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From the records of the Marchwall Paladins, dated AW 847 10th of Thirdmonth.
4. Sir Martius, you had a three-way with two succubi where you, and I quote, "got the atomic clap from one succubus and gave it to her sister." This "orgy of crapulence," again, your words, lasted for thirty-six hours and resulted in the deaths of six children at the hands of goblins and the conception of your half-demon children, both of whom you immediately sold to the gypsies for a Kwalish's Apparatus and an Alchemist's Jug.
5. Sir Alen killed a halfling's wife, children, and everyone blood-related to him, but let the halfling live so as to "reflect on his sins." This was over the matter of a spilled drink at Julia's Tavern. When the halfling offered to clean your tabard, you threatened to "turn his head into a soup mug" before you decided what you did "was funnier."
6. Lady Iocasta, you actually commissioned five scrolls of Locate City Bomb. I didn't even think that was possible. While the dwarves of Glinn Oelkirk will recover, in time, I don't think their city will ever be inhabitable again considering you used those scrolls to redirect their largest city from the mountains to the bottom of the Northern Ocean.
7. Finally, we turn our attention to the leader of this odious opus, Sir Haris. You wanted to use a Ring of Three Wishes to bring The Dragon of Athas (emphasis in original text) to our planet "for the lulz."
Summary Judgement: Sir Martius Klein, Sir Alen Fordemere, Lady Iocasta Gardkan, Sir Haris Bruco... ugh, the hell with formalities. You're all ex-paladins. Turn in your swords, and your holy symbols, you're no longer divine magic users. Get. Out. My. Sight.
So once upon a time, someone in our group ran Curse of the Crimson Throne. This was before Pathfinder, so we had the run of the Third Edition books.
My friends dared me to make a Tome of Battle character with Monkey Grip and Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Mercurial Greatswords).
A mercurial greatsword, just in case you don't have the Arms and Equipment Guide (which actually was a Third Edition book and not a 3.5e book lumped into "Third Edition" because I call everything from 2000-2008 Third Edition) is a sword that does 2d6 slashing damage and does quadruple damage on a critical hit (natural 20s only.)
This same DM allowed me to prestige class into Holy Liberator from Complete Divine, except I got to swap out the spell progression for martial maneuver progression.
I called this character "Kyle Surlent, Destroyer of Campaign" because nothing was a challenge for him. He never failed a single saving throw (save for natural 1s), he had two different kinds of smite (which we nerfed a bit when we really did convert to Pathfinder, sadly, but most of the damage was already done), and when we got to Ileosa at the end of Book Six, we were supposed to have a big, badass battle, and I was planning on using Greater Crusader's Strike (does +6d8 damage, but for every 1 Con drain you voluntarily give yourself when you use this power, you gain +1 to hit and +2d8 damage) when my maneuvers ran dry. That way, if I didn't kill Ileosa, I'd at least go out in a blaze of glory. (My friends had to talk me out of going from 16 to 1 Con; I lied to them and said I'd "only" go down to 8 Con.)
The first attack roll of the end guy was a natural 20, and the resulting critical hit + Smite Evil + Crusader's Strike (+8d6 damage, and that's it) + Power Attack + stance whose name eludes me that lets me reroll max result damage dice brought Ileosa from full health to "would be instantly killed, but she can only be killed by the Blade of McGuffinitude" in six seconds flat. (The barbarian just levitated up to her unconscious carcass and shoved the blade into the massive wound, then raged and went after Ileosa's guards.)
I have since promised this friend that I would remake this character to not rely on WotC-produced books, so I guess he's a warpriest now.
Here's the hatred for Precise Shot: My best friend's psychic warrior character is about 6' tall. Our opponent... let's just say, oh, The Dragon of Athas, the ultimate badass in D&D, is (only!) 40' tall. (And yes, I did just Google search "the dragon of athas how big".)
I take a -4 penalty to any attack rolls I make with ranged weapons without having Precise Shot. Bows, crossbows, slings, thrown daggers, Scorching Ray blasts*, whatever it is I attack with at range, takes this penalty despite the fact that The Dragon is over six times taller than my friend.
Now, against a goblin or other human-sized creature, I can understand the penalty (but I don't condone it.) Against something much bigger than a human, like a giant or The Dragon of Athas, it makes zero sense.
*This is probably a REALLY bad idea considering his breath weapon does half Fire and half Abrasive damage.
Gark the Goblin wrote:
Pretty much every version of Mutants & Masterminds and True20 have "Fighting aggressively" as a counterpart to fighting defensively. (You take a -4 AC penalty for +2 to hit. TOTES WORTH IT)
Might & Mutilation: A Roleplaying Game of Tactical Butchery
You rolled a decent attack roll, you swing your mighty greatsword and bring the dragon down to 0 hit points-- wait, "describe how you finish off the dragon?" Well, uh, okay, as the blue dragon rears back to unleash its lightning breath I pause then use my full iterative attack to chop through its neck--
...What do you mean, "that's not metal enough?" You want me to describe my fighter tearing through dragon skin with his bare hands and taking a massive bite out of its jugular, drinking its blood like wine? God, that's terrifying. It's bad enough you made Serena talk about how her monk tore apart three dragonborn like they were flypaper before, and Ed... oh God, you made Ed talk about "the goblin centipede" he made. He spent ten minutes throwing up. Remember? You made me roll a d20 and look at his character sheet to do his initiative roll in the next combat because he was still throwing up.
What to do about this:
What to actually do about this:
Freddy Fighter: Hey, Rita? Say four guys you're smarter than threw your severed arcane-powered head into an infinitely large bag, then erased it from existence, and you had to fight your way alllllll the way back to the Material Plane so you could magic them apart. How mad-mad would you be at these four mental mooks?
Acererak: (bamf) >=(
Rita: ...I'd say "mighty pissed," Fred.
There is nothing wrong with casting from hit points.
You will notice I didn't say they had to be your hit points.
You could do something like "at first level, you can use your HP to attach metamagic to spells/cast spells you haven't prepared; at fifth level, you can use a willing sentient creature's HP; at tenth level, you can use an unwilling sentient creature's HP, they make a Fortitude save (and you find out just why blood mages are so feared.)"
Metamagic costs could be 2 HP/boosted level.
Just spitballin' stuff.
You guys killed almost everyone in Iaquat because one of you decided the hearthmistress was being rude.
The cowpoke rules also say "If a cowpoke receives a critical hit, he dies instantly. He knows his role." So you win either way!
EDIT: To be fair, Owl Hoot Trail is basically "d20 but in the Old West and even more extremely lethal."
This Damn Valley: So after we kick a ghost's ass so hard he re-dies back in the Choking Tower, we ride on to the valley where this adventure takes place. Much fun was had summoning a fire elemental to walk across every square inch of a fungal cavern to incinerate all the fungus within, we deal with a deranged druid and his radioactive plants, we deal with some reverse-racist androids, and we kill a lot of robots. The reverse-racist androids tell us to stay away from the Swamp of Sidequestiness because we will die horribly, and for once in our lives we actually listen to the advice of random NPCs.
Instead, we go to an unnamed cave where an alien told us bad stuff was happening.
My +23 Swim Finally Comes In Handy: The cave in question has some narrow water-filled passages, and I go through them. That's how we find out this cave system has some mi-go in it. ...And that's apparently how I find out if Chrome has certain Cthulhu Mythos terms in it, I guess.
So we send the mi-go back to Cthulhu in very small mutilated pieces, and we push on through the caverns, trying to find Cassandalie's memory core. Instead, we find a damn priest of Cthulhu (I think; our DM never elaborated beyond "he's a mi-go and a cleric.") and his three mi-go lackies. We settle in for another reasonably easy fight.
Things Don't Go Smooth: Jagg chainsaws a mi-go clean in half when it tries to flank me, then proceeds to unleash raging chainsaw hell on a second mi-go while I beat the third one to death. The cleric gets his turn, and tries to confuse the entire group. I get confused, everyone else makes their Will saves, thanks a LOT, guys. The cleric then summons a mud elemental who starts wailing on Jagg. Singer (our skald) starts climbing after the cleric, who dimension doors over to another ledge.
And then two new champions enter the brawl! (These are two PCs another player made/found online, and were about our level; Mike the DM is starting to dislike the AP in general and one character in specific, so he decided to up the challenge and threw them in.)
Mike: Coming from this opening, you see two humanoid figures! They're covered in a sick amalgam of the black fungus covering the cave's floor and crudely attached technological bits!
HOLY CRAP: One of them is a rock thrower with a Bag of Holding full of rocks (and the ability to flurry throw them. And has Clustered Shots as an additional "F%+& YOU" to boot.) This bastard hurls rocks at lightning speed, and during the course of the combat, I'm nearly knocked out, Singer needs to change tactics in order to keep us going (including having to five foot shift away from me at one point while invisible because he didn't want to risk being the closest target to me on a bad Confusion roll), and one round after Cyborg Weeabo Rock Hurlan Magic guy enters, he proceeds to hurl enough rocks at Murphy to knock him into the -30s. Our android bites it on the spot.
THE OTHER GUY: The other guy is a monk with a ranseur who manages to do two impossible things: Disarm Jagg of his chainsaw through a locked gauntlet, and he actually managed to knock an Invulnerable Rager Barbarian into unconsciousness. I start seriously reconsidering if we'll be able to get through this fight with just Tharja (me, who started this fight with 120 HP and was down as low as 24 HP, so one flurry of rocks and I'd be joining Murphy) and Singer (who's doing awesomely in helping fight the good fight.)
They Win! But...: We do eventually beat the two big badasses Mike the DM threw at us.
Me: (Pummeling Striking the mi-go priest; I describe it as grabbing his head) This is for Murphy, you son of a b#!@@! (Tharja proceeds TO CRUSH THE MI-GO'S SKULL IN HER BARE HANDS)
Jagg is revived and we burn through a hell of a lot of healing, but alack, it's too late for Murphy. Because his player lost his character sheet but remembered MOST of his combat capabilities, we're only allowed to loot his Bag of Holding, batteries, and collection of random keycards. The mind-boggling amount of wands he crafted/collected/bought are lost. (Damn.)
We are joined by Graeg the orc fighter, who helps us avenge Murphy's death by getting Cassandalie's memory core, and then we proceed to NUKE the Valley of the Brain Collectors. (That is not hyperbole; our giant psychic moth came by to collect us after we rigged a nuclear bomb that JUST HAPPENED to be there to blow up the Valley.)
On the plus side, with all the loot we managed to find, everybody got a cool 38000 gold each.
Nope, twice! (Kara in the first go at Skull & Shackles, Thorson in our aborted Reign of Winter run)
After watching my players today, I think every adventuring party needs a Stretchy Leash of Barbarian Restraint.
No, they don't! The barbarian can just hack through that leash with one mighty blow!
And then where will the party be? Your cleric and rogue are trying to hold back your very pissed-off barbarian friend, who just finished tearing out the bard's throat with his teeth!
Basically, what everybody up above said.
Now, you're going fighter (or at least implied you're going fighter), so at least your THAC0 is going to be going up the fastest. To compensate for being the best at Generally Tearing Asunder Whatever The Cleric Aims You At, you need more XP to level up than the others. Why? Because Second Edition.
At least you get more HP from having a higher Constitution than the other classes.
Some other things to consider:
In short... Second Edition is a hell of a lot of fun.
Wouldn't you still need access to any kind of spells in order to make a wondrous item or add a property to a weapon or armor?
Like, I may be playing the Baron Badass Von Whompass, LORD of the Sword, who knows everything about swording and shoving swords through people and is an expert blacksmith who make swords, and Master Craftsman lets him emulate caster level to make a sword a +5 sword, but he'd still need Jim the Enchanter to grace him with a Call Lightning so he can make that +5 shocking burst sword.
One I remembered last year from Jade Regent.
Some backstory: There's three ninja clans you can buy the services of in Book Five.
There is also an artifact I will refer to as THE COIN, which is the very first payment ever accepted by a ninja in Eyshan history. It has the power to unleash great catastrophe should it fall into the wrong hands. The Dragonshadow and Black Lotus are equally interested in THE COIN.
The group, after doing enough fighting and looting through the Pearl Merchant's Manor and fighting the corrupt governor, get enough money to buy the ninja clans' services. They easily pay for the Emerald Branch's assistance. Now, I'm expecting them to give THE COIN to the Dragonshadow, because imperial dragons are (mostly) good guys.
Nope. They give THE COIN to the Black Lotus. My friends' rationale is "the Black Lotus are less shady than the guys who worship the dragon. With the Black Lotus, you know they'll get the job done!"
The Dragonshadow guy doubles his price, the group strongly (and violently) objects, and the Emerald Branch representative says that she'll forward the group's payment for their services (but not the representative's corpse.)
DM: This is the Elowann'tal shri'tathis, or "The Sundering of the Elves." This is the curveblade used by the summer elf hero Laithis Sunbringer during the final battle of the War of the Solstice eleven millennia ago, and was used to slay the winter elf--
Eddard Edvard, Evoker Extraordinaire: Yes, yes, yes, it's basically a +2 mithril elven curveblade that becomes a +3 keen mithril curveblade in the hands of an elf, right? I hock it for 25,000 gold.
DM: ...I hate you.
Also just wanna point out in all seriousness, 3.5e's Unearthed Arcana has a generic class called the Spellcaster. The spellcaster has the same spells known and spells/day as a sorcerer, and their spells are picked from the cleric, druid, and sorcerer/wizard spell lists.
You do have to choose whether you're an arcane or divine spellcaster with this class; divine spellcasters use Wisdom to determine saves and bonus spells, while arcane spellcasters have a choice of using Intelligence or Charisma.
Erik the Cleric: So, how'd the commoner-training go, guys?
Rita the Rogue: Ugh, terrible! We jumped the one guy in the bar like we always do, and we brought him out to the Winterlands to learn how to adventure properly. Thing is, Freddy wanted to fight a dragon...
Freddy the Fighter: (wearing some new red-scaled armor) Guy Number One's charcoal now.
Erik: ..."Guy Number One?"
Freddy: Don't worry, we got another guy to train! Rita and I went out to Rampart, she said something about "how to be an arcane trickster."
Erik: Nothing wrong with a prestige class, but... where is he?
Rita: Our wannabe arcane trickster got knifed in the back by a wannabe assassin. It's okay, though! I monogrammed him in the back!
Erik: Revenge isn't--
Rita: Of his head.
Freddy: We had a third guy training with Ed, but...
Erik: "But" what...?
Edvard Eddard, Evoker Extraordinaire: Guy somehow managed to hit himself with his own Magic Missile. I didn't think that was possible.
So, an interesting question I have regarding dragons and a certain feat. Elemental Spell lets you the wizard swap out/composite energy damage from one type into another.
Dragons get elemental breath weapons.
In theory, would you be able to add Elemental Spell (whatever) to a dragon? If so, how would that affect its CR and/or breath weapon recharging time?
Also, am I insane for even considering this?
What's in the box? wrote:
Palom and Porom also had the unique "Select Twincast, hope to God one of these two twins doesn't get beaten into unconsciousness while I'm waiting fifteenish seconds for Comet to go off" ability. =p
I don't see why two kineticists using the appropriate blast talents can't composite them into one big blast (aside from "So whose attack roll do you use?" and "Whose Constitution do you use for damage?")
You know. Like the Sailor Guardians. Except without the synchronized dropping to their knees and wailing for their annihilated past life romances that were only shoehorned into the anime to appease a million fanfiction writers who wrote some really awful stories based on one picture the artist drew for the hell of it in an artbook a couple years after the series ended.
(Note: Is not bitter about Sailor Moon Crystal.)
Skull & Shackles last night. The party sails to Tidewater Rock to go crack it.
My Friend: So, do we need to map this out?
As expected, the heroes "valiantly" slaughter their way through the guards, and Smythee and Royger McClernan surrender. They want everyone's equipment.
Royger: I understood your surrender, I will be glad to give you my greatsword... pointy-end fir--
Thrashok picks up Royger and hurls him off Tidewater Rock to the beach below.
Me: (rolls 3d6)
(Royger didn't survive the ballista bolt.)
Squiggit: It's rather telling that as much as I hate The Edition That Shall Not Be Named, the warlord was still my favorite class from it (And shame on Wizards of the Coast for saying "Welp, any class that was in any D&D Player's Handbook 1 is gonna be in the Fifth Edition Player's Handbook, then not including the damn warlord!!!)
Also, I think the shaman might fill the niche you want for the witch doctor. I think. (I know for a fact the kineticist from Occult Adventures happens to be your Dedicated Blaster class. =p)
Also also, nobody picked apart my mechanical/niche suggestions from my last post. Waaaaaaaah ;_;
Sentinel: A class that's all about the D: He wears heavy armor, gets benefits from wearing heavy armor, can bodyguard the party (by granting his shield bonus to an adjacent ally, Swap Places, Antagonize, can redirect an attack on an adjacent ally onto himself), can mark foes like the 4e fighter.
Thaumaturge: A blaster mage; only, y'know, making evocation actually useful. I kinda see this class as like the arcanist, except that you don't get any spells. Instead, you get much more arcanist exploits that you can use.
Jobber: I sincerely doubt that there's a class in Pathfinder that's high risk/high reward, so here we are. This guy gets more powerful as he gets more hurt. I can see him as having a Sneak Attack Lite (he gets sneak attack when two allies are in melee with the target, but only does d4s instead.)
Grenadier: You have a bomb launcher. You get a limited amount of chemicals per day to make bombs with. (You choose "Okay, I'm getting two Organics, two Crystals, two Soft Metals today; tomorrow, I think I'll go three Organics, one Radioactive, one Inert Gas, and one Crystal." and you combine two chemicals to make a particular bomb.) You get to meet the folks at Ye Olde Burnne Warde when you roll a natural 1 on your ranged bomb attack and experience your quality worksmanship firsthand. (Heh heh heh.)
*sigh* This makes me want to look at the Book! of NINE Cheese~! again and work on that some more. =(
Seriously? No one wants to help me balance a monk using someones internal organs as a whip? I am totally aware that this might be a bad topic while eating spaghetti and meatballs.
Ask and thee shalt receive!
Rip and Tear
Prerequisites: Str 17; Catch Off-Guard; Improved Unarmed Strike; base attack bonus +6, monk level 4, or brawler level 4
Benefit: When you reduce an opponent to 0 or fewer hit points with an unarmed attack, you may describe to your DM, in excruciating detail, the horrifyingly over-the-top means by which you fatally mutilate your opponent. You can use your target's shorn-off body parts as improvised weapons as follows:
These improvised weapons, not surprisingly, are destroyed if you roll a natural 1 on an attack roll made with them.
Special: If your Troma-inspired combat description causes one fellow player to visibly retch (at the very least), you gain a +2 bonus on attack rolls made with these "truly natural weapons."
I've got an awesome brawler in Iron Gods. Pummeling Style, incidentally, is an absolutely horrifying thing to behold now that we're 11th level, mostly because with Power Attack, +2 Amulet of Mighty Fists, +4 Belt of Giant's Strength, and our skald's rage song, she does a minimum of 20 damage per punch.
(And yes, our group has learned that Haste is a very wonderful thing. SIX ATTACKS~ that all resolve as one powerful punch!)
105. Three-man cribbage tournament spontaneously breaks out in the tavern!
.....It exists, damn it! D:
106. A more drunk than usual dwarf challenges patrons at random to The Tower; a dwarven bar game where one stacks gold coins while everyone else jostles the table, trying to knock the stack over.
Of course, dwarven gold coins are known for their ability to stack perfectly and never fall over...
107. Bounder or Gem Snatcher game goes horribly awry, one lucky "winner" winds up with a d20 to the eye.
108. Five Finger Fillet tournament... TO THE DEATH!
Gamer-printer: I've seen the arquebus in the Second Edition D&D PHB, which did 1d12 damage, and if you rolled a 12 on the damage, you got to reroll until you didn't get a 12.
Then again, my only complaints about guns are that they're way too expensive, nobody on God's green earth likes misfire rules, my group won't ever let any of my characters have a blunderbuss ever since The Incident, and the part of our group's world I run in has Warring States-era Japan, so some of my NPCs strongly object to dishonorable gaijin firearms. (And yes, I know, actual Warring States samurai had really crappy arquebuses.)
It's a world where the Wizard, Cleric and Druid are the godkings of adventurerkind, and the Fighter, Monk and Rogue are so laughably useless that they'll be lucky to be kept around as pack mules.
The above is true in "Core Rulebook-only" and "GET READY TO DRINK FROM THE FIRE HOSE" versions of Pathfinder. =p
What I would do is this:
Just under that on the left side: Six spaces, one for each ability score. You'd write something like "Strength [14 | +2]" in the area for Strength. Under each ability score, lines for each skill tied to it. (Constitution is left out.)
To the right of that: Armor Class and Defenses. Three rows for your Armor Class, touch, and flat-footed; beneath that, rows for your Fortitude, Reflex, Will saves, and your CMD.
Under both of those: Base attack bonus, total melee/ranged attack bonus, CMB. Spaces for attacks/damage/commonly-used attack spells.
Near the Bottom: Current/Maximum Hit Points, Initiative, movement speed(s).
To the right of that: Your itempack. Simple stuff, list the crap you're lugging around.
Big-assed section on the bottom left: Labels for each magic item slot, plus a few blanks for ioun stones/other slotless goods, and blanks next to those to write stuff in with.
To the right of your magic items: Feats!
Ten Sections Under That: Enough blanks for a proper spellbook. Look, I'm not exactly a graphic designer.
Incidentally, Fourth and Fifth Edition both have a slot on your character sheet for "Passive Perception." (At least Fourth, for all its myriad faults, has the courtesy to tell you "(10 + Perception)" in much smaller text under that, unlike Fifth. I guess WotC was assuming you were familiar enough to know what they meant.)