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 Recent Posts
If by "understand" you mean "enjoy being called highness," you're absolutely right!
Arodus 1: Okay. Operation Manticore is in effect. I've asked Sajan to switch from monitoring the nation's loyalty to its stability and to keep an eye on our militia to make sure they're trained right and are taking the manticore threat seriously. The citizens are a bit nervous about the monster; Amiri's glowering presence is helping a bit to keep them from getting too freaked out but that manticore threat... still looming. If we weren't still more or less cleaned out from those damn bandits I'd build a few houses to make the locals feel safer... maybe I'll get that done next month. No money for houses also means no money to expand the kingdom or build more farms or roads too. Which means I get more relaxing time at home, so I guess that's okay. And despite manticore fear, business seems to be picking up so that's good too. Wait... there's a commotion downstairs... GOOD NEWS! Just got back from the throneroom, and the latest group of guards we sent out, led by Lini and with Harsk to help managed to KILL THE MANTICORE! It had actually tried to move in to the silver mine and kill all the miners, but they managed to drop a few tons of rock on the monster, sealing it into an unused wing of the mine. So I guess it's not technically dead yet... but it'll starve soon enough. At which point I guess we might end up with a manticore ghost haunting part of the mine, at which point it becomes Kyra's problem to fix, not mine. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Erastus: Well, that was fun! And refreshing! As nice as it is to lie back in the old hammock and watch your minions build stuff for you, it's always good to get back to your roots. By stabbing some bandits. They were pretty tough, I must admit. Their boss was some sort of hardcase who'd made an alliance or something with a manticore and he was riding around on it like some sort of spiky knight. Things ended up going pretty poorly for him once Lem worked one of his tricksy tricks on the manticore and magicked it into attacking its rider. Guy fell thirty feet onto one of his own spiked walls after getting manticored off his seat, and that STILL didn't kill him. I had to sneak up behind him and tickle the old kidney before he finally gave it up. That was enough for the rest of the bandits. They all ran off into the hills. OH! Almost forgot to mention! We had a little help getting rid of the bandits. We ran into Amiri and Sajan and Lini just before we hit the bandits. Turns out, they and Harsk were out east poking around in the Tors of Levenies when a giant bird attacked them. Picked up Harsk and dropped him from 100 feet onto some sharp rocks. So he's kinda dead. They'd heard we were building up a city or something and were heading out to see about getting Harsk put back together. I suggested that Lini just reincarnate him and she rolled her eyes and said she'd already offered that, but Sajan said something about Harsk having some sort of strict "NO REINCARNATION" policy or something. Whatever. They DID help us kill the bandits. Amiri actually threw a part of the spiky fence wall at the manticore and killed it once Lem's magic wore off! Note to self: Don't make Amiri angry if she can see where you're standing! So we got back home and the folks seemed to take the news of the dead bandits pretty well! There was a bit of grumbling still on account that some folks apparently went hungry on account of us not being able to pay for all the food imports because of the banditry, but those peasants were kinda getting fat anyway. Got Harsk patched up with a handy scroll (thanks, Kyra!) and the four of them have agreed to stay on to help build up Owlbearton! I've assigned Lini to the role of Marshal, since she seems pretty content not living in town and patrolling the woods. Harsk gets to be Warden; basically, he's in charge of the city guard. Sajan seems like a perfect fit for Spymaster, so I reassigned Lem to the role of Grand Diplomat. He'd been whining for that change for a while anyway. And Amiri seems pretty pleased as the royal assassin and executioner. That, and I've already heard that the local criminal element is afraid of her, so that should help keep folks in line too. Let's see... what else? OH! Right! That bandit? He was wearing this shiny gold circlet. Made him more commanding and impressive to his minions, I guess. I snagged it, even though Lem made some sort of whiny comment that it would help his magic more than it'd help my personality. I'm not sure if that was a compliment or an insult, but he can't hardly reach my head anyway to snatch the circlet back. Plus, I'm the queen! Lem seems a bit more happy about his situation now that I've made him the Grand Diplomat, though, and I promised to find him a magic flute or something and he seemed to believe me. My new magic circlet is helping me be more convincing already! OH! Also! We managed to get back a fair amount of what the bandits took from us. Put it right back into the treasury, which is good because we didn't really have a good month making money otherwise. At least now those cranky starving peasants will get their monthly supply of grits and goats or whatever it is they eat on a farm. But the best part of all of this? Turns out that manticore had a mate. A big, bulky, mean, cranky boyfriend who found out what we did to his girl and sort of kind of started killing farmers and traveling merchants out by the silver mine. I swear, if it's not one thing it's another. Amiri got a good look at it; she says the thing's nearly as big as a wyvern, with tail spikes the size of her sword. That's not a good sign. Folks are starting to get a bit panicked about that manticore, too. Everyone's trying to crowd into the castle for protection, but we can't hardly fit all of them. We might have to head right back out in a few days to take care of it as a result. Hopefully this weird manticore family tree stops with this latest situation. I'd hate to think of an angry mom out there shrugging herself awake to avenge her little kids!
Sarenith 1: Wow... the resources those bandits made off with nearly ended up not leaving enough funds to pay for food and supplies and stuff for the people of Owlbearton. And there's certainly not enough left over to pay for further expansions into other parts of the Greenbelt. Maybe next month. Made enough money to maybe cover expenses next month though, which is good. The bad news, though, is that those obnoxious bandits went and nabbed not only a load of silver this month, but also killed a bunch of merchants and stole their stuff too! Who would have guessed that success and a shiny castle would instill such jealousy! These bandits are seriously starting to get under my skin. I've spent the last three hours sharpening the knives, and tonight, Seelah and Lem and Kyra and I are heading up into the hills to see if we can't take care of this little problem...
Desnus 1: Well... the castle DID seem to make some of the people happy. Turns out having a place they can run and hide in when the monsters come makes you feel safer. They're not COMPLETELY happy, though. Heard some more rumors about fistfights out at some of the outlying farmlands. What's it take to make a bunch of farmers happy? These people... Anyway, we expanded some more! The kingdom now encompasses a silver mine! I've got some dwarven guys down there working away at it even now; should help the economy a bit. Assuming they don't run off with the ore. I should think about upping the guards down there at the mine. We'll see how it works out, I suppose. Developed the lands surrounding the mine into some more farms too. In other news, the brothel's finished! And while I suspect that it did indeed make the people a bit more loyal, it also sounds like there's been a few more scuffles down there. More drunks and more lewd behavior in the streets or something. I'm not sure why that's a problem, but Seelah and Kyra seem to think it is. At least Lem's on the side of logic, although if he asks me for a brothel discount again I might just scream. The brothel's helping though! And the silver mine, I guess. We made quite a bit of money this month. More than enough to cover building the brothel in the first place, in fact. Hmm... I just noticed that lots of the folks nearby are living in tents. Back. Just approved the building of some housing for the squatters. That should make them happy. The frustrating part of the month though is that those bandits we kicked out seem to have come back. They attacked several caravans and made off with three loads of silver from the mine. Sent out some soldiers to fix the situation and only one came back... and that one was missing a hand. Seems the bandits have holed up in the hills out there... and they're STILL out there somewhere. Probably spending all of my silver. Jerks.
Gozran 1: Hmmm. They’re still grumbling, but not enough to be a problem. The peasantry, that is. Kyra might be right that it’s maybe not a good idea to tax them that heavily, but at the same point, no one’s actually openly rebelled yet, so I’m pretty sure it’s just growing pains and hot air. We expanded to the east and built some more roads into there, and I even ordered the land developed into farms for those cranky peasants. They like cows and horses, yeah? That should quiet them up. Also, growing our own food lets us not spend treasury funds on food, which is good, because that means the treasury is bigger. OH! We finished clearing the area for Owlbearton! Which means that we were able to finally repair the ruined keep and now we have a castle! Used up about half the starter funds Brevoy sent us, but it’s worth it! I HAVE A CASTLE OF MY OWN!!! Well, I guess technically I’m sharing it with Seelah and Kyra and Lem and the other leaders, but still. Pretty nice! Oh, and at Lem’s suggestion, I’ve started instituting some promotions and, well, I guess you might even call it propaganda. Basically, working on the way we present ourselves to the people, and how the people present themselves to our neighbors. Costs a bit, but it seems to be helping make the place a bit more stable. Which is, I suppose, a good thing. Especially since it looks like we didn’t make much money this month. I think maybe next month I’ll build some sort of business in town to boost the economy. Maybe a brothel! Yeah! Everyone loves brothels!
OHH! ME TOO! ME TOO! I'll take care of them here on Golarion because that's where I live I've never been to Greyhawk but it sounds nice and I don't wanna go to Eberron because that doesn't but as for the flumphs I find here I'll just run them through stabby stabby with something sharp and then when they're dead I'll chop them up into pieces and put them in one of Ezren's nasty salads or gross old-man sandwiches and he'll eat them up without realizing it and then all that's left of the flumphs here will end up otyugh bait. Like they deserve.
There was a lot of bats. I hid from them. There were two statues on rollers that tried to push me into a pit. I dodged. There was a room filled with skeletons. I got stabbed and clawed to ribbons in less than 12 seconds, then woke up some time later after folks were splitting up the treasure. Adventuring is starting to feel dangerous!
And this dungeon is now the Scary Dungeon because not only did that pool make me look all gross and rotty and not only was there a big room filled with bats, but every monster in here is immune to my daggers. That really really really pisses me off. Because usually when I stab something in the eye or the neck or the junk or the gut or the squeezebox they cry and run away or fall down. Zombies don't. They just let your dagger stick in them and then you can't get it back until that hot cleric zaps them with her magic angel statue thingy. Well... I assume she's hot... but she wears an awful lot of clothes and unlike Valeros she never strips down to go swimming. Although Valeros didn't strip down to go swimming in that water later. He just jumped in. Very very disappointing, but there were skeletons attacking me then so I didn't have time to ogle anyway and know what? Skeletons don't care about your stabby stuff either. I'm really good at skewering them so that the blade goes right between ribs or arm bones or gets all rattly in an eyesocket and they don't care but then stab and claw me and make me run away. I hate running away. But those frogs were all right. They were all squishy and I wasted too much time around the corner with that stupid little bow and by the time I got in there to stab stab stab Amiri and Valeros were already getting all licked up by the frogs. Note to self. As much as it might be tempting to do so do not lick Amiri because she'll climb inside you and stab your throat pouch out from inside and then you'll die and have your tongue cut off. But the frog tongues are kinda fun once they get cut off since you can whip them like a sticky whip and they stick to walls and sarcophaguses and stuff and you can even whip them at things on the floor to pick them up without having to walk over to them. When Valeros fell in the icky skeleton water I got mauled and ran away (grrrr) and ran back to get a frog tongue and stuck a rock on it to lower it down to get him out but he got out on his own cause he's a big boy who don't need help I guess. Still. I've got a frog tongue sticky whip now. Wonder how long it'll stay sticky? Guess I'll find out.
Yep, I am so totally going to buy this. Also Merisiel wins teh interwebs. YAY! But what's an interweb? Is that the sticky stuff that's inside of a giant spider before it comes out and gets turned into a spider web? Because I stabbed a giant spider once from behind and my dagger got stuck and I was wondering if it had interwebs in it because that would make a lot of sense. It was really frustrating because it ran up a wall and into a hole and the hole was all nasty and no way was I gonna chase after it but it took my dagger because it was still stuck in its interwebs, and it WASN'T FAIR!! I hope there are no giant spiders in this dungeon.
You forgot about the room with the giant stinky beetle! The beetle that Valeros and I surrounded and started stabbing but it was too stupid to die after being stabbed so many times and then it squirted stinky beetle water all over us and it stung and gave me blisters and made my eyes hurt and smelled like wine gone to vinegar mixed with sewer water and it was running down inside my armor and making me itch and thankfully someone I don't know who killed the beetle so I was able to run back to the other room where the crazy man was holed up because there was a big barrel of water what I could use to wash the beetle squirt off. Which I did.
Thing is... it doesn't matter if a creature's an illusion or not when you completely ruin it with sneak attacks and critical hits to the eye and what not. You look just as awesome doing it, and that's what counts. Anyway... I'll post my own take on what REALLY happened in this first session soon enough!
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