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RPG Superstar 9 Season Marathon Voter. Organized Play Member. 102 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 1 Organized Play character.


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Hey, so I have a question. The Adventure Path descrides the charter as having all the names except the officers checked, but this strikes me as odd, as we know colonists died and we're not captured. It seems odd that the faceless stalkers would check off names of people they didn't get. Has anyone compiled a list of the colonists we know didn't get taken (ex. Weatherbee, the guy in the ankheg hole, the guy in the puppetmaster fight)? I think it would be more fun to note those guys with a strike through thier names, or maybe question marks next to them. I think this will let the PCs figure out what the list might represent quicker. My PCs just found the list, and got Silas Weatherbee to share his name. They looked on the list, saw he was checked (by virtue of not being an officer) and now assume checked off people were murdered by Arkley. I'm going to retcon it next game, and have his name and all the others not taken have different marks. If someone could help me out with that list, especially any we learn about in book 2 (don't have yet myself) it would be appreciated.


Since the party healer is also taking me up on the character swap and going to a barbarian, I guess simply dropping Rebuke Foes entirely and leaving Soothing Performance might always be an option.


So, as the title says, I want to rework and reskin the Kolold only bard archetype, The Dragon Herald, into a herald of Asmodeus.

So here's the context; I'm GMing a group through Fire Mountain Game's very enjoyable Way of the Wicked, and we just finished book one (Don't worry, no spoilers ahead). I used the break between books one and two to allow characters to change characters, and reskinned it as members of different knots being reassigned and shuffled as they move on to new phases or are destroyed. It lets people change their characters as they learn more about what an evil campaign has to offer. A martial character was unhappy with the lack of face skills and out of combat abilities his class offered, which are very important in WotW, and decided to move to a bard build. He asked about reworking the dragon herald and I dug into it.

First off, I re-skinned everything to be a herald of Asmodeus. I removed the kobold only restriction, made them select Asmodeus as their patron, swapped the free language from draconic to infernal, and set the resistance to fire.

Next (and here's the part I am looking for feedback on) I wanted to re-work the archetype since I already had it under the knife. The dragon herald trades out Countersong and Fascinate for Diplomatic Immunity, but keeps Suggestion. Suggestion seems to require Fascinate to work, so I instead swapped the trade to Countersong and Distraction. This makes a bit more thematic sense anyway, as they are both similar effects, just targeting visual or auditory effects. This also lets them have suggestion without it being a dead class feature. Does this sound reasonable, or do you foresee problems with this?

Finally, I am very suspect of the Rebuke Foes performance. When you get it at level 12, that's 24 fire damage to 4 targets a round (Ref for half), up to 26+cha rounds per day, and it only takes a move action to start, and a free action to maintain. Worse, It goes to a swift action at level 13. At level 13 its basicly That is basicly a 7d6 selective quickened widened fireball. At lvl 20 it's effectively 11d6 worth of selective intensified quickened widened fireball usable 44 times per day. Add in the standard ways to get more out of your performances, and this just strikes me an eminently abusable ability.

I talked to the player and he said he would not mind if that needed to be rebalanced. He wanted a more diplomatic face/skill-monkey, and the blastings is not something he would miss. So I am looking for a potential replacement. Either something along the same lines but better balanced, or a new ability. Any suggestions would be appreciated, or arguments backing up Rebuke Foes power level. Bonus points for anyone who has ever played or Gmed for a Dragon Herald and can share their findings. Thanks in advance.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Atavar wrote:
Soulrazor

I had a special interest in looking into your item because of its similarity to my submission in a few aspects. My critiques tend to really get nitpicky, but this is me trying to turn every aspect of your item up to eleven, and not so much me disparaging your item's choices. Feel free to give my item the same level of criticism, especially since we both considered aspects of the same design space. Without further ado...

Name: I like it, but it does sound a little like a specific items name. Still, it gives me a good idea about what sort of abilities and themes I am likely to see.

Header and Formating: You got the aura strength correct, and your formatting looks perfect. All good here.

Descriptions: I would have liked to see a bit more here. I only get info about the gem, and while that is obviously the centerpiece of the item's power, it leaves a lot else about the item in the dark. Also would have liked to see just a bit more about the gem, or at least tighten up the language regarding the swirling motes. I would cut the backstory about the first few made, especially since it really only describes the intended use of the item anyway, so I'm sure it's still true. Use those words to instead make this a visually awesome item, or maybe give me a sentence describing the cinematic moment of sucking in someone's soul.

Writing: Could be tightened up a bit, but mostly ok. The areas that really bothered me where when you included info in parentheses. Both times they only call out things that can be derived from the item as is and are just eating wordcount and breaking up your sentences.

Theme: You definitely have this strong concept and idea in your head for soul stealing weapons, and my mind goes to the many items in popular fantasy that also have this vibe. Whether this is really a concept that is viable in the pathfinder game for a magic weapon vs an artifact is something I will cover in my next section. The old fake body switchero is a bit of a diversion from this theme though.

Design: To start, I am not at all a fan of how you can trigger this effect. Soul bind is a 9th level spell, and even it requires you to be dead first. This is an unlimited use Save-or-Die that triggered on crits on a weapon with a large crit threat range that you have augmented with keen. This is borderline insane OP. This would get used on every TWF crit fishing builds, even if it did only 1 damage, as eventually with all those attack you will get someone to fail the save. Especially a DC 23 Will save. I can understand that these number came from the math of using a 9th level spell, but this is what drove the price and the DC to extremely high values and gave the item so many problems. This is getting into more the domain of a minor artifact. When I hit this exact same speed bump in my item, I shifted directions and changed it to no longer use that 9th lvl spell. Wasn't as powerful as I initially conceived it, but that was a good thing.

I would rework the section on releasing the soul, as saying it is a move action to release the soul and that you can cast soul bind while you do that leads me to think you want me to cast it as a move action, and not in the same round as was probably intended. I also don't know why you would want to shift around the souls, unless you were worried about your item getting broken. This is the opposite effect you want to have, IMHO. If the BBEG stole your grandmas soul and you go on an epic quest to free her, you want that resolved when you sunder the jerks weapon. You don't want to find out the BBEG involved her poor soul in an elaborate shell game.

The third ability is actually a bit fun, and in execution I like it more than the souls stealing, but there are some issues. If an NPC uses this and appears dead, and I loot him, what does my GM tell me? He obviously can't tell the name of the item I just picked up, or I will read the description and find out the trick. If he just tells me the basic chassis of the item (+1 keen impervious adamantine scimitar), then I'm losing out on the soul stealing core aspect of your item. The GM basically has to make up a fake item write up, and if my character had lots of appraise, UMD, or knowledge(arcana), I would feel cheated if there was no way for me to find out about that effect.

Also, when creating a duplicate we run into another problem: duplication of items. Clearly the sword is meant to be left with the "fake body", so why aren't all other items are left also? If you leave only the sword, but the body and items are temporary fakes that do nothing, once again I would want a chance to notice that. What if I put on your sweet full plate, and then find out it's not doing all the awesome things I saw it do when you had it on? This is just introducing a lot of potential problems. This is also basicly 100% a NPC ability. No PC would ever want to do this unless ALL the PC's had this item and wanted to set up a really odd ambush. Otherwise you are just saying, "Well, I'm about to die, good luck everyone" and disappearing. Then the player gets up and leaves the table for a while while everyone else continues the fight, as there is nothing he can do to influence the game till an hour has passed. I don't like the real world play implications of this item.

Summation: I'm not at all sold on the item. I think it might be able to be perfectly realized as a minor artifact: something the Gm adds as a story hook as the root of a quest to capture and break, therefore keeping out of the hands of players for use and abuse. In that light this is a wonderful item, but as something players can buy and go crazy with this looks like no end of headache for a GM. This shows me you definitely have great and interesting ideas, but this one's end effects were not thought out all the way. I would definitely want to see more from you though, and this might be the kind of thing that would really have benefited from workshopping. Others might be able to see the consequences of the item better that the designer, because they don't have its intended use in mind. I hope to see your submission next year, and am always more than willing to offer that kind of workshopping.

There you have it. If you are interested to compare and contrast my item, here it is. I by no means want to imply I did it is in any way "right", just to show another route to take a similar concept. You'll notice I didn't mention the construction cost issue because I did the exact same thing. I didn't survive cull 5, so I know there is still plenty wrong with my submission. But maybe between comments on both we can glean as much info as possible about the dangers of this design space.

Best of luck in future seasons!

My item:
Soul-Wrenching Spear
Aura moderate conjuration and necromancy [evil]; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 20,182 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This +2 ghost touch spear is made of pitch black wood, and glows with a pale, ghastly light. When a living humanoid is slain by a critical hit from the spear a portion of its soul is ripped free and trapped within the weapon. Only one soul fragment may be held in this way at a time. If the victim is restored to life while the soul fragment is still held in the spear it suffers one permanent negative level, in addition to any additional penalties from being raised. This permanent negative level may not be restored while the spear holds the victim’s soul fragment, but is instantly restored once it is released.

Once per day, as a standard action, a spear containing a soul fragment may be activated by driving it into the ground. Activating the weapon summons a poltergeist (see Bestiary 2) for one minute. Poltergeists summoned by the spear are considered to be site bound to the spear’s location, and do not rejuvenate if destroyed. The poltergeist attacks any living creatures except the activator. Once activated, the spear must be left in its current position to continue functioning. Removing or destroying the spear immediately ends the effect and releases the soul fragment. Once one minute has passed, or if either the poltergeist or spear are destroyed, the effect ends and the soul fragment is released.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, create undead, plane shift; Cost 10091 gp

Marathon Voter Season 9

4 people marked this as a favorite.
faxmachineanthem wrote:
Congratulations to my fellow Hundred-ites! Hundredions? Hundredores? Whatever, this is pretty cool.

CENTURIONS!

Marathon Voter Season 9

John Leclaire wrote:


I know they seem strange, but it's because they're the requirements for the Adhesive ability. I didn't want to get dinged for not including them. But thanks for asking!

Good catch! I normally check for that, but they sounded so far off I would never have guessed they had anything to do with that enchantment.

Marathon Voter Season 9

CripDyke wrote:


I'm only going to do reviews for people who very specifically ask, and maybe not even all of you, depending on how many are interested.

I would appreciate your critique, but with that high level of detail I would not be surprised if you don;t have the time to get to it. Figured I would throw my hat in the ring though. Thanks for posting these wonderfully thorough works. I've gleaned a lot by reading them for other items.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrat on making the Top 32!

I like this weapon. It simply does everything you want a flaming whip to do. The mechanical are well thought out and executed. Its definitely something you need to build a character around to use correctly, but its fun enough to make that a possibility.

I found it very odd that this doesn't do what every other magic item in the game does and say that it is/acts like a magic version of a certain weapon. I would much rather have it act as a +1 flaming whip, and then add on your other effects. You saying it functions as a whip, then going on to explain they are melee touch attacks that deal fire and don't add strength are contradictory statements. I would have built it on a magical whip as a chassis, then added on those rider effects that you did quite well on. The current way is confusing and a bit self contradictory, and leaves me wondering how it interacts with all the other whip based feats and rules. Overall I like it, and what it was trying to do, but think it would need to be rework fairly heavily.

I'm excited to see what you can do with your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I like this item a lot. I currently play an Ulfen Shieldmaiden with ties to the norns, so this one perked my ears up right away. I like the reversal of fortune rerolling a nat 1 offers, and your wording about the drawback was awesome. You gave an in-game logic reason for a mechanical aspect of design, and that is great. I can see why it goes bad with that logic, and why you get three rolls from the three traditional norns. I agree that three is the right number, but that more effects would make it more relevant. I'm never a fan of permanent not consumables being permanently wrecked though. What if rolling a nat 20 on an attack and confirming with a nat 20 caused the hair to glow brightly, and repair any damage it had taken? It stays on theme, and gives me some small hope that if the item has taken damage there is a way the fates might see it get brought back to full use. Justy my spitball idea though. Overall I love it, and would really want this one my current character. It's a little creepy how great it fit her...

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

As has been said, you made a wonderful item that is probably way to underpriced. But it is undeniably a great item. I like the flavor, I like how you detail a lot of the corner cases and effects, and I like the writing style. Maybe the double parentheses should be done away with, but I can't claim to know for a fact that's not how Paizo likes it. You knocked it out of the park. Looking forward to your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making Top 32!

I like this item a lot. The steal combat maneuver has always been the redheaded stepchild of combat maneuvers, and I like anything that gives it some love. My only question was, why darkness in the construction requirements? I get the description has the inky blackness going for it, but that's not something that screams to me "this needs to be justified in the construction requirements". Lots of dark looking items don't do that. If there is not mechanical aspect like the spell in the effect of the weapon, I would probably leave it out. Still, an item that causes an effect that will no doubt bring some chuckles to the players (as long as they are the ones using it) while helping out an undervalued combat maneuver gets a strong pass in my book. Well done. I look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I really like the weapon. Especially the gust of wind effect. That really blew me away (ba-dum-tish). Good use of the theme throughout. It's something I want to have on a lot of my archer characters. You won big points with me the instant you described that iconic smell.

The only section that gave me pause was the forked lightning one. A 60' cone is HUGE. Like almost halfway across that flip mat you are working on. Thats potentially catastrophic, especially as a cone. A line that long is much more aimable, but that cone will likely hit all your friends unless you are the furthest forward, which is not the position archer are famous for being in. I know you mentioned that being the one you went back and forth on the most, but I feel it might have gotten aspects of a few older designs hanging on and messing with it. Personally I would have either went with a small cone or a line effect, and probably raised DC and lowered damage. But that's just me spitballing an idea, its an ability you might need to playtest to really see the full effect of. I look forward to seeing what you do with the map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I like this item a lot. I like channel energy as a tactic, and this is a wonderful item to have. Each aspect of it feels well crafted, to the all at once burst, to the slow recharge time requiring natural sunlight. It all really comes together. The only thing that I wasn't sold on was the price, as for that amount of money it competes with some other great items in its slot. Still, a real forerunner in the competition for me. I really look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I have s large soft spot in my heart for shields, and this one did not disappoint. Without introducing anything new you still showed great design in bringing together concepts flawlessly. Great job. The only thing I would have wanted to see some more of would have been to play up the star/astral theme. You had me soo behind it, I would have been floored if you tacked on something else in that theme without it getting into too much of a SAK. Like being able to use it as a masterwork tool for knowledge Geography checks to star reading or something. Still, wonderfully done. I look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrat on making the Top 32!

I really like this item. I just demands to be used in fun ways.

Normally I try to critique each item and really try to turn is up to eleven. You however address my issue in your reworked version. So instead, I will critique something else; why on earth where you working on that before your map was due in?

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrat! Both on making the Top 32, and for tying the knot!

I like this item a lot. Mechanically it has basically everything right where it needs to be. It did tick my pet peeve and use the wrong aura strength though. Definitely double check that next time. I would never come within a mile of this item, but that's no fault against your item. Quite the opposite.

You use the word swarm a lot, and even say you spit out the swarm, so I had a fairly good idea what the second half of the third ability was going to say, and I was not excited. You didn't go that direction, and I appreciated it quite a bit. I would try removing most, if not all of the uses of swarm though. Its a word with alot on meaning in the game, and your overuse of it feels a little clunky at times (the swarming magic). I still have to admit that it is an item that I would be happy to have in my games, my personal hatred of bees aside.

Best of luck in all future rounds, and in your new marriage as well!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I like the theme of this item a lot. There are a lot of mechanical choices you might have done with the effects but people cover some of them. I think nauseated is fine if that's the mechanical effect you want to introduce. It might have subtracted from the theme to say nauseated, but if that the mechanical effect you want to induce I'm totally behind it. The DM can reskin it, describe what happens, and say you have same effect as nauseated. This already comes up in the game a lot as is. My only critique would be the numbers of the saves and bonuses versus the price. That can be a fine art, but I would have loved to see this get some quick and dirty play testing to hone in those values. I like it overall and really want to see what you do with your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrat on making the Top 32!

I like these boots. limited uses of making the tactical placements of charge lanes is helpful. I am a little uncertain about the second use of them, especially since they appear where they were targeted. This removes them from the fight, and also let them know exactly where the target will reappear, and have the party set up to unleash hell on them when they do. Since they are out of the fight for a few rounds, I would rather they get to move around, enjoy the mechanics of movement in the ethereal plane, and appear wherever they are at the end of those rounds. Maybe this gives the guy a chance to run away, but that seems much more fair for the ability to remove people from the fight. I like this item, and would want to playtest and tinker to find out exactly how that ability should work. Good luck on your map, I look forward to seeing it.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I am a big fan of the feel of this item. As pointed out before, some of the writing could be tightened up, and the numerical effects might need to see some playtest to tune them for the correct power level, but this is an item I would definitely say is worth that work. I won't suggest changes to the scaling of the swarm, but I'm interested to see how they would come out. If you do manage to playtest it and hone in that effect, I would be interested to see what you come up with. Don't you dare do that now though, as you have a kickass map to make! After the dust settles on season 9, this is one I would want to come back to. I think this would have such a huge place in the upcoming Strange Aeons, of the horror champaign book.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrat on making the Top 32!

I like this item. The first thing that had me liking it was getting a heat based darksion. This harkens back to much older versions of the games roots, and had my support. I would have liked just a little more about the differences of from darkvision, as it leaves some things up in the air. Can you see warm blooded invisible creatures, as invisibility and other illusions don't alter your temperature. Stuff like that. Spend some word count on that and the previously mentioned broken condition, and I think it's a real winner. It's got great theme and mojo to it. I look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making top 32!

I have a soft spot for shields, and this one did not disappoint. With the Shield Champion archetype coming out, and the fixes it got in errata, I have had an even bigger soft spot for shields that are designed to be thrown. I have to imagine that archetype is the reason you added quickdraw to the shield, and I applaud your knowledge of the mechanics for that. You clearly have also thought about the donning a shield time involved in throwing and catching a shield, and the design is much stronger as a result. I also like the spell storing type effect for a power-up to the item's abilities.

One complaints come from the first line in your second paragraph. Since it is a quickdraw shield we already know it can be removed and thrown normally as a swift, and this introduces some uncertainty about how it works if you have the quickdraw feat. I get that this is meant to be a free extra attack, but since you already lay out the quickdraw and throwing aspects on the shield I would rather you just say "three times per day when the shield is thrown..." This gets away from adding swift action extra attacks messing with action economy, and uses what you already have in the design.

Also, you don't say what type of shield it is. Thats a big oversight. You can go to the rules of quickdraw to see it can only be put on light shields, but you should not make the reader go through that type if investigation to determine something so fundamental to your item. along the same lines, while you say its a greenwood weapon, I would still want you to call out light wooden shield. that is the items name, don;t make people deduce it from other properties of the item.

I also dislike race restrictions item crafting if the item doesn;t have a direct effect for that race. Why not any other woodland fey, or even more importantly, why lock PC's like druids away from making it? Both fit the theme, and are locked out of making it. It makes the hard for the PC's to find acquire besides by GM fiat. Its an awesome item, so make it easier to find in your world for characters who want it.

All that said, this is an absolute favorite. With these changes it would probably be my favorite of the round. It's still definitely in the running for that spot. I really look forward to seeing what you can do with your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the top 32!

I was a big fan of this weapon. The one two punch is something I would love to see more of, especially in spells that just cream to be comboed like grease and fire spells, so to see the concept realized for melee types is wonderful. I like that it can hit allies, because this is not a one round wombo combo. You need at least 2 turns to pull it off, you can wait to detonate it, and there is a mechanical benefit while it is primed. All these combined to give you a good reason to sit on the original effect, and give your allies a visual warning to get out of this area. Good design!

My only critique would be to reword the area that is affected by the breaking bit. I would say simply "the area effected by the grease effect" instead of the 20 foot radius. You already spelled out the size of the grease effect, but if somebody moves before breaking it they might try to ally it from a 20 radius around them. best to only state the size one, and just reference the effected area to prevent misreadings or confusion.

A very strong entry. I look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making the top 32!

I like this item, especially its concept. The misleading item is a nice concept. As noted the wording was off at places. The only large complaint I had was the aura strength. still, an overall strong entry that would just need an editing pass to pick up a few things to be print ready. Look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Thanks in advance to everyone who how takes the time to critique this!

Soul-Wrenching Spear
Aura moderate conjuration and necromancy [evil]; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 20,182 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This +2 ghost touch spear is made of pitch black wood, and glows with a pale, ghastly light. When a living humanoid is slain by a critical hit from the spear a portion of its soul is ripped free and trapped within the weapon. Only one soul fragment may be held in this way at a time. If the victim is restored to life while the soul fragment is still held in the spear it suffers one permanent negative level, in addition to any additional penalties from being raised. This permanent negative level may not be restored while the spear holds the victim’s soul fragment, but is instantly restored once it is released.

Once per day, as a standard action, a spear containing a soul fragment may be activated by driving it into the ground. Activating the weapon summons a poltergeist (see Bestiary 2) for one minute. Poltergeists summoned by the spear are considered to be site bound to the spear’s location, and do not rejuvenate if destroyed. The poltergeist attacks any living creatures except the activator. Once activated, the spear must be left in its current position to continue functioning. Removing or destroying the spear immediately ends the effect and releases the soul fragment. Once one minute has passed, or if either the poltergeist or spear are destroyed, the effect ends and the soul fragment is released.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, create undead, plane shift; Cost 10091 gp

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making Top 32!

I like these boots, but the unlimited duration as long as you are moving is just way too much benefit. The owner is effectively invisible whenever they want to be. I much prefer the blur effect. While that is also unlimited l=use, it ends as soon as they stop moving, which is much more balance. At least then it's only a benefit for AoO's or readied actions. I think that giving each effect a maximum number of rounds but having them be activated by moving would be more in line with balance and price. I'm terrified of characters who are constantly invisible until they decide to stop moving and attack. Also, if the character double moved away, would they go invisible before moving, or only once they have moved more that their speed and are actually using the second move actions worth of movement. That would be a little better too.

I like the game style you are trying to promote, but it just seems way too powerful.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I like this consumable. Its fun, and has a lot of uses. I had a few issue with some of the language; I wasn't wild about the onomatopoeia, or the description of free action speaking in the first section. I also think it's a little odd that you can walk on them or through them, your choice. Also, when an electricity effect charges the cloud, how long does that effect last? If just instantaneously why say "passing through", and not just in contact with? Also, should there be a limit of one on the number of times the cloud can zap a creature in a turn to prevent everyone piling on damage? And finally, why only spells? If I have other effects that do lightning damage, should they charge the cloud?

In the end, I really liked the item and can imagine lots of fun uses for it. I would want to see the language and rule tightened a bit, but in the end I would still be excited to get my hands on one of these. I think all the end case questions come from me excitedly wanting to know more about what I can do with it, which is a good sign. Good job. Looking forward to your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrat on making the Top 32!

I like the simple description of the item, and it made be think of the capes and ponchos Clint Eastwood wore in the old Dollars trilogy. Very gritty western hero feel. This is a good thing.

While I like the concept, the fact that there is no limit on the number of times it can be done is a killer. The speed boost is high, and the wording on the the gust of wind effect actually happens is really rough. I think you were going for the gust to happen at every square of movement, but that's far from the RAW interpretation of how that would be read. It's really not like the gust of wind spell at all, and i would have scrapped that comparison and written out the effects you wanted. I see a good concept there, but these issue would bee to get squared out first.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the Top 32!

I have a soft spot for shields, doubly so for shield bashes, and this is indeed a fun one. While design wise I was not won over by the first paragraph, which is basicly just lowering 2 fairly unrelated penalties, I was all over the second. I like the concept of turning it into a buzzsaw shield a lot. The two modes going from defending and improving other effects to being a offensive weapon is a nice touch. Another fun shield! I'm looking forward to your map entry.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making Top 32!

I too am a big fan of this item. It's wonderfully fun. I can totally see using it against my party when they are tracking down an enemy, and I know my players would be overjoyed once they figured out what had caused the effect and got their hands on this. Its simple, its fun, and it is out of combat only, which in my book is a plus. The only problem I had with it was the aforementioned spell name issue. Looking forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrat on making the top 32 again!

This is a good submission, and it shows your knowledge of the rules. I like how multiple effects of this sonic theme are explored, and it has effects in multiple aspects of the game, both in combat and out. That is impressive.

I however am not at all a fan of weapons that let you change all of your damage to elemental damage. Doubly so of things like sonic or force damage, as basicly nothing had DR to those.It just feels a little unbalanced, and I think it could be abused by power gamers. At three times a day for one minute apiece, this can likely cover most all of your combats in a day, basically ignoring all DR unless your fighting proteans or kaiju. I would have prefered some other clever sonic based effect like your others to fill its sonic form. Just my personal feelings on that trope for weapons.

That said, it is a good item with great secondary mechanics. I look forward to seeing your map entry.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

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Congrats on making the top 32!

Now you have made 2 things for this competition that I love. Keep it up on the map round.

I like this weapon's theme, and more importantly I liked that you did not use the word wolf once in the body of the item. Thats good, we get the reference, you don't need to beat us over the head with it for us to see the clever theme. You managed to resist the urge to say it's grey wolf fur, or wolf like howls. That both saves precious word count, and forced you to add in better details, like spine-chilling howls.

Letting allies join in on your fun for free is nice, and give players something to do while waiting for your turn instead of drifting off. Free tactical repositioning is also always a really simple but effective power.

As mentioned by others, limiting it to another ally threatening or an ally flanking the target would make it better. Some of the wording can also be tightened up a bit. Overall very strong though.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making the top 32!

I will just echo most posters and say that the concept of underwater difficult terrain is nice, as well as a way for air breathing PCs to finally get some vengeance and cause water creatures to suffocate underwater. 'Bout time someone reversed that tactic on them.

My main concerns where when I got to your spell requirements. The last two seem really out of place, like I was wondering if they survived from a previous item. You might be able to sell me on a reason for them, but my instinct is to cut them.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making top 32!

I like this armor a lot. I got the mental image of something from the animated Final Fantasy: Spirits Within movie. A incorporeal creature roaring, and charging through a person. Almost wanted to see you drag the soul out the other side, but that would probably be too on the nose. I like that you still incur AoO's, but get a varying amount of protection in the form of being incorporeal. To me, the kicker is that aspect right there, that you get a cool ability, but there is a counter for it. A PC who saves the day with a ghost touch weapon by dropping a bad guy mid-charge will feel like the greatest hero ever, and a DM can add in more magic weapons or a Ghost touch weapons to combat a PC if this gets to be too overused of a tactic. Layering in mechanics that can combat any added power really increases the dynamics of the game, and show your chops as a designer.

Some wordings could be tightened up a little. I was left with a question from your second to last line; If I charge through a friend and an enemy before hitting a second enemy, can I intimidate any one enemy, both enemies, or do I need to target my friend as well? While the item is very concise, I would like to see a little more about it to hammer home the theme. Just a bit more describing it, or your appearance while charging to wow us with the great visuals and theme. Great item though.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats on making top 32!

While some have talked about the items situational usefulness, I'm not so sure. Instead of seeing it as a dedicated anti-silence weapon, I saw it as a Thunderous weapon with a built in way to avoid one of the few ways to shut that effect down (silence). In that regard I really like the weapon. Its a neat little rider effect that shows good use of an existing enchantment and a way to boost up that enchantment. That shows me a high level of understanding of the mechanics, and I like that showcasing of mechanical mastery a lot.

However, unlike some other posters, I'm not as sold on the lion theme. Its definitely there, but it misses in a few places for me. Maybe if you would add a line about the thundering property not being a "cacophonous roar like thunder", but instead a roar like a lion, and not the wielder making the noise, I would have been a little more behind it. As is, and by my reading, there is both the weapon exploding into thunder on a crit, and the wielder yelling. Also, the name is "of the lion hearted" yet besides the courageous enchantment I don't see any powers or effects that lives up to that name, only that drawback. I would rather have played up the roar theme then spread around the concept to cover more lion related aspects. Especially since the new content you are adding didn't really involve that courageous aspect of the theme. Still, The item is undeniable themed around lions, just not with the same effects I was hoping for or thinking about from the name. These small criticism are not not me disparaging the item, just trying to turn some aspects up to eleven. You've definitely shown that you deserves to be up here and I look forward to seeing your map.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

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Congrats on making top 32!

I like the item, as it just lends itself to cinematic moments so well. It does raise a few questions for me though. There is no action listed to direct the swarm, nor info on it this concentration might incur AoO's. It also uses different rules on when the damage is done than most similar effects. Oddly, and entire army could run through the cloud without taking damage as long as nobody is in it at the end of the wielders turn. Also, since it is the end of your turn that it does damage, given that you can direct it, and because there is no save there is basicly no way out of this for casters. I would much rather this use rules more like existing effects. The lack of any duration is also a killer.

Overall, wonderful idea, great combination of concept and cinematic effect, but I feel some rules aspects were not fully realized, and that playtesting might show some munchkiny uses. I would love to see a polished version in my games though!

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making top 32!

I like the item quite a bit. While its conciseness is a plus, I might have added just a bit more, as most of your entries brevity and design come from it using an already existing item type. This can earn you points for conciseness, but it also doesn't do much to illustrate superstar level design. It was risky, but it paid off.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats!

I have a soft spot in my heart for shields, and this one did not disappoint. Good flavor, with obvious but fun effects. Its kinda hard to believe its taken this long to get a dimension door door I didn't have as much of an issue with "remain still", but agree the proposed solutions make it even better. My only real suggestion is to use a little more of your word count to say how/if the shield still functions as a cover granting shield while people have the "door" open, and potentially add language to allow you to plant the shield in a direction that isn't along a face of your square, as that not a current thing you can do with tower shields, and would allow you to let others use it without having to move through your space. I think a little more can be written about it without bloating it.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I know that feeling well, my own item this year looked fine to me until after I submitted, then I noticed the issue in the crafting price. Eats a hole in your gut while you wait to see how many people notice and knock you for it. Clearly though many people agree that your item was great! Now go do a map and let that start giving you heartburn too. :P

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats!

I like this item, but it does have some very large power gaming issues. You bring up the fact that the huge bonuses are justified by it also effecting enemies, but the players are likely the only ones with ion stones in 99% of fights, and doubly so the only ones likely to flood their head with 5 dirt cheap cracked ones. Also, the item has a way to steal ion stones from any enemy who has any, which only exacerbates the problem. It looks like an auto include for any bard or skald, especially if playing as part of a performance is enough to trigger the effects as a free rider. In the end I like the items concept (a pied piper for ion stones), but I believe it to be very unbalancing. Maybe I would be proven wrong in play testing, but I suspect otherwise.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats!

I liked this item. I appreciate that the item is not really meant for the usual player or even really for combat, yet fits its niche really well. This is where slotless items can really shine, and yours does. I also like items that add even more utility to other items in their design space.

I did have a few issues with it, but they are mostly small things the editors can quickly fix without too much work. You used the wrong aura strength, which bother me personally a lot more than most, but is an easy fix if caught. You overuse parentheses a bit; I would rather have seen most of those just spelled out in their own sentences. And I'm not set on the skill ranks needed in blacksmithing. The knowledge and profession seem appropriate, but why blacksmithing? If the item doesn't boost anything with the skill, I would ignore it. Swords need to be made by blacksmiths, but I don't believe any magic swords list a blacksmithing requirement.

Overall I like the item. It has a good idea, but a few of the finer points needed double checking. Best of luck in this, and all future seasons!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats!

This was probably my favorite weapon from the competition, and it's all about the flavor. In almost every single sentence you really hammer home that sad and mournful theme, and it's an absolute winner. I can't hear a whale's call without thinking it just seems a little sad, and to tie that into a harpoon really ratchets up the feels.

The real capstone of "flavor done perfectly" is that even when giving players a form that is stronger and gives an intimidate check, you make sure to say they are intimidated by the "mournful wail" to tie it all back to the wonderfully sad and depressing theme. A designer who is not quite at superstar level might have lost that feeling of sorrow you get for the slain beast, and instead just played to the power fantasy of the player, or reversed directions and skinning it as the beast's mighty revenge. You held the course and the theme paid out big because of it.

While I don't want to wish others ill luck by saying I desperately want to see your map, I will say with confidence that I fully expect to see more of your work, either in this/future seasons or elsewhere. Best of luck.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats! A wonderful item, with great flavor. Easily one of my favorites. Made me think Nightmare Before Christmas and Corpse Bride, and that's never a bad thing.

I try to offer some advice on every item, and the only thing I noticed with this item is a slight logical issue. You give the ability to enter an empty coffin, which I love, but the last bit of the last sentence says you need to know the name of the creature interred within. Maybe that's only for the once a day longer travel, but it's not spelled out, and made me wonder if it was also for the shorter hops as well. Maybe add knowing the name on the marker as another way to allow you to jump there, and move this requirement to after outlining the rules for shorter hops.

I look forward to your map. Best of luck!

Marathon Voter Season 9

Congrats! The only concern that came to mind with these was in the last sentence. As written it seems to imply that that you can't use the "push animal" handle animal application, which seems odd. The rules give me a way to get a companion who doesn't know a trick to gain its benefit, and the current wording flies in the face of that. If that was not the intent, I would just alter that last sentence away from knowing the trick, to being a special use of the perform trick.

Looking forward to seeing your map!

Marathon Voter Season 9

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First off, congrats! I am immensely happy to see your item receive some credit for being so wonderful, even if I don't get the chance to see your map entry. This was a personal favorite of mine. It was a bit flawed, but in a lovable way.

Here were my thoughts about your item back when I had to be vague.

Lucky Pips wrote:

Item, you are my favorite. Your imagery is straight up cartoon villains from my childhood, you drip mojo, you use a completely unique mundane item as your basis, you are one of the few magic items I would alter my character art to show. Heck I want to repaint my mini to show you. I will even get a mundane version before I can afford you so my teammates won't even notice the difference...

However, you made up a new aura strength, you incorrectly filled in your slot info, and your price appears too cheap (by about half). Basically your header is a mess (besides name, which I also love) and the body is Superstar quality. Because of this, I find myself voting against you half the time to decent items that nail the CL, Aura and Price. I hope you pull through, but I'm not really helping you towards that goal as much as I would like. Work on your headers, and hand them to your friendly local rules lawyer to pick them apart before your next submission (we work for very reasonable retainers). Best of luck.

Marathon Voter Season 9

All top 32+Alts are automatically open for critiquing when their item posts, right? Because I have some rules lawyering to lay on a few of them. Overall I'm happy with the writing and style/mojo of most of the items, but many of them are ones that messed up on simple rules (CL, aura, ect.).

Marathon Voter Season 9

Lucky Pips wrote:

This might be tinfoil hat worthy, and if it is I will take it to the correct thread, but I suspect either another stealth cull or a rolling cull has taken place. It has been 2 days since last cull, and we are (at the time of this posting) hanging just 11 items seen today below that magic 82% retention number.

I bet free workshopping and critiques one has gone down.

Sara Marie wrote:
We did one earlier this afternoon. Not sure an exact time for when it finished though. Good luck!

I'm counting that as a win for me. However, I was planning on doing critiques and workshopping anyway, so this was really just a win-win.

Marathon Voter Season 9

I keep forgetting about the time difference from pacific to eastern. In my mind it was exactly 24 hours after the last one, and right after the noontime boost in voting.

Marathon Voter Season 9

That sounds great. Link away!

Marathon Voter Season 9

This might be tinfoil hat worthy, and if it is I will take it to the correct thread, but I suspect either another stealth cull or a rolling cull has taken place. It has been 2 days since last cull, and we are (at the time of this posting) hanging just 11 items seen today below that magic 82% retention number.

I bet free workshopping and critiques one has gone down.

Marathon Voter Season 9

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Jeff Lee wrote:
GM_Solspiral wrote:
I'm going to say it... one of my favorite items has filigree
I've upvoted filigree items many times. One overused/sometimes misused visual element isn't a dealbreaker. It just means that your item will be teased mercilessly, even if it is Top 32 material.

And if being a boy in grade school taught me anything, its that you tease things to show that you like them!