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Dr Lucky

Professor Farnsworth, Scientist's page

61 posts. Alias of Ambrosia Slaad.


1 to 50 of 61 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Freehold DM wrote:

I had a Trek once.

A red one. I believed it was a 740. I named her Hayai, for she was as fast as a zephyr. I lost so much weight on that bike. Dropped down to a 34 waist. 190 pounds. Enough muscle that I looked at myself in awe every time I passed a mirror. I caught a woman checking me out once.

She was stolen from me from right outside the market I visited one day. That was supposed to be a day I spent with my now wife looking at houses in the area and planning for the future. Instead I was enraged and powerless at the same time.

I will never forgive the thief. I hope to find them one day.

Clearly, dedicated bicyclists need to be equipped with a featherweight Veritech Cyclone exhansile that combines with their bike. Hey Tony Downey Jr., get on this!

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Christopher Anthony wrote:
Katina: I’M the top 3 things in the Seattle area

Katina found/built Calvin's transmogrifier duplicator?

Someone failed to renew the chatroom's bot attack coverage with Old Glory Insurance.

4 people marked this as a favorite.
lynora wrote:

This morning started with the toaster committing suicide. The apartment reeks of burnt plastic. >.<

I know Monday's are usually rough, but this is taking things a bit too far.

My condolences. Hopefully the Resurrection Ship was in range and he'll re-download into a new body there.

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Freehold DM wrote:
David M Mallon wrote:
Freehold is a lot shorter than I thought he'd be...

*sob* I'm NOT short! You're just tall, that's all.

Curse whatever caused me to inherit my father's brother's height!!!

It's his own fault. Freehold wouldn't normally be that short, but he knows the constant freezing temperatures he's exposed to also cause shrinkage.

3 people marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for Master Kretzer not blaming the snow on the real villain, who is sitting in NYC with his M.A.R.S. Industries Weather Dominator sipping bubble tea.

4 people marked this as a favorite.

If you use Chrome as your web browser, you can turn on an option to mute audio in individual tabs (like from embedded auto-playing videos/ads). To enable it, in Chrome's address bar, type:


Under the Enable tab audio muting UI control section, click Enable, then close & restart Chrome. Now when audio is playing in a tab, you can click the little speaker icon in the tab, and viola! the sound is muted.

{observes thread collapsing upon itself into a derail hole from which the original discussion cannot escape}

Good news, everyone! While Tensor may not have passed that pesky Turning Test this time, she/he/it is already reliably demonstrating more sentience, logic, and sociability than 98% of politicians worldwide. 538 also predicts Tensor is now leading Richard Nixon's head by 5 points to become PoE.

Vote Tensor/Yellowdingo in 3016!

1 person marked this as a favorite.
BigNorseWolf wrote:
Alanis Morissette wrote:
Did you get sekritly brainwashed by the Juggalos?


burps. Licks a little black and white facepaint off his muzzle

I may have had a snack on the way in though...

As a top-of-the-food chain predator, you should be aware of the dangers of bioaccumulating Juggalo in your flesh; it is often more hazardous than mercury or lead poisoning.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for the conspicuous absence of SteamPeeg in the TechGuide.

Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Technically all of my rants are about ranting...

You are technically correct—the best kind of correct!

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Cabbage Guy wrote:
Orfamay Quest wrote:
yellowdingo wrote:

No, it appears to be a ball of gas, but we dont know if the centre is an ultra dense shell sufficient in mass to attract a gaseous outer layer or a solid core of a brown dwarf.
Have you any more evidence for "an ultra dense shell sufficient in mass to attract a gaseous outer layer" than I do for "a lemon pudding"?
It's a cabbage! A gigantic galactic cabbage!

Well, Jupiter's core is made of diamond, so a gigantic galactic diamond cabbage.

Gorbacz wrote:
Ross Byers wrote:
DM Beckett wrote:
I didn't say worse. :)
DM Beckett wrote:
When PF came out, the Cleric itself got blasted with nerfs
I am having difficulty reconciling these two things.
New to Beckett, aren't you? :)

I'm just wondering what he has to put right every week before his next leap. :)

Ooo, that's a paddlin'! keeperin'!

Gary Teter wrote:
How much of the dust on the record player used to be me?

All of it is yous. The other Teters from parallel continuities are using Dyson Quantum Dualities vacuums to suck up all the you dust from their realities and shunt it to yours.

And Sony will invent the first robotic daggit.

{looks around nervously} Whatever you do, don't try to burn it again... you'll likely summon an OSS evangelist swarm, or worse... a mythic neckbeard!

16 people marked this as a favorite.

Well, typically we deploy a Bussard ramscoop array to collect the hydrogen accreting from the red giant companion before the white dwarf-

{glances up at other responses} Ah, never mind.

Legion Janus wrote:
I blame Cosmo for the collapse of the experimental quantum states designed to create alternate timelines that would serve as pollution dumping grounds and oil sources for our own. Now we're just limited to our own oil!

Actually, I think Yellow Dingo is more likely to blame for this... he's probably in Sydney colliding petitions in the ANTARES accelerator again.

Well, we gather up the Earth's fissionable materials, build a reactor on a rocket, and fire it at the Sun to take out the q-ball. Hmmm, that sounds somehow familiar...

If I had to bet, 'Dingo, I'd've figured you would have ignored the Page headline in favor of the one about strangelet creation that would "leave the planet ‘an inert hyperdense sphere about one hundred meters across.’"

SnowJade wrote:
Gary Teter wrote:
Given the aforementioned ridiculous sound system, could you subtract the dishwasher from the room?
How mad will your wife/life partner get?

A sound system that can shift an appliance like a dishwasher out of phase is going to use too much power to get a good Energy Star rating. Also, it likely violates the Treaty of Algeron.

Gary Teter wrote:
Is it ok to infringe a patent in the privacy of my own home?

You'll eventually go blind doing that.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Thymus Vulgaris wrote:
Professor Farnsworth, Scientist wrote:
Thymus Vulgaris wrote:
I blame Cosmo for Chris Lambertz removing inappropriate posts in a thread I was reading and me wanting to know what they said.
Don't worry. When you go to sleep tonight, we'll inject Cosmo in a microscopically-shrunken Proteus II into your bloodstream. Once inside, he'll fantastically voyage into your brain and make the corrections in your grey matter so you'll forget about those posts Sara Marie removed.
It was Chris Lambertz I complained about... but I certainly don't remember being annoyed by posts removed by Sara Marie, so I guess Cosmo succeeded on that one.

I guess my memory was altered too! {shakes fist feebly}

Apologies to all. I don't know how I confused Sara Marie for Chris... I must therefore blame Cosmo.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Thymus Vulgaris wrote:
I blame Cosmo for Chris Lambertz removing inappropriate posts in a thread I was reading and me wanting to know what they said.

Don't worry. When you go to sleep tonight, we'll inject Cosmo in a microscopically-shrunken Proteus II into your bloodstream. Once inside, he'll fantastically voyage into your brain and make the corrections in your grey matter so you'll forget about those posts Sara Marie removed.

yellowdingo wrote:
what ever it was blocking the tunnel machine has vanished and now the highway is sinking

It appears that they must have gotten their Oscillation Overthruster working again. Better luck next time, John Yellowdingo.

And don't touch the watermelon over there.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Being a bad example of design still qualifies as serving a purpose. :)

{checks instruments again} That's no anomaly! That's a bona fide Sharoth sighting!

...and now he's gone again.:(

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Aberzombie wrote:
I believe sometimes a tool is just a tool. But sometimes, he's a douche as well.

Does that make him a multi-tool?

Meh. According the the Unified Theory, all of this is predetermined since the Big Bang kicked off (or even before)... so do whatever you want, 'cause ya got no real free will anyway.

{puts Yellowdingo back in the Schroedinger Box and bombards him with radioactive mangoes, Bieber remixes, and nonstop reality television programming}

{feverishly begins work on portmanteau of "emigrate" and "my lawn"}

Gary Teter wrote:
How is the water cooler able to give me hot water right after it was all out and I changed the tank? Shouldn't I have to wait at least a minute?

Well, there are the heat sinks and piping that convect it in from the toastier messageboard threads, and the piezoelectric mats installed into designated head-pounding areas for the customer service staff. Frankly, you should have enough heat to smelt a T-1000... if Freehold wasn't siphoning so much away to power his M.A.R.S. Weather Dominator Mk VI.

Hmmm, a glass of water would make a perfect delivery medium for mini-sharknados. {commences work on miniaturization ray}

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Gary Teter wrote:
At what point is the population of a generation slowship inside its own "anthro-centric" light cone?

I avoid that quandry by crewing the entire slowship with housecats.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Aberzombie wrote:
Apparently, because I'm an engineer, some of my neighbors think I'm the perfect person to ask why certain parts of their lawns keep dying.

Feel free to offer up reasons as well as "cures," the weirder the better. Channel Calvin's dad.

5 people marked this as a favorite.
Odraude wrote:
...Unlike firearms, which takes some saltpeter, charcoal, sulfur, and something to put that in :)

You're also gonna need a vine fuse, some loose diamonds, and a bamboo trunk to put it all in.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Michael Ansara -- aka Captain/Commander Kang from Star Trek (3 different series!), Mr Freeze from Batman: TAS/Batman: Beyond, Elric from Babylon 5, Kane from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, and a ton of other stuff -- has died at 91. Somewhere, the Klingons are yelling for Sto'Vo'Kor to prepare for his arrival.

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Sara Marie wrote:

Crystal: I'm too lazy to open the PDF. So I stood up [to get the book off the shelf]

Robot Chris:I'm too lazy to post that in the overheard thread

Christopher: too lazy to comment on the laziness of others.

Sara Marie: sigh, i guess its up to me

Liz: Jump on that grenade Sara!

Crystal: Jumping sounds like a lot of work for a Monday

Christopher: Flop disinterestedly on that grenade.

Justin: meh, just let the grenade come to you

It might be a light grenade; you should have an intern flop on it first.

4 people marked this as a favorite.
Scintillae wrote:

Just got back from Pacific Rim. First showing of the day. No one else in the theater.

IT. WAS. GLORIOUS. brb trying to find a justification for my oracle to build a clockwork jaeger

What about a mini jaegar? Little girl not included.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

More mantis shrimp: TED Talk: Sheila Patek clocks the fastest animals (16.:28 minutes long)

Hama wrote:
You do know that a kick in the genitals ranks higher on a pain scale then childbirth?(i am not debating if this is true, but scientists who devoted their lives to pain say so)

Actual scientists say no, not quite. Also, there is no such thing as "del" units to measure pain.

The first recorded car accident happened in 1869, when Irish scientist Mary Ward was riding in a steam-powered automobile built by her cousins. As they rounded a bend in the road, Ward was thrown from her seat and fell in the vehicle’s path. One of the wheels rolled over her and broke her neck, killing her instantly.

Cynic wrote:
stormraven wrote:
Moreover, Jason Bulmahn knows my name! So suck it you faceless rabble! I haz infamy!
Well now you've done it. We'll never deflate his head now.

If his head is still swollen after 4 hours, we can have Dr. AM BARBARIAN RageChargePounce it with his +5 courageous lance of optimization.

Patrick Curtin wrote:
Alas, like fungus, I believe the worthless threads will always respring up, spawned from the manure of their poster's mouths. I find hiding/focus has been working wonders for me lately. Or maybe I just don't care anymore.

Hey! Fungus serves a much-needed environmental purpose, quite unlike the posters-who-must-not-be-named.

{returns to working on humanoid-communicable Fungus Transfer Protocol anti-troll weapon}

The proton torpedoes did enter the Death Star through the exhaust port and detonate within, so technically it was an inside job.

{returns to experiment feeding Miracle-Gro and McJabba's wookie nuggets to womp rats to see how large they'll grow}

Grand Magus wrote:
I wonder if Bigfoot is a posit?

If you accelerate Bigfoot to near the speed of C, and he hits a halfling head on traveling at the same speed, what previously undiscovered cryptid quarks would we observe?

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Kajehase wrote:
Pigs may not fly, but they're actually pretty decent swimmers.

Pigs do fly, but not under their own power. {loads Wilbur onto Saturn V rocket} Bacon and ribs won't deliver themselves.

meatrace wrote:

I wish I could stop dreaming.


Good news, everyone! My new Ronco Super Trepan-O-Matic 76 just arrived. It came with 10 interchangeable rotors, a nine-month guarantee, and a booklet, 1,001 Ways To Harness Brains. You're welcome to be the first to try it out, Oh Magic Floating Head.

CHANGE: The Universe is actually a sophistic dreamstate. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the "dreamers" are the political talking heads and messageboard trolls.

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