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 Recent Posts
Ralf is an old gaffer who has spent most of his life as a helmsman or assistant navigator on all manner of small ships, although he seems to spend most of his time woolgathering and staring at the stars. Over the years, he's picked up some knowledge of queer old magic and odd bits of forgotten lore, but by this time of life he's almost stone deaf and rather unsteady on his feet. Right now he's working as a night steersman on the Jenivere.
Ralf looks at Champ, feeling the poor dog's pain. "Oh, now why did he have to go and to that to you, Champ? We just wanted to chase 'em away, but now it looks like they got even more of them coming down here. You stay back, friend, and I and these good folk will try to get those goblins to leave us alone."
"I hate to do this, but them goblins never learn. And I hate to think what they'd do to ol' Champ if they got half a chance," Ralf says as he and Champ trot over to the party-crashers. Unable to get a clear charge, he pokes at one of them with his lance without much enthusiasm.
Seeing that the goblins are sticking around, he jabs again with his lance, hoping that they'll leave in favour of easier prey. "Git on out of here, you! I'm sure there's something to eat out in the bush that don't fight back nearly as much."
"Goblins!" Ralf leaps up, his beer spilling onto the ground. "Old-timers, children, and married folks -- get along home! Everyone else -- if you can help drive off these pests, every little bit helps! (Champ, you were supposed to bark if there was trouble! Don't just spend all the time lying around and eatin'. Not that I can blame you, of course; that's just what dogs do, I reckon.)" Champ (a sort of doberman/mastiff mix) stands up and Ralf jumps on his back, fumbling for his lance. "Now where are those little beggars? I wish they would just leave us honest folk alone."
"Pleased to meet you, Davven," Ralf replies. "I can't say that I know much about buildings; it seems to me that the people in the church are a good sight more important than the roof over their heads, but that's just my opinion. Still, I have to respect folks that want to do something good for the gods, because the gods have done lots of good stuff for us. Edwina, my late wife, she'd disagree of course. She thought that religion was a whole mess of tomfoolery and she made no bones about it. I don't think that's the case, but I could be wrong; I never done said my opinion is more important than anybody else's, but I think the church can do some good things for folks, and that's a fact. Now that Edwina's passed on, I been going to church regular, and I can't get enough of those stories about the gods, like Erastil or Iomedae or who knows what all. I'm just learning about them myself, now. So are you enjoying yourself, Davven? Did you come to town just for the party, or do you have other business here?"
"Whoa there, son!" Ralf laughs, "no need to wolf your food down so quickly. You paid for it, you might as well enjoy it, that's what I think. Of course, it's your money and if you feel like gulping down your food like ol' Champ here does, why I can't tell you not to. But just don't come a-running to me if you have a mighty big stomach ache afterwards! Why, Budd -- my youngest -- he's always in an all-fired hurry to do anything, too. I tried my best to teach him patient, that good things come to him who waits and so forth, but I don't know if any of it stuck with him. Well, I did my best and ain't nobody can say different, I reckon. Ain't that right, Bert?" "Guess so," Bert opines. "So are you enjoying the festival, friend? My name's Ralf Pennywhistle; anyone here could tell you that, I suspect, they all know me. Even though I may not be their cup o' tea, they still know me, I betcha!" He laughs some more while Champ continues gnawing on his pig ear.
"Well, Sheriff," Ralf replies with a friendly wave and a grin. "It's good to know that you're on duty, making sure that nothing bad goes on. If I sees anyone doing anything they oughtn't, I'll just do what any decent folk would do, I s'pose, and go over and talk to 'em. But if it's just someone having fun, you know, letting their hair down, so to speak, I reckon we prob'ly shouldn't be too harsh, I mean folks just like to have a good time and there's nothing wrong with that, that's what I always say. Bert'll tell you the same thing: I'm always saying that folks just like to have a good time when they can. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, so they say, and ain't it the truth? But me and Champ and Bert, we'll make sure that nothing gets out of hand, like it does sometimes, and I'm sure you know that yourself; I don't have to tell you that!" After Sheriff Hemlock leaves, Ralf sits up a little straighter and peers around diligently for any signs of trouble. "Now Champ," he says, "if you see anything wrong, you just start a-barking and then we'll know that something's up. You hear me? You just start a-hollering and then we'll know."
Ralf is sitting on a bench with his brother-in-law Bert enjoying a beer with his big dog Champ lying next to them, chewing lustily on a pig's ear. "Well, there's nothing like a party, that's what I always say; if I've said it once, I've said it a dozen time. Edwina -- bless her soul -- she was never one for parties, but you probably know your sister better'n I ever done. But like I always say, diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks; if we was all the same, why the world would be a mighty dull place, wouldn't it? Now that kids are all gone and Edwina has passed on, I been helping out a bit with the militia -- me and Champ, that is, we been helping out -- because I just feel it's right to help out when you got the time; I mean Champ keeps me comp'ny, but it ain't like you and your family you got keeping you busy so I got some spare time to fill when I ain't weeding or picking or feeding the pigs. And you can never be too careful; I heard Gabe saw some ogre tracks over to his place so he's keeping a sharp eye out, believe you me! But anyways, sometimes it's good to take a rest and just enjoy a party, don't you think?" "Yeah," Bert replies after taking a big swig of beer.
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