felix" ...and proceeds to light Sanchez's jacket on fire)

Sanchez's Fiery Death: D: (screams and flails around for about six seconds while on fire, before his knees buckle and he collapses into a puddle of gasoline... that's oozing from the tanker truck! The gasoline ignites in a burst of flame and starts trailing up to the tanker)

Bond: D: D: D: (hauls ass, diving behind a rock outcropping)

Tanker Truck: (bursts into flames) (COLOSSAL EXPLOSION!)

Liberty's Edge

This was something I was coming up with for a d20 variant that (like most pen and paper games I try working on) might ultimately go nowhere, but:

Elves (or in their language, the elowaan) were one of the first races on Istoria. They split into four distinct subraces, referred to as the Courts, following the conclusion of the War of the Solstice millennia ago. No matter what Court they belong to, all elves have ears that taper to points, and the sclera of their eyes is tinted the same color as their irises.

All elves have the following characteristics:


  • Elves are Medium creatures, and their base movement speed is 30' (6 squares) per round.
  • Elves have low light vision. They can see twice as far as a human normally can in low light (such as by torchlight or starlight.)
  • Elves do not sleep; they instead enter an instinctive meditative trance for eight hours. Any sleep effect that affects an elf brings them into this meditative state.
  • Elves choose from one of the three extant Courts. Their choice of Court cannot be changed.

Autumn Elves
Autumn elves, also called wood elves, are the elves most frequently encountered by Istorians. They tend to have either red, brown, or copper-colored hair (sometimes blonde,) and their eye color tends to be green or brown. During the War of the Solstice, the autumn elves maintained a strict neutrality amongst their elven brethren.

  • Autumn elves gain a +1 bonus on attack rolls made with traditional elven weapons (longbows, longswords, rapiers, and shortbows.) This bonus increases by +1 at fourth level and every four levels thereafter.

Summer Elves
Summer elves, also called sun elves, are the elves most frequently described in tales and lore. They were the victorious faction in the War of the Solstice, but despite this victory, summer elves tend to look down on non-elves. They have a particular disdain for winter elves. Summer elves typically have blonde hair, and usually have blue or green eyes.

  • Summer elves have a +2 bonus on any roll made to defeat spell resistance. This bonus increases by +1 at fourth level and every four levels thereafter.

Winter Elves
Winter elves, or snow elves, were the elven Court greatest affected by the War of the Solstice. Despite superior numbers, the winter elves were no match for the Summer Court's magic, and the snow elves were forced to return to the only lands that would have them-- the frozen reaches of the Winterlands, near Istoria's northern pole. Winter elves typically have black or blue hair, and their eyes tend towards shades of blue or purple.

  • Winter elves intrinsically resist cold damage.
  • Winter elves are not generally liked by the people of Istoria. All non-winter or non-autumn elves are one step less friendly than usual towards a winter elf (someone who would normally be neutral would be unfriendly, for example.)

So, What About Spring Elves?:

Nobody on Istoria is quite sure just what happened to elves of the Spring Court; they seem to have disappeared just before the beginning of the War of the Solstice. At the war's conclusion, some people say the spring elves reemerged, but they were changed drastically. Their ears became rounded, and they looked upon the other elves with fear, awe, respect, and curiosity.

The gist of it is, essentially, spring elves are humans.

Liberty's Edge

I still maintain the very best description of all nine alignments ever was in the AD&D 2e Player's Handbook.

The chaotic neutral character, outraged at the totally tactless (but correct) accusation of cowardice...

Liberty's Edge

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Lawful Good: While the party is (more or less) expected to be A Champion against Evil, you have a different calling. You are expected to be The Champion Against Evil. And no, a few levels of Jesus Lite won't make up for the last three Locate City bombs you pulled.

Neutral Good: I know, I know, everything I do is for the greater good of society, yeah, I got that. I don't kill people, I only screw over those that truly deserve it, it's just... sometimes 30' per round is a little too slow, you know?

Chaotic Good: You do things for society's sake and damn the consequences. Yes. I know that. Now can you stop quoting V For Vendetta as your spells' verbal components already?!

Lawful Neutral: For the last time, you are not Judge Dredd with Magic Missiles. Stop pushing the letter of the law and obey the spirit of it; you don't need to beat the dwarf to death for "assault with intent to kill" simply because he chest-poked you once during a bar fight.

True Neutral: Eh, who cares, you're boring. Seriously, pick a side already. Sailor Moon, Doctor Doom, Joffrey Lannister, the Eighth Doctor, Robocop, Judge Dredd, Batman, Kevin Bacon, just emulate one of them. Please. I'm sick of having you resist Holy Smite, Unholy Blight, Chaos Hammer, and Order's Wrath every damn time I call for it.

Chaotic Neutral: Yes, I know. I know. "It's all about MEEEEEE" is the new "But... but I'm roleplaying my character! ;_;" for the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Fourteen. And yes, your friends on Team Studly Do-Right should be ready for your sudden and inevitable betrayal once Dick Dastardly and the Really Rottens start getting their asses kicked again.

Lawful Evil: I was expecting "rule the world with a velvet-covered fist," not "do what I say or eat sword." Subtlety is key here. Sub. Tul. Tee. ...I never should have let the barbarian go lawful evil.

Neutral Evil: "What's in it for you?" You've asked that on the last four adventures. Each time the answer's been the same: "Because we ain't got an adventure without a full party your 'friends' are watching your back and you're getting filthy filthy platinum coins out of this; maybe a castle and/or a hot princess to deflower and convert to the ways of evil, too. I dunno.

Chaotic Evil: Look, I'll be honest, I'm not expecting anything more than "cartoonishly evil supervillainy" out of you. You might as well twirl your mustache while wearing your fully concealing pitch-black full plate, and why not kick some CR 1/3 puppies while going "Mwa-hahahahaha~!" every so often? And stop humming Golbez's theme every time you use bardic performance.

Liberty's Edge

Occult Adventures-Related Achievements:

Bell, Book, Candle... And All This Other Crap
Earn twenty levels of the occultist class.

More Energy Bolts Than Iron Man
Earn twenty levels of the kineticist class.

Rules-Patched Action Economy
Multiclass summoner/spiritualist.

Spirit Guide
Earn twenty levels of the spiritualist class.

Taste the Rainbow
Use composite kinetic blasts 100 times.

The Embodiment of >=(
Earn twenty levels of the mesmerist class.

The Psionicist Who Did It
Earn twenty levels of the psychic class.

The Voices in My Head Got Me This
Earn twenty levels of the medium class.

Psionics Unleashed-Related Achievements:

Del Grande Syndrome
Kill fifty opponents with the Mind Thrust psionic power or psychic spell.

Look At Me, I'm Psylocke
Earn twenty levels of the soulknife class.

Mind Over Matter
Take the Psionic Body feat and choose psionic feats for every available feat slot.

Reality Warper
Earn twenty levels of the psion class.

The Magus of Psionics
Earn twenty levels of the psychic warrior class.

Wild Mage... Err, Psion. Whatever.
Earn twenty levels of the wilder class.

Alternate Class-Related Feats:

I'm the Bad Guy, It's What I Do
Earn twenty levels of the antipaladin class.

Katanas Are NOT Overpowered
Earn twenty levels of the samurai class.

Ninja Vanish!
Earn twenty levels of the ninja class.

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Nero: (watching the Jellyfish rapidly approaching, followed by the Alternate Universe Enterprise) FIRE EVERYTHING!! I want Spock DEAD, now!!

Liberty's Edge

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Minor villain, followed by heroic response.

Ayel: (is choking Kirk one-handed, dangling him over a large dropoff somewhere in the Narada's bowels) You humans are even weaker than I thought.
Kirk: (indistinct pained gagging)
Ayel: You can't even speak.
Kirk: (gagging again, hard to make out)
Ayel: What was that?
Kirk: (strained) "I got your gun."

(Kirk proceeds to rip Ayel's disruptor pistol from its holster and fires, blowing a hole through Ayel's guts)

Liberty's Edge

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One I missed before. Because I'm stupid.

For SCIENCE~!!
Earn twenty levels in the alchemist class.

...anyway.

Mythic-Related Feats:

Don't Need That Fumble Deck Anymore
Learn the Always a Chance champion ability.

I Can See Through Time
Earn ten tiers of the hierophant mythic path.

More Powerful Than Any Man In History
Earn ten tiers of the champion mythic path.

Nakama
Earn ten tiers of the guardian mythic path.

Seven Nation Army
Earn ten tiers of the marshal mythic path.

Thief of Fate
Earn ten tiers of the trickster mythic path.

The First Step on a Far Greater Path
Become a mythic character.

The Wizard Who Did It
Earn ten tiers of the archmage mythic path.

Prestige Class-Related Achievements:

Better a Smartarse Than a Dumbarse
Earn ten levels of the loremaster prestige class.

Beyond the Wall
Earn ten levels of the Pathfinder chronicler prestige class.

Breath of Fire (or Cold, or Electric, or Acid)
Earn ten levels of the dragon disciple prestige class.

Dodge! Parry! Spin! Thrust!
Earn ten levels of the duelist prestige class.

Elven Archer Is Best Archer
Earn ten levels of the arcane archer prestige class.

I Am! The RED! MAGE!
Earn ten levels of the mystic theurge prestige class. Red hat with feather required.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
Take a level in a prestige class.

OG Ninja
Earn ten levels of the arcane trickster prestige class.

Phantom Thief (Your Name Here)
Earn ten levels of the shadowdancer prestige class.

Retconned By Ultimate Magic
Multiclass magus/eldritch knight.

Spell and Sword
Earn ten levels of the eldritch knight prestige class.

You Are Already Dead
Earn ten levels of the assassin prestige class.

Liberty's Edge

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The Hall of Shame: Achievements You Won't Brag About!

Black and Blue (and Yellow and Green and...)
Take 1000 cumulative Bludgeoning damage.

Dropped the Wrong Kind of Acid
Take 1000 cumulative Acid damage.

EEEEEE EEEEEEEE
TAKE 1000 CUMULATIVE SONIC DAMAGE, AND FORGIVE ME FOR SHOUTING.

Extra Crispy
Take 1000 cumulative Fire damage.

Extreme Hypertension
Take 1000 cumulative bleed damage.

Fresh as the Daisies I Was Pushin' Up
Mitigate or remove the aftereffects of coming back from the dead.

Hurk!!
Take 1000 cumulative precision damage.

It Tastes Like Burning
Take 1000 cumulative Positive Energy damage.

Life... CLINGS to Me Like a Disease
Survive a coup de grace attempt.

Lightning Plains Flashbacks
Take 1000 cumulative Electric damage.

More Like Revolving Door to Death's Kingdom
Come back from the dead five times.

Porcupine With Feathers
Take 1000 cumulative Piercing damage.

(Star Trek Phaser Sound Effect)
Get killed by a Disintegrate spell or spell effect.

The Black Energy Wave
Take 1000 cumulative Negative Energy damage.

They're Tally Marks, Not Scars
Take 1000 cumulative Slashing damage.

We Have Reinforcements
Have a level 1 character die, write a "II" after his name on the character sheet... and have him die, too.

Wi Nøt Trei a Høliday in Sweden This Yër?
Take 1000 cumulative Cold damage.

Liberty's Edge

Quark Blast wrote:

How 'bout the one where the whole game world is mish-mash of tropes from a dozen unrelated fictional settings and non-fictional time periods. Each one carelessly vivisected from it's original narrative scope and plopped unceremoniously next to the others with no real attempt at integration. All this strung over a pre-existing game mechanic framework that manifestly does not support the trope-menagerie playing style proffered by the game designer.

I would say more but it might get me in trouble. ;>

Forgotten Realms? =p

Liberty's Edge

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Class Specific Achievements:

And I, Your Faithful Chronicler
Earn twenty levels in the bard class.

Aragorn Was Here (Twenty Levels Ago)
Earn twenty levels in the ranger class.

Arr B'Garr, Mateys!! Yarrrr~
Earn twenty levels in the swashbuckler class. Pirate accent optional.

Das ist Boxing, Little Mac
Earn twenty levels in the brawler class.

Elementary, My Dear...
Earn twenty levels in the investigator class.

Favored Soul
Earn twenty levels in the oracle class.

Fifth Edition Spellcaster
Earn twenty levels in the arcanist class.

First Edition Elf
Earn twenty levels in the magus class.

I Hate Everything
Earn twenty levels in the slayer class.

I Speak For the Trees
Earn twenty levels in the druid class.

I Was Never Here
Earn twenty levels in the rogue class.

I'm On a Mission From God
Earn twenty levels in the paladin class.

In the Name of the Moon
Earn twenty levels in the cleric class.

Mordenkainen's Learn-as-you-Earn Syllabus
Earn twenty levels in the wizard class.

NOBODY Expects...
Earn twenty levels in the inquisitor class.

One With the Spirits
Earn twenty levels in the shaman class.

Power Begets Power
Earn twenty levels in the sorcerer class.

Rage Mage
Earn twenty levels in the bloodrager class.

Shall We Burn Him/Her?
Earn twenty levels in the witch class.

The Berserker-Packing Man and a Half
Earn twenty levels in the barbarian class.

The Greatest Redshirt Who Ever Lived
Earn twenty levels in the fighter class.

The Original Heavy Metal Hair Band
Earn twenty levels in the skald class.

The Player Character With No Name
Earn twenty levels in the gunslinger class.

Too Bad Animal Companions Don't Get Teamwork Feats
Earn twenty levels in the hunter class.

Where Is Your God Now?
Earn twenty levels in the warpriest class.

White Knighting
Earn twenty levels in the cavalier class.

Why Fight When My Friends Can Do It For Me?
Earn twenty levels in the summoner class.

Your Kung Fu is Weak, Old Man
Earn twenty levels in the monk class.

Jade Regent Campaign Achievements:

Biff the Understudy
Amaya Kaijitsu is used in this campaign due to Ameiko's death during the Rise of the Runelords Adventure Path.

Biff the Understudy's Understudy
A replacement Kaijitsu scion is required due to Amaya's death during the Council of Thieves Adventure Path. Way to go.

Brinewall's Legacy Revealed
Complete Book One of the Jade Regent Adventure Path.

Don't Mess With the Sczarni, Kid
Enter a rivalry with Sandru Vhiski.

Double Dishonor
Accept all five ancestors' bargains for their blessings.

Dragon Lady
Enter a rivalry with Ameiko or Amaya Kaijitsu.

Emperor/Empress Consort
Enter a romantic relationship with Ameiko or Amaya Kaijitsu.

Empty No More
Complete Book Six of the Jade Regent Adventure Path.

Frozen Shadows Shattered
Complete Book Two of the Jade Regent Adventure Path.

Her Bad Side is a Dangerous Place to Be
Enter a rivalry with Shalelu Andosana.

Hungry Storm Starved
Complete Book Three of the Jade Regent Adventure Path.

In All Things, Honor
Fight all five ancestors for their family blessings.

It's Not Paranoia If You Think She's Out to Get You
Enter a rivalry with Koya Mvashti.

May-December
Enter a romantic relationship with Koya Mvashti.

Saving the Forest of Spirits
Complete Book Five of the Jade Regent Adventure Path.

Taming the Tide of Honor
Complete Book Five of the Jade Regent Adventure Path.

Tetsu- err, Taitoooooo~!
Taito Kaijutsu survived the Rise of the Runelords Adventure Path to become a thorn in your side.

Those Vagabond Shoes
Enter a romantic relationship with Sandru Vhiski.

True Love is (Almost) Forever
Enter a romantic relationship with Shalelu Andosana.

Damage-Specific Achievements:

Alkali Flats
Deal 1000 cumulative Acid damage.

A Mighty (Wussy) Swing
Deal 1 damage due to a negative Strength modifier.

Clue-By-Four
Deal 1000 cumulative Bludgeoning damage.

Don't Stare Into the Sun
Deal 1000 cumulative Positive Energy damage.

Eh, You Didn't Want to Live Anymore Anyway
Deal 1000 cumulative Negative Energy damage.

Feel the Beat
Deal 1000 cumulative Sonic damage.

Get the Point
Deal 1000 cumulative Piercing damage.

Like Hoth
Deal 1000 cumulative Cold damage.

Might & Mutilation
Deal 1000 cumulative Slashing damage.

Pyroclasm
Deal 1000 cumulative Fire damage.

The Druid Had the Right Idea
Deal 1000 cumulative Electric damage.

Touched (In the Side) (Of the Head)
Deal 1500 cumulative precision damage.

Wrath of God
Deal 1000 cumulative Unstoppable damage from smite effects.

Liberty's Edge

I enjoy Death to Ability Scores type games! =D

Liberty's Edge

Well, we had our party's first death in Iron Gods tonight! Which means I get to write one of these again after the "successful" (read: ten-high pile of corpses) Jade Regent AP Obituary Thread! =D

(READ: I'm back, baby!)

Name: Sakit
Race: Android
Origin: ...Considering he's an android, I'm going to go with "Torch," because that's where our party first met him. Otherwise, Deneb? Maybe?
Adventure: Fires of Creation
Location: Black Hill Caves
What Done It: Offended the WRONG vegepygmy

A Note On Arretan Androids: Androids on Arret are not the "humans with subdermal circuit board tattoos replacing their bonus feat" that the Technology Guide wants us to believe; instead, they are humanoids made entirely out of chrome. Think the Persona from the Sega Genesis version of Shadowrun, and you're about there.

Anyway.

The Setup: Sakit was an android who claimed to have invented the arcanist class, and thus he saw himself and his companion android, Murphy (a cleric who multiclassed into impossible sorcerer for (no answer given)) as perfect companions to find out just what the hell happened to Torch's eerie purple column of ungodly halation. Joining them are:

*Tharja, a human brawler played by me. She had a decidedly crappy childhood growing up somewhere in Pellaos that was half orphanage and half Fight Club (minus the domestic terrorism.) I have to keep insisting that I'm playing a female character. Most definitely not dressed like her namesake from Fire Emblem: Awakening.

*Jag, son of Krong; a human barbarian played by my best friend who absolutely hates magic in every way shape and form. He had to be convinced that a +1 cloak of resistance was making him more resilient because it was a technological device and completely nonmagical.

*Mira, nicknamed Red; a human investigator played by Damien who fights with a rapier. For an investigator, she doesn't seem to do much investigating, but her skill with a rapier is... well, it's about as decent as a character with d8 Base Attack Bonus progression is gonna allow, but what can one do? Using Inspiration to boost attack rolls really sucks.

Machine (Lack of) Empathy: Besides the fact that Murphy isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, Sakit had a complete tendency to say anything on his mind. He was entirely emotionless until we came along, and that's not the best thing. Murphy taught Sakit that you can console any humanoid by patting their shoulder twice and saying "There there" completely unconvincingly, and so Sakit tried doing it on everybody whose lives we ruined.

Oh, I should mention that his favorite spell was Burning Hands, and his favorite (and only because he didn't live long enough to see third level) arcanist exploit was Potent Magic, preferring to use his arcane points to boost caster level.

Not So Alien Invasion: So as we explore the science deck and sickbay of the crashed alien ship (whose habitat dome gave me some serious Phantasy Star III and IV flashbacks) we come across vegepygmies! Seven of them! We give the usual "You're invading our land!! >=(" response with "Well, we come peacefully; maybe there's something we can do for you for safe passage and information." We get as far as "Wel-" before Sakit incinerates the entire lot of them with a CL 4 Burning Hands.

At this point, I ask Mike the DM, "Mike, just... how many of them did he catch in the blast?" Mike enthusiastically responds "Yes! =D"

Undeterred, we enter the hydroponics bay. And we meet the Papa Vegepygmy. He asks what happened, Sakit lies and says "I don't know, but I think they left," the vegepygmy goes to check.

Reap The Thunder~: So once the vegepygmy's done crying to whatever God they worship, he enters and accuses us of killing his children. Sakit (foolishly, wisely) says "Nope! They're nonmagical! I killed them with Burning Hands! =D"

The vegepygmy, Mike the DM tells us, is visibly holding back his extreme displeasure.

Sakit reaches out to him, pats him on the shoulder twice, and says "There there" fairly unconvincingly.

The vegepygmy caves in Sakit's head with a critical hit on his +1 warhammer, dropping him to -11 hit points.

Mira starts to search Sakit for a healing potion.

Jag tries to stop the fight.

Murphy casts Cure Light Wounds, recovering a meager 4 HP for Sakit.

The vegepygmy screams "I'm gonna make babies with YOUR CORPSE!!!" and coup de graces Sakit. (I don't do anything because I rolled poorly on my initiative roll.)

The party's survivors decide Sakit totally had his brutal death coming, and we make peace with the vegepygmy. (To the point where we traded Sakit's masterwork quarterstaff for that +1 warhammer.)

What Comes Next: Sakit's player was offered the chance to play Salvum Trett; after considering it, he politely declined and said he was gonna make a skald. Which is cool, because that'll pair nicely with Jag's barbarian rage and Tharja's Pummeling Style.

An Afterword: Jag decided the party should mourn Sakit's death; none of us seemed pretty eager to (and considering the bulk of the party is Chaotic Neutral, that should say how deserved it was.) Instead, Murphy decided, "Nah, we should! (pats Mira's shoulder twice) There there. (pats Jag's shoulder twice) There there. (starts to pat Tharja's shoulder; she parries it, so Murph pats her other shoulder twice) There there."

Liberty's Edge

The links to your stuff don't exist. ;_;

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Along For the Ride
Successfully drag 50 enemies.

And You're the Chump
Successfully use dirty tricks against 50 enemies.

Boot to the Head
Successfully overrun 50 enemies.

Faceplant
Get tripped by 10 enemies.

I Am Not Left-Handed
Successfully feint 50 enemies.

Just Hit Him With Your Sword
Successfully grapple 50 enemies.

Like Crappy Potato Chips
Successfully sunder 50 enemies' gear.

Linebacker Shoulders
Bull rush 50 enemies at least 10' (2 squares) each.

Martial Grease Spell
Successfully disarm 50 enemies.

Mine!
Successfully disarm 20 enemies by taking their weapons.

On Yer Backs
Successfully trip 50 enemies.

Shir of the Winds
Successfully steal from 50 enemies during combat.

This! Is! &c.
Successfully reposition 50 enemies.

Wait, What? Whatever
Actually use the Combat Expertise feat as intended.

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Some of these are gonna be reposted from my previous achievements thread post, which was (a few years ago). =p

Athasian
Kill 100 enemies with the Plant type.

Back to the Time War, Rassilon
Kill 100 enemies with the Outsider type.

Bleaching
Kill 100 enemies with the Gnome subtype.

Boatmurdered Memorial Achievement
Kill 100 enemies with the Dwarf subtype.

Butterfingers!
Every attack you made in one session was an automatic miss.

Crippling Overspecialization
Take every weapon-specific feat (Weapon Focus, Weapon Specialization, Greater Weapon Focus, Improved Critical, and Greater Weapon Specialization) and apply it to one weapon.

Dammit, Who Has the Most Hit Points?
Take over 400 damage during a single combat without dropping unconscious.

Elemental Ailment
Kill 100 enemies with the Elemental subtype.

Hide Behind the Mountain of Dead Bards
At least five party members died during the campaign.

Holy Crap Your Not Serious Are You
Take one level in the alchemist, arcanist, barbarian, bard, bloodrager, brawler, cavalier, cleric, druid, fighter, gunslinger, hunter, inquisitor, investigator, magus, monk, oracle, paladin, ranger, rogue, shaman, skald, slayer, sorcerer, summoner, swashbuckler, warpriest, witch, and wizard classes.

I Am Villain! Now I Am Badass
Shift your alignment to Evil.

I Attack the Darkness
Successfully make twenty attacks in total darkness and/or against invisible foes.

I Cast a Spell
Kill one person with a maximized CL 9+ magic missile spell.

I *Crawl* Down the Corridor
Accidentally set off five traps you are aware of.

I Never Asked For This
Fill every available cyberware slot.

It's Plus Nine Against Ogres
Kill 100 enemies with the Monstrous Humanoid type.

Join the Scout Service, They Said
Have your character die due to your party's badly misaimed spells.

Just Take a Level of Fighter Already
Successfully attack five opponents despite having a total attack bonus of -1 or worse.

Kain the Wrecker
Kill 100 enemies with the Construct type.

Kender, Halfling, What's the Difference?
Kill 100 enemies with the Halfling subtype.

Krud Kut
Kill 100 enemies with the Ooze type.

Like Rabbits
Kill 100 enemies with the Human subtype.

Not So Great Fortitude
Fail 100 Fortitude saves.

Not So Pretentious NOW
Kill 100 enemies with the Elf subtype.

OhhHhHHHHHHhhhh, OH! Fumble!!
Fail five saving throws that would only fail if you rolled a 1.

PeTA's $#&+ List
Kill 100 enemies with the Animal type.

Plasticine Will
Fail 100 Will saves.

Ponderous Reflexes
Fail 100 Reflex saves.

Rip and Tear
Deliver 200+ damage with a single melee attack.

Save That Die!
Every attack you made in one session was a critical hit.

Siegmund's Legacy
Kill 100 enemies with the Dragon type.

Sent Back to the Dark One
Kill 100 enemies with the Goblin subtype.

Shoulda Stayed in the Bottle
Kill 100 enemies with the Fey type.

Sneaky Petey
Every attack you made in one session was a sneak attack.

The Exact Opposite of WAAAAAGH
Kill 100 enemies with the Orc subtype.

The Morning Sun, Come to Vanquish the Terrible Darkness
Kill 100 enemies with the Undead type.

Too Stupid to Live
Kill 100 nonswarm enemies with the Vermin type.

Trigger Unhappy
Survive ten firearm explosions.

Unimproved Initiative
Have a positive Initiative modifier only because of traits and/or feats.

Way to @$#%ing Kill Me, Dude
Be directly responsible for killing five fellow party members!

What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse
Suffer from at least four variants of Bestow Curse at the same time.

What the Hell Are YOU?
Kill 100 enemies with the Aberration type.

You Need a 23 on a Twenty-Sided Die
Succeed at five saving throws that would only succeed if you rolled a 20.

You're Gonna Sneak Attack With a Ballista?
Sneak attack one opponent with a siege weapon.

You're Not There, You're Getting Drunk
Successfully kill an enemy while drunk.

Yuna Was Here
Kill 100 enemies with the Magical Beast type.

Liberty's Edge

Cyrad wrote:
TarSpartan wrote:
I am having "Ultima: Exodus" flashbacks while reading this thread. You know, fight the old woman running the shop for her gold (usually taking her out in one hit), then leave town before the town guards find you? Or am I the only one who played that way?
I can only think of Ultima: Ascension, the game where unarmed shirtless guys will pick a fight with you, the demigod messiah visibly armed and armored with magical gear, and be turned into a pile of gore. And then there's the kid that can cast fire balls when magic supposedly doesn't work such that even the god of magic (you) cannot cast fireballs.

I assure you, not only were you NOT the only person who played Ultima III (or IV!) that way, you aren't playing an Ultima game right if you aren't butchering townsfolk for gold and ducking out of town before the guards decide to put the hurt on you (and doing some ridiculously easy stuff in IV to ease the karma penalties.) =p

Anyway. 300 damage on a 1st level commoner from a level 20 fighter/tier 10 Champion who gets really lucky on his critical hit? The commoner's limbs are ejected (including his head!); his thoracic and abdominal organs, along with most of his spine, are forcefully ejected through his back at mach 24; what's left of his torso basically explodes like a pot roast in a microwave, the commoner's family has to get Make Whole cast on his face just to identify the remains, and they'll be finding pieces of his itempack and remains all over the town square for weeks.

Good job, champ.

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82. The King of Taprobale has been kidnapped by NINJAS.

Are you bad enough dudes to rescue the King?

83. Once upon a time, you too were a first-level adventurer. And you died due to a fight against goblins that didn't quite work out the way you wanted it. When you were brought before the Black Gates of Death's Kingdom, you saw your mortality in the form of Death himself, a skeletal figure shrouded in black. He pointed a bony finger at you, and said, "Frederick Lexford, thine time has come; your light is extinguish'd, your story endeth here."

And you looked upon Death, gazing straight into his hellfire eyes.

And you decreed, "#%$+ that!"

And lo! as you kicked Death in the Mommy/Daddy Button as hard as your 20 Strength wouldst allow.

You've been running ever since.

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Rynjin wrote:
Snorb wrote:

Dash and Slash

You can take down a few enemies while you're on the run.

Prerequisites: Dex 13, Dodge, Mobility, Spring Attack, Run, base attack bonus +6

Benefit: You can move up to your speed and make full use of your iterative attacks. Your movement triggers opportunity attacks as usual. You must move at least 10' (2 squares) before your first attack and each attack must be made against a different opponent.

Special: The Cleaving Finish and Greater Cleaving Finish feats trigger as normal if your opponent drops as a result of this feat.

Why all the crappy prerequisites? Spring Attack and Run as prereqs are pure Feat taxes, they are as far from synergistic as you can get since neither can be used while using this Feat. Dodge and Mobility are pretty crap but at least they work while using this.

A better set, if you're dead set on it being a Feat chain, would be the Cleave/Great Cleave/Cleaving Finish chain (especially since you mention them in the Special), since it at least A.) Makes some sort of sense as a logical progression (you go from being able to move in and slash two people, to being able to move and slash more people after another, to being able to move and slash ALL the people) and B.) Actually synergizes with the Feat, its effects don't require a set of completely unrelated Feats to be fully utilized.

It is basically "Super Cleave", having it require Spring Attack and Run is silly.

It'd be better as a pseudo-Pounce option IMO though.

Humor Answer: Why the crappy prerequisites? Because Third Edition. That's why. =p

Serious Answer: I actually thought it would have been a logical extension from Spring Attack (move at least 10', make one attack, keep moving), and to be honest, the Cleaving Finish stuff is only in the description because I know somebody was going to ask about it. (And I'm an idiot and called it Greater Cleaving Finish instead of Improved Cleaving Finish like APG calls it. =p) Dodge and Mobility, well, you're gonna be triggering opportunity attacks if you use Dash and Slash anyway, might as well try to mitigate 'em somewhat.

I think a slightly better prereq listing would be "Str 13, Power Attack, Cleave, Cleaving Finish, base attack bonus +6" in retrospect.

Secret Wizard wrote:

The Well-Placed Shot feat is insanely powerful, it shouldn't be allowed to be used with bows which are already really good weapons. Xbows and slings... I'll give it to you.

Also, Grace of the Sword gives no love to the Spiked Chain :P

I'm not 100% sure about how bows are better weapons (beyond "can make composite bows to add Str to bow damage" and "can actually iterative attack with them without having to spend a precious feat slot") but I don't know how to fix Well-Placed Shot otherwise. (...and in retrospect, I probably should have added "(minimum +0)" to "add your Wis mod to damage.")

Grace of the Sword gives no love to spiked chains because I hate spiked chains. =p

Liberty's Edge

Greater Initiative
Punctuality is your thing, even in combat.

Prerequisites: Dex 15, Wis 15, Improved Initiative, Sense Motive 4 ranks
Benefit: When you roll initiative at the beginning of a combat, you may roll 2d20 and use whichever die you think is more helpful.

Grace of the Sword
There is more to melee combat than brute strength, and you damn well know it.

Prerequisites: Dex 15, Weapon Finesse
Benefit: You may use your Dexterity modifier in place of your Strength modifier on damage rolls made with light or one-handed weapons. (Your Strength modifier still applies to damage rolls with two-handed weapons or one-handed weapons held in both hands.)
Normal: Your Strength modifier applies to all damage rolls made with melee weapons.
Special: You can use this feat while wielding an elven curveblade, even though it is a two-handed weapon.

Well-Placed Shot
Archery doesn't just require agility, it requires perceptiveness. Fortunately, you have both.

Prerequisites: Wis 13, Point Blank Shot, Precise Shot, Perception 4 ranks
Benefit: You may add your Wisdom modifier to damage rolls made with the following weapons: crossbows (double*, hand, heavy, light, and repeating), longbows (including composite longbows), shortbows (including composite shortbows), and slings (including halfling slingstaffs).

*See the Advanced Player's Guide for rules information on double crossbows.

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Dash and Slash
You can take down a few enemies while you're on the run.

Prerequisites: Dex 13, Dodge, Mobility, Spring Attack, Run, base attack bonus +6

Benefit: You can move up to your speed and make full use of your iterative attacks. Your movement triggers opportunity attacks as usual. You must move at least 10' (2 squares) before your first attack and each attack must be made against a different opponent.

Special: The Cleaving Finish and Greater Cleaving Finish feats trigger as normal if your opponent drops as a result of this feat.

Aerial Pin
You've probably seen the wrong kind of wrestling, but let's not question results.

Prerequisites: Greater Grapple, Improved Grapple, Improved Unarmed Strike, base attack bonus +6, Str 15, Dex 13

Benefit: When you have an opponent grappled and wish to pin him, you can instead hoist him above your head with a combat maneuver check. If you do so, your opponent has the pinned condition as if you had pinned him (you still have the grappled condition, but lose your Dexterity bonus to AC.) You cannot tie up your opponent while he is held overhead, but on your subsequent turns, you can make a combat maneuver check to do one of the following:
Throw- You throw your opponent 5' (1 square) plus an extra 5' for every 5 your check exceeds his Combat Maneuver Defense. Your opponent lands prone in that square. If the target square is occupied, both your opponent and the square's occupant take 1d6 + 1.5x Str bludgeoning damage, and your opponent lands in the closest available square.
Body Slam- You may hurl your opponent to the ground with a combat maneuver check. He takes 1d6 + 1.5x Str nonlethal bludgeoning damage, and is prone at your feet.

Special: You must be able to hoist your opponent's weight above your head in order to use this feat.

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A maze of twisty passages, all alike.

Failing that, let's rip off one of the dungeons from HeroQuest. You go into the castle/mine/dungeon/wherever, clear it of the goblins and orcs that want to use your skull as a coffee cup, and you go through the door beyond.

Roll 2d6. Per party member.

Yes, this might separate the party.

Yes, monsters should come a-callin' for them while Rojer the Ranger and Garret the Gunslinger are on the other side of the map from Derek the Cleric and Edvard Eddard, Evoker Subextraordinaire. (At the same time, Frank the Fighter and Rita the Rogue are about to have an extended makeout session on the literal dragon's horde of platinum and gold coins they wound up walking into.)

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DM: Frank the Fighter swings his mighty +5 sword of lung-ripping... oh! Natural 1! Confirm that for me...

Frank's Player: Ugh... (d20 rolling) 7, plus another 6 for my attack mod gives me... unlucky-assed 13?!

DM: Well, you fumbled. Sucks.

Rita the Rogue's Player: Oooh! Let me draw the fumble card! XD

DM: All righty.

Rita's Player: (draws a card) ^_^

DM: (reading) "The attack hits you and is a critical hit. Roll to confirm this."

Frank's Player: I hate you so much right now. (d20 rolling) WHAT THE CHRIST, natural 20?!?!

DM: Well, that sucks so much.

Amy the Alchemist's Player: Can I draw this one?

DM: Sure.
Frank's Player: (at the same time) No!!

Amy's Player: Oh, shush, you. (draws a critical card)

DM: (reading) "Decapitation: Fortitude save 35 or die."

Frank's Player: (something inarticulate under his breath about needing a 27 on a twenty-sided die) (d20 rolling) Ugh. That's an eight.

DM: (thinks for a second) All righty. After the mighty barbarian declares himself to be more manly than the group's fighter, Frank challenges that assumption. With gusto, Frank draws his sword and promptly beheads himself with it. As viscera sprays everywhere, the barbarian is impressed that you did it in one go.

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I've seen Awesome and Monumental for sizes beyond Colossal. I THINK BESM 3rd Edition used the same size rules d20 does. One second!!

Okay, I'm back, and I really did just go across the house to get my copy of BESM 3e. The size values in that book (along with my own extrapolation for modifiers) are as follows:

Speck (+128 to hit/AC, -128 CMB/D)
Minute (+64 to hit/AC, -64 CMB/D)
Wee (+32 to hit/AC, -32 CMB/D)
Teeny (+16 to hit/AC, -16 CMB/D)
Fine (+8 to hit/AC, -8 CMB/D) [Anything above this on the chart might as well list their damage as "1" at this point.]
Diminutive (+4 to hit/AC, -4 CMB/D)
Tiny (+2 to hit/AC, -2 CMB/D)
Small (+1 to hit/AC, -1 CMB/D) [3/4"x2/4" mini]
Medium (baseline) [1"x1" mini]
Large (-1 to hit/AC, +1 CMB/D) [2"x2" mini]
Huge (-2 to hit/AC, +2 CMB/D) [3"x3" mini]
Gargantuan (-4 to hit/AC, +4 CMB/D) [4"x4" mini]
Colossal (-8 to hit/AC, +8 CMB/D) [6"x6" mini]
Enormous (-16 to hit/AC, +16 CMB/D) [8"x8" mini]
Monstrous (-32 to hit/AC, +32 CMB/D) [1'x1' mini]
Towering (-64 to hit/AC, +64 CMB/D) [18"x18" mini]
Monumental (-128 to hit/AC, +128 CMB/D) [Why roll dice?!] [2'x2' mini]

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190. Accidentally groped that half-elf rogue with 18 Charisma; discovered your coin purse in her cleavage.

Combat HUD slides into place, everyone gets their turn.

191. "Accidentally" groped that half-elf rogue with 18 Charisma; her pals Twenty-Strength Half-Orc Fighter, the Self-Proclaimed Battlepope of Fisticuffsmanship (read: Warpriest), and Edvard "Evocation's totally useful after seventh level you guys" Eddard the Evoker strongly object and wish to express their extreme disapproval upon your face.

(Un)fortunately for them, on your side, you've got Odie Olbright (a qigong monk), Amy the Alchemist (who's already seven sheets to the solar wind), and a slayer you just hired to replace the ranger who met with "occupational hazards (read: mauled by bears.)"

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Folks, folks, folks, let's put this in perspective.

If I were a paladin of a goddess, and said goddess asked me to father her child, I'd ask "Does it have to be just one?"

Doubly so if said goddess has love/luck/community/war in her portfolio.

Liberty's Edge

Te'Shen wrote:
Snorb wrote:

. . .

The Psionicist
You are capable of many powers most unusual; biokinesis, telepathy, jaunting, telekinesis, precognition, psychic shielding, perhaps even pyrokinesis. Of course, there's always the risk that you might cause serious injury to yourself as a result of your powers, but hey, no risk, no reward, right?
. . .
The Thaumaturge
You are a magician, yes, but you aren't exactly in total control of the spells that you cast. And apparently that Arcane Sea doesn't quite hold to the nonsense that, say, Burning Hands always has to do Fire damage. Most of your spells can be modified, whether to affect one or a group, or to do a random type of energy damage.
Psion and Wilder. Classes Paizo did not translate and 3rd party has done faithfully and well.

Nah, my problem is the Dreamscarred Press psion runs out of psionic power points. (Eventually.) I wanted something like Mass Effect's psi/biotics/whatever, where you can infinitely cast it per diem, you just have some cooldown/risk.

The thaumaturge I wanted was more like 13th Age's sorcerer, where most of its spells actually do Random Energy damage. (which can suck if you're up against something that's resistant or immune to lightning and you keep rolling lightning.)

Liberty's Edge

What I think of that should be Things Yet to Come in Pathfinder:

The Psionicist
You are capable of many powers most unusual; biokinesis, telepathy, jaunting, telekinesis, precognition, psychic shielding, perhaps even pyrokinesis. Of course, there's always the risk that you might cause serious injury to yourself as a result of your powers, but hey, no risk, no reward, right?

The Sentinel
You feel totally at home in adamantine full plate. Good thing, too; because you are good at protecting your comrades in arms and punishing opponents who think it's a good idea to actually attack your stalwart band.

The Thaumaturge
You are a magician, yes, but you aren't exactly in total control of the spells that you cast. And apparently that Arcane Sea doesn't quite hold to the nonsense that, say, Burning Hands always has to do Fire damage. Most of your spells can be modified, whether to affect one or a group, or to do a random type of energy damage.

Liberty's Edge

Summon Monster/Nature's Ally really does need an expanded chart. This came up during my group's final Jade Regent session. Our oracle wanted to summon something to help put the hurt on the Regent's companions, but nothing in the core was sufficiently Chinese/Japanese; we settled for a behir.)

Ability score damage/drain effects need to be dragged behind the woodshed and shot; nobody, and I mean nobody, should have to recalculate a bunch of skills/derived effects on the fly because you're getting pounded with Rays of Enfeeblement/Clumsiness. (Incidentally, the -6 penalty from Bestow Curse, as well as Feeblemind's "Your mental stats are all 1s now" work as intended. I do not know why I'm wired like this.)

Fighters (and fighters only, not just anything with a full BAB) should be the only ones getting more than one attack with the same weapon in a combat round. 2e throwback ahoy~

Ah, well, this is why I have Microlite20 and Spears of the Dawn to mess around with. =p

Liberty's Edge

Goblin Alchemist 20/Fighter 20.

"For the Dark One! XD"

Liberty's Edge

Finally! I actually get to post some of the deities I did years ago and started reworking for a Microlite20 knockoff! ^_^x

18) Fuu, the Wanderer of Afar
Chaotic good goddess of freedom, luck, travel, and wind
Symbol: A green stylized symbol of a tornado.
Favored Weapon: Shortbow
Domains: Air, Chaos, Good, Luck, Travel
Worshipers: Adventurers, liberated slaves, wanderers

Fuu is often depicted as a green-eyed blonde human woman, wearing a simple green dress and well-worn traveler's boots. She is always smiling, and the wind itself seems to play at her clothing and hair.

19) Saint Amelia, the Mother of Mercy
Lawful good goddess of healing, life, medicine, and mercy
Symbol: Twin bandages wrapped around a staff.
Favored Weapon: Quarterstaff
Domains: Good, Healing, Law, Nobility, Protection
Worshipers: Healers, paladins, pacifists

Saint Amelia is most typically described as a short human woman with short red hair, kind blue eyes, and always wearing a yellow dress with a small white cape. She seems at peace wherever she walks.

Those who worship Saint Amelia are trained in the healing arts; her loyal paladins, however, earn their title through three miraculous acts-- healing a man's body is the first, and easiest, of these acts. The second is to heal a man's mind, and the third is to heal a man's soul. While what qualifies as healing body, mind, or soul may vary from paladin to paladin, all must be done without expectation, acceptance, or demand of any kind of reward.

20) Baldric Beerbaron, the First Forgemaster
Neutral good deity of alcohol, dwarvenkind, and the forge
Symbol: A warhammer, its head shaped like an anvil.
Favored Weapon: Warhammer
Domains: Artifice, Community, Fire, Good, Strength
Worshipers: Dwarves, craftsmen

Baldric Beerbaron is a dwarven male, tall by their standards, depicted with a fiery rust-colored beard with intricate braiding and decorations; otherwise, he is completely bald. He wears a tanned brown leatherworker's apron, and is never seen without his prized possessions- an adamantine anvil, a set of handcrafted blacksmith tools, and a brass tankard.

Liberty's Edge

Shadow Bloodmoon wrote:



  • 15-pt buy.- I realize this isn't a variant, but a choice, however I want to set a standpoint.

  • 3d6 instead of 1d20.. I realize this changes the general idea of the game, but it gives more average rolls, making bonuses that much more important.

  • Players roll all dice.- Fate in the hands of the players.

  • Parry and Dodge rather than AC, but they would roll it, see above.

  • Armor is DR, corollary to above. Makes no sense to have it add to dodge or parry. Or does it?

  • I also enforce Background to earn traits, to help facilitate role-playing the character, but that's not so much a variant rule.

This is where I am at so far. I have other ideas, but this is the baseline. My question is would you play in this campaign and if so, what would you change, if anything?

...Huh. So that's how you do bulleted lists. =/

Anyways. Fifteen points, to me, is a little underpowered, but I made a pretty decent brawler for Iron Gods off fifteen points, so I'm cool with that.

Only real issue I can see with using 3d6 for everything is attack rolls. Unearthed Arcana has this as a variant rule, and mentions that critical threat ranges should be modified as follows:

  • Anything that was already a 20 (such as the blunderbuss) threatens a critical on a natural 16-18.
  • Anything that threatens on 19 or 20 (such as greatswords) now threatens on a 15-18.
  • Weapons that critical on an 18-20 (rapiers, katanas) or a 17-20 (keen greatswords) now threaten on a 14-18.
  • Weapons that critical on a 15-20 (keen katanas) now threaten on a 13-18.

Also, you can take 10, but not 20. You are able with 3d6 to take 16 (10 times as long) or 18 (100 times as long!) according to the Unearthed Arcana rules.

Since I've got the tab open, click this lil' ol' link for info on having the players roll all the dice. It mentions attacks/defense, saving throws, and spell resistance checks, so this might be a nice help for you. =)

Liberty's Edge

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This is it. After three years, six books, and a mountain of dead characters... Closure. Felina, Everybody Dies, Survival, All Good Things, What You Leave Behind, Goodbye Farewell and Amen, We Can Change the World/No One Is Alone; whatever you wanna call it, this is it. The series finale.

Yes, my friends, this is the final Jade Regent obituary from Snorb E. Snorb.

Name: Koichi Matsui, The Jade Regent
Race/Class: Tiefling Samurai
Origin: Born in Seigyoku (our group's Japan), moved with his grandfather to Xianghua (group's China)
Adventure: The Empty Throne
Location: The throne room of the Imperial Palace
Cause of Death: Best. Critical hit. Ever.

END GUY!!!!1!!!1!1111!!!11!!: Yep. It seems quite appropriate to make the party's defeat of the final boss the last of these.

The Buildup to the Big Fight: After getting the blessings of the five ruling families, the party takes the goodwill built up by their badass recruitment of the three ninja clans, geisha gossips, and Jiro's ronin...

...and proceed to spend a week or so crafting magic items.

Fortunately for them, they did it in an area where time didn't pass as quickly-- the Island of the Dead.

As they head back to Jiro's family inn for one last point, they pass the event where Jiro's sohei are on the hangman's gallows. I switched that to "four people the Jade Regent had captured and dressed up as them, all to lure them out into a trap."

Me: (after the fight is over) Well, one of the stunt doubles adjusts "her" breasts underneath her clothing. An apple and pear fall out, and Qi, you can see she has a full beard.
Qi: ...This is so wrong.
Pan Li's Player: "You idiots!! You captured their STUNT DOUBLES!!"
All of Us: XD

I had to describe the rest of the party's "stunt doubles" as an ordinary woman wearing cat ears and a tail (because none of the Jade Regent's guards felt like getting a kitsune ear and tail set), the most insultingly blatant Japanese geisha stereotype imaginable, and a man dressed in a vanara fursuit. When asked about its origin, its owner said "the Jade Regent's men arrested me, shaved my dog in front of me, and then made me wear its fur!"

Pan Li: Nothing wrong with that.
Not-Pan Li: And then they made the dog soup!!
Megumi: Oh, what kind of soup?
Not-Pan Li: No! They made the dog INTO soup!!
Qi: ...Oh.

Hilarity Ensued: Once they left the capital's main square, they returned to the inn for one last buying spree. I mention to the group "Well, this is like that part in Final Fantasy IX where you come to the save moogle, and he tells you that this is the last time you might be able to save, kupo, so you should get what you need to do now before it's too late. And you do, and you go on, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, bam. Necron." The group decides, "Y'know, instead of investigating this food shortage, let's just storm the damn castle."

I show them the blueprint, explain what needs explaining, and after some rules-related mishaps involving Cloud Walk, the group has their in. Instead of storming the castle and slogging through combat, they cast Invisibility on themselves, then Cloud Walk (this way, they look like invisible cloud versions of themselves) and enter the Imperial Palace on the fourth floor.

After searching the entire fourth floor, they go down a floor, and a couple of guest rooms and the tea room later, they decide, "Let's just go this way. It looks like a throne room, though."

Me: Hang on a second, Cory. I gotta be a jerk here and ask you to print out a few pages for me.
Cory: What? Well, all right, but you really should have done this before you got here.
Me: I know, but I wasn't exactly expecting you guys to bypass the entire final dungeon!
Cory: To be fair, it wasn't exactly intentional. =p
Me: Besides, this is that moment where you're approaching the throne room, and you see the box appear onscreen, "Behind this door lies unspeakable evil. Shalt thou put an end to this heresy? [Yea] [Nay]"

It's the Throne Room: The Jade Regent and his hangers on are waiting for them. Surprise, surprise. Pan Li marches front and center into the throne room, drops his invisibility in front of everyone, and demands the Jade Regent's surrender.

Jade Regent: Very well! I accept, vanara! (draws his katana) I shall be your second, if you so desire!
Me: (dropping character) Yes, that counts as his samurai challenge.

The combat begins.

I realize the Tactics part of the stat block might need some tweaking after Renshii is knocked unconscious in about two rounds. (Qi had Suishen, a sap with Sap Mastery, and black lotus venom on Suishen, plus a critical hit.) She goes down clutching her stomach, saying something about "the baby..."

Anamuramon: WHAT!? A BABY?! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE JUST USING HER SEXUALLY!!!
The Jade Regent: We'll talk about this LATER, grandfather! >=(
Pan Li's Player: Hey, guys, does anybody else feel like we just walked onto the series finale of a soap opera? Like she's pregnant and everybody's getting killed one by one.
Qi's Player: Oh, wow. I would've just sapped her if I knew she was pregnant.
Me: Well, uh, she took Con damage, got knocked out, and got poisoned. The baby's kinda a red puddle on the Jade Throne's cushion...
Pan Li's Player: (to the healer's player) Cast Breath of Life on the baby!! XD

Once Pan Li gets the Raven Prince tripped and seriously injured, he asks him if he surrenders. The Raven Prince, deciding discretion is the better part of valor, says "I'm no idiot-- I'm only in it for the money" and backs off.

The Jade Regent finally gets some time to charge Pan Li. Thanks to his newly-purchased Swordsman's Flair, the Jade Regent gets to roll a grand total of zero attack rolls in this entire combat as he is knocked prone, his charge cancelled, stunned, brutally beaten, and finally, finally, thanks to Pan Li's Perfect Strike critical, gets Nighty Night.

The resulting flurry of blows drops him to -57 health. Pan Li's player describes what happens as "It only looks like I hit him in the head once, but I slam my quarterstaff into the side of his head over and over again!"

Me: All right. You hear and see his kabuto helmet give, followed by his skull.

Goretacular: Anamuramon gives a mighty Lavos scream, and bites it in another round thanks to Suishen, Pan Li, and Quickened Enervation.

Number of healing spells cast by the party this entire fight: ONE.

The Corpse Line, Book By Book:

The Brinewall Legacy

Duster Ross: Male human gunslinger, played by Mike. Best friend of Lin Mao, a female nekojin gunslinger (replacing Shalelu, who was rather busy at the time with Rise of the Runelords.) 'MURICA the stereotype, Duster was there "to kill your kung fu mans and sleep with your womens." Got his back broken by the decapus in Brinewall Castle's basement.

Night of Frozen Shadows

Hadji Abobo: Male human summoner/bard, played by Mike. Joined the party after Duster got bent in half. In the city of Tsai Tseng, he met a barbarian who didn't like him, and in a case of mistaken identity, took a rage-powered battleaxe critical to the guts.

Fhen Fahn: Female human summoner, also played by Mike. Joined the party immediately after Hadji got split in half by the barbarian, had the best eidolon ever: The Origami Bushi. Developed a crush on Vata after he saved her life fighting an earth elemental, found out Vata was banging the nekojin gunslinger, hired Qi to kill Vata's girlfriend but never actually paid her. Decided the proper answer to the question "Did you have anything to do with Lin Mao's death?" was "I caste Haste and get the hell out of Dodge." Was blown up by one of Vata's alchemist bombs.

The Hungry Storm

Nam Jung-Su: Male human monk/cleric, played by Damien. Looked like Aang from The Last Airbender. Was one of the initial party members, a student of Koya's. Was kinda a little bit bloodthirsty for a twelve-year old not-Korean monk, encouraging the party to kill about one fourth of the citizens of Iaquat because the hearthmistress was rude to them. Did something to piss Vata off, wound up getting Bestow Curse (-6 Constitution) put on him, followed by a negative encounter with Vata's alchemist breath weapon. Twice. Just to make sure he was dead.

Raju: Male human trapper ranger, also played by Damien. The son of Iaquat's village chief, surprisingly did not hold a grudge against the party for killing some of his closest friends. Died the very session he was introduced due to a yuki-onna. Many a laugh was had by the group when this beautiful woman surrounded by snow truthfully said her name was Yuki. (Damien said "I thought it was a made-up name! D:")

Vata Perada: Male air genasi alchemist, played by Ziggy. One of the initial party members, and had a crush on Lin Mao since childhood. Was kinda a goofball, responsible for getting quite a few people killed. Ultimately died alongside Raju and Koya during the yuki-onna fight. To be fair, he DID try to give her a potion of Reduce Person, but he did that to everybody.

Forest of Spirits

Mei Ling: Female human diviner, played by Damien. The particulars on her are a bit fuzzy, unfortunately. They met her in the mountains after leaving Iaquat, and when the group was ambushed by ninjas in Ordu-Agahei, she complained about being on the wrong end of a bleed attack while she was guzzling a couple gallons of healing potion. One of the other party members bashed her skull in with a mace while she was asleep, so I guess that solved that.

Mokiyama: Male kitsune oracle, played by Mike. Was absolutely awesome, starting from when he replaced Fhen back in Book Two. Had an absolutely hilarious one-sided crush on Pan Li which he played to total creepiness/hilarity. Was wrong on more levels than most PCs can count. Was responsible for murdering Mei Ling, and sentenced to commit seppuku with a bokken. He ran himself through with it instead of slashing his stomach open, but he drove it through his guts all the way to the grip and didn't cry out once, so... mission accomplished?

Twitchi-aroo: Male nezumi monk, played by Mike. Mike's final character before he moved to Barnegat, Twitch was supposed to be the group's guide through the Forest of Spirits. Unfortunately, Mike moved before the game finished, so he got pulled through a metal grating head-first by araneas and torn apart like rice paper.

Tide of Honor

Huda Mann: Male human bard, played by Ziggy. Don't quite remember how he joined the party, just that he replaced Vata after the incident in Iaquat. Was an utter goofball with his spell selection (as expected) and was fun personified (as expected.) Tragically, getting bored with Huda, along with losing his character sheet, contributed to his death, so he got eaten by a Magikarp the size of a house.

The Empty Throne

This was the least lethal book of the Adventure Path. Everybody lives, Rose! Just this ONCE, EVERYBODY LIVES!

The Final Party

Zhai Qi: Female human ninja, played by Booke. Sister of Zhai Jai-Li, the replacement Ameiko, and second in line for the Jade Throne should something happen to her big sis. Loved the vanishing trick ninjutsu, and one of the biggest regrets was telling her player about the master ninjutsu that granted Greater Invisibility. Went through half of the campaign with three fingers missing, only remembered to get them regenerated before the final boss fight. One of two characters to live through the entire Adventure Path from start to finish. Serves as the head of her sister's guard/assassin if need be, and is pregnant with Pan Li's child.

Pan Li: Male vanara weaponmaster monk/fighter, played by Cory. Best friend of Sandru, who sadly got no real character development beyond being driven to madness by Pan Li constantly renaming the caravan. Made Qi fall in love with him thanks to an Elixir of Love. Tripped every thrice-damned thing he fought with Perfect Strike, Greater Trip, Vicious Stomp, and Combat Reflexes. Loved the character, hated his combat efficiency. The other character to survive from Brinewall to la finale semi-grande. Ripped Renshii's bracelet from her unconscious body, proposed to Qi with it, so now he and Jai-Li are siblings-in-law. Started a trip-fu monastery in the Forest of Spirits.

Megumi Ito: Female human oracle, played by Damien. Just barely got the hell out of Ordu-Agahei after Prince Dakkar closed it off. Was actually a pretty decent character, and she helped draw some aggro off Pan Li during the final boss fight with a summoned behir (which we all decided was "close enough" to an Asian dragon.) Started a temple in the capital of Xianghua dedicated to charity healing, was soon summoned back to her homeland. Something about needing to find magical girls...

Tadaka Daka: Female kitsune sorcerer, played by Ziggy. The final character to join the party, she was unceremoniously ejected from the spiritual shogi board at the pearl merchant's house in Book Five. Did what all sorcerers do and went full evocation magic. Once refused a good spell simply because it didn't have the word "ray" in its name. Was very hurriedly leveled up to level 14 at the start of the final session. She continued her evocation research after the final battle, devoting herself to making evocation magic more powerful.

And that's everything. So, uh... let's just go out on this.

Liberty's Edge

I still enjoy the apocryphal story of the Blake's 7 crew trying to film at the usual BBC Gravel Quarry Planet they used in the 70s and 80s for their many alien planets, but they kept picking up sound on the other side of the rocks they were filming at. Gareth Roberts goes over to investigate...

...and finds Tom Baker, in full Fourth Doctor costume, on the other side of the rocks, trying to figure out what was messing with the sound on that day's Doctor Who filming.

Also, Tom wanted to actually put Blake in the Tardis in one episode-- they just pass by each other with a "Hello, Rog." "Hello, Doc."

Liberty's Edge

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DM Sez: You must go to the Hall of Kings. There you will meet with Logos, the magistrate currently ruling Silmaria until a new king is found.
DM Means: I wonder how long it'll take before one of you notices I'm just ripping off Quest For Glory V?

DM Sez: "Please, hurry, Warriors," the seneschal urges you. "Princess Sara... she's the king's eldest."
DM Means: First person to ask "Wasn't this how Final Fantasy I started?" gets a Core Rulebook hurled at him.

Players Think: Man, why do Snorb's games remind me of better games any of us could be playing?

Liberty's Edge

LazarX wrote:

BESM D20 had a bunch of pre-packaged answers for you. :)

I owned that book once. Once.

This is one of the few things in my life I have come to terms with as A Mistake.

James Jacobs wrote:

Each one should be a different class, of course!

This might be the best solution. Fortunately, that won't come up until after Jade Regent (which might be in two sessions!!)

Tels wrote:


Magus, each Sailor Scout has magical abilities they can use, and can also toss it up in melee combat a little.

I think Sailor Moon's a cleric of herself, and Jupiter's primary class was Brawler before she went Sorcerer. (No good lightning spells at first level tho...)

Liberty's Edge

Best class or classes in case my group wanted to make the Pathfinder versions of the Sailor Scouts?

I'm WAY too embarrassed to further elaborate.

Liberty's Edge

James Jacobs wrote:
Snorb wrote:
James Jacobs wrote:

One charge per minute for force fields.

I'm tracking and answering errata for the book over on its actual product page.

James, give brawlers more body cyberware slots! Having to choose between +Strength and +Constitution is not fun! ;_;

I was waiting for folks to notice that limitation!

There IS an item in one of the upcoming Iron Gods installments that allows you to implant more than one ability score enhancing cybernetic item... but you'll need to wait until then to check it out, alas.

** spoiler omitted **

That is totally awesome, even if a bit pricey. Thanks, James! =D

I'm a bit surprised that there's no extra options for cybereyes (like low light vision, darkvision, X-ray or infravision, &c.) or brain cyberware to improve mental stats (Wired Synapses! +2/+4/+6 Intelligence!) but maybe those are in the future.

Liberty's Edge

James Jacobs wrote:

One charge per minute for force fields.

I'm tracking and answering errata for the book over on its actual product page.

James, give brawlers more body cyberware slots! Having to choose between +Strength and +Constitution is not fun! ;_;

Liberty's Edge

DM Sez: Your stalwart band encounters three orc barbarians and their two goblin alchemist pals.
DM Means: .....and the bugbear barbarians coming along in two rounds, and lest we forget, two more goblins and an orc two rounds after that, none of which you heard coming.

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