Professor Farnsworth, Scientist's page

The first recorded car accident happened in 1869, when Irish scientist Mary Ward was riding in a steam-powered automobile built by her cousins. As they rounded a bend in the road, Ward was thrown from her seat and fell in the vehicle’s path. One of the wheels rolled over her and broke her neck, killing her instantly.

stormraven wrote:

Moreover, Jason Bulmahn knows my name! So suck it you faceless rabble! I haz infamy!

Well now you've done it. We'll never deflate his head now.

If his head is still swollen after 4 hours, we can have Dr. AM BARBARIAN RageChargePounce it with his +5 courageous lance of optimization.

Alas, like fungus, I believe the worthless threads will always respring up, spawned from the manure of their poster's mouths. I find hiding/focus has been working wonders for me lately. Or maybe I just don't care anymore.

Hey! Fungus serves a much-needed environmental purpose, quite unlike the posters-who-must-not-be-named.

{returns to working on humanoid-communicable Fungus Transfer Protocol anti-troll weapon}

The proton torpedoes did enter the Death Star through the exhaust port and detonate within, so technically it was an inside job.

{returns to experiment feeding Miracle-Gro and McJabba's wookie nuggets to womp rats to see how large they'll grow}

I wonder if Bigfoot is a posit?

If you accelerate Bigfoot to near the speed of C, and he hits a halfling head on traveling at the same speed, what previously undiscovered cryptid quarks would we observe?

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Pigs may not fly, but they're actually pretty decent swimmers.

Pigs do fly, but not under their own power. {loads Wilbur onto Saturn V rocket} Bacon and ribs won't deliver themselves.

I wish I could stop dreaming.

*shudder*

Good news, everyone! My new Ronco Super Trepan-O-Matic 76 just arrived. It came with 10 interchangeable rotors, a nine-month guarantee, and a booklet, 1,001 Ways To Harness Brains. You're welcome to be the first to try it out, Oh Magic Floating Head.

CHANGE: The Universe is actually a sophistic dreamstate. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the "dreamers" are the political talking heads and messageboard trolls.

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Twilight trilogy + 50 Shades of Grey

I've always wanted to make a black hole that destroyed a civilized world. {crosses #7 off bucket list}

Ultradan wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

An average of 13 people die every year from vending machines.

And, strangely enough, they are all from my building where I work...

Ultradan

DUH! DUH! DUHHHHNNN!!!

Ultradan, you are already 3/4s of the way to either a new SyFy original movie or a new "History" Channel special.

I think we should go by observable phenomena as the basis for a unified model... I propose we use cheese: solid, melted, creamy, crumbly, string, and spray.

So... lizards increase the level of hydrogen peroxide when regenerating a tail? I... need to say I don't quite see why this would be a good idea for humans...

In humans, no. Humans regenerate by increasing their levels of Mentos and Coke. {begins applying for research grant}

Some want cookies. Delicious human-flavored cookies.

Then it's good we have a champion. Come to think of it, Liz/Lilith is renowned for her cookies... is her secret book of cookie recipes titled To Serve Man?

I prefer the idea that the mythos gods are by products of the creation of the universe.

Cosmic afterbirth?

False teeth are often radioactive. Approximately 1 million Americans wear some form of denture; half of these dentures are made of a porcelain compound laced with minute amounts of uranium to stimulate fluorescence. Without the uranium additive, the dentures would be a dull green color when seen under artificial light.

Actually, OP, your antivirus was merely reacting to an invasion by Paizo's evil twin from an alternate dimension, Oziap Corp. In that dimension, Oziap long ago conquered the world through its domination of the manufacture of toilet paper and icecube trays, and now seeks to expand its malign influence to all other dimensions via co-opting our world-wide web.

If Dr. Hikita hadn't invented the oscillation overthruster, Lord Cosmo Worfin wouldn't have crossed over, and we wouldn't need the help of Buckaroo Teter and The Pai Zo Cavaliers right now.

{returns to work, putting watermelon into a larger hydraulic press}

Good news, everyone! gran rey de los quadrophenia is banned for reading.

Good news, everyone! Gran is banned for mistaking Slurm cola for khazan's drool.

Khazan is banned for being an awful movie starring Shaq.

It's probably pining for the fjords.

No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.