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RonarsCorruption's page

RPG Superstar 6 Season Star Voter, 9 Season Star Voter. Pathfinder Society Member. 881 posts (885 including aliases). 5 reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 1 Pathfinder Society character. 2 aliases.


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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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I'll also point out that Neil's concern about 2d6 not being a threat to PCs is unfounded. coup de graces are automatic critical hit, and the guillotine has a x3 critical multiplier, so you're taking an average of 21 damage and making an instant death save against an average DC of 31. A Level 6 fighter with 18 Con (total bonus +9) would still need a natural 20 to pass that.

Sure, it needs plausibly four rounds (summon, grapple, pin, kill) to activate it so it probably will never happen, but... if the rest of the party is distracted? it can kill anything.

So really the problem is totally off in the other direction. If it hits a PC, they're dead. Hell, it could routinely kill a 20th level fighter with this ability. I mean, they probably can't grapple them, but still. It's a weird balance.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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portable protective pedistal
I didn't see this item, but I like it in concept. Unfortunately, I also think it feels quite a lot like floating disk in a can. But then, floating disk doesn't protect you from nearby hazards.

Anyways, what it boils down to for me is that this is a "trinket" - a non-essential item that doesn't grant bonuses. Which probably means I wouldn't spend more than 1/4 my total WBL even considering it. Which means I'd be level 9 before I even thought about it. And at level 9, 3 hours/day of floating disk is not nearly enough when a single casting of the spell would last me 9 hours. Most of the rest of these effects could be replicated by other level 1 spells as well, like air bubble.

in conclusion - price and power don't really match up well. And, the effect is neat, but too close to the effect of a level 1 spell to be really 'wow'.

Nettlefin Sash
On first glance, it looks like you had trouble writing this item because no two sentences are in the same paragraph. The first seven paragraphs, for instance, could probably have been merged into one or two paragraphs.

I mean, it's a cool idea: armor spikes that you don't need to have affixed to armor. And can be poisonous. The price point seems off, though. for 18,000 gp, I'd expect this to have about a +2 enhancement bonus, not a +1.

I think practicing writing sentences that flow together into a paragraph would help you a lot.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Trekkie90909 wrote:


Formatting:

‘…is as unwieldy and heavy as though…’ Metal, and lead (which is also metal) are both inherently solid materials so saying the item goes through ‘most’ solid materials would be more appropriate. Magical and living material are often, but not always solid. Other minor spelling and grammar mistakes.

Does this add something to the game?
Potentially a way around many tricky puzzles or encounters, depending on dungeon layout.

Would I want this in my games?
As a Player?

I like having random useful things, so this appeals to my inner packrat jack-of-all-trades.

As a GM?

Ugh. Well it could be worse, but I spent a lot of time developing the evil trap of PC doom… Which is ‘entirely’ fair despite the name guys, I promise. Kek kek kek.

Point at which I would stop up-voting this (based on this year’s experiences): Around the second or third cull.

Thanks for the feedback! The bit about magical or living materials turned out to be a major overthink on my part - I should absolutely have just left it with earth and stone.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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I'd like to stop in and point out that "It's been done before" is no reason not to vote for something. Otherwise, every abandoned temple, riverside cottage, huaunted castle, mad laboratory... well, you get the idea.

This idea has, apparently, been done before once. That's a pretty good track record as far as 'done befores', because most things you simple can't keep a list because they've been done before so many times.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Bj, as mentioned elsewhere; as tempting as it is to reply to everything, the best practice is to avoid posting in your thread at all until voting is done. You can do it! ;)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Donald, that's so pretty!

Unfortunately, though, once I got over the dazzling floor design, I realized that this was, basically, a gigantic, empty room. I mean, I guess there's a ledge at one end, and two pillars, and some stairs... but that's it. The middle 90% of your map is empty space. Not so much as a bench for people to sit on, or use as cover, or.... or anything.

If this were re-done in black and white, it would quickly become visible that this is just a big, boring, empty space.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Kiel, I love the setting you've presented, but I'm not really impressed with the map. The vast, vast majority of it is occupied by empty space, showing the sea hundreds of feet below. That's fun dressing, but as it stands, less than 1/4 of your map is walkable space. Or maybe more if the PCs can walk on the clouds, somehow.

I really find myself wanting more... Map. Out of this map. Even if it were the scene for an aerial battle, everything that might become interesting is off to one side.

And what little map we do get is too full to make for any realy interesting fights. I mean, how did the cloud giants get around in there? They can barely fit.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Taylor, this map is beautiful. It really likens me back to older dnd modules, with the solid black and white lines. I think that really helps make it clear, too, which makes a big difference.

The surrounding areas are interesting and varied, and I really appreciate that not everything is square. I also appreciate how the buildings feel realistic, yet still fantastic. It really hits my sweet spot of suspending disbelief.

I really look forward to seeing what you do in future rounds.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Kiel Howell wrote:
AHHHH IT'S RONARS WHO WROTE THIS!!!

Hey Kiel, I'm glad I'm memorable. ;) I'm also really glad you liked my item.

Quote:
The comma use (not sure if it's abuse yet) in the first sentence was a little jarring. Probably would have rewritten this to be a little less interjection-y.

Urgh, you discovered my weakness, commas! Seriously though, I need to try typing a week without using the comma key. My work absolutely suffers because I over-comma everything.

I really appreciate the feedback! I really need to stretch out the people I'm asking for advice from. One or two people can give me some good feedback, but we miss big things like how silly that line is about living material being a problem.

Props on the quick reply, too. :)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Here's my entry this year. Made it all the way through the final cull, but didn't break the top 100. Which is okay, as I only entered through a grey area in the rules, anyways - my third paizo credit just came out this week. I qualified when I entered, but not the day after the top 32 were released.

Any feedback would be welcome.

Portable Excavation
Aura faint conjuration; CL 7th
Slot —; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
DESCRIPTION
Though only six inches long, this iron hammer is as unwieldy, and as heavy, as though it were ten times its size. As a full-round action, the portable excavation can be used to strike a solid surface, creating a temporary passage up to three feet in diameter and up to five feet deep through solid material, such as dirt, stone or wood. Passage through other materials is possible, though one foot of metal, a thin sheet of lead, or any living or magical material blocks the passage. The surface through with the passage is made isn't destroyed or even damaged: it is merely displaced into an extradimensional space, and reappears after 24 hours leaving the original surface unharmed. Creatures inside the space when the effect ends are harmlessly shunted to a space on either side of the passage at their choosing. Once the portable excavation has been used to create a passage, it becomes a nonmagical iron hammer.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create pit , stone shape ; Cost 1,500 gp

pricing:
I have no idea how the pricing is, when related to the component spells - I based the price on the effect: it's similar to a scroll of dimension door.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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This is a clever item, I really like how it allows you to re position all of your allies. Good work, and congratulations on the top 32!

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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There's always the possibility that the final date was an error?

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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I haven't voted enough to say for certain, but I agree wholeheartedly - just about every item still in the running is absolutely top 32 worthy.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Eric Morton wrote:
Okay, item, half-way through your description, I was convinced you were biting off more you could chew. But then you busted out that monster in the second half of your description to make it all work. Very clever.

I am convinced I just saw this item, and I have to agree - easily one of my favorites for this year.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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JamesCooke wrote:
Y'know for an item I'm 99% sure is a joke, I think I've voted for you every time you've come up for me. You're just so... really well written. I'm sorry to the community if that's a no-no, but honestly props to the writer.

There's nothing wrong with joke items at all - they're just not for every group, and thus prove less popular than non-joke items. If you found an awesome item that's silly or even gonzo, by all means vote for it!

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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It's not just encrusted with gems, it's perfectly encrusted.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Wait, is that magic weapon literally just 200 words of backstory? It's really just the basic weapon described in the first sentence?

EDIT: Ender, I hope you and I are describing the same item. ;)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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A suggestion to everyone in this thread - keep a list of these items, and then when the feedback thread is posted and we know which item belongs to which person, tell the designer how much you enjoyed their work! A good review always makes everyone's day. ;)


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Hi David,
That was, once, my map - and I didn't even realize the legend never made it into the final version, wow!

The funny doors on room 14 are stable doors - like wide, wooden gates.

The 'X' and 'XX' doors are locked single and double doors, respectively.

Also, I don't see it on the map, but it's worth noting that the 'squares' are actually a whopping 15-ft.! This isn't some tiny fort with cramped hallways.


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lumiapina, you should be sorry. How dare you be so successful that it starts breaking the forum!

Still, while you may the "worst" (best?) offender, you are hardly the only one. ;)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Anthony, I have the same feeling as you regarding too much Nar-Voth, but I have a slightly more specific complaint: too much Court of Ether. I don't have Into the Darklands myself, but is it the only named place in Nar-Voth? It's literally part of a tunnel system that travels beneath nearly all of Golarion!

EDIT: found a map online, and it's not! I see eleven other locations on the map alone whose names I didn't see four or five times each round.

Maybe it gets the most detail, or it was just unlucky enough that so many people picked it. Whatever the cause, I know I was much more enamoured with, in both rounds, the people who didn't tie into the Court of Ether over and over again.

People could have made creatures with hellish influences in Krva, or described something from beneath Osiron around Bloodcleft. But instead it ended up being the same thing over and over again.

It really did fatigue me for the setting.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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I just want to say, as a usability geek, this is one of my favorite threads of this years competition. I really appreciate all the contributions within.

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Teal: the vast majority of existing maps on Golarion are for locations discussed in the APs or other adventures. After all, that's where they need to be to get used.
So, for example, three (four) APs are in Varsia, so a lot of Varsia's most interesting locations are mapped (though FAR from all). One is in the Stolen Lands, so parts of that are mapped, though far less. One is in Osirion, One in Numenaria, and so on.

I recommend taking a look at a Golarion world map, and seeing if any country or area catches your eye, then see if anything's been done for it. Even though they're coming up on 100 AP modules, that's what - maybe 500 maps? 500 maps *might* cover every area of importance of my town and a few miles in all directions.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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Those three wise monkeys are a fun item(s?), I really like them. Hopefully your submission this year is just as good. :)


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Sweet contest! Now all I gotta do is come up with some new race to pitch you. ;)


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sweet! I love Mercedes Lackey's work, thats realy cool news! :)


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This book is already shaping up awesomely, I'm looking forward to having my printed copy - because it is going to hit print, let me tell you.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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@ thrashling and the manservant mannequin - Thinking on it more, I think you could have fixed the 'kidnapping' loophole by making someone attune to the mannequin, instead of just strapping clothing to it, and then only the attuned creature can activate it. Using a term like attuning is so much better than using non-game terms like 'owner' or 'person who says the command word'.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#17
Taxonomist's Codex
Bit of an odd price. Don't forget that a pretty, slightly off price is better than a really exact one that just looks odd. That said, it's a neat item. The skill bonus isn't really wow, but I like that it grants a bonus against the creature to all allies. Problem, however, is you're vague about how activating the item works - you don't say until the end that people must be able to hear the reader for the effect. Also: you needlessly complicate things by saying the bonus only works against abilities that you already know about, making the really key power of this item really hard to understand.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#18
Cloak of the Shadow Twin
You use 'seems to' in the description. Don't, because it implies it does something different than that, which it doesn't. I like the effect you're going for, but your rules text is pretty awful. You're creating an effect that acts like this, except for that, and like the character, but it doesn't have x and does have y. Which makes things really complicated. Basically, this item requires too much bookkeeping.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#19
Tabard of Sanguine Symbiosis
I remember this one from voting! Neat visual, but there's way too many drawbacks for this to be really good, and the bookkeeping is a bit off, too. It's worthless until you've taken bleed damage for at least one round and you're still bleeding. Not nearly enough things do bleed damage to make this worthwhile, especially because the moment you stop bleeding the effect completely ends. And also, if you've been bleeding for one round you have DR 1/slashing, and three times a day can do 2 damage. (or up to DR 5 and do 10 damage) That's not worth even 1000gp, let alone 9.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#21
Sanguine Gem
You say "favored by", which shows you haven't read most of the advice available to you, which doesn't look professional on you at all. Negative levels for metamagic is interesting, but once you're high enough level you could cast a CL 39... Intensified, Empowered, Maximized whatever (finger of death is a good candidate - do 390 damage on a failed save), for the mere cost of 3,500gp and making a will save - which would be pretty darn high for you at those levels. Recharge mechanic could also be left out - as it will virtually never be triggered by a PC.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#22
Sibilant Sistrum
Really bad naming: you use an uncommon word and then proceed to inadequately describe what it is to the reader. I have no idea what physical thing this is. Requiring a DC 5 check to activate is silly - even someone untrained and with Cha 1 can make that check 55% of the time. Someone with 29kgp would never fail it. The rest of the effects are a little complex, too, and fall very close to the 'magic item works better for some characters than others' trap, which is also bad.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#25
Bracer of Forceful Restraint
Immediately brings to mind a prisoner-retention item, which isn't very exciting. The effect is a lot better than I was worried about, but I really don't like the take-damage-to-dimensionally-anchor-a-target bit. If that simply used extra charges instead, I could see this being in the top 32.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#26
Glove of Face Filching
Props on the name, that sounds like it will be awesome. As I've seen others say, it does feel off that it only steals the mouth, after the name says 'face'. While I like the penalties it gives, the benefits to the wearer seem really minimal, but lke other things, I've seen them already touched upon in this thread.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#31
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
'Favored by'? Maurice, you know better. And, actually, your mechanical text is really clunky this year, too. You also refer to the sheathe's weilder several times as 'the bravo', which though implied by the item name, isn't a game term.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#32
Grips of the Drowning Dark
'Appear to be', mentioned above, don't use unless you immediately correct to what it actually is (and the new thing is way awesomer). I like the first power of the item, though the second seems a bit overpowered for the price. The last part of the effect seems a little too much of a downside to make me want to use it, however.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#33
Coat of the eternal vagabond
Don't all-caps your item name - that's a font thing, not a style thing. But anyways, the item isn't really exciting. Teleport randomly seems fun once, but I don't think it's really superstar. Just a fancy 'I escape!' option. And nobody really likes using an item they can't really control.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#37
Shears of the Hairless Hag
Fun name! Let's see... it's a little complicated. Can the target of this effect remove the magically grown hair? Taking Cha damage but using Int as a stat doesn't balance out well, and falls into the 'better effect for some than others' trap.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#42
Dust of Fantastical Terrain
It does what it says on the box, that's for sure. Unfortunately, nothing else. 'makes inanimate tiny things bigger'. You need more wow, and an effect that actually uses game mechanics more than maybe sickening a few types of creatures.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#46
Baldric of Revealing Mists
Non-intuitive to have a mist effect that isn't affected by winds. Weird that two of three effects are affected by radius, but a the other is line of effect. Does activating the third effect negate the second? Honestly, there's a lot of weird mechanics here.

...okay, that's page 1 done. I'll see what I can do about page 2 once I get a little more of my normal work done. ;)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

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As many of you can probably tell, I simply did not have time this last, very busy year to hold up my promise of reviewing all items in the blazing 9 thread. My apologies. The least I can do is come in here and offer some reviews of these right? Even if they're shorter than I might otherwise want. Here goes:

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#2
Manservant Mannequin
The idea of swapping places with a body double isn't bad, but the second power seems unnecessary. Also, as-written, by tricking someone into saying the mannequin's command word, you can teleport them away 250 ft (possibly into a deadly situation) with no save, and get all their stuff. That's a huge problem.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#3
Spell-Mirror Shawl
I understand the utility of this item, but it's not very exciting because there are already effects that work under this basic premise (you use them in your requirements). The bigger problem is how variable the power of the item is. A 1st level character gets only a small fraction the effect a 20th level, 10th tier character does. That's not the way Pathfinder items are designed.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#4
Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
Hey, I saw this item in voting! And, actually, I voted it down, sorry. Protecting characters from charms and such isn't a bad idea, but I really hated the bit where this is basically a magical "no, really, I am telling the truth" button. Feels like a campaign item.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#5
Provocateur's Pamphlet
This item is a lot of fun, I see why it has so many favorites. Other than moving up the section about how long the pamphlet takes to scribe, I like it a lot.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#6
Boots of Spellwalking
bit of a typo in your lead in sentance - I think you mean 'in silver thread'. The first ability is useful and kinda neat but a little powerful. The second ability is really confusing, and I simply don't get it. Might be a sign you took it a step too complicated.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#7
Abiding Light
The language in the first bit is a little muddled, and you would have been better of simply saying the candle cannot be extinguished rather than bringing wish[/]i into it. The second power is pretty nice, but you really need to have it make a check, otherwise it could become unbalanced.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#8
Battleforge Gauntlets
These are pretty darn cool gauntlets. Two things: one, it needs a daily charge rather than potentially infinite uses, and two, your comment about drawing a weapon from an explosion implies that you can freely create a weapon that casts single-target-fireball on every hit, forever. Remove or reword, because that severely unbalances it.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#9
Astral Thief's Opera Gloves
I remember seeing this item. Awesome.
You start with who created them. Good for unique items in a campaign setting, not for setting-less places like RPG superstar. That alone probably kept you out of the top 32. Also, it really feels like this is two items (especially because of your formatting). The first, the glove of thin air, is pretty good and I like. The second, I don't like that much, as it makes things too complex. Oh, and you misspell 'conmtact other plane' as 'contact other plant'. Hillarious, but the sort of thing that makes your work look sloppy.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#10
Spellmason's Mallet
The first power is okay, but not very exciting. The second power is also okay, but not very exciting. The third power is really powerful and theoretically allows you to cast wall spells as cages. Wall of stone? Target is immediately trapped forever, no save. Listing that the mallet could be used as a specific magic weapon makes it a magic weapon that happens to cast spells. Also, it doesn't use the belt slot - you carry it in your hand.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#11
Stanhope of Bloody Roots
I don't see how this is bloody. You put hair in it to cast spells on a target at more of a distance.The rest of the powers seem super situational and not exciting, and way way overpriced.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#13
Spellsnaring Gauntlets
'mêlée', really with the accents? Otherwise, this is pretty nice and I like it. Needs a duration for how long a caught effect lasts and if you can store more than one at once.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#14
Bullet-Catching Duster
This item is a mismash of really wearer-specific bonuses that most PCs would never care about. You need to go WAY more general than 'negates some specific weapon bonuses, and gives one archetype of one class a small bonus' You make up for it a little at the end, but not nearly enough.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#15
Lake Maker Spigot
your problem isn't that it's a spell in a can, it's that it is virtually identical to the already existing [i]decanter of endless water
, just way harder to use.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#16
Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
Kinda neat, but items that are based on the stats of their wearers are inherently unbalanced because they have stronger effects for one character than for another.

... wow, and here I thought I could make a dent in 300-some items.

Hopefully, I'll be able to do some more later: Donald Robinson, you're next. ;)

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Sadly, I've seen too many figurines of wondrous power already, and I've only seen a dozen or so items so far. *sigh*

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I'd like to note that you should be proud - I think your ooze was the most top-8 inspiring monster of the bunch.

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A lot of mixed emotions about this encounter, wow. I agree, you didn't do a terribly good job of representing the location that this encounter is tied to - but you did do a pretty good job of designing the encounter itself. That counts for a lot. And, as the fifth encounter I've read you're also the first to actually make the trap (is it really a trap it the only activation is manual?) and the monster actually tie together. I was really hoping for more of that.

And, hionestly, I like how you took a non-evil sort of creature and made it a good antagonist, though the comments above about PCs practically being forced to defeat them do apply - A monster attacks you, so you kill it. That's how the game works 99% of the time.

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Maurice, I can see a lot of love/hate for this monster in the thread, and I agree. With all of it.

I love the idea of a creepy headless creature with giant leeches for arms. I hate how it's description can't decide if it wants to eat souls or blood.

I love how it feels unique, and does stuff I haven;t seen before. I hate how as a CR3 monster, it could potentially do both Con damage and Cha drain.

Actually, I really hate that. As has been mentioned, it takes the party out of comission for a few days. But actually, because it does DRAIN, it cannot be restored until the party has 4th level spells - which means 7th level characters. Or, I suppose you could pay for it, along with the expensive material components!

And that's the killer. Ability Drain cannot be healed (easily) before 7th level, so it shouldn't be dealt with regularity (such as potentially every round) until that level. That is a major flaw in the design work.

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Hi Charlie,

unfortunately, as others have mentioned, I don't think you quite made a superstar entry this round. There are a few reasons that I can see why:

I can't get a clear idea of what it looks like. You say 'monkey-faced' and 'whip-like arms', and it's a Small monstrous humanoid, but... that's it. You did an awful job describing what the creature physically is, which makes it hard to envision the monster at all.

You also tried to add monkey-creatures to places where they really stand out. Which is a pity, because these would have fit in great in the Mwangi Expanse, or especially Arcadia (which is the Golarion analogue to where your myth originates). So, it felt disjointed.

Lastly, your big superstar ability was stick-throwing. Not exactly an exciting option. Sure, I'm positive there are GMs who can find places and ways to make it interesting, but unlike a truly superstar encounter, it doesn't start there.

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Michael, I think you hit a hard target here: an interesting ooze. It may have some small flaws, but you did pretty well with your idea and execution, so that's impressive.

I like Numerian monsters, and while 'cocktails' aren't somethign that fits a lot of adventures, seeing as these only exist in the same country you're likely to encounter robots and ray guns... I'll say it's pretty much spot on for where you chose it. Anywhere else in Golarion, not so much - a near hit.

Requiring the an underused mechanic for a monster like this is... risky. And that part I don't like as much. Especially because it's also not the straight up addicition rules, it's slightly different.

I like the abilities you have - glob, stench, fluid drain... but given your initial description, I would have also loved if it had some sort of hide bonus while in water. I mean, it makes total sense for a translucent ooze that lives in a river.

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Personally, I was very surprised to see the lack of bards (where my archetype was located), especially after in War of the River Kings adventure, nearly every main enemy was a bard - Irovetti, I'm looking at you.

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I love, love this archetype. Maybe it's because I'm playing an underwater adventure right now, maybe it just feels well balanced (though losing both swift and instant alchemy is sad), but I like the flavor, I like the salt bombs, I like the evolution up to gaining swim speed replacing poison resistance too - that's really clever.

Best of luck in this and future rounds!

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Ack, I've been Neil'd!

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Sorry, but I didn't like this archetype. Mechanical issues themselves aside, the biggest and first thing that turned me off was how the flavor and the mechanics seemed to work cross-purposes:
flavor... "[river stewards are] guardians of their local regions, protecting both its land [...]"
mechanics... "all attack and damage rolls against natural threats of this region. Natural threats include creatures of the animal, fey, humanoid, magical beast, monstrous humanoid, plant, and vermin types."

Personally, those are the only things I would consider natural to the river kingdoms. So a guardian against internal threats, maybe, but a guardian of the land? Not with bonuses versus animals, plants and fey. I know they can be the occasional threat, but it feels... wrong.

There are other concerns, too, like the total loss of most class abilities when more than a few miles from home, but they've been pretty well covered already.

Good luck in this round, and the next if you make it!

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Nonsense, spending 2,281gp 7sp and 1.4 copper per charge is perfectly fine! ;)

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Man, this thread has exploded so much more than previous years. Or at least, I haven't managed to keep up with it.

You're all doing great work reviewing in here. It may seem daunting, but everyone should try to read every review - there's a ton of good information here!

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Nice to see someone liked my motive capacitor enough to put on their list (thanks James!). :D

I can't wait to see the actual critique my item thread, I think there might be a lot of feedback this year. :)

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I'd probably wear a crown of oak and irony, just for the heck of it.

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I'd like to second the request that if we don't get to see your archetypes as people who make it through, I'd still like to see them anyways. :)

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Joseph, you raise a really good point. They sound really cool, but a lot of that is very meta. The idea of saving 2hp of healing from a spell in your gloves is very number-crunchy.

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While something like "water lily" versus "waterlily" is a pretty mild and probably stylistic choice, it does serve as a reminder for everyone - check your work! If possible, get both a native US speaker and a non-native speaker to check it. Sometimes you'll introduce strange spelling without even knowing it.

Personally, I'm always impressed by non-US contributors getting everything correct with US spelling. English is a ridiculous language.

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Clay, congratulations!

Unfortunately, I really don't like your item, and there's a number of reasons. Slight formatting errors, and burying the lead, and also that this item is almost a combination of every girdle mentioned in the "How to be a superstar - design a girdle" thread from a few years ago. Perhaps it's parallel development, but I've seen like, ten girdles that do almost everything here, so it feels very uncreative.

And also, I really don't like the "grappled about the body" description, because that's not a game rule. In fact, I would never assume a PC is just grappled about the body. After all, being grappled means you don't have both arms free (you can never use two-handed weapons), so by being too specific you basically negate your item's real star ability.

Without that, this is a cloak that gives you compression and a few snake traits, all of which have been done before.

I look forward to seeing more creativity from you next round.

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Chris, congratulations on making it in. Your item in particular makes me super jealous, because it's extremely similar to my own orb of mists from last year that didn't make the cut, right down to it affecting "spells or abilities whose names contain cloud, fog, or mist."

Still, similarities aside, your item is very clearly better than mine was, so good on you. I'm just going to be jealous over here. ;)

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goldomark wrote:
I just saw the two same items against each other, back to back. The only difference was that they changed place. The one on the right was on the left and the one on the left was on the right. This happened right after I voted for neither of them. I wonder if that has an impact.

That's pretty much what I was expecting. People seem to think the 'vote for neither' really means 'vote both down'. It doesn't. It means "someone else will vote on this pairing later."

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