Sir Groklok Cobblerpuncher III's page

Wait, so you want to pay us to take on a bunch of thralls? Sure!

Suckers!

#$%& THE HELLKNIGHTS.

Haters gonna hate.

I'm okay with some meat on the bones - BUT NOT IF ITS GREEN. Looks like that meat is rotten.

Haters gonna hate.

Green's also the color of vibrant verdant life.

I know it can be confusing with elves but I'm pretty sure Merisiel is female. She could use a couple of double bacon cheeseburgers, but I'm confident Merisiel is female.

It's an elf. Doesn't really make a difference either way, really.

Good call on the inquisitor though. ;)

A man of taste!

Ugh. The selection is hardly generous.

Most attractive male :

Merisiel. Normally I'd pass, but if I was away from shore long enough, eh, maybe.

Most attractive female :

Seltyiel. Choices are pretty damned limited here. At least she's a little built.

Most talented :

Amiri seems to be the only one out of the bunch that knows how to get by properly.

Most likely to be eaten by a monster :

Lem. At least the other bite-size has a bloody tiger watching her back.

Hottest New Iconic:

HALF-ORC INQUISITOR. A classier lady you will never find.

The cover will be graced by a lovely, charming lady of orcish virtue inflicting much of that hurting.

DEM GAMS.

Well this is awkward.

Has anybody else noticed that every single evil race has darkvision?

orcs,

>:(

evilash wrote:

Why not, that could lead to interesting theological discussions ;)

Damn typos! I meant to say "now" interested, not "not" interested . . . it would indeed be interesting . . .

Although I bet they'd have a ball dealing with cultists of Rovagug together.

reconsiders

Hm....

And...perhaps...they can deal with the aches and pains of the day's hard work...together...

ponders

and if you look closely you can see that her belt buckle seems to be in the form of a pentacle...

looks

;_;

punches a haberdasher

O_O

I say....

tidies up

buys flowers

arranges for a nice, romantic riot later in the evening

What we know for certain:

Something large and reptilian is going to be hurting on the cover.

The cover will be graced by a lovely, charming lady of orcish virtue inflicting much of that hurting.

DEM GAMS.

Roll the GM 4 times and take his highest offer, provided it is satisfactory.

If not, roll 4 more times.

Dark_Mistress wrote:

Vic Wertz wrote:

I've updated the product description. I'd love to show you the finished cover as well, 'cause it's about a bazillion times better than the mockup... but it contains spoilers for some announcements we'll be making in a couple of weeks, so you'll have to live with the mockup cover for a while longer yet.

*bleep* you, *bleeping* tease. :)

That's not a tease.

** spoiler omitted **

YOU MONSTER

Valeros?

@#$%er owes me five gold.

The guy had it coming.

Royalty agreed.

AND BURN DOWN HIS HOUSE.

Sir Groklok Cobblerpuncher III wrote:

Surely no one is suggesting that half-orcs were not intelligent and beautiful before this week?

That would be unfortunate.

Och! Ye hae a fash lie a dug lickin pesh orfa jaggy nettle!

Sir, this slight against my people will not go unchallenged.

rustles your house and burns your livestock

Surely no one is suggesting that half-orcs were not intelligent and beautiful before this week?

That would be unfortunate.

This is a damn disgrace!

Even Abadar's boys would have more stones than that coward!

I wish I had a cobbler.

James Jacobs wrote:

Half-orcs are relatively uncommon NPCs in Golarion so far... that's by design, in fact. They (and half-elves) are supposed to be more of a PC race than any other race; they don't really have nations of their own and the ones that DO survive tend to be the stuff heroes are made of.

That said, we are trying to get a few more half-orcs into the mix. We've got one coming up in a bit, in fact, who's pretty cool... one who may or may not be associated with a prestige class...

Oh god, please don't tell me the sacred prostitute of Calistria PrC doesn't have a Half Orc as the example...

Stop trying to keep us down! There's nothing that says we can't be sacred or prostitutes!

I JUST STUBBED MY TOE AND THERE ARE MUFFINS IN MY OVEN. THIS GOT ME TO THINKING ABOUT RAGING AND WHAT CAN BE DONE WHILE DOING SO.

IT IS COMMON KNOWLEDGE THAT WHILE RAGING CAN BE BENEFICIAL TO SOME ACTIONS, IT IS DETRIMENTAL TO OTHERS. FOR EXAMPLE, IF I AM REALLY ANGRY I CAN ATTACK ENEMIES AND SWIM MORE EFFECTIVELY. ON THE OTHER HAND, I CANNOT PICK LOCKS AND IT POSIBLY AFFECTS MY SPELING.

BUT HAVE WE TRULY SET IN STONE WHAT CAN AND CANNOT BE DONE WHILE RAGING? FOR EXAMPLE, IT IS WELL KNOWN THAT SOMEONE CAN POST ON THE INTERNET WHILE DOING SO, YET ONE CANNOT SCRIBE A SCROLL? HOW DOES THIS NOT BREAK VERISMILLITUDE?

SO PERHAPS WE SHOULD GET IT STRAIGHTENED OUT NOW. WHAT CAN AND CANNOT BE DONE WHILE RAGING? AND WHAT JUSTIFICATION IS THERE FOR ANY CONTRADICTIONS?

THINGS YOU CAN DO WHILE RAGING

JUMPING
CLIMBING?
HITTING THE ENEMY
KICKING THE ENEMY
CRUSHING THE ENEMY
POSTING ON THE INTERNET
ORDERING AT THE DRIVE-THRU
SWIMMING
INTIMIDATING
PERFORM(DRUMS AND BAGPIPES)
RIDING

THINGS YOU CAN NOT DO WHILE RAGING

DISABLING DEVICES
NEGOTIATING WITH THE ENEMY
USE ROPE?
PERFORM(ANYTHING ELSE)
OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY

WHAT ELSE IS THERE? EVEN JUST STARTING, THERE ARE SOME CURIOUS PLACEMENTS FOR SOME OF THESE ACTIONS, SUCH AS RAGING NOT BEING DETRIMENTAL TO HANDLING A MOUNT.

On behalf of the Half-Orcish community I would like to thank Paizo for breaking from the traditional stereotypes and representing us with a charming, classy, and possibly intelligent young woman in their recent "Campaign Setting" publication. Thank you for showing that we are not some homogenized group of thuggish brutes.

Your offices will be spared during the next seasonal raid.

This is exactly why the humanoid community considers orcs to be vermin. This is also why orc-human relationships should be banned. If we start allowing them to breed with us, soon we'll be overrun by them.

Stop oppressing our culture you ethnocentric player race!

I'm just curious if anyone knows why orcs are categorized as "vermin" instead of humanoid?

What?! This is an outrage! An immediate retraction by the party responsible is demanded by the orcish community or we start launching raids in protest!