Patryn of Elvenshae |
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Rule 1 of DMing a Paladin: If there is any doubt whatsoever in your mind that a Paladin broke their code, they didn't.
Rule 2 of DMing a Paladin: If there is no doubt whatsoever in your mind that a Paladin breok their code, ask the player.
"You didn't try asking nicely first" is not a breach of the code, unless you and your player* have agreed that it is beforehand.
Really, really strict paladinic codes work in novels because all the situations are contrived such that a paladin can solve them without breaking his code, and moreover, the paladin has plot protection. If they stay true to their ideals, the Paladin will win (c.f., Paksennarion).
D&D paladins, where the ability to win is subject to the whims of chance and DMs not pulling punches, have no such protection.
* Poor blighter, if he agrees to such a silly requirement.