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RonarsCorruption's page

RPG Superstar 6 Season Star Voter, 9 Season Star Voter. Pathfinder Society Member. 890 posts (894 including aliases). 5 reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 1 Pathfinder Society character. 2 aliases.


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I hope you do! I'll be all dressed up in my Hypercorps 2099 Cosplay as Corruption - the reformed Cthulu cultist, the wizard on the cover of the book - and I'll be on he Hypercorps 2099 panel. If you want to ask me questions, you know where to find me!


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Good catch sten, here's the updated story ability, which includes the normal maximum size of a storied object and a few other tweaks:

Story (Su) A storyteller can write so precisely that they can bring objects and creatures into being from nothing. The appearance of an object or creature created by a storyteller’s story is limited only by the storyteller’s preference - their creations can appear to be made of glowing force, to be naturally constructed or anywhere between or beyond - though to a keen eye their supernatural origin is obvious. Regardless of their superficial appearance, their statistics do not change, except as noted in any words used in the story.
By spending one or more points of eloquence, the storyteller can make a Craft check to create a physical object or tool of their choice, with a circumstance bonus on their check equal to twice the number of points of eloquence spent in this way. The DC of this check is equal to the check required to create a mundane version of the item normally. Once the the check has been made, that item springs to existence in their hand, or in an empty square within 30 feet. If the storyteller fails the check by less than 5, they create the intended item, but it has the broken condition. If they fail by 5 or more, they create an item that appears to be what they intended but doesn’t function (weapons are dull and unbalanced, armor falls apart and doesn’t fit, etc).
If she succeeds her check by 5 or more, the item is considered to be a masterwork version of that item. For each 5 additional points the check is exceeded by, the item is considered to have a +1 enhancement bonus, up to a maximum of +5.
A storied object can weigh 5 lbs, plus two lbs per point of eloquence spent. In addition, it can be no larger than three feet on a side, plus one foot per point of eloquence spent.
Alternately, by spending 2 or more points of eloquence, the storyteller can use her story to bring a creature into being. A creature created by a story has base statistics of:

1HD, Hp 10, AC 11, bab +1; attacks slam +1 (1d6); no good saves; base speed 30, medium size; any one skill at +4. It has the same type and subtypes as the storyteller.
For each point of eloquence spent, a creature gains +1 HD, +10 hp, +1 Dex bonus to AC, +1 natural armor bonus to AC, +1 bab, +1 to all saves, +1 strength to attack and damage, +2 to one of their chosen skills or a new skill at +4.

Whether a storyteller brings to life a new creature or crafts an item with their story, a she can choose to add any of the words she knows to her story. Doing so requires a number of eloquence equal to the number of words included, plus additional eloquence as noted in the particular word.


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Now with a more complete list of words:

Spell word: instead of a typical word, a storyteller can learn a wizard spell like it were a word. This spell must be of a spell level one third their storyteller level or less (minimum 0th level spells) and it can only be written as a phrase. Doing so requires a number of eloquence equal to three times the spell level (minimum 1).

Talented word: calling to mind great accomplishments of all kinds, this word represents the exemplars of particular talent.
Embellishment - the target treats any one skill as a class skill. For each additional two points of eloquence spent, they are considered to have one rank in that skill.
Phrase - the target may make a single skill check using one of the Storytellers bonuses instead of their own. This phrase remains active until the bonus is used, at which point it is erased as normal.
Storied creature - the creature gains proficiency with simple weapons. For 1 additional point of eloquence, they gain proficiency with martial weapons. For each additional point of eloquence spent, a creature gains proficiency with one exotic weapon.

Protection word: This word represents continued existence through sheer perseverance.
Embellishment - for each point of eloquence spent, the target gains a +1 armor bonus to AC. By spending two points of eloquence, the target gains a +1 deflection bonus to AC.
Phrase - the target gains a +2 shield bonus to AC, and becomes immune to magic missiles for one round per point of eloquence spent.
Storied object - an object created gains 1 point of hardness and 5 hit points per point of eloquence spent.
Storied creature - A creature created gains +1 natural armor per point of eloquence spent. Alternately, a creature gains DR 1/-- for each two points of eloquence spent.

Life Word: This word represents the positive energy that flows through all living things.
Embellishment - for each point of eloquence spent, the target gains 5 temporary hit points. If these temporary hit points are reduced to 0, the word is erased.
Phrase - a dying target immediately stabilizes and regains consciousness.
Storied creature - A creature created gains 10 maximum hit points per point of eloquence spent. Alternately, for each 3 points of eloquence spent, a created creature gains fast healing 1.

Heat word: this word calls to mind every sort of heat, from the warmth of an embrace to the scorching sun of the desert.
Embellishment - target gains resist fire 5 per point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - all damage done by this phrase is considered to be fire damage, in addition to whatever other damage types it is.
Storied creature - a creature created gains resist fire 5 and adds 1 point of fire damage to all attacks it makes for each point of eloquence spent, and vulnerability to cold damage.
Storied object - an object created appears to be made of living fire. If it is a weapon with at least a +1 enhancement bonus, it gains the flaming weapon property. If it is a weapon with at least a +3 enhancement bonus it gains the flaming burst weapon property instead.

Chill word: this word calls to mind chills of all sorts, from the freezing vaccuum of space to the eerie shiver of a cold shoulder.
Embellishment - target gains resist cold 5 for each point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - all damage done by the phrase is considered to be cold damage, in addition to whatever other damage types it is.
Storied creature - a creature created gains resist cold 5 and adds 1 point of cold damage to all attacks it makes for each point of eloquence spent, and vulnerability to fire damage.
Storied object - an object created appears to be made of steaming ice. If it is a weapon with at least a +1 enhancement bonus, it gains the frost weapon property. If it is a weapon with at least a +3 enhancement bonus it gains the freezing burst weapon property instead.

Spark word: this word begets the very electric thrum that underlies all nature, from bolts of lightning, to the tiniest static spark..
Embellishment - target gains resist electric 5 for each point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - all damage done by the phrase is considered to be electric damage, in addition to whatever other damage types it is.
Storied creature - a creature created gains resist cold 5 and adds 1 point of cold damage to all attacks it makes for each point of eloquence spent, and vulnerability to fire damage.
Storied object - an object created appears to be made of crackling electricity. If it is a weapon with at least a +1 enhancement bonus, it gains the shock weapon property. If it is a weapon with at least a +3 enhancement bonus it gains the shocking burst weapon property instead.

Movement word: This word is movement itself, bringing to mind swift, sure movement and graceful sweeping motions.
Embellishment - target increases base move speed by 5 feet. By spending 7 points of eloquence, the creature gains a fly speed equal to their base speed.
Phrase - target must make a save or be moved horizontally 5 ft in a direction of the storyteller’s choosing. This movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity, and cannot be through solid objects, but may put the creature into a hazardous situation. If the creature would enter a square it cannot safely stand as part of this movement, they receive an additional save to stop moving in the last safe square they were in with a +4 circumstance bonus.
Storied Creature - a creature increases its base move speed by 10 feet. By spending 5 points of eloquence the creature gains a fly speed equal to twice their base speed.

Hold word: This word is still and unmoving, calling to mind stoic mountains and hardened metal.
Embellishment - the target gains a +1 circumstance bonus against any sort of forced movement, per point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - The target is entangled and their base move speed is reduced by 5 feet per point of eloquence spent unless they succeed their save against the phrase. If this reduces their movement to 0, they are frozen in place, as hold person. This effect lasts for 1 round per eloquence spent, at which point the phrase is erased, as normal.
Storied object - the object increases in hardness by 5 per point of eloquence spent. If the hardness reaches 30 or higher, the object is considered adamantine for purposes of overcoming damage reduction.

Death word: This word represents the dark, negative energy that draws all souls to evil and destruction.
Embellishment - the target takes a -2 penalty to Constitution. Each additional time this word is used in an embellishment, it requires one more point of eloquence than before. If this penalty would reduce the target’s Constitution score to 0 or less, the target must make a Fortitude save each round or die.
Phrase - any damage done by other words of this phrase is considered to be negative energy damage, in addition to whatever other damage types it is.
Storied creature - a creature appears to be undead or dying, and gains the negative energy affinity. By spending three points of eloquence, the creature also gains the undead type.

Weakness word: This word is the entropy that slowly degrades all things, and the destruction of all things.
Embellishment - the target takes no penalties from the fatigued condition. By spending an additional 5 points of eloquence, the target takes no penalties from the exhausted condition.
Phrase - the target nonmagical object weighing 5 lbs or less and with a hardness of 10 or less gains the broken condition and is reduced to half its maximum hit points. If the object is attended, the creature holding it may make a Fortitude save. For each additional point of eloquence, this phrase can affect an object 5 lbs heavier, and with a hardness 5 points higher.
Storied creature - the creature does 1 point of negative energy damage with each of its attacks. By spending 6 points of eloquence, the creature gains an energy drain special attack, that causes creatures struck by its attacks to gain a negative level unless they succeed a save versus a DC of 10 + the storied creature’s hit dice.

Pervasive word: This word is all things, places and times at once.
Embellishment - the target is surrounded by partial figments of themselves, and seems to occupy one additional contiguous square per point of eloquence spent. This does not allow the target to take actions from those squares, but he is considered to occupy those squares for purposes of flanking or teamwork feats.
Phrase - the phrase requires only a ranged touch attack, instead of a standard ranged attack. For each additional point of eloquence, the phrase gains a +2 enhancement bonus to hit.
Storied creature- the creature exists on multiple planes at once, and its attacks can strike incorporeal creates as though it were incorporeal. By spending 9 points of essence, the creature can choose to become incorporeal at will. While incorporeal, it can attack material creatures as though it were material.
Storied object - the object seems to vibrate slightly, as though it isn’t quite fixed in position. If the object has at least a +1 enhancement bonus, it gains the ghost-touch weapon or armor property.

Portal word: This word is a paradox, always in many places at once, and seeming to seep into the very fabric of the layers of reality.
Embellishment - by spending 5 points of eloquence, whenever the target moves more than 5 feet, they become incorporeal during the duration of their movement.
Phrase - by spending 9 points of eloquence, a willing target is instantly teleported up to 100 feet. By spending an additional 4 points of eloquence, they instead move up to 100 miles. By spending an additional point of eloquence, the storyteller can either double the distance the target can travel, or increase the number of targets by one, so long as additional targets are touching the original target.
Storied creature - by spending 3 points of eloquence, a creature is treated as an outsider. By spending an additional point of eloquence, they also gain the good, evil, chaotic, lawful or native subtypes.
Storied object - An object attunes itself to a target, who can call it go their hand as a move action from anywhere within 100 feet.

Secret word: This word is invisible to the naked eye, and refers to everything hidden from sight or thought.
Embellishment - the target gains a +3 circumstance bonus to Stealth for each point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - by spending 3 points of eloquence, the target becomes invisible to one creature of the storyteller’s choosing also within 30 feet of the storyteller for 1 round. For each point of eloquence spent, the storyteller can choose one additional creature for the target to become invisible to, or increase the duration by one round. At the end of the duration, the phrase is erased.
Storied creature - The creature is quickly forgotten. Anyone observing the creature must make a Will save (DC equal to the storyteller’s phrase DC) or be unable to remember any specific details of the encounter. By spending 7 eloquence or more, if the target fails their will save they forget everything that happened during the time they encountered the creature, instead.
Storied object - the object is translucent, like a shadow, and invisible in dim light. By spending 3 additional points of eloquence, the object is entirely invisible. Invisible weapons grant a +2 circumstance bonus against opponents unable to see them.

Revelation word: This word reveals all secrets, piercing through the darkness of shadow, illusion and deception alike.
Embellishment - the target gains a +3 circumstance bonus to Perception checks per point of eloquence spent. By spending 5 points of eloquence, the target can instead gain the ability to see invisibility, as the spell.
Phrase - the storyteller strips all illusions from the target, making a dispel check (1d20 + number of points of eloquence points spent) against a DC of 11 + caster level of each illusion affecting the target. Spells that are not illusions remain unaffected.
Storied creature - the creature gains low-light vision. For each additional point of eloquence spent the creature gains either the scent special quality, or darkvision with a range of 30 feet. For three points of eloquence, the creature can gain blindsense 10 feet or tremorsense 30 feet.

Big word: This massive word refers to giants, towers, mountains - and even entire worlds.
Embellishment - for each four points of eloquence spent, the target increases in size by one size category. In doing so, they gain a +4 size bonus to Strength, and a -2 size penalty to Dexterity.
Phrase - for each two points of eloquence spent, this phrase affects one additional target within 10 feet of at least one of the previous targets. For each additional target added, all targets gain a +1 circumstance bonus on all saves against the phrase.
Storied creature - for each four points of eloquence spent, the target increases in size by one size category. In doing so, they gain a +4 size bonus to Strength, and a -2 size penalty to Dexterity. Alternately, for four points of eloquence, the creature’s reach increases by 5 feet.
Storied object - for each point of eloquence spent, increase the maximum size of the object by 5 feet in each dimension, and multiply the maximum weight by eight.

Little word
Embellishment - for each four points of eloquence spent, the target decreases in size by one size category. In doing so, they gain a -4 size penalty to Strength, and a +2 size bonus to Dexterity.
Phrase - the target feels as though they have shrunk, taking a -1 morale penalty per point of eloquence spent on all attacks against creatures the same size as them or larger for one minute.
Storied creature - for each four points of eloquence spent, the target decreases in size by one size category. In doing so, they gain a -4 size penalty to Strength, and a +2 size bonus to Dexterity.
Storied object - the storyteller gains a +3 circumstance bonus on their Craft check to create this object per point of eloquence spent, but can never increase the weight above 5 lbs, or the size above 3 feet in its longest dimension.

Mundane Word Surprisingly plain, this word seems almost like a mundane word in a common language, its true power hidden from all but the most discerning eye.
Embellishment - target gains spell resistance 4 plus 1 for each point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - by spending 5 points of eloquence, a storyteller can target a creature with dispel magic, with a caster level equal to the number of points of eloquence spent.
Storied creature or storied object - the creature or object cannot be identified as supernatural in appearance unless the observer succeeds a Perception check against a DC of 15 + your Wisdom modifier plus the number of points of eloquence spent on this word.

Restricting Word This word is small, tight and constrained and tightly woven like tangled vines, or binding chains.
Embellishment - the target gains a +1 circumstance bonus to grapple for each point of eloquence spent.
Phrase - the target is wrapped in spectral chains, ropes or vines that grapple them with a CMB equal to your Wisdom modifier plus the number of points of eloquence you spend on this check. Even if the target avoids being grappled, they are entangled for the duration of the effect. This phrase lasts for one minute, and is then erased..
Storied creature - for 3 points of eloquence, the creature gains a web special attack, with a DC equal to 10 plus half the creature’s HD plus your Wisdom modifier. For 5 points of eloquence, the creature gains the grab special attack, as well as a +1 circumstance bonus to grapple for each additional point of eloquence spent.
Storied object - an object created is tacky to the touch, and grants creatures holding it a +2 circumstance bonus to CMD against being disarmed per point of eloquence spent. For two points of eloquence the object becomes sticky enough that it is difficult to put down willingly, requiring a CMB check with a DC of 10 plus your Wisdom modifier plus the number of additional eloquence spent on this ability to drop.

Figment word This word calls to mind all that isn’t real; every lie and illusion.
Embellishment - for two points of eloquence, the target becomes blurry and indistinct around the edges, imposing a 10% miss chance against the creature. For each two points of eloquence spent, the mis chance increases by 10% further, up to 50%. Once the target’s miss chance reaches 50%, they become invisible. If they attack, they become visible and the embellishment ends.
Phrase - the phrase is mostly illusory, and does nonlethal damage instead of any other type of damage it would have done.
Storied creature or storied object - objects or creatures are silent illusions, instead of tangible objects or creatures. For each two points of eloquence spent, you can fool one additional sense (hearing, smell or basic touch) with your illusion. Additionally, for one point of eloquence you can interact with the illusory object as though it were tangible, but it remains tangible only to you.

Puppet word
Embellishment - on your turn, you may move a willing target up to their base movement as a standard action. This movement provokes attacks of opportunity, but the target gains a dodge bonus to AC against attacks of opportunity during this movement equal to the number of points of eloquence spent.
Phrase - if the target is the same type as you, they are charmed as charm person for a number of minutes equal to the points of eloquence spent. For 5 points of eloquence, the target does not need to be the same type as you. For 9 points of eloquence, the target is instead dominated, as dominate person for one minute plus one per additional point of eloquence spent.
Storied creature - the creature appears to be made of stone, wood or other inanimate material, and gains immunity to all mind-affecting effects. For 5 of eloquence, a creature becomes the construct type.
Storied object - as a move action, you can telekinetically move the object up to 5 feet per round per point of eloquence spent. Creatures can oppose the movement of the object by making a Strength check against 5 plus your Wisdom modifier plus the number of eloquence spent.

Sight word: This word plays on both light and darkness, shadows and how they reveal and hide.
Embellishment - The target gains darkvision 30 feet. For each additional point of eloquence spent, the target’s existing darkvision increases by 10 feet.
Phrase - the phrase blasts with bright light, the target must succeed a save or become dazzled for one round equal to the number of eloquence spent. For 3 points of eloquence, the target instead becomes blinded for a number of minutes equal to the number of points of eloquence spent if they fail their save.
Storied Object - the object sheds light as a torch. For each additional point of eloquence spent, the radius of light cast increases by 10 feet.

Aqua word: This word calls to mind raging oceans, calm seas, and even the moist air after a rainfall.
Embellishment - the target gains a +3 circumstance bonus to Swim checks per point of eloquence spent. For 5 points of eloquence, the target gains the amphibious subtype (allowing them to breathe both air and water).
Phrase - the target must make a save or temporarily lose the ability to breathe air or water (whichever they are currently breathing), instead gaining the ability to breathe only the other, for a number of rounds equal to half the number of points of eloquence spent. The target may make an additional save as a swift action on their turns in order to end the effect. The target must hold their breath until they can change mediums. This does not prevent a creature from speaking, but each round they speak for any reason they reduce the number of rounds they can hold their breath by 2.
Storied Creature - The creature gains (or loses) the aquatic subtype. By spending 3 points of eloquence, the creature gains the amphibious subtype.
Storied Object - The object is made of solid water, and takes no penalties underwater, even if it otherwise would.

Multiplicity word: This word is repetitive, almost to infinity, and refers to everything which there is multiple of.
Embellishment - for each point of eloquence spent, a duplicate of the target appears, sharing its space, as mirror image. If all images are destroyed, the embellishment is erased.
Phrase - For each five points of eloquence spent, your phrase strikes the target one additional time. Each additional attack uses all the same modifiers as the first.
Storied Creature - For each three points of eloquence spent, the creature gains an additional attack of the same type it was previously able to make. A creature with two or more attacks takes a -2 penalty to all attacks.
Storied Object - For each three points of eloquence spent, you create an additional object, identical in all ways to the original.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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I'll also point out that Neil's concern about 2d6 not being a threat to PCs is unfounded. coup de graces are automatic critical hit, and the guillotine has a x3 critical multiplier, so you're taking an average of 21 damage and making an instant death save against an average DC of 31. A Level 6 fighter with 18 Con (total bonus +9) would still need a natural 20 to pass that.

Sure, it needs plausibly four rounds (summon, grapple, pin, kill) to activate it so it probably will never happen, but... if the rest of the party is distracted? it can kill anything.

So really the problem is totally off in the other direction. If it hits a PC, they're dead. Hell, it could routinely kill a 20th level fighter with this ability. I mean, they probably can't grapple them, but still. It's a weird balance.

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portable protective pedistal
I didn't see this item, but I like it in concept. Unfortunately, I also think it feels quite a lot like floating disk in a can. But then, floating disk doesn't protect you from nearby hazards.

Anyways, what it boils down to for me is that this is a "trinket" - a non-essential item that doesn't grant bonuses. Which probably means I wouldn't spend more than 1/4 my total WBL even considering it. Which means I'd be level 9 before I even thought about it. And at level 9, 3 hours/day of floating disk is not nearly enough when a single casting of the spell would last me 9 hours. Most of the rest of these effects could be replicated by other level 1 spells as well, like air bubble.

in conclusion - price and power don't really match up well. And, the effect is neat, but too close to the effect of a level 1 spell to be really 'wow'.

Nettlefin Sash
On first glance, it looks like you had trouble writing this item because no two sentences are in the same paragraph. The first seven paragraphs, for instance, could probably have been merged into one or two paragraphs.

I mean, it's a cool idea: armor spikes that you don't need to have affixed to armor. And can be poisonous. The price point seems off, though. for 18,000 gp, I'd expect this to have about a +2 enhancement bonus, not a +1.

I think practicing writing sentences that flow together into a paragraph would help you a lot.

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Trekkie90909 wrote:


Formatting:

‘…is as unwieldy and heavy as though…’ Metal, and lead (which is also metal) are both inherently solid materials so saying the item goes through ‘most’ solid materials would be more appropriate. Magical and living material are often, but not always solid. Other minor spelling and grammar mistakes.

Does this add something to the game?
Potentially a way around many tricky puzzles or encounters, depending on dungeon layout.

Would I want this in my games?
As a Player?

I like having random useful things, so this appeals to my inner packrat jack-of-all-trades.

As a GM?

Ugh. Well it could be worse, but I spent a lot of time developing the evil trap of PC doom… Which is ‘entirely’ fair despite the name guys, I promise. Kek kek kek.

Point at which I would stop up-voting this (based on this year’s experiences): Around the second or third cull.

Thanks for the feedback! The bit about magical or living materials turned out to be a major overthink on my part - I should absolutely have just left it with earth and stone.

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I'd like to stop in and point out that "It's been done before" is no reason not to vote for something. Otherwise, every abandoned temple, riverside cottage, huaunted castle, mad laboratory... well, you get the idea.

This idea has, apparently, been done before once. That's a pretty good track record as far as 'done befores', because most things you simple can't keep a list because they've been done before so many times.

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Bj, as mentioned elsewhere; as tempting as it is to reply to everything, the best practice is to avoid posting in your thread at all until voting is done. You can do it! ;)

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Donald, that's so pretty!

Unfortunately, though, once I got over the dazzling floor design, I realized that this was, basically, a gigantic, empty room. I mean, I guess there's a ledge at one end, and two pillars, and some stairs... but that's it. The middle 90% of your map is empty space. Not so much as a bench for people to sit on, or use as cover, or.... or anything.

If this were re-done in black and white, it would quickly become visible that this is just a big, boring, empty space.

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Kiel, I love the setting you've presented, but I'm not really impressed with the map. The vast, vast majority of it is occupied by empty space, showing the sea hundreds of feet below. That's fun dressing, but as it stands, less than 1/4 of your map is walkable space. Or maybe more if the PCs can walk on the clouds, somehow.

I really find myself wanting more... Map. Out of this map. Even if it were the scene for an aerial battle, everything that might become interesting is off to one side.

And what little map we do get is too full to make for any realy interesting fights. I mean, how did the cloud giants get around in there? They can barely fit.

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Taylor, this map is beautiful. It really likens me back to older dnd modules, with the solid black and white lines. I think that really helps make it clear, too, which makes a big difference.

The surrounding areas are interesting and varied, and I really appreciate that not everything is square. I also appreciate how the buildings feel realistic, yet still fantastic. It really hits my sweet spot of suspending disbelief.

I really look forward to seeing what you do in future rounds.

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Kiel Howell wrote:
AHHHH IT'S RONARS WHO WROTE THIS!!!

Hey Kiel, I'm glad I'm memorable. ;) I'm also really glad you liked my item.

Quote:
The comma use (not sure if it's abuse yet) in the first sentence was a little jarring. Probably would have rewritten this to be a little less interjection-y.

Urgh, you discovered my weakness, commas! Seriously though, I need to try typing a week without using the comma key. My work absolutely suffers because I over-comma everything.

I really appreciate the feedback! I really need to stretch out the people I'm asking for advice from. One or two people can give me some good feedback, but we miss big things like how silly that line is about living material being a problem.

Props on the quick reply, too. :)

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Here's my entry this year. Made it all the way through the final cull, but didn't break the top 100. Which is okay, as I only entered through a grey area in the rules, anyways - my third paizo credit just came out this week. I qualified when I entered, but not the day after the top 32 were released.

Any feedback would be welcome.

Portable Excavation
Aura faint conjuration; CL 7th
Slot —; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
DESCRIPTION
Though only six inches long, this iron hammer is as unwieldy, and as heavy, as though it were ten times its size. As a full-round action, the portable excavation can be used to strike a solid surface, creating a temporary passage up to three feet in diameter and up to five feet deep through solid material, such as dirt, stone or wood. Passage through other materials is possible, though one foot of metal, a thin sheet of lead, or any living or magical material blocks the passage. The surface through with the passage is made isn't destroyed or even damaged: it is merely displaced into an extradimensional space, and reappears after 24 hours leaving the original surface unharmed. Creatures inside the space when the effect ends are harmlessly shunted to a space on either side of the passage at their choosing. Once the portable excavation has been used to create a passage, it becomes a nonmagical iron hammer.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create pit , stone shape ; Cost 1,500 gp

pricing:
I have no idea how the pricing is, when related to the component spells - I based the price on the effect: it's similar to a scroll of dimension door.

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This is a clever item, I really like how it allows you to re position all of your allies. Good work, and congratulations on the top 32!

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There's always the possibility that the final date was an error?

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I haven't voted enough to say for certain, but I agree wholeheartedly - just about every item still in the running is absolutely top 32 worthy.

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Eric Morton wrote:
Okay, item, half-way through your description, I was convinced you were biting off more you could chew. But then you busted out that monster in the second half of your description to make it all work. Very clever.

I am convinced I just saw this item, and I have to agree - easily one of my favorites for this year.

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JamesCooke wrote:
Y'know for an item I'm 99% sure is a joke, I think I've voted for you every time you've come up for me. You're just so... really well written. I'm sorry to the community if that's a no-no, but honestly props to the writer.

There's nothing wrong with joke items at all - they're just not for every group, and thus prove less popular than non-joke items. If you found an awesome item that's silly or even gonzo, by all means vote for it!

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It's not just encrusted with gems, it's perfectly encrusted.

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Wait, is that magic weapon literally just 200 words of backstory? It's really just the basic weapon described in the first sentence?

EDIT: Ender, I hope you and I are describing the same item. ;)

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A suggestion to everyone in this thread - keep a list of these items, and then when the feedback thread is posted and we know which item belongs to which person, tell the designer how much you enjoyed their work! A good review always makes everyone's day. ;)


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Hi David,
That was, once, my map - and I didn't even realize the legend never made it into the final version, wow!

The funny doors on room 14 are stable doors - like wide, wooden gates.

The 'X' and 'XX' doors are locked single and double doors, respectively.

Also, I don't see it on the map, but it's worth noting that the 'squares' are actually a whopping 15-ft.! This isn't some tiny fort with cramped hallways.


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lumiapina, you should be sorry. How dare you be so successful that it starts breaking the forum!

Still, while you may the "worst" (best?) offender, you are hardly the only one. ;)

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Anthony, I have the same feeling as you regarding too much Nar-Voth, but I have a slightly more specific complaint: too much Court of Ether. I don't have Into the Darklands myself, but is it the only named place in Nar-Voth? It's literally part of a tunnel system that travels beneath nearly all of Golarion!

EDIT: found a map online, and it's not! I see eleven other locations on the map alone whose names I didn't see four or five times each round.

Maybe it gets the most detail, or it was just unlucky enough that so many people picked it. Whatever the cause, I know I was much more enamoured with, in both rounds, the people who didn't tie into the Court of Ether over and over again.

People could have made creatures with hellish influences in Krva, or described something from beneath Osiron around Bloodcleft. But instead it ended up being the same thing over and over again.

It really did fatigue me for the setting.

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I just want to say, as a usability geek, this is one of my favorite threads of this years competition. I really appreciate all the contributions within.

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Teal: the vast majority of existing maps on Golarion are for locations discussed in the APs or other adventures. After all, that's where they need to be to get used.
So, for example, three (four) APs are in Varsia, so a lot of Varsia's most interesting locations are mapped (though FAR from all). One is in the Stolen Lands, so parts of that are mapped, though far less. One is in Osirion, One in Numenaria, and so on.

I recommend taking a look at a Golarion world map, and seeing if any country or area catches your eye, then see if anything's been done for it. Even though they're coming up on 100 AP modules, that's what - maybe 500 maps? 500 maps *might* cover every area of importance of my town and a few miles in all directions.

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Those three wise monkeys are a fun item(s?), I really like them. Hopefully your submission this year is just as good. :)


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Sweet contest! Now all I gotta do is come up with some new race to pitch you. ;)


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sweet! I love Mercedes Lackey's work, thats realy cool news! :)


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This book is already shaping up awesomely, I'm looking forward to having my printed copy - because it is going to hit print, let me tell you.

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@ thrashling and the manservant mannequin - Thinking on it more, I think you could have fixed the 'kidnapping' loophole by making someone attune to the mannequin, instead of just strapping clothing to it, and then only the attuned creature can activate it. Using a term like attuning is so much better than using non-game terms like 'owner' or 'person who says the command word'.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#17
Taxonomist's Codex
Bit of an odd price. Don't forget that a pretty, slightly off price is better than a really exact one that just looks odd. That said, it's a neat item. The skill bonus isn't really wow, but I like that it grants a bonus against the creature to all allies. Problem, however, is you're vague about how activating the item works - you don't say until the end that people must be able to hear the reader for the effect. Also: you needlessly complicate things by saying the bonus only works against abilities that you already know about, making the really key power of this item really hard to understand.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#18
Cloak of the Shadow Twin
You use 'seems to' in the description. Don't, because it implies it does something different than that, which it doesn't. I like the effect you're going for, but your rules text is pretty awful. You're creating an effect that acts like this, except for that, and like the character, but it doesn't have x and does have y. Which makes things really complicated. Basically, this item requires too much bookkeeping.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#19
Tabard of Sanguine Symbiosis
I remember this one from voting! Neat visual, but there's way too many drawbacks for this to be really good, and the bookkeeping is a bit off, too. It's worthless until you've taken bleed damage for at least one round and you're still bleeding. Not nearly enough things do bleed damage to make this worthwhile, especially because the moment you stop bleeding the effect completely ends. And also, if you've been bleeding for one round you have DR 1/slashing, and three times a day can do 2 damage. (or up to DR 5 and do 10 damage) That's not worth even 1000gp, let alone 9.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#21
Sanguine Gem
You say "favored by", which shows you haven't read most of the advice available to you, which doesn't look professional on you at all. Negative levels for metamagic is interesting, but once you're high enough level you could cast a CL 39... Intensified, Empowered, Maximized whatever (finger of death is a good candidate - do 390 damage on a failed save), for the mere cost of 3,500gp and making a will save - which would be pretty darn high for you at those levels. Recharge mechanic could also be left out - as it will virtually never be triggered by a PC.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#22
Sibilant Sistrum
Really bad naming: you use an uncommon word and then proceed to inadequately describe what it is to the reader. I have no idea what physical thing this is. Requiring a DC 5 check to activate is silly - even someone untrained and with Cha 1 can make that check 55% of the time. Someone with 29kgp would never fail it. The rest of the effects are a little complex, too, and fall very close to the 'magic item works better for some characters than others' trap, which is also bad.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#25
Bracer of Forceful Restraint
Immediately brings to mind a prisoner-retention item, which isn't very exciting. The effect is a lot better than I was worried about, but I really don't like the take-damage-to-dimensionally-anchor-a-target bit. If that simply used extra charges instead, I could see this being in the top 32.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#26
Glove of Face Filching
Props on the name, that sounds like it will be awesome. As I've seen others say, it does feel off that it only steals the mouth, after the name says 'face'. While I like the penalties it gives, the benefits to the wearer seem really minimal, but lke other things, I've seen them already touched upon in this thread.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#31
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
'Favored by'? Maurice, you know better. And, actually, your mechanical text is really clunky this year, too. You also refer to the sheathe's weilder several times as 'the bravo', which though implied by the item name, isn't a game term.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#32
Grips of the Drowning Dark
'Appear to be', mentioned above, don't use unless you immediately correct to what it actually is (and the new thing is way awesomer). I like the first power of the item, though the second seems a bit overpowered for the price. The last part of the effect seems a little too much of a downside to make me want to use it, however.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#33
Coat of the eternal vagabond
Don't all-caps your item name - that's a font thing, not a style thing. But anyways, the item isn't really exciting. Teleport randomly seems fun once, but I don't think it's really superstar. Just a fancy 'I escape!' option. And nobody really likes using an item they can't really control.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#37
Shears of the Hairless Hag
Fun name! Let's see... it's a little complicated. Can the target of this effect remove the magically grown hair? Taking Cha damage but using Int as a stat doesn't balance out well, and falls into the 'better effect for some than others' trap.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#42
Dust of Fantastical Terrain
It does what it says on the box, that's for sure. Unfortunately, nothing else. 'makes inanimate tiny things bigger'. You need more wow, and an effect that actually uses game mechanics more than maybe sickening a few types of creatures.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#46
Baldric of Revealing Mists
Non-intuitive to have a mist effect that isn't affected by winds. Weird that two of three effects are affected by radius, but a the other is line of effect. Does activating the third effect negate the second? Honestly, there's a lot of weird mechanics here.

...okay, that's page 1 done. I'll see what I can do about page 2 once I get a little more of my normal work done. ;)

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As many of you can probably tell, I simply did not have time this last, very busy year to hold up my promise of reviewing all items in the blazing 9 thread. My apologies. The least I can do is come in here and offer some reviews of these right? Even if they're shorter than I might otherwise want. Here goes:

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#2
Manservant Mannequin
The idea of swapping places with a body double isn't bad, but the second power seems unnecessary. Also, as-written, by tricking someone into saying the mannequin's command word, you can teleport them away 250 ft (possibly into a deadly situation) with no save, and get all their stuff. That's a huge problem.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#3
Spell-Mirror Shawl
I understand the utility of this item, but it's not very exciting because there are already effects that work under this basic premise (you use them in your requirements). The bigger problem is how variable the power of the item is. A 1st level character gets only a small fraction the effect a 20th level, 10th tier character does. That's not the way Pathfinder items are designed.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#4
Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
Hey, I saw this item in voting! And, actually, I voted it down, sorry. Protecting characters from charms and such isn't a bad idea, but I really hated the bit where this is basically a magical "no, really, I am telling the truth" button. Feels like a campaign item.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#5
Provocateur's Pamphlet
This item is a lot of fun, I see why it has so many favorites. Other than moving up the section about how long the pamphlet takes to scribe, I like it a lot.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#6
Boots of Spellwalking
bit of a typo in your lead in sentance - I think you mean 'in silver thread'. The first ability is useful and kinda neat but a little powerful. The second ability is really confusing, and I simply don't get it. Might be a sign you took it a step too complicated.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#7
Abiding Light
The language in the first bit is a little muddled, and you would have been better of simply saying the candle cannot be extinguished rather than bringing wish[/]i into it. The second power is pretty nice, but you really need to have it make a check, otherwise it could become unbalanced.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#8
Battleforge Gauntlets
These are pretty darn cool gauntlets. Two things: one, it needs a daily charge rather than potentially infinite uses, and two, your comment about drawing a weapon from an explosion implies that you can freely create a weapon that casts single-target-fireball on every hit, forever. Remove or reword, because that severely unbalances it.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#9
Astral Thief's Opera Gloves
I remember seeing this item. Awesome.
You start with who created them. Good for unique items in a campaign setting, not for setting-less places like RPG superstar. That alone probably kept you out of the top 32. Also, it really feels like this is two items (especially because of your formatting). The first, the glove of thin air, is pretty good and I like. The second, I don't like that much, as it makes things too complex. Oh, and you misspell 'conmtact other plane' as 'contact other plant'. Hillarious, but the sort of thing that makes your work look sloppy.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#10
Spellmason's Mallet
The first power is okay, but not very exciting. The second power is also okay, but not very exciting. The third power is really powerful and theoretically allows you to cast wall spells as cages. Wall of stone? Target is immediately trapped forever, no save. Listing that the mallet could be used as a specific magic weapon makes it a magic weapon that happens to cast spells. Also, it doesn't use the belt slot - you carry it in your hand.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#11
Stanhope of Bloody Roots
I don't see how this is bloody. You put hair in it to cast spells on a target at more of a distance.The rest of the powers seem super situational and not exciting, and way way overpriced.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#13
Spellsnaring Gauntlets
'mêlée', really with the accents? Otherwise, this is pretty nice and I like it. Needs a duration for how long a caught effect lasts and if you can store more than one at once.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#14
Bullet-Catching Duster
This item is a mismash of really wearer-specific bonuses that most PCs would never care about. You need to go WAY more general than 'negates some specific weapon bonuses, and gives one archetype of one class a small bonus' You make up for it a little at the end, but not nearly enough.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#15
Lake Maker Spigot
your problem isn't that it's a spell in a can, it's that it is virtually identical to the already existing [i]decanter of endless water
, just way harder to use.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#16
Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
Kinda neat, but items that are based on the stats of their wearers are inherently unbalanced because they have stronger effects for one character than for another.

... wow, and here I thought I could make a dent in 300-some items.

Hopefully, I'll be able to do some more later: Donald Robinson, you're next. ;)

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Sadly, I've seen too many figurines of wondrous power already, and I've only seen a dozen or so items so far. *sigh*

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I'd like to note that you should be proud - I think your ooze was the most top-8 inspiring monster of the bunch.

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A lot of mixed emotions about this encounter, wow. I agree, you didn't do a terribly good job of representing the location that this encounter is tied to - but you did do a pretty good job of designing the encounter itself. That counts for a lot. And, as the fifth encounter I've read you're also the first to actually make the trap (is it really a trap it the only activation is manual?) and the monster actually tie together. I was really hoping for more of that.

And, hionestly, I like how you took a non-evil sort of creature and made it a good antagonist, though the comments above about PCs practically being forced to defeat them do apply - A monster attacks you, so you kill it. That's how the game works 99% of the time.

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Maurice, I can see a lot of love/hate for this monster in the thread, and I agree. With all of it.

I love the idea of a creepy headless creature with giant leeches for arms. I hate how it's description can't decide if it wants to eat souls or blood.

I love how it feels unique, and does stuff I haven;t seen before. I hate how as a CR3 monster, it could potentially do both Con damage and Cha drain.

Actually, I really hate that. As has been mentioned, it takes the party out of comission for a few days. But actually, because it does DRAIN, it cannot be restored until the party has 4th level spells - which means 7th level characters. Or, I suppose you could pay for it, along with the expensive material components!

And that's the killer. Ability Drain cannot be healed (easily) before 7th level, so it shouldn't be dealt with regularity (such as potentially every round) until that level. That is a major flaw in the design work.

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Hi Charlie,

unfortunately, as others have mentioned, I don't think you quite made a superstar entry this round. There are a few reasons that I can see why:

I can't get a clear idea of what it looks like. You say 'monkey-faced' and 'whip-like arms', and it's a Small monstrous humanoid, but... that's it. You did an awful job describing what the creature physically is, which makes it hard to envision the monster at all.

You also tried to add monkey-creatures to places where they really stand out. Which is a pity, because these would have fit in great in the Mwangi Expanse, or especially Arcadia (which is the Golarion analogue to where your myth originates). So, it felt disjointed.

Lastly, your big superstar ability was stick-throwing. Not exactly an exciting option. Sure, I'm positive there are GMs who can find places and ways to make it interesting, but unlike a truly superstar encounter, it doesn't start there.

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Michael, I think you hit a hard target here: an interesting ooze. It may have some small flaws, but you did pretty well with your idea and execution, so that's impressive.

I like Numerian monsters, and while 'cocktails' aren't somethign that fits a lot of adventures, seeing as these only exist in the same country you're likely to encounter robots and ray guns... I'll say it's pretty much spot on for where you chose it. Anywhere else in Golarion, not so much - a near hit.

Requiring the an underused mechanic for a monster like this is... risky. And that part I don't like as much. Especially because it's also not the straight up addicition rules, it's slightly different.

I like the abilities you have - glob, stench, fluid drain... but given your initial description, I would have also loved if it had some sort of hide bonus while in water. I mean, it makes total sense for a translucent ooze that lives in a river.

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Personally, I was very surprised to see the lack of bards (where my archetype was located), especially after in War of the River Kings adventure, nearly every main enemy was a bard - Irovetti, I'm looking at you.

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I love, love this archetype. Maybe it's because I'm playing an underwater adventure right now, maybe it just feels well balanced (though losing both swift and instant alchemy is sad), but I like the flavor, I like the salt bombs, I like the evolution up to gaining swim speed replacing poison resistance too - that's really clever.

Best of luck in this and future rounds!

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Ack, I've been Neil'd!

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Sorry, but I didn't like this archetype. Mechanical issues themselves aside, the biggest and first thing that turned me off was how the flavor and the mechanics seemed to work cross-purposes:
flavor... "[river stewards are] guardians of their local regions, protecting both its land [...]"
mechanics... "all attack and damage rolls against natural threats of this region. Natural threats include creatures of the animal, fey, humanoid, magical beast, monstrous humanoid, plant, and vermin types."

Personally, those are the only things I would consider natural to the river kingdoms. So a guardian against internal threats, maybe, but a guardian of the land? Not with bonuses versus animals, plants and fey. I know they can be the occasional threat, but it feels... wrong.

There are other concerns, too, like the total loss of most class abilities when more than a few miles from home, but they've been pretty well covered already.

Good luck in this round, and the next if you make it!

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Nonsense, spending 2,281gp 7sp and 1.4 copper per charge is perfectly fine! ;)

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Man, this thread has exploded so much more than previous years. Or at least, I haven't managed to keep up with it.

You're all doing great work reviewing in here. It may seem daunting, but everyone should try to read every review - there's a ton of good information here!

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Nice to see someone liked my motive capacitor enough to put on their list (thanks James!). :D

I can't wait to see the actual critique my item thread, I think there might be a lot of feedback this year. :)

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I'd probably wear a crown of oak and irony, just for the heck of it.

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I'd like to second the request that if we don't get to see your archetypes as people who make it through, I'd still like to see them anyways. :)

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Joseph, you raise a really good point. They sound really cool, but a lot of that is very meta. The idea of saving 2hp of healing from a spell in your gloves is very number-crunchy.

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While something like "water lily" versus "waterlily" is a pretty mild and probably stylistic choice, it does serve as a reminder for everyone - check your work! If possible, get both a native US speaker and a non-native speaker to check it. Sometimes you'll introduce strange spelling without even knowing it.

Personally, I'm always impressed by non-US contributors getting everything correct with US spelling. English is a ridiculous language.

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Clay, congratulations!

Unfortunately, I really don't like your item, and there's a number of reasons. Slight formatting errors, and burying the lead, and also that this item is almost a combination of every girdle mentioned in the "How to be a superstar - design a girdle" thread from a few years ago. Perhaps it's parallel development, but I've seen like, ten girdles that do almost everything here, so it feels very uncreative.

And also, I really don't like the "grappled about the body" description, because that's not a game rule. In fact, I would never assume a PC is just grappled about the body. After all, being grappled means you don't have both arms free (you can never use two-handed weapons), so by being too specific you basically negate your item's real star ability.

Without that, this is a cloak that gives you compression and a few snake traits, all of which have been done before.

I look forward to seeing more creativity from you next round.

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