Nerdrage Ooze's page

10 people marked this as a favorite.

Except for Cavalier (which isn't poor design, but just a bit ... meh) all the APG classes are neat and fill much needed niches (divine skill monkey? arcane-divine caster that doesn't require the pains of Mystic Theurge? Alchemist trope? Spontaneous divine caster? Pokemon trainer?).

2 people marked this as a favorite.

This job name is a blatant proof that Paizo hates martial classes!

GOOD BOOK!

WRITE YOUR REVIEEEEEEEEWSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!1111!!!!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

If you can't do 80 damage per round at level 3, you should honestly ask your parents: "What for did you bring me to this world?".

ME WANTS PAWNS!

3 people marked this as a favorite.

Wow, I think my (now third level) sorcerer in PFS would make some people cry.

• No wand of CLW, 4 potions of healing instead
  
• Darkwood masterwork club.
  
• +1 Hakiri-maki
  
• sleep, snapdragon fireworks in his spell list.
  
• Lowest stat is an 11 wisdom, highest stat is his 17 int.
  

But he's fun.

TYPICAL PAIZO CUSTOMER, POLLUTING THE GENE POOL OF OUR SPECIES!

Seriously...

How does a person shoe-horn and jack-hammer a backstory into mess?

That's something only those sissy roleplayers do! We, True Optimizers, shall stop at nothing to reach our goal!

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Every designer is inferior to me. Why? Because I said so.

ELVES R PANSIES, OK? TRU DWARVES 4EVA BLUUURGHHHHHZZZLLLE

SKR TOLD ME I'M A WHINEY ENTITLED TROUBLEMAKER, PLEASE FIRE HIM NOW OR I WILL HOLD MY BREATH REAL LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Reynolds, did you sleep with my sister last night? Answer now please.

Fighters. They dominate Wizards and other caster classes.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thanks, everyone! And don't worry--the fact that this book coincided with John Carter was a nice bonus, but this book was conceived long before any of us knew that movie was in the works. :) More products about Golarion's solar system will depend entirely on fan demand...

GIEEEEEEEEEEEVV MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 people marked this as a favorite.

MOAR SUTTUH!!!

But but but but but *insert random names here* all wrote lengthy forum posts about how 3.5 is a simulation of reality! How can you discount their collective wisdom! One of the even has a credit in a gaming book!

1. Remove Fighters, they're OP.
2. Have Rogues do one sneak attack per round MAX.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

There's any disparity?

So you don't hate the Summoner. Good to know :)

FIXEDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, SERIOUSLY.

I HATE dwarves. They are a silly race of drunken idiots who would never go out of their alcoholic stupor to achieve anything IRL.

I HATE elves. They are band of effete pony lovers who can't get their balls straight, you know why? NO BALLS.

I HATE humans. Just look at them. Ridiculous. How can they even walk straight?

I HATE halflings. Look, seriously, Tolkien should have just sued your socks off for knocking off his work.

I HATE gnomes. Get your stupid anime out of my pristine, cherished pseudo-medieval European fantasy and now.

I HATE half-orcs. My aunt Petunia read about them by accident, and you know what? I've had a lecture about how young 30yr old boys like me shouldn't learn difficult words like "rape" yet. Thanks for nothing, Piazo.

I HATE half-elves. No really, can you even imagine how they come to exist?

I HATE Druids. Tree-hugging? Really? OLOLOLOL. Am I supposed to play that? No, really? And animals? Is this pokemon, or a traditional fantasy game? Gygax would laugh at you.

I HATE Barbarians. Again, what's up with you writers? That oversized sword? Rage? RAGE? What do you know about RAGE? My uncle John can come and punch you in the face, then you'll see what rage is.

I HATE Fighters. Look now... This is a fantasy game. Am I to be serious bringing a baurdich-gosamme or some other stupid French word to a magical battle?

I HATE Clerics. Clerics should be sitting in temples and going yadda yadda, NOT running around in chainmail hitting folks on the head with maces. Have you ever seen a priest do so? Me neither.

I HATE Bards. The mere thought of some silly prancing boy with a lute makes me laugh. Sadly, the designers thought otherwise...

I HATE Paladins. Two words, Paladin alignment. Nuff said.

I HATE Sorcerers. Lobotomized poor man's Wizards, olololol.

I HATE Wizards. Glorified Sorcerers yet still inferior to spontaneous casters in every way. Charisma as primary stat, UMD on skill list and no stupid spellbooks for me, every day!

I HATE Rogues. Rolling buckets of dice for sneak attack while my buddies are stuck rolling 1 die for damage is NOT GOOD BALANCE!

I HATE Rangers. Cheap World of Warcraft knockoffs who even can't pick my fave animal (crab) as a companion. Also, they can't pick guns as weapons. WTF?

I HATE Monks. Friar Tuck called to say what Monks really look like. Eastern poisoning of my fantasy continues.

I HATE Alchemists. Look now, an alchemist is a guy who sits in his labs and brew Cure Light Wounds potions, not some turbo bomber.

I HATE Oracles. Lame. LAME, GEDDIT! Duuuh, you folks are too dense to read my brilliant jokes.

I HATE Inquisitors. I've played WH40K and I know what an Inquistor is. Let me tell you - he's an Imperial badass in power armor. The fact that Games Workshop didn't sue Paizo for use of the name yet is beyond my comprehension.

I HATE Cavaliers. I mean, if I wanted to play a knight I'd go paladin, right? I'd just agree with my GM that he is a Paladin of Sodomy and we would be a-ok, no need for a new class for that.

I HATE Witches. I mean, I'm OK with girl witches, but can you imagine a man in a pointy hat with a broom? Is this some kind of joke?

I HATE Ninjas and Samurai. I think I've said this before: GET YOUR EASTERN CRAP OUT OF MY FANTASY.

I HATE Gunslingers. Take the above sentence and replace EASTERN with WILD WEST. Geddit?

I HATE Maguses. Eldritch Knight was perfectly fine, why the hell a new class for gishes? And let me tell you - gish players are the worst type. They constantly try to woo each other at the table. NO THANKS.

I HATE Summoners. Pokemon+Final Fantasy+lots of math. A traditional gamer's nightmare.

Nerdrage Ooze wrote:

I dislike every class that is in any way connected with that ridiculous thing called "Europe". Really, how am I to take seriously some idiot in plate armor? Who's swinging some barbaric piece of metal only incidentally called "a sword"? European swords were a a pale shade of what glory Japanese smiths could bring forth with their katanas. It doesn't fit with my anime-inspired vision of fantasy at all, and I would really prefer for all those "western" elements to be excised forever. Sadly, there are far too many folks out there who are hung up on their outdated "sword and sorcery" ideas, or even worse, that Tolkien guy. Sheesh. Bring on my guns and katanas!

I'm in physics class right now. You just about made me laugh out loud.

That was a totally serious post, BTW. Nothing works me up like some close-minded SCA neckbeards.

3 people marked this as a favorite.

I dislike every class that is in any way connected with that ridiculous thing called "Europe". Really, how am I to take seriously some idiot in plate armor? Who's swinging some barbaric piece of metal only incidentally called "a sword"? European swords were a a pale shade of what glory Japanese smiths could bring forth with their katanas. It doesn't fit with my anime-inspired vision of fantasy at all, and I would really prefer for all those "western" elements to be excised forever. Sadly, there are far too many folks out there who are hung up on their outdated "sword and sorcery" ideas, or even worse, that Tolkien guy. Sheesh. Bring on my guns and katanas!

OH NO IVORY TOWER DESIGN IS COMING 5E IS DOOMED.

4E KILLED ADOLF HITLER!

PEW PEW INVISIBUL LAZOR BEEMS!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Get your whiny emo roleplaying pseudo-theatrics out of my hardxxxore tactical wargame, you pinko commie girls.

;-)

Is this the The Gaming Den yet?

4E KILLED HITLER!

4E KILLED GARY GYGAX!

Katanas? Aren't they some manga japanese things? Jeez, what kind of crap those Asians come up in their animated porn these days!

Pathfinder is D&D?

PREPOSTEROUS!

To even suggest that some upstart company that isn't even listed on any stock market is any way worthy of being compared to a trademark held by the Illustrious Industry Leader?

Really, sad. So very, very sad.

In before The Omega Zero says something funny...

I've seen his face, I don't want to hear his voice.

Rules are everything. I'd prefer to replace my GM (who consistently attempts to use his "discretion" to violate our God-given player rights) with some semi-decent A.I. All it needs is to calculate the attack routine of my Abjurant Champion/Shadowsworn Stormblade/Frenzied Berserker promptly.

NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOORGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Nerdrage Ooze wrote:

GIVEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEE MYYYYY PDFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF5F5F5F5F5 !!!!

:D

I was expecting some "Muuraaaagh!" and "splooortch!", though. :p

"Splooortch" is a trademark of Vomit Guy, professional courtesy keeps us from stepping on each other's toes/pseudopods.

GIVEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEE MYYYYY PDFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF5F5F5F5F5 !!!!

Nerdrage Ooze wrote:

Pathfinder removed the Cleric heavy armor proficiency. It renders my beloved class unplayable.

Doubtful. Heavy Armor Proficiency feat? check.

It's the act of removal that matters. It shows the total lack of regard for the weakest 3.5 class. Next to powerhouses such as 3.5 Paladin and Truenamer, the Cleric was a sad joke. Pathfinder just finished him off.

Pathfinder removed the Cleric heavy armor proficiency. It renders my beloved class unplayable.

The illustration of Arazni is a blatant cheesecake objectification of women. Myself, as a single 30-year old male am fully confident that dignity of ladies worldwide has been violated to the point that NAMBLA (North American Modest Breast Liberation Association) must be notified ASAP.

(That was with Sarcasm Mode On, in case anybody wonders).

I think that Pathfinder completely destroyed the game by taking away heavy armor proficiency from Clerics. I mean, it makes the class useless. In 3.5, I could wear my full plate, swing my Gnome Hooked Halberd (Exotic Weapon Proficiency is sweet !) and turn that pesky lich (really - I rolled the dice and, he, like, totally exploded !).

But Pathfinder took that all away from me, and now I'm left with my sorrowful tears.

*dons asbestos suit*

BLLURGH ... JASON ... WHAT IS MONA'S SOCKS SIZE ... ANSWER ... NOOOOOW !!!! MURRRRAAAAAGH !

Ross Byers wrote:

ulgulanoth wrote:

ps: who's Crystal? I've never seen that one before....

Try these.

Whoa... I didn't realize how long it'd been since I wrote a blog. And my last one being so piss-poor, too :p

MOAR CRYSTAL BLOOOOOOOG !!!!

Artwork ... is fail ! ... Layout is ... for wussies ! ... Fluff is ... for nubs ... Give rulez ... 8pt font with no whitespace .... OM NOM NOM NOM NOM !

GIVE PREVIEW ! NOOOW ! MUUUARGH !

GIVE PREVIEW ... NOW ... BULL-MAN !

Nyyyaaargh ! GIVE PREVUES !

MOAR PREVIEWS ... GIEB ! ... NERDRAGEEE !

Time for everyone to cool down or some of you are going to be sitting in the corner for a while.

Nyoorgh... spurtle ... APG overpowered ! broken ! ... sploortch ... nobody will play Celestial Dire Roper Sorcerers anymore ... shlooop ... Eric Monna's comment ... GOOOP ... unlawful assault on the First Amendment ! ... splooortch ... NERDRAGEEEEE !!!!