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Cayden Cailean

Snorb's page

FullStar Pathfinder Society GM. 227 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 2 Pathfinder Society characters.


1 to 50 of 227 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | next > last >>
Liberty's Edge

I think he's really asking "So how do I get Dex to melee attacks and damage without having to spend a precious feat slot on it?"

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ShroudedInLight wrote:

So why have the designers NOT allowed you to use Light Weapons provided you are only attacking with one hand?

Comedy answer.

Actual Answer:
Who knows? I'd chalk it up to "to maintain backwards compatibility with Third Edition."

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64. Jacobs' Polysyllabic Utterance

While suffering from the effects of this curse, you must rename all of your spells (prepared or spontaneous) in the most over-the-top fancypants style you can. (For example, "Snorbicus's Scintillating Slammer" will do when "Magic Missile" would not.) You must spend a swift action to should the spell's new name in addition to whatever other action(s) you need to cast the spell.

If you happen to be a martial character, you have to rename your basic attacks; if you are a formula caster, you have to rename all your formulae.

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Snickersnack: Katanas are in the SRD, under Ultimate Combat > Mastering Combat > Eastern Armor and Weapons. Click this and scroll down! =p

More specifically, a katana is a one-handed exotic melee weapon with a reach of 5', does 1d8 slashing damage, critical hits on an 18-20 for double damage, and has the Deadly property, which adds +4 to the Fortitude save difficulty when you coup de grace someone with it. It costs 50 gold.

Liberty's Edge

Or hell, just get an elven curveblade. Those are two-handed finesse weapons (and prior to Ultimate Combat, what I actually used for katanas.)

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68. Coffeepot of Endless Coffee

This coffeepot looks to be made from a strange transparent glasslike material, and is always filled with strong black Ankhesi coffee. Once per day, when you drink straight from the coffeepot, you can stay awake for an additional twelve hours without sleepiness or any of its deleterious effects. During this time, you gain a +2 bonus on saves against effects that would put you to sleep (such as the Sleep spell or drow poison.)

Once the effect ends, you are just as tired as you normally would be had you not drank the coffee.

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Okay, I guess I'll go mountain dwarf barbarian. Let's roll zem dice and see what little I can afford.

Filthy Filthy Lucre: 2d4 ⇒ (1, 4) = 5 * 10 = 50 gold. Not... too bad, I guess?

Liberty's Edge

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What I want is the monk to be able to wallrun or run on water with judicious use of ki.

What I want is the monk to be throwing Kamehamehamehadoukens. (Or Masenko-Has, or Special Beam CannonDevil's Screw Cannons, or Final Flashes.)

What I want is the monk to get Lay on Hands Lite with ki.

What I want is the monk to use ki to charge and make one unarmed attack + 1d12 damage. (...Yes, I liked the Flying Jump Kick feat from Complete Warrior. I think it was Complete Warrior? Too lazy to check it.)

What I want is a monk to not have to pick between "I can use fast movement" and "I can punch somebody eight times in six seconds" every round.

Hell, what I want is "Pick Strength or Dexterity, key that to your unarmed attack, no questions asked."

(I guess this boils down to "What I want is a monk that's half Goku, half Sabin Figaro.")

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Stats: 4d6 ⇒ (6, 1, 6, 5) = 18 17
Stats: 4d6 ⇒ (5, 6, 6, 1) = 18 17
Stats: 4d6 ⇒ (3, 6, 6, 5) = 20 17
Stats: 4d6 ⇒ (4, 5, 4, 3) = 16 13
Stats: 4d6 ⇒ (1, 4, 3, 4) = 12 11
Stats: 4d6 ⇒ (5, 1, 6, 4) = 16 15

Holy crap those were some awesome rolls

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Sounds interesting. Where should we do rolling, and where should we post character details?

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Alchemists - An accident just waiting to happen
Barbarians - A pack
Bards - TARGET PRACTICE A college
Clerics - A pilgrimage
Druids - A circle
Gunslingers - Four people who made some VERY poor career choices A posse
Fighters - A squad
Monks - ...y'know, I have no idea.
Rangers - Hell, you only need one!

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I play a human* woman in Iron Gods. She beats people to death and can lift just over half a ton above her head. I think she's normal.

The rest of the party are a human barbarian who is EXTREMELY superstitious and hates magic to the point where he makes saves against everything [this is how we found out Haste has a Fortitude save to negate], a human skald who sings death metal [in Iron Age Finland?!], and an android sorcerer/cleric. I think this whole group is normal. =p

*Well, human with a cybernetic right arm thanks to a critical hit in The Enemy's favor.

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Khan: (grabs Admiral Marcus by the head and hauls him to his feet) You should have let me sleep. (Khan proceeds to crush the admiral's skull IN HIS BARE HANDS)

Carol Marcus: (screams in absolute terror)

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I need permission to look at the alma =p

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Bodhizen wrote:
Nazard wrote:

Try to find some old Hollow World Mystara materials. It's been done before, so why reinvent the wheel?

My first RPG experience was Hollow World. East and west were backwards...17 years later, I still have to actively remind myself which way east REALLY is...

I've actually been converting some of the old Hollow World Mystara materials from 1st edition D&D over into Pathfinder materials for private use for quite some time now.

There's no material on how far you can see before the curve of the Hollow World becomes noticeable. However, as far as gravity... Magic did it. Specifically, Ka the Preserver's magic.

Y'see, Ka was this 45-foot long carnivorous dinosaur who started saving all of these cultures from extinction by kidnapping them and putting them in the Hollow World. You probably remember this, having played in the Hollow World setting. Anyway... Ka became a god and kept doing his thing.

Opened up a pinhole-sized gateway to the elemental plane of energy for use as the "sun". Set floating continents near to the gateway to help the people of the Hollow World tell time, only set the atmosphere to go up a certain distance above the surface of the Hollow World (not anywhere close to the floating continents), set entrances to the Hollow World at the poles, and all kinds of other wacky stuff.

But nothing math-nerdy.

Best wishes!

Well, damn. That explains why the Genesis game's called Warriors of the Eternal Sun.

Liberty's Edge

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38) Your requisite female eye-candy NPC patron put up a poster on the Adventurer's Guild message board that reads (in full) "ADVENTURERS WANTED!! A party of Four* Courageous** Heroes of the Realm requested to fulfill one simple errand. Inquire at Iocasta Gardakan's*** manor house." and has those little serrated pull-tabs at the bottom with her address.

Your party were the first four people to show up. Nothing special, nothing destined, you're just the first heavily-armed ruffians to arrive.

*Or five. Or four + a bard; bards don't actually count as people.
**Courage optional.
***Not her real name.

Liberty's Edge

I just want to do +60 damage per swing with my greatsword, that's all. =p

(Also, I think Deadly Aim's a little silly, but I'm playing a Deadly Aim-based slayer in Way of the Wicked, so what do I know about character optimization? Squat.)

Liberty's Edge

Why can't Power Attack just combine both the 3.5 and PRPG versions? Something like "Take a penalty to your melee attack up to your Base Attack Bonus, add twice that amount to melee damage (thrice that amount if you're using a two-handed weapon)"?

Besides "Because it'll make iterative attacks a nightmare, Snorb."

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The source would be your weapon. You're still slashing your foe with it, even as you're using it to deliver Shocking Grasp.

(That reminds me, I should stat up that Magus/Cleric/Mystic Theurge who was able to channel Cure/Inflict Wounds through her sword for our Wrath of the Righteous reboot.)

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26. The Eye of God
Hundreds of hexagonal stone columns, colored white, black, or blue near their tops, sit in an ancient valley that has been carved out by the flow of magma untold eons ago. At the bottom of the valley, the columns are a mere curiosity that form a small maze; however, when viewed from the top of the valley, at the proper angle, their true nature becomes apparent.

When viewed properly, the columns take on the perfect appearance of a human eye.

27. Passage From Genesis
This massive aqueduct once served a city now long-dead; cool, clear water still flows freely, despite there being no source of water anywhere near the aqueduct.

28. Yggdrasil
No tree could possibly be this large, right? Right? Yet, here you are. The air is always clean and easy to breathe within Yggdrasil's canopy, and it's rumored that not all of the tree's roots are on the Material Plane. Clever adventurers have been able to trace the roots to the Elemental Planes, Mechanus, Nirvana, Elysium, and even Sigil.

Also, I'm amazed Chrome actually recognized "Yggdrasil."

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Zeroth things zeroth: Our group's last attempt at Skull & Shackles kinda petered out a couple years ago, so I'm not going to eulogize that here. (Yet, anyway.) We started anew a few weeks ago, with me running it this time!

And last night, we had our first* casualty offering to Besmara!

Name: Sharkskinned Bellian

Race: Duergar Gunslinger

Origins: Port Peril

Adventure: The Wormwood Mutiny

Location: Somewhere on the Maelstrom Ocean

Cause of Death: SHARK

A Crew of th' Damned: First things first, our party in Skull & Shackles:

  • Ro'Byrts: A drow rogue with a century of nautical experience. I let him use cutlasses with Weapon Finesse because it kinda fits the conceit of piracy. Known to be quite the (well-liked!) conversationalist for a dark elf, and single-handedly pulled off a theft on Cutthroat's quartermaster shop that resulted in the four extremely antagonistic deckhands from Day Two getting a fatal keelhauling each. He was a swab on the Wormwood.
  • Sharkskinned Bellian: The duergar gunslinger in question, who really enjoys talking about the history of the duergar, the kittens he ate, and the atrocities his ancestors committed against the dwarves during the Two Hundred Years' War. His leg was taken off by a shark years ago, and as a result Sharkskin had a psychotic hatred of all aquatic life whatsoever. It is only fitting that he was buddy-buddy with Ambrose Kroop.
  • John Fargloom: An undine druid whose animal companion is Blackey, an orca. He was a rigger, but enjoyed going to the bilges anyway because he was (somehow) able to psychically contact Blackey after a few days of separation. He also nearly got the Wormwood torn apart by reefs while he was the lookout.
  • Grue: A half-orc paladin(!) He tries to not kill anything. He was a swab as well, despite having to be taught shipboard directions at least twice, and consistently failed every single attempt at the Runner errand. (Guess what job Plugg started heaping unto him on Day 17. =p)

Makin' Friends Among Th' Crew: Over the course of the (somewhat boring) shanghaied-into-doing-pirate-crew-grunt-work part of the game, the group befriended Sandara, Kroop, Rosie Cusswell, and Badger (one of the minor crewmembers that only has a generic statblock, thanks Paizo.) Nobody really dealt with Cog save for one really awkward conversation with Grue (that led to "(smack!) This is your fore! (smack!) This is your aft! (smack!) This is your port! (smack!) And this is yer starboard!" "Fort... ass... port... not port?"), and nobody wanted to deal with Conchobar. As for the dwarf on the ship... well, he and Sharkskin got into a little "theological argument" (READ: "old-timey bare-knuckle drag-out fist fight") that ended with Sharkskin swearing a vengeance against the dwarf.

What Sharkskinned Bellian Did: So overnight after the brawl, Sharkskin slashes the dwarf's throat in his bunk and dumps the corpse overboard. Grue sees him, and after a hilariously bungled chat that wound up becoming "Sharkskin accidentally confesses to murder," narcs on him to Captain Harrigan. Harrigan is really pissed off at this, but Mr. Plugg steps in with his own form of "execution."

Sharkskin gets to go fight Owlbear the very next night. (This was not something I threw in, this was literally the night before the scripted fight with Owlbear and just excellent timing on the player's part.)

(Insert the Gilette Stay Sharp March Here): Owlbear, the next night, I play up about as dumb as a box of rocks as I could, and Sharkskin's player and I call our attacks as we roll dice. (I actually wound up singing Don Flamenco's theme in Owlbear's voice, and let's just say many a Punch-Out!! reference was made.)

Now, a big point of divergence in our group's playthrough: When my character, Kara of Rain and Thunder, fought Owlbear back in 2012, she said "This is no fight! This is bullying a child! I won't stand for this!" once Owlbear tried to break off the fight.

When Owlbear tried to break off the fight in 2014, Sharkskin grinned, said "There's nowhere to run, dumbass!!!" and proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

He then blames the rest of the party for him getting caught murdering the dwarf. Sharkskin gets called out for what he did, and Sharkskin, like any reasonable person, proceeds to tell Captain Harrigan that the rest of the party, Sandara, Kroop, and a couple others were going to mutiny.

The ACME Detective School Graduate: Problem with such a heavy accusation is, you need actual proof that six people are planning a mutiny, and everyone involved proceeds to lie to Harrigan and Plugg that Sharkskin was the only one pulling for mutiny. Sharkskin is sentenced to a keelhauling, which he actually managed to survive thanks to low damage rolls and John Fargloom casting Goodberry, along with the instructions "Don't swallow unless you need to!" (Where did he get the berries? Ro snuck into Harrigan's quarters as Corky the cabin girl was entering, and bribed her to get some berries.)

Time Passes...: Eventually, the Man's Promise, a Pellaen cruising vessel, is spotted on the horizon. The Wormwood closes, and our intrepid band is chosen to raid the sterncastle and capture the ship. Ro gets in the rigging, ready to swing over, while the party (along with their hired NPC allies, Sandara and Conchobar) prepare to grappling hook and climb over. The water between the vessels is chummed, both crews line up on the deck chanting like the Corcians from Atlantis's second season premiere, and then...

Round One
Ro: (swings onto the Man's Promise and casts Darkness on himself)
Sandara, Grue, and Conchobar: (grapple the Man's Promise and tie off their lines)
John Fargloom: (gets a running start and leaps over, landing in a lifeboat. The vessels were much closer than stated in the book, but what the hell.)
Sharkskin: (decides Conchobar would be much more useful as shark bait and fails miserably at bull rushing him into the water)

Round Two
Ro: (fights the Pellaens with dual-wielding cutlassery... or as close to it as a first level character can get.)
Sandara and Grue: (climb over to the Man's Promise; Sandara is nearly shot by one of the Pellaen musketmen on the sterncastle)
John: (starts running to the mizzenmast on the Man's Promise)
Conchobar: What are you doing, you murderous oaf!?
Sharkskin: (obvious lie) I'm... TRYING to help you board the enemy ship!
Conchobar: I don't need YOUR help! >_< (starts climbing over)
Sharkskin: "Oaf?!" "OAF?!" (cuts Conchobar's rope as he's climbing over!)
Conchobar: EEGAHHHHHHHH (smashes into the Man's Promise's hull, and into the water)
Shark: (takes a bite out of gnome)

Round Three or So
Ro: (continues valiantly fighting the Pellaens)
Grue: (starts nonlethal fighting against the Pellaens)
Sandara: (tries her best to support)
John: (climbs to the crow's nest, starts summoning a stirge. "Yay, first level!")
Conchobar: (is busy adding his own innards to the chum)
Sharkskin: Okay. The ship's ten feet away... I can do this. I've got a decent Acrobatics. It's DC 10.
Ro's Player: DC 20. You need a running start.
Sharkskin: Eh, whatever. I can do this! (rolls dismally low) D: (lands in the water)
Shark: (finishes off Conchobar)
Sharkskin's Player: I need a scribble. (writes "^w^" on a piece of paper) This is my face as Conchobar dies. =D

Round Four??
Ro and Sandara: (valiant fighting continues)
Grue: (valiant nonlethal fighting continues)
John: (stirge is summoned, summoning starts anew)
Sharkskin: (is attacked by the shark, who decides it wants seconds)
Shark: (is attacked by Sharkskin, who thinks it's the shark that took his leg years ago)
Blackey the Orca: (attacks the shark at John's request)

Round Five and Most of Six
Ro and Sandara: (valiant fighting continues)
Grue: (valiant nonlethal fighting continues)
John: (stirge is summoned, ponders climbing out of the crow's nest)
Sharkskin: (is attacked by the shark, and proceeds to get more of him torn off)
Blackey the Orca: (attacks the shark once in Round Five, then breaks off combat)

The party isn't exactly doing too well, and Sandara's healing channeling is also healing the unconscious Pellaen sailors, mostly because Grue was only knocking them out. Eventually, the captain of the Man's Promise comes out from below decks, and orders every member of the party killed (except Sandara; he has other intentions for her.)

Round Nineish
Ro: (cuts one of the lifeboats free and jumps in)
Sandara: (follows suit, avoiding three nonlethal opportunity attacks, channels)
Grue: (avoiding capture, jumps overboard from the aft. A bad idea in banded mail, but...)
Blackey the Orca: (jumps from the water and catches Grue)
John Fargloom: (jumps overboard from the crow's nest)
Sharkskin: (is shark chow, sorry bud)

More Derailed Than Amtrak: So now the party is adrift on a lifeboat or an orca. The Man's Promise is probably captured, and the fates of Rosie, Kroop, and Badger are uncertain.

At least it'll be interesting from here.

*First PC, anyway.

Liberty's Edge

Technically, you'd only need one book for a time travel AP. =p

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Rynjin wrote:



Guns cost precious feat slots, you know. >=(

Liberty's Edge

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Why not waste fighter levels on Horizon Walker?

Because I'm not the damn ranger.

I'm a fighter. All I want in my life is to take my greatsword and chop every single jackass wizard-who-did-it into dog chow. Or get my big-assed crossbow out and shoot some spellcaster through the neck as he's shouting those moronic prayers of his. Or beat a dragon to death with my bare hands.

I don't need to steal the ranger's playbook here, I just want to deal out the damage and take the hits like a champ.

So to those of you who say "But... but you can ethereal jaunt and Dimensional Savant!! ;_;" I say in response, "GNOME!! Fetch hither that jetpack you cobbled together from two barrels, my spare crossbows, and all those alchemist's fires we bought the other day."

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That's a funny way of saying "Saga Edition."

I worked for a FLGS for six hours in 2007; the Core Rulebook was my pay. I will defend this edition until I go to my grave.

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Sir Runsa Lott, the valiant paladin.

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Christopher Dudley wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
With heads such a liability, just have it removed preventatively.
Or just resleeve into a body without one.

Full-body cyborgization costs euros and Humanity, guys. D:

(The rest of the team would appreciate it if you didn't start the campaign one step away from cyberpsychosis. =p)

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thejeff wrote:
Snorb wrote:
Cyberpunk 2020 is very good if you enjoy 80s mirrorshades and chrome, style over substance cyberpunk like I do. Just keep in mind, holy mother of God combat can be extremely lethal. If you take 8 or more damage in one attack to a limb, the limb is blown off or otherwise destroyed utterly. Body armor is a smart investment in this setting.
Bah. If you get a limb blown off, just buy a better one. No big deal.

You can't buy a better head!!!

Also, seconding Pan's recommendation with Traveller. Just be sure to get Mongoose Publishing's version (called "Mongoose Traveller") and not Fifth Edition Traveller.

Liberty's Edge

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Cyberpunk 2020 is very good if you enjoy 80s mirrorshades and chrome, style over substance cyberpunk like I do. Just keep in mind, holy mother of God combat can be extremely lethal. If you take 8 or more damage in one attack to a limb, the limb is blown off or otherwise destroyed utterly. Body armor is a smart investment in this setting.

Oh, before I recommend Savage Worlds, any damage you take to your head that isn't reduced by body armor or your Body adjustment is doubled. Your head counts as a limb, so needless to say getting hit in the head can screw up any future plans your street samurai had for living. A Kevlar helmet costs about 300 euros. A helmet is an extremely smart investment in Cyberpunk 2020.

Savage Worlds is awesome, and should be used. =p (Just reflavor or restrict the Arcane Background advantages and you're golden. Nonhuman species? Just write something like, I dunno, "I'm a Sengzhac." on your character sheet.)

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Skull & Shackles Adventure Path-Specific Achievements
(Y'arr! Here there be spoilers, mateys!)

Cannonballs of Steel
Survive a keelhauling (by any means necessary.)

Despicable Ye, Mateys
Gain 20 total Infamy.

Emptied the Island of Empty Eyes
Complete Book Four of the Skull & Shackles Adventure Path.

Fair-Weather Jack
Botch every single crew job Mister Plugg assigns you.

Fever Sea Raided
Complete Book Two of the Skull & Shackles Adventure Path.

For Hate's Sake, I Spit My Last Breath At Thee
Complete Book Six of the Skull & Shackles Adventure Path, proving yourselves to be the greatest pirates on the high seas!

Most Disgrateful
Gain 10 total Infamy.

Mutiny on the Boun... Err, Wormwood
Complete Book One of the Skull & Shackles Adventure Path.

Not So Loathsome Now
Gain 40 total Infamy.

Paid the Price of Infamy
Complete Book Five of the Skull & Shackles Adventure Path.

Taming the Rising Tempest
Complete Book Three of the Skull & Shackles Adventure Path.

The Sea Is a Cruel Mistress
Somehow manage to make Sandara Quinn hostile to your party.

They're More... Suggestions Than a Code
Play a paladin during this Adventure Path-- without falling.

Tonight You Dine on Hardtack Soup
Somehow manage to make Ambrose "Fishguts" Kroop hostile to your party.

Victorious Notorious
Gain 30 total Infamy.

Vile Pirates, Arrrrr
Gain 55 total Infamy.

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Considering the paladin was going crazy (half of his time was spent dealing horrible verbal/physical/psychological abuse to my gnome ranger/fighter) I wouldn't be surprised if he'd silently fallen and was just shouting "SMITE EVIL!!!" at people up to six times per day.

Scotty: He did indeed get three Smites off-- the bolded Smite $&%#ing Evil was reserved for Xanderghaul, the other two went to two other named potential villains. (Our DM heavily modified Rise of the Runelords so we wound up fighting all seven of the Runelords. The other two opponents in the fight against Xanderghaul were two other factions interested in having our party's power as Runelords. Except mine-- I failed my Runelord of Wrath test and wound up calling every single wizard we met since the tests "that jacka~%@!%+ wizard who did it." Including the one in our party.)

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Iron Gods: We just defeated Kullgra (well, two of us did; the other two were busy with Hellgarth) and our party's magic-hating barbarian wanted her chainsaw.

"Okay, standard action: I move over Kullgra's corpse. Move action: I pick up her chainsaw! Swift action! (mimicking pulling the start cord on a chainsaw) RrrrRENG-ENG-ENG-ENG! BzzzZZzzzzzzZZzzzzZZ!"

And from our long-since completed Rise of the Runelords campaign, where our paladin who was growing more and more insane by the day finally came across a whole bunch of evil guys to fight.

"Okay: Swift action, (points at one guy) Smite Evil! Move action, (points at another guy) Smite Evil! Standard action, (points at the third guy) Smite F#%@ing Evil!"

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@Shisumo: He did-- he even specifically told us that he moved Kullgra to the arena just so Jagg could fight her and get into the Excavator with her chainsaw, and he told us (right before the session, no less) that he was replacing some of the mounted kobold's feats.

To be fair, we should have known something was up when he asked "Hey, Cory, Spirited Charge does triple damage if you're using a lance, right? What are the prereqs for it?"

And yes, he and the entire group know about these. Hell, I even got chided for forgetting that after Mira died, Jagg's player shouted at him "G+@ d$@n it, Damien! I just finished painting her mini!!"

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Name: Mira (Red)
Race: Human
Origin: Pellaos, our world's 'MURICA with guns.
Adventure: Lords of Rust
Location: The Excavator beneath the city of Scrapyard
What Done It: Hellion

Before we begin this one, there are a few things I need to point out about our group's run in Iron Gods:

  • Mike the DM moved Kullgra (the half orc with the chainsaw) from her encounter in the Excavator to joining Hellgarth the troll in Scrapyard's arena, so we went into this fight one +1 chainsaw richer.
  • We went to the arena after saving Whitefist because the Lords of Rust captured Mira (her player missed the game) and threatened to publicly execute her.
  • What followed was probably one of the goriest battles I've ever seen in Pathfinder, where Jagg, son of Krung the Now-Properly-Spelled, and Tharja got thoroughly soaked in each others' (and Kullgra's) blood.

How Gory Was My Battle: Jagg took three hits from that damn chainsaw, I took one. With his barbarian-raging masterwork falchion and my Amulet of Mighty Fists-enhanced punching power, we took Kullgra down in a few rounds. Mike and I were describing all the gore that went all over the place. Meanwhile, Murph and Singer (our skald, a replacement for Sakit who died a couple posts up) were busy taking care of Hellgarth.

Defining "Taking Care Of": Singer got shot with an autograpple, then dragged ten feet as Hellgarth rode her mechanical chariot close enough to take a swing at Murph. Murph cast Forbid Action on the horses, bringing them to a sudden stop as he said "I forbid you to move!" Hellgarth found out how inertia works when she botched her Reflex save to stay in the chariot and got hurled ten feet over the horses' backs.

Singer: (realizing he's still attached to the autograpple that Hellgarth's still holding) Oh, $#+&!!! (gets dragged ten feet on his face)

Meanwhile, Tharja and Jagg are finishing off Kullgra. Kullgra dies, and one of the best lines we ever had at the table comes out.

Jagg's Player: Okay, standard action! I move over Kullgra's corpse! Move action, I pick up her chainsaw! Swift action! (mimics pulling the starter cord on a chainsaw) RENG-ENG-ENG-ENG-ENG! BzzzzZzzZZZZZzzzZZZ!!

Now that said, on to what got Mira put into this situation.

Rampancy Ain't Just a Halo Thing: As we return to the arena, Hellion starts taunting us and threatening us. I should note that Mike asked me to describe how he changed Hellion's appearance, as the book's picture of him sucked. So imagine something like the Master Control Program from TRON with Wheatley's personality and Max Headroom's com-computer gen-gener-nerated sw-sw-swagger, and you have our group's Hellion.

We fight our way down through the Excavator, fun things happen. Tharja gets impaled by a kobold with Spirited Charge (changed from the book, Mike thought the build was suboptimal, thanks a lot), Jagg drinks spent nuclear waste and the only ill effect he has is vomiting, we smash a bunch of expensive holographic emitters and monitors displaying Hellion's ugly mug. The usual murderhoboistry.

She'll Ram Her Ovipositor Down Your Throat and Lay Her Eggs In Your Chest. But She's Not An Alien: At the bottom, we meet the xill that's trapped in there. She offers us safe passage to Hellion's chamber if we'll remove the curse binding her down there. We debate this, I shout the bolded sentences from the start of this paragraph to the group. Murph seriously considers it, Jagg realizes that we're here to kill Hellion anyway, so he shouts out "Hey! Hellion! We're here to get you!"

Hellion marches out, the fight begins with the xill unable to do anything. (Murph also tried running away.) The battle didn't quite go as well as we planned.

I went down in a spray of blood while Singer was trying to cast Bull's Strength on Jagg. He had to abort that to pull my butt out of the sling.

Murphy failed a Will save, got confused for eight rounds.

Singer (eventually) went down as well, after taunting something with Divine Initiative to "BRING IIIIT." (Spoiler: He did. Twice.)

A critical hit from one of Hellion's claws winds up crushing Mira, bringing her down as her spleen ruptures, causing her to start internally bleeding. Meanwhile, Hellion and Jagg are in an endurance match to see whether Jagg can chainsaw through Hellion before Hellion can beat our barbarian to death.

For Want of a Nail: All Murphy needs to do is roll one successfully low roll on a confusion check to act naturally so he can channel and save Mira's life. Nope. All he kept getting were "hurt nearest creature" and "contemplate navel."

Mira proceeded to crap out on us.

Then, fortuitous events happen. One of Hellion's claws gets stuck in something thanks to a fumble, and he can't pull it out. (The curse of low rolls striketh us all...) Jagg proceeds to help him out-- first by chainsawing through the stuck claw arm, then the rest of Hellion's body, finishing off the artificial intelligence menace.

Now, the fun thing about Hellion: Once he drops to 0 or fewer HP, he autodestructs, and (amazingly) Tharja, Singer, and Jagg manage to survive the ensuing plasma-fueled explosion. (Hell, Jagg's the only one with more than 0 HP after it's all rolled out!) Murph starts channeling like all hell, we realize as we regain consciousness that Mira's not moving.

After talking/shaming Murphy out of using a scroll of Animate Dead to raise Mira as a skele-creature or whatever he was planning, we decide to pick her body up and make the long march back to town to get Raise Dead cast on her.

Jagg: (while Murph's Speak With Dead spell is still active on Mira) Red, you realize this is coming out of your share of the treasure!

Mira's Corpse: Yeah... =(

The Unusual Part: We realize that we were rewarded with a scroll of Resurrection back in Book One! So we all get our filthy filthy silverdiscs, Mira comes back from the dead (almost) good as new, and we're on to Book Three!

So, yeah. That's the first one of these I've ever written where the obituary's subject came back from the dead.

Don't look at me like that, I suggested that we should do what Shin Megami Tensei IV did and bribe Charon the ferryman into letting us come back to life.

...Oh, and not surprisingly, Hellion was a load-bearing boss, the xill realized that we weren't going to be setting her free at all.

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Hell, just steal the Buck Rogers: High Adventure Cliffhangers rule for initiative-- the PCs go first (Hey, they're the heroes, so why not?)

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I've only ever played a druid about once. So, not exactly 100% qualified to make any changes about them! (At least you didn't say anything about me accidentally leaving the paladin section blank because I forgot not making any changes to the paladin because they work as intended! =p)

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You know the DM is out to get you when tarrasques show up in the random encounter table.

At first level.

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Oh boy. Where in the world am I gonna start...

Oh. yeah. Duh.

Mechanics that will be A Thing in Pathfinder as I'd write it: Spending dice from a die pool to fuel/improve actions.

Rage will not affect your Constitution. Instead, you get temporary hit points equal to twice your barbarian level, and you get a morale bonus to Fortitude as well as Will.

While you're raging, you have a pool of d8s that you can roll to give you attack/damage bonuses. (This is going to be a recurring theme.) For each rage die missing from your pool, you get a -1 penalty to your Armor Class.

My big change to the bard, inspired from the d20 version of Everquest: You no longer get spells/day. You are a non-magical bard.

In exchange, you get a much, much greater selection of bardic music. Think something like 2 + Cha mod songs known at first level, and you gain one every level.

You can perform one song at a time, and you can add additional song effects into the mix with ever-increasing difficulties on Perform checks. (Like, you start with Inspire Courage to boost the party's attack rolls, next round you make a DC 20 Perform check, so you can add in a Song of Soothing to grant some fast healing.)

Let's keep this simple: You get a limited amount of spells known, just like the sorcerer. You can spontaneously cast any of them that you know. (Cure/Inflict Wounds never count against your spells known.)

So why choose a deity? Because besides granting you a favored weapon, your deity grants you additional bonus known spells and an additional effect to your Channel Energy ability, depending on your chosen domains (Water channeling can heal creatures with the Water subtype or harm creatures with the Fire subtype.)

Hoo boy. I've not played druids much. I actually don't really have much of an idea of how I'd alter them.

Maybe I'd just "borrow" the Pyeryem [shapechanging] stuff from 7th Sea, where you have to negotiate with animals to get their spirit selves so you can wild shape.

Hell, maybe I'd add something similar to Deadlands' shaman magic, where you have to appease the spirits of nature in order to cast spells.

First major change, and this affects every class as a whole: The fighter is the only class in the entire game that gets to make iterative attacks. Period. You want more attacks in a round? Either put a knife in your left hand, or become a fighting-man with the most hits.

And yes, you can move ten feet, make two swings of your sword, then move your other twenty feet before making your third attack.

That said, let's take a cue from Fifth Edition's Martial Master fighter. You get martial superiority dice. You can spend those dice to essentially Power Attack, Combat Expertise, Accurate Attack, give yourself instant damage reduction, add a knockback/knockdown effect to your attack, &c.

First things first: If you take monk levels, you must make Bruce Lee sounds every so often during combat. Qwo poo.

Stupidity aside, monks get ki. You can use the ki to fire energy beams (1d6 damage/round spent charging your ki, and yes, you have to roleplay it as "Kame-hame-hame-hame-hadouken!"). You can use ki to run along/up walls or on water/other liquids (just make sure you have a safe place to stop moving.) You get to flurry, of course, and you get your monk defense and fast movement as normal.

You also get to pick a monastic tradition which affects some of your monk abilities. The Order of the Gentle Rain, for example, gives you a better wholeness of body ability, while the Order of the White Tiger gives you faster monk unarmed damage progression.


You are a master of the hunt, you should have something better than a flat +2 to hit and damage against favored enemies. I'd go with "roll 2d20 and use the better roll" for attack rolls on your favored enemies, and starting at second level (and every 3 levels after) you get +1d6 damage against your favored enemies.

Rogues can excel at sneak attacking, but there is some very limited opportunity to do so. They can do melee sneak attacks against enemies they flank like normal, and they can do both melee and ranged sneak attacks against enemies that at least two other party members are engaging in melee.

You're mana-based now. You still get spells known, of course. (Metamagic feats increase the mana cost of the spell you're trying to cast.) Every few levels, you get one metamagic permanently attached to one spell for free. You're like a wu jen!

The drawback to this power: You are not entirely in control of your magic. You get to randomly determine your spells' energy type.

I'd enforce the old Second Edition limits on just how many spells a wizard can have in his spellbook, but that's just me.

Oh, and speaking of spellbooks: Your spellbook doesn't necessarily have to be a book. It can be a very very long scroll written in a script that looks like musical notation; it can be a series of glass discs engraved with arcane writing that looks proto-Elven; it can be the fighter's old shield that you engraved Braille-like writing on the back of; hell, you can just pull a Star Ocean 3 and tattoo your entire spellbook onto your person with mysterious arcane ritae. Just remember that you can always be separated from your spellbooks! (And in the case of the spellbook tattoos, you're entirely at the mercy of your DM as to what ill effects you suffer there.)

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An opportunity attack is exactly that: You attack your opponent because he gave you the opportunity.

Attacking someone requires an attack roll.

Attack rolls threaten a critical hit on a 20 (or lower, weapon/enchantments depending.)

So yes, you can critical someone on an opportunity attack.

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Blood! Blood For Armok, God of Blood!
Maintain barbarian rage for thirty consecutive rounds during combat.

Carter Beats the Devil
Somehow manage to get at least three good cards from a Deck of Many Things.

Cursed (Weapon) With Awesome
Use a Berserking Sword in combat, despite knowing about its cursed nature.

Free Bird!
Maintain a bardic performance for thirty consecutive rounds during combat.

How Breaking Bad Should Have Ended
Throw fifteen alchemist bombs during one combat.

I %#$&ed a Mermaid
If you're reading this achievement's description, you probably met it already.

I Wish I Had a Better Rules Lawyer
Get screwed over by a poorly-worded Wish spell.

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James Bond: (after a shootout in a drug lab, followed by a very long and awesome chase on tanker trucks filled with gasoline and cocaine that involved rolling one of them over a cliff, crawls away from the wreckage of said gasoline/cocaine-filled tanker truck, covered in grime and sweat, his clothes tattered. He only gets about five steps before crawling face-first into a machete)

Franz Sanchez: (the owner of said tanker trucks that were wrecked by 007, thoroughly soaked in gasoline from head to toe; now standing triumphant above Bond, holding a machete in his face. He grabs Bond, hauling him to his feet before slamming him against a rock) You could have had everything! (raises the machete, ready to chop Bond into dog food)

James Bond: Don't you want to know why?

Sanchez: (hesitates)

Bond: (pulls out his cigar lighter from the beginning of the movie, engraved "To James - Love Always, Della and Felix" ...and proceeds to light Sanchez's jacket on fire)

Sanchez's Fiery Death: D: (screams and flails around for about six seconds while on fire, before his knees buckle and he collapses into a puddle of gasoline... that's oozing from the tanker truck! The gasoline ignites in a burst of flame and starts trailing up to the tanker)

Bond: D: D: D: (hauls ass, diving behind a rock outcropping)

Tanker Truck: (bursts into flames) (COLOSSAL EXPLOSION!)

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This was something I was coming up with for a d20 variant that (like most pen and paper games I try working on) might ultimately go nowhere, but:

Elves (or in their language, the elowaan) were one of the first races on Istoria. They split into four distinct subraces, referred to as the Courts, following the conclusion of the War of the Solstice millennia ago. No matter what Court they belong to, all elves have ears that taper to points, and the sclera of their eyes is tinted the same color as their irises.

All elves have the following characteristics:

  • Elves are Medium creatures, and their base movement speed is 30' (6 squares) per round.
  • Elves have low light vision. They can see twice as far as a human normally can in low light (such as by torchlight or starlight.)
  • Elves do not sleep; they instead enter an instinctive meditative trance for eight hours. Any sleep effect that affects an elf brings them into this meditative state.
  • Elves choose from one of the three extant Courts. Their choice of Court cannot be changed.

Autumn Elves
Autumn elves, also called wood elves, are the elves most frequently encountered by Istorians. They tend to have either red, brown, or copper-colored hair (sometimes blonde,) and their eye color tends to be green or brown. During the War of the Solstice, the autumn elves maintained a strict neutrality amongst their elven brethren.

  • Autumn elves gain a +1 bonus on attack rolls made with traditional elven weapons (longbows, longswords, rapiers, and shortbows.) This bonus increases by +1 at fourth level and every four levels thereafter.

Summer Elves
Summer elves, also called sun elves, are the elves most frequently described in tales and lore. They were the victorious faction in the War of the Solstice, but despite this victory, summer elves tend to look down on non-elves. They have a particular disdain for winter elves. Summer elves typically have blonde hair, and usually have blue or green eyes.

  • Summer elves have a +2 bonus on any roll made to defeat spell resistance. This bonus increases by +1 at fourth level and every four levels thereafter.

Winter Elves
Winter elves, or snow elves, were the elven Court greatest affected by the War of the Solstice. Despite superior numbers, the winter elves were no match for the Summer Court's magic, and the snow elves were forced to return to the only lands that would have them-- the frozen reaches of the Winterlands, near Istoria's northern pole. Winter elves typically have black or blue hair, and their eyes tend towards shades of blue or purple.

  • Winter elves intrinsically resist cold damage.
  • Winter elves are not generally liked by the people of Istoria. All non-winter or non-autumn elves are one step less friendly than usual towards a winter elf (someone who would normally be neutral would be unfriendly, for example.)

So, What About Spring Elves?:

Nobody on Istoria is quite sure just what happened to elves of the Spring Court; they seem to have disappeared just before the beginning of the War of the Solstice. At the war's conclusion, some people say the spring elves reemerged, but they were changed drastically. Their ears became rounded, and they looked upon the other elves with fear, awe, respect, and curiosity.

The gist of it is, essentially, spring elves are humans.

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I still maintain the very best description of all nine alignments ever was in the AD&D 2e Player's Handbook.

The chaotic neutral character, outraged at the totally tactless (but correct) accusation of cowardice...

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Lawful Good: While the party is (more or less) expected to be A Champion against Evil, you have a different calling. You are expected to be The Champion Against Evil. And no, a few levels of Jesus Lite won't make up for the last three Locate City bombs you pulled.

Neutral Good: I know, I know, everything I do is for the greater good of society, yeah, I got that. I don't kill people, I only screw over those that truly deserve it, it's just... sometimes 30' per round is a little too slow, you know?

Chaotic Good: You do things for society's sake and damn the consequences. Yes. I know that. Now can you stop quoting V For Vendetta as your spells' verbal components already?!

Lawful Neutral: For the last time, you are not Judge Dredd with Magic Missiles. Stop pushing the letter of the law and obey the spirit of it; you don't need to beat the dwarf to death for "assault with intent to kill" simply because he chest-poked you once during a bar fight.

True Neutral: Eh, who cares, you're boring. Seriously, pick a side already. Sailor Moon, Doctor Doom, Joffrey Lannister, the Eighth Doctor, Robocop, Judge Dredd, Batman, Kevin Bacon, just emulate one of them. Please. I'm sick of having you resist Holy Smite, Unholy Blight, Chaos Hammer, and Order's Wrath every damn time I call for it.

Chaotic Neutral: Yes, I know. I know. "It's all about MEEEEEE" is the new "But... but I'm roleplaying my character! ;_;" for the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Fourteen. And yes, your friends on Team Studly Do-Right should be ready for your sudden and inevitable betrayal once Dick Dastardly and the Really Rottens start getting their asses kicked again.

Lawful Evil: I was expecting "rule the world with a velvet-covered fist," not "do what I say or eat sword." Subtlety is key here. Sub. Tul. Tee. ...I never should have let the barbarian go lawful evil.

Neutral Evil: "What's in it for you?" You've asked that on the last four adventures. Each time the answer's been the same: "Because we ain't got an adventure without a full party your 'friends' are watching your back and you're getting filthy filthy platinum coins out of this; maybe a castle and/or a hot princess to deflower and convert to the ways of evil, too. I dunno.

Chaotic Evil: Look, I'll be honest, I'm not expecting anything more than "cartoonishly evil supervillainy" out of you. You might as well twirl your mustache while wearing your fully concealing pitch-black full plate, and why not kick some CR 1/3 puppies while going "Mwa-hahahahaha~!" every so often? And stop humming Golbez's theme every time you use bardic performance.

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Occult Adventures-Related Achievements:

Bell, Book, Candle... And All This Other Crap
Earn twenty levels of the occultist class.

More Energy Bolts Than Iron Man
Earn twenty levels of the kineticist class.

Rules-Patched Action Economy
Multiclass summoner/spiritualist.

Spirit Guide
Earn twenty levels of the spiritualist class.

Taste the Rainbow
Use composite kinetic blasts 100 times.

The Embodiment of >=(
Earn twenty levels of the mesmerist class.

The Psionicist Who Did It
Earn twenty levels of the psychic class.

The Voices in My Head Got Me This
Earn twenty levels of the medium class.

Psionics Unleashed-Related Achievements:

Del Grande Syndrome
Kill fifty opponents with the Mind Thrust psionic power or psychic spell.

Look At Me, I'm Psylocke
Earn twenty levels of the soulknife class.

Mind Over Matter
Take the Psionic Body feat and choose psionic feats for every available feat slot.

Reality Warper
Earn twenty levels of the psion class.

The Magus of Psionics
Earn twenty levels of the psychic warrior class.

Wild Mage... Err, Psion. Whatever.
Earn twenty levels of the wilder class.

Alternate Class-Related Feats:

I'm the Bad Guy, It's What I Do
Earn twenty levels of the antipaladin class.

Katanas Are NOT Overpowered
Earn twenty levels of the samurai class.

Ninja Vanish!
Earn twenty levels of the ninja class.

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Nero: (watching the Jellyfish rapidly approaching, followed by the Alternate Universe Enterprise) FIRE EVERYTHING!! I want Spock DEAD, now!!

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Minor villain, followed by heroic response.

Ayel: (is choking Kirk one-handed, dangling him over a large dropoff somewhere in the Narada's bowels) You humans are even weaker than I thought.
Kirk: (indistinct pained gagging)
Ayel: You can't even speak.
Kirk: (gagging again, hard to make out)
Ayel: What was that?
Kirk: (strained) "I got your gun."

(Kirk proceeds to rip Ayel's disruptor pistol from its holster and fires, blowing a hole through Ayel's guts)

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One I missed before. Because I'm stupid.

Earn twenty levels in the alchemist class.


Mythic-Related Feats:

Don't Need That Fumble Deck Anymore
Learn the Always a Chance champion ability.

I Can See Through Time
Earn ten tiers of the hierophant mythic path.

More Powerful Than Any Man In History
Earn ten tiers of the champion mythic path.

Earn ten tiers of the guardian mythic path.

Seven Nation Army
Earn ten tiers of the marshal mythic path.

Thief of Fate
Earn ten tiers of the trickster mythic path.

The First Step on a Far Greater Path
Become a mythic character.

The Wizard Who Did It
Earn ten tiers of the archmage mythic path.

Prestige Class-Related Achievements:

Better a Smartarse Than a Dumbarse
Earn ten levels of the loremaster prestige class.

Beyond the Wall
Earn ten levels of the Pathfinder chronicler prestige class.

Breath of Fire (or Cold, or Electric, or Acid)
Earn ten levels of the dragon disciple prestige class.

Dodge! Parry! Spin! Thrust!
Earn ten levels of the duelist prestige class.

Elven Archer Is Best Archer
Earn ten levels of the arcane archer prestige class.

I Am! The RED! MAGE!
Earn ten levels of the mystic theurge prestige class. Red hat with feather required.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
Take a level in a prestige class.

OG Ninja
Earn ten levels of the arcane trickster prestige class.

Phantom Thief (Your Name Here)
Earn ten levels of the shadowdancer prestige class.

Retconned By Ultimate Magic
Multiclass magus/eldritch knight.

Spell and Sword
Earn ten levels of the eldritch knight prestige class.

You Are Already Dead
Earn ten levels of the assassin prestige class.

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The Hall of Shame: Achievements You Won't Brag About!

Black and Blue (and Yellow and Green and...)
Take 1000 cumulative Bludgeoning damage.

Dropped the Wrong Kind of Acid
Take 1000 cumulative Acid damage.


Extra Crispy
Take 1000 cumulative Fire damage.

Extreme Hypertension
Take 1000 cumulative bleed damage.

Fresh as the Daisies I Was Pushin' Up
Mitigate or remove the aftereffects of coming back from the dead.

Take 1000 cumulative precision damage.

It Tastes Like Burning
Take 1000 cumulative Positive Energy damage.

Life... CLINGS to Me Like a Disease
Survive a coup de grace attempt.

Lightning Plains Flashbacks
Take 1000 cumulative Electric damage.

More Like Revolving Door to Death's Kingdom
Come back from the dead five times.

Porcupine With Feathers
Take 1000 cumulative Piercing damage.

(Star Trek Phaser Sound Effect)
Get killed by a Disintegrate spell or spell effect.

The Black Energy Wave
Take 1000 cumulative Negative Energy damage.

They're Tally Marks, Not Scars
Take 1000 cumulative Slashing damage.

We Have Reinforcements
Have a level 1 character die, write a "II" after his name on the character sheet... and have him die, too.

Wi Nøt Trei a Høliday in Sweden This Yër?
Take 1000 cumulative Cold damage.

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Quark Blast wrote:

How 'bout the one where the whole game world is mish-mash of tropes from a dozen unrelated fictional settings and non-fictional time periods. Each one carelessly vivisected from it's original narrative scope and plopped unceremoniously next to the others with no real attempt at integration. All this strung over a pre-existing game mechanic framework that manifestly does not support the trope-menagerie playing style proffered by the game designer.

I would say more but it might get me in trouble. ;>

Forgotten Realms? =p

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