Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
Apparently got booted by the cull, which is just fine. People's opinions on my item would be more than welcome.
Broken Gambit Shield Aura moderate enchantment; CL 5th
Slot shield; Price 10,750 gp; Weight 5-10 lbs.
Description
This pathetic, broken +0 wooden buckler fools enemies into thinking the wearer an easy target. It has the broken condition while first worn (with an effective shield bonus to AC of +0). However, when the wearer is first struck in battle, the true nature of the shield’s ruse emerges. Each time the wearer is successfully hit by a melee attack (whether or not said attack does damage), the Broken Victim’s Shield grows in size and splendor, increasing its enhancement bonus by +1 up to a maximum of +3. The shield loses the broken condition after the first successful attack, gains the Impervious armor special ability and is treated as a heavy wooden shield upon reaching a +3 enhancement bonus.
Furthermore, for each and every attacker, after having successfully hit the wearer, must make a DC 15 Will saving throw in order to disengage from combat with the wearer as the urge to kill the wearer overcomes all sense. This is a mind-affecting effect. This save may be made each turn after the first while the attacker is still engaged in melee combat. The mind-affecting effect ends if the wearer withdraws or moves away from combat with the attackers, but the shield retains its enhancement bonus. Enemies may only be affected once per day but any new enemies that attack the wearer must save against the shield’s enchantment.
The Broken Victim’s Shield uses its abilities in one combat per day and reverts back to its initial broken state at the end of the combat in which it was used.
Construction Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Amor, Compel Hostility (UC), Make Whole, creator must have 5 ranks in Bluff; Cost 5,375 gp
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
1 person marked this as a favorite.
Hrm, am I surprised I was hit by the cull? Certainly. Am I disappointed? Yes, sure. But you know what, this is still important. In most cases negative feedback is much more useful than the positive side of things. It means that what I've created is less than stellar and needs more than just some work. It means I need to rethink how I design, and, perhaps, that's just the kind of thing I need.
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
You know, it's curious. I keep running into pairings of items that share some kind of commonality, almost like it was all intentional. Only problem is, in this case, both of the items are alike in all the worst ways.
I suppose I'll pick the one that didn't misspell its title.
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
1 person marked this as a favorite.
You know, I'm not afraid to admit I've combed this entire thread for even the slightest, vaguest mention of my item. Every time I see a mention of my item it its category in a positive light I desperately hope it's mine.
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
Gotta say I've fared worse than last year. Had an idea then that worked for me, and I think that's a huge part of designing items. You want them to be something you'd use, even if you think they're balanced. My previous item may have been too steampunky, because science fiction tends to be what I like, but it did well enough.
I didn't know where to go for this year however. Most of the ideas I came up with tended to work more as wondrous items and the others seemed to outlandish. I wanted to try something interesting but it may have all fallen flat. I almost feel like I was too conservative with the end result, and the way I worded things now sounds too convoluted. Hrm, it's tough, certainly. Only my second try at superstar, so I guess I've always got some learning to do. I may not be too happy with that I did, but only time will tell, truly.
If you guys are still recruiting, please let me know. I'd love to try and get into another Only War game. Our last game came so close to finishing a mission (around an entire year of game time, mind). I've got a good working knowledge of the rules as well.
The first monster I ever made got completely panned (Round 3 in 2012). Two years later, my monster won the public poll (of course, as I discovered in the next round that public poll certainly isn't 100 percent accurate) and I've since been asked to make monsters for a kickstarter.
The only way to get better is to do it!
(Heck, being a paid game designer was a complete pipe dream when I entered Superstar for the first time -- which I did with no expectations of actually getting into the Top 32 -- and now I've got all the freelance work I can handle.)
Ah, you make a good inspiring argument. I'll give it a shot. Why not.
Here's my rather late entry. Please let me know if I'm missing anything. Good luck everybody.
Description: Brother Serlar Vultur looks like a man whose face was cast in iron. Pale skin, a beak nose and a piercing gaze give any who wish to speak to him the sense that few words should be spoken to him and even fewer will be returned. Though never in history has a Space Marine been called "weak," outside his armor, Brother Vultur, never the strongest marine, exhibits a lithe kind of grace and a preternatural speed with firearms second to none. Vultur was issued, upon his ascension to a battle brother of the Space Marines, with a set of Mk 6 "Corvus" pattern power armor, stained on the front with obvious splashes of dark-red blood that reach from the wrists to splash across his chestpiece. The blood mysteriously seems to shine through even after the recent black repainting of Vultur's after joining the deathwatch. Making his armor even more unusual are the set of massive pauldrons grafted from a Mk 4 suit of armor, the machine spirits in which seem to allow for enhanced strength compared to regular power armor.
Demeanors: A History of Pragmatism (Chapter), Taciturn (Personal)
Backstory:
Is that all there is? Will I be left alone, my brothers dead, picking at their corpses, the taste of my brothers oily blood in my mouth, looking unto war unending…
For the Space Marines of the Adeptus Astartes, whose lives become extended over centuries, whose countless battles and conquests extend through and past the ages, whose lives as regular humans are expunged after being raised to the rank of a brother in the Astartes, time seems to dilate and become irrelevant. Years and centuries pass. Brothers fall and others are raised in their place, a constant waxing and waning of strength that so markedly categorizes the life of the Raptors chapter. The Raptors have faced more than their share of hardship in their time, having first lost too many when still a part of the Raven Guard chapter during the Horus Heresy and again after their fortress monastery was inadvertently destroyed during one of Abandon’s Black Crusades. Seemingly disappearing for two millennia and presumed dead, the Raptors returned in M39, restored in strength and again waging war against humanity’s enemies.
Decades grind away into centuries and in it Brother Serlar Vultur continues grimly in the determination to accomplish his duty to the Emperor and the Imperium. Vultur, who like the rest of his brothers had his memories of his past life long since washed away, recalls fondly his days as a recruit as if these were the years of his childhood. The Raptors’ doctrines of tactical malleability, stealth-work and espionage were ground early on into Vultur’s memories and, as expectant, hopeful and ambitious as he was at that age, Vultur made sure to embody his training and live up to the example of his forbearers. Brother Vultur, one of a legion of stealth experts, stood out for his quiet competence and taciturn mien. An excellent marksman and gifted in stealth work, Vultur eventually grew to a position of leadership as a sergeant in the Raptors 10th company. Sergeant Vultur became famous for his unyielding stare and his quiet voice that never before yelled or screamed in fury. Cold, calculating, yet strangely protective of his squadmates, Brother Vultur was recognized for his prowess and was soon enough promoted. His time finished as a neophyte, Vultur moved on through the ranks, gaining full status as a Space Marine and moving on to fight in battles unceasing.
Participating in more campaigns than he could count, Brother Vultur ground out more than a century diligently facing off against humanity’s enemies, yet, at the end of a particularly grueling and costly series of engagements, requested reassignment as a veteran sergeant training and working with the scouting elements of the 10th company. Though competent as all Astartes as a tactical marine, whose tactics too reflected much of the Raptors’ idiom, Serlar Vultur had preferred the silence of stealth-craft and missed the familiar feel of a needle sniper in his hands. But more than anything, beneath his competence with the work of the scouts, Vultur desired anything that could remind him of his time as a neophyte. Optimism, ambition, eagerness, those were the characteristics of his brothers in the 10th company, but with every engagement since his promotion the weight of his chapters pathologically grim acceptance of fate wore more and more the edges of his sanity. Vultur, above all, desired to see a purpose to endless war, to find once more the merits of heroism and an end to robotic war craft.
For more than three decades Vultur worked alongside the neophytes of the 10th company, teaching them, honing their skills. The recruits that served under him eventually gave him the nickname, “old ironface,” and although his face would never betray a lick of emotion, Brother Vultur felt the greatest amount of pride for his pupils. Many perished, for such was the way of war, and although each death brought to mind the great burden they all faced as Space Marines of the Raptors chapter, Vultur pressed on in the hopes that his guardianship might allow his neophytes the abilities to survive and thrive in the hostile galaxy at the tail-end of the 41st millennium.
That was until the ill-fated assault on the heretical forces of the Severan Dominate in the Spineward front of the Calixis Sector on the planet Aesop Primary. Dug in to a nigh-impregnable stronghold and sitting on a captured munitorum stockpile, the mission was considered a high priority. Elements of the Astra Militarum, along with several chapters of Astartes, including the Raptors chapter were sent in to liberate the Dominate stronghold. From the moment the Imperium’s combined forces began the assault, the fighting was intense. Bogged down, the fighting became a slog through blood-infested trenches and sickly hostile jungle. According to Raptors’ combat protocol, the 10th company was sent ahead of the main force to scout the immediate area and sabotage enemy armor battalions and defensive emplacements. Vultur’s squad was one such that was sent ahead on a mission to cause discord and interrupt supply lines deep into enemy territory.
Although more often than not regular power armor was rarely used on scouting missions, the fighting had become so intense and casualties were often high enough that veteran sergeants such as Brother Vultur were sent in using their full power armor instead of their scout-issue carapace. Vultur and his squad trekked through mile upon mile of pestilent jungle, resting nary a moment for, as reports told them, the Dominate forces were said to have hired xenos mercenaries, the excellent and stealthy Dark Eldar. Approaching their mission site, unwilling to compromise his squad’s cover with his overlarge armor, Vultur sent his squad to an overlooking hill, using himself as a distraction to draw out the enemy and open them up to a fusillade of fire from his waiting scouts. It was a maneuver they had performed many times before and would have been executed perfectly had the enemy already been waiting for an opportunity to strike.
Vultur entered into the camp and immediately began drawing the enemy into fierce combat when he heard over his vox-link the bloody cries of his squad butchered on the hill-top. Stuck in the midst of an enemy emplacement, armed only with bolt pistol and combat knife, and knowing too the fate of his beloved squad, Vultur seemed to lose all sense. He flew into a blind and maddened rage, massacring his way through the enemy towards the hill-top where he knew his squad was already lost. Blood clouded the air, raining droplets that flew into Vultur’s eyes and mouth, bathing him in it. Vultur reached the top of the rise, blood dripping off his armor, to find his squad butchered like animals, skewered into trees, bisected at the waist, heads piled on stakes. Unthinking, Vultur set off in pursuit of his brother’s killers, tracking through the jungle for days and presumed dead by chapter command. He found the Dark Eldar, a witch cult preening and cleaning their blades. Vultur had never relished killing, viewing war as a necessary duty and a means to an end, yet with uncalculated and barbarian fury, Vultur flew into his enemy with reckless abandon. He butchered the Dark Eldar just as they butchered his squad.
Drenched in blood, the same blood that still marks his armor to this day, Vultur made his way back to his chapter’s headquarters and was confined in a cell on the Astartes Battle Barge, “Death Among Us.” For weeks he sat there, unspeaking and unmoving, until a chaplain came to fetch him. The captain of the 10th company was not pleased by the loss of his entire squad, and was even more displeased by the failure of Vultur’s mission, yet, seeing the look in Vultur’s piercing eyes, now filled with a horrible anger, decided that as a form of punishment, Vultur would go on to serve a term with the Deathwatch. It was a course that perhaps saved Vultur from conducting himself in a penitent crusade against the Imperium’s enemies, alone, which would surely have been the death of him. Vultur has since calmed down, reverting back to his taciturn and analytical self, yet the blood on his armor still serves as a constant reminder to what he has lost, and what he yet may lose.
Primarch's Curse" Grim Determination
Special Ability: +10 to all ballistics skill tests and +2 to damage when firing a bolt weapon. This ability only functions in solo mode.
Armor: - MK 6 "Corvus" Power Armor; Head: 8, Legs: 8, Arms: 7, Body: 9; 30Kg
Pauldrons of Fury Blood of the Enemy: The wearer gains the Fear (1) Trait against his enemies (or increases his Fear Rating by 1 if he already has one).
I've got to say, while I've got experience with Rogue Trader, Dark Heresy and Only War, I haven't played Deathwatch. I'm looking through the books as I type.
Some Questions:
Can I design my own chapter instead of using any specifically listed in the books?
Is there any means by which I can play something like a scout marine? I know they're supposed to be the neophytes in most chapters, but many chapters like the Raptors and the Raven Guard specialize in them and I know Space Wolves use scouts as elite individuals. Also, if you've played Dawn of War II, Cyrus is a scout sergeant but said he served in the deathwatch.
I love the setup, and while I haven't seen The Seven Samurai (which I'd have to reckon you're basing this thing on), I've seen some of Kurosawa's stuff and liked it well enough. It's finals time and I don't know if I'll have time to get something up, but just in case I'm gonna dot this and roll for levels.
The way I see it, if ya can't type out those within 2 weeks I probably don't want the person in a game :P
Well, considering I'm gearing up for the end of my own college semester, I just started a part time job, the larger than usual application requirements for this ap, and the extent to which I usually write for these things, it is a bit of a tall order.
Hrm, I've got an idea that's wound up being a rather large amalgamation of things, but ideally it should work.
I'm going for a Catfolk Rogue/Swashbuckler who will eventually go into the Master Spy prestige class.
GM: Judging by your reference to Ustalav, we're still treating that nation as a den of gothic horror, correct?
Edit: And one more question: Are you going to use the emerging guns rules? If so, how far should I go to explain the acquisition of a firearm in my backstory?
I think I applied for this with an investigator as well but had to drop due to time constraints. I'll look around, see if any class archetype inspires in me an interesting character.
Sorry, going to have to drop my interest. I love Terry Pratchett and I love the guardsmen gang in the series, but I've realized with my schedule, starting up my own PbP and along with school, I just won't have the time within the next few weeks to post a character.
Ah, here's one. I've got some idea for a Rogue or a Rogue hybrid Tengu swordmaster who is fully convinced he is the greatest criminal investigator in the city. He's pretty much Sherlock without, you know, being really brilliant... or competent.
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
Hey man, thanks for the critique. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I submitted it pretty early and then regretted it every second. I really thought about changing the stupid name and some of the mechanics for usage. Anyway, here's a counter-reivew. Keep in mind, I've never done this before, so please bear with me.
Nazard wrote:
One of the only-works-when-you're-dead crowd, I'm afraid. I hoped the Gorum flavour would strike a chord, but obviously no-go.
Reanimating Battle Bones
First off, I think the flavor and style of the item is cool, really cool. I like the look and the feel of the item. The original idea is something, with a lot of tweaking, I'd love to give a villain or, in a higher level game, a bunch of baddies.
Trouble is, I don't think any PC I've ever worked with would be allowed or would ever want to use it. At low level play, it's a very easy way to get a free resurrection barring negative levels. I wouldn't allow that as a GM. At levels where a Skeletal Champion becomes a pushover, this item ceases to be useable. It's a shame really, because you've got a real knack for making me like the item on the surface with your writing.
Like I said, with a lot of tweaking, this could be some awesome items to give enemies in my game. It's really flavorful and cool in that way. My guess is your core concept was really the thing wrong in the beginning. Like others have said, an item that functions only when you die doesn't appeal much to the voters or the judges. Otherwise though, I like your description and would like to see more from you.
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
So here's my Gauntlet of Having a Name Longer Than Any Other in the Top 100. I was really happy with my concept but knew my execution was flawed. Still, people seemed to like it enough. My word-count for my submission was 299 words but, to my everlasting dismay, a typo that escaped my vision sets that right up against the limit at 300. I'll highlight the word I added to fix the typo (I couldn't repost it without adding it in because I'm usually a grammar nazi).
It's late tonight, but I'm not proud of just sharing my item and not offering up much critique in turn. Tomorrow, I'll try and post some reviews of other's items, although how effective I'll be at it as a rather amateur designer, I'm not sure. Can't hurt to try, I imagine.
Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating Aura moderate transmutation; CL 4th
Slot Hands; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This oversized muddy gauntlet has five short miniature drills attached to the fingers and five pistons connected to an iron plate affixed to the knuckles.
Five times per day, the wearer of the gauntlet can smash his fist into the ground as a standard action. This lowers the ground the wearer is standing on by five feet and subjects every creature one square away from the epicenter to a trip combat maneuver. Treat the trip combat maneuver as if it has a CMB of 4 + the user’s strength bonus and size modifier. All squares adjacent to the epicenter are treated as difficult terrain for five rounds or until the gauntlet runs out of this specific kind of charge, whichever happens first.
Five times per day, the wearer of this gauntlet may plunge his fingers into the ground and pull upwards as a standard action. This raises the ground the wearer is standing on by five feet and prevents flanking bonuses garnered from creatures standing at lower elevations than the user. All squares adjacent to the hill are treated as difficult terrain for five rounds or until the gauntlet runs out of this specific kind of charge, whichever happens first.
The gauntlet cannot be used to raise or lower the ground of one square by more than five feet. Whilst the difficult terrain created by this item’s usage dissipates as described, the changes in elevation do not. The gauntlet cannot be used on walls or ceilings. Using the glove in either of the ways listed provokes an attack of opportunity. The usage of one effect cancels out the other.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, groundswell, expeditious excavation; Cost 7,000 gp
Rasputin17 Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
Exciting to see my (Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating) made it all the way there. Heh, I thought the stupid name would have kept it down. Hope I'll get it reviewed and see my missteps. I want to get into that top 32 some time in the future.
I'm definitely interested. I've got some ideas about an inquisitor and I'll have my stuff up in a day or so. I'm just marking this post down for easy access,
Sounds like an interesting concept. Here's my idea for your consideration.
Name: Godwyn Ockside.
Race: Elf
Class: Luring Cavalier with Amateur Gunslinger feat first level (or maybe not, depending on discussions go). He'll be part of the order of the land.
Background: My idea for Godwyn, I'm not gonna lie, is derived straight out of True Grit. I'm imagining an old, angry bastard of a man with an eyepatch and a grating attitude. I'm thinking more along the lines of the Jeff Bridges interpretation than the John Wayne one, but he'll definitely be toned down so he could interact with a party. I'm thinking of him being something along the lines of a marshal. That's just the basic premise.
I believe I've got my character all built. I based her largely off one of the example characters in Anniversary. I just have to add some finishing touches and begin writing on her. Keep in mind, I've read a good portion of the Shadowrun book but it's been awhile and I have never played so things will be rough until I can get a hang of it.
Are we going to be recruiting anybody else, do you think?
Hey GM Robert. I've come up with a character concept but I'd like to get your opinion on it before it's submitted.
Hannibal Ashtencroft:
The lad's name is Hannibal Ashtencroft, the half-elf progeny of the taciturn ex-hellknight Gregor Ashtencroft and mostly mad Kyonin refugee, Mymeara Dule-something something something. She always seemed to get lost at around the fifteenth syllable. I'm imagining Mymeara as sort of a Sarah Connor to Gregor's terminator. They're a survivalist duo eking out their existence roaming the inner sea under the (highly probable) assumption that the world is going to end.
They drag along their son, a rather prodigious youth, who desires nothing to get away from the blatant insanity that surrounds him. I imagine Hannibal as a kind of zany "I love it when a plan comes together" loveable school hooligan type. I like the idea of a character that upsets the norm for chaotic neutral characters. I've never been much a fan of "the thief who's in it for the money." Hannibal would be a loyal and smart kid with a few too many eccentricities who doesn't play by the rules.
I'm wondering if you think the idea's a bit too much out there or doesn't exactly mesh with the Inner World Sea apocalypse setting. If so, what do you think I should do to change the story to fit the setting? If it doesn't seem to be able to fit at all, would you think the character concept would be worth submitting under another background altogether?
This... this is what I like. It's a change of pace, an inspired, quirky and extravagantly different take on a campaign with the Pathfinder rules.
I'll have a half-elf young-lad rarin' to go within the next two weeks for your perusal. Regardless if I get in or not, it'll be interesting to see what people can come up with given the source material and the limits on character creation.
From what I'm seeing on other forums, there's a typo with the thing for feudal worlds which give the "champion talent." The consensus is it's supposed to be the "duelist" talent which gives an extra two degrees of success on Weapon Skill Tests (both attacks and Parry Skill Tests) when you're the only person engaging an enemy.
Awesome. I'm on Straight Silver in the Gaunt's Ghost series and I've fallen in love with the guard. I am totally psyched to play this.
Question: I don't have Hammer of the Emporer. What's the stats on Plate Armor?
I'm going for the Weapon Specialist. I'm really looking forward to just being your regular-joe trooper, like Caffran, Larkin, Bragg or Milo, though I'm not really into character archetype stealing. I'll come up with a background at a later date. For now, I'll just roll the stats.
Alright. So stylistically, our background would have been similar to a medieval europe aesthetic? We'd be draftees from among the peasant stock, correct?
Hrm, argh, come to think of it, I haven't really the time to read the rulebook and get to understand it. My brother also has an account on the boards here and sounds like he wants to play the system.
Hey there. I'd be interested in getting in on this. Be warned though, I haven't any experience in the system. I am, however, obsessed with the setting and I think that'd count for something.
